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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22626721">When We had Stars in Our Eyes</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stormblessed_Skywalker/pseuds/Stormblessed_Skywalker'>Stormblessed_Skywalker</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben Solo has a really thick skull, Drama &amp; Romance, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Dyad (Star Wars), Getting to Know Each Other, Intrigue, Political, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Rey Needs A Hug, Rey does some stupid stuff, Romance, Soulmates, War Crimes, but it will be okay in the end, but stuff will still happen, like it's at least an inch thick</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 09:09:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>238,536</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22626721</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stormblessed_Skywalker/pseuds/Stormblessed_Skywalker</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>One month after the Battle of Exegol, Rey is barely holding it together. How does one move on from something that wasn't ever openly said? How does one heal from wounds that run as deep as hers?</p><p>On Tatooine, she hopes to take the first steps toward healing and moving on but realizes that she needs answers before any of that can happen.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kylo Ren/Rey, Minor Finn/Rose Tico - Relationship, Minor Poe Dameron/Kaydel Ko Connix - Relationship, Rey &amp; Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>348</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>392</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Be With Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Ever since I saw The Rise of Skywalker in theaters, my mind has been reeling. And while it's been reeling, its gone off creating a story where Ben Solo and Rey can have the happy ending that they deserve. I started writing this the day I saw TROS and wrote 6 chapters in about as many days. Its been cathartic giving these characters I've grown to love a better ending than what they got in reality. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I have loved writing it. And I want to thank anyone who reads this. Writing has been a passion of mine for at least 12 years and I have countless unpublished fan fictions stored away on my computer to show for it. So thanks for being my audience. And thanks to my husband who has encouraged me to write this even though it meant I was hidden behind a computer screen for hours on end. </p><p>So far I have nine chapters written with plans to have at least twenty chapters, maybe more, maybe a sequel? We'll see how it plays out!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>CHAPTER ONE: Be With Me</p><p> </p><p>The suns edged closer to the horizon, throwing a rose colored tint across the desert sands of Tatooine. Rey stood watching the suns fall lower and lower until at last, the first sun kissed the horizon. She breathed in deeply, trying to feel peace. She accomplished what she had set to do earlier. Luke and Leia’s lightsabers had been laid to rest just as their masters. It hurt her to part with them but she knew that it was the right thing to do. It had taken weeks for things to settle enough for her to leave Ajan Kloss. The Resistance and the rebuilt forces of the New Republic had spent the time hunting down First Order ships. It had been bloody work, but the enemy fleet was either destroyed or too weak to put up a huge fight anymore, so Rey was able to take some time away. At last.</p><p> </p><p>She thought back on the day’s events. It had almost a full day since the old woman asked her what her name was. Skywalker, Rey told her. It seemed right at the moment—especially once she saw the ghosts of Luke and Leia in the distance, their faces both smiling. The first stirrings of peace began deep in her chest and for a brief moment, she thought her suffering would end at last.</p><p> </p><p>But now, she just felt empty. It was a feeling that had plagued her for so many years. It was a feeling that she was very intimately accustomed to. Memories of lonely nights wrapped around herself in a deteriorating AT-AT and long, ceaseless days of scavenging ship parts for meager portions of bland food filled her mind. She recalled the hopeless emptiness that stole her breath away as she tried to rock herself to sleep and fought a shudder.</p><p> </p><p>That aching loneliness was a feeling that only receded when he—a lump formed in her throat at the involuntary thought—whenever <em>he</em> was near. A feeling that had been completely obliterated and replaced by pure joy for one tragically brief moment on Exegol.</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s throat tightened further around the lump and her chest ached fiercely. She felt tears prick in the corners of her eyes and she clenched her jaw to prevent the sobs from escaping. This happened every time she thought of him. Especially when she thought of her last moment with him. With Ben. His name tore through her defenses and a jagged pain cut through like a knife.</p><p> </p><p>Each time Rey remembered his smile, she felt as though she would shatter to thousands of pieces. Ben had the most beautiful, perfect smile—and it had been for her. Just for her.</p><p> </p><p>She forced her mind away from all thoughts of Ben Solo. It hurt her too much to think of him—to think about how she would never see that haunting smile again. She would never feel his warm lips pressed against hers again, nor would his large hand envelope her small one. He was gone. He would never come back.</p><p> </p><p><em>Stop thinking about it, </em>her mind fiercely commanded while an aching pain rocked through her chest. Rey shook her head and felt a tear break free from her lashes. It was stupid that she even felt this way anyway. Ben Solo had been her enemy, Kylo Ren for over a year. Which incidentally, was about how long she knew him for. He had attacked her repeatedly, captured her once and chased her all over the galaxy during that brief time. But for the last hour or so of their tumultuous relationship, he had been her desperately needed ally. She shuddered as that piercing ache drained the heat from her, feeling hollow as she recalled his intense eyes staring brightly into hers during their last Force connection. Why did she feel like this? Why did she feel like something was torn violently from her when he died? Why did she feel like she was dying whenever she thought of him? </p><p> </p><p>The only way she had been able to keep herself together these past weeks was because she had not allowed herself to think about Exegol. That and she had kept insanely busy. Every time Poe or Finn or anyone asked her what had happened there, she would go silent. She just couldn’t find it in her tell them what happened. After some unwanted introspection, she also found that she couldn’t lie to them about what happened there because that would not be fair to Ben’s memory. She knew that they would never understand why she was so broken over the death of their mutual enemy. In truth, Rey didn’t fully understand why she felt that way herself. So she decided that she was not ready to talk about it yet. Eventually when the gaping hole in her heart healed—the one she never asked for—she would tell them everything that happened. She would allow herself to think about it. But until then…</p><p> </p><p>Rey sighed heavily, turning her back to the setting suns and looked down at the old abandoned moisture farm. It was amazing that something so modest, something so normal was the place where the greatest hero in the entire Galaxy had grown up. She slid down the sand mound she stood on and walked back to the half buried homestead before pausing. It had been abandoned for over thirty years. She didn’t expect to find any place suitable for sleeping tonight, though she wanted to go inside and look around. Maybe tomorrow she would poke around. Rey briefly wondered if Luke would mind or if he would appear as a disapproving force ghost. She hoped not. Her time with him was not entirely pleasant. And though she now understood why he had so fiercely rejected teaching her, she still wasn’t entirely sure she liked the man. And yet, even as she thought on her brief stay on Ahch-To, she knew she liked him despite herself. He tried to help her—showed her that he cared in his own curmudgeonly way. Despite his shortcomings, Luke was a good man.</p><p> </p><p>Her eyes wandered to the spot where she had seen Luke and Leia stand hours before. They were no longer there and Rey couldn’t help but feel a small pang at their absence. She wished that they had stayed—their presence was a great comfort to her. Seeing them was the closest to peace that she had been in a while.</p><p> </p><p>Instead, Rey turned once more and began to trudge back to the <em>Millennium Falcon</em>. She made the mistake of landing uphill and by the time she finally reached the platform, she was breathing hard, exhausted from the exertion. She paused and watched the horizon darken, blending with the rest of the night sky until it looked like an even wash of midnight blue speckled with bright stars before turning and walking up the boarding platform of the <em>Falcon</em>.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Rey numbly sat at the old dejarik table with some rations and a canteen full of recycled water, not feeling remotely hungry. She hadn’t eaten since dawn. In truth, she hadn’t felt hunger in weeks. There was a constant twisting in her gut, telling her that something was missing and at times, it was so intense that it stole the breath from her. Of course she knew that it would pass eventually. Her lack of appetite would fade just as her grief would. But until then, she only managed a few bites before her stomach turned and caused a bout of nausea. Rey sipped some water to help tame the sick feeling, but she knew that the only way she would feel relief was if she went to bed. It made her feel so frustrated that her body was reacting so heavily to a loss that shouldn’t affect her this way. She internalized the groan that tried to escape and grit her teeth at the sting of tears that pricked her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Slowly, she rose and walked quietly to the crew’s quarters, somewhat grateful for the silence. It had been a fight to convince Poe and Finn to let her do this on her own, but eventually she had won out through sheer stubbornness. And she had to promise to make it a short trip in order to appease them. Poe threatened to follow her if she was away for too long in brash Poe Dameron fashion. Rey had rolled her eyes, annoyed but still pleased that Poe and Finn had put up such a fight to come with her. It reminded her that she wasn’t as alone as she feared she was. It felt like the three of them were at the threshold of forming something Rey had longed for desperately over the last fifteen years—a family.</p><p> </p><p>The word put a smile on Rey’s lips, but didn’t entirely sooth the emptiness that clawed at her chest.</p><p> </p><p>Her thoughts turned back to her friends. Rey knew that her Finn and Poe’s overprotective behavior was not just because of familial protectiveness. She knew it was partially because they were worried about her. She wasn’t a fool. She knew that her behavior hadn’t been <em>normal</em> since Exegol. Her friends had every right to be worried about her.</p><p> </p><p>So she promised to make it a brief trip. Her original plan was to leave immediately next morning, but perhaps she could look around the old homestead for a while before returning to the base. That would only delay her return by a few hours and she wasn’t quite ready to go back yet anyway.</p><p> </p><p>Rey rubbed her face tiredly and then collapsed into the bunk that she claimed as hers. Sleep took her immediately.</p><p> </p><p>Though sleep came easily, it was not peaceful. Rey tossed throughout the night, woken by dreams and nightmares alike. Most of the night was spent shivering during brief waking moments between dreams. Flashes of her grandfather’s rotting yet somehow living corpse and dead, opaque eyes were followed by the memory of her life force being torn from her as the Sith regenerated his decaying body shocked her awake several times. She watched in panic as a long, dark figure collapsed to the hard floor of the dark citadel, fading before her eyes as something broke inside her.</p><p> </p><p>Later, Rey found solace in dreams of grinning brown eyes and the impending weight of a heavy hand coming to hold her own hand. She would hold her hand out in anticipation, a fluttering feeling permeating every fiber of her being. But just before the hand met hers, it faded away and the never-ending cycle of nightmares would begin anew.</p><p> </p><p>In the brief moments of lucidity between dreams, she didn’t know what was worse. The horrors her nightmares inflicted or the profound loss she experienced each time she failed to grab that hand.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Finally, when morning came, Rey woke up soaked in cold sweat and stiff from clenching her muscles. The terrors of Exegol followed her ceaselessly in her dreams and she had not had a peaceful night since.</p><p> </p><p>Rey gingerly rose from the large bunk she had claimed as her own and made it up quickly. She paused briefly at the mirror to examine herself and was almost shocked to find deep circles and gaunt cheekbones staring back at her. She sighed, feeling resigned and a little apathetic over her haggard appearance. Finn would definitely be fretting over her some more once she returned to base, she thought with chagrin.</p><p> </p><p>She could hear his voice now. <em>Rey, please you need to take care of yourself. Please, just talk to me. Tell me what happened…</em> Rey could also hear what Poe would say to her. <em>Stop being stupid and get some help. It’s killing us to see you this way. You need help, Rey…</em> They were just trying to be good friends, she knew that, but she was quickly growing tired of their worries. She knew she needed help. But no one could help her. Or maybe no one would help her. Especially if they found out why she needed help so badly.</p><p> </p><p>Rey rubbed her eyes in an effort to circulate some blood through the delicate vessels, hoping that that might improve the color and then padded to the galley. The white lights flicked on and highlighted the dingy interior of the old ship. Rey examined the <em>Falcon,</em> noting the exposed wires and the faded paint along the walls. She hated to think about changing anything of Han’s old ship, but now that the war was finally ending, perhaps it was time to repair its interior. She recalled General Calrissian’s off hand comments about the sad state of the ship and then recalled the days when he had owned it. Apparently the cushions surrounding the dejarik table had been a golden yellow and the crew quarters used to only be a captain’s quarters with a large closet full of his clothing and belongings. She wondered what that might have looked like. Han had installed extra bunks and repurposed the giant closet for more storage. Some of the closet had retained its initial purpose, Rey recalled as she remembered seeing some personal belongs in there, like shirts and pants. He must have moved his effects out of hiding when he was briefly reunited with his beloved ship. Some of her own things were kept there now as well.</p><p> </p><p>Rey turned and spotted the repair supplies Chewie stored near the back of the main hold. They would both set to repairing the old, saucer shaped ship when she returned. It was something she was excited about. It would keep her occupied for a long time without really having to talk to anyone other than the massive Wookiee, who she suspected knew what was going on with her and hadn't pressed the matter.</p><p> </p><p>She moved to the food storage and grabbed a box of unopened field rations. Rey selected one at random and ate the synth-protein bar, still forcing herself to chew and swallow. It felt like sawdust as she tried to work it in her mouth. A gag forced its way up. She quickly found her half empty canteen and filled, taking a long drought from it, it before heading toward the ramp. Her fingers found the release button and pressed it hard. The ramp’s hydraulic system hissed as it descended and thudded softly when it connected with the sand.</p><p> </p><p>Outside of the <em>Falcon</em>, the suns were cresting over the horizon and the chill desert air was quickly heating up. Her eyes examined the purple tinged sand in fascination. Jakku’s orange sands never took on this hue during the sunrise. It was actually pretty. Soon, however, Tatooine would feel exactly like her desert homeworld. Arid and burning hot, where it felt as though the atmosphere was greedily pulling much needed moisture from her skin. It was a sensation she was familiar with. And one that she hated with a passion.</p><p> </p><p>She fingered the black hilt of her new light saber as she strode to the abandoned entrance dome. The pourstone was still charred from a stormtrooper attack from more than thirty years back. Even though the flames had long since burned through, Rey thought she could smell remnants of smoke, though she knew that the scent was all in her head. The steps were partially covered in sand that had blown through over the years, so Rey held carefully to the decaying railing as she stepped down through the darkened hallway. She closed her eyes and let the Force touch on her mind. She could feel remnants of violence in these halls. If she tried hard enough, she was sure she would be able to see snippets of it. She opened her eyes and released her hold on the Force. That wasn’t something she wanted to see.</p><p> </p><p>The stairs eventually leveled out and two hydraulic doors came into view on either side of the short hallway. Both doors were shut with about a foot of sand covering the bottom of both of them. Rey huffed in annoyance. The sand almost certainly had worked its way into the mechanisms of the doors in their abandonment, so they probably wouldn’t open up without some elbow grease. Rey made her way to the first door and determinedly tried to muscle it open before giving up and Force pushing it up.</p><p> </p><p>She stepped into the room quietly and ignited her saber to give more light.</p><p> </p><p>The room glowed dimly in the golden light and it seemed as though it had been preserved in time. It looked to be a storage room, filled with various tools and long empty containers. Rey thought that perhaps it hadn’t been disturbed since Luke left thirty some odd years before. She left the room quietly and made her way down to the next door. This door opened more easily than the last and when she entered, she was welcomed by a cozy looking room filled with the trinkets that one might expect a young nineteen year old to have.<br/>Rey’s eyes widened in excitement. She had <em>found</em> it.</p><p> </p><p>Luke’s room seemed largely undisturbed as well. His bed was left messy and unmade with some old beige clothes crumpled at the foot of the narrow bed. Rey couldn’t help but smile slightly at that, trying to imagine her grumpy old master as someone her age. She moved over to the shelves built in to the other side of the room and found old broken comlinks, some very outdated entertainment ports and other various droid parts crammed there. Rey picked up a port with its wires exposed and examined it for a moment. Luke had been a tinkerer. It gave her a small amount of comfort to know that her master had done something so normal in his youth. Without really thinking, she drifted to the back of the room where a small viewport sat near the ceiling. Below it sat a tall dresser, now covered in dust, with a small model speeder poised purposefully in the center.</p><p> </p><p>Rey reached out and picked the model speeder up and then flopped onto Luke’s old bed. Dust flooded the air and Rey quickly regretted her decision. She spent a few moments coughing out her mistake.</p><p> </p><p>She drew in a deep breath and blew hard to remove some of the dust. After a few repetitions that made her head spin, she had removed enough dust to reveal the color. It was deep blue, accented in gold with tan seats. She admired it for a moment before the scavenger inside her decided that she would like to keep something of Luke’s. Her hands clutched the old speeder tightly for a moment and she bowed her head in silent respect.</p><p> </p><p>“Having fun snooping through my old things?” A familiar voice called out in slight, mocking amusement. Rey shrieked in a way very unbecoming for a Jedi and jumped, almost dropping the small speeder on the dusty floor. She spun around and was greeted by the apparition of Luke Skywalker, her old master. He smirked and strode forward, casting a bluish glow through the dim room.</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s heart was still pounding from the surprise of Luke’s appearance and all she could do was gape at him. Surprise was quickly replaced by embarrassment. She tossed the speeder dropped onto the bed and jumped away from it. She had not expected to see him so soon again. “M-master Skywalker,” she stuttered and dipped her head toward him in respect.</p><p> </p><p>“You didn’t answer my question,” Luke stopped before her and folded his hands together in front of his white robes. “Are you enjoying going through all of my things?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt her cheeks color in embarrassment. She looked away from him and around the old room. “I’m a scavenger,” she murmured with no bite, “old habits die hard I suppose?”</p><p> </p><p>“Plus,” she continued, “I wanted to get a glimpse into your life before I left this place permanently. I’ve had enough of deserts.”</p><p> </p><p>Luke chuckled, “I can’t find myself blaming you,” he said. He turned a critical eye around his room. “Man, I was a slob.”</p><p> </p><p>For the first time in weeks, Rey felt a small giggle bubble in her chest. It felt…nice. “Yes, you were,” she responded with a wry smile. “Its hard to believe that the old, meticulous man on Ahch-To was the same boy who lived here…”</p><p> </p><p>Luke nodded and watched Rey thoughtfully, a sad expression on his face. His bright blue eyes seemed to pierce through her. Her eyes dropped in response and her shoulders drooped. She knew where this was going. “When was the last time you laughed, Rey? Or even smiled for that matter?”</p><p> </p><p>The small grin that was forming on her lips faded and formed into a grimace. “I…” she started hesitantly. This was not something she really wanted to discuss, but maybe Luke could help her. She decided to risk pain in order to open up to him. “Its been a while…”</p><p> </p><p>“After what happened on Exegol, I haven’t felt right. I feel...broken." Rey felt chilled and wrapped her arms around her shoulders. "You know what happened, I felt you there… But it doesn’t matter how hard I try, I can’t move past it. Can’t stop thinking about what I did wrong, what I could have done to change things. And the fact that I feel this way just adds to the guilt. I should be happy, shouldn’t I?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey bowed her head and spoke once more, voice trembling with the emotion she was trying to fight back with everything she had, “We won. That monster…my <em>grandfather," </em>she spat the word out as though it was venom, "is gone and the Resistance won. My friends survived and once things settle, there will be peace again. I should be happy, right? Everyone else is…” Tears dripped down her face now, caused by the sorrow she felt, the guilt she experienced daily and the pain of the loss she suffered.</p><p> </p><p>“No,” came Luke’s simple reply. “You lost a lot too, Rey. You went though a lot. It’s absolutely okay for you hurt.” He reached out a comforting hand and surprisingly; Rey felt her master’s hand squeeze her shoulder gently in comfort. She stared at his slightly translucent hand in amazement. She could feel his hand?</p><p> </p><p>Then she thought about what Luke just said. Rey expected him to tell her that she should be happy, that she was wrong for feeling torn up and broken inside. Instead, he essentially gave her the permission she yearned for to feel this way. The lump in her throat formed again and she fought away the stinging tears that threatened to fill her eyes. </p><p> </p><p>The old Jedi spoke again, drawing Rey out of her thoughts and back to the present, “I know the others try to get you to talk to them about what happened. It’s okay for you to keep it to yourself for now, Rey, but in order to begin healing, you will have to let it go and talk to them.”</p><p> </p><p>But she didn't want to. She didn't want to tell them about it and then have them invalidate those feelings. But she had expected Luke to react negatively, hadn't she? And he told her that it was okay to hurt right now. Perhaps her friends, the ones she considered family now would react the same way. Rey nodded reluctantly, agreeing with him even though it hurt her to. “I know I need to. I will eventually.” She met Luke’s piercing blue eyes, “but for now, I can’t. If I do, then everything will become too real…and truth be told Master Skywalker, I really don't believe that anyone one would understand. Would want to understand,” she amended. </p><p> </p><p>Luke nodded thoughtfully, as though he was just beginning to see the solution to a puzzle. “I see, “ he considered in a gentle tone. He remained silent for a moment, examining her expression.</p><p> </p><p>“This is about my nephew, isn’t it,” he stated quietly looking at her with his intense blue eyes knowingly.</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s heart ached at the mention of him and her eyes widened in surprise at Luke’s guess. She wanted to deny it, tell him he was wrong. She wanted to tell the old Jedi master he was crazy for even coming to a conclusion like that. But she knew that she would be lying to herself and to Luke about it if she did.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes…” she whispered, though she was afraid to admit it out loud. The admission stung. Would she be able to function now that she admitted to someone that the grief and gnawing loneliness stemmed from his fallen nephew?</p><p> </p><p>“I know its stupid,” she tried to defend weakly, “We were enemies for so long and I hardly knew him—knew him for even less time as Ben. But…” she trailed off as an intense pressure squeezed her heart painfully.The pain of it stole her breath away and she knew that she couldn't go on. </p><p> </p><p>Thankfully, her old master held his hand up to her, “No need to explain yourself, Rey, I understand.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey snapped her mouth shut and furrowed her brows in doubt. She found it unlikely that he understood what she felt. She wasn’t even entirely sure what it was that she was feeling. However painful it was, it actually felt good to talk to someone about him—especially someone who had known him so well. So she remained quiet and waited for Luke to speak again.</p><p> </p><p>Luke slowly lowered the hand he was holding up in pause and dropped his shoulders as if in defeat, “Come, lets get out of this dump and talk outside.”</p><p> </p><p>Luke’s apparition exited his old chamber and Rey quickly followed him. They found themselves out in the main courtyard that was filled with sand, now burning hot from the suns beating down on it.</p><p> </p><p>Luke turned to face he once more, sad eyes soft with concern. “You loved him, didn’t you?” he asked her simply.</p><p> </p><p>Rey started.</p><p> </p><p>She wasn’t sure how to answer that question. How could she answer it if the thought hadn’t even crossed her mind?</p><p> </p><p>For most of the time they had known each other, she and Ben had been enemies. Ben had been Kylo Ren: a Jedi who had turned from the Light and done terrible things in the name of the First Order. And yet, she had seen through that façade and saw Ben Solo, a thoughtful and very conflicted man who wanted to come home, but who had felt it was too late for him.</p><p> </p><p>Her stomach turned in knots every time they connected through the Force. She craved the feelings that overcame her whenever his intense, dark eyes captured her own in their gaze. His eyes had the ability to cut through into her very soul, revealing secrets she had buried deep. His voice, always soft with her, was captivating and had the power to stop her in her tracks. When he spoke to her, he had frustrated her to no end, but she enjoyed the way his mind worked—he was intelligent and logical and was so good at getting her to question everything she understood. It was painfully obvious that he had the mind of a scholar.</p><p> </p><p>She felt the hauntingly hollow spot in her mind where their bond had once been. It was painful and raw at the edges. She tried to avoid that area of her mind at all times now.</p><p> </p><p>Their bond told her more about him than any face to face interaction had. She could feel his darkness, tumultuous and churning in constant conflict with strands of bright light woven within. The flecks of light she sensed in him fascinated her. They drew her to him and made her wonder how such a dark man could still contain light.</p><p> </p><p>As she thought on it, she came to a conclusion that she had avoided over the last month. Those glimpses of Light coupled with the help of the dyad bond they shared caused Rey to feel something for him. She knew that she could not deny it now.</p><p> </p><p>For a long time, she had success in ignoring those feelings but they won over in the end. It had been so brief, though. Could she call something like that love? It wasn't what she imagined love to be.</p><p> </p><p>All she knew was that she missed him. Her heart ached horribly for a man that she hardly knew. When he died, it felt as if her very soul had been rent in two. His eyes haunted her in her dreams. She could still hear the gentle way he said her name and could still feel his touch on her. She could feel his hand in hers. She could still feel the warm press of his lips. It sent tingles down her spine—her heart spiking.</p><p> </p><p>But should she call that love? Was it? Rey wasn’t so sure. How could she love a man who had once been her enemy? She didn’t know much about love, but she thought it unlikely that the feelings she now suffered through were based in love. Attraction? Yes. She knew that she had been attracted to him from the beginning. Infatuation? She found that explanation more likely to be true than love. But why then did she feel like she had lost half of her self the moment Ben left her? She didn't want to know the answers.</p><p> </p><p>“I—don’t know…” she finally responded, tears pricking in the corners of her eyes. “How could I love someone who tried to kill my friends and I for over a year? Who would have killed me if I let him? Who broke my heart when I came for him on the <em>Supremacy</em> in the hopes that he would leave the First Order with me? For me?”</p><p> </p><p>Flashes of Exegol played in her mind and the tone of her voice became distant. “And yet, despite all of that, I was so drawn to him…Like a moth drawn to a flame. He understood me like no one else ever has. He knew me. With our connection, it was impossible for him not to,” She huffed a humorless laugh as she stared blankly at the golden sand. “Ever since he died, I’ve felt like half of me has died. It feels like something went missing and will never come back. Is that love?”</p><p> </p><p>All she knew was that she didn’t want it to be love. Denial, doubt, <em>whatever</em> it was, was preventing her from deciding what her true feelings were.</p><p> </p><p>Rey raised her eyes to meet Luke, who watched her with sympathy. “I couldn’t tell you, Rey. Even if I knew from experience…”</p><p> </p><p>The tears broke through. “Well if it is love, I don’t want it,” she snapped brokenly. Thinking about this was a mistake. The gaping hole in her chest reopened and it felt like it was consuming her. She didn’t want to feel this way anymore. <em>Please make it stop</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey, its okay to feel the way that you feel. My nephew’s death was certainly too soon, but he is one with the Force now.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey froze, surprised yet again with Luke's reaction.</p><p> </p><p>She tried to stop her annoyance at his mention of the Force, fully expecting his next words to echo the Jedi code. The Force could shove it for all she cared right now. The Force took <em>him</em> away from her.</p><p> </p><p>“Feel what you must feel, but let it go before it consumes you.” Luke continued as he smiled sadly.</p><p> </p><p>“Grieve for him. Miss him for as long as you want. Figure out what your feelings were for him. But you mustn’t let it rule your life. Eventually you will be able to move on and enjoy the pleasures life has to offer. Friendship, love, family…” he trailed off. “When the time comes, let your pain go. Do not let it prevent you from moving on with your life. A life in mourning is no life at all.”</p><p> </p><p>Mourn him? Is that what she was doing? Some part of her knew that it was true. But she didn’t want to believe it.<br/>It hurt so badly to listen to what Luke was telling her, but she knew the old master was right. She couldn’t perpetually mourn Ben Solo. Eventually she would let go and move on.</p><p> </p><p>But for now, she would allow herself to grieve. It was freeing to finally have a name for it. She <em>mourned</em> Ben’s loss. She was grieving for him. Rey looked down to the sand and watched the wind blow some particles away while the silence between them lengthened.</p><p> </p><p>Something that she had been wondering for a while resurfaced in that moment. She almost decided against asking, afraid to know the answer. She didn’t know if she could handle his response. It could save her or destroy her.</p><p> </p><p>“Master Skywalker,” she began anyway, daring to go against her misgivings and asking the question that burned within her. Her hope was small, like a little flame daring to take the oxygen that surrounded it and grow larger. Maybe if she could just see him one more time—if she could just talk to him, thank him for saving her life—she could let him go and move on with. She could be at peace with his death if she could just see him once more, she knew it. A small ripple of doubt touched her at the thought. Would it be enough though? Or would seeing him make the pain worse?</p><p> </p><p>“I know what you’re going to ask me, “ he stopped her with a melancholic gesture, “and my answer is no. I haven’t seen Ben. I haven’t felt him either.” It was his turn for his brows to furrow. “I don’t know where he is. It’s so strange. I felt Leia as soon as she became one with the Force, but nothing from Ben.”</p><p> </p><p>Just like that, the little flame of hope was snuffed out. Rey started to feel dizzy, not wanting to believe what Luke told her. It couldn’t be true. “What do you mean, you haven’t felt him?” she shook her head, trying to process what Luke Skywalker told her. “I saw him disappear not even one moment after he died. You should feel him, shouldn’t you? He’s one with the force now. Just like you said.”</p><p> </p><p>Luke lowered his head, solemn. “I don’t know what’s going on. I’m sorry Rey. All I know is that I didn’t train him how to become a Force Ghost while he was my pupil.”</p><p> </p><p>He frowned down at the beige sand for a moment, “Perhaps he learned. If he did, I am sure he will come to you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes,” she quietly replied, trying to hide the worry she now felt with calm. “I know he will.”</p><p> </p><p>They were silent for a long time. The suns rose higher and higher into the sky and eventually stood exactly overhead. The heat was sweltering. Sweat ran down Rey’s spine and dripped down the sides of her neck. She needed to leave soon. It had already been more than a full day since she had landed in the Jundland Wastelands. She was almost certain that there would be numerous comms waiting for her in the Falcon’s cockpit. Perhaps Poe was already making good on his promise to retrieve her.</p><p> </p><p>Rey glanced at Luke, who stood peacefully watching the wind blow and create new sand drifts.</p><p> </p><p>“Will I see you more?” she asked him quietly, nervous to hear the answer. She didn't want to see her old master’s expression but forced herself to look up at him anyway.</p><p> </p><p>Luke smiled ruefully at Rey and shrugged. “For a time. I will be there whenever you need help. But eventually, I will have to move on.”</p><p> </p><p>Hearing this from Luke caused Rey’s aching heart pang once more. <em>So it would not be forever, then</em>, she thought sadly.</p><p> </p><p>“But,” Luke continued, “Seeing as you are the last Jedi around and are also burdened with the task of training new Jedi, I suppose that you’ll need me around for quite some time. I’ll be here when you need me, kid. Leia will be here too, though she’s still trying to get the hang of it.”</p><p> </p><p>A soft smile drew Rey’s lips up; relieved to hear that her old masters would be there to guide her in the massive responsibility she now bore. “Thank you, Luke.”</p><p> </p><p>Luke returned her smile. “Of course,” he said back. “You will always have our help when you most need it.”</p><p> </p><p>They returned to the boarding ramp of the <em>Millennium Falcon</em> and Luke paused while Rey foraged ahead and strode into the ship. She noticed that he hadn’t followed her when she reached the entrance and paused at the threshold, turning.</p><p> </p><p>“Aren’t you coming with me?” she called down to him.</p><p> </p><p>“No.” Luke stood firmly and folded his hands inside his cloak.</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s hand clenched around one of the hydraulic springs, “I need you, Luke. I don’t know what I’m doing. And I don’t want to be alone just yet. Please. Will you come with me?” she pleaded.</p><p> </p><p>“We’re always with you, Rey,” the old Jedi replied. “You don’t need me as much as you think you do right now. But when you do, I’ll be there.”</p><p> </p><p>“But—“</p><p> </p><p>“Goodbye, Rey. Don’t let yourself mourn forever…”</p><p> </p><p>Jedi Master Luke Skywalker faded from view and left Rey feeling emptier than she already felt. She squeezed her eyes shut and willed herself to breathe. Against her will, she remembered deep brown eyes and a single smile she knew she would never forget.</p><p> </p><p><em>Ben</em>, her heart whimpered, stuttering at the memory of his last moments. The memories were getting harder to suppress. The ache returned, causing Ret to gasp and press her hand against her chest. It took her breath away. Rey leaned against the curving wall of the <em>Falcon</em> and tried to collect herself. She wouldn’t allow herself to mourn and feel the pain that was so desperately trying to break free. Not yet.</p><p> </p><p>A thought occurred to her that she hadn’t allowed herself to dwell on until now. It ripped itself free of her subconscious and blared in the forefront of her mind. Rey’s mouth dropped open, and she was immediately angry at herself for not allowing herself to think of trying it before now. She sprinted to crew quarters and leapt onto her bunk, folding her legs in a meditation pose. She drew in deep calming breaths to attempt to calm the wild yet hopeful fear of what she was about to attempt.</p><p> </p><p>Luke said that he and Leia would always be near her. So what if that meant that <em>he</em> was near too? What if all she had to do was to try to call him to her? She could see him again. She would never have to be alone again. She thought of what Ben had told her they were. A Force dyad. If they shared such an unbreakably strong bond through the Force in life, surely it wouldn’t have changed in death? Maybe she would be able to say more than just goodbye to him. Maybe he could always be with her.</p><p> </p><p>Rey drew in a sharp breath and released it slowly. Her muscles slowly began relaxing as she repeated the action over and over until she felt at one with the Force. Then, with a nervous flutter of her heart and with trembling fingers, she reached out and called to Ben Solo.</p><p> </p><p>“Be with me,” she whispered softly and waited quietly for his presence to fill the room. Nothing happened, so she stilled herself once more and tried again. “Be with me,” Rey called out softly again and waited again in the silence. Her brow furrowed and she tried again and again, somehow still remaining hopeful that Ben would come to her while at the same time valiantly ignoring the obvious. He was not coming.</p><p> </p><p>Frustrated tears began to well in the corners of her eyes and she cried out once more, “Be with me. <em>Please</em>!” Her heart was tearing itself to shreds while she valiantly tried to deny the truth. The broken part of her soul that remained strained to reach out for the man she yearned for. The grief that she had walled away for the past weeks was threatening to break through. Cracks were forming quickly. There would be no stopping the cascade when she inevitably failed in finding him. She pressed on anyway, not caring about the consequences. Only thinking about seeing his eyes, that smile once more.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben, be with me…” she pleaded, sobs overtaking her and wracking her frame violently. “Please, Ben. I need you. Be with me.” The raw edges of the broken bond radiated pain. She couldn’t do it anymore.</p><p> </p><p>Rey collapsed onto the bunk, not realizing she had been levitating and her shaking hands covered her face. Ben was not here. He didn’t come to her. Why hadn’t he come? He was supposed to come…</p><p> </p><p>Her cries stilled for a brief moment when she realized that she hadn’t been able to feel him at all. Her heart broke all over again and the wall that she had been fortifying against her grief broke. It washed over her and pulled her into its depths.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Aftermath</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I planned to only post once a week, but I wanted to get a jump on what I have written, so without further ado, here is the second installment of "When We had Stars in Our Eyes". Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>CHAPTER TWO: Aftermath</p><p> </p><p>Hours passed and Rey woke up in darkness. The motion sensors must have turned the lights off ages ago, she realized as she rubbed a hand over her puffy eyes and felt at the salty stains of dried tears. The wound inside her chest felt raw with grief and yet, she felt hollow at the same time.</p><p> </p><p>She forced what had happened earlier to a hidden space in the back of her mind and sat up, blinking blearily. The barriers would not hold for long now that they had broken down. It was only a matter of time before she knew she would fall to pieces again. Best to try to keep busy in the meantime.</p><p> </p><p>When she checked the time, she cursed and bolted to the cockpit where a new Holonet relayer and holoprojector were located. It was the middle of the night cycle and she was supposed to have left by yesterday afternoon. She cursed again when she saw the number of holographic messages left for her from not only Finn and Poe, but also Rose Tico. Rey decided it was best to ignore the earlier ones and only check the last few, which would be sure to contain the most current worries and threats of tracking.</p><p> </p><p>Her hand pressed the play button and a miniature Finn appeared, tinged in blue and slightly pixelated, arms crossed in worried frustration and face set in a worried grimace.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey?” Finn asked, masking the worry she knew he felt with forced calm, “please, could you at least send us a brief comm to tell us you’re okay? I understand that you needed to do this, really, I do, but you’re seriously worrying us now. I thought you would have been en route hours ago. Poe is really starting to freak out and I’m thinking that I might have to stun him pretty soon if we don’t hear from you. In fact, Poe is literally about to get into his ship to bring you home…”</p><p> </p><p>Rey could hear Poe yelling in the background, “Get your ass back here before I come find you, you crazy Jedi!” He continued yelling but it quickly became unintelligible and so Rey refocused on what Finn had to say. She laughed a little despite herself. Poe’s antics always had a way of cheering her up as much as they frustrated her.</p><p> </p><p>“Anyway, clearly you can hear Poe losing his mind." Finn grinned slightly as crashes continued echoing in the background. "I hope you get this message soon and get back to us safely. I know it’s only been a day, but we miss you.” The transmission ended and was immediately replaced by a close up transmission of Poe Dameron. She noticed the little vein that bulged in his forehead whenever he was, putting it mildly, <em>upset</em>. His dark eyes were narrowed and the skin below his right eye was twitching sporadically. Guilt began filtering in to mix with other less desirable emotions now.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey.” Poe snapped. “Get your ass back to base now. We need you for an upcoming assault. As your commanding general, I order you to stop whatever it is you are doing—soul searching, snooping, scavenging—and fly back to base now! I told you that I would personally fly and bring you back and if you don’t contact in the next 30 minutes, I will get on my ship and tow your piece of junk off of that Force-forsaken sand trap, you hear me?”</p><p> </p><p>The angry general façade dropped and was replaced by a true look of concern, which only served to increase the guilt. “Okay I was lying about the assault, everything is fine here. But really, we’ve left a ton of messages and you kind of have all of us freaking out. Please contact us. We just want to know you’re okay…” then Poe smirked in the way that always irritated her and said, “You have 29 minutes to contact before I come for you.” The transmission ended and Rey was fully smiling now.</p><p> </p><p>            She checked the time to see how much time had passed since she received that transmission. Poe had sent it two hours ago. The last one had been sent an hour and a half before the current time. This time it was from Rose.</p><p> </p><p>            “Uh, hi, Rey. Its me, Rose Tico…” Rose looked distinctly uncomfortable addressing Rey, “Well, Poe was apparently serious about coming to get you, so Finn stunned him and decided to give you a bit more time. But, I don’t know how long he’ll be out for, so please. Can you contact us? Please?” The hologram cut off.</p><p> </p><p>            Rey’s guilt had built up to an unbearable amount. She had ignored her friends for over twenty-four hours after leaving them abruptly to go off on her own to do something she knew she had to by herself. She had repeatedly rejected their pleas to come with her. They only wanted to come because she knew that she had been acting strangely since the end of the war and they were worried for her. But they had been with her almost constantly and she just needed some space. She had felt suffocated though she knew that they meant well.</p><p> </p><p>            She turned on the <em>Falcon’s</em> holoprojector and fixed her face to look apologetic.</p><p> </p><p>            “Finn, I’m sorry I’m just now getting the messages. I’ve been a bit busy and I forgot to send a comm to tell you both that I would be staying a little longer than what I had originally decided. I’ll leave at first light. Please tell Poe that I will be back soon.” She hesitated for a moment before ending the recording and then sent it to be transmitted to Finn.</p><p> </p><p>            Rey sat in the cockpit for a moment and rested her head against the seat. She felt bad for ignoring them when they were clearly worried about her.</p><p> </p><p>Her eyes burned under her lids and her head ached from crying for so long. She wasn’t ready to go back yet. Especially now that she wasn’t so sure she could contain the grief anymore. She was tired the concerned tone everyone had when they talked to her. And the gentle questions to prod her out of whatever she was doing that made others uncomfortable. She especially loathed the hidden glances of worry that were passed around every time she entered a room, as though they were all wondering when she would finally break down. It made her shudder to think how much worse all of that would be if everyone saw her now… Could she hide the haunted look she knew her face expressed? Was she strong enough to act normal now that the grief and profound feeling of loss had finally broken through? She wasn’t so sure.</p><p> </p><p>She just wasn’t ready to talk about Exegol. Everything was still too fresh. That fact was made clear based on how she reacted a few hours ago when she failed in reaching out to Ben.</p><p> </p><p>Plus they really weren’t capable of understanding what happened and why it was tearing her apart. It was her fault. She never told them about the bond that she shared with Ben. She was always too scared to tell them. It was treasonous to regularly speak with an enemy, after all. Not only that, but the relationship she shared with Ben, antagonistic or not, was something intimate that didn’t feel right to talk about with others.</p><p> </p><p>Finn and Poe knew who Ben Solo was and to them, he would always be a murderous villain who repeatedly attempted to wipe them out. They would never see what Rey saw in him. They would not see the good that won out in the end and the man who rushed in to certain death to save her. And she certainly couldn’t blame them…but it didn’t mean that she was ready to hear them celebrate his death.</p><p> </p><p>            Rey decided to go back to bed for a few more hours. When she woke up, she would take off and return to the base on Ajan Kloss.</p><p> </p><p>Wearily, she found her way back to the large bunk and collapsed into it. She was asleep instantly.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>            “Rey…”</p><p> </p><p>            Rey stirred in her sleep, blearily aware of a soft voice calling out to her.</p><p> </p><p>            “Rey.”</p><p> </p><p>            Her eyes snapped open. Someone was calling to her. She sat up, alert and straining to hear that voice again. Why did it sound so familiar?</p><p> </p><p>            “Hello?” she called out cautiously, “Who’s there?”</p><p> </p><p>            “…Rey,” the soft voice whispered again.</p><p> </p><p>            She knew that voice. She would recognize that voice anywhere.</p><p> </p><p>            Her heart was racing. Ben had come to her. <em>He was here!</em> She jumped off of the bunk and tried to follow the voice, nearly crashing outside of the door. It seemed to be coming from the cockpit.</p><p> </p><p>            Rey burst in through the doors, a bundle of nervous excitement. The ache seemed to be soothed for the moment.</p><p> </p><p>            “Ben!” she cried, searching for his tall figure in the small room.</p><p> </p><p>            No one was there.</p><p> </p><p>The room was completely empty.</p><p> </p><p>            “Ben…” Rey whispered, the giddiness she felt vanished and was replaced by something that gnawed on her broken heart.</p><p> </p><p>            He wasn’t there.</p><p> </p><p>            Rey crumpled into the back left chair as she felt her knees weaken. The tumult of emotions had drained her and she felt numb. She supposed should be grateful that it was numbness that overtook her. It was much better than the other pains that ate away at her.</p><p>She stared at the floor blankly for a time, watching the floor’s durasteel panels grow lighter from the rising suns.</p><p> </p><p><em>Was it already dawn?</em> Rey peeked out through the shield and saw that the first sun was just beginning to ascend past the horizon. It was too low for the floor panels to be affected yet. The world outside looked dusky purple, a hint of pink on the horizon.</p><p> </p><p>The room was backlit with a distinct hint of blue and Rey felt a prickling on her neck that she associated with the Force.</p><p> </p><p>            Rey started and whipped her head back to the chair to her right. A small feminine figure sat there, emitting a familiar soft blue glow and was beaming up at Rey.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>            “Hello, Rey,” a low feminine voice greeted quietly.</p><p> </p><p>General Leia Organa Solo smiled up at Rey more widely than she had ever seen before. She still wore the simple white gown and headscarf she had worn a couple of days ago, though the scarf was now around her shoulders.</p><p> </p><p>“Leia!” Rey exclaimed in surprise. “You’re here?”</p><p> </p><p>Leia nodded her head and blinked slowly, “Of course I am. I needed to speak to you,” she gently replied.</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s brows rose and a smile rose to her lips. The Force growing in the room did a great deal to soothe away the grief. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” she asked her old master.</p><p> </p><p>Leia’s eyes went glassy and then shone with bright tears. “First, I wanted to tell you how incredibly proud I am of you, Rey. You did it. You stopped your grandfather and saved the <em>entire</em> galaxy.” The apparition of Leia grabbed Rey’s hands and to her surprise, she felt something there. Just like she had with Luke. She knew she shouldn’t be surprised since she had also felt Leia’s brother, but it was odd feeling a ghost. It wasn’t the same as a physical being touching flesh, but there was a slight bit of substance to the hold. Rey took comfort in the familiar contact with her master.</p><p> </p><p>“The galaxy owes you a great debt of gratitude Rey. You saved us all.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey found herself blushing at the praise and looked down, “I couldn’t have done it without help. Like the Resistance. And I had the help of the Jedi.” She responded. It really wasn’t just her who had done it. Without the help of others, it would have been a lost cause.</p><p> </p><p>Leia cocked an eyebrow and disagreed. “They were very important components, yes, but you destroyed Palpatine. <em>You </em>wiped out the Sith.”</p><p> </p><p>She continued, “You, Rey Skywalker, saved us all. Without you, everything would have failed.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey shrugged absently, she wasn’t sure how to respond to the praise. How did one go about accepting compliments on saving the Galaxy? A sick feeling corrupted her musing as she realized with heated shame that she had forgotten someone that had been key to her success.</p><p> </p><p>Rey glanced back up to meet Leia’s eyes and held them fiercely. “I couldn’t have done any of it without <em>Ben</em>.” She said it to Leia emphatically, stressing his name.</p><p> </p><p>Leia’s eyes softened in motherly pride at the mention of her son’s name.</p><p> </p><p>“And yet, my son was only there because of you, Rey. Because you saved him. You brought him back.” Leia was beaming once more, tears of joy collecting in her eyes. “It all comes back to you, my darling girl.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt a well of warmth fill her chest and her eyes began to burn with tears of bittersweet pride. “We both saved him Leia.”</p><p> </p><p>Leia nodded, “I may have given the final push, but it never would have worked without you. He came back because of your bond with him. Because you saw the good in him where others couldn’t. Han and I were not enough. But you were. Your love saved him, Rey. And for that, I will forever be indebted to you. You brought us our son back.“</p><p> </p><p>The words felt so good to hear, but they stung Rey as well because they reminded her of what she had lost. The walls began crumbling once more and grief began pouring out. Ben had come back to the Light, it was true, but he had been taken away almost immediately after. The knowledge haunted her every waking moment though she did her best to forget it.</p><p> </p><p>With the failure of her walls, memories began flooding in with the grief. She remembered the moment that he brought her back. She had opened her eyes, confused at what was happening and saw Ben Solo’s shining pair looking down at her. He stared at her in amazement that she was breathing and his fingers had gently grazed the back of her head, entwined in her hair. Ben just gazed at her intently, as if he was trying to memorize her face. They way he looked at her set her soul on fire. Something stirred deep within her and she knew that all she wanted for the rest of her life was for Ben Solo to look at her like that every day until they died.</p><p> </p><p>He hadn’t said a word. He hadn’t needed to. In those dark eyes, Rey saw everything he wanted her to see: relief, exhaustion, joy, pain… something that looked very similar to her idea of what love might be. Rey felt something deep, and resonating coming from him and in that moment, she allowed herself to completely feel it for him too.</p><p> </p><p>In that moment she stopped resisting the feelings for him she had been fighting against for so long and began to imagine a future with him.</p><p> </p><p>And in that moment, she kissed him. She craved to feel his lips on hers—craved to communicate what she felt to him.</p><p> </p><p>During their brief kiss, she witnessed flashes of their life together. What she saw was beautiful. Stolen moments aboard the <em>Millennium Falcon</em> as they travelled through the stars. Kisses in the rain. Two figures—one tall and imposing, the other compact and lean— stood silhouetted by a domed temple in the background. She saw them grow old together willed him to see it too. Rey liked to think that he had.</p><p> </p><p>The kiss was too much and not enough all at once. His lips were soft against hers and his arms wound around her, pulling her close to him. Kissing him made her feel things that she never thought she would feel in her lifetime. Total bliss, contentment, a feeling of finally being made whole. She had felt his heart pounding against hers and fell in love with the sensation immediately.</p><p> </p><p>His chest was broad and well muscled—just as she had imagined it feeling when she saw him shirtless last year. Her fingers remained locked on his cheek, keeping him close. She had longed for him to deepen their kiss, but he pulled away shortly after. Rey had been ready to kiss him again, but then he had looked at her and…he smiled. It stole the very breath from her.</p><p> </p><p>Rey decided in that moment that Ben Solo had the most beautiful smile in the world. His eyes had shone with pure, unadulterated joy and she knew that it was because they were together. Her heart sang and she trembled under the piercing gaze of the man before her. Nothing could ever compare with his smile. She wanted to see that smile every day for the rest of her life.</p><p> </p><p>Then, it ended. She remembered the alarm that surged through her when his smile faltered and his body had gone limp immediately after. She had tried to hold him up, tried to keep him from falling, but his weight had proved to be too much. Ben collapsed backward.</p><p> </p><p>And just like that, he was gone. It happened too fast for her to panic.</p><p> </p><p>She watched in frozen shock as his eyes closed and his body faded away. Rey’s heart shattered in that moment. Her soul was torn in two in one brief moment, leaving her feeling horribly hollow. Her hastily imagined future destroyed mere moments after it was realized.</p><p> </p><p>All she felt was empty—cold and numb. In that moment, she wished for nothing more than to succumb to the dark nothingness that had taken Ben Solo from her.</p><p> </p><p>Rey was pulled back into the moment with Leia.</p><p> </p><p>The grief that plagued her since that night had a gravity that pulled her down into its depths. She knew now that she couldn’t escape it. She felt so lost. Her once indomitable hope was gone. It faded away as her future had.</p><p> </p><p>“I wish he was still here…” she whimpered softly, unable to speak any more loudly for fear of sounding broken. “I wish I could have saved him.” Silent tears fell down her cheeks. Rey didn’t think she had cried so much before in her life. This heartache was too much. She didn’t know how much more she would be able to tolerate before it stole her away too. She welcomed it if it meant she could see Ben again.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“You did save him, Rey.” Leia answered in earnest. “He died, but you saved him in ways you cannot comprehend.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey smiled sadly before continuing her musing out loud. “You know, for a painfully wonderful but brief moment, I thought I saw a vision of my life before me. And it was with him. We would have started a school together and we would have grown old together. It was beautiful,” Rey professed mournfully to Leia, remembering the flashes of their life she had seen. It proved too much and the grief bubbled up.</p><p>She bit her lip to prevent a sob from escaping. Remembering the vision hurt too much. “But he’s gone.”</p><p> </p><p>She wrapped her arms around herself and rocked gently as waves of grief crashed over her. The waves would soon pull her out into an ocean she knew she couldn’t tread. She was trembling. This was the first time that she had allowed herself to think about Ben’s last moments with her since they happened. It had only been three weeks, but the pain was as fresh as though it had just happened.</p><p> </p><p>Warm fingers wrapped under her chin and she met Leia’s intense eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“No one is truly ever gone, Rey,” she beseeched her, eyes looking back and forth between Rey’s own hazel ones.</p><p> </p><p>Rey sniffed and tried to quell the ache in her chest.</p><p> </p><p>“I know, I know, <em>he’s one with the force now</em>,” she responded in a bitterly. “But I spent hours yesterday trying to reach out to him. Hours, Leia.”</p><p> </p><p>She shook her head in frustration as another wave of grief tried to drag her out with it. She was clawing herself out—she had to or else she wouldn’t make it. “I couldn’t feel him. I can feel you and I can feel Luke. But Ben?” she questioned as desperation filled her voice, “He’s not there. I couldn’t feel him.“</p><p> </p><p>A thought occurred to her and it hurt more than the fact that he hadn’t come to her when she sought him.</p><p> </p><p>Her chest twisted in anguish and she felt like she wasn’t getting enough air. The thought killed her, but she had to say it out loud. “Or maybe he’s hidden himself from me and didn’t want to come to me when I called out to him…”</p><p> </p><p>The old general gasped and pulled Rey’s hands into hers once more. Rey could see Leia’s blue-white hands squeeze hers tightly, but it barely registered with Rey this time. Nothing was registering with her as she fought to breathe through the intense panic shooting through her. She was surprised that she could feel the gesture at all.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Never</em> believe that. <em>Ever.”</em> She commanded Rey firmly.</p><p> </p><p>“But—how would you know otherwise? I saw Ben’s body become one with the force. I should be able to feel him—“</p><p> </p><p>Leia cut her off. “—I know because I’ve seen him.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s eyes widened, “You’ve seen Ben?” she murmured in shock, not daring to believe her former master.</p><p> </p><p>Leia nodded, a hint of a smile touching her eyes in remembrance. “Almost immediately after he died. I came to him,” she smiled fondly in remembrance. “But it was brief. He couldn’t stay long.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey blushed, foolishly thinking of the kiss she had shared with Ben while holding a conversation with his mother of all people. It helped to push back the grief.</p><p> </p><p>“Can I see him?” she asked hopefully. “Where is he? Why can’t I feel him? And why hasn’t he come to see me?” questions flooded from her. “Why—“</p><p> </p><p>Leia held up a hand to stop the barrage, her eyes closed in concentration.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m afraid that isn’t something I can tell you, Rey. The Force works in ways we can’t comprehend. Search your feelings and you will find where you need to go to get your answers.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s mouth snapped shut along with her eyes. If the Force could guide her to her answers then there was nothing stopping her from reaching out to listen. She immediately sought out the empty peace that was the Force and willed her emotions away. It was hard. It was almost impossible to empty her soul from the pain and grief that drenched every part of her, but her sheer determination to find answers somehow blocked those feelings out long enough for her to listen to the Force’s whispers.</p><p> </p><p>A verdantly green yet rocky island surrounded by iron gray water appeared in her minds eye.</p><p> </p><p>“Ahch-To,” Rey breathed out in answer to her own question. She opened her eyes and looked to Leia for confirmation.</p><p> </p><p>Leia nodded, beginning to fade. “Go to Ahch-To, Rey. You’ll find everything you need there.”</p><p>Rey sat in awed silence as she watched her old master fade from view. How would all of her questions be answered on Ahch-To? She hadn’t realized it until just now, but she had closed herself off from the Force slightly over the past few weeks. With her connection now re-established, Rey felt the Force subtly pulling on her to go there.</p><p> </p><p>So she determined to find out what was waiting on the watery world.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Ahch-To</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Another update to get the momentum going! After this I think I'm going to move to a weekly update schedule. I hope you all enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>CHAPTER THREE: Ahch-To</p><p> </p><p>Rey set a course to Ahch-To through the Hydian Way to the Lipsec Run out to uncharted space in the Unknown Regions. For most of the route, the three droids within the ship’s navicomputer could navigate the course, leaving Rey to her own devices.</p><p> </p><p>The arrival time was estimated to be thirty six hours from now. When she saw the time it was going to take, she almost screamed in frustration. Rey would have to wait a day and a half to get the answers Leia had promised her. Until then, she didn’t know what to do with herself. How would she stay occupied to pass the time?</p><p> </p><p>She was scared of what she would find when she reached the ocean covered planet. Anxiety ripped through her stomach while she paced the <em>Falcon’s</em> corridors just outside of the cockpit as the ship was completing its pre-take off procedures. At least now that she knew she would find answers soon, the heavy pain that overwhelmed her was tempered for the time being. Though the hollow feeling of loneliness still remained and was now mixed with crippling anxiety. It was something that she could function with.</p><p> </p><p>Her thoughts turned back to her visit with the old General. Why had Leia been so cryptic? What had she meant? Did she want to know?</p><p> </p><p>Rey didn’t want to think about what might be there. She was too terrified to hope. She was also terrified to get answers that crushed her already bleeding heart. She couldn’t stop her mind from going back to what Leia said near the end. She was getting answers about <em>Ben.</em></p><p> </p><p>Rey had a feeling that she would go mad before arriving on the hidden planet if she didn’t find something to do soon.</p><p> </p><p>The ship’s navicomputer would handle guiding the ship just fine while in hyperspace without her there, so she didn’t need to navigate unless she was transferring to different hyperlanes and when she neared the atmosphere of Ahch-To. That meant that for the majority of the course, she would be useless.</p><p> </p><p>She sighed and touched her head, feeling the gritty and somehow still greasy texture of her dirty hair. Rey cringed at the sensation. <em>Well</em>, she thought sardonically, <em>at least I have one thing to do over the next 36 hours.</em></p><p> </p><p>Some time later, Rey paced nervously around the ship’s main hold. She had spent a good 45 minutes in the <em>Falcon’s</em> refresher, letting hot, recycled water wash over her. It was still crazy to her that the ship had an actual <em>water</em> refresher. Sonic refreshers were fine. They worked great. But there was something about hot water running over her body and washing the dirt away that Rey couldn’t resist. Rey came from the refresher feeling amazing. She toweled her hair off and pulled half of it back, looking at it with a critical eye.</p><p> </p><p>Flashes of a black and white turbolift on a Star Destroyer and earnest dark eyes meeting hers blossomed in her mind. Her heart curled in on itself at the memory and she nimbly changed her hair to her classic three buns up do then left the refresher room quickly.</p><p> </p><p>Rey then spent a few hours trying to distract her mind by cleaning the crew quarters. She had thrown away most of the old junk a while back, but the room was in desperate need of a good wiping and reorganizing. After she finished that, she had tried to restore some function to the ship’s broken down galley. It wasn’t much of galley anyway…it was more of a counter space with food appliances hooked in.</p><p> </p><p>Han and Chewie hadn’t prioritized it, so many of the food processing units had broken down or were covered in mechanical grease. Rey was determined to getting most of the processing units back online seeing as she would be the one to use the ship most often now. Chewie didn’t want to take ownership. He only wanted to remain the first mate, even after Rey had offered the beloved ship to him.</p><p> </p><p>When she asked him why, his response surprised her. <em>It just wouldn’t feel right for me to be anything but the first mate</em>, he said with a shrug. And that was the end of it.</p><p> </p><p>After a few hours of playing with wiring, adjusting mechanical components and a lot of scrubbing, she was successful in adding the rehydrator and a surprisingly large food synthesizer back to the ship’s list of working appliances. The cooler was the only food appliance that was in great working order before her repairs. It was nearly empty, but contained a few drinks that Rey hadn’t had the appetite to break into. It felt good to fix things again.</p><p> </p><p>As a reward to herself, she rehydrated a breakfast pack and tried to eat it. It felt amazing to eat hot food again after so many days of veg-meat and polystarch. But then she remembered why she had been so set on distracting herself and that made her stomach turn with nerves.</p><p> </p><p>Now, her breakfast sat on the table to the right, half eaten. Rey calculated that she had been en route for about five hours. <em>Ugh</em>, she still had thirty one hours left on course. She didn’t know what else to do. By her estimation, it was only an hour or so past noon. She would land on Luke’s island in Ahch-To late afternoon tomorrow.</p><p> </p><p>Pacing in the main hold, Rey tried to think about what she was most likely to find there. She honestly didn’t know. Would she be able to feel him? Luke had told her that Ahch-To was a planet that was strong with the energies of the Force. And if she could feel him, would she be able to connect with him there? It seemed of all places, a planet centered on the Force would be where she could feel Ben Solo’s presence.</p><p> </p><p>She imagined hearing his voice again, though she dare not hope for it. If she allowed herself to hope, it would only crush her if it didn’t happen. She tried to keep her expectations low in case the answers she found did not include an apparition of Ben Solo.</p><p> </p><p>Rey feared that instead of seeing his Force Ghost, she would learn that he was gone and he couldn’t or wouldn’t come back. She didn’t know if she could survive that. The pain that she had walled off once more threatened to spill into her soul. Maybe she shouldn’t go.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe it would be better to stay far away from Ahch-To and learn to live with the grief of loss as all other people did. One day she would overcome it. One day it would just be another empty ache that she could live through. Just another scar.</p><p> </p><p>Rey hesitated, wondering if she should just turn around and fly back to Ajan Kloss. She could forget this ever happened and throw herself into some sort of project.</p><p> </p><p>An incessantly loud beeping sounded from the cockpit. Rey burst through the doors to find that the holoprojector was receiving a long distance transmission via the Holonet. She answered it and the hologram of a young man with short, relaxed dreads appeared. His eyes widened in surprise and he released a breath he had been holding in relief.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey, thank goodness you answered!” He greeted her with a surprised smile of relief. It was clear that he hadn’t expected her to answer.</p><p> </p><p>“Finn!” Rey returned enthusiastically, happy to have someone to talk to so that she might be distracted for a bit longer.</p><p> </p><p>She sat down in the pilot’s chair and adjusted the hologram accordingly. “I’m sorry that I haven’t really reached out much the past few days…” she apologized, “I’ve been so busy that when I get back, I’m exhausted and go straight to sleep. I should have known that my being away would be worrisome to you and Poe.”</p><p> </p><p>Finn’s smile relaxed a bit and he waved off the apology. <em>His nature is so forgiving</em>, she thought in appreciation. “I know Rey, I just want you to know that we want to be there for you. I don’t know what happened in that Sith temple, but I do know that when you are ready to talk about it, I will be ready to listen to all you have to say.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey tensed, but didn’t say anything, biting the inside of her cheek instead. She knew that it wasn’t fair, but she really was getting tired of her friends bringing up Exegol almost every time they spoke.</p><p> </p><p>Finn was such an amazing friend to have, he really was. It was just getting trying dodging the hinting pokes. She tried to see it from his side. He was just concerned for a friend who had been acting distant before Exegol and then who pulled away even more afterwards.</p><p> </p><p>Still, she reminded herself that he was trying to show that he was there for her. And that he cared. Even though Rey had been shutting him out—especially since Exegol—he remained understanding and loyal if a bit pushy at times. She knew that it was all from a place of love. She also knew that her latest string of decisions were proving frustrating to him, but he hadn’t once spoken out of turn about it.</p><p> </p><p>She cringed, realizing that her most recent actions will prove very frustrating to him…</p><p> </p><p>“I know Finn, thank you for being there for me,” Rey responded gratefully. She kept it simple. She wasn’t ready to tell him what she was doing now…</p><p> </p><p>Finn peered closer, as if he could see the cockpit better if he did that. “Where are you Rey?” he asked her, “Are you heading back now? The connection is a bit fuzzy. Are you in hyperspace?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey froze. Looks like they were going to be having that conversation real soon.</p><p> </p><p>Rey bit her lip and looked away. She didn’t want to upset him by telling him that she wasn’t coming home yet after promising that she would. He was going to get very upset with her. “No… not yet. But I’m preparing to enter hyperspace right now,” she began lying hesitantly. Lying? Why would she just jump straight to that? She's been in hyperspace for hours. She cleared her throat to speak more when he started talking again.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh good, I’ve gotta say, I’m glad you got to do this, but you had Poe and I a little worried there. How far away are you from Ajan Kloss? Will you be here in time for dinner? Mess hall is serving up something special. I’ve heard it from at least five different staff members today…” Finn stopped once he noticed the distinctly uncomfortable expression on Rey’s face. The excitement on his face vanished and his brows fell in realization.</p><p> </p><p>“Finn…” Rey began carefully, “I’m not coming back. Not yet.”</p><p> </p><p>Finn’s face went blank, as though he hadn’t understood her.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry, what?” he asked, “I must have misunderstood you, Rey. Where are you?” He looked down at something and his brows came together in confusion. “I can’t locate the <em>Falcon</em>. Is your beacon down again or something?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt the guilt intensify as she looked at the little homing beacon she promised to carry with her to Tatooine. She had shut the beacon and tracking off to prevent Poe and Finn from tracking her down and following her to Ahch-To as soon as she had set course hours earlier.</p><p> </p><p>“I uh, I shut the beacon down…” she trailed off awkwardly as she watched Finn’s face rapidly change from surprise to bewilderment to hurt and finally to fierce irritation.</p><p> </p><p>“What? I’m sorry, you turned off your beacon specifically because…?” His expression bordered on flaming angry. She didn’t have to feel his presence in the Force to know what he was feeling ever. His face was always so expressive.</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s face flushed in embarrassed defense. She had not been looking forward to telling Finn that she wasn’t coming back yet because she knew it would cause a huge fight. That fact wouldn’t change that she <em>needed</em> to do this. She would not turn back without getting the answers that she so desperately needed. So she grit her teeth in determination and raised her chin a fraction. “I turned my beacon off because I didn’t want you or Poe to follow me when I told you that I wasn’t coming back yet. There’s something that I need to do first.”</p><p> </p><p>Finn’s mouth fell open and he shook his head in disbelief. “What? Why? Rey, this is crazy. You are acting <em>crazy.</em>”</p><p> </p><p>Rey's mouth snapped shut at the insult but she held her tongue and waited for Finn to continue.</p><p> </p><p>There was a brief silence as Finn examined Rey’s face closely. His eyes tightened with anxiety when he saw something he must have been looking for in her expression. “This isn’t you Rey. You’re not yourself. Please, stop whatever it is that you’re doing and come back to base.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey shook her head vehemently; “I have to do this, Finn. I <em>need</em> to do this.”</p><p> </p><p>“You need to be with family right now,” Finn heatedly argued back. “Rey, come back to base. You’re worrying all of us.”</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t understand,” Rey resisted. He was not making this easy for her. More than anything she wanted to end the connection and hide from any more calls. “Finn, this isn’t something that I can do with you tagging along with me. It’s something that I have to do by myself. I promise, I will come back after I’m through.”</p><p> </p><p>            She felt almost as though she were pleading with him, though she knew that he wouldn’t be able to stop her. Rey just hated the fact that he was angry with her.</p><p> </p><p>She knew that he was justified in being angry with her. She had been acting off for weeks and then when she decided to leave and bury Luke and Leia’s sabers, she insisted on going by herself. Then she had ignored their holocalls to check on her and stayed longer than she had promised. She had done nothing to dissipate their worry. In fact, she was doing the exact opposite. Rather than return as she had again promised, she was flying off to a planet in the Unknown Regions after having actively turned off all beaconing capabilities.</p><p> </p><p>“Honestly, Rey, I don’t know if I believe that right now.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s eye’s squeezed shut, stung by his words. She deserved that.</p><p> </p><p>“I know you don’t. And its okay, I understand. I know that I’ve been different. I know that I’ve refused to talk to you about what happened on Exegol. You’re right; I haven’t been myself since the end of the war. Things happened there that you couldn’t possibly understand and all I’ve done since then is block you and Poe and everyone else out.” She breathed in deeply, out of breath from her hurried words.</p><p> </p><p>“Finn,” she entreated, “I feel the Force pulling me to do this. I need answers and this is how I am going to get them. Hopefully I will get the closure I need. And if I do, then I think that I’ll be ready to talk. Okay?” Maybe she really <em>would </em>be ready to share after she did this. She hoped that she would be ready.</p><p> </p><p>Finn’s jaw flexed in a furious tick, but his eyes softened and after a beat, he finally gave one short nod in assent. “Alright. If you really think that this is what you need to do, then I won’t stop you—especially if it’s the Force guiding you. Just. Please, come back after. Okay?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey swallowed in relief and nodded. “Yes. I promise.”</p><p> </p><p>Finn relaxed slightly though he was obviously still upset, “Okay.”</p><p> </p><p>“You know, Poe is not going to be okay with this, right?” he added, trying to release the tension for her sake.</p><p> </p><p>She bit her lip, and fought a rueful smile. “I know. Tell him I’m sorry and that I have to do this.”</p><p> </p><p>Finn nodded again, “I will.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you, Finn,” she called out softly, a small, grateful smile on her lips.</p><p>His own smile was half hearted, but at least he wasn’t overtly angry anymore. She would take it as a win.</p><p> </p><p>“I have to get going,” he finally responded, looking away. It was clear to her that he didn’t want to be a part of the conversation anymore. She tried not to let it hurt her. She failed.</p><p> </p><p>“May the force be with you, Rey.”</p><p> </p><p>The hologram cut out and the blue glow disappeared, darkening the cockpit.</p><p> </p><p>Rey stared out at the stars streaking past as her eyes burnt with unshed tears. “May the force be with you too, my friend.”</p><p> </p><p>She knew that she had not been a very good friend lately and that Finn and Poe deserved more from her. She truly hoped that when she returned from Ahch-To that she would feel more herself. Hopefully things could ease toward normal, eventually going back to how it was before Exegol happened.</p><p> </p><p>But Rey wasn’t going to kid herself. She knew that she would never get completely back to who she was before. She had lost too much that night. It would take time, but she hoped that this would be the first step to recovering some sense of normalcy.</p><p> </p><p>Rey checked the time. She still had 30 hours before she landed. She sighed heavily and stood up, determined to clean up some more of the ship. And then she would see to the repair supplies that Chewie had left and work on tasks that could be worked on while the ship was en route. She set off to the galley once more to see what exposed wiring she could seal up first.</p><p> </p><p>Ten hours later, Rey found herself standing in the refresher again. She had cleaned and repaired so intensely that her muscles ached from the exertion of the tasks. Her back ached the most from hunching over for so long. She was covered in grease, dust and the muck of years of neglect, but she was happy with the improvements of the <em>Millennium Falcon</em>. She was also exhausted. Rather than stand under the water as she had earlier in the day, she pulled out the small seat and sat directly under the spouts, letting the hot water relax her tense muscles. She would likely have a sore back tomorrow. Nothing a little bit of healing couldn’t help.</p><p> </p><p>Rey scrubbed at the grease stains on her arms and little by little, cleaned off the stubborn substance. After she was clean, she continued to sit under the spouts, musing about this and that. This time, she stayed in the refresher for an hour. She felt that she had earned it. Especially since she was the only one on the ship.</p><p> </p><p>The clothing refresher dinged, letting her know that her clothes had completed their cleaning cycle and she toweled off before ambling over to the device. Her cream tunic was warm to the touch as she redressed and she shivered in pleasure as the heat soaked in. It felt good to be clean after a hard day’s labor. She crossed the hall to the crew’s quarters and made her way to the large doublewide bunk that she had claimed as hers. She lay down and stared up at the ceiling of the bunk, but now that she was out of the refresher, the nerves were beginning to return and she was beginning to feel restless again. She stood up and paced around, eventually wandering into the closet turned storage area.</p><p> </p><p>Though the closet mostly stored spare parts and extra rations, a small section still retained its original purpose. Over the past year, the closet had been used to store her personal effects such as tunics, vests, pants and leggings, along with a few items that she hadn’t wanted to keep in the barracks, such as the old Jedi Texts she’d stolen from the uneti tree library.</p><p> </p><p>Rey had never had the heart to remove Han Solo’s old clothes, so in the small corner cabinet, she had shoved the shirts, pants and boots he had left in there. Behind those clothes, she had carefully hidden a pair of scuffed black boots and socks, fine black pants and a thick sweater-like undershirt with a hole burned through the front and back. Quietly, she stopped in front of Han’s old things and parted through the clothes, reaching to grab the damaged black shirt and hold it close to her chest.</p><p> </p><p>It still smelled like him.</p><p> </p><p>Leather and smoke. Sandalwood and sweat.</p><p> </p><p>Rey knew how odd it was that she had taken Ben’s clothing, but as she left Exegol, she found that she couldn’t leave them behind. She needed to have something left of him to take with her. So, mad with shock and grief, she had reverently folded his clothing and carried them with her to Luke’s old X-wing fighter. Her plan had been to find an appropriate final resting place for Ben’s things as she had with Luke and Leia’s lightsabers, but since she knew so little about Ben Solo, she didn’t know what place might have an impact as Tatooine did for Luke. So, she resolved to keep his clothes in the ship with his father’s things.</p><p> </p><p>The black sweater was butter soft in her hands. She rubbed the shirt between her hands; savoring its fine quality and the warmth it held. Rey brought the black shirt to her face, breathing in deeply and took in the salty tang of sweat and cologne.</p><p> </p><p>It was strange. If someone had asked Rey a month ago how she would feel about the death of Kylo Ren, she would have naively informed anyone stupid enough to ask that she would feel relieved. His death would have brought her peace. She would have been released from her conflicted feelings and would no longer have to think about him or their convoluted relationship.</p><p> </p><p>But she had been foolish. She didn’t know that shortly after their final battle on Kef Bir, he would throw himself into certain death to rescue her from Darth Sidious on Exegol. She didn’t know that when the Force connected them once more, she would not see her enemy, but the man she long dreamed of—even longed for in the most secret parts of her heart—staring at her with such earnest openness, anxiously willing her to know that he was there for <em>her</em>. That he was there to save her. To help her in her darkest hour. And in that moment of connection, she knew that he would move galaxies for her. She knew that she would move galaxies for him too. She didn’t know that their last connection would change <em>everything.</em></p><p> </p><p>The memory tore at the weakened wall and allowed some of the pain slip through. It was agonizing. But at the same time, remembering his face—the expressions flitting so obviously across it—filled her chest with warmth. The hollowness was still there. It would always be there. She still felt like half of her heart and soul had been brutally cut away, but with that warmth glowing inside at his memory, the pain wasn’t as bad.</p><p> </p><p>Without thinking, she pulled the shirt on and made her way out of the closet and into bed, where she spent a few more hours thinking about what had happened over the past few weeks and wishing desperately that she could change them.</p><p> </p><p>When sleep finally came, Rey was exhausted and for once, did not dream.</p><hr/><p>Rey woke up feeling better rested than she had in weeks. She stretched and noticed the black shirt she had on, remembering with embarrassment that she had put it on impulsively last night. She went to take it off but then thought better of it. It felt…good to have something of Ben’s on her. So she left it hanging loosely on her frame and went to check the how much time had elapsed since she took off yesterday.</p><p> </p><p>Her stomach grumbled and she detoured to the galley. Her meal from yesterday still sat on the table and she realized that she hadn’t eaten since lunch yesterday. She set to selecting a meal to rehydrate and ended up selecting a rustic looking bread and some sort of cured meat and fruit. Rey sat down and finished the whole thing. She was shocked when her stomach didn’t protest after finishing. Her cup was also empty, which was impressive as well. It appeared that perhaps she was regaining her appetite?</p><p> </p><p>Just as a precaution, she sat and waited at the table until she was sure that it would stay down. She hadn’t puked since the first few days, but she really hadn’t eaten much since then either. Once Rey was satisfied that breakfast would stay down, she entered the cockpit once more and was pleasantly surprised to find out that twenty-eight hours had elapsed since she left Tatooine.</p><p> </p><p>She only had eight hours left until she arrived. Rey thought on what else she could do to pass the time. The ship's vital mechanics were in good shape, as well as the ship’s secondary machinery. She’d made sure of that yesterday. The things leftover that needed repair were smaller things like the food processor, which she had already fixed. She didn’t think she had the patience to do much more cleaning, so she decided to head back to the crew quarters to meditate and re-read the Jedi Texts.</p><p> </p><p>She attempted to read the Rammahgon, only making it a few pages in before she drifted off to sleep once more.</p><p> </p><hr/><p>Rey awoke to the damp stench of cold, decomposing seaweed. It was dark. Uncomfortably cool air was being pulled in from a hole above her. She glanced around, recognizing where she was with a start. She knew this place.</p><p> </p><p>Her heart started pounding in fear as she remembered the last time she was inside Ahch-To’s Mirror Cave. She tried evening her breaths to calm down. The fine hairs on her arms stood on end. She could feel the darkness fighting its way into her heart.</p><p> </p><p>The darkness was so thick that it seemed almost tangible. She could feel the light draining from her as she stood and walked slowly to the mirrored wall. She felt drawn to it, though she didn’t know why. Rey hadn’t descended to its depths with a question burning in her mind this time. She didn’t understand why she was there at all.</p><p> </p><p>Her heavy breaths echoed and reverberated through the cavern, much like her quiet questions had that first time.</p><p> </p><p>“Why am I here?” she asked, afraid. A quick glance at her hands told her that she was trembling fiercely. She had not wanted to step foot in this place ever again. The last time she was here, she ended up feeling more alone than she had in her life. The only good thing that came of it was that the cave had thrown her into the arms of a man who was supposed to be her enemy. She wanted to go to him now. But that was impossible.</p><p> </p><p>Hesitantly, Rey walked forward to the hazy mirrored wall before her.</p><p> </p><p>After what seemed like millennia, she stopped before it. What was that thing trying to show her? She knew she shouldn’t touch it, but the darkness within her urged her to reach out. It told her that she would know what she wanted—that she could get all of her answers now if she just touched the mirror before her.</p><p> </p><p>Something within her quietly protested. It told her to run and never turn back. But she was too tempted. She quieted the voice and touched it with a single finger.</p><p> </p><p>Something—someone approached. Much like the last time, she could not see who it was. The shape was hazy, the details blurred. But as the figure approached, Rey’s breath caught painfully. There was no denying the familiarity of that broad, silhouette. Ben. Rey could feel his presence there. The figure behind the mirror moved and set a large hand against it from the other side. Her heart stuttered and she was so tempted to press her hand fully against the reflective stone and place her palm against his. Only, she knew that if she did, his image would fade away and she would be left seeing only herself.</p><p> </p><p>Rey ripped her finger away, fell to her knees and let the sobs overcome her as the image vanished anyway.</p><p> </p><p>The proximity sensors blared and jarred Rey out of her doze. The navicomputer was alerting her that she would soon reach the atmosphere of Ahch-To. Rey’s heart raced with anticipation and her mouth suddenly felt dry, the strange dream was pushed from her mind temporarily. She rushed into the cockpit right as the <em>Falcon</em> exited hyperspace.</p><p> </p><p>The watery planet came into view ahead and Rey sat down in the pilot seat to take over and fly the <em>Millennium Falcon</em> down to Temple Island.</p><p> </p><p>Rey flew the ship into the planet’s atmosphere and breathed in deeply, attempting to calm her nerves. Due to the rotation of the planet, it took a few minutes for her to locate the current position of the island, but once she found it, she set a course directly to it.</p><p> </p><p>What was that dream, she wondered uneasily. Why would her mind take her to that dark place—the place that gave no answers and only served to torment those foolish enough to enter its depths? She shuddered, thinking of the broad outline of Ben Solo. He wouldn’t be in a place like that. But that didn’t explain how she had felt him there. If she went to that evil hole in the ground, would she feel him in there again? Is this what Leia had promised?</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt against the temptation to dive into the depths despite the fact that she had nearly downed last time. He was there somehow. It was in her dream. She knew it. Yet the sick feeling that she had quieted in the dream niggled back into her thoughts and told her it was a lie. That vile place did not hold the answers for her. It was a place of darkness.</p><p> </p><p>The wall she built cracked a little bit more and her soul crumbled as grief leaked through the weak points.</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, Rey felt as if the will of the Force was crashing like the waves below down on her. The ship jerked sharply to the left as she fought to focus on the task at hand. The sheer weight of the Force was immense. It felt like it was trying to drag her to a particular location and Rey responded to the pull. Following Force’s will seemed to satisfy it and the weight lessened to the point where she could think again. The pull she felt didn’t feel like the presence of a force ghost, she realized with disappointment. But she could feel that it was guiding her to Luke’s island. <em>Well,</em> she thought with a measure of satisfaction, <em>at least I was already going there.</em> Rey spotted Temple Island and began the final descent.</p><p> </p><p>The water moved in gentler waves here, reflecting the two sun’s light off of the deep iron hued depths. The sky seemed brighter and the island itself appeared lush and brighter than before. Rey realized that it must be a different season from when she was here for Luke. It seemed calmer now.</p><p> </p><p>The suns were making their way to the horizon and within an hour or two, it would be dusk on Ahch-To. Rey made her way to the small rocky outcrop where she had previously landed and touched down gently.</p><p> </p><p>Her fingers trembled as she shut the sublight engines off, making the task annoyingly difficult. She rose from her seat and made her way through the corridor to the boarding ramp, pressing the release to lower it.</p><p> </p><p>A cool spray of salty sea air breezed up the ramp and splayed Rey’s loose dark hair around her shoulders, curling it slightly in the humidity. She paused at the top for a moment, her nerves firing up, making her feel nauseous before she set her jaw in determination. Steeling herself, she strode down the ramp and out of the ship.</p><p> </p><p>She took a moment to look around the island. It was as quiet as ever. Ahch-To was a peaceful place. She understood again why Luke had exiled himself there. It was beautiful, isolated and untouched by modern ways. And the Force? The Force wrapped itself around her more securely here than any other place she’s been to. Her lungs drew in the briny air as she relished in the touch of the Force. It calmed her, easing her mind and slowing her heartbeat. She centered herself in it and felt out for its will.</p><p> </p><p>Rey was rewarded by an overwhelming and crushing wave of the Force, willing her to ascend the island to the Jedi Temple. That was where she would find her answers, she knew with certainty now. Not in the darkness of the Cave of Mirrors. The Force almost seemed pleased when she came to that conclusion and willed her to move forward.</p><p> </p><p>The nerves returned briefly, but Rey pushed the too long sleeves of the black shirt she still wore up her forearms and once more set her jaw fiercely before striding briskly down the ramp. She picked her way through the long, waving sea grass and found her way to the weathered stone steps that wound around the island. For a brief moment, she felt peace once more. It seemed like she was in the middle of a tug of war battle between her nerves and the peace of the Force. But for now at least, the Force was winning and it was granting her a respite from the pain she had been continuously suffering from for the past month.</p><p> </p><p>She passed some tiny domed houses in the foothills of the island and noticed small wind trinkets tinkling in the windows. The sound lilted out and sent pleasant chills down her spine. <em>Might have to knick some of those</em>, she thought idly as she witnessed some Lanai caretakers were bustling around. They spared only cursory glances in her direction before returning to their tasks. Rey was glad that they weren’t shoeing her off of the island after all the damage she had caused previously. She wouldn’t have blamed them if they tried. She hadn’t exactly been a great guest…</p><p> </p><p>Now that she knew where she would find her answers, she allowed herself to think about what they might be. Her questions to Leia had boiled down to two simple questions: where was Ben Solo and why couldn’t she feel him?</p><p> </p><p>She hoped that she would get satisfying answers. But just because the Force was actively guiding her to said answers didn’t guarantee that they would be good ones. Perhaps this was all so she could get closure to move on. Perhaps Leia meant to show Rey that Ben was unable to remain one with the Force and that was why he was absent when she felt for him. Or perhaps he really didn’t want to see her after all. He had spoken with Leia at least once since he died; the old general had confirmed that already. That last one was bourn from the old insecurities that had plagued her since her parents abandoned her fifteen years prior. It perhaps wasn’t the most logical reasoning, but the damage from her abandonment ran deep.</p><p> </p><p>She didn’t know what was worse. Ben being gone for good or Ben not wanting to see her.</p><p> </p><p>Rey quickly walked up the shallow stone steps and wiped the sweat from her brows. Forgetting to take off the black sweater was quickly becoming a mistake. She was starting to feel overheated. Rey could feel sweat collecting and then dripping down the length of her spine. She wiped at her forehead again and trekked upward, unable to allow herself to stop.</p><p>      </p><p>The Force chose that moment to strike her again and she faltered for a moment, trying to understand the prompting. It was compelling her to move faster. Her already elevated heart rate picked up. The nerves were striking hard now.</p><p> </p><p>So first, she lengthened her strides and when that didn’t satiate the pull, she began jogging up the hills and finally, she began sprinting.</p><p> </p><p>Her answer was up there, waiting. She knew it. Rey didn’t know if she felt so driven in her life. The need to reach the temple consumed her. She couldn’t stop. She couldn’t slow down. All she could do was push through the exhaustion and get to her destination as quickly as possible.</p><p> </p><p>Her heart thundered in her chest. The anticipation rushed through her veins. It was agony to not be there yet. She pushed herself even harder, ignoring the depleted muscles that screamed for respite.</p><p> </p><p>Rey raced past the ancient stone structures that steadily grew more and more sparse as she got closer to the summit of the island.</p><p> </p><p>She stopped suddenly, gasping for air once she reached the bottom of the stairway that led to Ahch-To’s Jedi Temple, her body telling her that it could not go on without a brief rest. She grimaced, wanting nothing more than to ignore her body’s demands.</p><p> </p><p>She doubled over for a moment, trying to catch her breath when she noticed movement in her periphery.</p><p> </p><p>Rey squinted up at the still distant temple’s entrance and watched a figure back out of the cave-like opening. She noted curiously that the figure seemed to be alarmed—panicked even. They were too far away for her to see any detail, though she thought that whoever it was, was on the taller side and seemed to be masculine. Through the haze of her exhaustion, she wondered who the person might be. Would he have the answers Leia had promised? It seemed odd that a stranger would know, but the Force worked in strange ways. Rey’s befuddled mind couldn’t recall seeing a ship landed anywhere. Perhaps whoever it was came with visitors from another island. She shrugged, not caring about specifics as long as she got answers.</p><p> </p><p>When her breathing slowed to a somewhat normal rate, she set off to continue to the top. This time, she went at a slower pace until she could continue to recover from the insane dash up the island. Sweat dripped freely down the sides of her face and she ran her fingers through her hair, trying to air it out a bit. <em>No sense in meeting this stranger looking like a haggard, sweaty mess</em>, she thought.</p><p> </p><p>An achingly familiar energy she never thought she would feel again in the Force touched on her and she froze, heart stuttering painfully. It felt so real. So <em>tangible</em>. But it wasn’t possible. That was something Rey didn’t dare hope for. And yet…</p><p> </p><p>Her eyes desperately sought out the mysterious figure in the distance and locked on to him.</p><p> </p><p>She gasped, stunned to the point where she couldn’t move. Her knees weakened and she staggered a bit, eyes widening. Her breath caught in her chest painfully and blood pounded in her ears, washing out the sounds of the birds crying above.</p><p><em>It wasn’t possible</em>, her mind told her. There was no way that it could possibly be true. There was no way. She had gone mad in her grief. She was hallucinating—something was happening to her because there was no way she was actually seeing this.</p><p> </p><p>The Force was pushing on her consciousness, urging her to believe. Her heart swelled inside her chest, ready to burst. Tears sprang to Rey’s eyes, but this time they were not caused by heartache or sadness.</p><p> </p><p>Rey took off running faster than she had ever run before.                                                                                                                                             </p><p>           </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. The Steps</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I feel like a total idiot. I planned to tell everyone about the song that partially inspired me to write chapter two, but I forgot to say anything. For anyone who wants to know, I listened to "The Next Right Thing" from none other than Frozen II to capture how I imagine Rey to feel last chapter.  </p><p>Oh also, you've probably noticed that BB-8 isn't with Rey like he is at the end of TRoS. That's because I forgot that he was with her until I had already written like eight chapters...so we're just gonna pretend that he stayed with Papa Poe.</p><p>Anywho, I had so much fun writing this chapter. I was dying to get through chapters 1-3 so that I could write this. I really hope you all enjoy! </p><p> Next update should be a week or so from today. I am about to start on chapter 11, so we're at least to that point in the story.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>CHAPTER FOUR: The Steps</p><p>Rey leapt up the gray stone steps. She was too stunned to speak—too stunned to even think. Her mouth had already been parched from the race up to the temple grounds but now? Now it had completely dried out as she tried to process what was happening. She pumped her legs harder, toes barely skimming the steps as she leapt up the stairs.</p><p> </p><p>The man in the distance still hadn’t noticed her racing toward him. He was trying to work out his surroundings. He stopped turning around and now stood with his back to her, staring at the ancient gnarled uneti tree that had contained the ancient texts once. His shoulders were hunched forward and his arms were wrapped around his torso in apparent distress.</p><p> </p><p>Rey finally got enough saliva running through her mouth to form words again. She couldn’t believe it. She felt as if she could fly.</p><p> </p><p>“BEN!” she shouted, not wanting to believe that she was seeing Ben Solo standing at the temple’s entrance. Ben Solo who had <em>died</em> on Exegol. Ben Solo, the man she had been grieving over more than she had even grieved her own parents.</p><p> </p><p>Ben Solo whipped around at the sound of his name, a bewildered expression drawn clearly on his pale face. </p><p> </p><p>The full force of seeing him made her feel as though she had been hit by something immobile and heavy. Rey faltered and then stopped dead in her tracks, watching him as her breathing quickened into short, sharp pants. She was in shock, but her heart felt almost whole again. </p><p> </p><p>Ben looked solid. He looked real. Rey’s chest heaved and now the tears that had welled up earlier fell down, unable to stop. He wasn’t a Force Ghost. There was no glowing blue light haloing him. He was real. It was him—in flesh and blood. She could see it. She could almost hear his heartbeat even though he was several meters away. Rey couldn’t stop an ugly sob from escaping her throat. She bit down on her knuckles to muffle the awful sound.</p><p> </p><p>How was he here? Though the Force was steadily testifying to her that what she saw before her was in fact real, she couldn’t believe it. Even in her wildest dreams, she didn’t dare hope to see him like this. And yet, some how he was standing there, his own chest heaving in sync with hers as a testament to the life that flowed through him.</p><p> </p><p>Rey was close enough to see Ben’s eyes bulge in recognition when he saw her and he immediately began his own race down the stone steps. </p><p> </p><p>Her feet began moving again of their own accord and she once more tore up the steps to reach him. Her hands craved to feel Ben’s body beneath them. Her arms ached to wrap him in an embrace that would never end. </p><p> </p><p><em>How is this possible</em>, she questioned herself numbly? Ben was dead. She had seen him die—seen his body fade away to become one with the Force and now? How? How, how, how? Her mind worked in a blur. It wasn’t possible. People don’t come back from the dead, her mind tried to screamed at her. However, even through the impossibility of it all, she couldn’t deny that he was really there. The Force confirmed to her that the man running full speed downhill to meet her really was Ben Solo. And at the moment, that was all that mattered to her. She would worry about the how and the why of it all later. </p><p> </p><p>After what seemed like an eternity, she made it to a long, grassy landing where the stairs leveled out for a few meters and stopped short, breath catching in her throat. Ben Solo waited for her there, his eyes wide in wild surprise and his mouth dropped open in wonder. </p><p> </p><p>Slowly the surprise faded from his face and was replaced by that familiar intense look that always made her feel like she was on fire. Every part of her felt alive—as though she hadn’t truly existed until now.</p><p> </p><p> He hesitantly stepped toward her and was lifting his hand out to her, as if he didn’t believe that she was truly there either. Was she? This had to be a dream. Her heart constricted with something warm and deep and abiding and she felt as if it would burst. She longed for his hands to touch her.</p><p> </p><p>They regarded each other for a moment longer and something stirred deep inside Rey as Ben’s dark eyes took her in intently, as though he was memorizing every part of her.</p><p> </p><p>He looked almost exactly as he had when they last were together on Exegol. There was a half healed wound high on his left cheek and a busted lip. The scar she had given him on Starkiller Base was gone, the hard look in his eyes was replaced with softness that somehow remained intense and instead of the shadowy black clothing he typically wore, he now seemed to have some sort of ancient Jedi robe wrapped around his shoulders. The cool island breeze blew his dark hair back and tousled it, making him look even more attractive if that was possible.</p><p> </p><p>Rey gingerly touched the spot in her mind—feeling a mixture of apprehension and excitement—where they had been bound together through the Force and found that the connection was no longer severed. It was not strong by any means, but something—a slight, tenuous connection, linked them together once more. Rey gasped at the feel of it. It really was him. Her world churned around her.</p><p> </p><p>Ben must have her reaching out and touching their weak bond too. His already wide eyes opened further as though he didn’t believe that they were actually facing each other either until he felt her familiar touch.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey?” Ben called out softly in a question. He sounded so unsure of himself.</p><p> </p><p>But his face expressed disbelieving hope that made her heart clench. Her legs wobbled and finally gave out. The world faded in and out of view and Rey’s knees crashed into the soft, damp ground. Sobs wracked her small frame and she tried to contain herself. But she couldn’t. The agonizing grief—the boundless loneliness she had endured since his death seemed to crash over her and then evaporate all at once. It was too much. Rey covered her face with her hands and let go of everything. Relief that she wouldn’t have to miss him anymore—relief that the pain would finally leave her. Relief that he was there in the flesh... Then there was something deep and heated that filled every part of her chest that she couldn’t name—but she knew that it was because <em>he</em> was there, standing before her. There was unmitigated joy that he was alive. Wonder at feeling complete again. </p><p> </p><p>“Ben…” Rey whispered, his name like a prayer on her lips. She looked down to the grass with a broken sob. She tried to focus on the ground, grasping onto something tangible helped, but not by much. Her mind couldn’t comprehend what was going on. She couldn't stop crying. Again her brain fought against the shock induced haze to wonder how? How was he here?</p><p> </p><p>Ben Solo began purposefully striding forward, closing the distance between them. But as he came closer he slowed. As though hesitant to reach out and fill the scant space remaining between them.</p><p> </p><p>Quietly, oh so quietly, he knelt down before her. She watched the gray robes gather on the grass before her eyes. Warm fingers grasped her chin and ever so gently lifted her head up to meet his apprehensive, tear filled brown eyes. Once he lifted her gaze, she couldn't help soaking in every last detail of his face. The deep amber shade of his irises...the moles that dotted his creamy skin...his strong, prominent nose and sharp jawline. His dark brows were drawn together in an expression of disbelief and concern mingled with fear. </p><p> </p><p>Rey felt at their tenuous connection and was astonished to learn that he was afraid that his sudden reappearance had some how made her angry or sad… Rey’s heart clenched painfully and she willed him to know that wasn’t true. <em>How could he think that now after all we've been through together?</em></p><p> </p><p>The crease in Ben’s brow relaxed as he felt at her emotions. A small, cautious smile graced his face and he pulled her up to stand with him.</p><p> </p><p>Instinctively, Rey knew exactly what she needed to do.</p><p> </p><p>She leapt up, arms extended out to grab him and he caught her easily, spinning her around as they both cried and laughed together. </p><p> </p><p>Rey wrapped her arms around the tops of his shoulders and buried her face in his neck, breathing in his intoxicating scent. His soft hair tickled her cheeks. She couldn’t find the words to describe the way she felt wrapped in his embrace. All she could think was that it felt…right. Like it was <em>exactly </em>where she was meant to be.</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s arms tightened around her. One large hand snaked around her waist and his other tangled in her loose hair. He clung to her as though it was the only thing keeping him tied to reality. She responded with as much fervor, knowing fully that her grip on him was the only thing keeping her tied here too. He held her tightly, slowing their spin and then too soon, set her gently down on the ground. </p><p> </p><p>Their eyes met, hazel and brown and it seemed that everything else faded from existence. It was just them. All Rey could hear was her heart pounding; her blood rushing loudly in her ears. All she could see was Ben, who stared at her with such deep emotion that she thought she would burn away under his gaze. All she could feel was an incredible heat emanating from deep within her chest—its intensity scared and excited her at the same time.</p><p> </p><p>She gulped, wanting to hide herself away inside his embrace forever and was tempted to do just that when she caught sight of Ben’s eyes moving down her face. Her heart leapt when she realized where his thoughts were, what his intention was. Her face heated in anticipation.</p><p> </p><p>Rey held his gaze, waiting for him to take the lead. Her body burned for his touch, as though it knew that was what it needed-what it was missing. She silently begged him to do it.</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s eyes drifted slowly down to her lips again before he met her eyes again and—hesitated? He seemed unsure of what to do. Rey tried to reassure him through her gaze. His eyes held hers fervently, looking back and forth as he searched for an answer. She hoped he found what he was looking for.</p><p> </p><p>The hand that was still threaded through her hair tightened and his fingers grazed her scalp, sending chills down her back. </p><p> </p><p>Rey became aware of her racing heart pounding against their pressed chests. She wondered if he could feel it too. She hoped that he could feel it. She wanted him to know what he did to her.</p><p> </p><p>Ben lowered his head, closing the distance between them. Rey’s breath caught in her throat as his breath heated the air between them. She yearned to feel his warm lips against hers, but she waited, knowing that he needed to do this on his terms. The wait was killing her. Her body craved contact with his—her soul craved it even more. Ben stopped, his lips hovering mere millimeters above hers. She could feel the heat of him caressing her lips, sending thrills down her spine.</p><p> </p><p>Then his lips were on hers, gentle and hesitant at first, as their first kiss had been, but they quickly grew more demanding. Molten heat spread through her body at the blissful contact. Rey sighed against him, feeling as though she was finally made complete. Her split soul mended as they kissed and something ignited within her, making her desperate to touch him more, to feel more of him. </p><p> </p><p>Rey’s pulse stuttered as she felt the electricity pulsing between them. His teeth grazed her full bottom lip and Rey’s knees weakened, enjoying the sensation the kiss. Ben deepened it and she responded in turn by pressing into him, kissing him firmly. More, her body seemed to whisper, more. The molten heat ignited and every part of her melted into him. </p><p> </p><p>His lips were soft and inviting, just as she remembered them and nothing like she expected them to be. Before they shared their first kiss, she spent a lot of unwanted time thinking about his lips. She expected them to be as hard and unforgiving as he was. But they were the opposite, gentle and inviting.</p><p> </p><p>The galaxy could have imploded and reformed around them and she wouldn’t notice. Though their bond was weakened, the emotions that exchanged between them were strong. The bond buzzed with desire and something Rey couldn’t name. It scared her as much as it warmed her.</p><p> </p><p>Eventually, they parted, lips swollen and gasping for air. Ben’s warm, brown eyes crinkled and his lips parted into a shy smile. Rey smiled in return, breathing rapidly and trying to calm her heart. She felt so dizzy and her head spun as she tried to process what had just happened. That electricity still crackled within them both and Rey yearned to kiss him again.</p><p> </p><p>Ben's smile dropped from his face and the expression of disbelief replaced it, dark brows furrowing in bewilderment. Rey had to stop herself from revealing her disappointment, choosing to swallow it instead.</p><p> </p><p>The spell was broken.</p><p> </p><p>He reached out a single hand and caressed her cheek softly. Rey closed her eyes, enjoying the tingling sensations of his warm hand. It was calloused and rough just as a warrior’s hand should be and it cupped her cheek perfectly. Despite herself, she signed in contentment once more. </p><p> </p><p>“How?” he began roughly, the timbre of his deep voice vibrating in her chest. He shut his eyes and tried again, “How is this happening?” He dropped his hand from her face and gestured around, “How am I here?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s eyes blinked open and she looked to the grass swaying nearby trying to puzzle what was happening before her. In the unfettered joy that their unexpected reunion brought, Rey stopped thinking about how Ben Solo was here and alive. Truth be told, she didn’t care how he came back—only that he was back. She let herself wonder again for his sake.</p><p> </p><p>“It shouldn’t be possible,” she started slowly, her voice cracking with emotion, “You were dead. I saw you fade away in that Force forsaken citadel. But you’re here,” tears glistened in her eyes, blurring him out of focus. “You’re here with me. The Force brought you back to me and I will never let you out of my sight again,” she spoke, voice cracking through the tears. “This was the Force’s doing. It must have been. The Force is giving you another chance. I’ve never felt so sure of anything in my life.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben bit his lip, still uncertain. “I don’t know…”</p><p> </p><p>His uncertainty cut her heart. More tears streamed down her face as she shook her head. She was so tired of crying, but it wouldn’t stop. Rey changed the subject. “You have no idea how hard it’s been, Ben,” she whispered. “I felt like I was—“ </p><p> </p><p>Ben cut her off as he closed what little distance there was between them and crushed her into his chest. His strong arms wrapped entirely around her. Rey’s cries wracked her entire body and slowly she noticed that he too, was shaking. They both knelt down and held fast to each other as they sobbed. She couldn’t believe that he was actually here with her. Holding him against her helped ease away the all of the relentless pain she had experienced since his death. It seemed that the longer she held fast to him, the more the pain subsided until it was just a horrible memory. Her hands fanned out over his back and pulled him in closer. Ben squeezed her against his chest in response.</p><p> </p><p>They stayed there for a long time. The binary suns had begun their sunset before either of them moved again. And for the first time in a very long time, Rey felt the soft presence of peace finding its way back into her soul. It felt strange, but familiar and comforting, like a day of sun after months of rain. She knew that the peace was solely due to the man who clung tightly to her. Her eyes closed and she buried her face into his powerful chest.</p><p> </p><p>Rey savored every moment of the embrace, wishing that it would never end. She listened to his heart beating, relishing in its powerful thumping. She wanted to pinch herself. She was dreaming, right? It just wasn’t possible that Ben was here with her now, in the flesh. </p><p> </p><p>Ben’s deep voice rumbled in his chest as he spoke up, breaking the warm silence between them. “Force, I’ve missed you so much, Rey,” he confessed quietly, his voice broke as he said her name. </p><p> </p><p>Rey buried her face in deeper into his chest and held tightly to him once more. Now that he was with her, she didn’t know what to say. How could she express to him how lost she had been in the month since his death? How could she explain that she felt as though she had died too? It felt like a large part of her had been brutally excised from her soul— that her heart had been torn to shreds and she was expected to act like nothing had happened because no one would understand why she felt that way. No one would have been able to help her even if she had said anything. He had been the enemy and even though <em>she</em> knew his heart, it didn’t change the plain and simple fact that to every one else, he was Kylo Ren. The fact that she couldn’t talk to anyone about her loss made her feel so isolated and because of that, the pain ached even worse. The grief was made unbearable.</p><p> </p><p>Could she tell him that she had cried every night since his death until the tears simply stopped coming? That every time she tried to sleep, she was haunted by his eyes and that beautiful smile and then she would dream of what happened over and over again? Or that she felt a dull, constant ache inside that would flare up excruciatingly every time she was reminded of him? That she had to fight every second of every day to halt the heavy grief from carrying her away with it? How could she find the words to explain everything she had felt? The truth was, she didn’t know if she could. Words couldn’t begin to express what she felt in the aftermath of his death. And even if she could express them, did she want to scare him with those feelings?</p><p> </p><p>“Rey?” Ben coaxed softly, stroking her hair as he tried drawing her back to him.</p><p> </p><p>He was here, but it didn’t magically erase the pain of the last few weeks as she originally thought. It had simply been soothed away momentarily. The reemerging pain of his loss surprised her as it crashed down again. Why was she feeling this now? Ben was right next to her. It didn’t make any sense. New, heavy tears ran hotly down her cheeks. </p><p> </p><p>Rey pushed off of his broad chest to look up at his face. His expression grew concerned when he noticed the fresh tears and one of his hands shot up to wipe a track away. Rey closed her eyes at the soothing contact.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve never felt so lost in my life,” she whispered brokenly, unable to speak louder. The words poured out of her mouth unbidden.</p><p> </p><p>“When you died,” she tried to begin again, voice raw with tears, “I lost the only person who ever understood me. And I lost myself in your death… I lost half of my heart—half of my soul…” Rey shook her head as those feelings threatened to overwhelm her, “I didn’t know how I could possibly go on. We hardly knew each other; we were enemies for as long as we knew the other even existed. I should never have felt that way losing an enemy and yet?” Rey raised her eyes to meet his, wide in their earnestness. “I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I hurt all the time. You saved me, but I felt like I was slowly dying anyway. I wanted to be dead,” she admitted, ashamed that Ben gave his life for her and she had wished that she had stayed dead rather than live through the aftermath. Rey lowered her gaze. She had no desire to see his reaction to her shameful confession.</p><p> </p><p>Ben was quiet for a moment. Rey squeezed her eyes shut. She knew it. He was upset. But instead of withdrawing as she anticipated, he leaned forward and kissed her gently. Heat blossomed inside once more. Too soon, he pulled away and cupped both of his hands around her face. Rey leaned in, savoring the warmth of his rough palms. When she finally opened her eyes, she saw Ben staring at her with heartbreak painted as plainly as the sky was blue.</p><p> </p><p>“I am <em>so</em> sorry, Rey,” Ben choked as he dropped his hands from her cheeks and grasped her hands tightly, kneading them in his large palms. “I’m so sorry that you had to endure that. I wish I could have suffered it <em>all</em> in your stead. I wish that your life could have gone back to normal after everything that happened. That you could have moved on and forgotten all about me.” He bit down, clenching his jaw and he shook his head vigorously. His eyes were full of fire and his mouth was set in grim determination, “But I am <em>not</em> sorry that I died for you.” His eyes shown with heated passion and then a strange, soft expression relaxed his hardened features. “I will never be sorry for giving my life to you. I would do it again. Gladly.”</p><p> </p><p>Of all emotions, Rey did not expect to feel anger, but she could feel it bubbling up and heating her veins. How could he say that? Didn’t he just listen to what she said? Did he not care how much his death had impacted her? But in wake of the tender emotion now splayed across his face, the feeling was tempered and she tried to focus on his expressive eyes instead. They bled every emotion so easily. Instead of saying something inflammatory, she settled on something decidedly more hopeful.</p><p> </p><p>“Then I hope that it never comes to that again.” She looked down shyly as she worked up the courage to let him know how she felt. “I don’t want to lose you again, Ben Solo. Not when I’ve just found you.” Rey’s cheeks felt heated at her daring admission and she stole a glance up at him through her lashes. </p><p> </p><p>Ben’s eyes went bright in wonder but he nodded softly. “I promise I will never leave you again for as long as I live,” he pledged fervently. </p><p> </p><p>Her stomach fluttered and that peace she felt earlier returned. Rey squeezed his hands as she gazed up at him and smiled, earning a small, crooked smile from him in return. That fluttering grew and quickened her heart rate. “Ben, I—"</p><p> </p><p>Squalling little Lanai caretakers crested the hill and started yelling at Ben and Rey to move out of their way. They were clearly heading up to complete their ritualistic cleaning of the temple and didn’t seem bothered by the fact that they were unexpected guests—just that said guests were in the middle of the path, preventing their progress up the stairs.</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt her face grow scarlet and the words she wanted to confess dried up immediately. She couldn’t believe that she was actually going to go there <em>now</em> of all times. Was she even certain that she felt that way? She took the distraction afforded by the avian beings and jumped up, wanting to keep him unaware of her near confession. She faced toward the cliffs for a moment and let her face cool in the breeze before turning back to face.</p><p> </p><p>Ben was watching the Lanai curiously when his brows rose in recognition.</p><p> </p><p>“I know this place,” he realized, staring around the island in surprise as Rey pulled him up and they moved to the side. One of the Lanai tutted at them as she walked by with her cart, tittering away with the other three caretakers accompanying her.  </p><p> </p><p>“This is where you were when the Force connected us, isn’t it?” he asked her as they walked together toward one of the cliffs that overlooked the endless ocean. Rey nodded silently and sat down, letting her feet dangle over the side. She watched the waves crashing against the lower cliffs. Ben still stood, now surveying the island with renewed curiosity. She noticed offhandedly that he didn’t have any shoes on. It was odd seeing his feet...</p><p> </p><p>“Where are we?” He finally asked as he sat down next to her. His hip pressed close against Rey’s and made it difficult for her to concentrate. Ben proceeded to lean his arm into her shoulder, completely oblivious to the effect he was having on her and Rey had to fight a shiver. How could such and innocent and casual move make her feel like this? She had been touched countless times by others—close confinement on small ships made that a fact of life. She couldn’t even count the number of times where she had been squashed between Finn and Poe, Rose, Kaydel Connix—countless others—and not once did she feel the buzzing, heated intensity that she felt whenever she touched Ben. She noticed it that fateful night in the hut not far from where they sat and wondered if it would always be this way. As distracting as it was, she hoped it would always feel like this.</p><p> </p><p>Rey stole a glance at Ben, taking in his relaxed posture and hardly believing what she was seeing. He was staring out at the ocean, clearly analyzing the environment and trying to piece together some puzzle but the tense set of his shoulders--the way he seemed like he was always on the verge of snapping was gone. She couldn’t believe how different Ben Solo was from Kylo Ren. From his mannerisms to the way he had spoken to her, he seemed like an entirely different person from the man who had once been her enemy. She had a hard time imagining Kylo Ren doing any of the things that Ben had done since they had run into each other’s arms. Where Kylo was angry and full of conflict, Ben seemed to emit a calm, certain energy. But they shared many similarities. Ben still had Kylo’s intensity, though it was directed in a different way and he still looked at her the way Kylo had. It made her shiver with pleasure.<br/> </p><p>“Rey?” Ben asked again and nudged her shoulder, snapping Rey out of her thoughts once again.</p><p> </p><p>“What? Oh,” she answered apologetically, “This is Ahch-To. It’s a planet in the Unknown Regions that also happens to be the location of the first Jedi Temple.” She pointed to where the Lanai now milled about, taking care of the lawn. “Do you see that old tree up there?” </p><p> </p><p>Ben followed her finger and his gaze landed on the burnt husk of a tree and nodded. </p><p> </p><p>“It is an old uneti tree. The ancient Jedi Texts used to be in there,” Rey told him. “The cave behind is the Temple proper. This is where I found Luke…where he trained me for a time…or I guess more like a few days.” she lilted lightly him.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s where I woke up,” Ben murmured quietly, ignoring the bit about Luke. “In the center of the room...on a mirrored mosaic.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey looked at Ben. His expression was unreadable as he surveyed the Jedi temple grounds. She thought that maybe he would say more, but he remained silent. He simply watched the Lanai moving about doing their work. She began to wonder yet again, the same things she was sure he was thinking about. How did he come back from the dead? The only fathomable reason was that the Force some how restored him to life. Why did it bring him back? Rey had no answer for that, but she was glad that it did.</p><p> </p><p>Ever since she saw Ben Solo standing at the top of the mountain, she felt like she could breathe again. Her soul felt blissfully whole. She breathed in deeply, savoring the way the air filled her chest and enjoyed Ben’s warmth as she leaned into him further. </p><p> </p><p>Ben glanced back down at her with an oddly tender expression, as though he didn’t believe that she was willingly touching him and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. The simple gesture sent shockwaves through her nerves and she had to fight a smile from quirking her lips up. </p><p> </p><p>His fingers felt at the arms of the shirt she was wearing and then he pulled at it, observing it more closely.</p><p> </p><p>“Is that my undershirt?” he asked her in amusement, eyes sparkling.</p><p> </p><p>Rey jumped. She had completely forgotten that she hadn’t taken off Ben’s shirt before she raced off of the <em>Falcon</em>. She was absolutely mortified and it was apparently written clearly on her face because Ben started laughing. His laugh was deep and infectious. She was more embarrassed than she had been in a very long time but she couldn’t help but giggle a little back, if only because she enjoyed hearing him laugh so much. It was the first time she heard it and if she could hear it only once, she was glad to hear it now and to be the cause of it.</p><p> </p><p>The happiness his laugh brought her still didn't stop her embarrassment. She covered her face with her hair and bent over, hiding the scarlet blooming across her cheeks. Ben stopped laughing and touched her shoulder, properly mollified.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey,” he began apologetically, “I’m sorry I laughed. It was rude of me. Your reaction was just so priceless.” He nudged her but she ignored his prodding. “I’m sorry,” he said again. “Can you look at me, please?”</p><p> </p><p><em>Please.</em> She remembered the last time he used that word on her. How could she resist this time? Rey bit her lip and held for a moment before lifting her head up and took a deep breath before facing him. Ben’s eyes twinkled and his smile grew wider when their eyes met. Rey could feel her face grow warm again. </p><p> </p><p>“Why did you keep it?” he asked softly. His eyes lost their amused twinkle and were now alight with something that set her blood aflame. </p><p> </p><p>Rey hesitated. She was embarrassed to share the reason why she kept her dead enemy turned brief flame’s shirt after he died and faded away, leaving empty clothes. In fact, she would even go so far as to call it creepy. He would definitely think that she was <em>creepy</em> if she told him. But he would know the reason anyway due to their dyad connection, so she determined to tell him the truth while they were on the subject.</p><p> </p><p>It still didn’t make it easy to admit. It would undoubtedly make him uncomfortable.</p><p> </p><p>She cleared her throat awkwardly and fidgeted a bit before starting. “Because,” she paused, looking away from Ben and focusing her sights on the sea before them. “I wanted something to remember you by,” she confessed and decided to admit the full truth to him. “I didn’t get to say goodbye…”</p><p> </p><p>Rey leaned forward again and wrapped her arms around herself, feeling the pain of losing him all over again. “You left so suddenly—in my arms—and…I guess I just thought that if I couldn’t be with you, at least I could have a part of you with me. So I took your clothes and hid them away on the old X-wing I had flown to Exegol. It’s really weird, I know. I just needed something of yours to keep.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben was silent in response. Rey grimaced and turned her head further away so that she wouldn’t have to face him. She knew that he would be disturbed by her confession. She silently cursed herself for feeling compelled to tell him the truth.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry,” she groaned into her shoulder, her hair shielding her face from him. “You can have them back. Please, just forget that I kept them like a crazy stalker. In fact, forget that I said anything.”</p><p> </p><p>Still nothing. She got a grip on her embarrassment and peeked at him shyly through the curtain of her chestnut hair. Her breath hitched in her chest when she saw his face. </p><p> </p><p>Rather than Ben looking disturbed and uncomfortable as she anticipated, Rey witnessed a myriad of warm emotions flooding across his face instead. His deep eyes were misted. Ben’s large hand reached up and brushed her hair away. His eyes connected with hers and watched her with awe. Rey’s heart picked up its pace as she watched him silently grapple with his emotions.</p><p> </p><p>Without warning, Ben grabbed her face and their lips crashed together once more. He conveyed every emotion he was feeling in that kiss. He didn’t need to say anything. Rey could feel the gratitude mixed with deeper emotions through the contact. She responded in turn by deepening their kiss. They parted for a moment and then Rey kissed him once more. She felt her nerves sing as their lips collided. Eventually, Ben’s kisses grew softer and softer and for that, Rey was grateful. Had they gone on much longer, something might have happened in front of the Lanai. </p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t think anyone would ever care about me enough to horde my clothing when I died,” Ben confessed with a small chortle, still overcome with emotion. Though he said it in jest, Rey knew that he truly meant it. “Thank you,” he added sincerely.</p><p> </p><p>Rey leaned back into him and he wrapped his arms around her. “I care very much,” she whispered, feeling a sense of release to finally say it out loud. </p><p> </p><p>Ben's eyes widened and he pressed a kiss into her hair, hugging her tightly in response.  </p><p> </p><p>They watched the binary sunset just like that. It was quiet and peaceful. The breeze chilled as the light died and Rey shivered despite wearing the thick shirt overtop of her clothing. </p><p> </p><p>Ben’s hand moved from her shoulder and he touched her back in silent communication, then helped her stand up. “Where will we stay tonight?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey nearly choked. “We?” she asked him sputtering. She had been so wrapped up in the moment that she hadn't given any thought to what would happen next.</p><p> </p><p>Ben blushed in the dim light of the dusk and stepped away. “I-uh—that is to say, I thought we—that we might sleep…together?” he trailed off awkwardly and then his dark eyes widened in further embarrassment. “Not like that!” he interjected when Rey’s eyes bugged and she opened her mouth to respond. “I just meant…I was hoping that you and I could sleep together. In the same room. Separately of course, but I just want to be close to you…” he trailed off. He was clearly regretting what he said, interpreting Rey’s expression as horrified rejection.</p><p> </p><p>Rey grabbed Ben’s hands and smiled sincerely. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.” The tall man’s shoulders sagged in relief and he returned her smile completely. It made her heart stop, seeing how sweet and gentle his smile was. She hoped to see it every day from now on.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh?” he asked, his voice breaking in relief. “Okay, good. So where will we be staying?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey gestured down the stone path they were walking on and spoke up, still relishing in the knowledge that Ben wanted to stay in the same room as her. She was feeling particularly giddy over how cute he was when he got flustered. She also wanted to see that every day from now on. “I landed the <em>Millennium Falcon</em> near the bottom of the mountain. It’s going to be quite a walk,” she added.</p><p> </p><p>Ben stopped short and his breathing sped up. Rey looked back at him and noticed even in the dim light that he looked paler than normal. Rey realized with a shock that he was not comfortable staying aboard his deceased father’s ship. She felt shamed to have been so insensitive. </p><p> </p><p>“Ben…” she began apologetically, “I’m sorry, I should have realized that you wouldn’t want to stay there.” She tried to locate the Lanai village she stayed at with Luke in the dimming light. “We don’t have to stay there—look, there’s this village I stayed at while I was Luke’s apprentice. We can go there instead. It’s closer.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben shook his head vehemently. “No.” he insisted, “I’d like to stay on my father’s ship,” he spoke with a quiet assurance. “I…spoke with him after our last fight. The one where we felt my mother…” he trailed off, unable to finish that sentence. “Anyway,” he continued, “I think all is forgiven. And I’d like to feel close to my father again. Even if it’s just through being on his ship.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey nodded, her heart feeling heavy at the mention of Leia and Han but taking great joy in hearing about what Ben had to say of his father. She would have to ask him more about it at an appropriate time. “Okay,” she answered simply and reached for his hand. </p><p> </p><p>He looked down at her small hand with a wondrous smile and took it, his fingers entwining with hers. </p><p> </p><p>They walked in comfortable silence down to the <em>Falcon.</em></p><p> </p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Hazel Eyes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Hey all! Here is chapter five! I've been really excited about this one because it is the first POV change of the story. It was really fun getting into the head of a different character for once.</p><p>This chapter might be a little triggering, so I thought I would warn. There is a character who's past and past traumas start catching up. And a brief moment of suicidal ideation. So just letting you know. </p><p>As for the overall story, I breezed through chapter 12 and am well on my way through writing chapter 13. Exciting things in store! I'm thinking this story will be a little more than 20 chapters and I am planning on a sequel. The sequel's outline was written at the same time as this one, so I think it was always in the cards.</p><p>Thank you for reading!</p>
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    <p>CHAPTER FIVE: Hazel Eyes</p><p> </p><p>Ben was holding Rey’s hand. He was holding Rey’s hand. His already whirring mind tried to process that piece of information. He couldn’t believe it. The woman whom he had loved from afar—who had been his enemy despite the feelings he had for her—was here holding his hand willingly as they walked past ancient Jedi huts on an island that held the first Jedi temple to his father’s ship at the base of said island’s mountains. This place also happened to be the place where his uncle had fled to after the destruction of his Jedi temple, the night that he's tried to murder Ben... It was where Rey found Luke and somehow convinced him to train her, albeit briefly. And this was the place where Ben and Rey had begun to physically connect through the Force. And of course, it was where he, Ben Solo, had somehow mysteriously come back to life after he had died on Exegol after he had given his life force to bring Rey back to him. He fought against the icy shudder that threatened to run through him as he remembered glassy eyes staring sightlessly into the stars.</p><p> </p><p>His mind went back to the dizzyingly impossible fact that he was somehow alive.</p><p> </p><p>He was still in shock about it if he was being completely honest. He had made peace with his death and had become one with the Force. He knew would happen if he brought Rey back. He would have chosen that every time if it meant that she would live again. Giving his life for hers was the easiest, most sure decision he had ever made in his life. So when he felt his body finally give out, he accepted it, grateful for the short moment with Rey he'd been gifted. But then…</p><p> </p><p>Ben recalled the events of today, trying to process the bizarre happenings. His stomach twisted in unease.</p><p> </p><p>Somehow he had woken up naked on a mirror-like, cold stone mural with what looked like ancient writing on it. And it happened to be inside of a damp cave, he recalled with a shiver. That was when he freaked out. He remembered hyperventilating while pacing around said cave. He had been trying to figure out where he was and why he was there. His mind was so sluggish. It felt like it was trying to work through gelatinous bacta. He couldn’t think properly, couldn't piece anything together. Any train of thought he managed to grasp slipped away too quickly. His head hurt fiercely.</p><p> </p><p>And then he had found an opening that overlooked a vast ocean with no other landforms in sight. It was there where he caught sight of sun faded Jedi robes. In the haze of his mind, he grabbed them and put them on. They were crusted with salt from the sea air and were definitely too small, but he needed something to wear. The robes were extremely uncomfortable, but it was far better from being naked and afraid in an unknown place. At least he was clothed and afraid. He almost scoffed at the thought. Kylo Ren? Afraid? That would never happen. Kylo Ren had mastered fear. But he wasn't Kylo Ren anymore, was he? He'd cast off that persona and had reassumed his true identity. And Ben Solo could definitely be afraid. </p><p> </p><p>His head pounded and he felt so weak. Why was he here? How was he here? What was going on? He whirled around the room, trying to get sense of where he was once more. He willed his mind to work—willed the Force to guide him. His grasp on the Force was weak and tenuous and that worried him greatly. He tried to think positively though—something that had never come naturally to him. At least he still had a connection to the Force. And... he was alive. Two things going for him. He wouldn't begin to list all the things against him at the moment. That would certainly overwhelm him to the point of being useless.</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, Ben felt his connection to the Force strengthen. Good, he thought. He felt the pull of the Force more strongly than he had in a very long time. It seemed to be guiding him out of the cave and as he followed its urging, led him out onto a small grassy flat where craggy stone steps descended down to a large, gnarled tree and beyond. He turned to face the cave’s entrance and search for clues that would tell him where he was. He was disappointed to find it nondescript with nothing written anywhere. His chest heaved in frustration and he had to lock his legs to keep from lashing out. There was nothing there to identify where he was.</p><p> </p><p>Ben tried catching his breath to calm himself. The Force’s pull seemed to have relented and he understood that to mean that he was where he was meant to be for the moment. He remembered feeling very scared at that point. More scared than he'd been in over seven years. Those feelings of fear made him wish that Rey were here with him. Rey always had a calming effect on him, despite their antagonistic relationship. He felt that he could breathe easier whenever she was near. Ben’s heart ached. He missed her more than he had ever missed anyone. Bright, long lashed eyes flashed before him and his stomach fluttered at the memory. He wondered where she was right now. If she was doing alright. If she thought about him ever...</p><p> </p><p>He reflected on their brief but wonderful kiss. The kiss had made him feel like nothing he had ever felt before. He felt like he had finally found home. </p><p> </p><p>Though he was dying, he felt so alive and was convinced for just a brief moment that they would walk out of that Sith citadel together and fly off into the sunset. A fool's hope.</p><p> </p><p>He recalled the images that flashed before his eyes during that kiss. Glimpses of he and Rey silhouetted by a rosy sunset, them standing together in the green shade of a familiar lake house. A kiss that was backlit by bright lights and flashing colors in the distance. Her hand pushing the Falcon into hyperdrive in unison with his.</p><p> </p><p>That kiss was perfect. Their lips had molded perfectly together. Every part of them that touched did. He knew it. He knew that she would fit into him perfectly.</p><p> </p><p>And she had been the one to kiss him. Part of him still couldn’t believe that it happened. It was foolish for him to even think about the possibility that Rey might ever feel the same way that he felt for her. The logical part of his mind insisted that she had done it in thanks. Regardless, she still kissed him. And regardless of the reason, he got to taste her lips against his—something he craved longer than he cared to admit. He felt warm inside thinking about it, cursing the fact that he had died seconds after he shared a kiss with the only woman he'd ever loved.</p><p> </p><p>It was the way of his life though, he thought dejectedly. Almost, not quite, just a little too late. He almost defeated the darkness when he was young, but he failed. According to Snoke, he was inferior to Vader—not quite as powerful, not quite dark enough. And when he finally listened to the part of himself that he thought he killed, he was too late. He had been blasted off into a cavernous pit when he should have been protecting Rey. When he managed to climb out, almost dead but not quite, he saw that he was just a little too late. He remembered the crushing despair that threatened to overwhelm him as he approached her limp form. The empty look in her eyes would haunt him forever.</p><p> </p><p>Ben was jolted out of his memories of the fierce Jedi warrior when he heard a voice that sounded terribly similar to hers shout his name. Impossible. Then he somehow felt Rey’s presence through their very weak bond. It surprised him that it was still there. But that wasn’t important at the moment. That could be investigated at a later time.</p><p> </p><p>Now though? He whipped around and saw something that he never expected to see again. Ben felt his breath steal from his chest. His heart picked up its pace dramatically, the intensity of it pounding headily against his ribcage.</p><p> </p><p>Rey, the resourceful scavenger from Jakku, the incredible Jedi warrior, the most beautiful creature he'd ever seen, was tearing up the stone steps that led to where he stood. Her chestnut hair was loose, flying around her shoulders with every stride and her eyes were bright and sparkling with tears. She is absolutely gorgeous, he thought through the shock of seeing her here.</p><p> </p><p>But then the logical part of his brain kicked in. Rey? It was impossible. Rey couldn’t be here. Why would she be here? His muddled mind was at odds with what he was seeing before him but it was undeniable. Rey was here!</p><p> </p><p>And then Ben Solo, sophisticated senator’s son and former Supreme Leader of the First Order, unceremoniously began sprinting down to meet her.</p><p> </p><p>Never in his wildest dreams did he think that he would ever see Rey again.</p><p> </p><p>He felt complete when she jumped into his arms, as though something vital to his being had been missing until that point. The look in her eyes as she took him in elicited a strange feeling within his chest. It scared and warmed him at the same time. Her eyes were bright with an emotion he didn’t dare name for fear that he was mistaken.</p><p> </p><p>But it was that look that made Ben want to kiss her more than he wanted anything in the galaxy. It scared him more than anything, but he fought through the fear of rejection and kissed her. Never in his life had he felt as whole as he did in that moment on the cool grass of the mystery planet he later learned was Ahch-To. Every part of his body testified to the rightness of being with her. Ben never wanted to let her go. But the weakness of flesh forced them to break apart.</p><p> </p><p>His heart broke when Rey relayed how difficult it had been for her in the aftermath of his death. But he wouldn’t allow himself to feel any remorse for giving his life for her. If he had to choose between her life and his, he knew without a shadow of a doubt that he would always choose her.</p><p> </p><p>Ben couldn’t believe that his death had impacted Rey so deeply. It was impossible, he kept reminding himself. Just in general, he was having trouble comprehending that Rey felt anything for him. Rey had missed him—she had mourned for him. She actually cared for him. Yet despite those revelations, he couldn’t still allow himself to believe it. It just wasn’t possible. She couldn’t love him. No one had before, why would she be any different?</p><p> </p><p>But his traitorous heart sang at her words.</p><p> </p><p>After what had happened between the two of them since their temporary alliance on the Supremacy, Ben believed that any chance for the two of them was dead. She had rejected him, after all. It still stung bitterly to remember her refusal. But then she had kissed him. Ben honestly thought that she kissed him out of gratitude more than out of love. That was what logic told him, at least. </p><p> </p><p>With their awful history, how could he think differently than that? His heart refused what logic came up with. It insisted that the beautiful woman before him actually did care—that she felt the same way he felt for her. He shoved the hopeful opinions of his heart down and allowed cool, clean logic to take its place. He had trained all emotional thinking out of his brain ages ago and thanks to that, Ben was nothing if not logical, though irrational at times.</p><p> </p><p>Now they were walking together back to the Millennium Falcon. A fact that made Ben uneasy seeing as it was his father’s ship. The father he'd murdered in cold blood just over a year ago...</p><p> </p><p>But then he remembered the apparition of his father on the wreckage of the second Death Star and he knew that his father had at least forgiven him. His heart panged with guilt. He had not yet forgiven himself for killing Han Solo. He didn’t know if he ever could. He didn't know if he wanted to forgive himself anyway.</p><p> </p><p>Ben peered at down at his companion without turning his head too much. He didn’t want Rey to catch him staring at her like a maniac.</p><p> </p><p>She was absolutely breathtaking. In the darkness, her eyes sparkled and the moonlight caught on her white teeth every time she looked up at him and smiled. Every time he caught that smile, his heart beat a little faster. He looked down at her full pink lips, wanting to stop and kiss them until she was breathless again. His gaze fell down to her lithe legs that guided her smoothly down the jagged stone steps. Her hips swayed in an understated way with each step that was driving him wild. Rey’s hair was loose and fell just past her shoulders, making her look angelic. He'd never seen her with her hair down before and now that he had witnessed it, he hoped that she would leave her hair like that forever. It was stunning, the way the brunette strands curled slightly in the humid air and how it fluttered softly in the ocean’s breeze. She was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen.</p><p> </p><p>After a very long walk that left Ben feeling more exhausted than he wanted to admit, the Millennium Falcon came into view. The old freighter looked exactly as he remembered it, a piece of junk. The blue accent paint was faded and chipped. There were blaster marks and carbon scoring pocking the ships exterior and there were a number of parts that looked like they shouldn’t be working but somehow were.</p><p> </p><p>Without realizing it, he stopped and stared at his father’s old ship. A pang resonated through his chest. The flash of grief almost stole his breath away. He missed him so much.</p><p> </p><p>Rey paused and looked back at him curiously when his hand pulled out of hers. Her expression softened when she noticed the look of sadness on Ben’s face.</p><p> </p><p>“Your father would want you to be here,” she reassured him as if she knew where his thoughts were and then grabbed his hand. Ben felt a jolt in his gut when their hands connected and he tore his eyes away to marvel at them. Her small hands radiated heat into his. Rey didn’t seem to notice him staring. “</p><p> </p><p>Come on,” she insisted and pulled him after her up toward the boarding ramp.</p><p> </p><p>They stopped at the foot of the ramp momentarily as Ben readied himself to enter Han Solo’s ship. The waves crashed against the stones nearby and he felt the spray of cold salt water against his feet, momentarily distracting him from the apprehension now consuming him. It’s cooler down here than it was up there, he thought distractedly as he hesitated taking another step.</p><p> </p><p>After taking in a deep breath, he strode up the ramp with Rey trailing behind. The lights flickered on as Ben crossed the threshold and he stopped short. The Falcon looked very different from what he remembered. The white walls were still yellowed with age, but the black scuff marks were gone as were the gaping holes that exposed bunched of wiring. He looked down and the floors, though well worn, no longer looked totally covered in dirt and grease. He could almost see his reflection in them. If he squinted real hard, that is.</p><p> </p><p>“It looks much cleaner in here than I can ever remember it being under my father’s command,” he complimented her as he realized what must have happened, “Is this your doing?”</p><p> </p><p>He was rewarded with a soft blush from Rey and she ducked her head in embarrassment. Ben fought a smile. He could get used to that adorable reaction. Rather than answer him, she pressed a button and the ramp ascended and hissed shut. “I was a bit nervous coming here and it was a rather long flight…” she explained evasively.</p><p> </p><p>“So you cleaned the entire ship?” Ben questioned her with amusement and no small amount of awe. “Wait,” he said, realizing what she said, “Why were you nervous coming here? You had no idea that I would be here. Right?”</p><p> </p><p>His mind started turning rusty wheels. Had she known that he would be here?</p><p> </p><p>Rey avoided making eye contact with him and instead continued walking toward the main hold. She stopped suddenly and Ben almost walked straight into her. His hands shot hold to steady himself on her shoulders, but he stopped himself, unsure of how she would take the unexpected contact.</p><p> </p><p>She inhaled deeply and bit her lip, still nervous for some reason. Those nerves transferred to him, making his jaw tense and his chest feel tight.</p><p> </p><p>“I tried summoning your force ghost a few days ago,” she admitted quietly, still not facing him. Her voice was solemn in memory of it. “I tried for what seemed like hours. But no matter how hard I concentrated, no matter how badly I wanted it, I couldn’t feel you. I could feel Luke and your mother. They’re always vaguely there…I can feel them in the Force even now…” she trailed off and turned to look at Ben, pain laced through the greens and browns of her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>He felt his jaw go slack as he listened to her confession. She had called for him? Why?</p><p> </p><p>“I couldn’t feel you. And it—broke me,” She forced out through the pain of remembrance and Ben watched her eyes flutter as though to fight tears from collecting. The agony she was reliving felt palpable. No, it was palpable. He could feel her shattering through their bond. It was growing stronger again. He felt his heart break for her all over again as he experienced the agony she went through when she couldn’t find him in the Force. The pain battered him ceaselessly. Understanding what Rey went through made Ben wish desperately that he could have taken it all away from her. He wished that he could have made her forget him as he faded away. She wouldn’t have suffered that way.</p><p> </p><p>Then she reached out and touched his hand, “I know why now,” she smiled as if the heartbreak they just shared together was nothing, “But it terrified me at the time. So your mother came to me.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben started. His mother came to see Rey? It shouldn’t have surprised him seeing that she had been Rey’s master, but it was still odd to hear that his mother had manifested for someone else. It also made him feel the slightest bit jealous. He had not seen his mother in so long and he wished badly that he could have seen her one last time. Ben gave a short nod, fighting his own grief and encouraged Rey to continue.</p><p> </p><p>“I told her that you weren’t there. That even though I saw you become one with the Force, I couldn’t feel your presence no matter how hard I searched for it. So she guided me and helped me see that I needed to go to Ahch-To. She said that I would find my answers here.”</p><p> </p><p>She shrugged and Ben watched her closely, reflecting on the loneliness she especially must have felt in the past weeks. Rey tried to put on a strong front while she spoke to him, but he could feel the aching in her heart as much as he felt it in his own. He wished desperately that he could have answered her calls to him. But the truth was, after he died and became one with the Force, he couldn't remember anything. Everything was blank.</p><p> </p><p>“And so you came here,” Ben finished sensing where she would go with her story, “You flew for days and while you flew, you tried to keep your mind off of what you might find.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey met his eyes and nodded. She continued, “It was driving me mad. I didn’t know what I was coming to. Would I make a connection to you somehow? Or would I find confirmation of what I feared most? That you were gone and unreachable.” She paused once more as though to collect herself. After a moment, she drew in a deep breath and tried to smile, “So I cleaned. And I repaired as many of the Falcon’s malfunctions and problems as I had supplies for. Chewie was going to do it himself when I returned. He’ll probably be cross with me for leaving him so little to work on. But I needed something to keep me occupied while I made the trek.”</p><p> </p><p>“So this garbage can isn’t going to combust on us anytime soon?” Ben asked her, trying to get a smile from her. He wanted to move away from discovering the suffering she endured because of him. He hated the fact that he caused her so much suffering. And here he was, still causing her suffering.</p><p> </p><p>Rey chuckled slightly, “No. I think I actually permanently fixed a lot of the issues. The Millennium Falcon will fly for a long time yet.”</p><p> </p><p>Hearing Rey say that comforted Ben.</p><p> </p><p>“Good,” was all he could manage as a response. Of all of the mistakes Ben had made over the last seven years, killing his father in cold blood was the one that weighed more heavily on him than the rest combined. And his other sins now weighed on him so heavily that he could barely breathe. The only thing that made his patricidal act somewhat bearable was the conversation he held with the apparition of Han Solo on Kef Bir. He had his father’s forgiveness though he most certainly had not earned it. Still, it didn’t really do much to ease the remorse and guilt he felt. But, he thought bitterly, at least his father’s most prized possession would still make its rounds through the galaxy for years to come…</p><p> </p><p>Out of habit, Ben tried to mask the roiling emotions churning inside but he knew that Rey was already aware of how he was feeling. Her wide eyes watched him with concern as she noticed his energy through their bond. As if his body knew that it must break the tension, his stomach decided to let out a mighty growl and Ben’s mouth fell open in surprise, feelings momentarily forgotten as embarrassment settled over him instead.</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s eyes widened at the monstrous sound emitting from Ben and a small giggle escaped before she clapped a hand over her mouth to stifle it. Ben almost forgot his embarrassment and smiled, longing to hear her laugh some more.</p><p> </p><p>His lovely companion recovered quickly and sympathy bloomed over her face. “Oh! I’m so sorry, I should have thought of it sooner. You haven’t eaten in weeks, technically!” She grabbed his hand and pulled him into the main hold, guiding him toward the old broken down galley where he remembered several broken food mechanisms sat. “Here, let me hydrate something for you. You must be starving.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey set to searching the stores for packs of dehydrated food and just as Ben was opening his mouth to protest and tell her the rehydrator was broken, she pressed a button and the old machine started whirring softly.</p><p> </p><p>Oh. Well, he thought in surprised pride as he watched Rey dive down for another pack, she did say that she repaired a lot of things while she was traveling here.</p><p> </p><p>After a few moments, the rehydrator dinged softly and its hatch opened up, revealing fern potatoes and some sort of meat patty covered in reconstituted gravy. Normally a dish like that would have repulsed Ben, but he was more famished than he remembered ever being and he gratefully accepted the tray when Rey offered it to him.</p><p> </p><p>Being a cured and rehydrated food, it was very salty, but to Ben it was one of the most delicious things he had ever tasted. In minutes he cleared his tray and just as he was getting up to find another pack to rehydrate, the rehydrator dinged again. Rey moved over to it, pulled out another meal and handed it to him with bright eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey, I can make my own. Please, I doubt you’ve eaten all day. You should have this one,” Ben protested but Rey resisted and pushed the tray firmly into his hands.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve eaten more than you have in the last several weeks. I can wait a few more minutes for another tray.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben looked at Rey skeptically. It actually looked like she hadn’t eaten much over those weeks to him. He felt stupid for not noticing it before. Rey had always been lean, but now there was sharpness cast to the angles of her limbs and her face. Rey hadn’t been eating, he realized. Guilt ate at him as he watched her. It was his fault he thought as he lost his appetite.</p><p> </p><p>He set to push the food back at her but paused when she crossed her arms and raised a brow stubbornly. Was she really going to refuse? Ben had half a mind to comment about how she looked like she hadn’t been eating, but he understood at the last moment that it wouldn’t be a wise thing to do. He tried to refrain from rolling his eyes and attempted to swallow the guilt churning his stomach then dutifully began eating the tray of food she had forced on him.</p><p> </p><p>He ate more slowly this time, trying to savor the flavors of the food. The rehydrator dinged again and this time, Rey sat down next to him and began eating.</p><p> </p><p>When they had their fill, exhaustion set in but neither of them wanted to sleep yet. They sat in silence for a time.</p><p> </p><p>Ben still couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that he was sitting with Rey. They were together on the Falcon of all ships, they weren't fighting and the atmosphere surrounding them was…peaceful. Happy, even. The last time they had come anywhere near those feelings was on a dark, stormy night over a year ago. He remembered the warm flicker of a phantom fire in his room that was in reality, lightyears away from him. He could see the firelight flickering, reflected in warm eyes as clearly as if it were happening now. He recalled the trepidation and exhilaration that coursed through him when Rey extended her hand out to him and he, half disbelieving that someone so pure and good would want anything to do with him, removed his glove and reached out to touch her. He had longed to feel the softness of her hand against his own for longer than he cared to admit.</p><p> </p><p>Even now he still didn’t understand what made her do it. He didn’t know why she called for him that night.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe it was because he was exhausted and his inhibitions were lowered or maybe he didn't want to give up on the tiny hope that persisted within him, but he was asking her before he could stop himself.</p><p> </p><p>“Why did you do it?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey started out of whatever was occupying her mind and met his eyes in confusion.</p><p> </p><p>“Why did I do what?” she murmured back questioningly with half lidded eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Ben gulped, losing his nerve. But he wanted to know, so he breathed in deeply and kept his eyes forward. Looking at her, watching her reaction as he asked was something he did not have the courage for just yet. He knew that he would find the undeniable truth in her expressive eyes before her words followed and he wasn’t sure he could handle that.</p><p>           </p><p>“That night in the hut…” he started hesitantly and felt her sit a little straighter, alert now. “Why me?” He kept his eyes down and ahead. “Why did you choose to confide in me, your enemy?”</p><p>           </p><p>Rey stayed silent and that silence had Ben regretting that he's even asked. He steeled himself for an answer he didn’t want to hear as the quiet dragged on.</p><p> </p><p>Eventually, she cleared her throat and sat up fully. He could see in his periphery that she fidgeted with the hem of his black shirt that she was still inexplicably wearing and then finally turned in her seat to face him.</p><p> </p><p>“Being in that cave,” Rey hedged nervously as she continued to fiddle with the shirt, “was the loneliest I have ever felt in my life. I told you that…”</p><p> </p><p>Ben dared to look at her. Of course he remembered what she had said. He remembered the deep loneliness that Rey described. It was like she had been describing himself to her. As though she had seen into him and read out everything inside his heart and soul back to him.</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s eyes were drawn down, reflecting on that fateful night. “I knew that there was only one person in the galaxy who knew how that felt. Who understood that piercing, aching loneliness as much as I did.” She looked up at him with her earnest eyes suddenly and Ben’s breath hitched in his chest. “I knew that you would understand. And I hoped, maybe, that would be enough to help me feel a little less alone.”</p><p> </p><p>She held his gaze intently and Ben couldn’t help but stare back. The next question came unbidden and he wished that the restraint he normally kept himself under were present. Rey had an effect on him that negated all of his barriers and guards.</p><p> </p><p>“And did you?” he breathed. “Feel a little less alone?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s eyes drifted forward as a soft smile played across her lips. “Yes…” she confided gently.</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s chest warmed and he couldn’t fight off the stupid grin that now covered his face. Something inside crowed proudly. She wanted to see me, he marveled. Not only had he been the person she wanted to see after the cave, but he actually helped her feel better.</p><p> </p><p>Rey looked back at him and Ben realized she was waiting for his response. Heat flooded his cheeks and he cleared his throat.</p><p>           </p><p>“Good. I’m…glad.”</p><p> </p><p>She snorted a laugh and then looked away from him. “That’s all you have to say?”</p><p> </p><p>His lips quirked into a smirk as he responded, “Well all you had to say to me was ‘yes’, so I don’t know what you expected.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey scowled in jest and nudged him with her shoulder. That little bit of contact did all sorts of funny things to Ben’s insides.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve thought about that night a lot, you know.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s confession startled him and now it was she who avoided his gaze. Her eyes were kept firmly on the hem of the shirt she played with.</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s heart raced as he waited for Rey to speak again. She chewed on her bottom lip and her leg bounced in anxiety.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah?” he encouraged when the silence was just about to strangle him in anticipation.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” Rey echoed. “Even after what happened on the Supremacy I still thought about it. About how kind you looked in that firelight, the way I felt when our hands touched…how I wish Luke never stormed through the door. I spent a lot of nights wondering what might of happened if he didn’t interrupt us. Would it have changed anything?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben had wondered the same thing more times than he could count. That night their hands touched in the hut was a memory he cherished and replayed constantly. It was the only time in his life he had felt true peace before he'd come back to himseslf on Kef Bir.</p><p> </p><p>Would it have changed anything? If his uncle hadn’t interrupted their connection, what might have happened? Ben imagined multiple times that once their hands touched, Rey would have grasped it and held to it tightly as he worked up the courage to pull her against his chest and tell her that she didn’t have to be alone anymore. Even in his dreams, human contact was foreign and uncomfortable but he would have fought against those discomforts just to feel her in his arms. In his dreams, Rey wouldn’t be repulsed by his touch; she wouldn’t have pulled away from him. He wasn’t foolish enough to think that real Rey would have responded the same way. She probably would have run him through with his grandfather's lightsaber. He would have held her, though and whisper quiet words of comfort until the Force inevitably sent her away. And in those dreams, she would accept him.</p><p> </p><p>As wonderful as his wishes were, Ben couldn’t help but feel glad that Luke had interrupted now. If he hadn’t, he never would been set to the path that brought him back to the light. He never would have seen that heart wrenchingly beautiful way Rey stared up at him after he gave all of himself to bring her back. As if his face was the only thing she wanted to see. He never wanted to forget that expression.</p><p> </p><p>They drifted into silence once more.</p><p> </p><p>“I have a question now,” Rey wondered aloud. Ben felt his body stiffen as his heart started thumping against his chest. There were several questions he could see her asking and there was one particular answer he wasn’t sure he was ready to give yet.</p><p> </p><p>Rey seemed to notice his discomfort and went quiet for a moment before searching his eyes. Ben gulped nervously. Would she ask that question? Was he even sure of the answer himself yet?</p><p> </p><p>Thankfully she asked something else and he held in his sigh of relief. The answer to this question was still not easy to give, but at least he had an answer for her.</p><p> </p><p>“Why did you save me from Snoke?”</p><p> </p><p>“I…” he shut his mouth, reevaluating. Maybe the answer to this question was more similar to the other than he originally thought. Ben wasn’t sure that he was ready to share the feelings that came with his reasoning. How could he answer her without making himself feel too vulnerable? </p><p> </p><p>“I couldn’t let you die.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s eyes jumped back and forth between his as she waited for him to continue. There was something akin to hope there and it sent thrills through his veins.</p><p> </p><p>“I would never have forgiven myself if something happened to you. So when it became clear what Snoke intended to do, I knew that I had to stop him. Even if that meant killing him. If I'm being completely honest, I knew before we entered that room that I would kill him.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s eyes shone with some strange emotion and Ben looked away, still unsure of what he was seeing. He stared down at the empty food tray before him until he was sure she wasn’t staring at him anymore. He eventually decided to name that emotion he saw in her ‘gratitude’.</p><p> </p><p>Ben felt gratitude himself when she didn’t press him any further. If she had, he probably would have confessed all of the emotions and feelings behind his reasoning of why he turned on his master and saved her.</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t want to see the sympathy in her eyes as she presumably rejected him. Again. He already feared the conversation that they would inevitably have about how those kisses they shared didn’t really mean anything to her. That she kissed him and allowed him to kiss her back out of gratitude from him saving her and sacrificing himself for her life.</p><p> </p><p>Ben pushed those dark thoughts from his mind and instead grabbed the platters from the galley counter. With familiar movements, he located the washer and put them inside. He shouldn’t have felt the surprise that he did then the machine actually started a cleaning cycle. Rey really had fixed everything.</p><p>           </p><p>They moved to the dejarik table and sat leaning against each other. Ben had his arm pressed against Rey's lean one and relished the warmth of the simple contact. He wished that he had the courage to wrap his arm around her shoulders. The companionable silence lengthened and eventually Rey’s head leaned heavily on his shoulder. Ben almost jumped at the new weight but couldn’t help the smile that grew on his face when she settled against him. Her eyes were closed and a sleepy grin curved her lips up.</p><p> </p><p>Something akin to joy burned in his chest. She felt comfortable enough to fall asleep on him. He tried not to wish for this to happen every day because he knew it was not going to happen again, but a part of him wished for it to become a daily occurrence.</p><p> </p><p>Rey was fading in and out of consciousness. It was clear that the stresses of the last few days had finally caught up to her. Ben sighed softly, not wanting this to end, but he knew that they both needed sleep.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey,” he whispered gently. She stirred sleepily and blearily opened her eyes. Her sleep hazed eyes greedily took him in. Ben was shocked to realize that her eyes weren’t brown as he had previously believed, but a beautiful hazel mix of green and grey ringed thinly with brown around the center.</p><p> </p><p>“Hmm?” she answered back, staring into his eyes. His heart jolted and he felt that stirring in his chest again. She was so beautiful. His eyes went unbidden down to her lips and he never felt so tempted to capture them with his.</p><p> </p><p>Ben swallowed dryly, pushing the urge away. “I think its time we went to bed.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey sat up straight, all signs of exhaustion gone. “Oh…” she trailed, “Okay.” She stood up and Ben rose to follow her. She walked them quietly to the crew quarters. The lights brightened as their presence was detected and Rey made her way to the largest bunk. His father’s old bunk, he noted. She looked at him expectantly while he stood frozen in the doorway. Why was she looking at him that way? Ben’s feet moved of their own accord and soon he was standing in front of her.</p><p> </p><p>Rey peeked up at him shyly through her lashes and he could feel heavy emotions churning inside of her. Ben didn’t dare identify them, but some pushed through the bond. The main one he felt was…desire. Ben’s eyes widened and his heart started racing heavily against his breastbone. Without thinking, he knelt down before her and her hands drifted out to touch his face. Her hands were gentle and they warmed him—her sent sparks through his skin. They stayed like that for a moment, staring into each other’s eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Their faces drew closer and Ben noticed a light showering of freckles across Rey’s nose, again highlighting how unfamiliar they were with each other despite their deep connection. Ben’s mind went back to the place where he had avoided since he saw Rey running toward him. That part of him wondered if there was a chance that Rey felt the same way he did. He tried to shut that part of him away, but the way she stared at him made it all but impossible.</p><p> </p><p>He swallowed heavily as his mind tried to process what he was feeling from her. Could she actually care for him? They hardly knew each other—he had no idea what she liked and what she disliked, he didn't know her favorite color, but he felt that he knew Rey almost as well as he knew himself. Their connection in the Force was so strong that he almost felt that he had known Rey his entire life.</p><p> </p><p>Ben met Rey’s eyes again and saw that they held determination. They were so close now, their noses nearly skimming. As if she was tired of waiting for Ben to close in, Rey pulled his mouth to hers and kissed him passionately.</p><p> </p><p>In that kiss, Rey communicated her desire to him. For him. Ben urgently responded in turn telling her of his own desires by opening the kiss and deepening it. He was forgetting how to breathe. Kissing her was intoxicating and it overwhelmed his senses, rendering him completely blind to everything else. She tasted perfect, like ripe jogan fruit and sweet air cakes. She moaned and pulled on his lip with her teeth lightly. He groaned into the kiss, surely she was trying to kill him.</p><p> </p><p>This kiss was something even greater than the others they had shared. It was more primal, more sensual and he knew he was going to let himself get carried away as her tongue darted out to meet his. He felt shaky, feverish as their lips melded together and their tongues danced. Ben broke the kiss just long enough to join her on the bunk and they quickly reengaged, greedy for more. Force it was almost too long of a break for him. It felt so good to kiss her. He wanted to do this for forever, he thought as his hands caressed her curves. He gasped, pleased as she began kissing his neck, focusing on his collarbone before making her way back up to his lips. Then she straddled him and hooked her fingers around the belt holding his robes closed. Ben pulled back momentarily.</p><p> </p><p>Clarity returned.</p><p> </p><p>His own heart rate quickened and he fought back panic.</p><p> </p><p>He felt his heart break as the realization struck him though he'd known that it was inevitable. It didn’t change the fact that it still killed him. He didn’t know which was worse, Rey indulging him not because she had feelings for him, but because she was kind and wanted to thank him or if she just wanted his body.</p><p> </p><p>He felt sick. He should have known as soon as he felt her desire. She didn’t share the depth of emotions that he felt whenever he was near her. She was only physically attracted to him. Ben knew that he should feel relieved at the realization because it meant he was right, but his foolish heart had given him false hope. That hope had been torn to shreds and left nausea and a low ache in his chest in its wake.</p><p> </p><p>Even if she was only physically attracted to him and even though it wouldn’t mean the same thing to her as it did him, he felt momentarily tempted to give in. But he couldn’t. Ben knew his feelings were stronger for her than they had been for anyone before. It would kill him in every sense of the word to give that part of himself to someone that he felt for so deeply if those feelings weren’t returned. It would feel hollow to him—wrong in every sense of the word. His stomach twisted painfully.</p><p> </p><p>He had spent so many nights fantasizing about doing this exact thing with Rey for so long, but he couldn’t do it. Not unless she loved him back. He wanted her to love him—as much as he did her.</p><p> </p><p>Ben pulled her off of him and began kissing her gently before pulling back completely.</p><p> </p><p>Rey was panting. Her eyes were still clouded with desire that hurt his heart as they opened to meet his in confusion. “What?” she asked in a breathless tone as her breathing calmed.</p><p> </p><p>He tried to hide the hurt in his eyes as he grabbed her hands and held them gently within his own. “Rey…” he whispered softly, “We can’t do this yet. We shouldn’t,” he emphasized.</p><p> </p><p>Rey gulped, “Why not?” her brows creased in confusion. “I want you and you want me. Why shouldn’t we do this right now?”</p><p> </p><p>A part of him died upon hearing her reasoning but he held it together. He searched for convincing secondary issues to defuse what she was trying to continue. They were still true, but didn’t bother him as much as what really hurt him.</p><p> </p><p>“Well for starters,” Ben began tonelessly, “We used to try to kill each other. As recently as a month ago…”</p><p> </p><p>He continued the deflection, almost feeling like he should be exasperated that he had to explain something that Rey should have already thought through.</p><p> </p><p>It appeared that she had come to a different conclusion based on her annoyed expression. “That combined with the fact that I don’t know your favorite color or that I don’t really know anything about you for that matter…” he trailed off as Rey started laughing.</p><p> </p><p>He was taken aback. That was not the reaction he had expected. It stung.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben Solo,” she almost sang, “are you trying to be a gentleman?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben blushed furiously and sputtered, “What? No! I mean—I just don’t—Uh, I don’t think we’re ready to—uh, do this…” he finished lamely.</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s eyes sought his and the humor left her face immediately. She sobered up and leant forward, searching him for answers.</p><p> </p><p>“No. That’s not it. Its something else though, isn’t it? Something bigger. What is it that’s really stopping you, Ben?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben stiffened. She was too perceptive. He still didn’t want to tell her though. He couldn’t tell her.</p><p> </p><p>She persisted though. Rey looked down shyly as if she were gathering courage to admit something. Ben watched her play with her fingers while he waited for her to respond. “I..." she broke off, blush coloring her cheeks scarlet, "...care about you, Ben. Deeply. And I wanted to show you that I care for you just now…”</p><p> </p><p>That struck a nerve. Anger hijacked his system and he exploded, backing away from her as far as the bunk allowed. “You don’t care for me. How could you? I’m a monster, remember?” He recalled their second force connection and the things she said to him. You are a monster...</p><p> </p><p>Rey drew back as if she had been slapped. She watched him with wide eyes that quickly filled with tears.</p><p> </p><p>“How—how can you say that after everything I told you today?” she brokenly asked him.</p><p> </p><p>The anger thudded in every nerve—every cell. “You couldn’t ever care about me, Rey. Maybe you felt gratitude for what I did. But don’t mistake it for anything more.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s mouth dropped as she gasped and her own anger ignited her eyes. She stood forcefully and moved away from him, pacing like a predatory cat, lithe and graceful. </p><p> </p><p>“How dare you presume to tell me what I do and do not feel for you?” she seethed, finally meeting his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“I dare because I know,” he snapped, standing too. He continued before he could stop himself. “You hated me, Rey. I could see it in your eyes. Do you honestly expect me to believe that your feelings for me changed that drastically after one day?” He started pacing in agitation. “It isn’t possible. No one could ever feel that way toward me. I’m unlovable. And that little display on the bunk?” he knew he was crossing a line, but he was so hurt—so angry that he didn’t care. “Maybe it was out of gratitude too. Or maybe you just wanted someone to fu—“</p><p> </p><p>“Stop!”</p><p> </p><p>Ben broke off at Rey’s outburst. Her eyes were alight in fury and sparkling with unshed tears as her hands trembled from the volatile emotion emanating off her small frame.</p><p> </p><p>Her voice shook in fury as she glared at him, “Are you seriously telling me that you think I would do something like this out of gratitude? Or—even worse, that I just wanted to get into your pants?” Her face twisted in disgust, bitter tears streaking down her face.</p><p> </p><p>Ben opened his mouth to retort yes, that is exactly what I think, but she cut him off with a sharp gesture. He held his tongue and fought for the patience to allow her to say her piece.</p><p> </p><p>“How dare you think so low of me, Ben,” Rey growled at him. “After everything that I went through when you died. After everything we’ve been through together—especially what we shared just a few hours ago on those cliffs? How could you believe that I don’t care about you?” The anger in her eyes died suddenly, disorienting him as he tried to make sense of the change in her Force signature and it was replaced with a deep sorrow. Ben found his temper evening out just a little bit as he felt her pain through the bond. It matched the hurt he felt, he noted with no small amount of surprise.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve never—I would never do something like that. That’s not me. I thought you would know that.” She looked away from him, tears pooling in her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>He wanted to believe he so desperately. He wanted to rush to her and wipe the tears from her cheeks and tell her that he was sorry for ever doubting her. But he still did doubt her. He knew that she couldn’t have those feelings for her. He just knew that no one could ever feel that way for him.</p><p> </p><p>“How could I know that, Rey? I hardly know you.”</p><p> </p><p>The words that escaped him cut her to the core. He could see it in her eyes as she staggered against the wall and how the color drained from her face. He could see it in the way her bright eyes dimmed, and worst of all, he could feel the cutting depth his words had on her soul as if he were cutting himself.</p><p> </p><p>She gasped and collapsed in on herself. The room was quiet except for her soft sobs. He immediately regretted what he said. He was just so afraid of getting hurt—of being rejected that he was lashing out. It was what he always did. Before he was Kylo Ren even, he shut people out. He didn’t know why it would be any different now.</p><p> </p><p>Rey stilled and breathed in raggedly. She lifted her reddened eyes to glare at him in determination, her chin lifted high. Her spirit, her toughness astounded him. Despite the pain she felt, he could see her fighting through it to get through to him.</p><p> </p><p>“You know me, Ben. You know me better than anyone has ever known me.” She stepped forward and stopped short when he felt himself draw backwards. He watched her carefully conceal the hurt in her eyes before she continued, voice sure despite everything. “I don’t know how you can stand here and say that all I want from you is—is sex,” she stuttered in disgust, “I thought you knew?”</p><p> </p><p>Know what? He wanted to ask, but he held back. Always too cowardly.</p><p> </p><p>Rey shook her head as though she heard him and clenched her jaw. “I thought you knew that I care about you. More than I have cared for anyone in my small, pathetic, lonely life.” She drew in a deep breath and began to say three words that terrified him more than anything. “I lo—“</p><p> </p><p>“No!”</p><p> </p><p>The beautiful woman before him staggered back, stunned at his outburst. The words died on her lips, her eyes widening before the reignited spark dimmed again.</p><p> </p><p>How dare she try to say that to him? How could she play with his emotions like that? The anger that he let fade due to his shame for making such a perfect being cry suddenly coursed through his veins once more. He couldn’t handle this. He couldn’t handle her toying with his emotions.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t you dare say it, Rey.”</p><p> </p><p>Her eyes showed such profound heartbreak but she masked it after a beat.</p><p> </p><p>Seconds after she hid away the pain, he heard a sharp intake of breath. Again. How did she do it, he marveled, how can she force away that hurt and continue on?</p><p> </p><p>“You’re afraid,” she realized, her pink lips soft and parted in an awed 'o'. Her arms dropped to her sides and she stood up straight, capturing his eyes with her fierce gaze.</p><p> </p><p>She strode forward to him this time with no hesitation and stopped half a meter away. Her chest was surging as she struggled to speak calmly. Ben fought the urge to step back again. Instead, he stood up to his full height and looked down on her imperiously.</p><p> </p><p>To Rey’s credit, she was not intimidated. No matter what was happening at the moment, Ben admired that Rey didn’t fear him.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know what your master did to you to make you think that you were so unlovable” she spat, “But don’t you dare presume to think that no one could ever see through that mask you once hid yourself behind and not find something to love.”</p><p> </p><p>“I want you to understand something right now, Ben Solo,” she said to him with fervor as she closed in on him, “My feelings for you go beyond that,” she gestured to the bunk, hinting at what almost happened a few moments ago. “My feelings for you are real and they aren’t going to go away just because you insist that they’re an impossibility. I won't stop just because you try to scare me away. I won't just stop because you're scared of this. Of us.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s traitorous heart drained the anger away but the feeling was quickly replaced with denial and anxiety. He looked away from her. From the other bunks in the quarters to the blast door on the other side of the room. Anything to avoid her penetrating gaze. Rey was wrong. She didn't feel anything for him. She couldn’t. She was just confused. In time, Rey would realize that she didn’t actually care about him, that he wasn't worth it and then she would abandon him to be alone with his heartache.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben?” Rey called softly for his attention, reaching out for his hand. “Please…look at me,” she pleaded. All traces of her fury were gone, replaced by something soft and fragile.</p><p> </p><p>He lost the battle. He always did when she said his name like that. His eyes connected to hers as soon as she begged.</p><p> </p><p>Her small hands gripped his firmly. He started at the feel of them around his fingers but held his gaze steady to hers. “Listen to me,” she urged, “You don’t believe me now, not after everything you’ve been through. I won’t pretend to know what happened to you. But please, let me show you—let me prove to you that I do care for you. Please…”</p><p> </p><p>Her eyes earnestly sought his and he couldn’t help but notice how open and honest the emotions shone within. He relaxed just a bit and felt the fervent truth she was still trying to express through their bond.</p><p> </p><p>His lips trembled and he tried to fight through his doubts and conflict for her. What he saw in Rey was truth. He could see that she cared for him—or at least that she believed that she had feelings for him but could he believe that? And if he believed that she really did have feelings for him, how long would it be until those feelings died off and she inevitably left him alone? A squeeze of his hand brought him back to intent hazel eyes and Ben let himself relax a little more. Looking into her eyes made it a little easier to believe that she cared for him. At least for a time…</p><p> </p><p>Ben gulped, deciding to believe her. It was one of the hardest things he had done in his thirty years. “Okay…”</p><p> </p><p>Rey blinked in shock, as though she hadn’t believed he would let her. He almost hadn’t. Her lips drew into a watery smile and stepped closer, pulling herself against his chest. Ben’s arms wrapped around her and held her to him tightly. He pressed her face into her hair and took in her sweet scent. A part of him wondered how long this would last…</p><p> </p><p>"I'm sorry," he murmured into her soft, chestnut hair.</p><p> </p><p>"Oh, Ben," she whispered back, "Its alright. It really is." She held firm to him and he sunk further into her embrace, resting his temple against the top of her head. He absolutely didn't deserve her.</p><p> </p><p>But the thought of her eventually wanting to leave him almost made him retract his acquiescence. He needed to guard himself against inevitable heartbreak. It would be best if he maintained some boundaries—some distance, so that when it happened, it wouldn't hurt so badly.</p><p> </p><p>“I think it would be for the best if I sleep in a different bunk tonight.” He let go of Rey and stepped back, making his way to the blast door. He thought of the relief bunk above the dejarik table he could sleep in before Rey’s voice called out to him.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t be silly Ben,” she stated firmly, though her eyes reflected something sad as though she realized that he wouldn’t open up to her as much as she hoped, “There are plenty of other bunks here. Take one of them.” She finally looked at him again, “Please?” her eyes pleaded silently and Ben realized that she didn’t want to be left alone. He realized that he didn’t want to be alone either.</p><p> </p><p>Ben turned around and quietly claimed a bunk.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay,” he replied gratefully as he lay down. The relief bunk was much smaller and very uncomfortable for a man of his stature. “Good night, Rey.” He lay down and for a long moment it was silent.</p><p> </p><p>“Good night, Ben,” came a soft reply. The lights dimmed and Ben immediately drifted off to sleep.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Ben dreamt he was with his parents on Chandrila, the small blue and green planet of his early years. They were in a nature park, surrounded by tintolive trees and seated on the soft, green grass. Han had just said something that was amusing and his mother rolled her eyes good naturedly as Han winked at him. It was wonderful to hear them happy together. Ben closed his eyes and breathed in deeply, enjoying the presence of his parents and feeling whole once more. He could hear the gentle crashing of the waves nearby and felt the balmy air ruffle his dark hair.</p><p> </p><p>Han and Leia continued their light-hearted bantering as Ben remained down on the ground, content to listen to his parent’s voices. They were reminiscing the Rebellion days. He had heard so much about those days that he let his mind wander. Sleep began to claim him when he felt something drop next to him. Without looking, he picked it up and brought it to his face to examine it. When he saw what it was, he wanted to drop it immediately, but couldn’t. His hands were wrapped around the thing so firmly that it looked like his knuckles would burst through the skin.</p><p> </p><p>His lightsaber, the one he had thrown into the ocean of Kef Bir, glared up at him menacingly. He stood; backing away in terror and his father followed and strode up to him, concern etched in the creases of his aging face.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s that you have there, son?” Han Solo asked Ben softly, a trace of fear bled into his tone. Ben looked up in horror as the blade ignited on its own and pierced through his father's chest. Just as it had on Starkiller. Ben dropped the saber in horror, but Han was already facedown on the ground. Leia Organa was screaming as she shook her dead husband. Ben balked and ran away from his mother’s shrieks. The sky darkened and sallow, blue eyes looked down on him, Snoke’s voice booming: “Well done, my dutiful servant of darkness.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben ran until his sides ached and then pressed on further still. When he finally stopped, he was deeply hidden in a grove of gnarled trees. He hesitantly walked out of the grove and noticed figures frozen in positions of panic and retreat on a wide, grassy field. He recognized some of them. Their faces took on various expressions of terror, horror and fright. Ben wondered why they were stuck here and willed the figures to run away.</p><p> </p><p>The familiar sound of a lightsaber igniting caught his attention and he looked across the field of people to see a dark figure cloaked in a black and silver mask holding a jagged, red blade. Suddenly, the people starting screaming and moving away in waves as the man in black mercilessly slashed and burned his way through them. Then, the field began to burn too. The acrid smell of burning flesh stung Ben’s nose and eyes and his lungs burned as he inhaled greasy, black smoke. He coughed and vomited the toxins out, but they had done a great deal of damage while he stood in the middle of the inferno.</p><p> </p><p>The creature shrouded in black stopped before him and held the saber out to him, as though he were offering it to him. Ben backed in away terrified, but the figure advanced until he tripped over a tintolive root and fell on his back.</p><p> </p><p>The perspective changed and now he was the one who held the saber menacingly toward a young twi’lek boy fallen in the tangle of roots, who cried for his mother. Hatred surged through him and he cut down in a wide arc, silencing the boy’s cries forever.</p><p> </p><p>Ben screamed in agony at the act, though no sound came from the masked figure he was locked inside. Why? That wasn’t him anymore. He didn’t want to be that man anymore.</p><p> </p><p>You cannot escape who you are, young Solo, a sinister voice taunted. It sounded like Sideous. You are an heir to darkness—to the sith. You will never escape the sins committed by Kylo Ren. They remain a part of you. They will drag you down with them until your death.</p><p> </p><p>Ben felt hot tears streaking down his face as he was forced to live through every murder, every razing he had ever committed as Kylo Ren once more. Each scream—each cry and each pained face was burned into his mind, committed to his memory forever. He didn’t want this. He didn’t want to face his crimes again. The guilt made him so sick that he vomited onto the burnt grass field again.</p><p> </p><p>He ran. He couldn’t face what he had done to the poor peoples of countless planets in the name of the First Order. The pain of remembrance was eating him whole.</p><p> </p><p>A lone figure stood on the shores ahead. Lithe and feminine, Ben recognized the figure as Rey’s. He sprinted to her and called her name. She didn’t respond. He reached out and spun her shoulders round to meet him. Her eyes were rimmed in blood, the whole whites had been blackened. Ben gasped and staggered back.</p><p> </p><p>She stepped toward him and in a ragged voice starkly unlike her own cried, “You can never be forgiven for what you have done, monster. You will feel the pain of your sins until you draw your dying breath…”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Ben gasped and jolted awake. He was soaked in his own sweat and felt wetness in his eyes. He lay flat on his back, chest moving rapidly, his mind reeling from the nightmare he had just been freed from when he noticed a small figure reach out for him.</p><p> </p><p>He cringed away in fear. Something was making a horrible sound nearby.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben?” Rey’s soft voice called, “Ben, its okay. It was just a dream. You’re awake, you’re here now,” she soothed.</p><p> </p><p>Ben tried to reply to her, but found that he couldn’t. He realized then that those guttural, animalistic sounds were coming from him.</p><p> </p><p>Rey was in the bunk with him now, one arm wrapped around him and the other stroking his sweat soaked hair. She held to him tightly as Ben’s wrenching sobs shook them both. He couldn’t stop seeing the horror he had inflicted on so many people. He could see the bodies even now. Some were sheared in half and smoldered in the aftermath of his fury. Others looked like they could be sleeping were it not for the smoking holes through their chests.</p><p> </p><p>Ben felt like he was going to be sick. He forced Rey off of him and ran into the refresher across the hall and retched into the toilet. He leaned over it for a while, waiting for the nausea to pass. It didn’t. Eventually his breathing evened and he wiped sweat from his brow and dropped to the ground. He felt shaky. He was shaky. His hands trembled, along with his limbs and his shoulders.</p><p> </p><p>Ben bit his lip and tried to stop the gasping sobs from escaping, but he failed. All he could see were the visions of those he killed. Innocents. Soldiers. Those who were only trying to protect their homes, their planets. He had murdered anyone who stood in his path to the glory of the First Order. He was a monster. A monster who should not be alive again after rightfully deserving death. Why was he here? Why would someone like him ever deserve to come back?</p><p> </p><p>He had returned to the Light, yes, but that did nothing to redeem him of the atrocities he had committed as Kylo Ren. He looked at his shaking hands and all he saw was scarlet. Scarlet for the lives he had claimed.</p><p> </p><p>Ben groaned. He shouldn’t be here. It was wrong.</p><p> </p><p>The doors hissed open and Ben looked up, chest heaving as his broken cries escaped. Rey stood at the door, her face openly worried. She rushed to him and knelt down, wrapping her small arms around him. Ben continued to cry into her shoulder and she held fast. She didn’t say anything and he appreciated that. Her embrace did little to ease the pain of his sins, but it still helped a bit.</p><p> </p><p>Eventually, he calmed, eyes empty of tears but still full of pain. Rey pulled back and examined his tear-swollen face. Her finger traced the dried tracks and rested on his cheek. “Come,” she whispered gently, “Lets get you back in bed.”</p><p> </p><p>Tiredly, Ben agreed, completely haunted by those he ruthlessly killed but resigned as he suddenly realized what he needed to do. He didn't deserve this second chance. He would see to it that the mistake of his resurrection be rectified as soon as possible. They couldn't stay here on this island forever. Eventually Rey would be needed again. And he would go with her and turn himself in.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>As far as I know, there is no rehydrator in Star Wars cannon. I just couldn't stand the idea of our heroes eating synth-food from a food processor all the time... so yeah, in my story, we have a device that can rehydrate flash frozen foods. Its really salty and not great, but way better than rations and synth-stuff.</p><p>Thanks again!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. A Time to Reflect</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Aand here is chapter six! Its a little bit shorter than the others, but I think it was important enough to the narrative to stand on its own. </p><p>There is not a whole lot of dialogue here. The title sort of tells you all you need to know. Things start picking up next chapter with some "getting to know you" and some Reylo fluff. The next couple of chapters are going to be pretty fluffy because they deserve it before the angst sets in. </p><p>I hope you enjoy! Comments and feedback are appreciated!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>CHAPTER SIX: A Time to Reflect</p><p>                                </p><p>Rey carefully watched over Ben as he lay beside her in the doublewide bunk. They both were lying on their sides, facing each other. Despite everything that happened, it felt right to have him there with her.</p><p> </p><p>Ben slept, his chest rising and falling evenly. She noted with concern the unrelenting crease between his brows. He was not sleeping easily. Every so often, he jolted awake, a wild panic in his eyes. The only thing that seemed to calm him back into that restless slumber was a gentle hand, hers, stroking his face.</p><p> </p><p>She reached up and traced the planes of his face once more though he was still at the moment. Rey couldn’t help but think about how much she loved touching his face. The privilege was so new to her and she relished every stroke of her fingers against his soft skin. It seemed that the angles were always different each time she felt him. And she secretly enjoyed memorizing the angular curves of his cheekbones and his jawline.</p><p> </p><p>Her hand moved to his dark hair. Hair like that shouldn’t be possible. It was much softer than she expected. It wasn’t as fine and soft as hers, but it was almost velvety to the touch and held a slight curl. And it was so thick. Unnaturally so. She immediately decided that she loved his hair. She never wanted to stop touching it either.</p><p> </p><p>Rey wondered if her fingers carding his hair relaxed him as much as it relaxed her. She would have to convince Ben to run his fingers through her hair sometime so that she could enjoy that sensation too. There was no doubt in her mind that Ben would oblige. She could almost imagine the little shivers that would run down her spine as his fingers grazed her scalp. She smiled at the imaginary feel of it.</p><p> </p><p>Ben stirred a bit and Rey froze, fearing that she had woken him up. After a tense moment, he relaxed and so did she, eyes still cautiously watching him.</p><p> </p><p>She worried for him.</p><p> </p><p>Rey thought back on the events of the last few hours. Ben had woken up from a terrible dream screaming, though he hadn’t realized it. Just by the sound of it, she thought he was being attacked. When she realized that wasn’t the case, she rushed to calm him. But then a horrible, broken sound ripped from his throat and Rey realized that he was crying. Sobbing? She didn’t think either of those were accurate description for the sound of pure agony that tore through him.</p><p> </p><p>Whatever it was that he had seen must have been terrible. She’d reached out to him and tried to hold his arm to let him know that she was there to help, but he seemed to be too stuck in his nightmare to notice her.</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s heart broke while she watched him fight tooth and nail out of the terror that had him in its clutches. She felt so helpless and Rey <em>hated</em> feeling that way.</p><p> </p><p>Finally, when he laid back and seemed like he was finally awake, Rey stepped forward and tentatively called his name.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben?” she gently beseeched, “Ben, its okay. It was just a dream. You’re awake. You’re here now,” she tried calming him.</p><p> </p><p>Ben looked at her aghast and shook his head in denial. He tried forming words but couldn’t seem to get them through the gasping sobs that filled the room. She practically jumped into his bunk and tried to gather his large form in her arms. Her heart bled for him. All she wanted was to give him the comfort he so desperately needed.</p><p> </p><p>She pressed her face into his back and held to him tightly, willing comfort through their bond. Ben half-heartedly grabbed at her arms in acknowledgement and Rey foolishly thought maybe he was through the worst of it. She squeezed him back but suddenly flailed backward in a daze as he all but threw her off of him in effort to rush to the refresher in time.</p><p> </p><p>The sound of retching shortly followed. Coughs, sobs and more retching followed that.</p><p> </p><p>The sounds of his despair were shattering her. She wanted to help him. She <em>needed</em> to help him, but she didn’t know what to do. So Rey picked herself off of his bed and thought about how she could help him best. She yearned to rush in after him and rub his shoulders while he pushed through the bouts of nausea, but her mind thought better of it. <em>Ben doesn’t want you to see him like that</em>, it told her. He definitely hadn’t want her seeing him as a crying wreck earlier, she felt his mortification before he’d run off, but she had seen it. Could she really humiliate him more by going in there while he was trying to collect himself and hold on to his pride?</p><p> </p><p>She paced between the quarter doors and the refresher doors, still unsure of what to do. <em>He needs me to be with him,</em> she thought as she tried to step closer to the refresher. <em>But I doubt he wants me there</em> A step back toward their quarters<em>. I want to be there though.</em> She wanted Ben to understand that she hoped to be his comfort—especially after their fight before bed a few hours ago. This was one of the first things that she could do to prove his worth to her—to prove her feelings to him.</p><p> </p><p>Her mind resolved, she walked to the refresher door and hit the button on the control panel that granted access. Rey was relieved to see it hiss open. <em>Good</em>, she thought, <em>that means he isn’t intentionally trying to keep me away.</em></p><p> </p><p>Ben looked up at her from his spot next to the toilet. His skin was sickly pale and sheened with sweat. He was visibly shaking and looked like he was about to fall over. Rey’s brows creased with worry as she took him in. Whatever had happened in that nightmare had seriously affected him. He looked haggard, pained and thoroughly beaten.</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s eyes widened a fraction when she recognized the pain he felt. Guilt. He felt guilty. She nearly cried upon feeling a new, deafening emotion roll off of him through their bond. Total and complete self-loathing.</p><p> </p><p>He was in absolute agony.</p><p> </p><p>Her knees gave out as she reached him and she pulled him into her embrace. He didn’t fight her—even buried his face into her shoulder through his anguished sobs—and Rey clung to him, silent tears running down her face. She listened to his cries, wishing desperately that she could help him stop hurting. She hated feeling helpless. She wanted to know how to fix this—wanted to ask him what she could do. But she knew now was not the time to pry. He would talk to her when he was ready.</p><p> </p><p>Eventually the tears stopped and Ben raised his heavy head off of her and their eyes met. His were red and swollen and had a haunted cast to them. She almost drowned in the depths of the suffering he felt. Unbidden, her fingers found his face and traced the dried tears. He didn’t pull away though, she noticed gratefully. Instead, he looked absolutely exhausted.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on,” she spoke to him gently, “Lets get you back in bed.”</p><p> </p><p>After a short pause, Ben nodded reluctantly and they both stood, Rey’s arms wrapped around his torso for what little support her smaller body could lend and guided him to her bed.</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t protest when she lay down next to him. He merely watched her with blank eyes before finally succumbing to sleep’s pull.</p><p> </p><p>That had been a few hours ago. Rey hadn’t been able to find sleep since then. Her mind was going a million miles a minute as she worried for Ben and the horrible guilt and suffering she knew was devouring him. Even now she could feel it swirling through his subconscious, consuming everything in its path. It was thick and unyielding. It threatened to pull her in if she drifted too close.</p><p> </p><p>She breathed out heavily, dragging her hand lightly down his arm and tried to keep her mind off of it. Ben wouldn’t want her to worry about him. And though that wouldn’t stop her, even she had to admit that she was absolutely exhausted, despite the copious amounts of sleep she had as she flew to Ahch-To.</p><p> </p><p>Rey distracted herself by admiring the bulk of muscle she felt in his arm. She was fascinated by the cords of muscles bunched in his bicep particularly, running her fingers over that area most frequently. The sheer mass made her wonder how in the galaxy had she been able to hold her own against him as often as she had. It shouldn’t have been possible.</p><p> </p><p>The ploy to distract herself failed seconds later when his brows furrowed and he whimpered softly. Her hands went unbidden to his face and smoothed the furrow away. She desperately wanted to know what he had seen in his dreams. If only she knew, she might be able to help him.</p><p> </p><p><em>He’ll confide in me when he is ready</em>, she reminded herself firmly. She knew that he would, just as she had confided in him a year ago on this very island.</p><p> </p><p>She also fought to keep her mind away from what happened earlier that evening. She let herself be carried away in a fit of passion and it ended disastrously. Ben had accused her of only offering herself as thanks for his sacrifice. That made her stomach churn in disgust. Then he thought that she only wanted him for sex. That accusation was much worse.</p><p> </p><p>He said that she couldn’t care for him.</p><p> </p><p>That accusation actually did break her heart. She thought that he knew. She thought that she made it clear that stormy day on Kef Bir that she wanted Ben Solo, not Kylo Ren. And then when he came to her on Exegol as Ben Solo, she thought she had made it clear that he was what she’d been waiting for. She thought that there could be no doubt of her feelings for him especially after they were miraculously reunited today.</p><p> </p><p>How could he doubt her?</p><p> </p><p>That was a stupid question of course. He had plenty of reasons and not all of them had to do with her. First off was the First Order’s malicious Supreme Leader Snoke. Clearly he molded Ben’s mind into thinking that he was not worthy of love and that no one could ever love a creature like him. The thought of Snoke warping Ben’s mind sickened her as much as it angered her.</p><p> </p><p>Then there was the fact that she and Ben had shared a rather contentious relationship previous to Exegol. It was true of course. They’d been on opposite sides of a war—they were enemies.</p><p> </p><p>But she always felt…conflicted when it came to him. Even when she wanted to hate him, she never could find it within herself. Of course there were probably several other reasons as to why he couldn’t believe that she might love him, but she didn’t know what they were yet. Rey would uncover them though. She would show him that he was worthy of being loved.</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s eyes moved back up to Ben’s face. She had to stop herself from leaning in closely to steal a kiss from his full lips, stricken at the beauty of him.</p><p> </p><p>He was not what many would call handsome in a classical sense. That title had been designated to men like Poe Dameron. Ben had a long, thin face and a large nose. His lips were verging on too full to be appropriately masculine and his jaw was narrow and pointed.</p><p> </p><p>But to Rey, he was incredibly handsome. She loved his full lips and his striking nose. She loved his thick dark hair and the constellation of moles that speckled his face. His eyes were the most soulful and expressive eyes Rey had ever seen. And when he looked at her, she could read every emotion in those rich, brown eyes as if it were written in Basic on a giant holoscreen. When he looked at her, she felt like he could <em>see </em>her. That he knew exactly who she was and why. She supposed it made sense, seeing what they were. A dyad in the Force. Rey’s nose scrunched. She still wasn’t entirely sure what that meant.</p><p> </p><p>Rey continued her silent vigil over the sleeping Ben Solo, thinking of their strange journey together.</p><p> </p><p>She had fought against her burgeoning feelings for him for so long. Things were certainly complicated between them. And now she suspected that things might always be complicated between them. In a different way than before, of course.</p><p> </p><p>When she first spoke with him face to face in that interrogation room on Starkiller Base, she thought he was an actual monster. She woke to him staring at her through that terrifying black mask. And then when he removed it, she was disgusted by the way she felt inexplicably drawn to him. She wanted to hate him. He deserved her hatred.</p><p> </p><p>He was dangerously intense and there was just a hint of smug arrogance in his demeanor that put her off immediately.</p><p> </p><p>She recalled the grim satisfaction she felt when that arrogance disappeared as soon as she’d been able to challenge him and rifle through his mind as easily as he’d rifled through hers. It still filled her with pride to think of it now. She, a scavenger who knew nothing, was able to scare off the imposing nightmare that was Kylo Ren.</p><p> </p><p>Despite how she felt initially when she woke up in that Starkiller interrogation room, she couldn’t pretend that the other feelings she’d experienced didn’t occur. Rey recalled his emotive eyes that had captured her and had her intrigued, as well as the deep, thrumming voice that seemed too gentle—too calm for the hurricane she’d sensed within him.</p><p> </p><p>He had terrified her but at the same time, enthralled her.</p><p> </p><p>Rey also recalled the brief moment she’d seen into his mind. His was rife with turmoil—feelings of conflict and loneliness, intense desire to find belonging and a desperate need to be as powerful as his famous grandfather had been.</p><p> </p><p>She knew his heart and at once knew that there was a streak of light hidden away inside of him. Kept in a small corner at the back of his mind. She recognized it though and wondered how some place so dark could have such a bright little sunbeam survive inside.</p><p> </p><p>When he had killed his father, she was certain that bit of light had died away with Han.</p><p> </p><p>During their fight out in the snow, he was shockingly earnest. So honest in his desire to guide her and teach her. She felt the connection to him almost immediately, like a strange yet powerful kinship that was as twisted as it was compelling.</p><p> </p><p>She thought that was the last she’d ever hear from him but she had been so, so wrong.</p><p> </p><p>When the Force first connected them physically on Ahch-To, Rey reacted appropriately and shot at him. But then the Force reconnected them again and again.</p><p> </p><p>She had fought away the intrigue she felt seeing him before her, but it became more difficult as she caught glimpses of the pained man hiding behind the mask of Kylo Ren. Their strange connections persisted and lead her to develop that strange, unnervingly strong connection to him.</p><p> </p><p>And it was through that connection that she started to feel more understood and less lonely. Their minds mingled and she learned more about him. She found in him someone who felt as she did. Her guard began to drop as they spoke more and that small, disturbing attraction she had almost snuffed out began to live again. She fought against it desperately, knowing that they were on opposing sides of a war and that it was so incredibly wrong to feel anything akin to that emotion. But it persisted.</p><p> </p><p>After she had gone into the cave and felt the most lonely she had ever felt in her lonely life, the only person she wanted to confide in was her enemy. Kylo Ren was the one person whom she knew would understand. And he did. <em>You’re not alone…</em> he whispered to her across their bond. She told him he wasn’t either and offered her hand to him. What shocked her was how much she’d meant it. He wasn’t alone in this either and she wanted him to know it.</p><p> </p><p>Rey remembered her heart pounding erratically as she watched Ben pull off his glove and reach toward her. The anticipation and hope that she would actually be able to feel him nearly killed her. They reached out their hands hesitantly, eyes cautious and full of unexpected longing. She remembered the electricity that sparked through her when their fingers met, her pulse pounding in her ears. She recalled the heated feel of his hand pressed against hers and the desire it awoke in her.</p><p> </p><p>Rey had discovered that the light in him was not if fact gone, but still there, brighter somehow. And so in the brief time between her foolhardy mission to Snoke’s flag ship and the end of her and Ben’s battle with the Praetorian guards, the feelings she refused to acknowledge blossomed into something more. Something deeper than attraction.</p><p>When she arrived in the <em>Supremacy’s </em>flight hangar, Ben’s face was the first that she saw and it sent her heart fluttering with nerves. He tried keeping his face blank, but she sensed the excitement he felt when he saw her crammed in the tiny escape pod, as if he couldn’t believe she was actually there. She’d felt their connection flare up as they rode the turbolift and then shut down as soon as the doors opened to reveal the true monster. She spent the next five minutes certain she’d made a fatal mistake.</p><p> </p><p>But then Ben killed his Master. Ben killed Snoke for <em>her. </em>To protect her. And when they fought together against the red guard—the Praetorian guard, she later learned, it felt like nothing she had ever felt before in her short life. They were in perfect sync—each strike complimented the other. They amplified and strengthened the other. It was exhilarating. It was perfect, like two blades built to be used in harmony.</p><p> </p><p>Then things had gone horribly wrong. Rather than helping her, Ben had decided to delve further down the path of the Dark Side by taking his master’s place. He called her nothing and then offered her the galaxy. Her heart had broken, realizing that her newfound hopes for them were dead on the ground.</p><p> </p><p>After that, she ferociously forced herself to ignore the feelings that had developed for Ben Solo. She told herself that he had made his choice—that he was a lost cause. And for a year, he was. After Pasaana, their first meeting since Crait, he still was a lost cause in her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Until that fight on the Death Star II, where she ran him through with his own blade and nearly left him for dead. As she dealt the killing blow, she felt Leia call out to her lost son in the Force. And she felt something break in Kylo Ren as his mother died.</p><p> </p><p>The spell of darkness broke around her and she realized in horror what she had done. Those feelings she kept suffocated almost succeeded in their fight to the surface as he stared at her in utter heartbreak for the loss of his mother and the resignation he felt at the fate Rey had dealt him.</p><p> </p><p>She knew then that she wouldn’t—couldn’t—let him die. So she healed him and made one small confession to him that she successfully kept hidden away from herself for over a year. That she <em>had</em> wanted to take his hand. She had wanted to take Ben’s hand.</p><p> </p><p>She fled in cowardice rather than face him after that to Ahch-To. After some choice words from Luke, she eventually decided to face her grandfather on Exegol.</p><p> </p><p>She had felt completely trapped there. Rey shivered as she recalled the icy hopelessness she felt inside the dark citadel of the Sith Eternal.</p><p> </p><p>Darth Sideous played her into a corner and when all hope seemed lost—when she was about to give up her freedom to save her friends, <em>he</em> came to her. Ben Solo—not Kylo Ren—appeared before her with a bright, shining and bloodied face. He radiated light. She saw it in his eyes and in the way he stood. He was confident—he was centered and certain.</p><p> </p><p>And for the first time, their bond felt…right. It felt like coming home at last.</p><p> </p><p>When she felt his presence on Exegol and when the Force connected them one last time was when she finally gave in to the love that had subtly and in part unwillingly built in her since their meeting on Takodana.</p><p> </p><p>How could she not give in to it? Ben Solo was on Exegol. He had come to save her, wielding nothing but a blaster. No cross guard saber in sight. Her heart thrummed with joy and <em>hope</em> and she knew that with Ben by her side, she would win. She knew that they could do anything when they were together.</p><p> </p><p>The change in Ben was so drastic. He appeared so self-assured and finally, <em>finally</em> at peace within himself. Where anger once was prevalent in his eyes, soft assurance now defined them. The fire and intensity were still there of course. Those emotions defined him, after all. But the purpose behind them changed. Her breath caught in her throat at the thought of it.</p><p> </p><p>And when they finally met face to face, she knew that new softness was meant for her and her alone. His eyes bespoke nothing but love for her. She remembered hoping that he saw that same love reflected to him in her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>But fate didn’t smile kindly upon them. Almost immediately, their reunion was cut short. Palpatine sucked their life force from them, leaving them half dead and than blasted Ben into a cavernous hole, left for dead. Rey gave everything that was left in her to stop him.</p><p> </p><p>And somehow, she did.</p><p> </p><p>She remembered falling into oblivion after. Groggy memories of relief and sadness flitted in her mind as she tried to recall what happened to her. Logic told her that she had died. It didn’t feel like she had died though. It felt like a deep haze. It made her deeply uncomfortable to think about the fact that she had been dead. So she tried to never think about it.</p><p> </p><p>Only two words broke through that haze. <em>Hold on</em>. She recalled the voice sounding like Ben’s.</p><p> </p><p>And then…</p><p> </p><p>Then she remembered waking up, cradled in Ben’s arms. She watched him as his face expressed a beautiful combination of unmitigated surprise mingled with delight and relief at her eyes opening. She wanted to memorize that look of wonder and relive it over and over again. He was so beautiful in that moment.</p><p> </p><p>She remembered shooting up and closing the gap between them and his expression changed to one of what Rey could only explain as a yearning devotion. She felt his fingers around the base of her skull and her hand went unbidden to his face. Warmth flooded through her when Ben leaned against her hand. She had felt magnetically drawn to him and didn’t ever want that feeling to stop.</p><p> </p><p>In that all to brief moment, she imagined their future together. She knew that she would be devoted to him forever just as she knew he would be devoted to her.</p><p> </p><p>And so while imagining their lives together, Rey pulled herself to Ben’s lips in a passion. Then she actually saw a future that she couldn’t believe, though it made her happier than she had ever been before. And for a short time, everything felt perfect. Everything within her felt whole at last.</p><p> </p><p>When their kiss broke, Ben smiled and Rey’s breath froze in her chest. Her heart did a funny little leap. Never had she seen something as beautiful as Ben Solo smiling. His eyes crinkled and his cheeks dimpled. It was so open and genuine and <em>happy</em>.</p><p> </p><p>For the first time since Rey had met Ben Solo, he was actually happy. And it was all because of <em>her</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Then it ended.</p><p> </p><p>Ben collapsed and Rey watched helplessly while her future faded into oblivion as Ben disappeared. The perfect happiness was gone and had been replaced by unimaginable heartache and emptiness. The anguish of his loss and the grief that came with it threatened to drown her. The loneliness that followed was far worse that what she had suffered for the twelve years of self imposed imprisonment on Jakku. But she held it together briefly. She had been in shock at his sudden loss, after all...</p><p> </p><p>Ben stirred and Rey was shaken from her thoughts. She touched him again, to make sure that he was really there and was not just an apparition. Her hands felt his solid, warm body beside hers and she found that perfect peace she had felt on Exegol with him once more. She felt her body relax into that peace, relieved to be feeling it again.</p><p> </p><p>After their fight, Rey was determined to bring that peace she felt between them back permanently. It nearly killed her to know that Ben didn’t believe that she actually wanted to be with him, but it only served to fuel her focus on accomplishing her goal. Rey was nothing if not determined.</p><p> </p><p>Ben clearly suffered through a lot throughout his life. She wondered how much of it was due to Snoke. She knew that she needed to understand more if his story if she wanted him to open up to her. She really wanted to understand why the mere idea of someone loving him was impossible in his mind. Rey wondered if he trusted her enough to let him in. She hoped he did.</p><p> </p><p>She had to believe that he felt as strongly for her as she did for him. Anything else didn’t make sense. Why else would he give his life to her?</p><p> </p><p>Aside from that, she knew what she saw in his eyes. She knew what she felt over their bond. Nothing else made sense. He had to feel the same way.</p><p> </p><p>No matter what he said or what she feared he might say in the future, she had to hold to those feelings that she’d sensed in him.</p><p> </p><p>Would he try to push her away? Would he hold himself at a distance and wait for her to lose interest? Anything he planned to do would be in vain. Rey didn’t give up easily—especially when the Force delivered her a second chance to be with a man she never thought she could be with in the first place.</p><p> </p><p>And she knew that he was worth it. He was worth every struggle, every tear, and every ounce of pain that came with the future she longed to have with him. And she would make sure that he knew that before the end.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You’re worth it, Ben Solo. You’re worth more than anything else in the entire galaxy to me.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Rey leaned in and kissed his cheek softly, no longer able to resist his pull on her.</p><p> </p><p>She wanted to whisper those sacred words that showed the depth of her feelings to him but knew now was not the time. Instead, she settled against his chest, gratefully listening to his very real heartbeat and finally let sleep claim her.</p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. A New Day</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Surprise! An early update with another chapter to be posted on Tuesday. </p><p>I struggled really hard with writing chapter fourteen. Like I just could not get into it. It took me a solid week just to write eight pages. But then I finished it on Friday and wrote eight pages of fifteen in like twelve hours and I just had to celebrate. So here you go!</p><p>Here we get to see our pair start to get to know each other as regular people. I really like these upcoming chapters. They are just so soft for each other!</p><p>If you enjoy the story, please let me know! Comment, subscribe, leave kudos. Your feedback really helps us authors out!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>CHAPTER SEVEN: A New Day</p><p> </p><p>Rey woke up, eyes still tired, to sore muscles and a pounding headache. She knew at once that the headache was caused by dehydration, so she rolled over to grab the canteen that she always had placed on the ground next to the bunk. She took several long draughts, enjoying the pleasant coolness of the water as it trickled down her throat.</p><p> </p><p>Something tickled the back of her groggy mind, trying to push its way to the front.</p><p> </p><p><em>Ben</em>, she remembered suddenly.</p><p> </p><p>She sat up with a start. Where was Ben? She turned her head to find his sleeping form. The bunk was empty. She searched the bunk where he started the night. It was empty too. A quick look around the crew quarters told her that it too was empty. Rey’s palms started sweating as anxiety washed over her while her stomach twisted into knots.</p><p> </p><p>He was gone. Where could he be? Was it all a dream, as she had feared? Had she gone through some elaborate delusion?</p><p> </p><p>She tried to force some calming breaths into her lungs while looking around the room once more. She began to relax as she noticed little evidences of Ben’s presence, like the rumpled bunk he began the night in.</p><p> </p><p>In her blind panic, she had failed to look closely. Rey felt her rigid muscles begin to loosen as she started to feel more reassured that she hadn’t imagined the whole thing. She reached out to touch on Ben’s presence through their bond. Her eyes opened a moment later. He was nearby. She released the breath she hadn’t realized she was holding.</p><p> </p><p>As she sighed, Rey realized something extraordinary. Last night was the first time she hadn’t been plagued by nightmares of Exegol. Or any of her old standby nightmares. She couldn’t believe it.</p><p> </p><p>Rey stood and winced as her muscles protested, angry at what they endured yesterday during her sprint through the island’s mountainous terrain. She forced her stiff limbs to move and she slowly made her way out of the crew quarters, listening carefully for signs of Ben.</p><p> </p><p>The anxiety had vanished upon realizing Ben was near, but now the odd sensation of nervousness danced through her limbs for the very same reason. She was nervous to be around him after last night.</p><p> </p><p>Not because she was scared of him, but because she feared that her plans to prove her feelings for him would fail. He was deep in denial about it and she didn’t know if she could break through to him. The feelings of determination she discovered were still inside her, but now they were tinged with self-doubt.</p><p> </p><p>What if he was so messed up that she couldn’t get through to him?</p><p> </p><p>Rey walked through the corridors of the <em>Falcon. </em>There was no sign of him in the main hold or in the cockpit. Rey frowned, of all the places on the ship, she thought those were the most likely candidates.</p><p> </p><p><em>That must mean that he’s outside</em>, she decided as she made her way to the main corridor toward the boarding ramp. The ramp was down and Rey could hear the surf crashing against the rocky shore nearby. Weak morning light made its way into the <em>Falcon</em>, giving her an idea of just how early it was.</p><p> </p><p>She descended out of the old ship and stopped short.</p><p> </p><p>Ben stood under the eaves of the <em>Millennium Falcon</em>, arms relaxed by his sides. He was staring out over the ocean. He had changed his clothes. No longer in the Jedi robes she had found him in, he was now wearing his reclaimed black pants and a white shirt.</p><p> </p><p>She quickly noticed that he had found his black boots as well. The shirt he wore was one of Han’s old ones and it pulled tightly across his broad shoulders, a little too small for Ben. He rolled the sleeves up and left the top buttons undone to alleviate some the tightness of the shirt. Rey stared at him thinking to herself how fantastic he looked in that outfit. He certainly can cut a dashing figure, she thought to herself as she made her way over to him.</p><p> </p><p>Rey stopped by his side and glanced subtly toward him, feeling a bashful blush come on. It was annoying that she felt shy to begin with.</p><p> </p><p>Ben stared out into the churning depths of the sea, clearly lost in deep thought. His brows were drawn in and he had dark circles under his eyes. After the night they had, she was not surprised.</p><p> </p><p>With Ben so lost in thought, Rey decided that it was not a wise idea to grab his hand, so instead she called his name out in a soft voice, praying that she wouldn’t startle him.</p><p> </p><p>Nothing happened, so she called his name a little more loudly.</p><p> </p><p>His chest rose in a deep intake of air and he blinked, coming back to himself before looking down at her. His eyes told her what was going on.</p><p> </p><p>The anguish and heavy guilt that shone through so prominently last night were still there, though dulled slightly with time. It killed Rey to see that awful expression on Ben’s face. He looked so lost—so hopeless and very broken. Rey bit her lip in concern as she watched him try to mask the pain in his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben,” she started tentatively, taking his large hand in hers. Would he open up to her or shut her out? “You saw something last night, didn’t you? Something awful.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben Solo closed his eyes tightly, looked away and remained silent. Her heart sank a little as she got her answer. He was going to shut down. But she wasn’t quite ready to back down yet. “Please Ben, I want to help you. Just tell me what to do,” she urged him, almost begging.</p><p> </p><p>Ben pulled his hand out of hers and took a small step away, turning his back on her. It physically hurt her as he pulled away. She blinked through the tears that burned in her eyes. She wasn’t going to give up that easily. The first step was earning enough trust for him to confide in her. He had done that once before on a stormy night on this very island. He could do it again, she knew that he could. Rey waited in silence, hoping for something more to work with. Head bowed, he finally spoke up.</p><p> </p><p>“There isn’t anything you can do to help me Rey…” he eventually said, tone heavy with finality.</p><p> </p><p><em>He is wrong</em>. She could help him. Rey shook her head, not accepting what she heard and touched his back tentatively. Ben stiffened but did not move away from her this time. She took that as a sign of progress and tried once more.</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t know that.” Her hand tried rubbing his back soothingly, but he stiffened further and she dropped her hand, trying not to feel the sting of rejection. She persisted any way, “If you only told me what you saw, I might be able to help.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben scoffed and turned his deep amber eyes on her, “You can’t help me Rey. No one can. Not with this.” Rey flinched and felt a tear break free of her lashes. She stubbornly wiped at it, trying to hide the evidence of her heartbreak.</p><p> </p><p>His eyes softened just the smallest bit as he watched and stepped closer to her. Her spirits cautiously lifted as he neared.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry, Rey. This just isn’t something that can be helped. It's something that I have to live with,” he stressed softly, basically pleading for her to drop it.</p><p> </p><p>“Just let it go.” The turmoil within him was palpable. Every inch of him screamed pain and all she wanted to do was take his hand and soothe it away. After a moment, he continued more gently, “The best thing you can do for me is to just be here.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey frowned, unable to help herself. This wasn’t what she hoped for. Not at all. She wanted to rush in and fight all of his demons away, not stand by as support…</p><p> </p><p>“I—I just want—“ Rey stuttered and stopped herself from arguing, understanding dawning like the binary suns that had just crested over the horizon. The imagery of her fighting off his inner demons with her bare hands almost comical. Of course this wasn’t something she could fix for him.</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s problems weren’t something she could just solve for him—she couldn’t declare him fixed anymore than she could tell him what he had done during his First Order years was okay.</p><p> </p><p>Her shoulders drooped, finally realizing that he was right. She couldn’t help him. This was something he needed to deal with on his own.</p><p> </p><p>If she pushed any harder, he might close off and refuse to trust her at all in the future. What was most important was for her to just be there for him as he asked. And to show him that he could trust and rely on her.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay,” she finally relented, not feeling any better after the exchange. But at least she knew what to do going forward.</p><p> </p><p>Rey realized with chagrin that this must be how Poe and Finn had felt while dealing with her over the past month. She made a mental note to apologize to them next time they were together.</p><p> </p><p>Still…she needed him to know.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben, I’m always here for you,” she promised. “If you decide you want to talk about it, I’ll be there to listen.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben nodded with a small, sad smile that didn’t quite touch his eyes. “I know you will.”</p><p> </p><p>Her heart cracked a little more at his words but mostly from the expression on his face.</p><p> </p><p>They fell into a deep silence. She could feel Ben’s jagged Force signature trying and failing to come under control. He was trying to hide it from her now, she registered sadly.</p><p> </p><p>Rey also understood that he needed a change in topic. So she grabbed his warm hand and pulled him out from under the brisk shade of the <em>Millennium Falcon</em> and into the light of the warming suns. They both looked out over the rolling ocean waves in silence for a while longer.</p><p> </p><p>The birds called songs out to each other and the insects clicked their own interruptions. She tried to soothe away her own doubts and fears as she listened to their environment. The rhythmic sound of the waves soothed the worries out of Rey and she soon closed her eyes against the bright light and cool spray of the sea, smiling at how the minuscule droplets tickled her face. Wave by wave, she felt some semblance of inner peace return to her.</p><p> </p><p>When she at last opened her eyes, she noticed Ben watching her with an odd expression on his face. The swirling depths of that gripping anguish were still there, but it seemed to have been pushed back and had been replaced with something tender for the time being.</p><p> </p><p>It was amazing how he was able to lock such pain away. Something in the back of her mind told her that it wasn’t healthy for him to do this, but after experiencing his pain first hand last night, she didn’t want to ruin the change by forcing the matter again. Ben needed the distraction.</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s eyes captured hers and held them with their deep magnetism.</p><p> </p><p>“You are so beautiful,” he murmured softly—almost shyly.</p><p> </p><p>Rey ducked her head down and blushed heavily, not sure how to react. No one had told her she was beautiful before and it felt so odd hearing someone say it, especially so sincerely. Especially coming from <em>him</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Could he hear her heart? She was certain it was broadcasting its rhythm as though it were projecting to a hypertransciever.</p><p> </p><p>“I…uh, thanks?” she stammered, blushing down at the their feet. Ben thought she was beautiful? Something inside stirred in pleasure at the thought of Ben Solo thinking that <em>she</em>, Rey, a scrawny scavenger from Jakku, was beautiful.</p><p> </p><p>Her heart skipped a few beats even as she processed the implications of his confession.</p><p> </p><p>If he could openly tell her this, then maybe he would be open to her connecting with him like she desperately desired, like she knew they were meant to. She tried to bite back the thrill she felt rising at what the day might hold.</p><p> </p><p>Her expression must have still portrayed her confused embarrassment because Ben chuckled and the tension from earlier seemed to fully dissipate with the light sound. “No one has ever said that to you before, have they?” he guessed with a suppressed smile.</p><p> </p><p>“Nope… Not many prospects for romance on Jakku.” Rey joked back, recovering enough to smile brightly at Ben. She still couldn’t believe that he thought she was—</p><p> </p><p>“Well,” he returned, interrupting her thoughts with an adorable blush of his own, “You are. Beautiful, I mean.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt her insides go mushy. He really did think she was beautiful. Her chest tightened happily and she felt as though she could burst. His compliment did something funny to her head and heart and without thinking; she reached up on her toes for a kiss but thought better of it at the last second.</p><p> </p><p>She knew that she needed to take things slow. Instead of taking his lips, she turned her mouth to plant a soft kiss on his cheek. Ben seemed to notice the altered course but thankfully didn’t pull away from her. The simple contact between them almost set her trembling.</p><p> </p><p>Rey regretted her decision to not kiss him fully as his warm breath shuddered against her lips when she pulled away. She stopped and lingered, unwilling to pull completely away just yet. She closed her eyes to fight the urge to capture his lips with her own.</p><p> </p><p>The tension she felt didn’t release. She had to bite down on the inside of her cheeks to prevent herself from kissing him. Rey felt her breathing go uneven and hoped that Ben didn’t notice anything. She wondered if he felt the tension too.</p><p> </p><p>Instead, they rested their foreheads together for a peaceful moment before he pulled away and looked to the <em>Falcon</em>. “Well then,” he said as he cleared his throat awkwardly, his breathing uneven as well.</p><p> </p><p>Rey decided that he definitely felt the tension too. He seemed just as affected as she felt, his face flushed, lips parted. She looked down and let her hair cover her face to hide the little smile that played on her lips. “What is the plan for today? What sorts of activities did you do when you lived here?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey shook her hair from her eyes and looked up, thoughtful. She would be happy to simply sit on the hard rock being sprayed by seawater all day if it meant she would spend the day with Ben, but there were probably better things to do.</p><p> </p><p>“Well,” she said slowly, thinking on what she would have liked to do when she was here with Luke, “I spent the vast majority of my time pestering a cantankerous old Jedi into training me, so I’m not exactly an expert on recreational activities here.” Her eyes wandered the silhouette of the mountainous island, an idea forming. “But I know of some beautiful spots we might enjoy seeing.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben nodded, following her gaze up the mountain.</p><p> </p><p>The idea that occurred to her quickly solidified and she grinned up at Ben in excitement, “I once saw a shallow cove that looked ideal for swimming. It’s a bit of a hike, but maybe we could get some food and then spend the day there?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben startled and then stared at her for a moment before narrowing his eyes skeptically. “Rey, you grew up on a desert planet. Can you even swim?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey scowled at him. She couldn’t swim, but how hard could it be to learn? She was a Jedi after all. Couldn’t she just use the Force somehow to figure it out?</p><p> </p><p>Ben simply raised an eyebrow, understanding the scowl’s purpose easily. May he’d even heard her thoughts…</p><p> </p><p>Rey changed tactics and blinked at him innocently, willing him to say yes to her idea. The innocent, naïve orphan girl act worked successfully relatively often when used on the right being. She hadn’t used it in years. She typically saved it for bleeding heart out-worlders during her scavenger days on Jakku. The act had given her more food than she would have dared to dream for under Plutt. Maybe it would work on the handsome man before her as well.</p><p> </p><p>“You can’t swim,” Ben stated as exasperation rippled off him like waves as he crossed his arms over his chest.</p><p> </p><p>He wasn’t buying it, <em>drat.</em></p><p> </p><p>Rey’s shoulders dropped and she rolled her eyes, losing the act at once. “Well, no, I haven’t had the opportunity to learn. But I’m sure I could figure it out if I tried,” she reasoned hopefully.</p><p>Ben groaned and smacked his head, not believing that Rey could be so naïve. She would have been offended if she didn’t want to learn so badly.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey…” was all he said with a warning.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh come on Ben,” she pleaded with him, “I wanted to go out there on my own but I never had the chance. And now you can come with me. It will be fun!”</p><p> </p><p>“And its good that you didn’t get to,” he refuted stubbornly, his eyes darkening. Rey recognized that determined look. It was a Leia Organa classic. “An unknown sea with who knows what sorts of dangerous predators out their lurking and waiting for stupid prey to wander into their territory.” He motioned outwards in a sarcastic gesture, “Oh. And lets not forget to mention that one of them can’t swim!”</p><p> </p><p>“Ah-ha! So you <em>can</em> teach me!” she crowed. She smiled smugly; he admitted he knew how to swim. She was so going to win this one.</p><p> </p><p>It was amusing to see Ben Solo, former First Order Supreme Leader, acting so protective over her. <em>It’s cute</em>, she decided with a fluttery grin.</p><p> </p><p>Ben paused and glanced down at her suddenly as if realizing he’d fallen into her trap, “I didn’t say anything—“</p><p> </p><p>“You said that ‘<em>only one of them can swim’</em>, which means that <em>you</em> know how.” She grinned up at him sweetly.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben, it will be fine. You can teach me how to swim and I promise that I will be careful. Okay?” Rey gazed up at him adamantly, cursing that he was so tall and she was so short comparatively. She squared her shoulders and held his eyes defiantly.</p><p> </p><p>Ben huffed in annoyance but finally gave in, then surprised her by smiling slightly, as though privy to some secret joke. “Fine. Okay, but I need you to listen to me. If I get uncomfortable with what you’re doing out there in the water, I need you to do what I say. Oceans are dangerous. Especially when we don’t know about what’s out there.”</p><p> </p><p>He was also cute when he was annoyed, she thought, adding to a mental list of things that were adorable about Ben Solo.</p><p> </p><p>Rey grinned widely, excited that Ben agreed to her idea and that she was finally going to learn how to swim. “Okay, I promise.” She had to stop herself from bouncing on the balls of her feet. No need to rub her victory in.</p><p> </p><p>He nodded in defeat, accepting her promise.</p><p> </p><p>“So, shall we get ready then?” she asked him happily.</p><p> </p><p>Her stomach growled and Ben’s grin soon matched Rey’s. “Maybe we should eat something first?” he suggested with a smirk.</p><p> </p><p>Rey simply nodded in assent and nearly skipped back to the ship with Ben following somewhat reluctantly behind.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Swimming Lessons Part: 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Guys. I am so excited to post the next few chapters! They are just so fluffy. I love them. </p><p>As always, comments and kudos are very appreciated! </p><p>I hope that you all enjoy this one. </p><p>I honestly think this chapter is so precious.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>CHAPTER EIGHT: Swimming Lessons Part: 1</p><p> </p><p>A short time later, Rey watched Ben climb up the weathered stone steps ahead of her, admiring him from behind. He carried her satchel for her, a fact that still shocked Rey even thirty minutes after setting out from the <em>Falcon</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Once they had left the ship, Rey began plodding off with her bag, full of water canteens, rations and a blanket when she felt Ben’s hand close around her arm, stopping her in her tracks. The contact sent sparks through her and she froze.</p><p> </p><p>“What do you think you are doing?” He asked her, his brow raised in disapproval as he eyed her satchel.</p><p> </p><p>Confused, Rey asked him what he meant.</p><p> </p><p>Ben blinked, as though he couldn’t comprehend why she didn’t understand why he wanted her satchel. He almost had the gall to sound exasperated as he explained it to her. <em>Almost</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“As someone raised in high society, there is no way I can let you carry your bag all the way to your mysterious beach, when I, a gentleman, am perfectly capable of carrying it for you. Hand it over.” He held out his hand expectantly.</p><p> </p><p>Rey snorted, “High society?” <em>He can’t be serious</em>, she thought as she tried to keep the laughter at bay.</p><p> </p><p>By his expression, she could tell he was being perfectly serious and she didn’t want to risk offending the <em>gentleman</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“My mother was a princess and then a senator for the New Republic, my Father was a general—well he was for a brief time anyway... You know that already. So yeah, I was raised a certain way.”</p><p> </p><p>She laughed this time; amused that Ben was missing the point. “Of course I know that, that’s not why I’m laughing at you.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben frowned in annoyance. Now he was the lost one. “Laughing at me? What did I say?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey shrugged a flippant shoulder, “I just thought it was funny that you mentioned your upper class back ground at all. Do you have any idea how pretentious that sounds?” She bit back a wry smile as she watched him gape at her.</p><p> </p><p>Then she paused for a moment, thinking more about his mannerisms. It was true that he did carry himself in a way that screamed nobility. Always straight backed and measured, assured steps. Elegant. But she never thought of him that way. Instead, he reminded her of a warrior.</p><p> </p><p>Before she could stop herself, she said what was on her mind. “You’ve never struck me as the high society type, you know, being an ex baddie and all. But you’re right, you do have the airs of an aristocrat.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben glowered a bit, “I do <em>not</em> have <em>airs of an aristocrat,</em>” he retorted vehemently, “My apologies, but it’s always struck me as good manners to carry the bag of the girl you’re sweet on.”</p><p> </p><p>His words did all sorts of funny things to her insides, but the hilarity of how he said it was too much. This time Rey doubled over cackling, tears of mirth pricking in her eyes. Did he realize how much of Han was in him?</p><p> </p><p>Now Ben was openly glaring at her. <em>Oh boy, I might be in trouble,</em> she thought through her laughter.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry!” she cried, trying to stifle the fits. Ben stared down at her thunderously, arms crossed and Rey lost it all over again. She was wounding his masculine pride, which made her laugh even harder at the absurdity of it all. “I’m sorry,” she gasped, this time getting a hold of herself. Another giggle. “Its just, Ben, I love that you said ‘<em>girl that you’re sweet on</em>.’” Rey giggled.</p><p> </p><p>Ben was clearly affronted and was about to say something probably wounded when Rey held up her hand and tried to explain again.</p><p> </p><p>“Its something I never would have thought to hear coming out of your mouth. Kylo Ren was far too angry to ever say something so endearing.” It was certainly something Ben Solo could say though, she supposed.</p><p> </p><p>Her lips quirked up, giddy that he inadvertently admitted he was interested in her. She already knew that of course, but it was so gratifying to hear.</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s face relaxed and broke out in an embarrassed grin. “Truthfully,” he started, “its not something that I ever envisioned myself saying. But I am. Sweet on you, that is.” He ducked his great head and focused his sight on something to her left.</p><p> </p><p>Rey couldn’t resist what her heart was urging her to do. She walked to where he stood and went up on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek again.</p><p> </p><p>“I think I’m pretty sweet on you too,” she breathed in his ear and then pulled away, nervous that her confession would trigger something in him. Instead, Ben’s face went blank and his cheeks went rosy.</p><p> </p><p>She had to contain a sigh of relief that threatened to burst out of her chest. He wasn’t arguing with her over her feelings this time. He even blushed! She was grateful. <em>Good</em>, she thought, <em>he was telling me the truth when he agreed to let me prove it to him. </em></p><p> </p><p>Rather than let him see her relief, she spun on her toe and strode off purposefully, glancing back only to hold her bag out to him. “So are you going to take it or not?” she asked him, raising an eyebrow.</p><p> </p><p>Ben sped up to her and cautiously lifted the bag out of her waiting hand; though his eyes were alight in mischief and then walked ahead of her.</p><p> </p><p>She grinned and followed after him. He would stop when he realized he didn’t know where they were going.</p><p> </p><p>Those thirty minutes passed and Ben still hadn’t stopped. Luckily they still had a ways to go before the path split off from the main stairway, so she let him stay ahead. She itched to start talking with him though.</p><p> </p><p>Ben was right when he said that they didn’t really know much about each other. It was an odd realization. Rey knew his mind almost as well as she knew her own but didn’t actually know anything about him other than the bare basics. She resolved to start changing that immediately.</p><p> </p><p>“So when did you learn how to swim?” Rey asked Ben as they hiked up the weathered stone steps.</p><p> </p><p>He paused and looked at her over his shoulder curiously before answering her.</p><p> </p><p>“I learned when I was a young boy. On my homeworld, Chandrila.” He stopped to think for a second before continuing, “My parents weren’t home very often and they wanted me to be social with other people, so I was put in daily lessons and then once I was good enough, straight into a swim club with all of the other lonely senator children among other things like dance lessons and the Young Senators Association and lots of schooling of course.” Rey felt the sadness in his voice and began to feel slightly guilty for making him reflect on his less than ideal childhood. She remembered the isolated loneliness she felt in him that night in the hut.</p><p> </p><p>“We would spend a lot of time in the sea that ran against Hanna City.” Ben’s gaze was lost in remembrance.</p><p> </p><p>Rey tried to lighten the mood by interjecting an, “Oh perfect!” lightheartedly. “Then you’re certainly qualified to keep me from drowning.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben snorted and started up their path again, “It’s been about twenty years since I swam last. I wouldn’t bet on your safety just yet.”</p><p> </p><p>“Still more recent than me,” she retorted. In response, all she got was a thoughtful nod. He was withdrawing into himself.</p><p> </p><p>“Tell me more about your childhood?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s eyes squinted, “Well what do you want to know?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey shrugged, “Oh anything you’re willing to share, I suppose. I don’t know anything about you and I want to know everything.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben paused and let her catch up to him. “Mine isn’t exactly a happy childhood, Rey,” he told her seriously.</p><p> </p><p>“I know…mine wasn’t either from what I can remember. So if it makes you uncomfortable, just don’t share it.”</p><p> </p><p>He nodded, agreeing to her terms. “Well, I guess I spent a lot time with droids. Like I said before, my parents were usually gone. We had a nanny droid, Elsie. He was my closest companion for a long time.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey loved droids. “Tell me more about him!”</p><p> </p><p>“He was a good droid. Really cared about my family. Kind of clumsy,” he smiled in memory. “One time when I was about eight or nine, he was trying to serve some refreshments to my mother and some visiting dignitaries on the terrace and accidentally dumped an entire pitcher of iced caf all over a particular senator I didn’t care much for. Sometimes, I like to think he did it on purpose. He always was a bit protective over me…”</p><p> </p><p>Rey could feel the sad wistfulness radiating off of Ben. “That’s so sweet, Ben. What of your friends? Did you have many friends?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben shook his head shortly, not saying anything else.</p><p> </p><p>He slowed and turned to face her this time, “I just realized I don’t know where I’m going,” he gestured for Rey to take the lead, “Care to show me?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s lips quirked up despite feeling saddened by the limited insight he’d given on his life. “Sure.” she said, moving past him and led him down the first fork in their path.</p><p> </p><p>They began walking up side by side. The long reed grass swayed in the balmy breeze and insects chirped cacophonous tunes, only pausing when the two humans passed nearby. Soon they would be halfway up the island’s main mountain and would turn right at the next saddle before descending back down toward the only sandy shore there.</p><p> </p><p>Ben was silent. Rey could feel his emotions churning within him and understood that he was still stewing over the nightmare from last night again. She could sense his unease and the guilt again. She worried that the dream had unlocked something in him.</p><p> </p><p>In fact she was almost entirely certain it had unlocked something.</p><p> </p><p>He wasn’t acting the way he had when they reunited yesterday. She could tell he was trying to act happy for her sake, but hints of despair peeked through now and then. Rey could see it in the way he held himself and in the tightness of his eyes when he thought she wasn’t looking. She resolved to see that he keep his mind far away from the negative emotions she could feel within him and hoped that would help him. Maybe with some time, those negative emotions would die out and Ben could be at peace again.</p><p> </p><p>She would begin by keeping him talking.</p><p> </p><p>“So, You were born on Chandrila?” she asked him, glancing in his direction sidelong. The wind was pushing his hair back and somehow made him look even more handsome.</p><p> </p><p>He nodded, eyes clearing. “Yes, I spent my childhood years there.”</p><p> </p><p>“What was it like?”</p><p> </p><p>A thoughtful expression filled his face. “It’s a beautiful planet,” he began, “I lived in the capitol, Hanna City. It bordered the Silver Sea, where I spent a lot of time. The city itself is full of beautiful buildings and lots of parks. The sea was warm enough to swim in all year and was gentle.” His face suddenly turned sour, “The people there, however, are less than ideal.”</p><p> </p><p>“How do you mean?” Rey asked, amused.</p><p> </p><p>“Well,” Ben sighed and ruffled his hair, which drove Rey crazy in a good way, “It housed the New Republic for over ten years, so the people are a bit…” he trailed off, looking for the right word, “High minded? No, that’s not the right word…um, pompous.” A beat. “They’re insufferable there.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey laughed at this. “I wonder who taught you to feel that way?”</p><p> </p><p>“My dad clearly had some influence,” he replied, “but the kids I grew up with were just <em>awful</em>.” He grimaced as he recalled some of the children he knew, “Spoiled, entitled. Always playing mind games with each other. It was a relief in a small way when my mother sent me off to apprentice with my uncle…” His voice hardened at the mention of Luke Skywalker.</p><p> </p><p>Rey didn’t detect any sign of hatred when Ben brought up Luke, thankfully. Just bitterness. From his tone, he clearly still carried resentment for Luke Skywalker. But the hatred that had been so evident before was gone. It gave her comfort to witness more proof that Ben really had thrown off the mantle of the Dark Side. The relief washed over her and she relished in its peace.</p><p> </p><p>“So that’s why you didn’t have any friends.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben shrugged noncommittally and said no more.</p><p> </p><p>They came to the saddle and Rey led Ben to the right. Now their path turned downhill and was created from packed dirt and cobbles to line it. The grass grew wilder here, trying to cross the stones and eat up the pathway in some places.</p><p> </p><p>“What about you, Rey?” Ben asked her, “Do you remember anything about the world you were born onto?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey chewed her lip thoughtfully, trying to remember her earliest years when she was still with her parents. She remembered very little, but recounted what she could. The few memories were fuzzy—tenuous and insubstantial in her grasp.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know the name…” she trailed off hesitantly, earning a look from Ben. “I wasn’t very old when I left. What I do remember is that I lived inside a forest clearing. There were trees all around and our house was made of a wood that smelled of spice. It was quiet. No droids, nothing that comes standard with a industrialized planet.” She closed her eyes, imagining the tall, green trees, the kind people and the paddies of water that bordered wooden huts. Full of…purple fish? No that wasn’t the right color or creature… green krill? Blue?</p><p> </p><p>The people of the community she lived in farmed them and then sold them to the few ports the planet contained. “My parents felt safe there, I think. We lived in a village with krill farmers and…” she struggled to remember more. Her early memories were so fuzzy. “I want to go back,” she realized. “I need to go back.”</p><p> </p><p>Maybe those people would remember her. Remember her parents. She could get answers…see her childhood home, figure out what caused them to leave their safe haven. She could get <em>answers</em>. Her parent’s names, what they were like. The need to go back struck her heavily.</p><p> </p><p>“That sounds beautiful,” Ben responded softly, taking her hand in his. “We’ll find it, Rey. And once we do, I’ll take you there,” he promised her, his dark eyes searching her hazel ones. She knew that he meant it. He would take her there—she knew that he would take her anywhere.</p><p> </p><p>Rey squeezed his hand, overcome for a moment. She wanted to reach up and kiss him, but restrained herself. Instead, she looked down at her hand in his, noting how his seemed to swallow hers before replying, “Thank you, Ben.” Her smile was watery but grateful, her heart warmed deeply by his promise. He was <em>promising</em> for things in the future. She had to fight the stupid, giddy grin from crossing her face lest he see it and think her mad.</p><p> </p><p>Rey thought of the planet once more. Maybe they could stay there for a while if it was as isolated as she remembered, realizing that Ben would never be able to go anywhere with a population center in the New Republic. She noted that Ben seemed to realize it too as Ben smiled sadly and released her hand. Rey wished that he had held on longer. She watched him as he looked around the island and took in the beauty surrounding them.</p><p> </p><p>A question that should have occurred to her long before now finally pushed its way into the forefront of her mind, like a steel pecker breaking through the durasteel panels of an old TIE.</p><p> </p><p>What were they going to do? The thought made her uncomfortable. Ben would be recognized as Kylo Ren if they were to re-enter New Republic territory and would be charged as a war criminal. He would face trial and that trial would most likely condemn him to execution no matter what Rey had to say on his behalf. Rey felt her blood spike in fear as she thought on this.</p><p> </p><p>Under no circumstances could they go back to the New Republic.</p><p> </p><p>Perhaps the Outer Rim? There was less of a chance of Ben being recognized there, right? It was the place where criminals went where they didn’t want to be affected by the reach of government. But, she thought uncomfortably, bounty hunters might want to cash in on Ben if he were ever recognized.</p><p> </p><p>Her stomach turned. He wasn’t safe there either. But she knew next to nothing about the Unknown Regions. So it wasn’t like they could stay out here…</p><p> </p><p>And she would go with him. She couldn’t leave him now.</p><p> </p><p>Her heart twisted when she thought about leaving behind friends. And she would also have to give up her dream of training new generations of Jedi…</p><p> </p><p>The anxiety she felt must have shown on her face. When she pulled herself out of reflection, she noticed Ben watching her with concern.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey?” His baritone voice rumbled, worry coloring his tone, “Are you okay? I lost you there for a moment.” He felt her fear over the bond; she could see it in his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>She shook her head, trying to clear those feelings from her consciousness, “I’m sorry Ben, I got lost in a thought. Did you say something?”</p><p> </p><p>“I asked if that was the beach down there,” Ben said, pulling her forward to look at where he was pointing. He was letting her deflect, she noticed in surprise.</p><p> </p><p>Rey stepped next to him and sure enough, at the bottom of the cliff they stood on, was the beach Rey had been guiding them too. She forced a smile as she shoved the previous thoughts away into a dark spot in the back of her mind.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes! That’s it!” she exclaimed, feeling real excitement begin to replace the other feelings. “We’re almost there. Want to race down and see who can get there first?” she challenged.</p><p> </p><p>She still needed a moment to collect herself and knew that if she could get her heart pounding for a bit, all would be well again.</p><p> </p><p>Ben seemed to sense this and obliged silently, disguising his worried expression with a smirk. “There’s no way you’re going to beat me, little scavenger.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey took off and left Ben behind calling out, “We’ll see!”</p><p> </p><p>Rey laughed when she heard Ben’s yelp of indignation. She leapt from the path and started jogging off terrain. Her eyes searched ahead for the right spot to step so that she maintained a smooth gait.</p><p> </p><p>Pounding feet sounded close behind her. Ben had caught up to her, focusing his sights on the ground too.</p><p> </p><p>Rey growled and forced herself to run harder, now bounding down the steep hillside to gain a lead. Ben had his height as an advantage but Rey knew the terrain better than he did and she was nimble thanks to years scaling decomposing star destroyers. Still, it was a close race. She could feel Ben closing in on her again but she was mere steps away from the sand. Her leg muscles coiled in preparation to leap the last two meters but screamed in surprise as she felt two arms wrap around her and pull her tight against a broad chest.</p><p> </p><p>Ben and Rey crashed into the sand and lay there gasping for a moment before a low chuckle vibrated out of Ben’s chest, causing Rey to push up off of him and smack his chest lightly in lighthearted exasperation. That only served to make Ben laugh even harder.</p><p> </p><p>It was the most beautiful sound she had ever heard. It was raspy—like more air was coming out then actual laugh, but it was so perfectly him. Rey knew at once that his laugh was her favorite sound in the world.</p><p> </p><p>“You cheated!” she exclaimed. “I was going to win and you knocked me over!”</p><p> </p><p>Ben still lay on the sand laughing up at her, “You cheated too, Rey!” he countered, his eyes crinkled and happy.</p><p> </p><p>“I did not,” she lied, now smiling back at him. “I simply started the race without telling you.” She crossed her arms and looked down at him haughtily.</p><p> </p><p>Ben nestled his arms under his head and drawled his reply, “Then I didn’t cheat either.” He winked at her and Rey rolled her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Her dark haired companion lifted himself onto his elbows and inspected the beach with interest. The beach wasn’t extremely large but was sandy and the water seemed calmer than anywhere else on the island. Rey could admit that she didn’t know much about beaches, but she thought that this one was probably a nice one. There were some soft looking grassy patches on the left and to the far right; the blackened and mangled remains of Ben’s old TIE Whisper.</p><p> </p><p>Rey cursed. <em>Kriff!</em> She had completely forgotten about the fighter. She quickly began formulating a way to get Ben out of eyeshot of the destroyed ship, but cursed once more when she heard a stunned gasp erupt out of him.</p><p> </p><p>Ben leapt to his feet and stumbled a few steps toward his fighter’s remains before stopping, hands loose by his sides. It would have been comical if Rey had not felt so mortified over the situation. If it hadn’t been because of her.</p><p> </p><p>“Is…that…my ship?” Ben croaked in shock. Rey ducked her head and bit her lip. She never expected to feel bad about wrecking that nightmare of a ship.</p><p> </p><p>Now she felt extremely guilty as she watched Ben rake his hands through his hair in a way that only a Solo could over a lost ship.</p><p> </p><p>She coughed, and Ben whipped around, eyes wide and face paled. “What happened to my Whisper?”</p><p> </p><p>“I uh…well you see,” she tried to begin, feeling incredibly awkward and stupid, “After our battle on Kef Bir, I came here and wrecked your ship out of…anger? And I wasn’t really planning on ever leaving again. So…I didn’t really need it?”</p><p> </p><p>She looked up at him, guilt evident on her face, willing him to feel how sorry she was through their bond.</p><p>“Ben, I’m so sorry, I wasn’t thinking clearly and I acted irrationally. I also definitely didn’t think I would ever be on this beach with the fighter’s owner when I burnt it…”</p><p> </p><p>If it was possible, Ben’s mouth gaped even more widely. “You wrecked my ship and then <em>intentionally </em>burnt it?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey cringed and nodded. “I’m sorry Ben, truly I am.” Her face heated in shame as she watched him stare at the wreckage of his fighter.</p><p> </p><p>The dark haired man looked down at Rey and sighed in defeat, his features drawn but still somehow soft.</p><p> </p><p>“Its okay, Rey… I knew when you stole it that I probably wouldn’t be seeing it again…” He stepped back over to her and pulled her up. “I’m just shocked to see it here. In that condition.” He added with a grimace. “I’ll be fine, I just need a minute. To say goodbye to my ship…”</p><p> </p><p>Rey gulped and nodded silently. Ben stood and strode off the wreckage. She really felt awful. She tried to find somewhere else to look to give Ben privacy while he aimlessly meandered around the ruined TIE Whisper, occasionally touching the blackened metal as though saying goodbye to a lost lover.</p><p> </p><p>Deciding it was too private to watch, Rey turned away. She set to finding a spot for them to spend the day, examining the grassy patches closely. There was a spot a little further down the beach where the grass looked lush and soft, so she made her way down to it and set the bag down. She bent over and pulled the blanket out and sat down, watching birds in the distance circle and dive into the water.</p><p> </p><p>After all of the setbacks they’d experienced, Rey had to wonder if the day trip to the beach was ruined. Her spirits were low after Ben’s discovery of his wrecked TIE fighter and she was certain his were too. She couldn’t blame him. If she were to have a ship of her own, she would be upset over its demise too. Her fingers drew lines in the powdery gray sand to release the nerves she felt. She kept her eyes forward and waited for him to come back.</p><p> </p><p>After a time, Rey heard the soft shifting hiss of sand and finally looked back. Ben was making his way over and looked surprisingly fine. Rey suppressed a relieved sigh and stood to greet him. When they met, Ben gave her a small smile and opened his mouth to speak as Rey was apologizing again.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben, I’m—“ She cut off.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey, its okay,” He said speaking over her. “I just needed a moment to say goodbye. I’m fine now. Let’s enjoy our day, alright?”</p><p> </p><p>Her head rapidly bobbed in agreement and she went to him, ducking into his chest. His arms circled around her and squeezed before pulling her away with a new smirk.</p><p> </p><p>“Now I believe I was coerced into giving some one swimming lessons?” His dark eyes sparkled with amusement and Rey couldn’t hide her excitement.</p><p> </p><p>“Lets do it.”</p><p> </p><p>He nodded and stepped back from her, suddenly awkward. “Right, well then,” he enunciated. “We should probably strip down.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey balked and her arms shot up to cover her chest. “What?” she stammered, “You mean like—naked?” Rey’s mind raced. Despite what almost transpired between the two of them last night, Rey was not ready for Ben to see her in the nude yet.</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s face paled then turned bright red and he waved his hands in front of him frantically. “No! Not what I meant!”</p><p> </p><p>Rey fought a laugh that she his behind her hand, enjoying the way he floundered in these situations. <em>He seemed to do this a lot</em>, she thought. That’s the second or third time in less than twenty-four hours that he’s unintentionally said something suggestive.</p><p> </p><p>The thought of menacing Kylo Ren blushing his way through unintentional innuendos was so ludicrous that it only served as further proof that Ben was a changed man in many ways.</p><p> </p><p>He sputtered for a moment, “I meant you should dress down to your under…things and I will do the same.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh…” Rey rubbed the back of her head. That still wasn’t really any less awkward. “Okay.”</p><p> </p><p>They regarded each other for a moment, the atmosphere filled with uneasy tension.</p><p> </p><p>“Well I’m not going to undress with you staring at me!” Rey finally blustered at Ben, breaking said tension. Ben jumped and flipped around facing the opposite direction.</p><p> </p><p>“Right,” he called over his shoulder, “Sorry!”</p><p> </p><p>Rey gulped and dropped her hands. Why was she so nervous to run around in her underwear with Ben? She should have known that people don’t just swim around fully dressed. It would be too bulky and probably very uncomfortable.</p><p> </p><p>Still, she hadn’t ever really thought of proper swimming protocol. It wasn’t like she needed to on Jakku. And it wasn’t as if she were ashamed of herself, she just felt a little embarrassed at having him see so much of her so soon. She breathed in deeply and resolved to strip her tunic off, then her leggings.</p><p> </p><p>When she turned around, Ben was still facing away from her, but was only wearing black skivvies that cut off at his upper thighs. Rey held her breath, intrigued by the imposing figure he cut. He was certainly something to behold.</p><p> </p><p>She had seen him stripped to the waist before and that had flustered her to no end. And that was before she was allowing <em>those</em> kinds of thoughts about him in her head.</p><p> </p><p>But now?</p><p> </p><p>How was she going to be able to focus on learning how to swim when he looked like <em>that</em>? He was a giant of a man. Nearly two meters tall and well built—a physique that proved he was a tried and true warrior. His muscles were tightly corded and basically bulging, begging for her to reach out and feel them. Rey gulped.</p><p> </p><p>The sight of him surfaced those odd feelings deep within her core that she was not accustomed to. Those feelings were waking more and more easily of late. Her stomach coiled and warmth spread deep there, heady and persistent.</p><p> </p><p>She continued to admire the planes of his body quietly. They were close enough that she was very tempted to reach out and feel his muscles. She withheld, realizing that it would be a creepy thing to do.</p><p> </p><p>Ben didn’t show any signs of turning around and she suddenly understood that he was waiting for her to tell him to turn around. <em>Right,</em> she thought to herself, blushing slightly.</p><p> </p><p>“You can turn around now,” she instructed, voice trembling slightly. She cursed her embarrassment.</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s shoulders squared, much like they had that night a year ago when they connected while he was half dressed, and he turned, taking her in. Rey felt his heated gaze burn over her and had to resist covering her chest, where his hungry eyes fell momentarily before hesitantly moving on. They regarded one another for a bit, before Ben cleared his throat and looked away, face pink.</p><p> </p><p>“We should get into the water now…” he trailed off and beckoned for her to follow him to the shoreline.</p><p> </p><p>Rey followed him, wondering why this felt so awkward. She had been inches away from giving herself to him last night—no sense of embarrassment or anything—and now she felt uncomfortable swimming in her underwear with the attractive man she felt incredibly strongly for.</p><p> </p><p>She shook her head, trying to make sense of it. Jakku had not been a place where she could afford something as trivial as physical intimacy. This was all so new to her. The heat, the craving…the desire to have more.</p><p> </p><p>They stopped right where the surf washed up the sand and Rey shot a shy glance up at Ben. Ben met her eyes and lifted a corner of his lips. He was unbelievably handsome with the briny wind blowing his dark hair back in ripples. She wanted to run her fingers through it.</p><p> </p><p>Rey was overcome with the desire to jump on him and kiss him until he was breathless. But she held back as she noticed that he was opening his mouth to speak. Oh kriff, she was in trouble.</p><p> </p><p>“So I was thinking first I should teach you how to float and then once I’m satisfied that you won’t sink and drown, I can teach you a basic stroke.” He gazed out at the water, searching for something and then pointed, “Do you see that churning section of water out there?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey followed his finger and nodded. Sure enough there was a cloudy section of water that remained even after the small waves passed.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s called an undertow.” Ben explained, “There weren’t many on Chandrila, but they were dangerous for inexperienced swimmers to venture out in. It’s a current that will try to pull you out further into the ocean and will tire you out if you fight it, so stay far away from it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay,” she agreed, starting to feel a bit nervous about this whole swimming business now. Ben noticed the look of concern and grabbed her hand.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not going to let anything happen to you out there, Rey,” he said earnestly with his enchanting amber eyes. “I promise.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey smiled, “I know you won’t. Lets go in.”</p><p> </p><p>She lifted her leg in a show of confidence and then stepped toward the foamy water, plunging her foot in and—screamed.</p><p> </p><p>“Its cold!” she yelled, backing up while trying to shake the disagreeable water off of her lower leg.</p><p> </p><p>Ben burst out laughing. “Its not that cold Rey. It’s colder than the Silver Sea, that’s for sure, but it’s definitely warm enough for us to swim in.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey glared at him for laughing at her. “I don’t think I want to learn anymore…”</p><p> </p><p>Ben rolled his eyes and made to grab her, but Rey deftly spun out of his grip and stopped a few paces away.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey, come on. You’re like the toughest person I know. It’s not that cold.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ben,” she whined, “It’s too cold.” She had goose bumps prickled all over her arms and chest. She wasn’t exactly keen on getting in that frigid water anymore—water that bit like a knife.</p><p> </p><p>Her companion edged toward her as though she were a wounded animal ready to bolt and she tensed, ready to dodge away if he tried to grab her again. She could take him. He might have size on his side, but she was faster and quicker on her feet. She’d have him flat on his perfect ass in no time.</p><p> </p><p>Ben clearly sensed her intentions. His eyes flashed briefly before he schooled his face into a dashingly crooked smile.</p><p> </p><p>He threw his hands up in surrender and she allowed him to come closer. “I just want to give you a hug,” Ben chimed too brightly, “You’re looking a little cold.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey narrowed her eyes suspiciously. How obvious could he be? He was clearly up to something. She decided to bite anyway. “Do you promise that you won’t toss me into those freezing depths?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben grinned impishly, “I promise I will not <em>toss</em> you,” was all he said before darting in and lifting her up bridal style. “Hold your breath!” He yelled as he began rushing them to the water. Rey’s protest was drowned out by her startled yelp and almost as soon as she started trying to writhe out of Ben’s strong arms, he whooped and they both crashed into the icy water.</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s chest burned with the cold. The water bit at her skin and pulled at her. It was a strange sensation being completely submerged. It was her first time.</p><p> </p><p>She broke out of the water, still held in her companion’s arms and sputtering curses while he boomed out another laugh. Ben set her down and she found herself standing in waist deep water that prickled and raised gooseflesh every where it dripped.</p><p> </p><p>“Gah!” she cried. “It is so cold!”</p><p> </p><p>Ben shrugged, unconcerned. “We’ll get used to it in pretty soon. Don’t worry.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey glared up at Ben, salt water stinging her eyes. “I told you not to throw me in the water.”</p><p> </p><p>He blinked at her innocently. “I didn’t. I jumped in with you in my arms.” He laughed again and protested when Rey splashed water in his face.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, you little—“ she shrieked when he returned the splash with a larger one.</p><p> </p><p>They volleyed back and forth at each other for a few moments, laughing and egging each other on. Eventually they settled and Rey declared she was adjusted to the water and ready to start learning.</p><p> </p><p>Ben pulled her toward him and they got to it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Extra points to whoever knows what Rey's mystery planet is! I feel like I made it kind of obvious...so I'm sure everyone knows. I just sort of imagined that it would be a safe and quiet place for her parents to hide away in, ya know?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Swimming Lessons: Part 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm thinking I might start updating on Sunday instead of Tuesday, but I'm not too sure yet. </p><p>Here is some more fluff and a bit of angst because who is Ben Solo without a bit of angst? </p><p>Let me know what you think in the comments below! Comments make me so happy. Like seriously, so happy.</p><p>I hope you enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>CHAPTER NINE: Swimming Lessons: Part 2</p><p> </p><p>Ben stood in a calmer section of the surf with Rey; his hands ready to correct her trajectory as needed. They had been in the water for a little over an hour and Ben was amazed at how quickly the woman before him learned new things.</p><p> </p><p>Rey was catching on to floating incredibly quickly and it filled Ben with so much pride. She was amazing. He had never known anyone so…capable.</p><p> </p><p>Though she did have the tendency to let her legs sink down, he noted. Once she got that sorted out, he was planning on teaching her a simple stroke and she would be able to swim. Based on the rate Rey had taken to floating, he expected to teach her in the next hour or two.</p><p> </p><p>It was so odd to him that one could reach adult years without knowing such a basic life skill. But he had spent his formative years along the coast and she had spent hers on stuck in a desert. Hers had not been an easy life and all at once he felt ashamed of the privilege he’d been born with. His life may have been difficult in its own right, but hers was much, much worse.</p><p> </p><p>Not for the first time and certainly not the last, Ben wished that he could have been there to take her away from that armpit of a planet. How different could things have been? He shook himself of the thought and returned to the task at hand.</p><p> </p><p>Currently Rey floated in the water with her eyes closed. She was breathing deeply, trying to concentrate on keeping her pelvis afloat but was not succeeding. Her legs sank down yet again and she rose, growling in frustration.</p><p> </p><p>“I just can’t keep my legs up,” she complained while glaring out over the beach, face twisted in a frustrated scowl. Ben smiled at the way she pursed her lips.</p><p> </p><p>She looked like a fierce ocean goddess with her golden skin dripping wet and her eyes full of fire. Her hair streamed water down her back and separated into thick, ropey strands, clinging to her long, elegant neck. She was absolutely stunning.</p><p> </p><p>“What am I doing wrong?” she finally asked him in exasperation.</p><p> </p><p>Ben shook his head clear of the imagery Rey inspired and tried to refocus on the lesson.</p><p> </p><p>“You aren’t doing anything majorly wrong, Rey.” He wiped a wet hand through his hair, making it stand on end and eliciting a giggle out of the lovely creature before him.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re actually progressing a lot faster than I expected,” he admitted. He wondered if Rey’s connection to the Force was assisting her in learning this new skill. She seemed to learn a lot in this exponential manner. Like how she had been able to best him in a duel on Starkiller with no exposure or training beforehand.</p><p> </p><p>Though as he thought on it, that was almost certainly due to their bond. Their amazing, baffling bond.</p><p> </p><p>He focused on her once more, “Here, lay back down and let me see if I can help,” he offered. Rey seemed to want to be done but begrudgingly obliged and was soon attempting to float again.</p><p> </p><p>This time she watched him curiously as he waded over to her side and examined her with a critical eye.</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s arms were relaxed and splayed out wide, moving languidly with the ocean’s currents. His eyes moved down her torso to her chest to make sure her lungs were fully expanded and rested on her navel.</p><p> </p><p>Ah! There was the first problem. He smiled to himself again. It was an easy fix. She was tightening her core as instructed, but she was way too tense. He tapped her lightly right above her belly button to remind her to breathe and relax. Reflexively, Rey sucked in a deep breath and seemed to rise a little bit. Good.</p><p> </p><p>Next, Ben moved down to her hips and spotted the other problem almost instantly. Her lower back was arched and that was angling her hips and legs downward. Ben moved to correct that.</p><p> </p><p>Then he hesitated. He would have to lift her butt up while pushing her pelvis down and he didn’t want to make Rey uncomfortable with the placement of his hands. Things tended to get awkward between them in that regard relatively quickly.</p><p> </p><p>Rey still watched him thoughtfully so he attempted to gesture what he needed to do. Her hazel eyes narrowed in confusion and then shrugged, indicating her permission. Her eyes closed lazily and Ben approached.</p><p> </p><p>First, he placed his hand on her rear and pushed up slightly, watching Rey’s reaction. Her brows lifted in surprise momentarily and shortly returned to their relaxed state. Then, while his right hand was pushing her up, his left hand went to the smooth expanse of skin between her hipbones and gently pressed down. A sharp intake of air sounded from Rey and her eyes flew open, cheeks immediately tinged pink.</p><p> </p><p>Ben quickly removed his hands and backed away. That was entirely too sexual.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Uh, Ben?</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Sorry!</em>
</p><p> </p><p>They could hear each other again? He mentally slapped himself for not thinking to try it before that fiasco. The bond. He could have used the bond to explain what he was doing. But of course he just had to make things more difficult.</p><p> </p><p>He was such a fool. Would Rey think he was coming on to her? Would she be upset at his touch? He had meant it innocently enough… But still.</p><p> </p><p>He honestly just hadn’t thought much about those sorts of things…like ever. He never thought about things in terms of how sexually they could be interpreted because he never thought about sex. Not for a long time at least. He had trained that desire away after having been told repeatedly that it was a weakness that needed to be excised. The training was proving ineffective with Rey. Those thoughts and feelings had been breaking through his carefully built barriers more and more when it came to her.</p><p> </p><p>He groaned internally. He was going to have to apologize yet again for his lack of thinking.</p><p> </p><p>Rey however…she recovered quickly and with his correction now floated properly. Rey’s lips quirked into a proud grin and she stayed there for a few minutes while Ben ruminated over how to apologize for his unintentional groping. While he went over excuses and apologies in his mind, Rey stood.</p><p> </p><p>She approached him with a triumphant grin.</p><p> </p><p>Ben stared open-mouthed, apologies forgotten as she waded over to him. He couldn’t help but notice once again how lovely she was. Her olive skin glimmered as the water ran down her limbs and her dark hair clung to her neck. Water droplets made Rey’s lashes sparkle and her eyes light up.</p><p> </p><p>He made the mistake of glancing down at her breasts. Her brassiere had a slight translucent cast to it that revealed everything. So he tried to keep his eyes averted to preserve her modesty and to prevent other…things… from happening. He failed. He quietly cursed the beautiful woman approaching him and promptly sat down to disguise his excitement.</p><p> </p><p>“I did it!” she exclaimed happily, not noticing his odd action. “Whatever it was that you did completely changed the way everything felt and it just made more sense afterward.” She nudged his shoulder with her hip playfully. “Did you see me?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben couldn’t hold back the groan. He wanted to grab her and kiss her senseless at the moment, not talk about the fact that she can now float unassisted. “Uh, yes,” he mumbled, eyes still averted. He was going to go blind staring up at the sun. Probably for the best.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes I did.” He closed his eyes after deciding blindness was not in his best interest and was trying to think of things that would kill the unfamiliar feeling in his genital area. <em>The odd looking Lanai matrons. Hux’s sneers. Hux’s voice. Anything Hux. Old man flab. Anything</em>, anything<em> to deflate the situation</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben?” Rey asked, confusion coloring the enchanting lilt of her voice. “Are you alright?” She seemed a little crestfallen. He slapped himself internally for not congratulating her for her amazing accomplishment.</p><p> </p><p>“Just a moment,” came his evasive reply. “Hey, maybe we should take a break and eat? That might be a good idea. I’m feeling pretty hungry now.” He was rambling.</p><p> </p><p>Her dark brows furrowed in befuddlement and she crossed her arms. Ben nearly sighed in relief.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re acting very strange…” she trailed off. She stepped tentatively toward him and held out her hand to help him stand up.</p><p> </p><p>Blast. No way out of this one without seeming even more bizarre. So that left two questions. Should he be honest and tell her about his erection that would be very apparent if he stood up or should he just sit there forever until the tides came in and washed him out to sea?</p><p> </p><p>Ben grit his teeth. He decided on honesty.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey…I’m in a bit of a situation,” he finally ground out. He was mortified. “I would really appreciate it if you would just go on ahead and I’ll follow you out when I’m good to go…”</p><p> </p><p>Her mouth dropped as she connected the dots and this time, a scarlet tinge flooded her cheeks. She glanced down unwillingly to the area where his hands covered the erection under water and blanched. “Yes, right away. Sorry!” and she all but sprinted out of the ocean and back up the sand to the blanket they had set on the grass above.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m really proud of you though!” he shouted after her as she got further and further away.</p><p> </p><p>Ben dropped his head back and groaned again. How many more times was he going to make an absolute fool of himself in front of this girl?</p><p> </p><p>After <em>that</em> embarrassing exchange, he was set to go sooner than anticipated and rather ashamedly wandered back over to their spot. He sat down, not really wanting to look at Rey. <em>You’re such an embarrassing fool</em>, he scolded himself.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you want to talk about it?” Rey asked shyly, her eyes averted over the crashing gray waves.</p><p> </p><p>Ben had enough pride left to feel absolutely affronted upon registering her question meant. “What? No. Why would we need to address <em>that</em>?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey shrugged slightly and fiddled with the hem of the tunic she was holding in front of herself. “I don’t know,” she admitted, “I honestly don’t know anything about this sort of stuff. I didn’t exactly have many prospects on Jakku, I already told you about that… I never really thought about it, honestly. I don’t know how these kinds of things work.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben snorted and instantly regretted it when it earned a glare from his companion, “Sorry,” he apologized. “It seemed like you knew enough about it last night.” He teased her and quirked a brow at her.</p><p> </p><p>Rey flushed again. He noted with amusement that it was very easy to make her blush. He enjoyed watching the color flood her cheeks and neck. It was cute. But then he noticed the way she stiffened and felt bad for thinking how cute she was when she was obviously upset.</p><p> </p><p>“I got carried away last night…sorry.” She said shortly and turned slightly away from him. Rey stared down dejectedly at her hands cupped in her lap. She was clearly ashamed. She shouldn’t be.</p><p> </p><p>Ben really felt bad for teasing her now, especially after he reacted so negatively to her intentions last night. He had been a total ass. And if he was being absolutely honest, he had been cruel to her. He was mortified over the way he treated her and wanted nothing more than to take it back regardless of whether or not he believed his perspective on the matter was the truth. Rey did not deserve to be treated like that. And he would never allow himself to treat her like that again.</p><p> </p><p>He still didn’t believe that anyone could possibly love him but he desperately wanted to. He wanted to believe her. Wanted to believe that she would be his forever. So he was trying to let her in. He wanted to help her understand why the concept was so impossible to him.</p><p> </p><p>But first, he really needed to apologize.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey, no…” he fumbled, “I’m the one who needs to apologize, not you.” Rey shot a quick glance up at him, confused but looked away once more after a moment, still upset.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry. I messed up last night. Badly. I was an asshole to you last night and I’m so sorry. I’m…not good at this…”</p><p> </p><p>Her hazel eyes furrowed and they met his. “Well you’re right, you were an asshole,” she snorted. “But I suppose I might be willing to forgive you if you tell me what meant by that? What aren’t you good at?” she asked softly.</p><p> </p><p>How did he explain it to her in a way that didn’t hurt?</p><p> </p><p>“I just mean…everything. I don’t know how to be…” he began and paused again, breathing in deeply and letting out a heavy sigh. How could he explain those feelings of worthlessness?</p><p> </p><p>“For as long as I can remember, I always had these voices in my head telling me that I was worthless. Telling me that I was unwanted, unloved, something to be feared—a monster. My parents were always too busy for me. Leia was trying to keep the doomed New Republic a float and my father…” he gulped painfully, “I always got the feeling that my father didn’t want to be around me because I was Force-sensitive.”</p><p> </p><p>Memories of Han repeatedly leaving a young Ben behind flooded his senses and half healed wounds felt like they were reopening. “I felt that my parents didn’t love me. And the voices? They told me I was right. The whispers told me that my mother feared me, that my father hated me…” Ben squeezed his eyes shut.</p><p> </p><p>“Eventually, I believed them,” he admitted in a small voice.</p><p> </p><p>“Once it became clear that I had no control over my powers, my mother sent me to Luke. I felt…abandoned… I felt that my parents didn’t want anything to do with me and the voices again told me my feelings were right.”</p><p> </p><p>Now that he started, he couldn’t stop telling Rey everything. Saying these things out loud was a release, like a lightening of the heavy burden he had bourn his whole life. “The voices continued to lead me to believe that no one wanted to be around me—that the students were scared of my power and that Luke was scared of me.” He remembered the look in Luke’s eyes that fateful night, his face glowing green in the light of his blade. “Then Luke came to kill me that night…and I knew I had no where else to go but to Snoke.”</p><p> </p><p>He heard Rey’s sharp intake of breath, but didn’t look at her. “I was about twenty-three and I was convinced I had no one. I didn’t believe that my parents loved me—didn’t think they would want me around and Luke? Well Luke had just tried to kill me…” he huffed a bitter, humorless laugh. “My supposed friends thought that I was a murderer…”</p><p> </p><p>“Everything I had experienced growing up confirmed what the voices told me. I was a monster. And no one loves monsters.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey gasped and in an instant, was in front of him and holding his face firmly, forcing him to look at her. “You. Are. Not. A. Monster.” She growled emphatically, her eyes searching his and willing him to believe her.</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s hands wrapped around hers and tugged them off of his cheeks. Instead of releasing them, he held them between his hands and savored their softness. He wasn’t accustomed to this dedication—this <em>belief</em> in him. It all seemed too impossible. How could it be real when all he knew his entire life was how unlovable he was?</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s eyes shone with tears as if she heard his line of thought and gripped at his hands. “Ben Solo, I want you to listen to me right now.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben had to fight to keep himself still as Rey drew closer. Her breath warmed the air between them. Their foreheads connected then and Rey held him there, willing her to feel her words. “Those voices were <em>wrong</em>. Your parents <em>loved </em>you. Maybe they weren’t the best parents, but they loved you. I know it because I’ve felt it. I’ve seen it. And Luke? Luke told me himself that of all the moments in his life, the moment he’s regretted the most was pulling his lightsaber on you. He was a fool—he made a mistake. But he loved you too.”</p><p> </p><p>The voices were gone, but the damage had long since been done. Logically Ben knew that Rey was right. He knew that his family loved him. He <em>did.</em> But scars went deep and scars didn’t heal easily. These scars wouldn’t heal easily.</p><p> </p><p>“Those voices have irreparably damaged me, Rey,” Ben answered tiredly. He just wanted her to understand why it was so hard for him to believe that she felt anything for him. He wanted to believe that she wouldn’t end up leaving him. But how could she love a monster?</p><p> </p><p>And despite what she said, he <em>was </em>a monster. Perhaps he hadn’t been a monster as he was led to believe growing up, but he became one. After all that he had done as the First Order’s enforcer, how could he not be one? Once she knew the extent of his atrocities, Ben knew she wouldn’t stick around. He knew that she would once again see him as a monster.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t believe that,” Rey declared in a clear, firm tone. “Last night you told me that you didn’t believe that you were lovable. That you didn’t believe anyone could love you. But in spite of those beliefs, you gave me permission to prove you wrong. And today? Up until now you’ve shown me that you don’t actually believe that you are too damaged to be loved. You’ve let me in—you’ve shown me that you have hope. And now that I’ve seen that hope, I refuse to let you continue to believe that you are an unlovable monster. Because you’re not, Ben. <em>You are not.</em>”</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t know what I’ve done…”</p><p> </p><p>“I know that you’ve been manipulated your entire life. I know that you made mistakes and that you felt that you had no where—no one to go to but Snoke and that while you were with him, you did terrible, terrible things. I know that you killed your father,” her voice wavered with unshed tears, “I know that you’ve tried to kill my friends and me.” Rey paused to watch him intently.</p><p> </p><p>He tried keeping his face blank as she laid out his sins because of that.</p><p> </p><p>“But I also know that you regretted killing him. I know that you killed Snoke to protect me when you could have easily killed me instead. And I know that despite everything you gained in the Darkness, you threw it all away and came back to the Light when it mattered most.”</p><p> </p><p>She stopped then and pressed closer to him, her voice firm, “I know that you came to save me from Palpatine when you had absolutely no reason to do so…even though he could have given you everything you wanted.”</p><p> </p><p>She pulled back and Ben longed for her warmth.</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s fingers trailed up his arms and he fought a shudder. Her eyes peeked at him through her thick lashes, “Does that about cover it?” she asked in an almost breathless tone.</p><p> </p><p>“No,” he answered simply. “Not about Palpatine. He couldn’t give me everything I wanted,” Ben murmured before he could stop himself, “not you.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s hands stilled on his arms and he heard her breath catch. Ben was in the process of beating himself up for saying something so stupid to the woman he still couldn’t believe was here with him when she leant up and pressed a soft kiss on his lips. It was warm and gentle and over sooner than he wanted, but it sent Ben’s heart stuttering. How could something so simple set his nerves on fire?</p><p> </p><p>“The fact that you came back to the Light proves to me that you are <em>not</em> a monster. You have a difficult road ahead, it’s true. But I will always be here to help you. And I am not going to give up on you. Ever”</p><p> </p><p>Her eyes shone brightly as she gazed up at him, the hope so blinding that there was no possible way that Ben could ever deny it. Despite everything that he had done—despite all of his evil acts, Rey held hope just for him. Ben’s throat tightened over a lump. Rey was so much more than he could ever have hoped for.</p><p> </p><p>Despite everything he put her through, she still believed in him and he now knew that she wouldn’t give up on him. And that meant everything to him.</p><p> </p><p>Stars above, he loved this woman. The realization electrified him. It shouldn’t have surprised him. The way he felt for Rey was as clear as the sun on a cloudless day, as bright and intense as a bolt of white lightning descending from the sky. But as he thought on it, Ben realized that he’s loved her for a very long time.</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t know how badly I want you to want to want to be with me,” Ben murmured almost too quietly for her to hear. It pained him to admit it.</p><p> </p><p>It was true. Since their first meeting on Takodana, he felt like he had seen her before somewhere—that somehow he’d always known her. In his dreams maybe? It grew stronger when he discovered just how similar they were in that Starkiller interrogation room and it was there where he starting feeling something for her.</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t recognize it for what it was until he refused bacta treatment that would have removed the scar from the light saber wound inflicted by her, wanting to preserve something of her fierce fighting spirit for himself. He should have hated the woman who disfigured him, but instead he was grateful to have something to remember her by.</p><p> </p><p>He denied it until that night when she called him to her and they touched hands over a fire light years away, realizing and accepting that he wanted nothing more than to be with her. He knew that it was love the moment he realized Snoke intended for her to die. He decided as soon as she arrived on that tiny escape pod that <em>Snoke</em> would die before he could lay a finger on her. He still felt that love in spite of her rejecting his offer. As angry as he was that she rejected him, her dedication, her loyalty to the light made him love her even more.</p><p> </p><p>And then a year passed. He searched and searched for her, neglecting his duties as Supreme Leader so that he could find her. And when they finally reconnected, he felt his love for her even more strongly than he could have ever imagined when he saw her standing before him with a ridiculous necklace hanging on her neck after a year of nothing.</p><p> </p><p>He wasn’t sure that she had heard him until she replied in a small whisper, “You don’t know how badly I want to be with <em>you</em>…”</p><p> </p><p>His heart stopped.</p><p> </p><p>Ben wrapped her tightly in his arms and didn’t let go.</p><p> </p><p>Her small confession set his blood aflame and he thought maybe, just maybe she could end up feeling the same as he did.</p><p> </p><hr/><p>They sat like that for a while before eventually wrapping themselves up in the large blanket Rey had brought. Dark clouds had formed over the ocean and the sunny day turned cold, bringing chilly breezes up from the waves to the shore. The suns now hid behind the low hanging clouds and the birds that had been feeding on the fish out in the distance vanished.</p><p> </p><p><em>Was a storm coming</em>, Ben wondered? Did they need to hike back already? They couldn’t have been there for more than a few hours. Their underclothes were still a bit damp and neither of them wanted to wear wet clothes back to their ship. Ben itched just thinking of the chafing that would happen if they decided to leave before everything was dry.</p><p> </p><p>As if to answer his questions, lightning crackled in the distance, followed by rumbling thunder that shook the air.</p><p> </p><p>Rey turned her head to regard the brewing storm in the distance. “We should probably go,” she determined, watching the incoming tempest warily.</p><p> </p><p>“That storm looks like it’s going to be rather large. And I don’t fancy being caught here when it makes landfall.” She reluctantly emerged from their cocoon and immediately Ben noticed her skin pricked with gooseflesh in the cold winds. She had her tunic and leggings in hand and began pulling the clothing back on. She looked like she regretted not bringing her extra layers after a particularly cold and strong gust of wind blew around her. She shivered and her hair was left in a wild tangle in the gales around her. Stars she was beautiful, Ben thought for the millionth time today.</p><p> </p><p>He wished that they didn’t need to leave, but Rey was right, even from this distance, Ben could tell that the dark clouds towered high. It would be a massive storm.</p><p> </p><p>“Have you been here through a big storm here?” he asked as he pulled on his black pants and then pulled a boot on. Rey shook her head.</p><p> </p><p>“When I was here, Luke had mentioned it was fall. I guess the weather was more mild? There were no storms. Only rain.”</p><p> </p><p>“Huh,” Ben replied. “Let’s get out of here then?”</p><p> </p><p>“Wait!” Rey protested suddenly, “What about lunch?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben almost laughed at her disappointment of not being able to eat on the beach, but he thought better of it. Right after she asked however, there was a massive flash of lightning followed by a deafening crack of thunder closer by than either of them was comfortable with and that took care of the matter for them.</p><p> </p><p>In response to the aggressive thunder and lightning, Rey snatched her satchel and kicked the blanket at Ben, who rapidly rolled it up in a ball and rushed off after her.</p><p> </p><hr/><p>Some time later, Ben and Rey burst onto the <em>Millennium Falcon</em> soaking wet and laughing. They had made it maybe about a third of the way back before the early rains hit and ended up soaked within seconds. The thunder and lightning followed right as they began their final descent down the towering stairway to the saucer-shaped ship, so they sprinted down, hand in hand to the safety of the <em>Falcon.</em></p><p> </p><p>Rey was shivering vigorously now. Ben threw his arm around her shoulders and used both hands to try to rub some warmth into her. She smiled up gratefully at him, lashes wet with rain. She was too irresistible to him and he leant down to kiss her softly. She sighed, content and Ben tried to suppress a grin.</p><p> </p><p>He still couldn’t believe Rey actually felt this way for him. He ignored the wretch inside once more and basked in the feeling of warmth that radiated through his chest. Rey wanted to be with him, he marveled as he watched her move through the corridors of the ship.</p><p> </p><p>“Where are you going?” he called after her when she passed through the main hold without stopping. He thought that they were going to eat lunch. Hunger struck him hard about half an hour into their trek back from the beach.</p><p> </p><p>Rey turned and gave him a pointed look, “I am not staying in these sopping wet clothes for a second longer. I’m going to the ‘fresher to warm up in the shower and then once I’m dressed, I’ll be ready to eat.” She paused for a beat and smirked suggestively at him, “Care to join me?” she asked with a wink.</p><p> </p><p>He knew she was bluffing. She was just as shy about this stuff as he was.</p><p> </p><p>Ben returned the smirk with one of his own, “Only if you mean it,” he responded lightly.</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s face flushed and she scurried off to the refresher alone.</p><p> </p><p>Not too long after she had left, Ben started to regret not taking Rey up on her offer. His clothes felt heavy and cold. He was quickly starting to feel chilled in the <em>Falcon’s </em>cool environment and his skin started itching slightly from the salt. He left a trail of water as he hobbled from the hold to the crew quarters and stripped of his boots and socks. The shirt followed soon after. Much better.</p><p>While he contemplated stripping off his pants, Rey entered, clothed in a light gray top and charcoal vest and pants. She looked refreshed and warm again. Her face was a picture of contentment.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s all yours, Ben.” She announced as she glided past him and trailed a finger across his shoulder innocently. His shoulder burned from the contact and he wished that she would do that all day.</p><p> </p><p>Ben wanted to forget about washing up and spend the rest of the day with Rey in bed, but then the air cycler came back on and he was reminded how cold he was. So reluctantly he made his way out of the room but not before watching her for a moment longer.</p><p> </p><p>The hot water of the ‘fresher felt fantastic on his chilled skin. He stood under the steaming water for a while and let it run over him while he pondered life.</p><p> </p><p>So much had happened over the past day and a half. He had somehow miraculously come back from the dead. He had no idea how or why he came back. He had no recollection of anything after he died. It was all a big blank. It scared him, but having Rey there with him made it easier to avoid thinking about.</p><p> </p><p>Eventually, he promised himself, he would search for answers. He needed answers. But for now, he was actually happy. Despite that voice telling him he was a vile monster who had no right to be happy, he was happy.</p><p> </p><p>And it was all thanks to a beautiful little scavenger from Jakku.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Bedside Conversations</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I hope you all are dealing with the "social distancing" well! My husband is working from home and my toddler and I are loving it! But I miss the gym. And we're missing outings with friends, but we'll survive. </p><p>So I am currently writing chapter 18 and I know that I set the chapter total at 20. That will definitely increase once I settle on the chapter total. At the moment, I think the story will be about 26 chapters. But it could end up longer if I need to split any more chapters.</p><p>I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think of it!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>CHAPTER TEN: Bedside Conversations</p><p> </p><p>Rey sat in her bunk while Ben cleansed himself in the refresher. Her hands were busy meticulously cleaning her lightsaber while her thoughts travelled. Had she really just invited Ben to join her in the ‘fresher? How mortifying. And he had completely called the bluff, teasing her back.</p><p> </p><p>She looked on the black metal creation in her hands with pride. Despite how busy she was in the aftermath of the First Order’s fall, she had found time to carefully consult the ancient texts and finish constructing her very own lightsaber. She was inspired to do so when Maz Kanata came to her days after Exegol when the celebrations died down and presented her with three small, clear crystals.</p><p> </p><p>Kyber, Maz called it and told Rey that they were found among Leia’s things with a note attached. The note designated Rey as the crystal’s owner with instructions for Rey to complete her lightsaber when the right time came. Rey held on to the crystals tightly for a moment while Maz watched her carefully. Finally, Rey had turned to Maz and told her that she knew it was time to finish it.</p><p> </p><p>Rey remembered the frustration of not having large amounts of time to dedicate to the construction of her own blade, but Maz continually tempered her and reminded her that careful construction was vital and so, bit by bit the saber came together.</p><p> </p><p>Previously, she had constructed most of it with Leia’s help. She had taken her old staff and hollowed out the top to form the hilt of her blade. With instruction from Leia and the Jedi Texts, she built up the saber piece by piece.</p><p> </p><p>Rey recalled the time it took to construct the cycling field energizers, the crystal chamber and the power vortex. It slowly came together over a period of many months.</p><p> </p><p>When the war finally ended and Rey finally had resumed working on the blade, she took great pains to properly align the crystals and then set it in the chamber through careful meditation as instructed. It took her a week longer to get a genuine diatium power cell and then a few more days to finish the odds and ends. Finally, two days before she left to bury Luke and Leia’s sabers, hers came to life.</p><p> </p><p>It was unlike anything she had ever experienced. The moment she activated it, she could feel that it was alive. And that it was <em>hers</em>. The saber seemed almost sentient to her, feeling tentatively into her very soul as it acquainted itself with her. The blade started out a bright glowing white but after a moment of examination, it hummed in satisfaction and the blade bled into a goldenrod yellow.</p><p> </p><p>Rey nearly jumped back in shock at the color but almost immediately felt that it was…right. It suited her.</p><p> </p><p>In the present, she turned the blade in her hand, inspecting it closely for grime or dirt. There was no trace of either, so now she just admired it. She still couldn’t believe that she had her own blade. It was the most rustically elegant thing she had ever seen. She knew that her blade was not reminiscent of the classical style like Luke and Leia’s blades, but this design just seemed right to her. It wasn’t a gleaming silver hilt but instead a matte black one. It reminded her of her humble “roots”. She decided to ignore her revolting bloodline—it had nothing to do with her roots or who she was. She would never be a Palpatime. She was Rey, the scavenger from Jakku who became a Jedi.</p><p> </p><p>She turned her thoughts back to the blade. There was no fanfare to the design yet it was still elegant and sleek. It was Rey made manifest in a lightsaber.</p><p> </p><p>Ben walked back into their room dressed in pants that were too short and his torn sweater. <em>Our room</em>, she thought with a blush. Not the crew’s quarters anymore, but theirs. He seemed to be deep in thought but glanced up at her when he noticed that she was watching him. The broad, open smile that Rey knew was reserved for her only flashed across his face and he changed course from the closet to her bunk.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s that?” he asked as he sat down next to her. He peered at the saber in her hands and his eyes lit up as he recognized what it was.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey, is this yours?” he asked in wonder. His hands itched forward, hoping to touch it. Rey smiled grandly and offered the hilt out to him. Ben grasped the saber’s hilt gently as if it were some wonderful treasure and then held it out to inspect it. She watched him as he turned it and his smile grew broader if that was possible.</p><p> </p><p>“Its amazing. I’ve never seen anything like it,” he murmured reverently. He turned his head to meet her eyes with a hopeful question in his. “Can I turn it on?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey nodded and excitement alighted his eyes. With a hiss, Ben ignited her blade and his jaw dropped. She stifled a small giggle at the awe Ben openly displayed and watched him examine her blade.</p><p> </p><p>“Wow,” he breathed. The golden blade gleamed in his eyes, making his eye glow like sunlight through a honey jar. “Rey, this is stunning.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s chest glowed with pride. Ben’s praise meant a lot to her. It meant more than he could know to hear that he thought that her creation was actually good. They were the only Force-users left in the Galaxy that were trained in the Jedi way. For Ben, who had many more years of experience than she did to compliment her work, well, Rey couldn’t think of anything more flattering.</p><p> </p><p>He flipped the igniter once again and the blade switched off. He continued to stared at her blade with wistful eyes.</p><p> </p><p>A thought occurred to Rey, surprised she hadn’t wondered about it before. “Where is your blade?”</p><p> </p><p>Now that she reflected on it, he hadn’t had it on Exegol that fateful night. He’d needed the Skywalker blade…</p><p> </p><p>Ben smirked a bit and continued examining her hilt, “I’d imagine it’s at the bottom of that insane sea on Kef Bir.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s brows drew together in confusion and Ben obliged after a beat.</p><p> </p><p>“After you left, I had that talk with my father.” Rey nodded numbly. He'd seen Han?</p><p> </p><p>Ben continued unaware of her shock, “Well once I realized that it wasn’t too late for me after all, I chucked it as far as I could out into the sea. And then I somehow managed to find a working TIE and made for Exegol immediately after. Don’t know how I managed to make it to you on that piece of junk. The navigation was shoddy and I got lost at least once…”</p><p> </p><p>Ben paused his tangent and then his brows drew together as though he just realized something himself, “So I guess I’m in need of a blade now…do you still have my grandfather’s and mother’s lightsabers around? I can use one of those until I decide whether or not I want to build a replacement.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s face paled. Twice in one day. She was about to flip his world twice in one day. Her stomach clenched, not excited to deliver this piece of news.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh…I uh…Well I know where they are?” she offered awkwardly.</p><p> </p><p>He lifted an eyebrow, “They’re not with you? That’s alright, I don’t really need one right now, anyway.” He ran his fingers over the leather that wrapped around the hilt and looked up, “Where are they?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey was biting her lip so hard she was nervous that she was going to draw blood. Oh boy, this was not going to be good…</p><p> </p><p>“Well you see…” she trailed, “I thought that since the Skywalker line had ended, I should lay the only remaining legacies of your family left to rest… So I buried them. At the Lars homestead. On Tatooine…right before I was guided here, actually.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s face stayed surprisingly passive as he absorbed the information, only a slight tick under his left eye gave any indication that he was processing the bomb she’d just dropped.</p><p> </p><p>When he finally spoke again, it was in that same strangled voice he’d used when he discovered the remains of his prized TIE Whisper. “You…<em>buried</em>…my family’s lightsabers?” He blinked as though dazed.</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s face heated as her head ducked down. “Yes…” came her ashamed, whispered reply.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ben I’m so sorry. I honestly never thought in a million years—” she cut off when she noticed Ben was trying to interject.</p><p> </p><p>“I mean I wouldn’t have done it. But I understand where you were coming from, Rey. You were just trying to show respect. And you definitely weren’t expecting to ever run into me again.” He shrugged, still trying to look unaffected, “I’m sure I can find them easily enough if I need them.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt a spike of discomfort at his mention of undoing her deed, but he had more of a right to those lightsabers than she did. Especially now that she’d built one of her own.</p><p> </p><p>He could do whatever he wanted with them. Leave them be, take them, it was his choice. “Of course. They’re yours. Do with them what you will,” she smiled timidly back at him.</p><p> </p><p>Ben nodded, gently placed the hilt back in her hands and his brows furrowed. “How did you do this?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey let the blade rest in her open palms and smiled, “I had some help,” she admitted, glad for a change in subject. She felt awful about the lightsabers now. “Your mother, for one. And there’s this old pirate named Maz Kanata who helped me.” Ben’s eyes widened in recognition of the name but held his silence as Rey continued, “And I have these really ancient sacred Jedi Texts. One of them detailed how to construct a lightsaber. Or at least, Luke left annotations. And I had some help with translations.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s eyes now bulged from his face and his mouth went slack. “You have…the <em>original</em> Jedi Texts…” He intoned in shock.</p><p> </p><p>Rey nodded feeling amused at his reaction and stood, placing her blade on the bunk. She held her hands out to pull him up after her. She was excited to show the books to him. He was one of the few people in existence right now who would appreciate them.</p><p> </p><p>Ben followed her into the storage-closet and opened one of the drawers. Inside sat eight battered and very ancient volumes.</p><p> </p><p>Her dark haired companion sucked in a breath and reached out to pick one up. If even possible, he handled the book with even more care than he had her saber.</p><p> </p><p>“The Aionomica…” Ben breathed. His eyes shone and a reverent expression crossed his face while he opened it and skimmed its writings. He set it down and picked up another tome. “Both volumes?” he looked at Rey with amazement.</p><p> </p><p>“Master Luke had them in that tree by the Jedi Temple,” Rey explained as she watched Ben open a new volume. It was like watching a child taste sweets for the first time. The innocence and scholarly excitement was so sweet to watch.</p><p> </p><p>Ben spoke as if in a dream, “Uncle Luke and I spent a lot of time looking for Jedi artifacts before he opened the training temple. And sometimes we would take missions even after the praxeum had been established to look some more.” He set another down and picked up the last. “We searched for these books for years but we could never track them down. I can’t believe he actually did it. I can’t believe I’m holding these in my hands. The <em>original copies</em>.” He looked like he was on the verge of tears <em>and </em>dancing at the same tome and her heart felt strangely tight as she watched his open excitement. His eyes misted over as he looked over the small collection of books.</p><p> </p><p>Rey placed her hand on his shoulder, touched by how emotional his reaction had been over the Sacred Texts. She moved her hand down to rest on his upper back as she moved next to him. “You should read them.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben turned to her as if in disbelief. He cradled one of the volumes against his chest. “You trust me with them?” he asked as if aghast. He set the book down and stepped back.</p><p> </p><p>Rey almost laughed but held back when she realized he was being serious. Why wouldn’t she trust him? He was as much of a Jedi as she was—more so than she if she were being completely honest. But she could tell by the look in his eyes that he didn’t believe he was worthy to even look at the ancient tomes, let alone be trusted to delve into one.</p><p> </p><p>Her heart panged. She could feel the twist of emotion coming from him as it occurred to her that Ben’s past as Kylo Ren was going to haunt him for a long time. She felt silly for not understanding that sooner and for not being more sensitive to it. His guilt ate at him still and Rey set to showing him he was wrong about himself once more.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben,” she whispered urgently to him, “I trust you more than anyone else. You have earned that trust.” She pressed the abandoned book back into his arms. “You have earned the right to read every single one of those books and you shouldn’t doubt it. Don’t let allow yourself to believe otherwise.”</p><p> </p><p>He looked at her with his dark eyes, desperately wanting to believe her. She urged him to believe each word she uttered and carefully watched a battle unfold within those orbs. She silently prayed that he would find himself worthy—she hoped that he would.</p><p> </p><p>The room was tense in the silence as Ben battled within himself. Rey’s knees almost gave out in relief as Ben’s eyes cleared and his grip tightened on the book he held. He nodded briefly and gave her a soft kiss on the cheek before leaving the small room to settle somewhere in their quarters to read.</p><p> </p><p>The heat of the kiss burned her cheek long after he’d found a place to sit.</p><p> </p><p>Rey stood there for a moment, heart breaking when she thought on how close she had come to losing that battle. Ben’s guilt—his inner demons, they did not want to let go of him. It was going to be very difficult to help him see himself as redeemed—or perhaps even as redeemable.</p><p> </p><p>His scars ran deep and the demons that caused those scars did not want to see him freed of them. Her teeth ground together. She would not let them take him. They had taken far too much already.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>A few hours after Ben had settled into their bunk to read, Rey felt ready to ask him an important question that she had avoided since his death. If she were being honest in totality, it was something that she hadn’t even really allowed herself to dwell on at all.</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s nose was buried in <em>Aionomica</em>, his luscious, dark hair grazing the yellowed pages. She took a moment to admire the scene before her. How could one be so irresistibly handsome while reading <em>books?</em></p><p> </p><p>“Ben,” she said his name somewhat hesitantly from her spot of the bunk. When he heard her call for him, his head shot up, eyes dutifully seeking hers. A blush crept onto her cheeks. Would he always react so readily to her saying his name as if she were some revered deity? The thought of it made her feel embarrassed and cherished in equal parts. She loved and felt guilty over the power she seemed to hold over him at the same time.</p><p> </p><p>He watched her and waited patiently for her to work through her thoughts. She gulped and gathered herself, she might be scared, but she was also hungry to know more. “I’m so new to all of this,” she prefaced as if he didn’t already know, “and I suppose I just don’t understand.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey fidgeted with her fingers, a nervous habit she’d developed recently. “You said once that we’re a dyad. In the Force…” She looked up from her woven fingers and met his deep amber eyes. “What does that mean exactly?” <em>For us?</em> She wanted to include, but chickened at the last moment.</p><p> </p><p>Ben stirred, looking down at the book before him before shutting it quietly. He set it down next to him and sat up a little straighter. His eyes seemed far away when he finally started speaking again.</p><p> </p><p>“Well…there wasn’t a whole lot I could find. Bonds are common enough—relatively speaking of course,” he clarified as if Rey understood what he was talking about. He must have noticed her blank expression because he started explaining apologetically.</p><p> </p><p>“When we first started connecting, I just thought that we had a uniquely strong bond. Which was odd to me seeing as we’d only interacted in person a few times and they weren’t…exactly events that would encourage a Force bond…” he trailed off sheepishly. “Bonds are typically developed between Force sensitives—like a master and apprentice. Or in my mother’s case, with her brother. Similar to ours, bonds allow those connected to communicate over great distances and let their bondmate see into the other’s mind, hear their thoughts, though it was limited,” Ben explained.</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s brows rose. That sounded a little bit like what they shared, but it seemed like the definition lacked the sheer depth their bond had. “So what’s the difference?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m getting there,” Ben replied with an amused smile as though she were an overeager student interrupting an incomplete lecture.</p><p> </p><p>“So I thought about what our bond was—how it was so much stronger than anything else I’d been able to research. Bonds among Jedi <em>and </em>Sith have been recorded for millennia. But not a single one of them demonstrated the abilities our bond has. So I expanded my searching and fell upon the term <em>Force dyad.</em> A different type of bond that was stronger—more potent. In this kind of bond, the bonded could reach each other through space. They could interact physically and mentally despite the space of light years. Supposedly they could connect through time as well. Those bonded knew their bondmate’s minds as intimately as they knew their own—they intrinsically understood one another. And when together physically, they amplified and mirrored each other’s powers. Those in a dyad were two physical beings, but they were one in spirit and in the Force. And if you recall what Palpatine said, dyads hold the power of life itself. They’re outrageously powerful”</p><p> </p><p>She remembered of course. She could recall the hazy recognition of the sheer might of Palpatine’s power once he’d stripped Ben and Rey of their life force. She’d recognized at once that it was hers and Ben’s power.</p><p> </p><p>Rey listened with baited breath, watching Ben intently explain what they were. Why their bond was so different. She felt a unique thrill at learning that they were truly something special.</p><p> </p><p>“These kinds of bonds were exceptionally rare. So rare that it’s been several generations since the last one was recorded.”</p><p> </p><p>“So how did you know that what we shared was a Force dyad? And why bother with the effort of getting answers when we were enemies?” Rey almost begged, longing to know more. She was so curious to know how and why Ben spent so much time trying to understand their connection, because it was clear to her that he’d spent a lot of time researching it.</p><p> </p><p>She felt a little guilty too. She’d spent a lot of time trying to forget their bond while he learned everything he could. And then once he told her the true nature of it, she’d spent all of her time denying it until it was almost too late.</p><p> </p><p>Ben blinked owlishly, his brows furrowed, “Because I felt an incredibly strong connection to you the moment I met you. And I wanted to know why. Why would the Force connect me to my enemy? Why did I know a stranger’s mind as well as my own? Why was I feeling so much compassion for someone I’d just met when I’d successfully quashed out that sentiment for everyone else?”</p><p> </p><p>He continued, “And there was the matter of you having the annoying habit of popping up all over…”</p><p> </p><p>Rey huffed in amusement a little at the last one, but felt heated at Ben’s confession prior<em>.</em> She recalled one of the first things he said to her in a misguided gesture while she was captive. <em>Don’t be afraid. I feel it too.</em> They’d both felt the connection though they didn’t understand what it meant at the time.</p><p> </p><p>“As for the other part…” Ben trailed off, suddenly uncomfortable. “I found a generations old prophecy in a Sith holocron about a dyad in the Force. Foretold by the Sith Eternal cult on Exegol. And based on what I could glean from the limited dyad accounts, I realized that the prophecy was about us. That we were a dyad.”</p><p> </p><p>“Did you search your feelings?” Rey joked, watching Ben with a crooked smile. She enjoyed this more academic part of him. It was so very different from the warrior she was well acquainted with. It almost seemed a more natural part of him, though she couldn’t be sure. He was very much a natural on the battlefield.</p><p> </p><p>Ben met her eyes seriously, “Of course.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey sucked in a breath, her smile freezing and fading as she felt her heart race a little at the unexpected intensity of Ben’s response.</p><p> </p><p>She collected herself for a brief moment and pressed on. He still hadn’t answered her original question. “Alright, well now you’ve educated me on bonds.” Her legs shifted restlessly and she had to fight to keep her gaze trained on him, unreasonably nervous for the answer.</p><p> </p><p>"What does it mean for us? That we’re a dyad?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben shifted too. Almost imperceptibly closer to her. Her breathing stuttered at the movement for a moment. “Are you asking what it means for us in a mystical Jedi sense? Or…”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s cheeks warmed under his heated gaze, “Were the dyads you researched…romantically involved? Or familial? Platonic?”</p><p> </p><p>It was Ben’s turn to go red. He started fidgeting with the book between them and stayed silent for a moment. “Attachment between Jedi has been forbidden for millennia. If it was romantic, then they kept it secret.”</p><p> </p><p>“And dyad bonds between the Sith?” she pressed.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know,” he answered honestly. “The Sith didn’t encourage love either. For different reasons, of course.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey thought on this for a moment. She wasn’t even entirely sure what she was asking after. Or why. She supposed it was some silly notion about soul mates. She hoped that their dyad bond meant that they were soul mates because of the sense of belonging and oneness she’d felt with him—even when they were still on opposing sides of the war. She also hoped that it would explain why she felt like half of her went missing when he died.</p><p>           </p><p>Unfortunately, it appeared that Ben didn’t have the academic answers. But perhaps she could get answers from him all the same if she could only pluck up the courage to ask what she truly longed to ask.</p><p> </p><p>The silence between them lengthened one heart beat at a time until Rey’s nerves silenced her. She cursed her cowardice and just nodded, “I see. Thanks for clearing all that up…and,” she stuttered, “I’m glad we’re bonded this way…it feels like I’m home when I’m with you. You feel like home.”</p><p> </p><p>Home. That was the perfect word to describe how he felt when he was with her. Ben’s face split into an adorable, bashful smile and he replied shyly, “You feel like home too.”</p><p> </p><p>Then he mercifully let the conversation go and picked up his book once more, but not before reaching for Rey’s hand.</p><p> </p><p>Perhaps one day she’d be brave enough to ask. But not today. Today she would simply relish in the fact that he was there with her, holding her hand.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Rey was happier than she had been in her entire life. Somehow, someway, Ben Solo had been returned to her. She didn’t understand why but whatever caused it had her undying gratitude.</p><p> </p><p>They had fallen into an easy routine. Ben and Rey would sleep in the large captain’s bunk—their bunk—as they had come to call it much to Rey’s unending pleasure and would wake up whenever they pleased. Sometimes they would spend hours in a haze, still not believing that the other was really there. Sometimes they would rush out and eat a quick breakfast before going off to explore. Sometimes they would stay and read from the texts. Ben was an excellent teacher, providing insights that she missed or encouraging her to argue her beliefs against his. She always came away knowing something new.</p><p> </p><p>While Ben lay in their bunk reading that second afternoon, it occurred to Rey that she should probably ask him to help her continue her training. She couldn’t think of a better person than him when it came to furthering her education. Leia had educated her a great deal, but Leia never finished her training and hadn’t practiced for nearly three decades. Maz knew a lot, but she was not a Jedi. Luke promised that she would have his help when she needed it, but she doubted that he had meant education when he promised her that.</p><p> </p><p>So she asked Ben and Ben protested. But Rey persisted.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on Ben, you’ve had loads more experience than I have. You trained with Luke for what, five years? And then you went dark for like, five years too…but still that’s more training to count. That’s ten years worth of knowledge!”</p><p> </p><p>Ben watched her skeptically and set the book down carefully. “Try more like twenty years of training in total.”</p><p> </p><p>“Twenty?” Rey yelped. “There’s no way you’ve had that much training. You can’t be more than twenty-five. You didn’t start training until you were ten. Leia said as much—”</p><p> </p><p>He leant forward with a strange look in his eye, suddenly intrigued. “Rey,” he asked in amusement, “how old do you think I am?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey thought for a moment. “Well…” she began, “If I stick with my initial estimation, then I would have expected you to be about my age.” She glanced back at him, noting the laughter building in him with annoyance, “But clearly since you’re about to laugh at me, I’m guessing I’m way off?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben barked out a raspy laugh, “Way off,” he grinned at her crookedly. “I turned thirty a few standard months back.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey blinked. <em>Ben was thirty</em>? She was twenty. Well, almost twenty-one. She didn’t think there was anything wrong with him being almost ten years older. But still, she hadn’t realized their age difference was that large. He really didn’t look much older than she did.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh,” was all she managed with wide eyes. That was…quite the age difference. But did it matter? Truly, when they completed each other so perfectly, did ten years make or break them? She didn’t think so.</p><p> </p><p>“Is something wrong?” he asked her hesitating, the grin fading slowly.</p><p> </p><p>Rey shook her head, “No, I just thought we were closer in age. Your mother never said and I never asked… And you don’t look like you’re thirty.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben leaned back cautiously, “Thank you?” he accepted the compliment as if he wasn’t sure it was one.</p><p> </p><p>“So how old are you then?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m almost twenty-one,” she replied, watching his expression carefully. Hopefully he wouldn’t feel weird about being in love with someone almost ten years his junior.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh,” came his reply. “Almost twenty-one as in you’re still twenty…”</p><p> </p><p>Rey blushed. She knew it! He was weirded out. She stared hard at the floor panels in embarrassment.</p><p> </p><p>Ben let out a long whistle, “So I was ten when you were a newborn…that’s…nice.” He fidgeted awkwardly.</p><p> </p><p>Rey stiffened. She couldn’t help but feel a little affronted at his reaction. She had quickly grown used to the idea, deciding that it didn’t matter that they were essentially a decade apart in age. Why couldn’t he do the same?</p><p> </p><p>She glared up at him and jabbed a finger at him. “Are you really going to be immature about this? Yes, we have a bit of an age difference. Yes you were a full-grown man by the time I was ten. I don’t see it as a problem now that we’re both adults.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s hands shot out to hers and grabbed them tightly, pulling her slightly towards him. The action surprised her and she glanced up, bewildered. The contact sent thrills through her and she kept her laser focus on him.</p><p> </p><p>“It isn’t a problem,” Ben promised her, “I was just a bit surprised is all. I overestimated your age. You underestimated mine. We’re both adults. Ten years really isn’t that much. My parents were actually eleven years apart.” He looked at her earnestly. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been weird like that.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey saw the honesty on his face and felt the tension leave her shoulders. “So if it doesn’t matter, why did you react so oddly?”</p><p> </p><p>He shrugged, “It was strange to think about you still being a child when I was reaching adulthood. But like you said, we’re adults now. I think the age difference becomes less important the older you get.”</p><p> </p><p>Yes, Rey supposed he was right. It was a little uncomfortable thinking about how drastic the gap would be if they were younger. But that was beside the point. They hadn’t met until they were adults anyway. She pushed aside the slightly disturbing and odd imagery of ten-year old Rey interacting with a twenty-year old Ben and replaced it with an image of a twenty-year old Rey and thirty-year old Ben. <em>Much better</em>.</p><p> </p><p>She changed the subject back to their previous conversation. “So, will you train me?” Rey edged closer to him and pushed her way past his arms and snuggled against his chest. He rested his arm over her shoulders, locking her upper body against him, but remained silent.</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s fingers traced over the corded muscles and veins of Ben’s forearms, enjoying the feel of the hardened definition before she pushed again.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben, I’ve had only a year of formal training. And even that was not entirely <em>formal</em>. Your mother taught me everything she knew, but she didn’t know everything there is to know about being a Jedi. You trained with Luke for at least ten years before you turned. I need to know more. I want to be the best Jedi I can be.”</p><p> </p><p>She could feel him tense behind her. The conflict within him was palpable again. It was the same as before with the Sacred Texts. He didn’t think he was worthy because of his past. Rey worriedly chewed her lip. She wondered if he was going to have to battle against that guilt often. Her instinct was to think that yes, he would. And she hoped that he would be able to persevere through his demons and recognize that he was in fact worthy.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey,” Ben finally began, his voice pained, “I don’t think that I’m the right teacher for you…”</p><p> </p><p>She didn’t understand. A year ago he had basically begged to be her teacher. And now?</p><p> </p><p>Rey squeezed her eyes shut in disappointed sadness. His demons won out this time. But maybe she could change that. She wasn’t ready to give up just yet.</p><p> </p><p>“And why not?” she asked him, grazing her fingers down to his wrist and then taking his hand in hers. “You are the only person in the galaxy who could do it. You know the teachings of the Jedi.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben heaved a great sigh, “Oh maybe because I turned my back on those teachings for seven years and just feel a little hypocritical for coming back and suddenly teaching you beliefs I spat on and fought to destroy for all that time,” he retorted bitterly.</p><p> </p><p>“But you came back, Ben,” she argued. She felt his body go stiff and knew she said the wrong thing.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes. I came back.” Ben agreed tightly, “I came back to a path I never should have left and now I have to live with those consequences.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey went quiet for a moment, not sure how to counter that. If he didn’t feel comfortable with teaching her, she shouldn’t push him. But she didn’t want his inner demons succeeding in telling him he was not worthy to be a Jedi anymore. How could she convince him otherwise?</p><p> </p><p>“I think one of the best things you could do would be to pass on the knowledge you have in order to ensure that the Jedi don’t die out…” she remarked quietly. “If you think that falling to the Dark side suddenly made you unworthy to ever be a Jedi again, then let your first act of penance be passing on your knowledge. Seek forgiveness by making sure the Jedi way lives on.”</p><p> </p><p>It was Ben’s turn to be silent. It seemed that the quiet dragged on for eons. Rey could feel his turmoil once more. She hoped she had reasoned well with him.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright,” he finally agreed. “I’ll teach you then.”</p><p> </p><p>He was quiet for the rest of the day, but Rey was happy that she could help him beat the guilt and the pain he was dealing with.</p><p> </p><p>The next day they began to spend their mornings training.</p><p> </p><p>It was not what Rey expected. Ben just had her meditate, which she thought she had already mastered but apparently not with how much he was correcting her. Relaxing her shoulders, centering her palms, straightening her spine…</p><p> </p><p>By the end of their session, Rey wasn’t sure if she wanted to smack him or kiss him into oblivion.</p><p> </p><p>She goes with the second. </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Stars in Our Eyes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Our last chapter of fluff before juicy stuff begins happening again. I had so much fun writing these scenes with them! I wanted to dedicate a few chapters to them just exploring their new relationship together and enjoying their time with one another after being on the opposite sides of a war for so long. </p>
<p>Guys, they needed it. They're really going to need those fluffy chapters after going through what I have in store for them.</p>
<p>ALSO: I was struck with another story. Please let me know if anyone would be interested in a pre-WWI, WWI story set in England with Ben and Rey! Think Downton Abbey setting. The plot will not follow Downton Abbey. Anyway, I'm interested to see if anyone would read a story like that. The Edwardian Era and WWI era of history is one of my favorites. </p>
<p>Thanks guys! Hope you're all staying safe amid the COVID-19 scariness.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p>CHAPTER ELEVEN: Stars in Our Eyes</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Two weeks after their reunion, they trekked up to the temple to meditate. It was one of the first times since Ben started training her where he didn’t compulsively correct her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Finally, she mastered meditating to the point that Ben was satisfied. He was a perfectionist—that was undeniable. There was always something to tweak, something to improve—<em>slow your breathing, Rey. Relax your hands more. You’re slouching again, Rey</em>. It was certainly infuriating to be told that you actually hadn’t mastered something you thought you had. But even Rey had to admit that she was finding her center faster—she was beginning to slip into the different levels of Force meditation more easily too. She felt more intrinsically connected to the Force with his instruction.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And despite his grumblings, Rey knew that he was enjoying this. He actually liked being her teacher. She remembered the wild-eyed, sweat-slicked, glow of a red saber crossed with a blue one across his face. <em>You need a teacher. I can show you the ways of the Force,</em> he offered almost in desperation over a year ago.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Well, she thought with no small amount of ironic amusement, he <em>was </em>her teacher now. And he was a good teacher.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When they finished their meditative session and began their descent back to the <em>Falcon</em>, Rey noticed Ben stare out at the village looking deeply contemplative. “Luke’s hut is over there, isn’t it?” he asked her as he squinted down at the cluster of stone houses. Rey paused beside him and looked for the hut that was now missing the telltale metal door that marked her old master’s home.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She grabbed Ben’s hand and guided it to point down to the left a bit. “It’s right there,” she showed him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They hadn’t trekked up this high often and it hadn’t crossed her mind to really explore the area with Ben. The Lanai were located here after all. And they never really cared to see Rey around, so she was all too happy to keep her distance. She wondered if Ben wanted to go see the village and felt guilty for not offering to take him sooner.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Would you like to go inside?” she asked almost hesitantly, unsure of how he might feel about being around his uncle’s stuff.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>From his reaction, she could tell that he was intrigued by the idea, but was clearly hesitant as well.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Isn’t it odd to go poking through a dead man’s things?” he finally replied, his voice laced with uncertainty.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey considered for a moment, remembering Luke’s apparition when she had gone through his childhood bedroom at the abandoned moisture farm. Would he do that again if they decided to go through his stuff here? Rey didn’t think he would with Ben around. Still, she wasn’t sure how to answer the question.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>So instead, she tried to play at wise Jedi.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What do your feelings tell you,” she asked him half jokingly as she lightly bumped his thigh with her hip. Ben’s hand shot out and grabbed her hip, pulling her to him. It was a knee-jerk reaction that set her blood singing. She watched him closely, her breath stilling as his expressions changed. Stars, how was he so perfect?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He seemed to consider her question seriously. Rey turned to face him and really get a good look at his face. She held back the quip she loaded up to fire, noticing how his brow was furrowed in deep thought. Ben was chewing his lip in a way that always told Rey he was debating over something weighty within himself. After a moment, the expression cleared and his face relaxed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“They’re telling me to go inside. There’s something waiting in there for me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey’s brows shot up in surprise, she had <em>not</em> expected that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well then,” she intoned, inclined to listen to the whisperings of the Force, “Let's get in there.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben released his hold on her hip and Rey had to contain her disappointment at the loss of contact. He must have sensed her disappointment as he slowly stepped forward and paused, holding his hand out to her, which she took immediately. She tried to fight the giddy feeling that erupted inside, but she failed miserably as grand smile stretching her lips and filled her cheeks.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And so they made their way down to the old huts.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben paused before Luke’s hut. He was nervous. Rey was not surprised.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Over the course of the past few weeks, Rey learned more about their relationship and how terribly it had ended on Crait. Ben expressed how guilty he felt over what he had done in his rage—that he let his hatred overtake ever nerve of his body. He expressed his regret...</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But Ben still held a lot of ilk for Luke. There was a lot of damage and scarring that marred the relationship between uncle and nephew. But Ben mentioned that eventually, he wanted to reconcile with his uncle. It was just more proof to the theorem that Ben Solo was a changed man and it filled Rey with so much pride.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>All Rey could do was reassure him that Luke would have been so proud of Ben for coming back to the Light. She wished that she could do more than that but it wasn’t her place. Hopefully Luke would come to Ben at some point and Ben would be able to ask for his uncle’s forgiveness and vice versa. Rey knew that was what Ben really needed. They needed to talk and clear the air.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She remembered the night that Ben had told her about what happened to him after she had fled the Death Star’s remains that stormy day on Kef Bir. It was one of their first nights together and it was very late. Both Ben and Rey weren’t used to having another person in bed with them, so they talked until exhaustion took them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That night was also significant because it was the last night they felt odd having the other person sleep in their space. After that, every night began and ended with them wrapped in each other’s arms. Rey liked to think that it was because of the open honesty they had shared in those late hours.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He said the ghost of Han Solo had appeared to him and helped him throw off Kylo Ren and the dark side’s hold on him for good. Ben had spoken of the love and forgiveness he felt radiating off of his father. Rey knew that Ben’s conscience was lightened significantly because of that. Of course, the guilt would never go away, it was a scar after all, but at least Ben knew that he had his father’s forgiveness.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was also the night where she told Ben about her encounter with his mother, a few days before she found him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Your mother was so happy that you came back, Ben,” she told him through tears. Ben clutched her to him as he shook, drinking in every word she had to say about Leia. “I’d never seen her so happy before then.” She stroked his hair while he lay on her chest. “Thank you, Rey,” was all he could manage through his tears.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey started when she heard the quiet rustle of rough spun fabric and blinked. Ben was brushing the hanging aside and then went inside the dark one roomed hovel.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The Lanai were clearly still taking care of it despite its tenant’s year long absence. She wondered if they knew he wasn’t coming back. They must know, she decided. It was very clear that he hadn’t left with her and Chewie on the <em>Falcon</em> that night. And his X-wing had still lay at the bottom of that inlet until recently…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey turned her thoughts away from the Lanai and their dedication to Luke and took in the small hut. The table was clean and the room was tidy looking. Luke’s woolens were folded neatly in his cubby and the pallet that passed for a bed was made with neat corners. Rey watched Ben as he walked around the room, picking up pieces of an old lightsaber and putting them back down almost reverently. He stopped and looked down at a heavy black pot and then turned.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey followed Ben’s line of sight and gasped. Next to Luke’s narrow bed, a necklace featuring a blood red crystal hung. The crystal gleamed darkly in the dim light, taking on a menacing cast. Rey took a tentative step forward while Ben gingerly grabbed the necklace and inspected it with wide eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Is that what I think it is?” she asked, feeling awed yet slightly frightened at the same time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben nodded numbly, gripping the red crystal between his pointer and thumb. “It’s a kyber.” He confirmed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s my grandfather’s kyber…” he realized, his voice sounded stunned. His pale face went white and Rey blanched, faltering back a step. Luke kept Vader’s kyber? Why?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Rey,” Ben trailed off, holding the kyber in front of him as if it bit him and looked to her, “I—I think the kyber is meant to be mine…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey clutched the side of Luke’s old table. She had gotten that impression the moment he touched the crystal too, but that fact made her extremely uncomfortable.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That crystal was tainted. Its blood red hue whispered of the murder needed to corrupt it. But in spite of the fact that it was a bled kyber, it somehow was meant to be Ben’s. There was no denying that the Force had made it known to the both of them. To his credit, Ben looked as uncomfortable as she felt.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know,” she agreed weakly—almost numbly and Ben’s face twisted in conflicted pain at her admission. He clearly did not want it and she could tell he had been hoping for her to protest. She couldn’t deny it though. The Force had drawn them there to find the kyber and Ben, still slightly in denial, seemed to understand that too. He seemed to hear something that Rey could not because his expression cleared instantly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He looked down on the red kyber gleaming in his hand, eyes wide and full of wonder. “It can be cleansed,” he whispered, as though in a dream. “I can purify it—heal it and then I’ll construct a new blade with it,” he marveled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey’s brows shot up, “How? I’ve never heard of such a thing.” It wasn’t something that she’d read anywhere in the Texts. Or perhaps it just wasn’t in a section that she could understand. How was something like that possible? Healing a cracked crystal, now that was certainly possible. She had healed the Skywalker crystal. But a bled one? Perhaps it was the same concept? </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben shook his head, his dark hair mussing at the movement. “I don’t know. But I can feel it. I know I can heal it. Somehow, it’s communicating with me…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey wanted to argue that you can’t talk to a crystal, but then she remembered the day that she installed her own kyber into the hilt of her blade and recalled how they tentatively felt out to her, getting a sense of her very being before the blade turned from white to gold. And Rey knew that Ben was feeling the same thing from this old crystal that she had felt with her new ones.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Then you should take it,” she said to him gently, as though encouraging a young child. She smiled as she felt a small yet vibrant presence in the Force communicate its desire with her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It appears that Vader’s kyber wants to redeem itself too.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben’s still wide eyes connected with hers, and a melancholic yet sweet smile pulled at his lips as he cradled the crystal in the palm of his hand now instead of cringing away from it. “Then I hope we can do it together,” he murmured down at the crystal in his hand.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey smiled, touched by the scene. Before her were two beings that had caused so much suffering throughout the Galaxy and yet, she had never been filled with such hope. Ben and the corrupted kyber crystal had done so much wrong and yet they both longed to rectify the harm they caused. She knew without a shadow of a doubt that they could do it. They could atone for their sins—they could redeem themselves.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She couldn’t recall being filled with such hope before.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>That evening, Rey sat on the top of the <em>Falcon</em>, legs dangling off the side as she watched the binary sunset thinking about what she had seen earlier. She thought about the hope she felt as she watched Ben bond with his grandfather’s kyber crystal. She thought about the awe in his eyes as he felt the desire for redemption and the brief flash of determination she watched cross his face. Then felt a thrill at the thought of Ben finding peace through that redemption she knew he would seek.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Right now, Ben carried the overwhelming weight of his crimes on his shoulders. She knew it was a difficult burden to bear. He tried his best to hide the pain. He tried to pretend that he couldn’t feel insurmountable guilt and agony over the atrocities he committed under Snoke's influence, but Rey knew better. She could sense it through their slowly strengthening bond though she knew he tried to hide it. And when she couldn’t sense it, she could see it in his beautifully haunted eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was a haunting darkness that filled his eyes more and more frequently. It was different from the darkness that held him so firmly before. This darkness was one borne of a mind that had been so tormented and traumatized from a difficult past that it threatened to drown everything in its wake.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It felt so familiar to the grief that almost drowned Rey in its depths as she tried to survive in the aftermath of Ben’s death.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey was terrified for him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey knew that Ben’s past was slowly suffocating him. And she couldn’t do anything to help him. He wasn’t letting her in close enough to help. And even if he would let her get close enough to help, could she do anything? Was this the sort of thing that you had to face alone and either overcome or be destroyed? Was he doomed to suffer under this darkness for the rest of his life? She would do anything, <em>anything</em> to see him free of his pain. But Rey didn’t know what to do. She hadn’t known what to do when it was happening to her. How could she help someone else going through the same thing she had? It had nearly consumed her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her heart ached for him. She wished that she could ease his pain—wished she could take it away all together. But that wasn’t how it worked…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey felt millimeters away from screaming at the top of her lungs in frustration. She had to think about something else.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The second sun was about to kiss the horizon and Rey focused on its pink hue, trying to ignore the growing lump in her throat. She <em>hated</em> feeling so helpless. She watched the beautiful, rosy color reflect over the iron gray of Ahch-To’s vast ocean, idly realizing that she didn’t know the name of the ocean. She likely would never know since she couldn’t speak with the Lanai. The thought made her feel a little sad.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The porgs were chittering, settling into their nests while the other, more agile birds soared to the cliffs to roost for the night. It was getting dark. She needed to go back down to Ben. She needed to check on him and make sure that he was okay.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They were due to eat dinner soon, though Rey wasn’t feeling very hungry at the moment.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben had dozed off about an hour ago, and Rey, feeling too restless to join him, came up here instead. She needed to think. She needed to figure out…something. Of course she knew that it wasn’t her job to fix Ben Solo. It wasn’t her job to help him find peace. But she <em>wanted </em>to. She wanted to help him so badly. It was so difficult letting go and allowing him to figure out his own path to healing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She hoped that he was on his way to healing… Finding Vader’s kyber crystal in Luke’s hut and the knowledge that Ben could heal it—could purify it and make it whole again gave her a small bit of peace that allowed her to step back and give him space to figure out his path. The fact that the little sentient crystal wanted redemption as well added to that bit of peace.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey sighed and shut her eyes. It would have to be enough, she decided.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With that settled for the moment, Rey moved on to their next problem. She and Ben had been on Ahch-To for two weeks. It had been magical being here with him with no other distractions around. They were living in their own little bubble, relishing in one another’s presence. Lavishing each other with affection and attention. It was perfect. But Rey knew that it couldn’t last…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Eventually she would have to turn on the Holonet and the hypertransciever <em>and</em> the comms system again. They would be flooded with messages and she would have to listen to them all, return to reality and go back to Ajan Kloss but she didn’t <em>want</em> to. She didn’t even like thinking about it because then she would have to think about…she swallowed heavily, unable to finish the thought.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She would have to think about what was going to happen with Ben.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>What was going to happen to Ben?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her hands clenched into fists, nails biting the fleshy bits of her palms as she thought about it. He couldn’t go back to Ajan Kloss with her. That was <em>so</em> out of the question. That would be worst-case scenario. If he did, he would be arrested and condemned immediately to death. Rey would die before she allowed that to happen.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She could drop him off at some Outer Rim planet and hope that he stays hidden. But then she would have to leave him and she honestly didn’t know when she would be able to leave base again to find him. It didn’t hurt even remotely as much to think about as arrest and execution, but the thought of being separated from him even briefly made her heart constrict painfully.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Could she leave him here, then? On Ahch-To where she knew he would be safe from anything and everyone? No one knew where Ahch-To was. The only ships that had the course plot out were the <em>Millennium Falcon</em> and Luke’s ancient X-wing, which had been decommissioned almost immediately. No one had thought to download the route here because there was never a reason for anyone to come back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben could be safe, cared for by the Lanai if she could get them to tolerate him better than they tolerated her. And she would be able to find him and they could go back to being…this.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But he would be bored. Ben wouldn’t be happy hiding away here—especially by himself. And she knew that because <em>she </em>wouldn’t be happy here on her own. Plus there was the fact that Ben was just as restless as she was. There was a reason why they were constantly going on little excursions around the island. Why they were always training or meditating.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>No, being alone here would not be good for him either.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the upper hatch hissing open. Rey craned her neck to see Ben’s head poking through the hatch curiously.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey,” he greeted with a warm smile.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey’s insides went all funny as they always did when he smiled at her like that and all she could manage back was a semi-strangled “Hello.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben heaved himself out of the ship and onto the durasteel surface, causing his triceps and biceps to bulge most attractively. Rey stared far longer than she should have and found the need to press her legs together to relieve a pressure that was occurring more and more often.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben was completely oblivious to Rey’s gawking. He was too busy carefully picking his way carefully over to her to notice.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You know, if my father knew we were sitting on the top of his ship like this, I think he would have a conniption,” he commented lightly as he sat next to her. His leg pressed against hers and she had to fight the shiver of pleasure of the simple contact from manifesting tooth and nail. She clenched her knees together again instead and tried to focus on the conversation.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah?” she asked just as lightly, praying that her voice didn’t shake. “And what does his son think of it? Am I committing some cardinal sin by resting my rear on this beloved ship?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben scoffed and his eyes crinkled in the most adorable way as he did so. He was going to kill her. She just knew it. “I think it provides an excellent escape.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey smirked, “You snuck up here all the time, didn’t you?” She imagined a little black haired boy with ears that stuck out a little too far climbing out of the hatch and finding a quiet place to sit. The image was too adorable and served to cut away from some of the tension she was feeling within herself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben huffed a little laugh, “This was one of my favorite places to be,” he confessed. “I would sneak out here to think or to get away from it all. And dad would find out and throw a fit. But it never stopped me.” He leaned back on his hands and his broad shoulder brushed against Rey. She couldn’t stop the shudder this time. Her body relaxed at the contact and she sighed in contentment. Ben seemed to notice and leaned into her even more.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey glanced up at him, suddenly feeling shy with her heart leaping up in her throat. Such simple touches drove her mad. More, she always needed more.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But she never pressured him for more, knowing that he had been through so much trauma. She was determined to let him go at his own pace. But for now? Oh stars, she just wanted to kiss him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben’s thoughts seemed to mirror hers. His whiskey hued orbs moved from her eyes down to her lips and his gaze darkened. He lifted his hand to draw her in closer and it sent Rey’s heart racing. Slowly, so slowly he bent down and lowered his lips to hers. Rey responded in turn, drawing out her ascent partially to tease him for moving so slowly and partially because the anticipation drove her wild in the best way. They were close enough for their breath to coalesce, Ben’s lips were a hairsbreadth away from touching hers and her breath hitched, dying to connect to him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her eyes fluttered shut and even though she couldn’t see his expression, she knew he was smirking. He seemed to enjoy making her yearn for him. Rey didn’t know if she could survive if this was something he planned to do in the bedroom. The coil in her belly tightened and she could feel her legs tremble as another warm puff of air burst over her lips. She felt him move ever so slightly closer and then—</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>SQUAWK!</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben and Rey jumped apart and Rey looked wildly around for the culprit who ruined their moment. <em>There,</em> she thought grimly as she attempted to grab her lightsaber and teach the stupid porg a lesson.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The goofy creature warbled a bit and mooned its big, glassy eyes at her. She hissed and switched her lightsaber on.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben laughed—an actual real belly heaving one. He clutched at his sides as he watched Rey wave her golden blade threateningly at the offending creature. The stupid porg wouldn’t budge. It seemed to be transfixed by the waving, glowing blade and watched it open mouthed, its tiny fangs glinting in the glow.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey cursed again, flipped the igniter off and then Force shoved the stupid creature back. It squawked in indignation this time while it clumsily flapped down to the safety of solid stone below.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben was still in the throws of mirth when Rey huffed and sat back down next to him. She watched him in mostly feigned agitation as he stifled his laughs and wiped the tears that collected in his eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her chest felt so warm with pure happiness at the sound that she couldn’t hold the expression any longer and let it slip away only to be replaced with a bright smile. He was <em>laughing</em>. Rey had never heard such exuberance come from him before and she loved it. She wanted more of it. She could listen to it for every moment of every day for the rest of her life. The sound of it made her feel lighter than air—it drove through her and filled her with joy.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Eventually Ben stopped and held his arm out for her again and she quickly wrapped herself in his grasp once more. They sat in a warm silence together as the sky around them dimmed to nightfall.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben broke the silence first as he gently threaded his fingers through her hair, carding through the strands and softly breaking up the tangles.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You know, in Alderaan, there were several customs regarding one’s hair,” he started casually.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey hummed, enjoying the feel of his fingers raking down her scalp. “And what might they be?” she asked him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His fingers stilled for a moment as he thought through something. “Well, they’re mostly about braids. And meanings behind braids…and other things…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She turned her head to face Ben. In the starlight she could see a faint blush heating his cheeks and she smiled, tugging his dropped hands into hers.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Tell me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A small smile graced his lips and he squeezed her hand as the other one wrapped around her shoulder once more.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“My mother made a huge effort to make sure that I learnt all about the traditions of Alderaan. One that was particularly important to her and obvious to me was the way she wore her hair. I’m sure you’ve noticed as well.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey nodded, thinking of the crown braids and the beautiful weavings that Leia always wore.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“In Alderaanian culture, the types of braids and their arrangements have meaning. And there’s meaning to who braids your hair as well.” His fingers went back to the ends of her hair and Rey got the hint. Her face heated. Did he…?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She gulped, “And how does one go about deciding who should braid their hair?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben’s fingers stilled once more and his hand dropped back to her shoulder, heating the chilled skin.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well…you should only allow someone you trust to braid your hair…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey smiled softly at him, her heart leaping into her throat at the implication, “Ben, would you braid my hair for me?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben’s eyes softened and the sweetest smile graced his lips, as though he couldn’t actually believe that Rey had asked him to braid her hair. “Are—are you sure?” he asked hesitantly, his thumb drawing nervous circles on the apex of her shoulder.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes.” Simplicity was perhaps best in this case, as Ben’s smile broadened and he nudged Rey to sit with her back to him between his thighs.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey could hardly breathe while she was nestled with him in that position. Feeling the heat of his legs on either side was driving her mad. All she wanted to do was spin around and tackle him to the hull of the ship so that she could ravish him with kisses.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But the steady tug and weave of her strands managed to keep her grounded enough. She tried to keep her breathing as level and even as possible to disguise the longing she was feeling. Ben’s touch was intoxicating.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Eventually, he finished the braid and tied it off with the lone strip of leather she’d used on her hair today. She felt gingerly at her head and felt at what seemed to be two braids twisted together woven around her crown with the rest of her hair falling delicately to her shoulders. Rey wished that she could see it. It had to be beautiful. She couldn’t imagine Ben making anything contrary.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She turned slightly to face him. “What does it mean?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben seemed embarrassed to share, though she couldn’t fathom why. “Ben?” she asked when he didn’t answer her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That style of braid means grace and beauty. And when you add in a second braid, it means you’re…involved with someone.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey was speechless. She felt the heat rush not only to her face, but also to every square inch of her entire body.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben blanched, “I’m sorry, Rey, I should have asked you. I didn’t mean to presume—I just got carried away.” He scooted away from her a bit and shook his head, embarrassed. “I can do it again, one braid this time. Although you should probably take it out yourself…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ben—” he was still rambling, “Ben, stop!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He paused, eyes wide and mouth open and watched her. Rey felt her lips quirk up. She couldn’t contain the giddiness that consumed her as she launched herself into Ben’s arms and gave him a sound kiss on the cheek. “It’s perfect. I love it!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben’s mouth still gaped though his fingers now felt at the spot where she’d kissed him. She giggled a little at the adorable site. “You…don’t mind?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey shook her head, “No, I love it. I love the meaning of it. Especially the second part…” she trailed off as she averted her eyes for a second before glancing up at him through her lashes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was still working his mouth, his eyes adorably confused. “You like it? You’re okay with the two braids? And what it means?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Still smiling, Rey bit her bottom lip and nodded. “Yes. To all of it, yes.” It was more than she could have hoped for. Ben was showing her what he wanted, had claimed what she had willingly offered him from day one here. Nothing could have been more perfect.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Finally, Ben’s face cleared of confusion and a true smile lit his eyes. His arms wrapped around her as he captured her lips in heated passion. There was so much emotion bubbling in Rey’s heart that everything else was forgotten for now. There was nothing else but them and the perfect kiss they shared.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They sat up eventually and were content to watch the stars in silence. After what seemed like hours, Ben finally spoke up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ll never get used to seeing the star systems from this angle,” he mused thoughtfully while the tiny pinpoints of constellations and formations brightened into view. Rey kept quiet and was rewarded with more of Ben’s thoughts.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ve spent a lot of the past six years out here in the Unknown Regions and it’s always so strange to look out and expect to see a familiar system in a familiar place and have it be in a completely different area. And to see completely undiscovered systems beyond…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She took her eyes off of the glowing stars and watched his face, covered in a small smattering of moles that looked like a constellation in its own right. His face was open, almost awed as his eyes wandered from point to point in the sky above.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey swallowed, overtaken by the urge to kiss him again. She bit her lip instead and tore her attention off of his face, pressing herself into his side more firmly rather than pull him from his musings. He squeezed her gently in return and settled his head on hers, his soft hair falling in waves on her forehead. Rey’s chest squeezed and it felt like tiny little bubbles were imploding inside, making it hard for her to breathe. She didn’t care if she suffocated as long as it meant she could feel this way forever.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I never really noticed,” she finally spoke up, voice a little huskier than she wanted it to be. “And I don’t know much about the star systems anyway. There was never a need for me to learn. Will you show me? Will you tell me about the stars, Ben?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben looked down at her, eyes wide in surprise and something dangerously akin to pity. Rey wanted to be offended but found that she couldn’t be mad at him for it. It <em>was</em> sad, after all. Rey might know how to fix anything in the galaxy handed to her, she might know more languages than she can count and she might be an excellent pilot. But she was woefully uneducated when it came to matters of the galaxy. She wanted to learn everything she possibly could about the thousands of planets and moons that were teeming with life and Ben could help her start.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay,” he agreed with a gentle smile, taking her hand and guiding it up to the sky. He pointed almost straight ahead to a lone star that was barely visible. “Do you see that straight ahead? That’s the Jakku System.” He paused to let Rey see it. After a moment of searching, she found it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I hate that place,” Rey muttered with a scowl.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben chuckled softly, his ribs bouncing against hers. “If I have anything to do with it, you’ll never have to step onto that Force-forsaken hell hole of a planet ever again.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey’s lips quirked into a faintly bitter smile, “I’ll hold you to it then,” she replied. “What else can you show me? Something a little more green perhaps? Or oh! I know, how about your home planet. Can you show me Chandrila?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her handsome, dark haired companion squinted up at the sky and then leaned forward, leaving Rey without his warmth to a tragically long moment. He muttered to himself for a second before straightening up and pulling her back in.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s actually ahead too, but the cluster is too dense for me to point it out. Sorry…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Would you take me there, one day?” She couldn’t believe the words slipped from her mouth, but here she was, letting stupid stuff get through.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her cheeks flooded with incendiary heat and she dropped her gaze. Her breathing picked up while Ben’s stilled. Rey could feel his heavy gaze one her—she heard him almost break his neck when he whipped around to face her after his question. Silence.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Then a cracked, “Would—would you want me to?” He made it seem like she had just asked him something insane. As if he couldn’t believe what she asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Shame colored her cheeks even more if it were possible and now Rey’s hands clenched tightly. She could feel her nails cutting into her skin again. She drew in a shaky breath, deciding to continue since she had already done some damage.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>What was the worst he could say? No? The thought crushed her even though it shouldn’t.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Of course I would, Ben. D-do you not want to take me?” she replied in a quiet voice. Rey risked a glance up at him. Ben’s face was an open book, emotions running like ink on wet pages. Sorrow, wonder, incredulity, hope.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Rey,” he began earnestly, pulling her into him and resting his forehead against hers, “I would take you <em>everywhere</em>. Anywhere you want to go.” He breathed against her heavily, “If you wanted to travel for the rest of your life exploring the galaxy, I want to be there with you.” He pulled away, a sad smile etched across his face. “Nothing would make me happier” And Rey knew that nothing would make <em>her </em>happier either.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben spoke up again, sounding a little forlorn, “I thought that the braid I placed in your hair made that clear?”</p>
<p>           </p>
<p>“I’m sorry…just residual insecurities from my childhood abandonment manifesting, I suppose,” she joked weakly. “You’ve made your intentions perfectly clear.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And as she said those words, Rey knew that she would never tire of traveling the galaxy with Ben. They could do it too. They had the <em>Falcon</em>…they could leave tonight if they wanted and she would never look back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His face grew more melancholy at her confession and the expression tied to the resignation in his words about traveling caused Rey to register something.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her quickly realized dream was just that. A dream. Eventually, Rey would have to go back to her friends and Ben? Ben couldn’t go anywhere near Chandrila or any other Core world if he wanted to keep his head. Once it was discovered that he was still alive, Ben would be guaranteed to be the most wanted man in the galaxy.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben knew that. There were unspoken words in his confession. <em>I would take you everywhere </em>if I could.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey knew it wasn’t possible, but it couldn’t hurt to pretend for the evening, could it? So she relaxed into him and asked, “Where would you take me?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The silence lasted for ten heartbeats before he answered slowly. “Well…maybe we could start with somewhere green and jungle-like. Like Onderon or Kashyyk—somewhere that is the complete opposite from Jakku.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey hummed, “I love jungle planets. I’ve lived on a jungle moon, Ajan Kloss for the past year, you know.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Really? Is that where the Resistance hid all that time?” Ben asked with the curiosity of a man who had been stumped on a riddle for ages. “Huh. Well that makes sense. Good foliage to cover activity, large enough of a population to not draw the First Order’s suspicions. Well done.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben went thoughtful again; “Well maybe we’ll start somewhere different to give you a break from jungle humidity. Have you been to a densely populated world yet? I would want to take you to Chandrila. I’d show you my home and the Silver Sea of course.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It sounds lovely, Ben. Let’s start there.” Rey snuggled further into his side. “Where to next?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ve always wanted to visit Ragoon VI. I’ve heard that it glows blue like a backlit sapphire as you approach it. It’s untouched by civilization too. And then maybe we could go somewhere different, like Glee Anslem. I want to take you to a real beach where you wouldn’t ever want to leave the water. Not that the beach you found here isn’t great. The weather on Glee Anslem is just decidedly more tropical.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We would never leave,” Rey agreed. Ben was so warm, so comfortable; she was starting to suspect that she would never leave her spot nestled against him, either.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But I think the planet I would want to take you to the most out of all would be Naboo.” He murmured as he looked down at her. “It’s where my grandmother, Padme Amidala came from. And…your grandfather,” he added haltingly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey stiffened and sat up a little, “Why would I want to go anywhere that man stepped foot?” Since finding out she shared blood with that disgusting creature, she’d done everything she could to ignore it. The thought that she was related to the man that ruined the galaxy and had destroyed billions of lives made her stomach rife with nausea. Better off to pretend she was a nobody than to accept her lineage,</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Because it’s a part of who we are,” Ben replied lowly, surprisingly sympathetic. Or she supposed it was empathy… He was under the shadow of another dark legacy of his own. Still, Rey didn’t want to think about how her grandfather was Sheev Palpatine. Ever.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And it’s one of the most beautiful planets in the Galaxy.” Ben continued on, driving them away from the subject of heritage briefly before diving back in. “I think it would be good for us to go. You could learn about your family—barring your grandfather, of course. You might even have family there on your mother’s side.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey remained silent, fighting against the anger that festered at the mention of that evil man. Her father had been a clone of Palpatine’s. And she highly doubted that her mother came from the planet. But maybe it wouldn’t hurt to look around.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Tell me more about Naboo.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ve only been a few times and even then I was fairly young…but from what I remember, it’s green. Lots of forests, green fields, lakes and the most beautiful buildings I’ve ever seen. Theed is…amazing. And the Lake Country? I would live there forever if I could ever settle down.” He sighed, deep in the memory of the place.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey was struck with the desire to join him there, to see what he was seeing. An aching yearning rolled through her. Would his dream of settling in the Lake Country of Naboo include her? After tonight, she liked to think that it did.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben wasn’t done yet. He continued in a distant voice and Rey listened with rapture. “My grandmother’s family gave their lake estate to my mother years ago. She never went. She said it was too painful for her to visit the home of a mother she never knew. But it’s in my family’s name now and I would make it home…” A bitter laugh resounded in his chest as if what he said was ridiculous. “Varykino. It’s a whole private island. And the name of the estate itself.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He rose up to a straight-seated position and Rey followed in suit. Ben gazed down at her, a strange look in his eyes, “Would you stay with me? Could you see yourself hiding away with me forever there?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He looked so sad, maddened by impossibilities, wondering about a theoretical future that in all likelihood, could never be.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben would never be allowed to settle once the New Republic knew he was still around. He would have to live a life on the run. But Rey wished that it could be. How she wished that they could escape to that little island and live there forever.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes,” she breathed, “I would. I would stay there with you forever.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A sweet expression overcame Ben’s face and Rey thought maybe she saw the stars in his eyes for just the briefest of moments. He kissed her then, soft and slowly. Rey felt herself melting away, enjoying his ministrations. There was a deep heat growing in her bones and radiating out. She could do this forever, but she needed to make one thing perfectly clear to him before they continued.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ben,” she murmured, breaking the kiss, “I would go with you <em>anywhere</em>.” She held his gaze and swallowed. “If you asked me, I would go with you to the Galaxy’s edge and beyond.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When Ben looked at her this time, Rey knew she saw the stars in his eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. The Swim: Part One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Soooo... chapter twelve was a whopping twenty-six pages in Word, so I cut her in two. I'll continue to edit the second half and have part two up tomorrow. </p><p>On the topic of editing, is having a beta reader common? Cause I want one! I want my story to be better cause I feel kinda blah about it at the moment.</p><p>TRIGGER WARNING! There is some open ocean swimming. Nothing bad happens. Just letting everyone know in case there are readers with water phobias.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>CHAPTER TWELVE: </p><p> </p><p>The sounds of the surf crashing soothed Rey while the briny spray cooled her. The sudden heat wave was surprising for a planet comprised of one ocean dotted with tiny islands, but it had come all the same. It was the hottest the weather had been since Rey had come to Ahch-To and she was sweating copiously, sweltering in the thick air.</p><p> </p><p>Regardless of the heat, Ben and Rey had decided early on that they did not wish to stay on board the cool confines of the <em>Millennium Falcon</em> all day, so they had no choice but to set out for the beach, the only place they could keep cool outdoors.</p><p> </p><p>Rey looked down at her and Ben’s intertwined hands, never tiring of the feel of his large one engulfing her decidedly smaller one. That one connection of flesh set her nerves humming with electricity. She craved his touch now—never felt complete without it these days. And Rey knew that Ben felt the same way without him needing to say a word. She knew based on how he would always have his hand resting on her leg while they ate at the dejarik table and how he would run his fingers up and down her spine while they lie in bed together, sending pleasant chills down her back. She knew based on the way he caressed her face when they kissed and how he would cradle her against him through the night, staving off nightmares.</p><p> </p><p>Her eyes travelled up his muscular form and connected with deep, brown eyes. She loved those eyes. They were so full of emotion—always expressing the ocean within, always reflecting the stars. More often than not these days, they expressed a losing battle with his inner demons and it broke Rey’s heart. She wanted to make his pain go away.</p><p> </p><p>Today was one of his good days, and instead they expressed a pure, innocent happiness that she knew was reserved only for her.</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s face split into a broad grin and he squeezed her hand. “Are you ready to show me how accomplished you are now as a swimmer?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey nodded in determination. She was ready. In the several times that they had been back to the beach since that first time, Ben had taken care to teach her more about swimming. She now felt like a semi-competent swimmer…for the most part. There were still times when she felt like she was being dragged down feet first and she would have to fight hard to self-correct. But those instances were becoming less and less common as her body almost intrinsically adapted to aquatic maneuvering.</p><p> </p><p>Her eyes caught on a jagged outcropping of rocks set apart from the main island, its small peaked points a weak imitation. They had marked that at their destination, a test as it were, to see if Rey had mastered swimming as she’d started claiming. And she really believed that she had. Her body felt ready for the challenge. She was eager to test herself.</p><p> </p><p>Ben was a bit more skeptical, of course. He liked to remind her that the ocean was challenging for even the strongest swimmers. But he had agreed readily enough. He believed in her.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright, lets do it then,” Ben responded lightly to her simple nod. They began walking down to the shoreline, still hand in hand. “Remember,” Ben started repeating to Rey, “If you begin to tire, let me know and we can tread for a bit until you feel ready to go on. If you start to feel uncomfortable with the depths we’re in, let me know and we can turn around and swim back—”</p><p> </p><p>Rey made an angry sound and interjected, “I am <em>not </em>going to get scared, Ben. I’m a bloody Jedi, I can do this.” She glared at him, feeling a bit affronted that he thought so little of her stamina and bravery.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey, stop. I’m not trying to question your capabilities.” Ben stopped them thigh deep in the water—well hip deep for Rey. He looked down to catch her eyes, trying to mollify her while maintaining what he said earlier. “There are a lot of things that could go wrong swimming in the open ocean. Currents that make it hard to swim against, exhaustion, predators. I’m just trying to keep both of us safe. That outcropping looks like it’s close to a kilometer away from here and about half of that distance is beyond the shelf. Plus, even as capable as you are, you are still a new swimmer and I am a very out of practice swimmer.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s annoyance at his concern faded just a bit as she listened. He just wanted them to be safe, she reasoned. But she still had to try not to roll her eyes while Ben lectured her about water safety and all the reasoning behind it <em>again</em>. “I understand, Ben. I’m sorry, I just don’t like feeling like I’m being treated as if I were helpless.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben smirked this time and waved off the apology as he stepped closer to her. “Rey, you are probably the least helpless person I know,” he informed her with a gleam in his eye and a quick peck on the lips.</p><p> </p><p>Rey lifted a brow in amusement, “Except for in the ocean, of course?” she joked questioningly.</p><p> </p><p>Ben ignored her and walked ahead before calling back at her, “I guess we’re about to find out.” He dove into the iron water and began swimming, taking sure strokes and gliding smoothly through the waves.</p><p> </p><p>All Rey could do was laugh weakly in response as she felt new nerves mix with that blooming warmth she always felt around him. Then with a deep breath, she pushed off the sandy bottom and swam after him.</p><p> </p><p>What Rey first noticed about five minutes in is that Ben made the whole swimming thing look easy. Sure she had gotten the rhythm of the basics, but where he looked like he was cutting through the water as effortlessly as a lightsaber blade through flimsiplast, Rey felt like she was moving as gracefully as a porg pathetically waddling through the long grass on the cliffs above. She felt so cumbersome in the water and her progress was slow because of her inefficient movements. </p><p> </p><p>Honestly, she might just prefer the feel of the endlessly shifting sands on Jakku to this pathetic flopping she knew she was engaging in. At least in the sand she felt at home and knew its unstable nature. The ocean though? Always shifting and pulling? She could do without it.</p><p> </p><p>Part of it was because she insisted on wearing her leggings and tunic on the swim. The outcropping they were swimming to looked positively jagged and she didn’t want to cut herself up while they inevitably climbed it. The other reason was that she just didn't feel natural. Perhaps that came with time and patience. But Rey was not a patient person when it came to gaining skills.</p><p> </p><p>It was difficult fighting through the waves she realized grumpily as she watched Ben crest over one with unbelievable ease. She tried to copy him, but still ended up fighting clumsily through the churning water.</p><p> </p><p>Ben paused often to watch Rey’s progress but he held back from helping her. Rey knew all Ben wanted to do was come back and swim beside her, but she had made it very clear to him that she wanted to do this without someone babying her the whole way.</p><p> </p><p>The fact that he had listened showed her that he respected her and trusted her and Rey’s chest filled with warmth thinking of Ben’s regard for her autonomy. It meant more to her than he could comprehend.</p><p> </p><p>Having lived alone for so long and learning to struggle to survive on her own had cultivated an unbreakable independence that she was loathe to give up. And so the fact that Ben, a man who should by all means should be protective and overbearing, trusted her to take care of her self? Well, that was amazing.</p><p> </p><p>Not many of her friends would actually treat her that way. It was like they didn't trust her completely. She thought of Finn in particular, who certainly would be right next to her, checking in every few seconds or so to make sure she wasn’t too tired or to give her tips.</p><p> </p><p>She sent feelings of gratitude and appreciation to Ben, who waved off the gesture with a bashful wave through the bond. She smiled.</p><p> </p><p>After some more leg burning effort, Rey seemed to finally break free of the swells and swimming became marginally easier. She grinned and gained on Ben, though she didn’t quite catch up. She blamed his unnatural height and freakishly broad shoulders. He was still checking back, but seemed to be more at ease with Rey getting past their initial oceanic obstacle.</p><p> </p><p>Rey tread water for a moment to catch her breath before looking down. The blue water still seemed relatively light here. She could make out jagged shadows below and knew that the bottom wasn’t too far away. She lifted her eyes up to where Ben swam and nearly blanched. The water was much darker there. He had gone over the continental shelf and was now swimming over the depths. Rey’s breathing picked up in sharp bursts.</p><p> </p><p>She was feeling strangely scared about leaving behind the safety of visible sea floor.</p><p> </p><p>Ben said this might happen. So she reminded herself of what he told her to do if she started feeling that way. <em>Keep your body relaxed</em>. She loosened the tension in her limbs. <em>Don’t panic</em>. She calmed her breathing and tried to feel at peace. <em>Try not to think about what is below. </em>Rey grit her teeth and then propelled herself forward once more.</p><p> </p><p>She forcefully smothered the fear she felt and masked it so that Ben couldn't feel it as she crossed the line that distinguished the end of the ledge and the beginning of the open ocean. Then she thought about what creatures might be lurking underneath her and she panicked…</p><p> </p><p>Her movements became jerky as fear spiked in her blood and she looked ahead, zoning in on the outcropping still a half a kilometer away.</p><p> </p><p>Every thought in Rey’s mind was dedicated to getting to the rocks as quickly as possible. She couldn’t stop thinking about things that might be following her below. She could sense the countless life forms down there and it made her skin prickle uncomfortably to know that there were so many. Rey’s muscles burned from the exertion of constant kicking. She swam more quickly now and was nearly caught up to Ben. He heard her approaching and began to tread water so that he could talk to her.</p><p> </p><p>He smiled at her with evident pride, “You’re swimming so well, Rey!” Then his smile faltered as he noticed the fear plainly written across her face. “Are you okay? Did you see something back there?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey swam past him, intent on getting to that outcropping as soon as possible to feel solid ground beneath her once more.</p><p> </p><p>“Just happened to stare into the deep depths of hell when I should have kept my eyes ahead,” she called out raggedly, her words punctuated with sharp panting. She was so tired, but so close. She could do it. Just a little further.</p><p> </p><p>Rey could imagine the silly grin on Ben’s face but tried not to think about what was going on in his mind. He warned her that a lot of people feared the ocean. He warned her that swimming while within the boundaries of the continental shelf felt much different than swimming over the abyss. But she hadn’t believed him. And now she was trying to fight back panic so that she could keep moving.</p><p> </p><p>The rocks were finally within blessed reach and Rey quickly scrambled up onto the first rock she could find, thanking the Force, the Maker—any and all deities in the galaxy that she made it without dying. She lay back on the craggy surface and stay motionless while her chest heaved and legs burned. Relief pounded through her exhausted limbs, making them feel numb and leaden. She never wanted to leave this rock again. She was going to have to live here now, wasn’t she? <em>Kriff.</em> She groaned and threw her arm over her eyes. What had she gotten herself into?</p><p> </p><p>After a few moments, Rey felt a familiar presence and the heavy warmth of a body drawing near her. Ben had made it to the outcropping and pulled himself to the ledge. His hand went to the thigh that was closest to him and he rubbed it soothingly. She shivered. His touch had a calming influence. She could feel her shoulders relax and then her back and at last, she opened her eyes and saw Ben peering down at her in concern. She could feel his worry through the bond.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you alright, Rey?” he asked carefully as she sat up. That proved a mistake. Rey’s world churned and she had to lie down again.</p><p> </p><p>“No,” she groaned. “What is happening to me?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben released a relieved chuckle and lay down next to her. She grabbed his hand and held tight, relishing in their closeness and willing the dizziness away.</p><p> </p><p>“Tell me what’s on your mind,” he asked with a squeeze. He could easily figure that out by accessing their bond, but it was sweet that he wanted her to tell him instead.</p><p><br/>
Rey was silent for a moment as she thought over every emotion she had while swimming. She pushed the embarrassment she felt over the fearful feeling she experienced as she crossed over from the shelf to open water through the bond. “You were right,” she finally admitted sheepishly, “I wasn’t ready for open ocean swimming. And now I feel like I’m constantly spinning and shifting.”</p><p> </p><p>She closed her eyes, remembering the terror she felt when she peered down into the black abyss. How could she swim back through that? Worse still, how could she admit her fears to Ben? Ben, who was so certain that she was braver, more fearless than anyone he knew? The thought made her want to curl up and disappear. What would he think of her if he knew how scared she was now?</p><p> </p><p>“That’s normal,” he told her, “The current messes with your inner ear and makes you feel vertigo. It will pass soon, don’t worry.”</p><p> </p><p><em>Well, at least the nausea will pass soon</em>, she thought with chagrin. Now what to do with this crippling new fear of ocean depths?</p><p> </p><p>Rey supposed she shouldn’t be surprised. She did grow up on a desert after all, where there was not so much as a puddle to wade in. She supposed that she should feel proud for coming out as far as she did. But Rey was a fighter—she knew that as surely as she knew she had brown hair or that her left knee ached in the rain. And Rey did not like being scared of anything.</p><p> </p><p>Ben could sense that something else was troubling her, he felt out tentatively, asking silently what was bothering her. She kept the fear hidden firmly behind her shields, not wanting him to know about it.</p><p> </p><p>When she at last felt stilled enough to sit up, she noticed his deep eyes watching her with concern. Those tumultuous eyes expressed his need for her to share herself with him. How could she hide anything from him? He’d been vulnerable with her far more than she had been with him. And realizing that she couldn’t deny him, she let go and finally opened up.</p><p> </p><p>It took a moment to find the words. She cleared her throat and looked down at her feet, ashamed. “The sight of those endless depths scared me. But I just couldn’t let myself quit, so I swam as fast as I could.” She clenched her hands and rolled her eyes at herself, embarrassed to be admitting weakness—especially in front of Ben. She wanted him to always see her as strong and fearless. She didn't want to shatter that illusion he had of her.</p><p> </p><p>“I hate that it scared me so much. But crossing over that shelf to open waters—I don’t feel fear often, Ben. But thinking about what could be hiding down there—and the fact that I would be completely helpless if something decided to attack? It terrified me.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey drew in a shuddering breath and felt Ben’s warmth spread across her as he rested his arm around her shoulders.</p><p> </p><p>“That is <em>completely</em> normal too,” he murmured in her ear, tucking her head against his chest and running his fingers through her wet, roughened hair. The crown braids were soggy and coming apart. They weren’t going to make it through the swim back. The realization made her feel more than a little sad. Maybe he could braid it back in for her if she asked?</p><p> </p><p>“You should never feel bad about admitting something so human. Especially to me, Rey.” He paused and she could feel raw emotion radiating off of him—for her. “I’ll be with you the entire way back. I promise.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s stomach dropped at the thought of having to swim over the depths again, but the fact that she would have Ben next to her did a little to lessen the fear trying to claw its way out of her.</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s promise and the way he just…comforted her. Is that what’s supposed to happen? <em>If I let myself be vulnerable, he…comforts me? He didn’t laugh or anything.</em> It felt good, Rey realized, to confide in someone and have them so readily accept it.</p><p> </p><p>She withdrew from her inner monologue, bit at her lip apprehensively and nodded, finally agreeing to go back. “Alright,” she replied a little shakily, “I can do it.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey craned her neck to glance up at him and noticed the brooding expression that marred his handsome face. “Ben?” she asked him, breaking him from the reverie he was in. He was upset about something. She wondered if he was upset with her. Anxiety gripped her; <em>maybe her confession </em>had <em>bothered him?</em> But the feeling was short lived. His expression changed to a guilty one the moment his brown eyes connected with her hazel ones.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s wrong?” It was her turn to ask now.</p><p> </p><p>Ben wiped a heavy hand down his face and kept it there, “I’m sorry that I convinced you to swim all the way out here. It was stupid. I should have known that you might feel…uneasy about coming out this far.”</p><p> </p><p><em>Uneasy is putting it mildly</em>, Rey thought with amusement. But she was the one who didn’t listen to his concerns when he said something about them. It was just as much her fault, if not more so than his.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s my fault,” she interjected not wanting him to take the blame. “I let my pride get in the way and didn’t listen.”</p><p> </p><p>He showed no sign of having heard her, instead choosing to continue to stare down at his feet.</p><p> </p><p><em>It’s time to get this Force forsaken swim over with</em>, she sighed and steeled herself before standing with a groan. Her legs were going to be very sore tomorrow. Come to think of it, everything would be sore tomorrow…</p><p> </p><p>She turned and offered her hand to Ben’s sitting form. Rey hoped that holding her hand brought as much comfort to him as his hand brought her. “Come on, let’s get this over with. I want to get back to solid land.”</p><p> </p><p>To his credit, Ben erased the guilt from his face and smiled at her determination, taking her hand firmly lacing his fingers with his.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. The Swim: Part Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>One of my younger sisters fear of the ocean inspired me to write that fear into Rey. And I thought that it especially made sense because Rey lived in a desert for at least fourteen years with no exposure to open water. Plus, as much as I love swimming in the ocean (I'm willing to swim out pretty far), I am preeeeeeetty sure I would be uncomfy to swim past the continental shelf where things get deep real fast. </p><p> </p><p>Part two of our pair's swimming adventure.</p><p>This chapter turns a little angsty and guys, our babies are stupid! They are so cute but they are absolutely idiots when it comes to the other. So just bear with their idiocy. They'll learn. Hopefully.</p><p> </p><p>TRIGGER WARNINGS: some scary snizz goes down in the water. Depression and anxiety. Suicidal ideation. Some heavy emotions featured in this chapter. Please proceed with caution.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>CHAPTER THIRTEEN: The Swim: Part Two</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Swimming back was still terrifying to Rey, but Ben’s solid presence kept her calm enough to get back cross over the island’s shelf.</p><p> </p><p>It was as if the tension in her body broke like a dam whenever he was near—especially now. As the water below lightened, indicating that the sea floor was was rising up, Rey began smiling and eventually laughing at the sheer absurdity of what they had done. It caught Ben unawares, startling him for a moment, but when he saw her face, he relaxed too and joined her.</p><p> </p><p>Eventually Rey had swum far enough for her feet to touch the sand and she settled, savoring the feel of the soft, gritty earth beneath her toes. She looked to Ben, who was floating over a wave. His eyes were closed and he seemed at peace. Rey breathed in deeply, loving the sight of him looking so...happy. She felt that same peace now and waded over to Ben’s drifting form, arms itching to wrap herself in his arms.</p><p> </p><p>As she made her way over to him, her thoughts drifted back to the swim. She had conquered her fears and made it back to the shore, she felt the beginnings of a crazed grin that only came after accomplishing such feats.</p><p> </p><p>There was an overwhelming sense of accomplishment mingled with adrenaline and relief that it was over. The swim had been terrifying. She felt amazing now that they were back—elation and pride swirled together into one. But she was quite certain that she would never willingly do such a thing again. <em>One and done.</em></p><p> </p><p>She neared Ben, who remained still, his eyes closed, brow relaxed. He still hadn’t noticed her. A thought crept into her mind and she bit her lip, trying to keep a smirk off of her face. She crouched and prowled forward, noting with satisfaction how the sounds of the crashing waves disguised the sloshing sounds of her wading and then she <em>pounced</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Ben yelped in the most undignified manner before they both went under a wave. His arms wrapped around her and locked her against his chest before he popped them up out of the crashing water.</p><p> </p><p>“Nice try!” he laughed as Rey tried to struggle out of his grip. He had her locked in nice and snuggly as she tried to fight a smile. But just because she enjoyed being there didn’t mean she wanted to be crushed, so she pushed her hands against his chest in a futile gambit to break free. <em>Come on budge</em>! She huffed in frustration and stopped fighting not long after; she knew when a battle was lost.</p><p> </p><p>“You knew I was coming,” she accused after a beat. Ben still held her as he waded to the shoreline.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, yes.” He answered her bluntly, a silly grin stretching his lips. His dark hair plastered all over his forehead and Rey was struck with the urge to run her fingers across the expanse. “You do realize that I can sense you all the time, right?” He set her down on the wet sand and she automatically grabbed his thigh as he plopped down next to her. “I’m pretty good at the Force stuff. Plus, you know, the bond.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey wrinkled her nose but didn’t say anything, choosing instead to watch the white birds in the distance. She couldn’t help but feel a little disgruntled at her failed attempt. That had been her only chance in weeks to get back at him since their first day here and she had been thwarted.</p><p> </p><p>Eventually she glanced over at Ben and observed him quietly. He looked outrageously attractive with his wet hair and bare chest moving up and down slowly, still glistening with crystalline droplets. He stared out in the distance, looking relaxed and…content. Ben always looked good to Rey, but there was something magical about him when he was visibly genuinely happy.</p><p> </p><p>She sighed happily at the peace that currently wrapped around them like a blanket and scooted closer to him.</p><p> </p><p>The feel of their legs pressing together caught Ben’s attention and he looked down at her curiously. Rey looked away and down to his leg, drawing random patterns lightly with the pads of her fingers. She hid a smile when she felt him shudder and expanded her path to the tender flesh of his inner thigh. The shuddering intake of breath she heard after awoke that primal drive in her and her own breathing began to pick up.</p><p> </p><p>Rey bit her lip and met his eyes. Ben watched her intently, making no move to stop her ministrations. By the way he was breathing, hands relaxed at his sides, Rey thought that maybe he was enjoying the sensation of her fingers tracing his skin. And that excited her.</p><p> </p><p>Emboldened by his relaxed posture, she tried to communicate what she wanted from him without words. Ben’s breath hitched and his eyes darkened. Her heart skipped a beat at the significance. They slowly turned to face each other and Ben’s face drew closer to hers. He hesitated, searching her eyes briefly for her obvious confirmation before his lips captured her own.</p><p> </p><p>Sparks ignited. Nothing else in the world existed outside of that kiss. Rey felt her world heat and reform over and over again as their lips melded together over and over again. She couldn’t imagine anything more wonderful than being kissed by Ben Solo.</p><p> </p><p>Lightning quick, Ben shifted to kneel over her, his arms caging her in and deepening their kiss. His tongue grazed her lips, eliciting a moan from deep within her and gaining access to the recesses of her mouth. He tasted like the sea, tangy with salt and sunshine.</p><p> </p><p>After a time, Ben broke the kiss and trailed small kisses down her neck and across the tender skin of her shoulder. She gasped and bit her at her kiss swollen bottom lip, enjoying the spread of heat from every little connection his lips made with her skin. So very slowly, he made his way back up to the soft spot between her jaw and her ear and breathed out, sending goose flesh rippling all over her body. She shuddered and saw Ben open his eyes, clouded with desire. His whiskey eyes seemed to communicate his need for her, pressing his readiness into her soul with their heated intensity.</p><p> </p><p><em>Good</em>, she thought through the haze. <em>I’m ready too.</em> Rey pushed him roughly back into a seated position and moved to straddle him. She pulled his lips to hers once more. Their tongues danced and their breath mingled. Rey could feel Ben beneath her, asking to be released. She wanted him to, almost begged him to do it. Her hand moved for the waistband of his undergarments to oblige him, but he froze up and grasped her wrist, effectively stopping her.</p><p> </p><p>The kisses softened again, just like the last time.</p><p> </p><p>Frustration built as he kissed her jaw lightly. Rey broke away to look at him, panting and mind still fuzzed with longing.</p><p> </p><p>Ben had a strange look in his eyes. Desire mingled with restraint, love mixed with hatred. Conflict. It seared through him and froze him to the ground. She didn’t understand why he stopped. She could see how badly he wanted to commit—felt it reverberate through his soul and into their bond. But he had pulled away from her despite the overwhelming passion felt between the two <em>again</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Why? Why had he pulled away? Did he not want her?</p><p> </p><p>Rey hurt. It felt like her heart was breaking. The first time, she could understand. They had just reunited and hardly knew each other. He didn’t believe that she truly felt anything for him. But now? She thought that she had proven herself to him. Had she failed after all? Could he still really not see how much he meant to her? Or did he see it and realized that he didn’t want to be with her?</p><p> </p><p>Another shard in her heart as she realized, finally putting the words together that had refused to manifest until now—she wanted to be with Ben. She really, truly loved him. Rey wanted to spend her days and nights with him and grow old with him. Her breathing quickened and she backed away on her knees, sticky sand coating her shins.</p><p> </p><p>She couldn’t believe how stupid she had been. Why would he want her? She was just a desert rat from Jakku. He was the elevated son of a famed and beloved senator and a war hero. He could have whomever he wanted. Perfect princesses, articulate senators, beautiful heiresses. She couldn't match up to what he'd certainly grown up around. </p><p> </p><p>She just automatically assumed that because she was in love with Ben Solo, it must mean he was in love with her too. Heat flooded her face. She felt completely mortified.</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s face dropped and guilt quickly filled it. He reached out to her, but she dodged him and backed away into the waves. “Rey—wait!” he called but she didn’t stop. She couldn’t. She had to get away from him.</p><p> </p><p>“Let me explain!”</p><p> </p><p><em>Explain what</em>, Rey sent to him bitterly, her soul fractured and aching sharply. <em>Explain why you've rejected me again</em>? <em>I don't want to hear it.</em></p><p> </p><p>She shut down her side of the bond, not wanting to hear anything from him.</p><p> </p><p>Why had he braided her hair last night? Why tell her of the significance of the braids if he didn’t actually mean it? Why had he asked her to theoretically journey across the universe with him—settle with him in a hidden lake villa if he didn’t feel the same way?</p><p> </p><p>Everything hurt. Was she not enough for him? Was she too simple for him? A crushing wave of loneliness overtook her. Rey hadn’t felt that way since she came to Ahch-To.</p><p> </p><p>She didn’t know where to go, so she moved further out into the sea. Ben just stood there helplessly, watching her swim away. <em>Good</em>, she thought angrily, let him stay there looking like a fool. He <em>is</em> a fool.</p><p> </p><p>The tumult of emotion that crashed within her reminded her of the constant motion beneath her. She tried to clear her mind, but she couldn’t. Humiliated, Rey flipped to her back and tried to forget Ben Solo and his stupid games. She shut her eyes and forced her mind to relax first before opening herself to the flow of the Force.</p><p> </p><p>As it wrapped itself around her, Rey’s blood froze, all at once becoming aware of some primordial signature rapidly approaching. All she could do before she was pulled under water was take a deep breath and scream Ben’s name.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Rey’s piercing scream broke Ben out of the haze of guilt he was rapidly drowning in.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben!” came the terrifying shriek. It was unearthly. Ben jolted up and looked for Rey out in the water. He couldn’t see her anywhere.</p><p> </p><p>Nothing. Nowhere. No, no, no! This couldn’t be happening. Ben’s hands shook as his eyes darted back and forth over the area where he had last seen Rey. Panic bloomed in his chest and he reached out, feeling for her.</p><p> </p><p>“REY!” he shouted as loudly as he could. Her name ripped from his throat.</p><p> </p><p>There! Ripples in the water, heading toward the cliffs. As if to confirm, Rey broke free of the water and let out a blood-curdling scream. Ice ran through Ben’s veins.</p><p> </p><p>“REY!” Ben screamed again.</p><p> </p><p>Something had Rey. A creature—large and lithe, was fighting Rey tooth and nail and Ben knew that it didn’t matter how strong Rey was—didn’t matter that she was the most powerful Force-sensitive individual he had ever met.</p><p> </p><p>That thing would overpower her and she would be gone. His other half would be gone. Adrenaline coursed through him as he determined to stop that thing. He would kill it.</p><p> </p><p>Moving faster than he had ever moved in his life, Ben Solo retrieved the blaster Rey always carried from her discarded holster and sprinted to the rocky cliffs that bordered an inlet. That was where the thing was taking her.</p><p> </p><p><em>Hold on Rey</em>, Ben thought desperately. <em>I’m coming</em>.</p><p> </p><p>He leapt up the rocks and outcroppings, not caring about the scrapes and cuts he was rapidly collecting. He was desperate to get to a ledge and reach out for Rey. Ben’s body stiffened as he heard another cry for help, but he forced himself to stay calm. He wasn’t going to do Rey any favors if he couldn’t keep a handle on himself when she needed him.</p><p> </p><p>And if he could hear her, that meant she was still getting oxygen—still getting fighting. He still had a chance.</p><p> </p><p>Ben skidded to a stop and spotted the thing. It was huge and reminded him of a longer, more marine looking krayt dragon. The comparison only served to terrify him more. Rey should be dead. It was a miracle that she was still alive.</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t have much time. And now it was rapidly diving down, dragging Rey’s small form with it. Could he force it away from her? He reached out, but he couldn’t separate it from Rey’s energy. He cursed violently, limbs jerking in an effort to hold back and assess for just a moment. He couldn’t risk it without killing Rey in the process.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Keep it together, Solo!</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Ben swore again, feeling hysteria bubble up within his chest. The creature was too far away for Ben to jump to naturally. He backed up as far as he was willing and began sprinting again, grasping for the Force to propel himself forward. His stomach heaved at the momentary weightlessness of the jump and he tried to concentrate and take aim with the small blaster.</p><p> </p><p>In rapid succession, he shot at the thing trying to kill Rey. He prayed harder than he ever had before that he made contact.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Rey’s lungs burned as she tried to fight the giant predator off of her. Panic spread through her in mere heartbeats, numbing her senses and disorienting her. She needed air and soon. The creature pulled her deeper and deeper to the point where she could not see the dying light of day. <em>No</em>! Her mind cried out as she felt it tug further into the depths. She pounded her fists against the smooth surface of whatever had her. It didn’t budge.</p><p> </p><p>When it first pulled her down, she had tried to Force push it away. Nothing happened. It was too big and too angry. When the push failed, Rey felt true fear for the first time. She hadn’t been fearful when she faced Snoke, disfigured and ruthless. Nor when she faced her wretched grandfather on Exegol. She had been scared, yes. But those experiences were nothing compared to the animalistic terror she felt surging through her body in this moment.</p><p> </p><p>She felt was a white hot, searing pain around the middle of her left thigh as the thing’s razor sharp teeth cut into her flesh. She was certain her leg was gone. It couldn’t be more than a stump now. But she was wrong. It let her go and suddenly every fiber of her leg was on fire. She swam as hard as she could to the surface and gasped, drinking air. She knew that it was going to come for her again any second, so she filled her lungs and screamed, hoping that the sound would carry far enough for Ben to hear. She thought she could hear shouts in the distance. <em>Ben</em>? She tried screaming again, but her throat felt so raw that she wasn’t sure anything came out.</p><p> </p><p>Her leg wasn’t working correctly. She tried kicking to propel herself to the cliffs that loomed nearby. She could feel the thing approaching once more and this time it bit at her ankle, pulling her back down. She barely had time to suck in one more breath</p><p> </p><p>Fear. All she knew was fear. Every fiber of her being sang fear out in a cacophonous chorus, quickly using up what little oxygen she had.</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt the pain fade to the background. Somehow she knew that it wasn’t going to let her come back up. It was done playing games with her and now was going to kill her.</p><p> </p><p><em>I hope that it chokes on my corpse</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Her lungs felt as though they would burst—she needed oxygen so badly. She started seeing spots and her thoughts began to blur nonsensically. She was weakening from blood loss and oxygen deprivation. Rey’s arm’s paddled weakly and she looked upward, trying to catch her last glimpse of light.</p><p> </p><p>Strange streaks of red light rushed past her. Hallucinations, Rey realized. She thought that they were beautiful. Her hand strayed out to touch the flashes but stopped short. Was she imagining that the water felt hotter?</p><p> </p><p>The creature shrieked and twisted, flailing Rey along with it. She felt one last tug and then floated…upward? Downward? Her vision was fading quickly but the hallucinations stuck with her. She thought she saw Ben’s face before her lungs sucked in water.</p><p> </p><p>As her vision flickered and faded to black, she was grateful to see Ben’s features one last time, even if it was a hallucination.</p><p> </p><p>She thought she would be scared to die. Instead, she felt peace.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Ben crashed into the water and the impact jarred his entire body. The blaster bolts struck true and the monster writhed in pain. He continued pulling the trigger, not even sure if the blaster would work while wet.</p><p> </p><p>Somehow, someway, the thing shuddered and released Rey. It swam away faster than Ben thought possible, barely glimpsing a large, dragon-like head with silvery eyes and wicked, dagger like teeth. He submerged his head and sought out Rey.</p><p>
  <em>There!</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Ben could barely make her out in the darkness. He dove down and caught her in his arms. She was unconscious, he realized with a spike of panic and kicked harder, faster to reach her.</p><p> </p><p>He propelled them up with a wave of his hand and both of their heads broke through the surface.</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s head lolled lifelessly against his shoulder as he towed her to the cliffs. There was a spot nearby where he could get them to safety. He kicked as hard as he could, trying to get to that spot before the thing decided to come back.</p><p> </p><p>He dragged Rey onto the stone and shook her shoulders. She wasn’t responding. Her head fell to the side and water trickled from her mouth. Blood pooled in a nasty wound on her thigh and ran off in thick rivulets to the sides of her damaged leg. His blood ran cold and his limbs shook. Was he too late? The thought of her being gone made him was unbearably painful.</p><p> </p><p>He remembered the horrifically all encompassing agony he experienced as he climbed out of that Force-forsaken hole on Exegol after feeling Rey’s bright life-force flicker out. He remembered the stabbing droves of panic that hounded him when he finally made it out and had his worst fear confirmed—Rey staring up at the stars lifelessly.</p><p> </p><p>He was too shocked to grieve properly, but he still felt loss like he had never before experienced. Worse than when his father died by his hand. Worse than the moment when he felt his mother die as she reached out to him through the Force. Because it was worse. It was the absence of half of his soul.</p><p> </p><p>In those brief moments before he brought her back, the grief consumed him.</p><p> </p><p>Shaking his mind free of the memories, he felt for a pulse. There was nothing there. <em>No</em>, his mind screamed, protesting the idea of Rey being gone. <em>I am not going to lose her again. </em></p><p> </p><p>“Rey!” Ben shouted, shaking her harder, “Rey you are <em>not</em> leaving me again, do you hear me? I can’t lose you again! Come back to me, sweetheart. Come back…” he felt the warmth of his tears drip down his face and onto hers. He could feel her life force slowly drain away.</p><p> </p><p>Ben began compressions and blew into her mouth. He did that once, twice, three times but it didn’t seem to be working.</p><p> </p><p>Then, at last:</p><p> </p><p>Color bloomed across Rey’s oxygen starved face and she gasped, eyes flying wide. She coughed and wheezed, trying to expel all of the seawater. Then she vomited and collapsed against the stone.</p><p> </p><p>Her chest rose and fell rapidly, as though her body was trying to suck in all the oxygen it could.</p><p> </p><p>Ben could only watch in amazed relief as Rey’s breathing calmed, too shocked to move. She was alive, his heart sang. The grief and the pain that had been consuming him vanished in an instant and was replaced by exultation.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey!” he sobbed shamelessly and pulled her fiercely into his arms, determined to never let her leave them again. She was going to have to accept their new reality. She was going to live in his arms where she was safe from everything and everyone.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben?” she croaked, her voice hoarse from the salt water. She reached out an exhausted, bloody hand and touched his face as though she couldn’t believe that he was actually there. Another sob broke free and he covered her hand with his and cupped it against his cheek. He didn’t care that he was a crying harder than he had in over a decade—to hell with masculinity. He was just so happy that she was breathing.</p><p> </p><p>They shared a watery smile, almost reveling in the moment. Then she grimaced and looked down at her leg.</p><p> </p><p>Ben had been so relieved to see Rey breathing and conscious that he had completely forgotten the bloody wounds on her thigh and ankle. The one on her thigh looked bad. The flesh was ragged and torn as though she had been tossed about by its mouth. He could feel rage boil inside his veins. He half sprang up to find the creature and end its miserable life.</p><p> </p><p>But there were far more pressing matters.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re hurt,” he ground out gruffly, reaching out to examine the damage.</p><p> </p><p>Rey looked blearily down at her leg and flinched, as if she hadn’t known how bad it was. “It’s fine. I can make it back if you help me.” She tore her blood soaked sash off and began quickly wrapping it above the wound, groaning when she tightened it.</p><p> </p><p>Ben blinked. Was she insane? Did she really think he was going to let her walk on that leg? When he could help her in an instant?</p><p> </p><p>“I can heal it,” he told her and moved to place his hands on her leg.</p><p> </p><p>What happens next astounds him.</p><p> </p><p>Rey wrenches her wounded leg out of his grasp with a strained hiss and glares fiercely at him.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t. Touch. It.” she growled, tears pricking in her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Stunned, he moved to put his hand on her thigh again, not entirely registering what was happening. Why would she deny something that could help her? Was she that upset with him that she wouldn’t let him help her?</p><p> </p><p>“Rey…what?” He shook his head, dismissing her action, “Let me heal if for you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Stop!” she screeched at him as she tried to scoot out of his range, “I’m fine. I’ll use a medpack from the <em>Falcon</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>“Rey, don’t be stupid,” Ben almost shouted, quickly losing patience and feeling all sorts of frustrated that she wouldn’t let him help her. It was fairly obvious that she was going to bleed out. He tried to keep the panic from his voice. “I can heal you. Please. Let me fix your leg.”</p><p> </p><p>She pressed her lips together and shook her head vigorously. Ben grit his teeth. <em>Stubborn woman</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re seriously so mad at me from earlier that you won’t even allow me to heal your leg?” He threw his hands up, the frustration of her stubbornness getting to him. “You’re bleeding out, Rey. It looks like that thing got your femoral vein. Luckily it seemed to have missed the artery because you would be dead by now if it had. But if I can’t heal your leg, you might not make it. You’re really going to let a misunderstanding kill you? You unbelievably stubborn woman!”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s eyes widened, hurt at his insults. But then she looked away, brows sharp and groaned in pain again as she tightened the tourniquet once more.</p><p> </p><p>“It isn’t about what just happened,” she whispered bitterly. “The last time you healed me, you <em>died</em>, Ben,” came her quiet, terrified reply heartbeats late.</p><p> </p><p><em>Oh.</em> Ben cursed his stupidity. He had gotten it all wrong. She didn’t want him to heal her because of what happened on Exegol. She was scared that she was going to lose him. If he weren’t so scared that he might lose her to blood loss, he would have been touched.</p><p> </p><p>Her shoulders shook as she started to cry, the sobs wracking her small frame.</p><p> </p><p>He crouched down to Rey and cupped her face in his palms, urging her to believe him. “You are not going to lose me, Rey,” he stated emphatically. “This is not Exegol. I will <em>not</em> die, I promise.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey was trembling. “No,” she begged through her tears. “I don’t want you to do it. Please. I—I can make it back to the ship. Just don’t—I can’t lose you—not again.”</p><p> </p><p>How could he listen to her when she was severely injured like this? Didn’t she realize that <em>she</em> would be the one dying if he didn’t get his hands on her soon?</p><p> </p><p>Ben ground his teeth. She was begging him not to. He could see just how terrified she was. Could he respect her wishes this time? Would breaking her hard earned trust in him be worth it? <em>Yes,</em> he decided, <em>it was worth it</em>.</p><p> </p><p>He moved forward once more but hesitated when he saw something break in Rey. Her posture drooped and her eyes lost their light as she realized that he was going to do what she had begged him not to do. Ben swallowed tightly, breaking at the sight of her defeat.</p><p> </p><p>Instead, he grabbed her small hands and hoisted her up against his chest, carrying her in the exact manner he had all that time ago on Takodana. Carefully, he began picking his way up the side of the mountain to the stone stairway that would lead them back to the <em>Millennium Falcon</em>. He hoped that he wasn’t making a terrible mistake.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p><em>He—he actually listened to me,</em> Rey thought in shock as Ben carried her up the mountainside. Her leg burned in pain at every jostle, but she stifled any sound that would indicate the agony she was currently in.</p><p> </p><p>Ben barely agreed with her, she realized she was on thin ice. <em>He was going to ignore my wishes and do it anyway</em>. But something made him change his mind. Whatever it was, she doubted that it would be binding enough to prevent him from healing her if he knew how much it hurt—or how dizzy she felt.</p><p> </p><p>The thought of him giving his life force away to her terrified her into forced consciousness. Maybe she was being crazy, but she was so scared of losing him that way. Who was to say that it wouldn’t happen again? She didn’t want to take any chances.</p><p> </p><p>Ben jarred her leg particularly badly this time and she couldn’t hold back the groan of pain this time.</p><p> </p><p>He glanced sharply down at her, eyes tight with worry. She knew this was killing him. But she didn’t want to take the risk.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m fine,” she bit out through gritted teeth.</p><p> </p><p>She felt his chest rise sharply but he didn’t say anything. His long legs sped their pace and soon Ben had them back on the stairway down to the foothills.</p><p> </p><p>Rey tried keeping her head upright but it seemed to grow heavier and heavier. Her eyelids were following in suite and after one particularly jarring step rent another yelp from her, Ben finally snapped.</p><p> </p><p>“Enough, Rey. Let me heal you.” His voice was laced with distress and his eyes were dark and wild.</p><p> </p><p>Panic flooded her and sharpened her fading awareness. “No. I’ll be fine for a bit longer. We’re almost there.”</p><p> </p><p>His eyes tightened and his mouth pulled down in his trepidation. “I promise you, I’m not going to die, Rey. You’re being silly. The blood loss is messing with your logic,” he argued back.</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t know that!” Rey burst out, feeling less drowsy as the panic took hold once more.</p><p> </p><p>Ben slowed momentarily and his hard eyes softened a fraction. “Rey, what happened on Exegol…” he began, “Palpatine had drained most of our life force and what little I had left, I gave to you to bring you back.” His arms squeezed her against him, “That’s why I died.”</p><p> </p><p>“But—“ she tried, the drowsiness returning hard and fast. She struggled to keep her head upright.</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe if things had been different I wouldn’t have…” he trailed off. “But I know I would be fine this time.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s vision started going dark and she heard ringing in her ears.</p><p> </p><p>Unconsciousness pulled at her even though she resisted. She licked her lips, trying to ignore the growing dark. “I…don’t…want to lose…”</p><p> </p><p>Tired, she was so tired. She struggled to form the last word before her world went black.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“…you.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey passed out and her head dropped against his arm.</p><p> </p><p>Ben almost couldn’t contain his relief. She was out cold. He knew she would be pissed at him for healing her when she woke up, but at this point, he didn’t care. All he cared about was making sure she didn’t lose any more blood. She could throw a tantrum when she wakes for all he cared at the moment.</p><p> </p><p>He gently set her down on the grass and hesitated, momentarily feeling guilty for going against her express wishes but that moment passed quickly and was replaced by focused determination.</p><p> </p><p>He examined the wound again. The teeth of whatever that thing was were long. It looked like some of the punctures went down to the bone. That wasn’t something that the <em>Falcon’s</em> supply of bacta patches was going to fix. He pulled at the shreds of her white leggings stained scarlet and placed his fingers over the worst of the injury.</p><p> </p><p>Ben breathed in deeply and reached out. He felt her life force immediately, weak, but still very much there. He willed his own life force into her body, urged it to knit every cut muscle and severed vein to perfection. He could feel everything growing back together—sealing up until her skin was smooth once more. There wasn’t even a scar.</p><p> </p><p>He let out a relieved sigh as felt Rey’s life force strengthen. She was still weak from the blood loss, but she would be fine. He would make sure that she rested for the remainder of the day.</p><p> </p><p>He picked her up and expected to feel exhaustion, but he was pleasantly surprised to find that he was only tired. Rey’s head rested solidly against the space where his neck and shoulder met, her breath warming his bare clavicle and he continued his path down to their ship.</p><p> </p><p><em>Their</em> ship. When did he start thinking about the <em>Millennium Falcon</em> as their ship? Probably around the same time Rey started referring to her bunk as theirs. Ben strode up the boarding ramp, careful to keep Rey close to his chest. He was briefly reminded of the first time he’d carried her like this on Takodana and felt grateful that the circumstances had changed.</p><p> </p><p>When he finally made it to their quarters, he gently deposited the beautiful woman he held onto the bunk and set to cutting the tourniquet and removing the shredded portion of Rey’s bloodied leggings.</p><p> </p><p>Why Rey had insisted on swimming in her clothes today, Ben couldn’t fathom, but he was grateful that she had. The tourniquet she improvised and tied had essentially saved her from her stubbornness. But it wouldn’t have been necessary at all if she hadn’t been so kriffing bullheaded in the first place.</p><p> </p><p>How could she not see that things were different this time? On Exegol, he <em>had</em> been more than half dead after Palpatine drained them. And then he'd been tossed into a chasm like garbage where he had broken his leg, cracked numerous ribs and sprained an ankle.</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s heart lanced painfully at the mere memory of it. Rey had been dead. His beautiful, fierce, fiery soul mate—the only woman in the entire galaxy that he knew he could ever love—had been lying on that dirty, desolate floor, dead.</p><p> </p><p>It had been a no brainer, as his father used to say, what Ben needed to do. He knew without even thinking about it, that he would give his life to her a thousand times over if he had to. Because from the moment that she entered his life, the moment she fired her blaster at him—knowing full well that it was pointless, yet doing it anyway with terrified determination—he knew that she was it for him.</p><p> </p><p>Of course, he had been so misguided, so lost during those days, that he wasn’t even aware of it until she called to him through their bond that night when they touched hands. And even when he knew that he loved her, he was tragically misguided in the ways he tried to show her.</p><p> </p><p>Ben cursed his past self. If only he hadn’t been so blinded by his lust for power—if only he had known what Rey really wanted from him. If only he had understood that all she wanted was Ben Solo. Maybe he could have walked away from Snoke’s throne room with her and they could have avoided all of the pain and heartache that ensued. All his fault. It was always his fault.</p><p> </p><p>Of course, Ben knew it wouldn’t have been that simple. He had been too corrupted, too entangled by the Dark side to have willingly parted with the power—the freedom he’d been granted upon Snoke’s death. He had needed to go through that year from hell. It taught him many things, important life lessons, including how nothing mattered when he didn’t have Rey by his side.</p><p> </p><p>He’d been miserable that whole time, just beginning to realize the monumental mistake he made when Rey closed off her side of the bond as the hydraulic ramp of the Falcon hissed shut, ending their connection for the better part of a year. And he, being the fool that he is, doubled down on the darkness rather than doing what he should have done. Which was running off with Rey after their fight with the praetorian guards on the <em>Supremacy.</em></p><p> </p><p>Ben wished he could take it all back. He wished that he could have been the type of man who’d deserved Rey all along. But he wasn’t. He would never be the man that Rey deserved, despite the fact that he wanted nothing more than to be that man.</p><p> </p><p>Despite the fact that she actually seemed to feel the same way he felt about her…</p><p> </p><p>How <em>that</em> could possibly be, Ben had no idea. How could someone so good, someone so pure—who could easily fight away the darkness within her, love him? How could she love him after everything he’s done? And he’s done so much wrong. To her friends, to her people and to her. And yet? And yet despite it all, despite the fact that he is <em>not </em>a good man—despite the fact that he’s hurt her and those she loves, despite the fact that his scarred mind has tried to force him to believe otherwise over the past few weeks with her, Ben Solo knew that Rey loves him like he loves her.</p><p> </p><p>He’d come a long way since their first night on the <em>Millennium Falcon</em>. Once he finally decided to let his guard down, let himself be open to the idea that maybe she was telling him the truth, it wasn’t hard to see. It wasn’t hard to see that everything he felt for her was being reflected back to him in equal measure.</p><p> </p><p>And that realization made him love her even more. It had been the only thing that kept him from giving in to the new darkness that now suffocated him and surrendering himself to the nearest New Republic outpost.</p><p> </p><p>And eventually he would do just that. The guilt and regret, the pain and the self-loathing all urged him to atone for the blood he’d spilt. This new darkness was different from the one that held him to the dark side for seven years. It was heavier. It made him feel like he was always drowning. Drowning in his shame, in his self-hatred. It was slowly driving him mad. It fought to suppress his newfound peace and the simple joy that he’d been blessed to experience when Rey found him two weeks ago.</p><p> </p><p>This darkness made him feel apathetic, as if everything were dull and lifeless. He didn’t want to do anything when it really hit him and more than once he’d suggested they stay in bed under the guise of reading all day so that he could just do nothing. He pretended to read on those days. Flipping pages at regular intervals and trying to shield Rey from the darker thoughts that flooded his mind.</p><p> </p><p>Rey was the only thing that brought light—the only thing that made him feel anything anymore, see color anymore. She was the only thing keeping him going.</p><p> </p><p>But he knew that couldn’t last. He knew he couldn’t be with her because he was just going to drag her down into the spiral that ensnared him.</p><p> </p><p>She was bright like a sun that lit his life as he felt his own light dimming. She had a life, friends, a chosen family and he would only take her from them. It wasn’t fair of him to stand in her way of a family. It wasn’t right of him to drag her down with him. </p><p> </p><p>And that, he supposes, is why he chickened out on the beach today. He’d been so tempted. So tempted to have his way with her. So tempted to show her how much he loved her. But then everything crashed down on him. His sins, his darkness, the fact that he wasn’t worthy of her—</p><p> </p><p>It didn’t do him any good to dwell on it. Instead he tried to focus on the good, which incidentally was everything Rey.</p><p> </p><p>But it was getting harder for him to focus on the good. Or really to feel much of anything now, even with Rey around him. He knew that any semblance of those good feelings would soon be overtaken by the new darkness.</p><p> </p><p>The darkness told him the only way he would ever find peace again would be through his death</p><p> </p><p>But he was a selfish man and he wanted to spend as much time with Rey as possible before the inevitable happened. So he fought against it. He tried to enjoy every single moment he had with her. When he kissed her, he kissed her with everything in him. When they held each other, he held her tightly to him, memorizing the smell of her skin and the gentle curves of her body pressed against his…</p><p> </p><p>His mind drifted back to his goal.</p><p> </p><p>The idea of giving himself up to the New Republic and allowing them to execute him for his crimes as Kylo Ren and as the Supreme Leader of the First Order had seemed like the only thing he could do that could even begin to make up for everything. Of course, doing so would never be enough. But it was something.</p><p> </p><p>And it’s not like it wouldn’t happen anyway. Even if he wanted to live, once the New Republic found him, he would be arrested and condemned to execution. At least this way he would make it easier for everyone.</p><p> </p><p>Even Rey. She would hate him for it, but in the long run, she would be better off without him. He could never give her the life that she deserved. He was the former Supreme Leader of the despised First Order. He was a criminal and would be a wanted man in every single sector of the galaxy. If he hadn’t already chosen death, he would live the rest of his life on the run from law enforcement and from bounty hunters. And Rey would be miserable with him. If she chose him, and he had a feeling she would, she would have to leave her friends behind forever and would essentially become a criminal herself for harboring him.</p><p> </p><p>Rey didn’t deserve that sort of life. She deserved <em>everything</em> that the galaxy had to offer. She deserved a roof over her head—stability, friends, someone worthy of her love…</p><p> </p><p>That one stung the most. The thought of her one day finding someone worthy of her. It could never be him. All he could do was offer her his love, but he knew that wasn’t enough. He would never be enough for her.</p><p> </p><p>Why? Why had he come back at all if he was just going to end up feeling this way? If he was just going to end up feeling a different darkness that consumed every part of him and left nothing behind? There were so many others who had deserved to come back more than he did. He was going to waste this second chance.</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t want this second chance.</p><p> </p><p>He sat on the edge of their bunk, watching Rey as she peacefully slept. Stars, she was beautiful with her loose hair and sun kissed skin. The braid had come undone amid the excitement of their afternoon. It was probably for the better. He was so tempted to explain to her the traditions of removing braids, but didn’t want her to feel pressured to grant him permission to do it.</p><p> </p><p>His fingers went to her hair, breaking up the salt textured ends as gently as his large fingers could manage. She had taken to leaving her hair down since that first day and he loved it even though he itched to braid it back for her every day with other special meanings linked to the plaits. He loved the slight wave and the way some of the tendrils curled on her forehead. He loved the feathery soft feel when he ran his fingers through her hair and loved the way she used it as a shield to cover her face whenever she was embarrassed.</p><p> </p><p>He brushed it off her face and she stirred, seeking his touch in her sleep. Ben caressed her cheek and then grazed her jaw with his thumb, loving the soft smile that pulled at her lips.</p><p> </p><p>His heart ached fiercely as he thought about what the future could have held for them. How could he leave this woman? How could he want to leave her?</p><p> </p><p>He knew why. But it didn’t make it any easier.</p><p> </p><p>No…resigning himself to execution was the best thing he could do for both of them. It would grant him much desired peace and it would grant her happiness and freedom, which was all he wanted for her.</p><p> </p><p>But in the meantime, he would let himself be selfish and enjoy what time they had left on this little island.</p><p> </p><p>He felt his throat tighten at the prospect of their time ending and he squeezed his eyes shut against the sudden flood of tears.</p><p> </p><p><em>Oh Rey</em>…</p><p> </p><p>Slowly, Ben backed out of the room and headed to the cockpit, trying to stifle the tremors. He examined the small space, remembering all of the times he sat with his father, learning how to pilot the freighter. He remembered all of the happy memories he had and the not so happy ones and then his eyes settled on the hypertransciever.</p><p> </p><p>It was off—clearly it had been off the entire time that they’d been here. Rey’s friends certainly wouldn’t have let so much time go by without contact. With heavy, reluctant steps, Ben reached the device and turned it on.</p><p> </p><p>It began blinking with unheard messages.</p><p> </p><p>He was tempted to listen to them. To see what her friends needed—if the were going to take her from him. But he couldn’t. He didn’t want to know. Not tonight, at least. But tomorrow? He clenched his jaw, determination setting in.</p><p> </p><p>Without a backwards glance, Ben left the cockpit, walked back to his and Rey’s quarters and got into bed with the beautiful, innocent woman whose heart he would soon be breaking.</p><p> </p><p>As soon as she felt his weight settle, she burrowed into his side and Ben hid his face in her hair, finally letting the tears fall as he breathed in her sweet, sweat tanged scent.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Yeah... I don't know how blasters work with water. I've researched pretty thoroughly, but I didn't bother with the blaster. So hopefully there isn't canon somewhere that says blasters short out in the water...</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. The Message</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Aaaand here we go! We are getting into it now, ladies and gents.</p><p>*sobs* I'm so sorry that we had to go there. I didn't want to, but I couldn't see any other way.</p><p>Let me know what you think in the comments!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>CHAPTER FOURTEEN: The Message</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Rey woke up feeling as though she’d slept for ages. Meaning she felt good, <em>really good</em>, but also very stiff. She flipped over to her side, eyes still closed and reached out for Ben, but her fingers fell on cool, empty space.</p><p> </p><p><em>Odd</em>. He normally waited for her to wake up before he left the bunk. He’d done that ever since she woke up one morning in hysteria after a nightmare where she relived Ben’s death over and over again. He had been in the lounge, hydrating breakfast for them and came crashing in, face white with fear. It took an embarrassingly long time for her to calm down enough to where she was able to get out of bed and sit down at the dejarik table.</p><p> </p><p>The next morning, Ben was there when she woke up. He was there every morning after, with open arms waiting for her to dive into.</p><p> </p><p>Where was he?</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt something itching at the back of her head, hinting that she was forgetting something. She stretched and tried to remember what happened yesterday. Everything felt as though it had been swirled and muddled into a blur.</p><p> </p><p>They had gone swimming out to the small rocky island they’d planned on going to once Ben was satisfied that she wouldn’t drown. Rey felt a thrill of fear travel down her spine at the thought of the black abyss below her. Then they’d made it back to the shore in once piece and…</p><p> </p><p>And Rey thought that Ben was ready to take the next step. But he hadn’t been… And it hurt. Rather than being a mature adult about the situation, Rey fled and swam off on her own, embarrassed and heartbroken. And then…</p><p> </p><p>Rey bolted upright. The creature! Her fingers tore the comforter off and grasped at her leg and felt—nothing. No bandages, no pain. She pulled the tattered remains of her now rust hued leggings down to her knees and looked down at her thigh.</p><p> </p><p>She gasped. The gory wound was gone. So were the lacerations on her ankle. Completely gone. There were no scars. Nothing left as evidence of the carnage that sea monster inflicted.</p><p> </p><p>But that meant that Ben—her blood iced over as panic set in—that meant that Ben had <em>healed</em> her. That meant he had gone against her will again healed her despite the risks that it entailed. Despite the fact that she begged him not to do it.</p><p> </p><p>She would be livid if she weren’t so terrified over the fact that Ben was nowhere to be seen. Rey pulled her leggings back up and jumped out of their bunk, searching wildly around for a sign of his presence. Where was he? <em>Where was he?</em></p><p> </p><p>She spotted segments of torn, bloody leggings, but couldn’t find his things. She tore out of the room</p><p> </p><p>“Ben?” She shouted in a panic, so scared that he was gone. That he had died to save her yet again.</p><p> </p><p>“BEN, WHERE ARE YOU?”</p><p> </p><p>The refresher door slid open and Ben burst out of it, sliding across the floor and half dressed with a ratty towel hanging off of his shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey!”</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s presence in the Force crashed into her, thrumming and electric. It was impossible to miss. How had she not noticed it?</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s knees nearly gave out upon seeing him and she burst into relieved tears. He was okay. He was still alive. Ben sprinted the short distance between them and caught her as she started sagging to the ground.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey what’s the matter?” he asked her as she sobbed into his shoulder. She was so happy that he was still here. He was okay. He was fine. “Are you okay? Are you hurt?”</p><p> </p><p>Hurt? Her brain triggered at the world and suddenly she saw red. Before she could stop herself, she shoved him roughly away from her and stood up unsteadily. Ben watched in shock, one palm splayed open on the floor while the other sought after her.</p><p> </p><p>“Am I hurt?” she seethed at him, wanting him to know how livid she was with him. “No, Ben. I’m not hurt. But I should be.”</p><p> </p><p>Both her hands fisted and she felt her nails cut into flesh. Her voice went dangerously calm, contrasting the hurricane of emotion she was feeling inside. “Why am I not still hurt, Ben?”</p><p> </p><p>To his credit, Ben had the sense to look nervous. He gulped, but his face didn’t betray even the smallest hint of guilt or shame over what he had done. In fact, the nerves soon disappeared and his expression <em>hardened</em>. Rey’s anger spiked as she registered the change. His signature seemed hardened as well.</p><p> </p><p>“You passed out from blood loss. What did you think I would do? Let you bleed out?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey grit her teeth and the rage bubbled through, heated and all encompassing. “I asked you not to do it. I <em>begged</em> you. But you didn’t care! You went behind my back even though you knew how terrified I was that you could <em>die</em> healing me!”</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s face remained mostly neutral as he replied in his rich baritone, “I was not about to let you die, Rey. I did what I had to do.”</p><p> </p><p>He gestured at wildly at himself, “And look! I’m fine. I didn’t die. And your leg is completely healed. So, no, I don’t regret going behind your back and healing you against your wishes. I’m not sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>“You could have <em>died!” </em>She shouted back shrilly. She clutched at her sides, trying to hide the anger-filled tremors that shook her frame from his keen eyes.</p><p> </p><p>He either didn’t notice or ignored it, because he argued back instead. “But I didn’t. All that mattered was that you were healed. And I would chose to heal you <em>every single kriffing time,</em> Rey.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben ran his hands through his wet hair in agitation. “Do you think maybe you thinking irrationally about this last night, Rey? You’d lost a lot of blood,” his tone erred on the more patronizing side of things and Rey’s eyes narrowed.</p><p> </p><p>How dare he? If Rey had something in her hands, she would have thrown it at him. She wanted to grab his shoulders and shake him as she screamed at him about how stupid he had been. About how selfish he had been to heal her even though he knew that she was terrified that he could die. How could he do that to her after Exegol and its’ aftermath? How could he think that she was being irrational?</p><p> </p><p>She wanted to scream. She wanted to hide in his arms. She wanted to cry.</p><p> </p><p>Instead of responding at all, she fled down the curved corridor, choosing to react in secret. She collapsed somewhere in the front portion of the ship—the forward hold maybe? She wasn’t sure. All she knew was that it was somewhere Ben and his stupidly massive shoulders would have a hard time squeezing into.</p><p> </p><p>She let it all out in the darkened quiet of the room. Her shoulders shook as she hyperventilated. Tears blurred her vision regardless of how hard she blinked them away due the rate they were forming.</p><p> </p><p>The very idea of him giving her his precious life force made her physically ill. What if he gave her too much? What if she had woken up again, well and truly alone? Ben faded away once more to nonexistence? She wouldn’t have been able to bear it.</p><p> </p><p>Every fiber of her body itched with anxiety mingled with panic. Yes, Ben was still here. He looked healthy—completely normal. But that didn’t change the fact that she could have lost him through the foolish exchange of life force.</p><p> </p><p>The sounds of her erratic, labored hyperventilation echoed harshly in the space, filling her ears and buzzing within her already pained mind.</p><p> </p><p>She was alone for only a few moments before she heard him squeezing through the concealed exit hatch. Why couldn’t he leave her alone?</p><p> </p><p>They both stayed silent in the darkness. Rey could hardly make him out in the dim light. She tried to maintain some sense of dignity by calming her breathing but only made it worse. She was making horrible gasping sounds now.</p><p> </p><p>Ben approached her then, his steps hurried. She felt his warmth radiate the immediate area as he sat next to her and almost flinched when she felt him hesitantly touched her shoulder. When she didn’t shove him off even though she badly wanted to, he pulled her to his chest and tucked her head under his chin with a gentle hand. His free hand rubbed her back softly, and he murmured quiet comforts to her.</p><p> </p><p>Just being in contact with him stopped the hyperventilating in no time. She should have known that was all it would take. His warm presence was a constant in her life now, surprisingly soothing and calming.</p><p> </p><p>It would have made her mad if she weren’t so relieved to feel the pressure on her chest lessening thanks to the warmth of his embrace. The tears slowed and her eventually, her heart calmed too.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you think maybe the irrationality of my reaction came from the fact that you died when you healed me last, Ben?” Rey finally asked him, her voice thick with tears.</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s hand stilled and he remained quiet for a moment. Just the sound of their breathing filled the small room.</p><p> </p><p>“I know that’s why, Rey,” he answered quietly. “But you have to realize how different that situation was compared to this one. You were dead and I was close to it. I gave you everything I had to bring you back to me.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey nodded, trying to think through the words buzzing in her brain before she answered. She knew she was being irrational, of course. But realizing the irrationality and killing the fear based on that irrationality were two different things.</p><p> </p><p>She could realize that her fear was irrational, but that didn’t make it go away. She was still terrified of losing Ben through Force healing. She probably always would be.</p><p> </p><p>“Look,” he began, “For what its worth, I really am sorry that I betrayed your trust in that way. But I was so scared that I was going to lose you. So I made a choice and I healed you… I accept the consequences of that action.”</p><p> </p><p>She pulled away to look up at him, his honey brown eyes looking so certain. But at the same time, there was a resounding resignation lurking in their depths.</p><p> </p><p>And then she looked at him. Really looked at him. His eyes were bloodshot with dark circles shadowing underneath them. His pale skin looked sickly and his shoulders sagged when they should have been squared. He looked absolutely exhausted.</p><p> </p><p>Rey worried her lip between her teeth. Ben had not slept last night. Why hadn’t he slept last night?</p><p> </p><p>The fury and the fear that consumed her currently were pushed back and replaced with concern. “Ben…are you alright?” she asked him haltingly, reaching to rest a hand against his cheek. Ben’s brows shot up in confusion at the sudden change but held her hand firmly against his cheek as he were relieved and closed his eyes. He breathed her in for a moment.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m fine, sweetheart,” he replied in a quiet voice.</p><p> </p><p>Rey swallowed. <em>Sweetheart?</em> The name sent thrills through her, but it wasn’t enough to distract her from the truth behind his words. Ben Solo was lying.</p><p> </p><p>“No you aren’t.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s eyes solemnly sought hers and she held them, searching the emotions behind them. He had hidden them well today. She poked at their bond and found that his shields were firmly in place. What was he hiding?</p><p> </p><p>“What’s wrong? Tell me, please,” she tried again, beginnings of worry starting to creep up the base of her skull.</p><p> </p><p>Ben swallowed heavily. His Adam’s apple bobbed once then twice. It seemed like he wasn’t going to answer.</p><p> </p><p>And then finally. “I just—I don’t want this to end…”</p><p> </p><p>End? What was going to end?</p><p> </p><p>Rey was about to ask as much when the hyper-transciever started blaring obnoxiously and almost had her jump clear of her skin. She cursed.</p><p> </p><p>“I thought I turned that bloody thing off.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey rose swiftly and rushed through the concealed hatch, making for the cockpit. Ben followed her closely behind but stopped at the blast door before moving out of the holovid view as Rey gestured violently for him to do so.</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s heart thumped uncomfortably against her ribcage, partially because of Ben’s evasive answer and partially because she was nervous about facing whoever was on the other line. She took a few seconds to steel herself and then pressed the button, answering.</p><p> </p><p>The top half of Poe Dameron appeared, hued blue and slightly grainy. And he appeared to be absolutely flabbergasted while he processed that Rey had answered.</p><p> </p><p>“Holy shit,” he swore, his eyes bugging out of his skull as though he couldn’t believe that he was seeing her, “You actually answered.”</p><p> </p><p>But just as soon as the surprise crossed his face, it melted away and was replaced with one of the more angry expressions Rey had ever seen of Poe’s. It was eerily similar to the expression he wore when she’d dented Beebee-ate on Ajan Kloss. So she sucked in a deep breath and tensed for impact.</p><p> </p><p><em>Stay out of sight,</em> she warned Ben, knowing he wouldn’t react well to Poe yelling at her. They hadn’t been successful in transferring thoughts since reuniting, but she thought she’d try anyway.</p><p> </p><p>She nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard a deep <em>Alright,</em> growled back at her and had to refrain from looking back at Ben.</p><p> </p><p>Based on the tense quality of his tone, there were clearly some hard feelings between the two men. And clearly she had been right about Ben’s reaction to Poe’s response to seeing her.</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t like the angry expression that was so prominently displayed on Poe Dameron’s face at the moment and it was taking a lot for him to stay out of view.</p><p> </p><p>Poe, completely unaware of the former Supreme Leader’s darkening presence, was shouting now.</p><p> </p><p>“Where the <em>HELL</em> have you been Rey? We have been worried sick about you! I’ve been beside myself, Finn’s been beside himself. The girls have been freaking out. You’ve been radio silent for over two weeks. <em>TWO WEEKS</em> Rey! We thought you were dead! Where have you been? Why have you been ignoring us? What the hell!”</p><p> </p><p>“Poe.”</p><p> </p><p>He was gesturing wildly, fingers pointed and hands flung over his head in agitation.</p><p> </p><p>“Seriously Rey, are you crazy? Like are you literally crazy? Because you have to be to have pulled what you did. You left us after we <em>begged </em>you to let us come with you to Tatooine and even then, you promised us it was going to be a short trip. We figured, hey, she needs this. So we let you have your way. Twenty-four hours planetside and you’d come straight back to Ajan Kloss. You promised!”</p><p> </p><p>Poe looked like he was going to burst a capillary in one of his eyes. Or both of them… If the holoprojector had full range of color, she knew that his face would be puce.</p><p> </p><p>She could feel anger boiling on Ben’s side of the bond. It relented for a moment at the mention of Tatooine in a pique of curiosity but then returned as he remembered why she went there. Poe continued to yell at her, oblivious to the dark shadow looming just out of view.</p><p> </p><p>Rey needed to calm Poe down before Ben lost it.</p><p> </p><p>“Poe,” she tried again but was ignored. She resigned herself to letting him get it all out and sent Ben one last warning look before focusing her attention on the ace-pilot turned general.</p><p> </p><p>“And then Finn tells me that you <em>aren’t </em>actually coming back and that you decided you needed to go off on another adventure? Maker only knows how long you planned on being away this time! And on top of that, you shut off not only your homing beacon but your transponders <em>and</em> your hyper-transciever?” Poe tore both of his hands through his curled hair, making it stand on end. Rey bit back a grimace. Poe running his hands through his hair was a sign that he was beyond livid. Poe would never intentionally destroy perfectly styled hair.</p><p> </p><p>“Two weeks Rey! What have you been doing for two weeks? We’ve needed you. We have <em>really</em> needed you. And you haven’t been here.”</p><p> </p><p>He stopped to catch his breath, betrayal shining through his eyes. It was the betrayal of someone who’d relied on another, only to be disappointed. It stung Rey more than she wanted to admit.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry!” she burst out at last. “Look I know that doesn’t make it any better, but Poe, I’m sorry. I needed to do this.”</p><p> </p><p>Poe sighed, still extremely agitated but at least he seemed ready to listen now. He seemed deflated now, tired.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey, is this because of what happened the night we all got back from Exegol? Are you…avoiding me because of that? You’ve just been acting so strange ever since and then you just…left.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s eyes went wide and all she could think was <em>Oh kriff, oh kriff, oh kriff.</em> She hadn’t thought of <em>that night</em> in weeks and she didn’t want to start now. Especially not with Ben Solo looming in the corner, his mind suddenly very still and very alert to every word that blurted out of Poe’s mouth and to every reaction she gives to it.</p><p> </p><p>Rey shook her head vehemently. “No! It’s not because of that, Poe, I promise.” Clearly if she hadn’t even thought about it, it wasn’t. But she really didn’t want to go into details with Ben listening.</p><p> </p><p>He doesn’t look like he believes her, but drops it.</p><p> </p><p>“Then why?”</p><p> </p><p>She bit her lip and looked down at her hands. She definitely wasn’t about to tell him what happened. At least not like this. She’ll have to tell him and Finn the whole story when she went back.</p><p> </p><p>Her heart dropped. She’s going to have to go back soon… Dred began trickling into her already taxed system and Rey felt drained.</p><p> </p><p>“I felt the Force pulling me to do something and I followed the feeling,” she replied, purposefully vague. It was true though. She felt the Force telling her to fly to Ahch-To and got the biggest and happiest surprise of her life.</p><p> </p><p>“And?” Poe prompted, clearly expecting more—pressing for more. “Why? Or are you going to just continue to omit?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s face flushed at the jab. “I have good reasons,” she growled testily. “When I’m ready, I’ll tell you about it, but I’m not about to right now. Not when you’re already furious with me and when Finn and the others aren’t around to hear it as well.”</p><p> </p><p>His face went stony at her continued evasion but he nodded in disgruntled acceptance. He knew that he could trust in Rey, otherwise she knew he would have continued to press.</p><p> </p><p>“Fine. When you get back, we want the whole story. Starting from Exegol and ending with this conversation. Okay, Rey?”</p><p> </p><p>The thought of finally telling them her whole ordeal should have given her relief, but now all she felt was an uneasy anxiety ripple through her nerves. What would they say with all of the new developments? How would they treat her after her confessions?</p><p> </p><p>The inside of her mouth felt like sandpaper when she answered him, “Okay.” She found herself agreeing, “I promise I will tell you the whole story when I get back.”</p><p> </p><p>“Good.” And then, “We need you back now, Rey. Things are bad.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey gulped, <em>now</em>?</p><p> </p><p>Rey didn’t want to leave. She wasn’t ready. She couldn’t part with Ben yet. It hadn’t been enough time. But she swallowed her panic—she had to because she noticed the look in Poe’s eyes. Real fear.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s wrong, Poe?”</p><p> </p><p>Poe sighed. He looked so tired. Like he was ready to just give up and hide away in bed for the rest of his life.</p><p> </p><p>“The government’s been somewhat restored. In the most base sense… We’ve managed to scrounge up a reasonable amount of former senators that survived the Cataclysm and we’ve got a coalition of generals assembled and mixed in, but the wrong faction is in charge.” He exhaled and squeezed his eyes shut, pained.</p><p> </p><p>“The Centrists, a group in favor of a strong, centralized more militaristic government has taken control of the... ugh I don’t even know if I can call it this—the <em>Senate</em>. They were in control when Hosnian Prime fell. Their faction leader, Carise Sindian, was just elected First Senator and…it’s not good Rey. Things aren’t going to get better with her in charge. They’re pretty likely to backslide with her in leadership.”</p><p> </p><p>He closed his eyes again and pressed both hands on his face, as if trying to relieve pressure. “In fact, Connix and I, as well as a significant group of other people, Resistance and Senate alike, think that if she remains in charge, we’re going to end up with another Empire or First Order-like government on our hands. Maybe not to that extent, but it’s the opposite direction the people of the galaxy need right now.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey, who has never had any political acumen or aptitude, felt the gravity of the situation in that moment. Mostly because of the feelings she sensed coming from Ben. Rage being the foremost, then despair, disappointment and a bit of resignation.</p><p> </p><p>“What can I do?” is all she can manage, eyes wide and heart palpitating.</p><p> </p><p>“Come home. We need your support. As the <em>Last Jedi</em>, you have more influence on the people and this sham of a government than you probably should, but it’s needed. We need you to help us get the right people in the right places.”</p><p> </p><p>“How can a Jedi—me particularly—possibly have that much influence?” she asked him, feeling overwhelmed.</p><p> </p><p>“Didn’t you hear the ‘Last Jedi’ part? Oh and lets not forget about how you stopped Palpatine from taking over again… You are the most influential person in the galaxy right now, Rey. The people—the senators—they’ll listen to you. Whatever you say, whatever you want is as good as aurodium right now.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey blinked in shock. Her? A scavenger from Jakku, had influence right now? People would listen to her? The idea of it made her dizzy with anxiety.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay…so I come back to Ajan Kloss and then what?”</p><p> </p><p>“Coruscant now, actually,” Poe corrected, just a little bitter sounding. “And I’m not sure. Connix and I will try to figure something out with our allies. But having you on our side of the Senate will certainly help a lot.”</p><p> </p><p>Her head spun as she felt like the metaphorical rug was being pulled from under her. Of course she knew that this wasn’t going to last. Of course she knew that she would have to go back to her friends and that she and Ben would have to part ways. Hopefully the separation would only be temporary… But she wasn’t ready to leave him yet. Rey didn’t think she would ever be ready to leave him.</p><p> </p><p>Rey had to fight against the instinct to look over at Ben. Instead, she managed a weak nod. Hopefully Poe would pass it off as shock at her sudden political influence. “When do you need me to come back?”</p><p> </p><p>“When can you take off?”</p><p> </p><p>So soon? A pit formed in her stomach, weighing more than a bantha could ever hope to. “I can start the pre-take off procedures now and be off world in an hour…” she found herself replying back, feeling absolutely numb.</p><p> </p><p>Poe Dameron nodded, looking relieved. “Good. Good, we’ll see you soon then. When you get in range, set coordinates for the Federal District of Galactic City, Coruscant. Finn and I will meet you on whatever landing platform you are assigned.” He gave her a small smile. “See you soon, Rey…” He ended the transmission.</p><p> </p><p>Rey stared blankly out of the transparisteel viewport. Her limbs felt like lead. Her head hurt and her heart twisted. Their time on Ahch-To was ending and she couldn’t think of anything worse that could happen right now. She knew that she had to go. Her friends needed her and apparently the New Republic needed her too. How was she going to solve that problem? She was just one woman—albeit a woman who happened to be the symbol of a lost order—but just a woman all the same.</p><p> </p><p>And Ben…What was she going to do with Ben? He wasn’t going want to stay here. Not when she was going away.</p><p> </p><p>Somewhere in the Outer Rim then? Would he be okay on his own? She almost scoffed at the thought. Of course he would be fine, he was Ben Solo. Would <em>she</em> be okay without him?</p><p> </p><p>Ben approached silently and sat down in the co-pilot’s chair. Just as soundlessly, he leaned over her and began running the pre-take off procedures. He flipped several switches without a word and Rey just…sat there. She was in shock.</p><p> </p><p>The sounds of machinery humming broke her out of that shock. “What are you doing?” her voice gritted out harshly though her mouth barely moved. She tore her eyes away from the viewport to watch him.</p><p> </p><p>Ben paused for just a second before he began flipping switches and checking the diagnostics again.</p><p> </p><p>“We’re going to Coruscant, didn’t you hear <em>Dameron?</em>” he ground out, dragging his hand roughly through his hair. Something was really bothering him. She couldn’t find the will to wonder why. Too many things were happening at once.</p><p> </p><p>Then she realized, he hadn’t said <em>you. </em>He had used <em>we.</em> That was enough to break her out of the hold she felt that she was under and her hand shot out to stop his busy fingers.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>We</em> aren’t going anywhere.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben pulled his hand away from her, “What do you mean? Of course we are.”</p><p> </p><p>“No,” Rey said sharply, probably more than it needed to be. “No. <em>You</em> are not coming with me. <em>You</em> are going to some secluded outpost in the Outer Rim and you’re going to stay hidden until I can come back for you.” Her hands clenched to stop their trembling.</p><p> </p><p>He froze and looked like he was about to say something inflammatory but deflated instead, eyes melancholy. “No I’m not, Rey. I’m coming with you to Coruscant.”</p><p> </p><p>What? Did he even know what he’s saying? Did he know what would happen to him if he came with her? He <em>has </em>to know that he would be arrested immediately. He would be executed for his crimes and roles in the First Order. Going with her was suicide. It was certain death. She would make him see that. He would understand and then they could pick out a planet for her to take him to.</p><p> </p><p>There was something off about him, she noticed through the sting of tears. Rey searched his eyes, his expression, his demeanor—everything. What she found made her want to pass out, retch, scream, and cry. All of it.</p><p> </p><p>There it was again—that look of total and complete self-loathing painted across his beautiful face. He didn’t try to hide the guilt anymore. Everything, every ounce of pain that he had carefully hidden away since that first night was now laid bare before her.</p><p> </p><p>Her throat went tight and a sharp, gasping sob escaped as her mind tried to pull together a conclusion she didn’t want to consider. She tried to ignore it, knowing full well that if she allowed herself to think it through, that she would fall to pieces.</p><p> </p><p>“No, Ben. You can’t come with me. You’ll be arrested. And then they’ll put you on trial and then they’ll—” another sharp sob—“they’ll execute you. They’ll take you away from me.” Her hands reached out for Ben, but he pulled away and turned away from her.</p><p> </p><p>His harsh reaction tore at her, gouging her soul deeply and she bit off another sob.</p><p> </p><p>He was making it so hard for her to ignore the reality of the situation. She blocked off that part of her mind that was begging her to see.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben, please,” Rey begged at his back, now bowed over the controls of the <em>Millennium Falcon</em>, “Let me take you somewhere else. Anywhere you want. Just please, don’t do this. Don’t come with me.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben released a slow, resigned breath and seemed to fold in on himself even more, as though her terrified words hurt him as much as they were hurting her.</p><p> </p><p>“You know I can’t do that Rey. I have to do this. I have to give myself over to the New Republic. It’s the very least I can do to make things right for the lives I’ve destroyed over the past seven years.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey tried to grasp at him through the bond, but it was completely shut to her. She couldn’t feel anything. But she could feel the tiny little fractures developing through her heart, as if it were made of some fragile material and not flesh and blood.</p><p> </p><p>Ben couldn’t mean that. Surely he wasn’t meaning to give himself over as some sort of twisted attempt at atonement. It didn’t make sense. He wouldn’t just give himself up, not after they finally were together. Would he?</p><p> </p><p>But then she remembered how torn apart he had been after that first nightmare. And she knew that he’d had several more even if he had tried to hide them from her. She recalled how broken he looked—how broken he felt after that dream. Guilt, regret, loathing—all swirled together and amplified, pounding him to pulp underneath the weight of it all, drowning him in the heavy, viscous depths. She recalled the times after where a shadow seemed to hang over him and darkened him, closing him off. She recalled the new darkness that was enveloping him more and more often.</p><p> </p><p>The part of her mind she fought against broke through with the conclusion that she tried to deny.</p><p> </p><p>Ben wanted to absolve himself for the time he was with the First Order. He wanted to atone for the acts of terror that he committed at Kylo Ren. And he thought that the only way he could do that was through his death.</p><p> </p><p>An echoing ringing in Rey’s ears drowned the sound of the life support system out and she was hit with a sweeping wave of nausea. Her vision blared white for a moment and then returned, black spotting the edges. She felt like she was going to pass out. <em>No</em>. No, no, no, no.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re abandoning me.” Her voice sounded so weak, so pathetic that she couldn’t believe that it was actually coming from her.</p><p> </p><p>Ben froze and his broken eyes snapped up to meet hers. “You’re better off without me,” he murmured so softly she almost didn’t catch it.</p><p> </p><p>Rey blinked in a daze, not fully comprehending. But then her mind licked back into motion, synapses connecting rapidly to make up for the delay.</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t deny it. Fury flared to life as soon as those words passed through his lips and Rey almost screamed. Her vision cleared but was now tinged in bloody red.</p><p> </p><p>He <em>hadn’t</em> denied it.</p><p> </p><p>“No!” She’s standing now, yelling at him fiercely. “Don’t you <em>dare</em> say that Ben Solo. You have no idea—you have absolutely no right to say that I’m better off without you.” She’s fuming, her blood molten with black anger and she’s never wanted to hit something as badly as she wanted to in this moment.</p><p> </p><p>“Haven’t I told you how broken I was when you died? Did you not believe me? Have you forgotten?” Her hands ripped at her hair as her knees quaked and threatened to collapse. A wild thought passes through her mind in an instant.</p><p> </p><p>“Or should I remind you?” she asked blinking numbly, her state of emotion oscillating between icy panic and blistering rage.</p><p> </p><p>She doesn’t wait for a reply. She tore down his shields, not feeling the slightest bit guilty when he flinched and—</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Ben sees it all. He feels everything that Rey felt during those four weeks between Exegol and Ahch-To.</p><p> </p><p>Flashes of Rey curled up on her sleeping pad, tears tracking down her face, holding a bloodied and frayed black sweater tightly against her chest, her heart spiking in pain as the grief she tried to hold back broke through her walls.</p><p> </p><p>Rey sliding down the wall of an abandoned corridor on the Resistance base, shaking and hyperventilating after inadvertently brushing against their severed bond and remembering that <em>he</em> was gone.</p><p> </p><p>Rey lying to her friends, telling them she was just tired, that Exegol had drained her while she fought to keep it together until she could make it into the privacy of her room to cry over him.</p><p> </p><p>Waking up in the middle of the night cycle feeling as though half of her heart—no, half of her soul—was gone, feeling like she wanted to be dead instead of living through the agony of life without her soul mate. Endless grief, endless numbness, endless loneliness…</p><p> </p><p>“STOP!” Ben roared as he stood and clawed at his head. He slammed his barriers back up forcefully and Rey jolted at having their connection ended so abruptly.</p><p> </p><p>Her eyes were darkened by the anger she felt, her face white from the effort of pushing her memories into his mind, making the smattering of freckles stand starkly from her skin. Tears poured down her cheeks and she watched him, her face finally breaking and revealing the panic he knew she had been fighting against.</p><p> </p><p>A sob escaped from him too. Why was she making this so hard? Why couldn’t she see that this was the only way he could pay for his sins? And that he couldn’t live with the tormenting guilt any longer?</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t you see?” his voice broke as more sobs escaped, “This is the only way for me to even try to make amends. Isn’t it fair to the people I’ve hurt for me to give my life in retribution? I can’t bring back the ones I’ve killed. But I can give them my life and I <em>want </em>to. I’m not a good person. I’ve done terrible, horrifying things. Unforgivable things. I’m a murderer, Rey. I know you don’t see it anymore, but I am a monster. Everyone but you knows it. And the galaxy will celebrate my death. As they should. Everything will be better if I’m gone.”</p><p> </p><p>He’s shaking. She’s shaking too. He longed to pull her against his chest until they were both calm. But he stayed put, fighting against the instincts that drove him to comfort her. Rey’s limbs quaked like leaves in the wind and her head shook in vehement denial of what he was urging her to believe—to understand.</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t want to abandon her. <em>He didn’t.</em> But he couldn’t live like this. He couldn’t live with the shame and the guilt and the remorse anymore. He tried to for her sake, but it had eaten away at him anyway. Now he felt that he had nothing left to give but his life.</p><p> </p><p>And Rey? Rey deserved someone who wouldn’t live out life as a fugitive. She didn’t deserve to live a dangerous life on the run, which was all he could offer her. She deserved a normal man and a normal life.</p><p> </p><p>And it wasn’t like he had actually ever deserved her in the first place.</p><p> </p><p>“Do I get no say in this?” was all she could manage through her tears.</p><p> </p><p>Ben watched her for a moment, wishing that his mind wouldn’t memorize the heart-wrenching expression painted on her face. “Rey…” he started gently as though he were speaking to a spooked animal, “I’ve already decided. I need to do this.”</p><p> </p><p>A spark reignited the flames behind her hazel eyes. She was so beautiful, even in anger. His Rey.</p><p> </p><p>She was basically growling when she finally replied, all fire and determination. A small part of him couldn’t help but admire her will in this moment. He almost found himself believing her.</p><p> </p><p>“I will not let you fly back with me. You are not going to turn yourself in to the New Republic and you will not be executed. You’re going to hide in the Outer Rim and then after everything is settled, we’ll find each other and you are. <em>Going. To. Take. Me</em>. To every kriffing planet we talked about. And we’ll see more after that.”</p><p> </p><p>She stood right in front of him now and looked like she was wavering between keeping her hands at her sides and gripping at his shirt to pull him to her.</p><p> </p><p>Ben had to look away. Had to push her away somehow.</p><p> </p><p>He glanced out of the viewport for clarity. It faced the small island, giving them a beautiful view of the green mountain ahead, glowing in the early daylight.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not changing my mind.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey shouted in frustration and hit the headrest of the pilot chair.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you mean to tell me that you’re planning on just abandoning me—abandoning <em>us</em>—and waltzing into the capital of the New Republic to be a martyr?” She hissed at him, her eyes darkening again.</p><p> </p><p>The word hit a nerve and it’s all Ben can do to keep from shouting, “I am no martyr.” Each word is punctuated heavily. “Make no mistake, Rey. I am a villain. You used know that as well as I do.” Despite himself, he moved closer to her. He needed to be close to her, needed to make her understand. “I am doing what needs to be done. I need to do this.”</p><p> </p><p>And more softly, trying to deny the truth though they both knew it was a lie. “I’m not abandoning you…”</p><p> </p><p>Rey let out a choked sob and collapsed in on herself. “You are! You’re telling me that you would rather <em>die</em> than be with me.”</p><p> </p><p>Part of him actually did die upon hearing that. It wasn’t true, not in the slightest. If he were strong enough to face his demons, if he were strong enough to live and not take the coward’s way out, he would do everything in his power to be with her.</p><p> </p><p>For a short time between Kef Bir and his death on Exegol, he thought that he would be strong enough.</p><p> </p><p>But the truth was that he wasn’t brave enough. He wasn’t strong enough. He was weak and he wanted to die. He wanted to be free of the pain.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t want to leave you,” he breathes. “I don’t, but Rey. I can’t do this. I can’t live with what I’ve done. I’m just not strong enough. So no matter what you say—no matter what you do, I am coming with you to Coruscant and I will face my fate with whatever shred of honor I have left because it is the right thing to do.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey was on him now, grasping at his shirt, pulling on his arms, doing everything she could to move him, to get him to take her in his arms. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t hurt her anymore and maybe some distance was what they needed most.</p><p> </p><p>She was begging him now, her eyes red and swollen, nose running and hair in a frantic state. She clutched at him as if he were some precious commodity she richly desired. “Please don’t do this, Ben. Don’t go this way.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s breath hitched. Those were the same exact words she had said to him on the <em>Supremacy</em> a year ago. He hadn’t listened to her then and he wasn’t going to listen to her now.</p><p> </p><p>Ben reached out through the Force and found her consciousness in a state of sickening panic. He sought out the band that connected her to consciousness and cut it, catching her easily when she collapsed against him and whispered a tearful, “I’m so sorry,” against her temple.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Refutations and Resignation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Oh man, I almost didn't finish editing this chapter in time for an update today! One of my sisters (the one terrified of oceans) is delivering her first baby today. So my husband, two year old (bb boy doesn't really care all that much tbh) and I have been anxiously been waiting for updates on her status all day. Just a tad distracted.</p><p>Thank you to all that comment on the story! Your kind words make it all worth it. So even though I don't comment back often, I really appreciate it! I will try to do better with responding. I always feel weird when authors comment back on my responses, so that's why I don't really respond. I don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable.</p><p>ALSO: I have finished chapter 22. Soo... I need to update the number of chapters in this story. I just don't know how many chapters I still need to write. I'm hoping to wrap it up in no more than four, but I think this story is going to be closer to 27-30 chapters. Once I know, I will update the chapter count. But there will certainly be more than 20. </p><p>TRIGGER WARNINGS:<br/>self harm<br/>depression<br/>anxiety<br/>suicidal ideation<br/>descriptions of injury</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>CHAPTER FIFTEEN: Refutations and Resignation</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Rey awoke in her bunk with a raging headache. She raised a hand to feel at her temple gingerly and tried to remember what happened.</p><p> </p><p>She was, for lack of a better word, exhausted. Her brain felt foggy, as though it had been forced through too much sleep. And her eyes didn’t seem to want to stay opened at all. Her tongue and the insides of her cheeks felt cottony, indicating that it had been a long time since she’d had any water. That didn’t seem right. Ever since gaining access to a regular water supply, Rey was always careful to have enough water in her system to make sure she didn’t have to wake up feeling like that ever again. There had been too many memories of dehydration for her to do anything otherwise. She always had a full canteen by her bedside. She peeked and hefted it. It was light. Too light. </p><p> </p><p>Then she remembered. She’d already woken up once today. This was the second time.</p><p> </p><p>Her stomach heaved as everything came crashing down on her. Ben. Coruscant. Execution. Mournful words echoed in her mind with a low voice as everything went black. <em>I’m so sorry.</em></p><p> </p><p>The sublight engines and hyperdrive hummed, alerting Rey to the fact that they were traveling at this very moment to the place Rey least wanted to go to now. To the place where her life was surely going to end. She leapt out of bed and sprinted down the corridor to the cockpit.</p><p> </p><p>She froze. The blastdoor was closed. She spun to the control panel and nearly smashed it in her hurry to get through to the cockpit.</p><p> </p><p>The panel beeped sadly in the negative and she did a double take. That sickening rage she felt started trickling back into her system. Did—did he lock her out?</p><p> </p><p>More gently this time, she requested access to the cockpit only for the panel to beep its rejection once again. An angry gasp—more of a hiss really, clawed out from deep within her. She couldn’t believe it. Ben Solo had knocked her out via the Force and had <em>locked </em>her out of the cockpit.</p><p> </p><p>She didn’t know whether to cry due to the heartbreak of it all or to scream in fury. He was flying them to Coruscant knowing full well what the consequences would be if he came with her. He wanted to turn himself in to the New Republic and face charges for his roles in the First Order and subsequent acts with said regime.</p><p> </p><p>Rey wasn’t a fool. She knew that Ben had done horrible things. She knew that he had senselessly killed many beings during his reign as Kylo Ren. She knew his reputation wasn’t baseless. He’d tried to kill her and her friends before. He’d killed his own father. She also knew that he had been party to many of the despicable and completely unforgivable acts of war the First Order had dealt the galaxy, like the Hosnian Cataclysm.</p><p> </p><p>And while she hadn’t really forgiven him for those acts—doubted she ever truly could—she saw the man behind the mask. She knew his conflict as intimately as she knew her own. She knew that under it all, under the manipulations and deceit he’d endured, after everything he’d been through and everything he’d done, there was light within him. She had known that from the beginning. And now that light was shining through like it was meant to.</p><p> </p><p>She knew that he regretted what he’d done and wished that he could take it all back. There was a good man beneath it all. That man was all she had seen since Exegol.</p><p> </p><p>And in her eyes, he had redeemed himself already when he showed up in the Sith Citadel blazing with light and armed only with a blaster. When he saved her from her wretched grandfather and his dark legacy. When he gave his life to restore hers.</p><p> </p><p>But she hadn’t known that he honestly, truly believed the only way to seek redemption was through his death. And that…broke her. Completely and utterly destroyed her because he deserved to live. He deserved to redeem himself in the eyes of others as well.</p><p> </p><p>It destroyed her because Ben was her other half not only in the Force but of her soul as well.</p><p> </p><p>And despite her begging him to choose otherwise, he seemed adamant to fly to his certain death rather than fight for atonement in other ways.</p><p> </p><p>He had options—better ways of redeeming himself—and he settled on the worst possible solution. He’d chosen the option that would only satisfy temporarily. It would do nothing but serve to slake bloodlust for a time before the blood of others was called for again. His death would do no good for the galaxy in the long run.</p><p> </p><p>He’d chosen the option that would take him away from her again and she honestly didn’t know if she could survive it this time.</p><p> </p><p>She was a complicated mess of heartbreak and unmitigated fury. At the moment, the fury was winning. Red-hot anger pooled in her stomach and she started pounding at the blast door, raising herself on tip-toe to get a good look at the idiot who was trying to ruin their lives.</p><p> </p><p>“BEN SOLO!” she shouted, “You kriffing idiot! Open this door right now!”</p><p> </p><p>She scowled as she watched him through the small viewport in the door. He had his back to her and gave no indication of hearing her. His hands methodically moved across the control panel and his back was held ramrod straight. Rey’s eyes narrowed and she pounded on the blast door again, harder this time. “Ben! Let me in! Open this door right now! LET ME IN!”</p><p> </p><p>Still nothing. Not even a twitch. She screamed viciously at the door.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t you dare ignore me, Ben! Not after what you just did! Open up! Let me in right now!” Her palm opened up as she started banging on the transparisteel viewport instead, the slapping stung her palm. “We’re <em>not</em> going to Coruscant, do you hear me? I refuse to go! Turn this ship around right NOW!”</p><p> </p><p>Still nothing. Though perhaps his shoulders seemed to tense up a bit more? Rey couldn’t know for sure. She decided it was in her imagination.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you even care?” her voice tore from her throat violently, “Do you even care what you’re doing to us right now?”</p><p> </p><p>He hadn’t even flinched. He wasn’t going to let her in. Rey backed up, breathing heavily. It was time to change tactics.</p><p> </p><p>She debated tearing open the panel next to the blast door, but knowing Ben, he had certainly thought of her supernatural abilities with machinery and had done something to prevent her from forcing the door open that way. He’d most likely activated an interior lock that could only be opened from his side.</p><p> </p><p>That left brute force…and a lightsaber that she was hesitant to use. She was loath to damage the legendary ship. Rey wouldn’t take her blade to the door unless she was absolutely certain he wouldn’t open it for her otherwise.</p><p> </p><p><em>So brute force it is</em>, she growled internally.</p><p> </p><p>Rey backed to the end of the cockpit’s entrance corridor and then ran full force toward the blast door, angling her shoulder to catch it. If she had been thinking clearly, she would have realized that durasteel beats human every time. But she was most certainly not thinking clearly.</p><p> </p><p>Her shoulder collided with the blast door with a solid thud and the impact reverberated painfully through her bones. <em>Ouch</em>. The ache didn’t stop her from backing up and doing it a second time. Or a third time. Or a fourth or even a fifth.</p><p> </p><p>On her eighth collision, shoulders bruised and bleeding, she finally collapsed onto her knees and started pounding against the door again, weakly now. Her shoulders seared in pain at the motion. <em>Definitely dislocated one of them…</em></p><p> </p><p>If he didn’t open the door while she was hurting herself by charging into it, she really didn’t believe he would open it at all.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben. <em>Ben</em>!” she was crying hoarsely, had been after the second charge dislodged something. His name tore through her throat painfully. “Please, don’t do this! Please don’t sacrifice yourself. Don’t leave me…”</p><p> </p><p>Silence. Nothing.</p><p> </p><p>It was panic’s turn to burst out. She felt its icy fingers trail down her spine and spread through her limbs to her fingers. Her breathing picked up and she started to shake. She was hyperventilating again. Her mind cycled constantly over scenes she’d imagined since Ben told her his intentions.</p><p> </p><p>She could see him walking down the boarding ramp and Finn and Poe arresting him and having him detained and tried then executed. She could see Finn shooting Ben on the spot—or Poe instead. She could see a trigger-happy security guard doing it. In every single situation she imagined, Ben ended up dead and she just stood by helpless.</p><p> </p><p>Except.</p><p> </p><p>Except, she realized with sudden clarity through her wretched, keening gasps—she wasn’t helpless, was she? She didn’t have to stand by and watch her friends and allies murder the man she loves. She could do something about it. She could make them see that Ben is a changed man—that he deserved a chance at redemption. She can make them see that he should live.</p><p> </p><p>And just as suddenly, the hyperventilating stopped. And she was back on her feet, slowly and with a lot of hisses of pain, but back on her feet nonetheless. She needed to think this through very carefully. She needed to figure out exactly what to say and do to make not only the former Resistance members realize that Ben Solo deserves to live, but whatever fragments remain of the New Republic Senate as well.</p><p> </p><p>She could work with this. She could convince the senators and the generals and whoever else gets to decide Ben’s fate because she is Rey Skywalker, the hero of the galaxy—the Last Jedi and damn it all if that didn’t mean something.</p><p> </p><p>A calm serenity overcame her, something she wasn’t expecting to feel for a very long time. This…this felt right. As if the Force was quietly assuring her of the course. And if the Force willed it, then Maker, she would do it.</p><p> </p><p>Rey breathed deeply to extend that serenity to her limbs, then to her toes and released the heavy breath. She got up, dusted off her gray leggings and knocked on the blast door at a reasonable volume though her shoulders screamed at the movement.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben, can I talk to you please? I promise I won’t hijack the controls from you. Or redirect the course. Will you just…let me in?” she hoped that she didn’t sound unhinged. But she probably came off as suspicious what with the dramatic change from sobbing heap of flesh to a calm and collected person.</p><p> </p><p>Ben confirmed her suspicions when she hears his voice through the comm in the panel next to the blast door. “Why?” he asked her in a guarded tone. “You’ve spent the last hour trying to break the door down. Why should I believe that you’re not just changing tactics to get me to let my guard down?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, so you <em>could</em> hear that?” she retorted sarcastically.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey…” came Ben’s warning reply.</p><p> </p><p>She huffed. “Fine. I <em>am </em>changing tactics, but not in the way you think.” She decided that honesty would be the best route with the stubborn man locked in the cockpit.</p><p> </p><p>Rey heaved out a weighted breath and then elaborated, hoping that he would see reason and let her in. “I’ve decided that forcing you to change your mind isn’t going to work. You’re too much of a stubborn ass to listen to reason.” A raspy huff sounds over the comm. “But I’ve realized that I don’t have to stand by and let them execute you. And I’m not. When we get to Coruscant they’ll arrest you and <em>I </em>will do everything in my power to get you off of death row.”</p><p> </p><p>“Rey…” he says again, this time sounding defeated.</p><p> </p><p>“No, no! Just listen to me, Ben.” Her fingers curled against the durasteel frame and she bit at the inside of her cheek to keep the frustration from manifesting again. “Can you let me in so I can talk to you?”</p><p> </p><p>Silence.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben…” she pleaded again.</p><p> </p><p>“…Fine.”</p><p> </p><p>The blastdoor hissed open and Rey fell through, catching herself on one of the back chairs. She winced when her left shoulder collided against its back. That shoulder had taken the brunt of her attacks.</p><p> </p><p>Ben hadn’t turned to look at her. Instead, he had curled in on himself and kept his head bowed low.</p><p> </p><p>Rey approached the captain’s chair he sat in hesitantly and then lowered herself into the co-pilot chair with a hiss. She’d <em>definitely</em> done something to her shoulder. Not that she wasn’t certain before. But now she was extra certain. She watched Ben carefully. He turned his head away from her, preventing her from getting a read on him. His side of the bond was shut firm against her prodding and he had masked his Force signature.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben?” she prompted him uneasily.</p><p> </p><p>He curled further away from her, as if he was trying to escape. Deciding to ignore his reactions to her, Rey reached out and touched his shoulder, grabbing it with her right hand to get him to look at her.</p><p> </p><p>He resisted and turned even further away as if <em>she </em>had been the one to do the wrong thing and <em>he </em>was mad at her for it.</p><p> </p><p>Unbelievable. Rey grit her teeth and watched him warily for a few moments. When it became clear that he was not going to engage, she reached out with both arms to tug him into her direction and yelped when the movement bit at her dislocated shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s head snapped in her direction as she gripped at the offending joint and bit back curses.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re hurt,” he murmured quietly, and then his eyes went wide as if surprised he said anything at all.</p><p> </p><p>Her breathing stopped momentarily as she took him in.</p><p> </p><p>He looked awful. His hair hung lank and eyes were bloodshot and swollen. His cheeks had this shiny quality about them as if he had been—she gasped, unable to stop herself—as if he had been crying.</p><p> </p><p>Ben scoffed as he watched her take in his appearance, eyes dark and stormy.</p><p> </p><p>“What…” she started, voice quavering, “What happened to you?”</p><p> </p><p>He had the gall to roll his eyes as if the reason were obvious. “You did.”</p><p> </p><p>Her blank stare provoked him into an elaboration. “Do you know how close I was to bursting out there to stop you from hurting yourself? Do you know how kriffing hard it was to listen to that?” He turned away and stared out the viewport, face highlighted by the streaks of blue and white. “It was killing me, to hear you screaming and crying and then literally breaking your body to get in here.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey glared at him, shoulder throbbing sharply at his admission. “If it bothered you so much, why didn’t you stop me?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben huffed out a harsh breath, and his shoulders drooped into a defeated slouch. “Because if I had, you probably could have convinced me to change course…”</p><p> </p><p>She gulped, eyes wide and heart pounding. “Ben…”</p><p> </p><p>“I have to do this, Rey. I can’t live with this guilt anymore. Even if I could and I didn’t do it, they would find me eventually and where would that leave us? What if you and I continued down this path,” he gestured between the two of them without looking at her, “and they find me years down the road and we have children and they take me away from them? From you?” Ben choked on a sob, still refusing to look at her, “How would that be fair?”</p><p> </p><p>He went silent for a moment before he finally looked at her, amber eyes broken, shining with unshed tears. “At least this way I leave you before its too late…”</p><p> </p><p>Rey couldn’t stop herself from reaching out and gripping his arm, feeling a deep unnamed emotion heat her in spite of the dark topic they were trudging through. She wanted to talk about how he saw them together with children. The thought sent unexpected thrills through her. But now was definitely not the time. Instead, she settled on assuaging his fears on their hypothetical future.</p><p> </p><p>“Well,” she started in what she hoped was a soothing tone, “If we were to go off into the galaxy together, there are ways to prevent children if you’re afraid of losing them…”</p><p> </p><p>“But Ben,” she continued trying to sound optimistic for both their sakes, “I think we can avoid all of that if you would just listen to me. I have an idea.”</p><p> </p><p>He watched her cautiously and loosely gripped her hand in his. “Okay, I’ll bite…hypothetically, of course.”</p><p> </p><p>Despite their situation and all of the heavy emotions churning within her, Rey snorted and cracked a slightly crazed smile.</p><p> </p><p>“Well you can believe its hypothetical. To me, its what I plan on doing the moment we land on Coruscant.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben rolled his eyes this time, seeming to become more himself through their interactions. Rey took this as a good sign. Maybe she could convince him to not go through with his plan. Or maybe he would still do what he planned but she would succeed anyway. She didn’t really need his help in this anyway. There wasn’t much he could do from behind bars.</p><p> </p><p>“Which is?” he prompted somewhat impatiently.</p><p> </p><p>“Why, how I plan to have your sentence reduced to something significantly less permanent than <em>death.</em>”</p><p> </p><p>“Rey…” <em>Not with that warning tone again</em>, Rey groaned internally, half wanting to strangle her companion.</p><p> </p><p>“No Ben, listen.”</p><p> </p><p>He exhaled in exasperation and raised his eyebrows at her, as if to say, <em>Alright fine, out with it then.</em></p><p> </p><p>“I know that no matter what, you’re going to be arrested and out through a trial or something to that effect. I’m going to testify and tell them that you’ve changed. That you defected and joined the Resistance in a critical moment. I want to tell them about what happened on Exegol, what happened on the <em>Supremacy</em>, all of it. And I want you to tell them about Snoke’s—Palpatine’s—whichever’s—manipulations.”</p><p> </p><p>She ignored his deepening scowl of disbelief and continued on undaunted.</p><p> </p><p>“I know it sounds crazy. I know it sounds like it won’t work, but Ben, they can’t condemn you to death if they knew how vital your role was in taking down the First Order <em>and </em>the Final Order. They just can’t.”</p><p> </p><p>She gripped his hand tightly, “Without you, we would be in a much worse situation than we were before. I’ll get my friends to help me. It can work!”</p><p> </p><p>Ben shook his head, displacing his thick dark hair over his face.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey…” He trailed off, his face a thorough mix of annoyance and misery. “That’s not true. I didn’t defect; I just knew I had to save you from Palpatine. I came to save you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe you didn’t defect officially, but you betrayed your master and came to save <em>me</em>, a member of the Resistance from the emperor, an enemy of the Resistance. Our enemy,” she argued back, persisting. “That’s as good as defecting in my book. And I will make sure they know that.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben just pressed his lips together into a tight line and sighed in frustration.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you telling me that you wouldn’t have joined the Resistance after all of that?”</p><p> </p><p>His dark eyes darted up to meet hers and held her stare. “Yes? No? I don’t know. I’m not saying that I wouldn’t have joined I guess... But there wouldn’t have been a place for me with them, Rey. I would have been imprisoned then just as surely as I’ll be imprisoned now.”</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t think it will work…” Rey tried to keep the crestfallen expression from manifesting. The members of the Resistance were good people. And the Senators that Poe was working with had to be good people too, or else why would he be allied with them? Good people could see reason. Good people could have mercy.</p><p> </p><p>Ben laughed, the sound humorless and she could feel his pity through their bond. Had he heard her thoughts?</p><p> </p><p>He dragged both hands through his hair and shook his head, disbelieving. “I know it won’t work.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey bit her lip hard, frustrated at his blunt words.</p><p> </p><p>He took her silence as encouragement to continue, “First of all, why would they believe that I’ve changed? The only act that proves what you say only had two surviving witnesses. You and I. And once people find out about your…fondness…for me, your credibility will go out the viewport. And I don’t have to tell you that no one will believe my word. They’ll all assume I’m lying to save myself.”</p><p> </p><p>She opened her mouth to protest but he silenced her with a finger. She shifted uncomfortably in her seat and winced as the movement jostled her injured shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s eyes flashed dangerously. “Don’t think I’m not going to heal that when we’re through with this ridiculous conversation,” he added as an aside to the main discussion.</p><p> </p><p>He changed topics again, “As for the <em>Supremacy</em>? That hurts your case as much as it helps it. Sure, I killed Snoke for you, but then I took over as Supreme Leader for a year. So…yeah you just shouldn’t use that. They’ll see it as a power play. Which it wasn’t necessarily at first. But in the end, it was.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey was glaring at him now. He was so determined to dash up her hopes, wasn’t he?</p><p> </p><p>“And finally, the manipulations. You’re right, I was manipulated basically my entire life, but there is no way for you or I to prove it. No one would believe me if I told them that I made the choices I made because of voices I heard inside my head. And regardless, I was still free to choose. I’m sorry, Rey. They won’t believe it. Again, they’ll think I’m lying to save my own skin. They want to believe that I’ll say anything to keep myself alive.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well if you just told them—” she tried interjecting, starting to feel overwhelmed and more than a little hopeless.</p><p> </p><p>“What makes you think I’m going to defend myself? I already told you that I’ve resigned myself to execution.”</p><p> </p><p>“You can’t really mean that you want to die, Ben. You’re upset, I understand. You feel incredible guilt and remorse. I know you feel like your drowning in it, like you’ll never break the surface again. I know that you feel completely alone in this…” Ben flinched and pinched the bridge of his nose, breathing deeply. Rey continued in earnest anyway.</p><p> </p><p>She had to make him see.</p><p> </p><p>“But you aren’t alone. You will <em>never</em> be alone again. I’m here for you. I want to help you. I want you to see that you still have a life that is worth living. And more than anything, I want you to come out of this ordeal alive so that we can move on with our lives together and just—let the past die.”</p><p> </p><p>She shifted closer to him, their knees brushing. “You and I have so much to live for, Ben. We have a whole future together. Can’t you see it? Can’t you feel it? Because I can. I don’t want to let that go. I can’t.”</p><p> </p><p>His head dropped in his palms and Rey watched his shoulders start shaking in silence. Her heart fell as she began to understand that what she had to say didn’t affect him the way she believed it would. Her insides began to hollow out as she watched Ben tremble before her.</p><p> </p><p>“This is why I shouldn’t have let you in, Rey,” he whispered, voice hitching, “You come in here with this blinding, foolish hope and make me believe—” he gasped and tried to even his breathing before sitting up and facing her.</p><p> </p><p>His eyes were wet and pierced hers to the very center of her being, causing her soul to ache with the strength of it. “You make me want to believe that there is hope for me. But there isn’t. There can’t be.”</p><p> </p><p>Her head shook violently, denying what he was saying. He didn’t understand. There was always hope. It would be so very difficult for him to overcome this, but she knew that if he just tried, if he had <em>hope,</em> he could do it.</p><p> </p><p>“There is <em>always</em> hope.”</p><p> </p><p>“Not for me, Rey. I’m a lost cause.”</p><p> </p><p>She gritted her teeth, not for the first time today and probably not the last. She wasn’t going to give up on him. No matter how badly he wanted her to, she wouldn’t give up on their future.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey…” he finally said after the silence dragged on too long, “I’ve personally killed hundreds, been responsible for the deaths of thousands. I enslaved systems and I enforced brutal marshal law on multiple others. What makes you think you have a chance of preventing an execution?” He seemed detached for a moment, seemingly genuinely curious now.</p><p> </p><p>She paused for a moment to collect her thoughts and struck on one that she believed to be the most simple, the most potent reason of all. Then, she shrugged.</p><p> </p><p>“Because if you hadn’t come when you did, if you had been a minute or two later, everything would have been lost.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben looked at her now, a strange expression drawn across his face.</p><p> </p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey fortified herself with a deep breath and decided to tell him what he’d missed before arriving on Exegol.</p><p> </p><p>“Palpatine made it quite clear to me that the Resistance and their allies were doomed. He had thousands of those star destroyers… So he made me a bargain. If I struck him down and allowed him to possess my body—if I became the new empress—he promised that he would let everyone escape…”</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s expression grew horrified and Rey had to look down so that she could continue. She didn’t want to see his disappointment in her. “I was so desperate to save my friends that I was going to do it. I was ready to give myself over to him if it meant my friends might live. But then…” she trailed off and found herself staring into warm, brown eyes and felt her heart stir.</p><p> </p><p>“But I felt you and then I <em>saw</em> you, standing there with so much light and hope in your eyes…and I just knew everything was going to be alright.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s hands reached out and rested on her thighs, warming through flesh she had no idea was chilled. She almost lost herself in the feel of his touch, realizing that this was the first time he’d touched her since everything went to hell.</p><p> </p><p>She missed him. Missed the feel of him.</p><p> </p><p>Rey covered his giant hands with her good one and sighed, feeling exhausted—emotionally and physically. “So you see, if you hadn’t come for me, all would have been lost. Therefore, ensuring that your role in all of this was vital to the destruction of the First and Final Orders and the salvation of the galaxy and there is merit to that. I know that there is. I know I can get them to see it too.”</p><p> </p><p>And she was sure. She knew that if Finn and Poe and Rose knew how important Ben had been to the galaxy’s salvation, they would see that he deserved a chance to rectify his wrongs. They would give him a chance to fix things. And if she could convince them, then surely, they could convince others.</p><p> </p><p>She watched the top of his dark head as he held to her, waiting with baited breath for his response.</p><p> </p><p>When he finally looked up at her, Rey swore that she saw a small flicker of hope but it disappeared too quickly. She took it as a win. She would get through to him. And she would get through to her friends and then to the Senate too.</p><p> </p><p>Ben Solo would live.</p><p> </p><p>After another lingering silence, Ben stood up. He turned and without a word, scooped Rey up in his arms, taking care not to jostle her wounded shoulder too much.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben!” She squeaked in surprise, “What are you doing?”</p><p> </p><p>He took them to the main hold and set her carefully on the dejarik table. “We only have a short amount of time before whatever is going to happen, happens,” he said as he gently examined her injuries. “I don’t want to fight anymore. I just want to spend this time with you. Enjoying what time we have left,” he looked down at her beseechingly, “So please, let me take care of you. Let me just be with you.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey didn’t want to be done talking about it. She wanted to convince him to want to live. But he looked so desperate, so earnest that she knew that she couldn’t deny him this small thing. Because if she was wrong and she failed, then this would be the last time she and Ben could be together. And as much as she couldn’t stand that thought, the thought of wasting this precious time on arguments was exponentially worse.</p><p> </p><p>So she leaned into him, rested her forehead against his broad chest and simply replied, “Okay.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben relaxed into the contact, seeming to melt into her. She felt a ragged breath release into her hair.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you, Rey,” he breathed. Then she felt him pushing her away from him and she almost whimpered from the loss of his warmth.</p><p> </p><p>She craned her neck to see why he’d pulled away from her only to observe him fidgeting in unease. He chewed his full bottom lip and watched her anxiously.</p><p> </p><p>Her heart sped as panic began filling her belly again, but she fought it back long enough for her to ask, “What’s wrong?”</p><p> </p><p>He clenched his fist and his brows drew over his eyes, clearly unhappy about something. “I have to reduce your shoulder,” he frowned and the anxiety seemed to multiply. “I really don’t want to hurt you, Rey. But I can’t heal you until your shoulder is back in place.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s mouth dropped into an ‘o’. She couldn’t help but feel touched at how unhappy the thought of hurting her made him. Her chest warmed and she stared up at him until he cleared his throat, brows still creased, waiting for a response.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh you don’t have to do that. I can reduce it myself. Maker knows I’ve done it plenty of times after bad jumps in those rusty old star destroyers.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben blanched, blinking rapidly before gaining control over himself again. “You’ve done it yourself? Multiple times? Stars, Rey, how are you not arthritic already?”</p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t have fancy medical droids to help me out every time I injured myself…” she muttered back almost sarcastically, thinking about how her shoulders did ache frequently due to her shoddy first aid skills. But she would never tell him that.</p><p> </p><p>He rolled his eyes, “I actually self-treated most of the time. Difference being I had resources to make sure it was done right.”</p><p> </p><p>“Your point being?”</p><p> </p><p>“It would be easier for me to reduce it for you because I know how to do it properly.” He paused and pursed his lips in thought. “I guess the injury factor isn’t as important since I’m just going to turn around and heal you immediately after.”</p><p> </p><p>He caught the stricken look on her face and hurried to reply. “No. You don’t get to do that again. I was <em>fine</em> after I healed you yesterday and I’ll be fine this time.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey clenched her teeth and watched him with wide eyes and tight lips. “I know…” she forced out, “still doesn’t make it any easier for me to let you do it though.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben shrugged a shoulder blithely, trying to lighten the mood, she supposed. It wasn’t really working.</p><p> </p><p>“You’ll be conscious this time. That means you can carefully monitor me and make me stop if you think I’ve done too much.” He smiled lightly down at her, making her heart skip a beat.</p><p> </p><p>She considered for a moment, “Would you really stop if I wanted you to?” she asked skeptically. She itched for him to start. Her fingers on the dislocated side were going numb, but she didn’t want to let him unless she trusted he wouldn’t hurt himself.</p><p> </p><p>Ben smirked—actually smirked and shrugged again, “Probably not.”</p><p> </p><p>He was being insufferable and it was all she could do to cover the unwanted giggle with a scoff. “Ugh!” she groaned, jabbing her knee into his thigh sharply, eliciting a satisfying grunt from him as his leg gave out momentarily. “Don’t be a prick!”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course I would stop, Rey. I was joking!” He was laughing now and after all that had happened between them in the last twenty-four hours, Rey felt herself lightning if only just a little bit. If she could still get Ben to laugh after all of that, that meant there had to be hope.</p><p> </p><p>Rey exhaled slowly as though his request had put her out more than it actually had and threw her head back dramatically. “Okay, okay! Do you worst, Ben Solo.”</p><p> </p><p>His chuckles went nervous and then disappeared entirely as his energy shifted back to anxious. She grabbed his hand and squeezed it softly.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s okay, Ben,” she encouraged, “I’ve had worse before and I trust you. And like you said, you’re just going to heal me immediately after anyway.” Her lips drew into a comforting smile and she squeezed his hand again.</p><p> </p><p>“I know,” he said with concerned brows. “I just don’t want to be the one that hurts you anymore, Rey. I’ve hated myself for hurting you so many times.”</p><p> </p><p><em>Oh</em>. Well, now she understood a bit more where he was coming from.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, as far as I can remember, I’m the one who’s always dealt the physical injuries in this relationship…” she trailed off, remembering all of the hurt she’d left him with on multiple occasions.</p><p> </p><p>She’d stabbed him and slashed his face and collarbone open only to leave him to face his death on Starkiller. She’d shot at him after their first Force connection on Ahch-To. She also wrecked his TIE-Whisper on Pasaana and that crash really must have battered him despite appearing unshaken when he walked across the field to confront her.</p><p> </p><p>And then the worst of all… On the wreckage of the Death Star, she impaled him with his own blade. It was a mortal wound too…she knew that as certainly as he did. And all he did was sit there silently, accepting his fate with a bewildered and oh so lost expression. Her heart cried out and she knew that she couldn’t—wouldn’t—let him die.</p><p> </p><p>Rey regretted that action so much; she felt physically ill every time she thought about it. She honestly didn’t know what had overcome her. She wished that she could take it back—wished that she’d never grabbed for that hateful blade.</p><p> </p><p>And now she had the chance to apologize for it. For all of it.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben…” her voice was rough with unshed tears. “I am so sorry for everything that I’ve done to hurt you. Truly.” Her eyes sought his, masked slightly by a bewildered expression much like the one he’d worn on Kef Bir. “And I am especially, excruciatingly sorry for what I did to you on the Death Star. That day has haunted me. I regretted it as soon as I’d done it. I wish that I could take it back—”</p><p> </p><p>Ben silenced her with a kiss. It was soft and chaste but it sent burning warmth through her body and left her breathless. She stared up at him in wonder.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, hey…” he murmured softly, “I don’t blame you for any of that. In fact, I should honestly thank you for that last one. I think that was the tipping point for me…”</p><p> </p><p>With a confused look from Rey, Ben continued to clarify. “You could have killed me. Honestly, you should have. But instead, you immediately healed me. In spite of all the terrible things I’d done to you, you still showed me compassion. And then you spoke the most beautiful words that I’d ever heard before in my life. You told me you wanted to take <em>Ben’s</em> hand. And once that sunk in, that was it. I suddenly believed in a future I didn’t think possible.”</p><p> </p><p>His hands trailed down her cheek to her jaw and she shivered, still not comprehending the gratitude she felt spilling off of him in waves.</p><p> </p><p>“So really, I should be thanking you,” he finished with a shy smile.</p><p> </p><p>Rey gulped, dizzy from the feel of his hands on her face, “You’re welcome? But also, I’m still sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben chuckled again before going serious, “All is forgiven, Rey. I’ll always forgive you—for anything and everything.”</p><p> </p><p>His eyes went dark again and he worked his jaw for a moment.</p><p> </p><p>“But I need to apologize to you too,” his voice trailed off in a whisper, eyes forlorn again. “Maybe I didn’t physically harm you, but I’ve hurt you in so many other ways. And I just want you to know that I am sorry. I’m sorry I intruded your mind. I’m sorry that I said all of those horrible things to you on the <em>Supremacy.</em>”</p><p> </p><p>His bottom lip trembled as he searched her eyes, “I’m sorry I didn’t go with you. And I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you in the way that you needed me to be. That instead of doing the right thing, I just chased after you and terrorized you.”</p><p> </p><p>Then, Ben looked away, as though he couldn’t bear to see the truth in her eyes, his voice so soft she could barely hear him. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I will never hold it against you if you decide that you can’t find it within yourself to forgive me. But I have to ask…can you ever forgive me?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey didn’t need to think about it for more than a few seconds. Yes, he’d done awful things to her. She’d been angry about them for so long. She’d wanted to dish back all of the hurt and pain she suffered because of his actions. Some of the things would take time for her to truly forgive. But she knew eventually, all would be forgiven with him too. He was proving to her over and over again that he was a changed man and she couldn’t deny him the forgiveness he craved.</p><p> </p><p>So she found herself slowly nodding, “Yes, I can forgive you, Ben.”</p><p> </p><p>He dared to look into her eyes and she knew he saw honesty in them. “Rey…” he trailed off, looking like a man half crazed with hope and denial.</p><p> </p><p>She leant up and kissed him softly, this time laying lingering kisses on his cheeks and jaw. In that kiss she tried to convey the truthfulness of it all. She would be able to forgive him. She already was forgiving him. Some of it was deserved, some of it was not, but she was forgiving him all the same. </p><p> </p><p>Rey leant back and shifted her wounded shoulder toward him. “So are you going to fix me or not?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s expression cleared after a moment and he smiled weakly. “Sure thing sweetheart, whatever you want.”</p><p> </p><p>Her lips quirked up and then she ripped the leather armband off her right arm, clenching it in her teeth and nodded to Ben, who promptly reduced her shoulder back into its place.</p><p> </p><p>She groaned at the searing pain but it was short lived. As soon as her shoulder was in place again, she felt Ben’s large, warm hands over both shoulders and then felt the cooling sensation of healing settle into the injured tissue. Bruises darkened, yellowed and faded and torn muscle knitted together seamlessly. The deep, pulsing ache evaporated like water under the noonday sun and was replaced with warmth.</p><p> </p><p>Rey watched Ben’s face closely to make sure that he wasn’t straining too hard, honing in on any twitch, any movement that might signify he was weakening. Her heart thumped in anxiety as the moments dragged on.</p><p> </p><p>Eventually, he opened his eyes, breathing still even, and smiled at her as if to say, <em>See? I’m just fine</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks,” she breathed, though she was still scared for him. Rey examined his face for a moment longer, still scrutinizing every micro-expression. He simply stared levelly back at her, waiting for her to realize that he really was fine.</p><p> </p><p>When he gave no sign of exhaustion, she stood and found that she was almost flush against his chest. She had to look straight up at him. He was staring down at her with such a soft, loving expression that she started pushing herself up to meet his lips to capture them in a kiss. Her stomach had plans of its own and gave a horrific growl. Ben burst out laughing and took a step back.</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s face heated and she clutched at her stomach to stifle the offensive sounds. “Guess someone is hungry,” he grinned boyishly at her and her face’s warm temperature increased a few degrees. “Let me get you something to eat.”</p><p> </p><p>She smiled at him as he bustled around the tiny galley. For a moment, she could almost forget that he was willfully heading to almost certain death.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Okay so Rey's "plan" is supposed to be weak. She's deep in denial and is not thinking clearly, otherwise she would realize that Ben is toast. TBH, she's not thinking clearly at all during this chapter. She's freaking the freak out. She's all over the place. </p><p>As for the plan? Well, its not a great one, but it'll get a little bit stronger as we get further into the story. But it's still very much a long shot. Ben's done a lot of bad things and there really isn't a whole lot that can be done for him without some serious interventions.</p><p>Thanks for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. The Descent</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So. Let's have some perspective here, cause that's really important, right? Things...are not going to be good for a spell. But once you hit rock bottom the only way to go is up, right? Sooo think of this as rock bottom. </p><p>Things will get better. I promise. We are in the angsty part of the story now. They had their fluff and now they have to go through it. </p><p>I'm sorrrrry :(</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>CHAPTER SIXTEEN: The Descent</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Rey tried really,<em> really</em> hard to enjoy the rest of the flight to Coruscant with Ben.</p><p> </p><p>Honestly, truly she did. But she was quickly finding that promising something like that and actually committing just wasn’t the same thing.</p><p> </p><p>She thought that she could do it though.</p><p> </p><p>The problem was that it felt fake. Forced. When all she’d ever know with Ben was authenticity, the jarring difference was just too much for her to process. But she tried anyway.</p><p> </p><p>For Ben’s sake, she put on a bit of a show. A damned good one, if she had to say so. She was attentive when her mind was anywhere but there. It was light years away, thinking on the moment they were to touch down on Coruscant and what would follow after. She lavished him with affection while her mind screamed at her to back away and start throwing up her protective walls to save herself from the critical damage that would be dealt to her when he was taken away. And she filled each moment with chatter when all she wanted to do was hide somewhere dark and cry until her eyes ran dry.</p><p> </p><p><em>But</em>, as she continually tried to remind herself when it started getting too hard, <em>this was for Ben</em>. Ben needed her. He wanted her there with him at the end of things. For his sake, though it was killing her, she tried.</p><p> </p><p>And though the fight or flight aspect of her consciousness was trying to force distance between them, the part of her controlled by her heart told her that this was for her too. <em>She needed this too</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Still, it was so much easier said than done when every survival instinct she developed on Jakku was telling her to back away and close herself off for self-preservation’s sake.</p><p> </p><p>Things started off naturally enough. After Ben reduced and healed her shoulder, he pulled out some rations and put a meal together for them. He even found something sweet for them to share that Chewie had clearly hidden away for himself. It was sticky and gooey and Rey couldn’t imagine what a mess it would have made if the Wookiee had ever eaten it. He probably would have needed to go straight the ‘fresher.</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s hand rested on her thigh as they ate and her hand kept finding its way down to his, relishing in the warmth it radiated. They spoke a bit about small things. Trivial things.</p><p> </p><p>Rey was quickly finding how difficult it was to find things to talk about when your companion decided that they wanted to die. She hadn’t realized how much conversation was generated by the future. So it was difficult for her to keep the flow going, especially because the bright future she had begun imagining was off the table once more. She had to fight the urge to curl into herself at the thought.</p><p> </p><p>It felt like Rey was shoving broken glass into her heart with every mindless word exchanged.</p><p> </p><p>They also stayed off the topic of what happened the day before when Poe comm’d. Even though that was another discussion they definitely should have had by now. But they were both hesitant to broach it as it led to a discussion that would shatter the fragile normalcy they were both trying so hard to maintain. It was the topic that Rey most wanted to discuss and the one Ben least wanted to: what happens once Ben is recognized and arrested.</p><p> </p><p>Rey wanted to talk about it so badly, but she held her tongue and allowed the charade to play on. She needed to make every last moment last with him while she could before it got too hard.</p><p> </p><p>So they stuck to talking about easy things, like what Ben’s favorite dessert was (air cakes) and the first time Rey had ever eaten anything sweet (it had been on Takodana). They spoke about Ben’s earliest memories. What it had been like to have a wookiee as an uncle, what Chandrila was like aside from the pompous denizens of Hanna City. Ben asked Rey what it was like to scavenge in a ship’s graveyard. She told him of her hardships and triumphs and he listened intently, as if he were a sponge trying to soak up every last detail, his eyes sweeping over each of her features over and over again.</p><p> </p><p>Eventually though, the conversation started slowing down. The talking became more sporadic, as did the touching. It was getting too hard for Rey to pretend that Ben wasn’t purposefully flying to his doom.</p><p> </p><p>Neither of them slept the last night. How could they when their time was so limited?</p><p> </p><p>Rey could feel something breaking between them as the silences lengthened. She could feel the raw edges of a new pain emitting from Ben as she withdrew further and further into herself as their destination loomed closer.</p><p> </p><p>She wanted to reach out and sooth that new pain because she knew that it was her fault. She was withdrawing from him and it was hurting him. But she couldn’t reach out. It just hurt too much.</p><p> </p><p>He was hurting her too in a different manner.</p><p> </p><p>As the time went on, her anger and frustration increased. How could he do this to her? To them? They were bonded together; the actions of one impacted the other. Couldn’t he see that he was going to destroy both of them? Did he not care about what would happen to her if he died <em>again?</em> How could he be so selfish? Why couldn’t he see that he redeem himself through other means? Through means that would allow her to stay with him?</p><p> </p><p>Why? Why did he want to die?</p><p> </p><p>She knew that he wouldn’t give her the answers that she wanted from him, so she kept silent.</p><p> </p><p>So as they dropped out of hyperspace from the Corellian Run hyperlane, it was in silence. It had been that way for hours. In silence, Rey took control of the ship again and directed them toward Coruscant.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Rey was pulling away from him. Ben realized this not very long after their lunch. He shouldn’t have been surprised that it was happening. He had broken her heart after all. And he was beginning to regret it.</p><p> </p><p><em>No,</em> his mind all but shouted at him,<em> you </em>need<em> to do this. This is the only way to be rid of the guilt. This is the only way you can even attempt at making amends for the evil you’ve done. Do this and be free of the pain at last. </em></p><p>
  
</p><p>The thing was though; he wasn’t just doing this for himself. He was also doing this for<em> her. </em>He didn’t think he would have the strength to do it if it was just for himself…</p><p>
  
</p><p>How did his twisted mind fall on that conclusion? Well, his mind whispered, as if reminding him, <em>she deserves better</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Rey deserved a man clean of the blood of millions—billions if he counted the Hosnian Cataclysm. Which he did, of course. Even if he had been the lone person who fought against the use of the weapon in Snoke’s inner circle.</p><p> </p><p>Rey deserved a man who hadn’t fallen to the dark side. A man who hadn’t denied his family and their love for seven years. A man who hadn’t murdered his own father…</p><p> </p><p>She deserved a man who hadn’t been broken.</p><p> </p><p>So despite the horrid pain that her withdrawal wrought on his scarred heart, he let her. He let her back away from the touches and the talking. He let her lift her shields between their bond, even though he ached at the loss of her presence in his mind.</p><p> </p><p>Whatever it took for her to survive this was what he was willing to let her do. Even if it killed him.</p><p> </p><p>Though he was set on letting her do what she needed, Ben couldn’t help but steal glances at her, hoping that maybe she would meet his eyes. At they neared the end of their route on the Corellian Run, he felt her begin to actively avoid his attempts at contact.</p><p> </p><p>Her knuckles were bone white and her lips were bloodless. Her expression was hidden away by a mask of careful indifference, but her eyes betrayed her. He could see her pain. He could see her heartbreak and it served to ruin his heart even more. How could he do this to her?</p><p> </p><p>He did feel guilty. Seriously guilty. But he was doing the right thing. He had never been so sure of anything.</p><p> </p><p>He couldn’t let his presence mar the galaxy anymore. So he fought against every instinct to reach out and pull her onto his lap and hold her forever. Because if he did, he might not be able to let her go.</p><p> </p><p>It was destroying him. But it was better this way. For both of them.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Dread pitted in her stomach as she guided the <em>Millennium Falcon</em> toward the massive, glittering ecumenopolis that was Coruscant. It took her breath away. She had never seen anything like it. It was…amazing to behold. Bright lights in broad circles dominated the landscape.</p><p> </p><p>Earlier while they were still speaking, Ben told her more about Coruscant. He said that the planet was one continuous city. She’d imagined at least some sign of greenery and water sources breaking up massive swaths of city, but she couldn’t have been more wrong. The ecumenopolis was just that. Straight city with no sign of lakes, oceans or greenery anywhere. After living on a desert for fourteen years and then spending the past year on planets that were almost decidedly opposite from that, she’d expected most heavily populated planets like this to fall somewhere in the middle.</p><p> </p><p>It was certainly something to behold.</p><p> </p><p>She remained silent as they began to enter atmosphere, though she could feel the heavy weight of Ben’s eyes trained on her. They hadn’t spoken at all in the last few hours. Rey felt a twinge of guilt, as she knew it was mostly her fault for the silence.</p><p> </p><p>Again, her logical self—the side that prided itself on self-preservation and general survival pointed out—he was the one who should really be at fault. <em>He’s choosing to leave you. You need to protect yourself from the pain that his abandonment is going to cause</em>. She flinched at the sound of the word in her mind. Abandonment… he was abandoning her.</p><p> </p><p>The shards of glass that had dulled a bit seemed to dig more deeply into her bleeding heart, causing her to gasp. Ben was abandoning her. Just like her parents had. But somehow this seemed worse. He’s left her through death and somehow returned to her. She’d expected that they would be together for the rest of their lives. She’d spent several quiet afternoons daydreaming about their future together. But rather than embrace a life together, Ben was actively choosing to leave her, knowing that this would be permanent.</p><p> </p><p>It hurt more than she could bear. But she fought the tears away. She held herself together for just a little bit longer.</p><p> </p><p>She was scared. So scared that her foolhardy plan might fail—which in all likelihood was probable. She was scared that she might not see Ben again after they arrived on that platform. And she was scared to just let herself enjoy this time. Because she knew how much it was going to hurt when they took him from her. And it would hurt even more if she failed him.</p><p> </p><p>As the silence grew, the pit in her stomach developed into a gaping cavern of dread, making her body feel weak and shaky.</p><p> </p><p>They cruised through the atmosphere with no issue. The <em>Falcon</em> felt stable as it cut through the atmospheric tension. As soon as they entered the upper stratosphere, the comms started blinking and Rey flipped the switch. A methodical and stern voice crackled through the receiver.</p><p> </p><p>“Unidentified YT-1300f freighter. Please send transponder codes for identification and landing platform assignment.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey gulped, feeling sick to her stomach. Now that they’d been contacted, it was only a matter of moments before their journey ended. And only moments before Ben would be taken from her.</p><p> </p><p>Her hands shook at the thought but she answered as levelly as she could. “This is the <em>Millennium Falcon</em>, sending transponder code now.” She selected the code that Ben told her Han had designated for his more legal activities and transmitted it to the Coruscanti air traffic control.</p><p> </p><p>“Maintain current course as we confirm codes and assign a landing platform.”</p><p> </p><p>“Confirmed,” she answered, her leg bouncing with sick nerves.</p><p> </p><p>She finally chanced a glance at Ben, who stared out of the viewport with wide, discerning eyes. He gripped the lever until his knuckles looked like they were going to burst through the skin and his lips were pressed in a tight, white line. He looked grim and determined. She wished that he looked scared. Maybe she could have convinced him to abandon his plan and let her fly them somewhere safe.</p><p> </p><p>Rey bit at her lip and nearly drew blood. She hated this. She wanted to change course and fly away. She nearly had several times since they dropped out of hyperspace. But she never did. She couldn’t. She hated herself for being so weak.</p><p> </p><p>The comm’s receiver crackled to life again as Rey noticed four droids join them. “Okay, <em>Millennium Falcon</em>, proceed to landing platform Alpha 2184-5561, Federal District. Follow the landing escort droids to your assigned platform. Please confirm.” The voice paused as Rey began following the four escorts toward a particularly bright section of the giant city planet.</p><p> </p><p>“Landing Platform Alpha 2184-5561. Federal District. Confirmed and following as instructed.”</p><p> </p><p>“Copy that, <em>Millennium Falcon.</em> Coruscant Air Traffic Control over and out.” The transmission ended with a bit of static and Ben closed the comm connection silently.</p><p> </p><p>She could feel his eyes on her again and she willed herself not to meet them. It was so hard not to look. She knew that she was squandering their precious time, but she couldn’t bear the thought of what was going to happen next. And she was feeling more than a little angry with him for insisting on his suicide mission anyway.</p><p> </p><p>So Rey kept her eyes trained forward, guiding the ship carefully over the many skylanes full of air speeders, following the course the escort droids set expertly.</p><p> </p><p>She remained silent as she touched down on platform Alpha 2184-5561. Her eyes caught on several life forms awaiting their arrival. Her stomach nearly heaved.</p><p> </p><p>She remained silent as she and Ben powered down the <em>Falcon</em>. Their hands moved together in perfect harmony as they turned off the various devices and controls. Ben’s hands lightly grazed hers more than once, sending sparks crackling through her veins. Those charged contacts nearly broke her resolve but she remained firm.</p><p> </p><p>She remained silent as she forced herself to stand on shaking knees. Her arm braced against the captain’s chair for several breaths as she attempted to collect herself. At this, she was failing miserably. Tears already threatened to spill from her lashes and her heart ached fiercely. Again, she nearly broke when she heard Ben’s pained intake of breath at her refusal to look at him. But still, she remained firm and walked ahead, not looking back.</p><p> </p><p>Rey trembled as she moved down the corridor toward the boarding ramp; aware of every heavy step Ben took behind her. Her throat was so tight that it felt like it might close in on her.</p><p> </p><p>She felt so close to shattering but persisted onward, willing herself to keep it together for just a little while longer.</p><p> </p><p>Just before her hand hit the access panel, she felt herself freeze. By now, her chest was rising and falling violently, as if she had run some long distance. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t release the ramp.</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s breathing stilled as he waited for her to do it. The quiet of it all pierced through her deeply. This was not how it was supposed to be. This was not how their story was supposed to end. And it wouldn’t, if she had any say in the matter.</p><p> </p><p>The silenced pressed heavily on them now.</p><p> </p><p><em>The sooner you open that hatch, the sooner you can begin to get Ben out of this mess</em>. Rey lifted her hand toward the panel again but felt a heated pressure encase her wrist. She glanced down in surprise.</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s warm hand had encircled her right wrist and was pulling her roughly into his chest.</p><p> </p><p>Rey collided hard into him and felt the wind knock out of her. She froze at in such close proximity with him after withdrawing from his touch. Suddenly she couldn’t sustain the effort of drawing air in and she held still, scared to look up but too scared to pull away.</p><p> </p><p>Being in his arms soothed away the hurt she’d been inflicting on them almost immediately. It had only been twelve standard hours since she pulled completely away and it astounded her how much her body felt starved of him after such a short period of time. Slowly, air began working its way into her lungs in sharp, punctuated gasps. Her arms wrapped around his middle and she clung to his solid form.</p><p> </p><p>They stood like that for a few moments. Eventually, one of Ben’s arms loosened and Rey felt his fingers curl under her chin, forcing her to meet his gaze.</p><p> </p><p>She expected to see anger or something akin to it in those deep chocolate orbs for shutting him out but instead, there was an apology—for giving up on them, for putting her in this situation, for everything that had happened over the past few days that ended their time on Ahch-To.</p><p> </p><p>It would never make it better, of course. Especially if she failed. Rey just wasn’t sure if she could forgive him over this. But it was some small comfort at least to know that he was sorry.</p><p> </p><p>Ben stared down and then lifted her chin up to meet his lips ever so slowly. Rey swallowed though her mouth suddenly felt paper dry.</p><p> </p><p>He stopped and hesitated as though he were seeking permission before crushing his lips against hers in a furious clashing of tongue and teeth. Rey responded just as enthusiastically. Her hands shot up and grasped at his thick, dark hair and dragged her nails along his scalp, causing him to shudder in her arms. She gasped into his mouth when he pushed her back roughly into the wall behind her and that seemed to only drive his passions further.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Ben was too weak. He thought that he would be able to let Rey shut him out. But something broke in him when they touched down on the platform and it had to do with the fact that she was refusing to look at him.</p><p> </p><p>Once they finished shutting the <em>Falcon</em> down, Rey stood up at once, looking firm and impassive. But Ben wasn’t. He was shaking, feeling like he was about to retch. He barely had it in him to stand and follow after her.</p><p> </p><p>The whole walk from the cockpit to the boarding ramp was silent. Rey walked ahead of him and did not glance back once. He was silently begging her to do it. Just one look was all he needed from her to kiss her senseless. To take her in his arms and never let her go. To breathe in her sweet scent and lose himself in everything her.</p><p> </p><p>To say goodbye.</p><p> </p><p>But his fierce, determined love stayed steady and kept ahead of him. He wished he had her strength. Maybe they wouldn’t be in this situation if only he had a fraction of her iron will.</p><p> </p><p>When they reached the boarding ramp, Rey’s hand shot out toward the access panel, ready to lower the ramp and meet with the friends that waited for her below.</p><p> </p><p>He stopped breathing, his throat feeling like it was collapsing. Tears stung the corners of his eyes but he willed himself to stay strong. He was doing this for her too. For the millions of lives he’d destroyed and for her and her future. He had no right to cry. He had no right to mourn a relationship that he never deserved. He had no right to beg for a woman who deserved more than he could ever be.</p><p>           </p><p>But then her hand stopped only a few centimeters from the access panel for a moment, hesitant. Hope ignited in Ben’s chest but burnt out just as quickly when her fingers started forward again.</p><p> </p><p>Ben was too weak. His weakness overpowered him. He couldn’t let her do it. Without thinking, Ben’s hand shot out and grabbed her wrist before she could complete the motion and yanked her to him.</p><p> </p><p>And that was why he was so weak. He had been centimeters away from letting her go and he couldn’t. Instead, he held her in his arms trembling, unable and unwilling to let Rey move.</p><p> </p><p>Rey clung to him as tightly as Ben held to her. Aside from her arms wrapped around him, she stood stock still, her face pressed against his chest.</p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t enough for Ben. He needed to see her face. He needed to see her ever changing eyes. But most of all, he needed her to know how sorry he was.</p><p> </p><p>He released her and lifted her chin, willing her to look up at him.</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s wide hazel eyes were filled with pain and a deep resounding heartbreak tinged with determination and desperation. He felt his heart swell as he observed the fierce look in her eyes. She was going to fight for him. She shouldn’t—he knew it was going to make things harder for her when it failed, but in the moment he couldn’t help but admire the strength of Rey’s spirit.</p><p> </p><p>Here she was, hurting by his betrayal—by his decision to forfeit his life and she still wanted to fight for him even though they both knew his fate was sealed.</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s eyes went down to Rey’s full, pink lips and craved the feel of them beneath his.</p><p> </p><p>This could be their last kiss.</p><p> </p><p>He determined to make it a perfect one.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Rey was completely lost in their kiss. She wanted so much more. She needed so much more. Needed <em>him</em>. Ben had her pressed against the curving wall as he devoured her mouth. This kiss was filled with so much fire that she felt like she would burn away. Her body felt like it was aflame, burning away flesh and charring bone as Ben ravaged her with his perfect lips.</p><p> </p><p>It felt like he was pouring everything that he had into her and their kiss. His tongue lightly traced her lips and she obliged, taking him in. She gasped as his teeth grazed her lips, causing her lower belly to tighten. They had shared a number of amazing kisses, but this one was the first where she felt completely overwhelmed by his desire for her. It excited her—lit her own burning need for him. She returned everything she got from him, eliciting deep-throated groans from within him.</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s body heated as the kiss deepened and lengthened. She lost herself in his lips, forgetting everything else. Nothing else mattered.</p><p> </p><p>Except…Except for the fact that Ben was going to be taken from her the moment he stepped foot onto that platform. Except for the fact that he was willfully abandoning her to redeem himself in the only way he thought was worth enough to those he hurt.</p><p> </p><p>She froze and pulled back, sobering to their grim reality. Ben tried to follow her so they could continue on but quickly caught on. Heavy hands dropped from her shoulders and neck and rested loosely on her lower back. His eyes were clouded, but cleared as he caught Rey’s expression.</p><p> </p><p>There was something she had to tell Ben before they left the ship. Something that she was certain of the first night that they were reunited. Something that had only grown stronger and deeper over the past weeks.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben, I need to tell you something before we—” she cut off, unable to complete the sentence. Instead, she gulped and attempted to gather courage. Her hands clamped on his forearms and she held his dark eyes, determined to get it out.</p><p> </p><p>“I think a part of me always has felt it. But I didn’t dare acknowledge it until Exegol. And I didn’t accept it until we found each other again… But I know as surely as I know anything in the galaxy that I am in—”</p><p> </p><p>Her confession died on her lips as Ben’s fingers gently stopped her from saying anymore. Her brows drew together and tears prickled in the corners of her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Please,” Ben begged her with a broken whisper, “don’t say it.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey ripped her head back, confusion giving way to frustration. Why couldn’t he just let her say it?</p><p> </p><p>“You need to hear it. I need to tell you before it’s—” she bit back the sob tearing up her throat, “before it’s too late.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben shook his head and backed off, his hand going through his hair while the other opened and clenched repeatedly. “No, Rey.” He looked like he was choking back his own tears. “It will only make things worse for us. For you. We can’t say those things to each other.”</p><p> </p><p>She didn’t care that thick, hot tears clouded her vision before spilling over her lashes or that her voice cracked when she asked, “Why?” She wanted to know how telling Ben that she loved him could possibly make anything worse.</p><p> </p><p>His eyes sparkled with tears, but he was more successful in keeping them back. “If you say those words it’s going to hurt you all the more when I’m gone.”</p><p> </p><p>An angry, dark laugh broke free, echoing harshly in the small corridor. She shook her head, not believing what she was hearing. “Are you serious, Ben? You really think that me telling you how I feel is going to make things worse?”</p><p> </p><p>She took a step sideways to create space as her fingers tore at her loose hair as her voice rose. “How? How could my <em>confession</em> make anything worse when you decided that you wanted to die? When you actually want to take your own life rather than face what you did? When you could have me by your side to help you through it?”</p><p> </p><p>And then, she knew. She knew exactly why Ben refused to listen to what she had to say and it made her sick.</p><p> </p><p>Rey was whispering now, “I know you hear my thoughts. You already know how I feel… so don’t you dare tell me that this is for my benefit. Because it isn’t. You’re the one who doesn’t want to hear it. You’re scared. You’re just a coward, Ben.”</p><p> </p><p>He looked away from her, his expression closing off.</p><p> </p><p>Rey scowled. She was right. He didn’t want to hear it for selfish reasons.</p><p> </p><p>Without a word, Ben walked the remaining steps to the access panel and pressed the button. He stepped back to avoid being in view when the ramp lowered and then met her eyes once more. He schooled his expressions into a blank mask. “It’s time, Rey.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt her heart splitting as he pulled back from their bond and secured his own walls.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben?” she reached for him but he shook his head and withdrew. Her face collapsed as another sob escaped.</p><p> </p><p>She pulled her hand back to her chest and bit her lip, regarding him, willing him to open up to her again. To see the warmth and love in those amber eyes directed at her.</p><p> </p><p>When he didn’t, she knew that she’d lost him.</p><p>           </p><p>Rey calmed her breathing, anger giving way to the return of previous dread, and wiped furiously at her eyes, trying to scrub the tears away.</p><p> </p><p>She didn’t spare him a glance as she strode to the ramp’s entrance even though it was killing her. If she looked back, she wouldn’t be able to leave at all.</p><p> </p><p>She tried to center herself in the Force and then began her descent to the platform where Finn and Poe awaited her.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.</p><p>*Cries* </p><p>This is not my favorite part of the story. (If you've read my notes, this is the one that took me foooooorever to write and I still hate it, thanks)</p><p>Ben is an idiot. And Rey is an idiot. But mostly, Ben is an idiot.</p><p>Thanks for reading, k bye :(</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Confrontations</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Getting closer to finalizing my chapter count! I'm about 13 pages into chapter 25 and will wrap that up soon. After that, I have about 4-6 chapters to write from there. So I'm tentatively going to set the chapter count to 30 in the next few updates.</p><p>Anyway, thank you for your responses! I know things are angsty right now but hopefully I can sprinkle in enough sweetness too. Again, I'm trying to keep things as realistic to what I believe would happen to Ben were he to come back from the dead. </p><p>Your comments keep me going! Thank you so much :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>CHAPTER SEVENTEEN: Confrontations</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Rey moved slowly, reluctantly and somewhat sluggishly down the ramp, as though she were in a trance, dreading the moment where she heard Ben’s heavy feet follow her to the platform to be seen by her friends. But she couldn’t hear him move further than where she left him. She couldn’t sense even the slightest twitch of muscle.</p><p> </p><p>It shouldn’t have caused her relief, to know that he wasn’t following her down immediately because she knew that he would come out eventually. But it did. She had a few more precious moments of knowing he was safely hidden away.</p><p> </p><p>Finn and Poe Dameron stood waiting for her with a few Resistance soldiers that she recognized, only a few meters or so away from the edge of the ramp. They were both beaming at her, eyes bright and teeth gleaming white. Rey tried to respond in kind, but she couldn’t muster it, so she gave them a small smile instead, hoping it would be enough.</p><p> </p><p>They weren’t alone. She had noticed the others through the Falcon’s cockpit viewport, but didn’t pay them much attention. Her mind was in other places… Now, however, she took in the larger group sharply.</p><p> </p><p>There were about ten of them total. Six of them looked to be security detail of some sort with holstered blasters and blast shield helmets. The other four were finely dressed with one more finely clothed than the others. She stood in the center, watching Rey with marked interest.</p><p> </p><p>Rey eyed her suspiciously, wondering who she was and why she was there when there was a bustle of movement before her that stole her attention away.</p><p> </p><p>Finn had obviously grown impatient and was running up to her shouting “Rey!” in his typical boyish excitement. He opened his arms in preparation of scooping her into one of his famed hugs with Poe following closely behind.</p><p> </p><p>In spite of all of the bantha shit she’d put them through over the past six weeks they still looked so kriffing happy to see her. She couldn’t believe it.</p><p> </p><p>Rey choked on a sob and rushed the last meter to meet her closest friends. Finn reached her first and crushed her into his chest while Poe wrapped his arms around her from behind. They stood like that for a moment, Rey crying and laughing, Poe and Finn gruffly chuckling to hide their tears.</p><p> </p><p>Their embraces felt so much different from Ben’s. The comfort was there, yes, but the feel of it—the intentions behind it were as different as black and white. She tried not to look cautiously at the ramp and failed. He lingered just beyond viewing and she had to wonder why. But the longer he delayed his appearance, the better. So Rey turned back to her friends and their questions.</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t believe you’re actually here!” Finn cried, his hands resting on her shoulders. “Where have you been? Why were you gone for so long?”</p><p> </p><p>“I, um. I’ll explain it all, but not right here. Not right now.” She fidgeted in their collective embrace and was released. “I’ve missed you both.”</p><p> </p><p>“We’ve missed you too, Rey. We’re really glad you’re back,” Poe smiled, his hand lingering on her elbow.</p><p> </p><p>Poe had a strange look in his eye, as if he was going to say something more when a delicate <em>ahem</em> sounded out behind the trio and Rey craned her neck to peek between the two men before her.</p><p> </p><p>The second group was approaching with the immaculately dressed woman at the forefront.</p><p> </p><p>The jovial reunion seemed to end as Poe’s face went grim. He turned. Finn’s smile faded once he realized what was going on. He dropped his hands and stepped protectively to Rey’s side, back to the <em>Falcon</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“What?” Rey started, “is going on?”</p><p> </p><p>Finn silently shook his head and Poe schooled his face into a friendly yet diplomatic look.</p><p> </p><p>“Finn…” she hissed. He just nudged her and inclined his head forward. Rey scowled but looked ahead to great the approaching woman and her entourage. That was the best word she could come up with. Guards and sycophants alike seemed to worship the ground she walked, faces open in awe.</p><p> </p><p>There was something about her that made Rey immediately distrustful. She couldn’t pin point what it was, exactly.</p><p> </p><p>The woman was stunning. Rey had never seen someone as beautiful as her. She was taller than average though slightly shorter than Rey herself, statuesque yet delicately curved. The curve of her proud shoulders were set in a way that made it very clear that she was born and bred nobility. Her dark almond shaped eyes glittered in the fading light of the Coruscant day and her golden skin gleamed. She wore a sleek, fitted silver gown of some unknown material. Rey didn’t know much about fabric so she couldn’t name it, but it looked awfully expensive. Her black hair was sleek and slicked smoothly backwards, falling in a heavy, dark curtain in the middle of her back.</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt on edge thinking of how her plain, if somewhat worn tunic looked, hanging a little loosely on her frame and how her lank, undone hair looked to the approaching group. She wasn’t a vain person by nature, but being next to this goddess made her feel all sorts of frumpy. She was glad Ben was still hidden away so that he wouldn’t stare at the woman as everyone else was currently.</p><p> </p><p>The surge of jealously she felt must have pushed through her walls to him as she could feel Ben’s presence perk up. She ignored the nudge he sent back, hoping to delay his appearance for as long as possible. Perhaps she could get him to wait until this woman and her glittering entourage was gone.</p><p> </p><p>Rey squared her shoulders and lifted her chin in challenge. She boldly stepped between her companions to meet the sharp woman.</p><p> </p><p>“Who are you?” Rey demanded when the group was close enough. She could feel Poe and Finn tense up and internally grimaced. What has she gone and kriffed up this time?</p><p> </p><p>The dark haired women raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow and then a lilting laugh tinkled out from her red painted lips.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, General Dameron, have you not informed your Jedi of who I am?” Her voice was higher than she expected, almost girlishly youthful though she was easily a decade older than Rey. The higher pitch didn’t do anything to diminish the carefully refined accent or haughty tone imbued in each word.</p><p> </p><p>Rey bristled at the title but continued to watch warily.</p><p> </p><p>“We were just getting to that, Madame Senator,” Poe smiled guardedly and took the senator’s proffered hand and carefully guiding her over to meet Rey.</p><p> </p><p>The senator’s guards stiffened at her proximity to an armed Jedi but the woman waved them off with a disinterested wave of her hand. Her dark eyes watched Rey keenly, sizing her up, she imagined.</p><p> </p><p>The senator looked away after a moment and flashed a cool smile at Poe again, simpering. “General,” she began, “I believe introductions are in order?”</p><p> </p><p>Poe’s carefully school mask stayed in place and he smiled back at her winsomely. “Of course, Madame Senator.”</p><p> </p><p>He moved to introduce Rey to this strikingly arrogant woman. “Madame Senator, it is my honor to introduce you to the <em>Last Jedi</em>, Rey Skywalker.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt a strong sense of surprise and confusion rolling off of Ben at the sound of her new name. <em>Kriff</em>, she internally cursed. She never told him about that. That was going to be an interesting conversation…</p><p> </p><p>“And Rey, I would like to introduce you to the newly elected First Senator of the New Republic, Carise Sindian.”</p><p> </p><p>For a moment, Rey thought she saw a flash of distaste on the First Senator’s face, but it quickly disappeared as she aimed her cool smile at Rey and offered a dainty hand. Rey took it hesitantly. So this was the Centrist First Senator that was mucking things up for Poe and the others. She seemed…formidable to say the least.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey Skywalker,” she lilted, eyes glittering sharply. Her hand was soft. Too soft. Rey wanted her hand back now to rid herself of its unnaturally soft feel. No hand should feel like that. It was missing the firm foundation of calluses that made a hand feel, well, like a hand.</p><p> </p><p>“It is such a pleasure to meet the famed hero of the New Republic at last. I was wondering if you would ever grace us with your presence.”</p><p> </p><p>Trying to be subtle, she pushed out in the Force and tried to get a read on Sindian. She was met with a frustratingly strong wall for a non-sensitive. She failed to get a read and that put her on edge even more.</p><p> </p><p>Sindian’s smile grew as she took account of Rey’s probe.</p><p> </p><p><em>Kriff. </em>She noticed, didn’t she?</p><p> </p><p>Rey tried to force the grimace she knew was on her face into a cool smile of her own. She was finding very quickly that she did not like Carise Sindian. She needed to assert herself to this <em>First Senator</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“The pleasure is all mine, First Senator Sindian.” She tried not to shift uncomfortably and instead watched carefully for any sign on emotion other than the diplomat’s smile, which widened as she advanced a step closer.</p><p> </p><p>“Would you care to share with us where you’ve been these past weeks? I’m sure it was so very interesting if it kept you away for so long.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey ground her teeth together. There was something off putting about this Carise Sindian. Her smile was friendly but it was dissonant with her eyes, which emanated calculating intelligence without the warmth one expected to see. The woman was nosy too.</p><p> </p><p>She was <em>not </em>about to tell that woman where she’d been. Not even remotely likely. “Oh, here and there,” she replied lightly, “Jedi business, you know. It would probably bore one such as yourself.” She made her lips quirk into what she hoped was a friendly smile.</p><p> </p><p>The senator’s own smile sharpened, “Oh, I find that highly unlikely.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey just bowed her head slightly in reply, wanting to be done with this woman. She didn’t know how much longer Ben would be willing to wait out of sight.</p><p> </p><p>But Carise Sindian did not seem inclined to end their conversation just yet. “Well, Ms. Skywalker, you’ll have to tell me about your adventures another time then. As the titled <em>Last Jedi</em>, I am sure that we will see more of each other during your time on Coruscant. I hope to become fast friends with you.” She paused to take a small breath. It seemed as though she was trying to get Rey to hang off of her words. But it only served to deepen Rey’s dislike.</p><p> </p><p>Sindian continued without noticing Rey’s reactions. “Perhaps you can oblige me with your time some time soon.”</p><p> </p><p><em>Yeah right,</em> Rey thought sarcastically but did not have a chance to reply aloud because between heartbeats, she noticed Finn stiffen and place a hand on his holster from the corner of her eye. He drew everyone’s attention as he turned away toward the <em>Millennium Falcon</em>.</p><p> </p><p>It was amazing how quickly sound vanished into a rushing roar of racing blood in that moment. Rey, filled to the brim with dread, turned with him. The moment seemed to drag on as a glacier moves from mountainside to sea cliff before her eyes went wide as saucers, realizing with a pang to her chest what was going on.</p><p> </p><p>Finn told her a while back that he was Force-sensitive. It was what he tried telling her as they were sinking into the Shifting Mires of Pasaana.</p><p> </p><p>Dread pitted her stomach, weighing it down to the soles of her feet.</p><p> </p><p>Kriff, kriff, kriff, <em>Kriff!</em></p><p> </p><p>He was sensing another presence now. He could feel Ben. Would he be able to identify him? He was new to his abilities. And she had not really trained him. But if he was strong enough in the Force to detect another life form with essentially no training? Well… she could only hope.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey, something is wrong.” He looked at her with uncertainty. It illuminated his eyes and highlighted a slight shading of fear as well. He was afraid.</p><p> </p><p>“I think I feel someone else here,” Finn called out to Poe, when Rey couldn’t find her voice to respond.</p><p> </p><p>Finn was swiftly making his way over to the ramp with the rapid, clipped strides of a soldier trained from birth.</p><p> </p><p>“It feels like—” he gasped. Finn ripped the blaster on his hip out before swiftly leveling it at the hatch and growled fiercely, black eyes ablaze.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Ren!</em>”</p><p> </p><p>No. <em>No!</em> This was not how it was supposed to be. Her legs felt like jelly as she completed her turn away from the First Senator. She clearly slighted the other woman as she overheard the gasps of outrage her sycophants traded with one another. But she didn’t care.</p><p> </p><p>Not when Ben was about to be discovered in the worst possible way imaginable. She had to do something.</p><p> </p><p>Rey was already racing back to the boarding ramp, trying to get in between Finn and the hatch, explanation on her lips when she felt Ben’s presence move ahead of her.</p><p> </p><p>The words died before she could voice them. Towering at nearly two meters stood Ben Solo in the gaping opening of the hatch, eyes dark and indifferent to the threat before him. He looked every bit as dangerous as he’d been under the mask of Kylo Ren.</p><p> </p><p>Fifteen people gasped and immediately ten unlocked blasters were trained on Ben Solo’s imposing figure.</p><p> </p><p>“No! Stop!” Rey shouted as she pushed past Finn and shielded Ben from the threat, arms splayed wide.</p><p> </p><p>Apparently the last Jedi standing guard before the former Supreme Leader was shocking enough that several of the armed beings before her lowered their weapons, mouths gaping wide. Sindian was rushed behind her force of securty and Poe’s face went hard, blaster still raised as he moved to approach the war zone on the boarding ramp.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey…” Ben murmured, trying to nudge her behind him. <em>Stop. You’re going to get yourself hurt, </em>he said across their bond.</p><p> </p><p><em>They’re about to shoot you, in case you hadn’t noticed, you dunderhead</em>, Rey snarled back, refusing to let him move her.</p><p> </p><p>Ben huffed in a soft sound that almost sounded like a laugh at her insult, though his face stayed impassive.</p><p> </p><p>“Get out of the way, Rey.” Finn commanded with deadly calm as Poe joined him. His eyes were positively murderous as they flicked between Rey and Ben, trying to work out why she would possibly stand between them in this manner. Protecting who he believed to be the enemy.</p><p> </p><p>“No.” came her firm reply. She would not move. She would not give them a chance to hurt Ben.</p><p> </p><p>The calm mask covering Finn’s face slipped and displayed outraged betrayal. Poe didn’t bother trying to hide his expression either.</p><p> </p><p>“What do you mean, ‘no’, Rey?” Poe Dameron ground out, blaster trained over Ben’s heart. “What the hell is this? What the hell is going on here?”</p><p> </p><p>“I won’t let you hurt him. He’s come unarmed with no intention to harm.” She spoke calmly while she stood her ground, “Lower your weapons.”</p><p> </p><p>At this, Finn cracked, emitting a dark, cutting laugh. “I’m sorry, what did you just say? Did you actually just tell us that <em>Kylo Ren</em>, the man who hunted you and tried to wipe us out for a year means us no harm? And are you actually protecting the monster?”</p><p> </p><p>The bitter laugh sliced into her soul deeply, wounding her. She imagined the blood dripping down her skin in dark rivulets as she listened to him tear deeper. His anger shouldn’t have surprised her. She expected anger. What she didn’t expect was for it to hurt so badly.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you <em>that</em> kriffing stupid, Rey? Tell me you aren’t that stupid.” Finn was livid. He held the blaster steady though the rest of him appeared to be shaking. “I say we shoot him now,” he murmured to Poe.</p><p> </p><p>Darkness inside hissed at the threat.</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s hand was on her lightsaber hilt instantly and suddenly all but two blasters were trained on her. “I said. Lower. Your. Weapons.”</p><p> </p><p>If possible, the looks of betrayal on Finn and Poe’s faces deepened and she had the sense that they were seeing a stranger before them and not the woman they knew.</p><p> </p><p>Well, let them see who she really was, she thought grimly. She would die before she let them hurt Ben.</p><p> </p><p><em>No you will </em>not<em>, </em>Ben sent fiercely into her head. <em>Stand down, Rey. You’re making this worse for yourself.</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>She jolted at the feel of Ben’s large hand pushing her lightsaber hand down gently as he stepped before her. Had she imagined it or had he just softly squeezed her wrist in an attempt to comfort?</p><p> </p><p>How could he be thinking about making things worse for her in this situation? He should be concerned for himself. He was the one who had ten blasters pointed at him, waiting for him to make a singular mistake that would allow them to loose their bolts.</p><p> </p><p>He raised his hands in surrender and Finn stalked forward, pressing the barrel of his blaster hard against Ben’s chest. Ben froze, apparently not expecting the former Stormtrooper to be so bold.</p><p> </p><p>“Give me one reason I shouldn’t kill you right where you stand, Ren,” Finn seethed.</p><p> </p><p>Rey gasped, fearing for Ben’s life now more than ever. There was no way a Force-user even as talented as he could stop a bolt from killing him at point blank.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve come here to deliver myself to the New Republic to answer for my crimes as Supreme Leader Kylo Ren.” His voice was steady, resigned and so certain. Rey’s heart clenched.</p><p> </p><p>Instead of giving pause as his words should have, they seemed to only incite Finn further.</p><p> </p><p>“Liar!” he shouted. “You’ve got Rey brainwashed and you’re here to wipe us out. Just tell me when, Poe. As soon as you say the word, I will end this son of a bitch.”</p><p> </p><p>He twisted the barrel into Ben’s chest and Rey started to feel the ache of a bruise matching the point on Ben’s chest where the muzzle was buried. That was new, she numbly thought.</p><p> </p><p>The numbness was quickly spreading. She didn’t know what to do. Her best friend was about to kill the love of her life and she didn’t know how to stop it. Blood pounded loudly in her ears. <em>Think, Rey, think</em>.</p><p> </p><p>All she could do was stare in horror as Ben’s life was in immediate danger. She was already failing him. Already failing…</p><p> </p><p>Rey blinked as she watched Poe cautiously move forward. He was calculating something, trying to decide whether or not to believe Ben—trying to decide if he should just shoot him now, Rey didn’t know. But she recognized that Poe might be her only hope. Finn could not be reasoned with right now. She could only hope that he wouldn’t take matters into his own hands before Poe gave the go ahead.</p><p> </p><p>“Poe, <em>please</em>,” she begged. “Listen to me. He isn’t here to hurt anyone. He’s telling the truth. Please, just lower your weapons.”</p><p> </p><p>Poe’s brown eyes shot up to meet hers, expressing his distrust. “Full offense to your <em>friend</em> intended, Rey, but I don’t think we’re gonna do that. We have absolutely no reason to lower our weapons right now. Especially with the First Senator here. Who by the way, you’ve absolutely endangered with this stunt. And I’m not sure she’s really the forgiving type.”</p><p> </p><p>“First Senator Sindian,” Poe called over his shoulder whilst keeping his blaster trained carefully on Ben’s head. “As acting general of the New Republic, I recommend that you evacuate the vicinity immediately for your safety.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s attention was briefly drawn to the sharp woman standing shielded by her six bodyguards. Wasn’t six a little excessive, Rey wondered acidly? She seemed frighteningly unperturbed by the current exchange though the detail surrounding her was very grim.</p><p> </p><p>“I appreciate your concern, General, but I won’t be leaving just yet.” Then she strode forward purposefully and marched over to them, her security detail flanking her protectively. “I want to see the fallen Supreme Leader myself before he is arrested.” Her expression was icy as she neared them. She stopped a distance away, regarding the situation with calculated interest.</p><p> </p><p>At the mention of arrest, Rey’s attention shot back to Poe. “Poe,” she pleaded, “It doesn’t have to go this way. Please. Ben came here willingly and is unarmed. Can’t we talk about this in a civilized manner?”</p><p> </p><p>Finn hissed in the background and Rey felt a surge of fear. Maybe she should have tried to reason with the one who actually had a gun to Ben’s chest instead of the one she deemed more reasonable.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh it’s <em>Ben</em> now, is it?” Poe, who had remained surprisingly calm, now wore a disgusted, wild-eyed expression that transformed his face into something brutal. “How’d ya get so close with <em>Ben</em>, Rey? Is that where you’ve been all this time?” He stepped forward suddenly, eyes black.</p><p> </p><p>Rey was trembling now. With Finn holding Ben at blaster-point and Poe rapidly approaching, she didn’t know how they were going to survive this.</p><p> </p><p>“Answer me, Rey!” Poe turned his gun on her, staring at her as if the act of doing so was breaking him. It broke her that he would even consider aiming a weapon at her.</p><p> </p><p>She felt Ben’s rage at the change in aim. He was about to pounce, straining against Finn’s blaster barrel now that Rey was being threatened and Poe noticed. He sneered at Ben and Rey choked back a sob.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Ben, don’t. They’ll kill you.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Poe, please. Don’t hurt him.”</p><p> </p><p>They all stood like that for a moment. Poe aiming his blaster at Rey, Ben ready to risk a bolt to the heart to save her, Finn all too happy to deliver that bolt.</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt pathetic. So much for being strong. So much for being in control of the situation.</p><p> </p><p>Tears sparkled unshed in Poe’s eyes as he ripped the blaster away with a gasp. “<em>Why</em>, Rey? Why would you betray us like this?”</p><p> </p><p>“I haven’t. You have to listen to me. Please!” Her own tears fell freely from her eyes now, blurring her vision.</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t, Rey.” was all Poe replied. He turned away from her to the two soldiers that still flanked him. “Bind him.”</p><p> </p><p>With Finn still pressing his blaster into Ben’s chest, the soldiers approached and cuffed Ben with wickedly thick looking binders. Ben didn’t fight back in the slightest. Rey tried to meet his eyes, but he stared ahead blankly, face white. When she reached out to feel for him through their bond, she was met with walls stronger than durasteel.</p><p> </p><p>She recoiled.</p><p> </p><p>The two men guided Ben to stand before Poe whose face was dark with hatred.</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt like her world was collapsing from underneath her, each second rammed into her memory with a painfully loud click. It took her a moment to register that the sharp clicks were coming from the First Senator’s shoes as she approached them. Only approaching now that their <em>enemy</em> was now apprehended.</p><p> </p><p>She almost scoffed. Did they truly not realize that Ben could easily escape if he wanted to?</p><p> </p><p>She jumped when she felt a firm hand circle her upper arm and found Finn grimly escorting her down to the growing group. He was shaking and breathing heavily. He also refused to look at her.</p><p> </p><p>Her hands nearly shot out to grab for Ben as she neared, but Finn marched her to a position next to Poe. Clearly sending a message that she was one of them. But to whom, Ben or the First Senator, Rey couldn’t be sure.</p><p> </p><p>Carise Sindian’s eyes appraised Ben thoroughly. They still glittered sharply, as though they were very pleased with what happened. Rey’s distrust of the woman amplified.</p><p> </p><p>“Former Supreme Leader Kylo Ren,” she greeted as though she was well acquainted with him. “I must say, of all people I expected to see on this platform today, <em>you</em> were perhaps one of the very last to come to mind.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben remained silent, staring down blankly as though he hadn’t heard her. For all Rey knew, he hadn’t. He looked so distant, like his mind was light years away.</p><p> </p><p>One of the soldiers guarding him rammed a rifle blaster into his gut and he doubled over, coughing. Rey cried out but Finn held her firmly to his side.</p><p> </p><p>“The First Senator is addressing you, Ren,” Poe called out coldly.</p><p> </p><p>Once Ben caught his breath and was standing again, he finally looked up. First his gaze slid over Rey and almost as quickly, he looked away to stare back at Carise Sindian.</p><p> </p><p>“First Senator Sindian, is it? As in <em>Former </em>Lady Carise Sindian? I thought my mother had assassinated your career as surely as you did hers? Didn’t she have your seat and your titles taken away? How did you crawl away from <em>that</em>?”</p><p> </p><p>Rather than outwardly taking offense to what Ben said, Sindian simply simpered at him and drifted closer. “Oh Supreme Leader, I hardly think you are in a position to trade barbs with me.”</p><p> </p><p>In the most Solo like way imaginable, Ben snorted rather than forming a dignified response and looked away. But Sindian was not through with him yet.</p><p> </p><p>“I find it of the utmost fascination that you’ve submitted yourself to our mercy. Surely you know how this ends?” The set of her shoulders gave Rey the impression of a triumphant nexu stalking its wounded prey. Toying with it, waiting to go in for the kill.</p><p> </p><p>Ben dipped his head in grim acceptance, “Yes. I know how this ends.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s legs chose this moment to give out and she sagged as a broken moan escaped her throat. The First Senator’s observant gaze did not miss the motion or its implications.</p><p> </p><p>“And your companion…” she trailed off, shrewd eyes going from Ben to Rey and back again, “It is quite clear to me that she is not thrilled with your…submission.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s face tightened and his lips pressed into a white line. He didn’t reply. Rey didn’t know if she wanted him to. She was already uncertain what her lapse would mean to Sindian. Or how she could use it against Ben.</p><p> </p><p>The First Senator seemed to realize she wouldn’t get anything more from Ben. “How very interesting…” She motioned her guards and a few of them met her side immediately. “Assist these soldiers in establishing our formidable new prisoner in one of the holding cells designed for Force-sensitives in the Courts of Justice. Make sure he is…attended to.”</p><p> </p><p>There was a whirl of motion and Ben was beaten down swiftly and harshly before being whisked away from Rey before she knew what was happening. Were they trying to <em>weaken him?</em></p><p> </p><p>“No! Ben!” Rey fought violently against Finn, jerking and bucking and finally tore away from his fierce grasp. She sprinted, determined to stop them from taking him away from her when Ben delivered one final look that was equal parts severity and remorse.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Stop, Rey. You’re going to make it worse for yourself. Please. Let me go.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Without lingering, he turned away and allowed the men to shove him gracelessly into a large, boxy transport. And just like that, he was taken from her.</p><p> </p><p>Rey slowed, aghast. Then she collapsed. She stared at the durasteel platform. That awful ringing was echoing through her ears again, making it impossible for her to hear anything—it left her feeling completely off balance.</p><p> </p><p>Dark hands pulled her up and she blankly registered Finn again as he guided her back to First Senator Carise Sindian.</p><p> </p><p>“You didn’t have to do that,” she whispered weakly though she knew each of them could hear her. “He came freely. He was weaponless. He could have destroyed you all if he wanted. But he came peacefully. <em>You didn’t have to do that</em>”</p><p> </p><p>Sindian regarded her with no expression. She was certain Sindian didn’t know what to make of her now. <em>Good</em>, Rey thought with grim satisfaction.</p><p> </p><p>Rey also realized that she was likely going to be imprisoned for bringing Ben to Coruscant based on how everything played out. She took little comfort in the fact that she and Ben would at least be in the same place. But there wasn’t much she could do to help him from behind bars. She silently cursed herself for letting things get so out of hand. How was she going to save him now?</p><p> </p><p>To her surprise, Poe spoke up for her. “Madame Senator, Rey is one of us. She doesn’t deserve to be locked up. I’m sure she had only good intentions. She didn’t know you were going to be here to meet her. She couldn’t have known.”</p><p> </p><p>Sindian turned her black eyes on him. “Of course I know that, General Dameron,” she smiled but there was no warmth to it. “But she did bring the New Republic’s most wanted criminal to the capitol, so I’m sure you’ll understand that I want her thoroughly interrogated before allowing her any mote of freedom.”</p><p> </p><p>She turned to her remaining guards. “Dormin, Fey, please escort Ms. Skywalker to one of the lower level conference rooms in the Senate Rotunda. Send for Maevus and Lorso. I’ll be along later.”</p><p> </p><p>“With all due respect, Madame Senator, I’m not going to let Rey go with your security guards without some of my own. General Finn and I will be joining.”</p><p> </p><p>Carise Sindian’s eyes flashed but then she dipped her head in acquiescence. “Very well General. But if you would, please relieve Ms. Skywalker of her weapon. She doesn’t need it here.”</p><p> </p><p>With that, First Senator Carise Sindian clicked away with her remaining guards and attendants to an elegant transport while Rey was stripped of her weapon and moved into another then sped away from platform Alpha 2184-5561 and the <em>Millennium Falcon</em></p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Alright. </p><p>So we've finally met Carise Sindian. And to those of you who have read Bloodlines, I'm so sorry if I ruined her character. I haven't read it. Everything I know about her I've learned from Wookipedia. So by all means, if anyone wants to help me characterize her properly, I'd love the feedback. From what I've gleaned, she seems pretty viper-like? And conniving too, so that's what I'm working with. Oh and with her breeding, she's gotta have that classic aristocratic snobbishness, right? </p><p>SPOILERS FOR BLOODLINES (and headcanon stuff)</p><p>Anyway, so I know that Carise was politically wrecked by Leia at the end of the story in retaliation. But my headcanon is that since she was a First Order spy, she DEFINITELY was not on Hosnian Prime during the Cataclysm and thus survived. And through shady manipulations and machinations, she was able to get back in the Senate (though she hasn't re-attained her former titles) and took control of what was left of the Centrists and squeaked in as the First Senator.</p><p>And now we're getting into the meat of the story. What's going to happen to Ben now? Has Rey ruined her relationships with her Resistance friends? Is all hope lost? </p><p>I've got answers.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Interrogations: Part One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I have officially upped the chapter count to 30. I've gotta say, I really only expected this story to be like 22 chapters max, but Ben and Rey have so much to say and do.</p><p>I'm still planning on a sequel, but I've been writing this story since TRoS premiered and I need a good long break.</p><p>Anyway, thanks to all that commented on the last chapter! I enjoyed introducing Sindian and I was really excited to get our trio back together even if they're all super pissed at each other now. </p><p>I hope you enjoy the next installment!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: Interrogations: Part One</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The ride in the transport was incredibly uncomfortable. There was plenty of room, so it wasn’t <em>that</em> causing the discomfort Rey was currently experiencing. No, what made the ride so painful was the awkward silence that permeated with so much deep-seated betrayal that Rey felt like she was going to be sick.</p><p> </p><p>No one looked at her. The two Sindian security guards kept their eyes trained stoically on either side of Rey’s head, refusing to make eye contact. Poe was piloting, but she could see the tense set of his shoulders and felt the turbulent emotions whirling around him like the winds of the X’us’R’iia. And Finn? Finn sat as far away from her as he could. As if she were some dangerous acid slug that threatened to burn through his flesh. The feeling of betrayal rolled off of him in crushing waves. The Force was heavy with it, overwhelming her so much that she wondered if the others really could not feel its weight.</p><p> </p><p>It stung her to know that she had made him so angry, so betrayed. But what could she have done differently?</p><p> </p><p>She chewed her lips trying to block out the overwhelming emotions she was picking up on. It was making it too hard for her to think. And she needed to think.</p><p> </p><p><em>Ben</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Ben had been taken from her. Her fingers clenched tightly on the uncomfortable cast-plast seat, causing it to creak in protest.</p><p> </p><p>He had been taken to the…Courts of Justice, was it called? And she was being taken to the Senate’s main building. The Senate Rotunda? She hoped that they weren’t far from each other. The thought of him being far from her was unbearable after two weeks of nonstop contact. It was stupid to feel that way about it, she thought angrily. They’d spent most of their time light years away from each other before everything and she still saw him in spite of that distance.</p><p> </p><p>But reuniting through their bond was nothing compared to the true peace and comfort that their physical closeness brought now that she was so used to it. She hoped that maybe they would be kind enough to stick her in a cell near Ben when they were through with her.</p><p> </p><p>Her eyes were trained firmly on the grimy looking floor as she felt the transport begin its descent. Not wanting to miss out on seeing Galactic City from a more level view, Rey sat up a bit and dared to glance out of the transparisteel view ports. She gasped, awed by the sight. Spires upon spires of glittering skyscrapers shot out from the ground like thousands of giant needles pointed toward the sky.</p><p> </p><p>And she thought that seeing Coruscant from space was stunning.</p><p> </p><p>It was quite apparent to her now that seeing the city from afar was not comparable to actually being in the city itself. The colors, the buildings, the sheer amount of air speeders soaring in the skylanes, all of it—was overwhelmingly beautiful.</p><p> </p><p><em>We must be in an affluent area of Galactic City</em>, she mused as she soaked in the view. The buildings were pristine and shining in the amber glow of the late afternoon sun. There were sky parks and greens floating at regular intervals and Rey <em>wanted to see it all</em>. She wanted to <em>experience</em> it all.</p><p> </p><p>Another involuntary gasp escaped her as two grand buildings came into her line of sight. One was a massive pyramidal design that looked like it had been sliced in half width wise and had five thick spires jutting out of the top. The other was built in a unique bulbous shape that reminded her of the pale mushrooms that grew in abundance on Ajan Kloss. The transport redirected itself toward the latter and she had to practice a lot of self-control to not scramble for a better view.</p><p> </p><p>There was a massive promenade below that surrounded the Senate Rotunda, lined with massive, abstractly humanoid statues that gleamed in the light of the dying sun. The ground was tiled with gorgeous stone that seemed to pick up the sunlight and glint with it. Bright flags flew at regular intervals, adding in pops of color to the monochrome of silvers and grays.</p><p> </p><p>It was breathtaking. And it was where they were headed. The transport descended gradually and then touched down soundly at the end of the stunning promenade.</p><p> </p><p>Despite the tragedy that was her life right now, Rey was excited to walk its length and take in everything she could of the beautiful area. And just maybe she could scope out where the Courts of Justice were.</p><p> </p><p>Thinking of Ben’s destination brought about a heavy wave of anxiety that did its best to knock the air from her lungs. She hoped Ben was okay. She tried reaching out over the bond, but his shields were rock solid against her prodding. <em>Just let me know that you’re okay</em>, she pleaded into his mental walls and waited for something, anything. Nothing. She tried to swallow the heavy lump caught in her throat</p><p> </p><p>It was interesting how easily anger could be forgotten when the person you were angry at was beaten and dragged away from you. Rey couldn’t care less about what happened between her and Ben in their last private moments now. She didn’t care about their own betrayals. She just wanted to hear his voice. She just wanted to know that he was all right.</p><p> </p><p>The ramp hissed open and the two guards stood simultaneously before stepping forward and hoisting her up almost roughly by her upper arms.</p><p> </p><p>“Oi!” she cried out in protest as they half lifted, half shoved her toward the open blastdoor and ramp. Those jack-asses were going to get it if they weren’t careful she thought viciously while trying to fight them off.</p><p> </p><p>Finn shadowed the exit, his expression thunderous. “The First Senator didn’t order an arrest, gentlemen.” He was still refusing to look at her but he glowered at the men who were roughing her as if she were still his precious Rey. “I would suggest that you restrain yourselves from being rough with her. She is still an ally of the Resistance and by default, an ally of the New Republic.”</p><p> </p><p>The guards exchanged wary and somehow still disgruntled looks with each other and then released Rey, brushing past her and waiting tersely at the bottom of the ramp. Finn stood, regarding them with a stony expression.</p><p> </p><p>When had he learned to speak with such authority?</p><p> </p><p>Rey rolled her shoulders, relieved to be in control of her movements again when Finn briefly caught her eye. He scowled and turned to march down the ramp when Rey caught his forearm. “Wait—Finn.” He paused and glanced at her again, dark expression still prevalent across his handsome features. He didn’t want to hear what she had to say. So instead of apologizing like she planned, she simply said “Thank you.”</p><p> </p><p>Finn jerked his head once in acknowledgement and was off.</p><p> </p><p>She felt another presence behind her.</p><p> </p><p>Poe.</p><p> </p><p>Unbidden, Rey turned to face the handsome fighter pilot she shared a tumultuous friendship with. The friend whom she had expected to react the most violently to Ben’s presence. The friend who had inexplicably been the somewhat saner one in the heat of the fateful confrontation they just walked away from. The friend who now regarded her with a bemused if somewhat disappointed detachment. She wasn’t sure if that was better than the betrayal radiating off of Finn.</p><p> </p><p>“Looks like we got a lot to discuss, don’t we, Sandstorm?” he broke the silence almost casually, regarding Rey with deceptively calm, dark eyes.</p><p> </p><p>As soon as their eyes connected, Rey was reminded at once that Poe was just as angry with her as Finn was. He was fighting so hard to keep himself calm. To keep the storm that had already overcome their other friend at bay. His signature in the Force was heaving, straining against the controls he fought to keep over everything else.</p><p> </p><p>Her eyes slid shut slowly, somehow disappointed and relieved at the same time to know that Poe was just as upset as Finn. He was just better at controlling it now.</p><p> </p><p>And suddenly, Rey was exhausted. She didn’t want to deal with her friend’s anger and blinding disappointment anymore. She didn’t want to think about how Ben was somewhere nearby blocking her presence from his mind, locked away in a prison cell. She didn’t want to think about the very real possibility that she was going to lose him all over again.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes,” Rey agreed tiredly, “it would appear so.”</p><p> </p><p>Poe’s face tightened momentarily before he schooled his face into an indifferent mask and marched past her. Rey followed him reluctantly down the worn ramp and onto the sparkling stonework of the promenade.</p><p> </p><p>She was immediately flanked by Finn and Poe while the two other men were relegated to the rear, their large blasters thudding surreptitiously against their thighs.</p><p> </p><p>Her eye was drawn once more to the giant mushroom-like building ahead of them. It was massive, easily spanning two kilometers in width. So many beings, more than she’d ever seen in one area, milled about ahead of them. Groups of colorful togrutas, twi’leks and other humanoids walked around the park leisurely. Others, a group of bith, a collection of duros and a pair of quarren stood at random intervals, taking in the scene before them with rapt fascination. With their alien features, she only knew this because she could feel it. And she couldn’t help but share their excited emotions. This was a breathtaking sight.</p><p> </p><p>As quickly as they could manage without appearing obvious, Poe and Finn set a pace that led them under the giant eaves of the Rotunda. They now walked on plush, scarlet carpet that rolled straight to a massively elaborate door carved from what Rey could only imagine was an inordinately expensive stone. <em>Marble</em>, she understood as they neared the entrance.</p><p> </p><p>Golden statues, at least three meters high each, lined the pathway to the entrance of the Rotunda and the duralloy walls were decorated with richly embroidered banners in a beautiful gray blue and silver. Rey had never seen such opulence. Her eyes must have been as wide as saucers as she sought to memorize each and every detail of the beautiful building.</p><p> </p><p>She felt almost reverent as they crossed the threshold and stepped into a cool, climate controlled and similarly elaborate atrium.</p><p> </p><p>The plush carpet was replaced with shining marble tile and painstakingly carved pillars. Winding staircases led to upper levels and she could see once past the atrium that there were several bustling storefronts where finely dressed senators and attendants mixed together enjoying the atmosphere.</p><p> </p><p>Poe led them away from the atrium and to a wall full of turbolifts. The silence that filled the space between all of them suddenly felt all too heavy now that they were inside. It made Rey feel antsy. She knew that the silence wouldn’t last though, so she tried not to let it get to her. As soon as they found an open conference room, she knew she would be expected to explain. And she still wasn’t ready.</p><p> </p><p>How could she explain it all to them? How could she make them understand? Especially now, she couldn’t find it in her to hope for that.</p><p> </p><p>The group moved into the first available lift and immediately shot down several levels before the doors sprang open once more.</p><p> </p><p>The grandness of the atrium was absent in the lower floors where things were kept simple—nearly utilitarian in design. They stopped in front of a plain blastdoor near the end of the hallway and entered a room with a long, elegantly made table. It was certainly a real wood—nothing synth about it. Perhaps it was kriin or homogeny?</p><p> </p><p>The chairs were richly furnished in a rich olive green velvoid, looking somehow rigid and plush at the same time. Rey took a seat and discovered that the chair was more comfortable than expected, but still not something that one could sink into.</p><p> </p><p>“You two can go ahead and wait outside,” Poe finally addressed the guards who stood stoically watching Rey.</p><p> </p><p>“The First Senator assigned us—“ the taller of the two, perhaps Fey, argued back. He was quickly cut off by Poe.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, yeah I know what she said. You can wait for her outside. And you can tattle on us for all I care. But General Finn and I are going to talk to Ms. Skywalker. Alone.” He waved his hand in a very Poe-like dismissive manner.</p><p> </p><p>The men’s faces darkened and one of them looked like he was about to protest again but thought better of it when he caught the expression on Finn’s face. “Get out. Now.”</p><p> </p><p>They left without further argument but let their displeasure show as they stomped out, one of them knocking against one of the conference chairs and setting it askew with his hip. How unprofessional.</p><p> </p><p>Poe scoffed, brows pulled into a scowl as the door slid shut behind them. “Thugs, the both of them.”</p><p> </p><p>And then he dropped heavily into the rich chair opposite of Rey, elbows resting on the lacquered table. His head dropped into his hands and he shook it. Was it in shock, in disappointment or in anger? Almost certainly a mix of all three.</p><p> </p><p>She watched him apprehensively, waiting for his explosion, but it never came. At least, it didn’t come from him.</p><p> </p><p>Finn rounded the table and stood, arms crossed and muscles bulging next to Poe. His eyes glowed with unbridled rage. His mouth was taut like the slack lines she used to shimmy across in rotting star destroyers. His breathing was heavy; sharp gasps bursting from his chest followed by sharp inhales.</p><p> </p><p>Rey looked down, feeling like a shamed child about to be reamed out for misbehaving. She couldn’t look up. She could feel the angry heat of Finn’s dark eyes burning holes into the top of her head. What could she say? She didn’t know. She didn’t know, she didn’t—</p><p> </p><p>“What in seven hells were you doing with <em>him</em>?” He starts in a deadly calm voice.</p><p> </p><p>Rey kept her head down as the anxiety built up. She felt the blood drain from her extremities, leaving them icy cold to the touch.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Crack!</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Rey jumped and looked up, startled. Finn rammed the table with his fist and glared at her with so much disgusted rage that she felt sick to her stomach.</p><p> </p><p>He looked nothing like himself.</p><p> </p><p>But she couldn’t cry now. Couldn’t let them see her weakness or her fear. She tried to stay firm. Tried to keep the tears away to just get through this whole thing as methodically as she could, but it was clearly futile. The whole thing revolved around her heart. How could she keep emotion out of it?</p><p> </p><p>A single tear leaked down her cheek and she sniffed, wide eyes trained on the frightening ex-stormtrooper she’d called her best friend for the past year.</p><p> </p><p>“Dammit, Rey!” Finn growled fiercely, “Why him?”</p><p> </p><p>“Is that why you refused to let us come with you to Tatooine? Was it so you could go off and meet up with that piece of scum without exposing your dirty, little secret? Huh? Is that why <em>the Force was pulling you off to go somewhere?</em> It was all about him! And you lied straight to my face! You sat there and smiled and told me that the <em>Force</em> was guiding you to something. But that was just a load of bantha shit, wasn’t it? Because he was already with you!”</p><p> </p><p>His words <em>hurt</em> her. They were so untrue, so false and yet Finn believed every word that came from his mouth. He was painting her as a villain—as someone capable of treachery of the highest degree. And in a way, she supposed she did commit it to some degree, but not in the way Finn believed. Not in the way he was accusing her. The tears dripped consistently down her cheeks as her distress increased with every awful word shouted at her.</p><p> </p><p>She couldn’t breathe. Everything inside was hurting—her chest, her heart, her head. Even her stomach hurt. She was going to lose Finn over this. And probably Poe. She was going to lose her family and she was going to lose Ben and she just couldn’t handle it. She wanted to scream. She wanted to die.</p><p> </p><p>She just wanted Ben.</p><p> </p><p>Always seemingly attuned to her, Ben’s presence filled the back of her mind as rapidly as a varactyl could scale a cliff side.</p><p> </p><p><em>Rey? </em>Came his deep, worried voice. It was a soothing balm to her soul. She reached for his presence eagerly.</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Ben!</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Rey, what’s wrong? I could feel pain. Are you okay? Please tell me you’re okay.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p><em>I—, </em>she sobbed internally<em>, </em>ashamed at her inability to stay in control<em>, I’m okay. I’m with Poe and Finn in a room inside the Rotunda. Finn…he hates me. He thinks that I ran off to be with you.</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>Rey felt a deep pooling anger come from Ben’s side of the bond and almost heard the accompanying growl that came with it.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I’ll kill him.</em>
</p><p> </p><p><em>No you wouldn’t. Not anymore, </em>she countered assuredly, <em>that’s not you anymore.</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>Ben paused to consider, <em>I’d beat the shit out of him, though.</em></p><p> </p><p>Rey almost laughed but stopped as she remembered her worry for him. <em>Ben, are you all right? Have they hurt you anymore?</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>His presence shifted uncomfortably. <em>I’m okay…</em>he hedged evasively. <em>I’m in my cell. They’ve replaced the shields and binders with Force-suppressing ones.</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>A pause and then,<em> I miss you.</em></p><p> </p><p>Her heart ached at those words. Did he have any idea of how badly she missed him too? He didn’t really answer her second question. <em>Ben, </em>she insisted, <em>have they hurt you?</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Rey…</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Rage built up within her, welling out of the recesses of her heart. They had hurt him. Would they continue to?</p><p> </p><p><em>I’ll kill them,</em> she growled, echoing Ben’s sentiments back at him.</p><p> </p><p>There was the most vague impression of a chuckle.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>No you wouldn’t.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>He was right. She wouldn’t. Rey could feel his presence start to withdraw from her, but her panic must have stopped him. She needed his comfort. She couldn’t do this without him.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Please stay with me, Ben. I need you with me.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>She could feel him nod tiredly over the bond and he settled into the back of her mind, listening to what was happening on her side of their bond.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on, Rey! Are you going to deny it? Are you going to say anything at all?” Finn’s voice rose to a shout, face a twist of angry emotion.</p><p> </p><p>Poe finally seemed to have enough of the one-man shouting match and turned to Finn, laying a hand on his arm. “Buddy, maybe this isn’t the right way to start the conversation…”</p><p> </p><p>Finn wrested his arm out of Poe’s grasp as if he were a pole-snake and glared at him. “And what is the right way, Poe? Don’t pretend that you aren’t as pissed off about this as I am. That this doesn’t make you sick to your stomach.”</p><p> </p><p>Poe gritted his teeth. “Yeah man, I am beyond pissed. But shouting a whole bunch of accusations at Rey isn’t going to get us anywhere. <em>Look</em> at her. Does she look like she’s going to talk to you right now? I wouldn’t, if my best friend were shouting at me and treating me like some demonspawn.”</p><p> </p><p>Finn had the sense to look slightly guilty, but the rage didn’t really abate.</p><p> </p><p>Instead he turned to Rey, voice a bit more calm but still very much shaking with suppressed anger.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re going to tell us everything. Now.”</p><p> </p><p>She could still feel Ben, his anger toward Finn simmering at the back of her head. Taking in a deep breath, she finally felt like she was collected enough to explain everything. And she was going to.</p><p> </p><p>The thought of sharing something as intimate as their bond with others who were not apart of it was uncomfortable—like she was sharing some part of her that was never meant to be exposed. She could sense that Ben felt the same way, but she could also sense his silent agreement that it needed to be done.</p><p> </p><p>She sent a quiet apology anyway.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay.” She sat up straight and met both of their gazes. “I’ll tell you everything on <em>one condition</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>Finn’s brows drew together in annoyance and he bit at his cheek before responding, “What is it?”</p><p> </p><p>“Let me get through it all before you start shouting at me again,” she directed her gaze pointedly at Finn, who simply glowered back.</p><p> </p><p>Poe huffed in exasperation and elbowed Finn in the ribs with a roll of his eyes. “Ow!” He glared down at Poe and sat down roughly. “Fine. Explain, Rey.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ben and I share a…connection. A bond. Through the Force.”</p><p> </p><p>They both stared at her blankly.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know exactly how it started… I suppose it was always there? I remember feeling something from his side a long time ago. Seven years ago, maybe?” She paused and shook her head, putting away the memory of unnatural cold in the desert.</p><p> </p><p>Ben was rigid in her mind. <em>You felt that? </em></p><p> </p><p>Rey mentally nodded and tried to ignore anything else from him. She needed to focus.</p><p> </p><p>“Something happened though, when he captured me.” Their eyes hardened. They both remembered what happened to Rey on Takodana. And after that, on Starkiller.</p><p> </p><p>She ignored them. “When he pushed into my mind, something happened. He could see everything—feel everything of mine. But I could feel him too. I felt his fears, his dreams…his loneliness.”</p><p> </p><p>Yes, she remembered the achingly deep loneliness that reflected her own as he searched her mind. Now that she knew what she and Ben were, it made sense to her that his pain matched hers. That his emptiness and isolation was <em>hers</em> too. She wished that they had found each other long before now. How different things could have been.</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s sadness at her thoughts echoed her own. Maybe things would have been different.</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt like something was stuck in her throat as she told them about their connections on Ahch-To.</p><p> </p><p>“We started seeing each other. Like how I can see you two before me now. It was the Force connecting us.” She shifted, “At first, I screamed at him. Told him he was a monster for killing his father. Called him a snake. But…he didn’t ever yell back…he was calm, sad even. And that pervasive sense of loneliness I felt within him on Starkiller Base was always there. Sometimes it was so heavy I felt like I could hardly breathe.”</p><p> </p><p>Finn broke his promise of silence to snarl at this. “So you took pity on the sad little murderer? Is that what happened, Rey?”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Finn</em>. Stop,” Poe hissed. “Apologies for the rude interruption. But if you tell us you started feeling bad for <em>Kylo Ren</em>, I think I might have to throw up.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey couldn’t help but release a darkly humored laugh, “Well you might want to do that now, then. Because yes, I did develop some sympathy for him. Empathy, actually. She told them about the cave. Why she went there and how empty and alone she felt afterwards.</p><p> </p><p>“The one person I knew would be able to relate to what I felt was Ben. So I reached out to him and told him everything. And in that moment, I knew that I wasn’t alone. I wanted him to know that he wasn’t either. And then we touched hands and I saw his future. I saw him come back to the light and because of that, I went to him on the <em>Supremacy</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>She couldn’t look up at them as she heard their horrified gasps. Couldn’t look up as she felt two hands slam down onto the table at the same time a chair was thrown back by the force of someone violently standing.</p><p> </p><p>She could hear Finn’s heavy breathing—he was trying to collect himself. She could hear Poe drag his hand first through his hair and then down his face. From experience, she knew that he was pinching his eyes shut as he scratched at his scruff in agitation. Knew that part of the reason he was so pissed was because he had been on the <em>Supremacy </em>too, with Rose and a scummy code breaker who had betrayed them and almost caused their deaths.</p><p> </p><p>“Why? Why would you hide that from us? And why in the Maker’s name would you do that?” Finn demanded, eyes blazing.</p><p> </p><p>The answer she knew that she needed to give was painful because she had been wrong.</p><p> </p><p>“Because I knew that if I did, Ben Solo would come back with me.”</p><p> </p><p>Poe groaned. “But he clearly didn’t.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, clearly he didn’t. But I made it out alive, didn’t I?”</p><p> </p><p>“So what happened? After you snuck onto the same ship I was about to die on?” Finn asked, voice a deadly calm. Rey shot a quick glance at her friend. He was standing, palms splayed on the table and leaning forward.</p><p> </p><p>“He killed Snoke to save me.”</p><p> </p><p>The color drained from both of their faces and they looked at each other.</p><p> </p><p>Finn sank into his seat, his anger forgotten momentarily. “But the First Order said that you did it. You…didn’t kill Snoke?” It was the first time since the platform that he didn’t have that ugly look on his face. Now he just looked…lost. Confused even.</p><p> </p><p>Rey nodded. “Snoke tortured me. And he wanted my life to end with the <em>cruelest stroke</em> to get back at Ben for his <em>weakness.</em> He meant for Ben to kill me. To show us that Ben was thoroughly in his control. But Ben didn’t. Instead, he carved Snoke in two and we fought his guards. And we won.”</p><p> </p><p>She relived the short moment of adrenaline filled joy when Ben stared at her afterward and tossed the pike aside. She thought for a moment that he might kiss her. But then she came to herself and tried to save the Resistance fleet while he stared at the corpse of his master.</p><p> </p><p>It was so painful to remember how wrong that moment went. She could feel Ben’s shame as he listened to her thoughts.</p><p> </p><p><em>You may have made the wrong choice then, </em>she sent to him,<em> but you made the right choice when it mattered most.</em></p><p> </p><p>“Then what happened?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey started, coming back to herself. “He offered me the galaxy.”</p><p> </p><p>The Force radiated with their dumbfounded amazement. Finn’s more sickened than Poe’s, whose shock mingled with notes of begrudging respect. Rey had to look away, not wanting to see the way they looked at her after that bombshell.</p><p> </p><p>She stared off over her friend’s shoulders at the rich wooden panels that lined the walls behind as they processed.</p><p> </p><p>“He offered me his hand. He wanted me to rule the galaxy with him under a new order. But I refused and I left him behind.”</p><p> </p><p>Poe seemed to shake it off faster than his shell-shocked companion and cleared his throat. “So, uh…he proposed. And you ran away from him.”</p><p> </p><p>His face dawned in realization. “Is that why he went nuts trying to find you all year? Because I swear I thought it was so strange to hear that he was not involved in like any of their big operations according to intelligence reports. And he was their <em>Supreme Leader</em>! I didn’t understand. He was searching for something. He was hyper-focused on finding…you?”</p><p> </p><p>All Rey could do was give a weak shrug. She didn’t know.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Is that what you were doing, Ben?</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p><em>I focused on other things too! </em>Ben protested quickly.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Ben…you’re deflecting.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>His side of the bond was quiet <em>…Do I have to answer that?</em> She sensed his embarrassment and didn’t press.</p><p> </p><p>Rey flushed at the implication. “I…suppose so?”</p><p> </p><p>“Woah, woah, wait. What just happened right there? You looked like you were listening to something. Are you talking to him <em>right now</em>?” Poe demanded, aghast.</p><p> </p><p>To his right, Finn tensed, eyes laser focused on her once more.</p><p> </p><p><em>And that’s why this was a bad idea</em>, Ben sighed.</p><p> </p><p>Her shoulders bowed, worried at what their reactions might be when she answered in the affirmative.</p><p> </p><p>But her silence proved answer enough.</p><p> </p><p>Neither Poe nor Finn responded aside from darkened expressions, as if they thought Rey was contaminated with something repulsive.</p><p> </p><p>“So what, the guy was obsessed with you for a year and you just forgot all of the vile things he’s done and went running to him once the war was over? Because he made you feel a little less lonely?” Finn looked revolted. “This is disgusting, Rey. How could you? After everything he’s done to us, how could you go running to him? You had us…”</p><p> </p><p>It was Poe’s turn to attack. “He tried to kill you, Rey. He almost killed Finn and he actually killed his father. And lets not forget how he ripped through my mind like it was nothing. I still have nightmares. Finn’s right. How could you go to him after <em>all</em> of that?”</p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t go running to him!” she burst, her own anger erupting heatedly in her chest. How dare they say those things? They didn’t know anything.</p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t know I was going to find him.” She was tiring of their accusations, their insults—everything that was coming out of their mouths.</p><p> </p><p>“What do you mean you didn’t know you were going to find him?” Finn asked sharply.</p><p> </p><p>“Because he was dead!”</p><p> </p><p>Now Rey was standing with rapid, frustrated breaths. Those cursed tears stung at her eyes yet again as she remembered the awful day that stole him away from her.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben Solo died on Exegol. He was dead and I…felt like I was slowly dying too.”</p><p> </p><p>Speaking those words aloud should have been cathartic, but they only served to remind her of the grief that drowned her for so long. All she could feel was the memory of the loss of their bond—the loss of his presence. It made her feel like she was dying all over, especially because she could lose him all over again.</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s current presence in her mind did little to stop the flood of emotion, but it soothed her enough to keep her standing and focused on telling their story.</p><p> </p><p>If Rey thought she’d seen her friend’s most flabbergasted faces before this, she was wrong. Poe looked like his brain was about to explode and Finn’s eyes were twitching at random intervals as his mouth worked and worked to form sentences.</p><p> </p><p>“He died?” Finn finally managed.</p><p> </p><p>“How? Why?” was all that Poe could say in response. He sank back into his chair, as if Rey’s revelation had drained him completely.</p><p> </p><p>Rey decided that short replies were best for now.</p><p> </p><p>“He came to Exegol to save me. He turned his back on the First Order and Palpatine for <em>me. </em>He fought by my side to save the <em>Resistance</em>.” She stopped to steel herself; “And he gave up his life to bring me back from the dead.”</p><p> </p><p>Stunned silence. And then…Rey saw Finn’s face change from bewilderment to realization as something clicked into place. She watched him warily, waiting for him to say something.</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t address her. Instead, he looked to Poe, who looked like he was about to pass out.</p><p> </p><p>“She’s telling the truth, man. I—felt her presence flicker out toward the end of the battle when that crazy lightning disappeared. I didn’t completely understand what happened. I knew it was bad… but then?”</p><p> </p><p>He turned his attention back to Rey, “You were gone. And suddenly, I felt you again and I felt something…someone else fade away. That was Ren?”</p><p> </p><p>The lump in Rey’s throat made it difficult for her to swallow and impossible for her to speak, so she nodded instead. It was so difficult for her to think about it. But she needed them to understand. And maybe if they understood, they would be willing to help her?</p><p> </p><p>“I gave everything I had to stop Palpatine. When I defeated him, it killed me.”</p><p> </p><p>She remembered the cool darkness that enveloped her after she collapsed. The nothingness that was so calm and peaceful. Then she was awake, in Ben’s arms.</p><p> </p><p>“But then I came to. Ben was there, holding me.” She didn’t tell them about the kiss. That wasn’t something they needed to know about. It was private and so sacred and she didn’t want their disapproval tainting the memory.</p><p> </p><p>“And he looked at me as though I were the very sun.” Rey choked back a sob as she recalled the way he looked at her. “But something was wrong, I could feel it. I could feel him fading away. He died in my arms and the Force claimed him almost immediately after. He died a hero. Without him, all would have been lost.”</p><p> </p><p>It was quiet for a few moments as the others tried to process what she dropped on them. And she was all the more willing to let them if it gave her a few moments to herself.</p><p> </p><p>Poe’s eyes lit up as though he suddenly understood something. “Wait, so this is why you were acting all depressed and avoided everyone all those weeks? Because Ren died? And not because of—” he gestured between the two of them—“because of what happened between us that night?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s eyes bugged out of her skull and she panicked. “Poe! I already told you before, no—yes, I was hurting because of Ben, not because of—” she cut herself off, refusing to say it out loud when Ben was suddenly hyper focused on the exchange.</p><p> </p><p><em>Rey? This is the second time he’s brought this up. What exactly happened? </em>Ben seemed confused and…was he a little jealous?</p><p> </p><p><em>Nothing. Don’t worry about it. Later, </em>she sent, hoping that he would forget but knowing that it wouldn’t be likely.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay…okay. Fine.” Poe’s eyes were unfocused as he thought; “So Kylo Ren sacrificed himself to bring you back to life? Why?”</p><p> </p><p>Why indeed? Rey had a pretty certain idea why, but she didn’t want to speak for Ben. She didn’t want to say something out loud that he hadn’t even admitted yet. She could feel Ben stir uncomfortably in the bond as he waited for her reply.</p><p> </p><p><em>I won’t say anything you haven’t already said yourself, Ben, </em>she sent assuredly.</p><p> </p><p>So she settled for something slightly vague. “It’s complicated.”</p><p> </p><p>Poe rolled his eyes, “Rey, remember when you told us you were going to tell us everything? ‘<em>It’s complicated’</em> isn’t going to cut it.”</p><p> </p><p>She chewed on her lips. It wasn’t as if she could just come out and say, <em>Oh, well, you know…Ben and I have this weird relationship and I’m pretty sure he did it because he loves me. And on that note, I’m quite certain I love him too. </em>That would not go over well. Not at all.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey…” he pressed again, leaning forward intently.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Ben if you don’t want to hear these sorts of things, you’d best clear out of my head now. I have a feeling I’m going to say some things that you’ve tried to avoid hearing.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Maybe now that he was where he wanted to be, he would start listening to sense again and just admit it. And let her return the favor. But she could feel his desire to withdraw and it might have fissured her heart more than she cared to admit.</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Rey…</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Go. If you aren’t ready to hear it then I don’t want you here to listen.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Like a wave receding from the sandy surf, Ben withdrew from her mind. It felt cold and empty without him there. She didn’t want to admit how badly she wished he had stayed.</p><p> </p><p>“Poe, I don’t know how to answer that,” she finally replied. “I don’t want to speak for him when he isn’t here. But I can tell you this. And before I do, I need you to promise me that you’ll both listen. Things were so complicated between Ben and I. They still are in some ways. So please, can you promise to keep quiet and just listen to me?”</p><p> </p><p>Poe answered after half a beat. “Yeah I can keep quiet.”</p><p> </p><p>Finn took longer, his dark eyes examining Rey’s until he relaxed his clenched jaw and nodded. “I can too.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey sighed. <em>Okay.</em></p><p> </p><p>“Before I get into the why of it all, there’s something I need to explain a bit more.”</p><p> </p><p>They both raised their brows at her and she continued. “You know how I told you that Ben and I connected? Well, that’s because we’re a dyad in the Force.”</p><p> </p><p>She held up her hand as Poe opened his mouth to interrupt. “Stop. I’ll explain.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ben discovered that we were a dyad at some point between Crait and Kijimi. And he told me shortly before you rescued me on the <em>Falcon</em>. He said that we were one entity in the Force that was split into two bodies. The bond is extremely rare and extremely powerful. Normal bonds don’t allow you to physically connect with your bondmate. But since we are a dyad, we were able to. And the intense level of understanding we share—the reason why I’ve felt so connected to him this entire time, the reason why I know him better than anyone else is because of our dyad bond. I know his mind as well as my own. I know his heart—his every intent. And he knows mine.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ben and I are one.” And now to explain the part that she dreaded most. Would they think her treasonous? Would they hate her?</p><p> </p><p>“And through that oneness, we—we started…caring for each other.”</p><p> </p><p>Finn slammed his fists into the table again. She was honestly surprised the table hadn’t cracked yet.</p><p> </p><p>“What did you just say? Are you joking right now, Rey? This has got to be some sick joke,” he laughed bitterly. “Are you seriously telling us you fell for the enemy?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey stared into Finn’s eyes, willing him to see the truth of it. “Yes. Just as much as he fell for me.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t believe this,” Poe moaned into his palms. “I literally do not think I can take any more of this insanity. Why are you telling us this Rey?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey blinked. “Because you asked me to.”</p><p> </p><p>Poe snapped his head up. “No, Rey, you didn’t have to go into all of this detail explaining all of this dyad shit, telling us over and over again that you know him better than anyone else. Why are you telling us this?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey swallowed, her mouth feeling dry. This was it. This was the moment where she asked them for their help.</p><p> </p><p>“Because I can’t lose him again. You saw what happened to me after Exegol. I was living a half-life and I was that way because Ben died. Because I lost half of my soul that day. And somehow I got it back when I flew to Ahch-To when I found him there <em>alive </em>thanks to Leia and the influence of the Force and I <em>don’t want to lose him again.</em> I can’t. If I lose him again, I won’t survive it.”</p><p> </p><p>If she thought it would help, she would be begging on her knees now. “I need your help, Poe. Finn. I need you to help me save him. <em>Please</em>. I only just got him back.”</p><p> </p><p>Finn was stalking toward the door before she could finish. “I don’t believe this,” he growled, echoing Poe. “I have to get out of here.” The blast door opened and hissed shut before Rey could blink. She felt like her chest was caving in on itself, seeing him leave like that.</p><p> </p><p>She turned watery eyes to Poe.</p><p> </p><p>The man with the mop of dark, curly hair that was so like and unlike Ben’s at the same time stared hard at Rey, jaw ticking and under eye twitching. He worked his jaw side to side for a few moments, scrutinizing her with nearly black eyes. She knew that something bitter was fighting its way out to be said by his expression, so she was surprised by the question that finally filled the air.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you love him?”</p><p> </p><p>What kind of question was that?</p><p> </p><p>“More than anything,” came her quiet confession.</p><p> </p><p>Another silence, this one heavy with a piercing sadness that emanated from Poe, replacing the previous emotions that had wrapped around him earlier. He finally looked up at her, fierce gazed hinting with sympathy.</p><p> </p><p>“Then you never should have brought him here.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Poor, poor Rey. </p><p>Don't worry, she's gonna figure things out soon. And then that foot is gonna come down!</p><p>EDIT: I've gotten some feedback about how I characterized Finn and how its unusual. I have a long-winded explanation that talks about why I believe that Finn's reactions are pretty in line with who he is and why I chose to write him react in the manner that he did. I hope that it helps to clear stuff up!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Interrogations: Part Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Welcome to chapter nineteen! Thanks to all who have stuck it with me so far and thank you to the new readers who have found my story. I really appreciate all feedback!</p><p> </p><p>I’ve received feedback regarding Finn and the way he was characterized in chapter 18. None of it was negative, but I did want to address it. Lots of readers mentioned that his reaction was extreme and I agree that it was. I wanted to explain why I think that his reaction was natural and in character for him. And why for this story, it makes sense for him to blow up and take it out on Rey.</p><p>I think what’s key here is this (TL;DNR): We have the tendency to react the most strongly when it involves the people we love most. You don’t get incredibly angry with someone you aren’t close to. But it is different with family/friends/SOs. You get most mad at the people you’re closest to. So that’s why Finn reacts so strongly to Rey showing up with Ben. Rey is his closest friend (who, in my head cannon, he still has some romantic feelings for) and she’s done this thing that he sees as a massive betrayal to who he thinks she is and to their friendship/their “people”.</p><p>Lets step into his shoes. You have a best friend who died and came back. You felt it happen but the topic hasn’t been broached by her, so it's never been talked about. She’s acting weird. Distant, sad, not herself at all and when you ask, she brushes it off and says that she’s fine. She won’t tell you what happened on Exegol, but you know it's linked to that. That’s fine, you think, when she’s ready, she’ll talk to me. Then after all the weird behavior, she wants to go to Tatooine alone. She promises to make it a short 24 hour planetside trip because she knows that people are worried about her. But instead, she doesn’t respond to comms for days and when she finally does, she isn’t actually coming home at all. She’s heading off somewhere else and she doesn’t say how long she’ll be gone for and she doesn’t tell you where she’s going. You’re upset, but you trust her, so you let her go.</p><p>THEN, her communications and her tracker are shut off and you don’t hear anything for two weeks. You are freaking out, sick to your stomach thinking that something has happened to her. Then your friend, Poe finally, finally gets through to her and tells you she’s coming home. She doesn’t reach out to you, her best friend. So you’re mad at her for that.</p><p>Finally, she arrives. You’re so excited to see her after three-ish weeks of being a part and when you see her, she looks like she’s been crying. She looks upset and withdrawn so you’re on edge and bothered that she isn’t as excited to see you as you are to see her. BUT THEN, you start to feel another presence and you recognize it. It’s Kylo Ren. This man you perceive as evil and especially vile because he has this sick obsession with your friend. You know this because you’ve heard rumors of him searching her out for the past year. You go into protection mode and what happens? </p><p>Your best friend pushes past you and rushes to stand between you and your enemy. And what’s this? She is protecting HIM. From you. Not the other way around as you expected. She’s trying to keep him safe. After all the evil things he’s done, she is trying to protect him. She pulls a lightsaber on you.</p><p>Why is she protecting him? He’s tried to kill you. He almost did on Starkiller and on Crait. He’s stalked your best friend. He’s a bad guy and she’s defending him from you and your allies. </p><p>You don't care that he defected. If he was connected to Rey this whole time, he could have called the whole thing off ages ago. You were a stormtrooper. He was the Supreme Leader's attack dog and THEN the Supreme Leader itself. It's different.</p><p>It hurts and you’re angry. You’re a little jealous. You feel like she’s betrayed you. And so when she tells you what actually happened, that she’s been connected to this enemy intimately all along and hid it from you, you get pissed. Then she confesses that they love each other and that just makes everything a million times worse. You feel like she’s a stranger. That you don’t know this person at all.</p><p>And that is why I made Finn react so violently to Rey’s revelations. Its just a whole combination of her secrecy, her lack of communications over the last three weeks and the fact that she was with Kylo Ren, the enemy, the whole time she was MIA and that she wants to save him from a fate that Finn believes he absolutely deserves.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>CHAPTER NINETEEN: Interrogations: Part Two</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The blast door slid open with a hiss before Rey could ask what Poe meant. Poe snapped to attention when he noticed the intruder and Rey turned slowly to see who it was.</p><p> </p><p>She had a sneaking suspicion.</p><p> </p><p>The First Senator stood for a moment, observing the room before she crossed the threshold with bred assurance to the head of the luxurious table. She sat primly and was flanked by two new faces. An older gentleman with bright silver hair and terrifyingly vivid violet eyes and a woman who looked to be in her mid thirties with mocha skin and forest green hair. Her honey eyes complimented her hair perfectly.</p><p> </p><p>Rey could only assume they were some of the people that Sindian requested. The two individuals by the names of Maevus and Lorso—the ones she’d requested while still on that godforsaken platform. Rey couldn’t bring herself to care enough to figure out who was who.</p><p> </p><p>The two guards had also followed, looking thoroughly reamed out and angry. The taller one shot Poe a glare while the other scowled down at the ground. They stood behind the First Senator and her companions imperiously.</p><p> </p><p>Only once Carise Sindian was seated did Poe resume sitting in his own chair. “Madame Senator, thank you for joining us,” he greeted respectfully even though it had been her idea for this in the first place and even though he was clearly annoyed at the interruption.</p><p> </p><p>It was jarring to see quick talking, rough and tumble Poe Dameron assume the role of a diplomat, but, Rey supposed, this was what Leia had been training him for all along.</p><p> </p><p>“I would return the sentiment, General, however under the circumstances, I don’t think I can.” Sindian leant back into her chair and drummed her stiletto nails against the finely carved armrests and watched Rey closely with narrowed eyes. Her full, dark lips thinned into a sneering line, cold fury breaking slightly through the diplomatic façade.</p><p> </p><p>“General, I’m sure you remember my closest advisor, Senator Malan Lorso.” The male with a shock of silver hair to her right bowed his head in acknowledgment of Poe.</p><p> </p><p>“Senator Lorso,” Poe greeted evenly. Then his attention was diverted to the blastdoor yet again when it opened. Finn stood, face as smooth as glass now. He seemed to have cooled down surprisingly fast. It shouldn’t have surprised her. On the rare occasion that Finn ever got upset, it was never extended.</p><p> </p><p>He had worked it out of his system for the time being and would resume his duty as a general in tandem with Poe.</p><p> </p><p>Rey did note with a slight bit of despair that he refused to look at her. Would he explode at her again or was this the new normal for them? Cold-shouldered to the background of his life.</p><p> </p><p>One of the First Senator’s companions, the older looking gentleman with silver hair and violet eyes watched her shrewdly for a moment and before he opened his mouth to tear into her. Lorso, was it? Well, she decided the moment she heard his sharp voice that she hated him.</p><p> </p><p>“Ms. Skywalker, are you aware of your treasonous actions today? Harboring the most wanted fugitive of the New Republic and then bringing him to our capitol unfettered <em>and </em>in the presence of the First Senator, endangering her life?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey nodded. What more could she say? She had done those things but she hadn’t wanted to bring Ben to Coruscant at all and the cause of the second accusation was unintentional.</p><p> </p><p>It’s not like Ben was really a threat to them anymore, though. He had turned on the First Order.</p><p> </p><p>And not that it mattered anymore, but she would have preferred to stay light years away from the Core all together. But of course, she didn’t exactly have a say in the matter thanks to Ben and his <em>literal</em> suicide mission.</p><p> </p><p>Malan Lorso continued, unaware of Rey’s thoughts, “Not only that, but you drew your weapon on two of our generals in order to <em>protect</em> said fugitive and then attempted to obstruct justice by interfering with his arrest.”</p><p> </p><p>The silver haired man stopped to finally gauge her reaction. “Do you understand how much trouble you are in?”</p><p> </p><p>Her resentment tripled as he asked such a belittling question. Was she to be treated like a child? He had no right to speak to her in this manner.</p><p> </p><p>She took in one indignant breath before firing back, eyes ablaze.</p><p> </p><p>“What I <em>understand</em>, Senator Lorso, is that I brought an unarmed man to the capitol. A man who was planning to willingly submit to whatever General Dameron saw fit. We were completely unaware that the First Senator would be there to honor us with her presence.”</p><p> </p><p>Leia had better be proud of her diplomacy skills right now. Even if they were rather limited. Because all she wanted to do was stand and scream at all of them to just let Ben go.</p><p> </p><p>He just smiled coolly back at her, violet eyes narrowing just ever so slightly. “As for you pulling a weapon on New Republic generals?”</p><p> </p><p>“They were threatening his life and I was trying to protect him. I’ll repeat it again; he was unarmed and came of his own free will. He had absolutely no intention of harming anyone.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey glared around the room and couldn’t help but adding, “The way Ben was treated was despicable.” she hissed, not caring that her friends, the ones whom she’d counted on to be allies, went stony at her accusation.</p><p> </p><p>Lorso’s eyes lit up as if he’d cornered her somehow. Rey stiffened in suspicion and awaited his next attack with little patience. “Are you saying, Ms. Skywalker, that if Kylo Ren had been attacked, you would have retaliated?”</p><p> </p><p>Her palms stung sharply and Rey realized that her fingernails had cut into her palms; she was clenching her fists so tightly. She decided not to dignify that deplorable man with the answer he was looking for. Because she would have retaliated. She knew it with every fiber of her being. But he couldn’t know that—none of them could.</p><p> </p><p>“It didn’t come to that,” she gritted out instead.</p><p> </p><p>Startling violet orbs bore into grey-green flecked hazel. “No, it did not,” he agreed with a smirk.</p><p> </p><p>Malan Lorso regarded her for a moment longer before looking to Carise Sindian, who gave the barest of nods and then sat down, posture stiff.</p><p> </p><p>If possible, Carise Sindian sat up even straighter and finally addressed Rey again with an even tone. “Thank goodness it did not come to blows.”</p><p> </p><p>Then she cocked her head, regarding Rey with those impenetrable black eyes. “I am willing to forgive your trespasses, Ms. Skywalker, if you can detail exactly what happened to the former Supreme Leader and why you were with him for the past weeks,” she paused and examined Rey.</p><p> </p><p>Rey wanted to squirm beneath those observant dark eyes, but stayed perfectly still.</p><p> </p><p>Sindian continued, “I assume that you’ve been with him this entire time? Based on how…close…you seem.”</p><p> </p><p>So Rey would be off the hook if she told the First Senator what happened on Exegol and where she’d been with Ben? That seemed too disastrously simple. Almost like a trap.</p><p> </p><p>Rey looked to Poe, who raised his brows as if to say ‘you need to tread carefully as you tell her what happened’, and nodded at her stiffly. She knew that there was no way out of this.</p><p> </p><p>She swallowed. Looks like she doesn’t have much of a choice in the matter. And she was being given the opportunity to tell the leader of the known galaxy about Ben’s defection from the First Order and how he helped the Resistance. That was no small matter. It was going to help him. She knew it.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll tell you what you want to know.”</p><p> </p><p>Sindian smiled, revealing perfectly white, even teeth and gestured for Rey to begin.</p><p> </p><p>Right. Well. How to start telling that one? Rey took a moment to center herself in the Force, hoping that it might guide her to say the right things even though she knew that wasn’t exactly how it worked. But she didn’t have anything else and she was so very desperate.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben and I came to an understanding after a duel on the ruins of Kef Bir,” she started, not completely sure why she was opening with that, but trusting that it was instinct and <em>maybe</em> the inspiration of the Force that led her there.</p><p> </p><p>So she told them everything that happened from the time that she left him on the ruins of Death Star II to the point where Ben died.</p><p> </p><p>Rey kept her eyes trained on the table before her as she continued speaking. “He saved me. He saved all of the Resistance that day. I can promise you that if Ben Solo hadn’t been there, I would have fallen to Palpatine.”</p><p> </p><p>She inhaled brokenly, her heart stinging at the memory of Ben’s loss. Would it ever stop hurting?</p><p> </p><p>“He died saving me. He died saving the entire galaxy.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey risked a glance up to Sindian.</p><p> </p><p>“My dear Ms. Skywalker, I’m not sure I understand how he died. Or if I believe that he truly <em>did</em> die,” she announced simply as her nails still clicked away at the wooden armrests.</p><p> </p><p>“He did,” Rey insisted all the while hating the fact that she had to defend Ben’s death to some <em>stranger</em> who had no idea. “I watched him fade away. He was gone.”</p><p> </p><p>“And even if we were to believe you,” Lorso interjected, “If Kylo Ren did die as you say, how exactly is he here now? There are fifteen eyewitnesses confirming the identity of the former Supreme Ruler. If he truly did die as you say, would he not still be dead? I, for one, have never heard of anyone returning from such a permanent state.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey almost snorted at that despite the anger that was filling every artery, vein and capillary. Where was he when Palpatine announced he was back? She was about to say as much when she received help from an unexpected ally.</p><p> </p><p>“Madame Senator,” Finn spoke out, “I can confirm Kylo Ren’s death.”</p><p> </p><p>Carise Sindian turned her black eyes on him and raised a perfectly sculpted brow at him, “Oh? General Finn, please elaborate.”</p><p> </p><p>Finn appeared to want to do anything but that, but he obliged with a halting glance toward Rey.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m…Force-sensitive. When Rey died on Exegol, I felt it. It was like something had been torn from me—so I <em>know </em>that it was her death. But then…I felt her come back and as she did, I felt another powerful life force blink out. As gone as Rey’s had been.”</p><p> </p><p>He gulped, hands clenched in determination. “First Senator, I felt that same signature on the Falcon and only then did I realize that it belonged to Kylo Ren. I felt him die on Exegol but as you saw, he stood before us as plain as day.” Finn shook his head as if to clear it. “I don’t know how it happened, but he’s back.”</p><p> </p><p>Sindian’s eyes flicked back to Rey’s though she still faced Finn. “Very well. How did he come back from the dead, Ms. Skywalker?”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know,” Rey replied honestly, earnestly, even. “He doesn’t either.”</p><p> </p><p>If they got out of this mess, it would be one of the first things they should do. Figure out how Ben was brought back to her.</p><p> </p><p>She shifted, feeling the desire to stand, but she knew she wouldn’t be allowed to, so she remained seated. How long had it been since she’d been corralled into this room? One hour? Two?</p><p> </p><p>Her back ached to be stretched after hours upon hours of sitting and her stomach growled in protest of being left empty for so long. She’d been too sick with nerves to eat in the past twenty-four hours and now her gut seemed to have had enough of its neglect. She clenched a hand against it, hoping that it would stifle any unbecoming sounds.</p><p> </p><p>“I felt drawn to Ahch-To, a planet in the Unknown Regions and I found Ben there, disoriented and just as confused as I was. But very much alive.”</p><p> </p><p>Then, reluctantly because she knew that someone was going to ask and she just wanted to feel a little bit in control of this horrible day, “We were there for two weeks before we got word from Poe that the government was stable enough to have established its capitol.”</p><p> </p><p>She just wanted to be done with this. She wanted food and she wanted to see Ben.</p><p> </p><p>Was he all right? He sounded pained when they first started talking and she knew that he was hiding something from her. He evaded her questions about his well-being. Rey fought the urge to chew her lips and tried to push her worries to the back of her mind. Right now, she needed to answer questions and then get out of the stupid conference room. Then she could focus on Ben. And food.</p><p> </p><p>Carise Sindian nodded. It was a gesture that would have seemed friendly if it weren’t for the laser focus of her glittering eyes. They reminded Rey of obsidian—flinty and sparkling. Sharp and dangerous. “And why, pray tell, did you spend two weeks with an enemy?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey just barely caught hold of her temper and the heated blush that fought to manifest across her cheeks. Her reasons were her own. She shouldn’t have to explain to a stranger why she was with Ben. It wasn’t Sindian’s business. It wasn’t <em>anyone’s</em> business.</p><p> </p><p>One firm look from Poe told her that she was expected to divulge this information. She held in a huff and bit sharply into the inside of her cheek just so she wouldn’t scream in frustration.</p><p> </p><p>“He isn’t my enemy. He hasn’t been my enemy in a long time.” She needed to make that very clear to them. They needed to see that he wasn’t their enemy anymore.</p><p> </p><p>“Not that it’s anyone’s business,” Rey couldn’t help throwing in as she finally answered Sindian’s question, “but we were getting to know each other better. We…” she paused to fortify herself before continuing, “we enjoy being with each other and I knew that it was best for us to stay far away from any systems where the New Republic had a presence.”</p><p> </p><p>She watched the First Senator closely but the woman gave nothing away. Her face remained infuriatingly impassive. Finally she spoke up again.</p><p> </p><p>“My, my Ms. Skywalker,” Carise Sindian said with a hint of condescension, “you have certainly done your job in attempting to de-vilify Kylo Ren today. It is certainly not something that I would have expected from a Jedi. One might think that your feelings go a little <em>deeper</em> than simply <em>enjoying </em>his presence? Or am I mistaken?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s expression hardened. The woman was up to something. So she stayed silent and simply met Sindian’s eyes instead of gracing those remarks with a response of her own.</p><p> </p><p>Sindian’s lips quirked up in a tiny smirk at the challenge presented by Rey’s gaze. “Yes,” she answered herself, “I do believe your feelings go quite deeper than I initially believed.”</p><p> </p><p>“I suspected as much when I saw the way you fell to pieces upon Kylo Ren’s arrest, but I thought to myself that there was absolutely no way the <em>Last Jedi</em> and the <em>Jedi Killer</em> could possibly be involved in a romantic tryst. The idea was almost laughable,” a tinkling laugh mingled with her last words. “Yet here you are, confirming my initial suspicions after all.”</p><p> </p><p>She lifted a dainty, ring-clad hand in dismissal. “You’re all excused. I wish to speak with Ms. Skywalker alone.”</p><p> </p><p>Her attendants rose obediently and left, quickly followed by the guards, albeit they followed more reluctantly. Poe rose hesitantly, casting a worried glance at Rey but Finn remained firmly placed in his chair. “With all due respect, Madame Senator, I’d like to remain here with Rey.”</p><p> </p><p>Sindian didn’t bother to look at him, “Noted, General. You are still dismissed.”</p><p> </p><p>Finn sat there for another moment, mouth hanging open before Poe finally pried him off the chair. They left the room slowly; nervous looks directed at Rey before the blast door separated them.</p><p> </p><p>Stars, this could not end well.</p><p> </p><p>Sindian remained seated, though she did lean over the table now, fingernails clacking on the glossy surface. “Oh, my poor dear, if only you knew what is in store for your precious Kylo.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey was outright glaring at Carise Sindian. “I know what the Senate intends to do with him.”</p><p> </p><p>Two perfectly sculpted brows rose toward sleek, black hair. “Do you?”</p><p> </p><p>“Do you know that he is being held in a cell right now, his connection to your <em>Force</em> completely cut off? I’ve heard it’s quite an uncomfortable experience. And that once the call to assembly has been filled, former Supreme Leader Ren will be put on trial before the Senate and several high ranking military officials? This trial will last one day, two if he is lucky—before the jury is called to vote. That vote will decide his fate. And I’m afraid it will not look good for him. He has done many awful things—devastating things that have made the citizens of our galaxy long for his blood to be spilt. The Senate’s jury will find him guilty and whoever has the pleasure of being judge will move to execute him because they know that their constituents would be thrilled to know that the man who inflicted such terror on their systems will die for his crimes. Perhaps not on the spot…that is positively too primeval. But he will not live long after the sentence has been decided upon.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey flinched. Hearing Ben’s probable fate was difficult to listen to coming from someone else. It was much worse to hear it from a stranger than it did from Ben. At least when he said it, she could reasonably deny that it would come to pass.</p><p> </p><p>“Which begs the question. If you knew what would happen to Ren, why would you bring him here? Where he faces certain death?”</p><p> </p><p>She could feel the all too familiar sting of betraying tears prick in the corners of her eyes. She hated that she was showing weakness in front of this woman. “I didn’t want to,” she bit out, teeth gritted against the burning sensation in her eyes.</p><p> </p><p><em>Don’t you dare cry in front of this despicable woman,</em> she scolded herself.</p><p> </p><p>She breathed in deeply, willing herself to be centered in the Force again. She needed to proceed with as much calm as she could muster.</p><p> </p><p>“If it had been up to me, Ben and I would never have come back to the Core. But Ben thinks that he needs to turn himself in order to atone for everything he’s done to the galaxy. He wants to give the citizens of the New Republic what he believes they are owed.”</p><p> </p><p>Sindian’s eyes narrowed in confusion, as if she was not expecting that. “That is…honorable of him,” she settled on at last. “But clearly you do not want him to give his life over to the New Republic.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re right. I don’t.”</p><p> </p><p>The First Senator nodded in thought. “Then perhaps I can be of assistance to you.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey nearly did a double take. She was sure she’d misheard. Surely the First Senator, the woman who had essentially accused her of treason at the beginning of their conversation here was not offering to help her.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry, what?”</p><p> </p><p>A small smile pulled Sindian’s red lips into a grin. “I said I could be of assistance to you. In regards to your beloved <em>Ben.</em>”</p><p> </p><p>Rey couldn’t believe what she was hearing. How could she help Ben?</p><p> </p><p>Suspicion set in. Why would the First Senator offer her help anyway? It was ludicrous in every sense of the word. And yet, Rey felt a flicker of hope despite it all.</p><p>           </p><p>Her best friends refused to help her save Ben. When she needed their help and support the most, Finn walked away and Poe said nothing. She knew then that she couldn’t count on them. <em>Her best friends.</em> It made her heartsick just thinking about it.</p><p> </p><p>But now the elected <em>leader</em> of the Republic was freely offering her help.</p><p> </p><p>Freely?</p><p> </p><p>No. Rey was wise enough to know that a favor of this caliber was not offered freely. There would certainly be some thing Sindian wanted in exchange for her help.</p><p> </p><p>The question was what could Rey offer that Sindian wanted badly enough to risk her position?</p><p> </p><p>Rey watched Sindian suspiciously, eyes narrowed. “And why would the First Senator of the New Republic want to aid the leader of a defeated enemy? Wouldn’t it ‘make’ your political career to be the First Senator in office when Kylo Ren was apprehended and put to death? Why throw all of that away for him?”</p><p> </p><p>Sindian laughed, her hand pressed to her chest daintily. “You misunderstand, Ms. Skywalker. I am not helping Kylo Ren. I am offering my assistance to <em>you</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>“That makes even less sense. Why would you offer to help me save Ben?”</p><p> </p><p>The elegant woman stood with far more grace than should ever be allowed. Rey wished that she could move with that refined ease. She was struck with how frumpy she must be in comparison and tried to discreetly scrub at the grease stains that spotted the back of her hand.</p><p> </p><p>Sindian placed a hand on the high back of her chair and regarded Rey with an impassive gaze. “I will not lie to you, Ms. Skywalker. I came into this position in an interesting manner. My popularity is…lower…than I would like it to be. Many view my faction unfavorably and I am viewed unfavorably as well. I would like to change that. If I want to change the Republic—if I want to actually have an impact on our society, then I need more. I need more popularity. I need more <em>influence</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>The First Senator gestured out to Rey, “I need you. I need the Last Jedi on my side.”</p><p> </p><p>And Rey was struck with memories of the conversation she’d had with Poe over the holoprojector from a few days before.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>We need your support. As the Last Jedi, you have more influence on the people and this sham of a government than you probably should, but it’s needed. We need you to help us get the right people in the right places.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>“Others whom I trust have asked me to support their cause with my <em>influence</em>,” Rey almost spat the word. “Why should I support you when you’re the one they want out of the First Senator’s seat?”</p><p> </p><p>Carise chuckled darkly, teeth flashing in a humorless smile. “Ah yes, General Dameron and Senator Connix do not care for me nor the Centrist Faction. I am well aware. But may I ask you something before I answer you?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey nodded, still feeling ill at ease.</p><p> </p><p>“I am aware that you are quite close with both General Dameron and General Finn and I assume that one of the first things you have done upon your arrival is to ask for their help in saving Ben Solo from his fate.”</p><p> </p><p>She watched Rey’s expression carefully, her eyes dancing across each feature. “Tell me, did they agree to help you?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt her stomach twist and knot into a tight, heavy ball.</p><p> </p><p>They hadn’t. Finn stormed out when she asked and Poe had essentially told her that she shouldn’t have come back with Ben if she wanted him to live.</p><p> </p><p>“No, they didn’t.” came her numb, unbidden reply. The admission stung her deeply. It was a betrayal she hadn’t expected. Her friends didn’t want to help her when she needed their help the most. She felt abandoned, alone in this.</p><p> </p><p>Sindian nodded as though she had expected as much. She started making her way around the table and then sat next to Rey, pulling her chair to face Rey head on. Rey’s eyes caught on the inky pool her gown’s train made for a moment before she turned to face the First Senator.</p><p> </p><p>“I am sorry that your friends can’t see past their prejudices to help you, Rey. <em>I </em>can see past mine and I can help you.” She said to Rey as she leaned closer.</p><p> </p><p>Rey bit at her lip. “Why would you want to help me?”</p><p> </p><p>Sindian’s red lips split into a smile. “Because you can help me.”</p><p> </p><p>“You are the galaxy’s hero, Rey. You stopped Emperor Palpatine from invading and reassuming power and you are an emblem of hope as the scion of a dying religion that the Republic is growing to revere once more. You have unimaginable influence right now. If you were to support a cause, the people would rally behind it. Which means that the senator representing those people would rally behind it too, if they want to keep their posts. The senators will do whatever it takes to remain in power.”</p><p> </p><p>Ah, so Poe was right. Rey’s influence was high and so her favor was in demand. The thought made her stomach churn. But if she could use that power she had to save Ben, it would be worth it, right?</p><p> </p><p>She didn’t even have to think.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Anything was worth saving Ben.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“How could you help me?” she asked finally.</p><p> </p><p>At this, Sindian hesitated. “Well…” she began before trailing off. “Seeing as he was the Supreme Leader of a hated regime, I couldn’t just have him released and pardoned. That would be the end of my career,” she laughed delicately.</p><p> </p><p>Rey decided in that moment she didn’t care much for Sindian’s laugh. It was too high. Too delicate. Too practiced and inorganic.</p><p> </p><p>“But I could get you placed as a witness in his defense. You would be able to tell the Senate what you told me today. With your influence, I believe that would be enough to convince the Senate to pass a less…harsh…judgment.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s stomach and heart sank. Of course Sindian wouldn’t be able to get him pardoned, but she was hoping for more than a role as a character witness.</p><p> </p><p>“Being a character witness won’t be enough. There has to something more you can do.”</p><p> </p><p>All pretense of friendliness on Sindian’s part disappeared in an instance. The older woman’s face hardened as she sat back, fingers drumming the carved arms of her new chair in agitation. “I am offering you help, Ms. Skywalker. Do not bite the hand that feeds you or else you will find that my offer can be easily rescinded.”</p><p> </p><p>“I will not risk my career for the man who essentially imprisoned the galaxy. But I am willing to assist you in your quest to save him in the ways that I can. And that happens to be through being a key character witness. It is more than your friends will ever offer you, of <em>that</em> I am sure.”</p><p> </p><p>“And what would you want from me, specifically, Madame Senator?” Rey asked, trying to hide all signs of the frustration that threatened to overwhelm her. She needed details. Something, anything to focus her mind on.</p><p> </p><p>Sindian blinked. “I want your support. I want your public endorsement of my position as First Senator and all future bills and proposals I deem worthy. I want you a part of my entourage and will require your presence at several events. Particularly for the upcoming Election Gala. You will be my personal guest. It will be our first public event of many together.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey stifled a groan. A gala? She honestly didn’t even really know what a gala was.</p><p> </p><p>Sindian continued, unperturbed by Rey’s expressions. “In essence, I want <em>you</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey scoffed, unable to help herself from it. “You want the Last Jedi, you mean.”</p><p> </p><p>Sindian was asking a lot. Even Rey, someone who knew next to nothing about politics could understand this.</p><p> </p><p>“I suppose if you must put it that way, yes. It is all the same to me.”</p><p> </p><p>Sindian’s demands would ruin Poe and Kaydel’s efforts to stave off her influence and remove her from office. According to them, Sindian was the opposite of what they hoped for in the early stages of the New Republic’s reestablished government—that her beliefs aligned too much on the radical side of things. They thought that she would lead the struggling Republic down another bad path.</p><p> </p><p>Could she agree to those terms if it meant completely derailing her friend’s efforts to right the New Republic’s trajectory? And Sindian was asking so much for so little in return. Being a witness in Ben’s trial would help, but it was not a sure thing. It might not be enough to sway the decisions of the judge and jury.</p><p> </p><p>But would anyone else help her? Finn wouldn’t. Poe wouldn’t either. They had both made it abundantly clear that she was alone in this.</p><p> </p><p>Sindian’s offer would, in all reality, be the only one she would receive. And she needed all the help she could get.</p><p> </p><p><em>I’m sorry Poe</em> Rey apologized internally. She felt guilty for choosing to accept Sindian’s offer. It was going to have serious repercussions. But if she wanted a chance at helping Ben, what other choice did she have?</p><p> </p><p>Rey bit her tongue, tasting the tang of blood as she made her final decision.</p><p> </p><p>The conflict swelled within her like one of the massive waves that crashed against the cliffs of Ahch-To.</p><p> </p><p>She knew that she should put the well-being of the galaxy before her own desires—knew that that was why the Jedi had fallen in the first place. Anakin’s selfish choices ensured their fall.</p><p> </p><p>But she was learning quickly that she was not a very good Jedi. She felt too passionately. She attached too quickly. She loved too fiercely.</p><p> </p><p>She loved Ben too much to let him go.</p><p> </p><p>And hadn’t she already given the galaxy everything she had? It was her turn to be selfish.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe after he was free, she would be able to right her wrongs. Maybe she could double-cross Carise Sindian when Ben was safely hidden away in a secluded corner of the galaxy. Maybe she could provide intelligence to her friends in the Populist faction to help them secretly? That way she could get the help she needed to save Ben and at the same time, remove a corrupt leader that threatened the well being of the New Republic.</p><p> </p><p>She would help them from the inside. She could keep them informed of Sindian’s plans and allow them time to take counter-measures. Once Ben was free, of course.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay,” she declared with finality, “You have yourself a deal, Madame Senator.”</p><p> </p><p>Carise Sindian’s lips split into a crimson grin. Rey got the impression of a lothcat cornering helpless prey. She felt sickened relief all at once. It made her dizzy.</p><p> </p><p>“Wonderful.”</p><p> </p><p>She pressed a button and the woman with the forest green hair that sat on Sindian’s other side re-entered the conference room, her honey colored eyes looking cooled of their natural warmth in the bluish light of the glow panels.</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, Maevus,” Sindian gestured for the woman to approach.</p><p> </p><p>“Ms. Skywalker is in need of your assistance. She has agreed to join our cause. Please have her taken to the guest suite on the 1350<sup>th</sup> floor at 500 Republica and have my rejects sent over for her. Get her styled. Tonight.”</p><p> </p><p>She eyed Rey closely before continuing, “She looks to be about my size…aside from the nonexistent bust and seems just a little taller. But that can be taken care of easily enough.”</p><p> </p><p>“Right away, Madame,” the woman called Maevus curtsied and then turned her attention to Rey. This time, she scrutinized Rey closely, making note of everything—filing it away for later use.</p><p> </p><p>What was going on?</p><p> </p><p>Rey hardly had time to process before Sindian dismissed her and the green haired woman led her away. And the next thing she knew, she was in a turbolift exiting the Rotunda accompanied by the cracking sound of heels and the sounds of an irritated person grumbling to themselves about fabrics and tools Rey had never heard of before.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>After a tragically short ride in an elegant airspeeder where Rey hardly got to see any more of Galactic City, Rey and the woman who had finally introduced herself as Kantarra Maevus, Carise Sindian’s personal assistant and stylist, arrived at a massive skyscraper.</p><p> </p><p>500 Republica was a building on such a grand scale that Rey could hardly comprehend it. It rose hundreds of meters into the sky and was enormous. There were at least fifty skydocks placed at regular intervals. Rey was reminded of steps moving up toward the sky as she took in the building, filled with bright glowing lights. It was breathtaking.</p><p> </p><p>The airspeeder docked at one of the top skydocks and Kantarra led Rey to a small, guarded turbolift, flashing a badge and inputting a series of numbers into a panel before the lift door opened. Kantarra looked expectantly back at Rey, who realized that she was being silently told to get her rear on the lift.</p><p> </p><p>Rey stifled the urge to be annoyed at the treatment and obliged, taking her sweet time to cross over the gap and settle in.</p><p> </p><p>The icy glint in the other woman’s eyes was completely worth it.</p><p> </p><p>They rode up hundreds of floors in silence before the turbolift finally opened again. More guards lined the hallway but Rey was led in through another set of doors and down a long hallway. There was only one security guard who stood by the massive transparisteel viewport at the end of the corridor and for that, Rey was relieved. She had expected many more.</p><p> </p><p>They stopped at a dark blastdoor that was unfortunately close to the guard and Kantarra began inputting more codes all the while rapidly turning to her and rattling off an insane amount of information.</p><p> </p><p>“First Senator Sindian has seen it fit to gift you with one of her guest suites for the time being. Any time you leave this area, you will be required to input passcodes to regain entry. The First Senator’s private skydock is dock fifty-three and the only way onto this floor is through that turbolift. I will grant you access to this suite and the public solar and <em>nothing else.</em> You will have access to all of the other amenities that residents and their guests are entitled to which includes hundreds of fitness floors, restaurants, the garden parks and terraces and the spas after the deal is official. It is your duty to uphold the reputation of Senator Sindian at all times. Do you understand me?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey blinked, trying to file away the word vomit just exploded at her by the intimidating woman. “Uh—yes. I think so.”</p><p> </p><p>Kantarra nodded. “Good. You may access the suite now. I’ll be back shortly with a slew of the First Senator’s rejected wardrobe choices and we’ll go from there. Try not to get too excited.”</p><p> </p><p>The blastdoor hissed open and Kantarra marched off, leaving Rey to gape at the interior of her <em>suite.</em></p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Oh boy. </p><p>So Rey has made a choice. Is it a good one? Well... she thinks so. Do I think so? Ehh, not really. But Rey is kinda crazy right now. She's a really smart lady but she's not thinking very rationally at the moment.</p><p>So anyway, sorry for the lack of Ben this chapter. It will be rectified next week. I: excited.</p><p> </p><p>Thank you for reading! Please leave kudos and comments if you enjoyed!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Too Much</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for your feedback and comments! I love getting them!</p><p>We've got about ten chapters left here until the end. Exciting!</p><p>I had a hard time with writing chapter 25 (but finished on Sunday) and 26-30 are going to be challenging to write, so I might not be updating weekly if we catch up to what I've have written. It's really important to me that the story works and that it makes narrative sense. So if that means that we go from weekly updates to bi-monthly or heaven forbid, monthly updates, I apologize, but I think that it would be worth it in the end.</p><p> </p><p>I hope that you enjoy! Please let me know what you think in the comments below.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>CHAPTER TWENTY: Too Much</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s feet woke up before her mind did. Before she registered that she moved inside, the blastdoors hissed shut behind her.</p><p> </p><p>To call this a suite would be degrading to its true nature. It was massive. She walked down the foyer, a <em>foyer</em> into the suite proper. There was a large, open living area complete with a fine dining nook that overlooked Galactic City, which was positively radiant in the dusky glow of early evening.</p><p>           </p><p>Everything was built using only the finest of materials. From the Wayland marble floors and countertops to the taboon hardwood wood dining table and chairs. The furniture was upholstered in a rich maroon in various fabrics that perfectly complimented the dark kriin wood side tables and the veins of gold that crossed within the marble. Lush sofas, plush arm chairs and even a chaise lounge filled the room.</p><p> </p><p>It was all so much.</p><p> </p><p>She made her way around the room, feeling the glossy curtains that hung to the sides of the massive viewports, trailing her fingers along shining wood surfaces and caressing the closest velvoid covered love seat. It’s fabric was a beautiful hue of maroon—more red than purple—and it made her seriously reconsider her preferred favorites of blue and green.</p><p>           </p><p>And then there was that amazingly plush looking area rug that she wanted to sink her feet into. Rey restrained herself from kicking off her worn boots to do so an instead, turned to notice the kitchen. She didn’t know the first thing about cooking, but seeing the sleek appliances, the marble island and countertops made her want to learn.</p><p> </p><p>Rey didn’t know that there were people that actually lived like this. How was such luxury possible when so many lived with next to nothing? There were trillions of beings in the galaxy and there was no chance that even one percent of them could live like this. The thought made her stomach turn in distaste.</p><p> </p><p>As quickly as the joy of being surrounded by such beauty appeared, it vanished, leaving her feeling sickened.</p><p> </p><p>So many people were suffering as she had and there were people who lived in places like this. How was that right? How was that fair?</p><p> </p><p>The warmth of the room vanished, leaving her chilled in its wake.</p><p> </p><p>A chime sounded at the blastdoor before it slid open, revealing Kantarra and some assisting droids. The droids appeared to be rolling several racks worth of clothing into the suite and the forest green haired woman was tapping away at a datapad, not bothering to even look at Rey as she strode into the living area.</p><p> </p><p>The droids proceeded past the living area and moved into a hallway where her room must be located. Kantarra walked behind them and the mess of racks and threw an annoyed, “Coming?” over her shoulder before forging ahead.</p><p> </p><p>Rey hesitated and then followed after them.</p><p> </p><p>Her room was just as grand as the front space of the suite, keeping with the beautiful maroon shades. There was a massive bed that looked far too inviting for her liking and a giant cathedral of a closet that branched off from an elegant looking refresher.</p><p> </p><p>The ‘fresher had a water shower and a tub in addition to a sonic. Rey’s jaw dropped at the thought of how much water this single room wasted. And even though the thought caused the former desert dweller inside major anxiety at the idea of such waste, she knew that she was going to indulge in a bath later.</p><p> </p><p>Kantarra Maevus stood in the giant closet brusquely instructing the droids where to put everything.</p><p> </p><p>The shelves were quickly filling with flowing gowns, tailored pantsuits, blouses, skirts, pants and horrifically high heels.</p><p> </p><p>From what she could see, there was not a single item that approximated the clothing she currently wore. No leggings, no boots—nothing.</p><p> </p><p>Rey stepped in and attracted the attention of Kantarra, whose honey eyes scanned her up and down once, twice and then, “Turn around for me. Slowly.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry, what?”</p><p> </p><p>Kantarra rolled her eyes and made a spinning motion for Rey, not asking again.</p><p> </p><p>Rey withheld a sigh and spun slowly for the older woman, eyeing her with distaste all the while. Kantarra pursed her lips disdainfully and not for the first time, Rey wondered how old she was. The severe woman looked to be about fifteen or so years older than Rey was, though perhaps she still underestimated her age. The rich tended to look young far longer than they had any right to.</p><p> </p><p>Kantarra’s tightly coiled hair bounced as she shook her head and grumbled to herself, “Terrible posture, hulking arms, hardly any breast tissue and flat footed to boot. Maker, this is going to kill me.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey scowled at the criticisms. She did not have terrible posture. And nothing was wrong with her arms. In fact, she was quite proud of them—they were strong and capable in combat. She worked very hard to attain the muscle she had after years and years of malnourishment.</p><p> </p><p>As for her breasts…well, she supposed that they a misfortune of her years of neglect. They could be larger of course, but up until a few weeks ago, it hadn’t mattered to her in the slightest.</p><p> </p><p>In fact, before then, she tried keeping them bound down and hidden so as to not attract unwanted attention at Niima Outpost during her scavenger days. The idea that breasts were something that others were attracted to made Rey distinctly uncomfortable. She was grateful for her lack of curves during those years because it meant that she was less of a target for the slave drivers that visited on occasion.</p><p> </p><p>Besides, Ben didn’t seem to mind their size—quite the opposite really, and though he hadn’t <em>actually</em> seen them, she wasn’t worried.</p><p> </p><p>And his opinion was the only one of importance in that matter anyway.</p><p> </p><p>“You know, if you’re going to insult me, you might as well say it directly to my face,” she couldn’t help but snipe back. Rey felt completely past her limit of dealing with people and was very close to showing it. She just wanted to be alone after everything that had happened today. Was that too much to ask for?</p><p> </p><p>Kantarra’s eyes snapped to hers and her expressionless face transformed into a sneer, accepting the challenge that Rey presented.</p><p> </p><p>“Fine. You have no curves, you slouch like some infirm, elderly man and you walk like a Wookiee.” She gestured dismissively at Rey. “You also seem to have absolutely no taste in what is currently fashionable which means that the First Senator is going to demand that I not only juggle all of my responsibilities with her, but that I also take time to make sure that you’re dressed and groomed properly so as not to embarrass her.”</p><p> </p><p>Her light honey eyes narrowed and she huffed, turning away and typing aggressively into the datapad. “I don’t have time for you, little scavenger girl.”</p><p> </p><p>The scavenger jab stung. She hated that the galaxy was learning about her origins. It wasn’t something that she wanted to be embarrassed over, but she was. People looked down on scavengers. To many, they weren’t much better than slaves. They were lowly. Meant to stay at the bottom of the socio-economic scale determined by the galaxy’s rich.</p><p> </p><p>Rather than let Kantarra Maevus see that she’d gotten under her skin, Rey kept her face impassive. “I’m a warrior, not a Lady. So clearly I’m not going to have the posture of one.”</p><p> </p><p>Kantarra snorted, “Clearly.” She moved to examine the clothing that hung within the closet now. “I’m going to try to piece together some ensembles for you now,” she said shortly. “You reek of space travel and you need to take a shower to get rid of all of the grease in your hair. A short one. I expect you back here in ten minutes. Spotlessly clean.”</p><p> </p><p>She started pulling a gray gown from the closest rod, “After that, I’m going to style you and tell you how you are expected to behave then you’re free to do what you will for the rest of the evening. I’ll have a datapad and a schedule sent over once the First Senator has decided how she’ll use you.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey stood there, aghast. “I’m sorry, you’re going to stay in here while I shower?” She crossed her arms protectively over her chest, uncomfortable with the prospect of a stranger working through clothes in view of the shower.</p><p> </p><p>A derisive snort, “Please, you don’t have anything I’m interested in, little girl.” Her dark green hair bounced as she dismissed Rey, who was getting increasingly frustrated with that infuriating gesture. Trying to keep her composure for the umpteenth time today, Rey spun and left the giant closet and stopped in front of the shower. There has to be some sort shading she could set.</p><p> </p><p>“Tick, tock!” the stylist yelled out from her section of the closet.</p><p> </p><p>Rey threw a dirty look over her shoulder and got in, fully clothed.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Fortunately for Rey, the shower was equipped with a shader, so she was able to shower in privacy. The fresh water felt amazing after weeks of salt and recycled water. But she wasn’t able to fully enjoy it as one of the droids kept calling out how much time she had left.</p><p> </p><p>Too soon, Rey was standing in the closet again, wrapped in a thin, soft robe that did absolutely nothing to keep her warm. Saava silk, Kantarra told her shortly. She shivered, wishing for something more substantial as her damp hair steadily dripped down her back.</p><p> </p><p>Kantarra had filled one of the mobile racks with a collection of ensembles and gowns and now had an almost sheer, cream-colored body suit held out toward Rey. The fabric was fitted down to her ankles and every inch was beaded and embellished. The neckline plunged down to her sternum, making Rey blush at the very idea of having such a revealing outfit hung on her frame. In Kantarra’s other hand, a matching cape completed the look.</p><p> </p><p>“You can’t be serious,” Rey dead-panned. “Why would I ever need to wear anything like that? People are going to be able to see straight down to my navel.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s called fashion, sweetie,” Kantarra responded condescendingly, shoving the suit into Rey’s hands. “You represent the First Senator now and as I’m sure you’ve noticed, she is impeccably dressed. You can’t go about Galactic City in the rags you came in. It would mortify her and risk her reputation.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey almost laughed. A bad move in fashion by Rey would certainly not do anything to risk the First Senator’s reputation. This woman was being ridiculous and more than a bit overdramatic.</p><p> </p><p>She pushed Rey toward the dressing partition and continued, “First Senator Sindian was very generous in giving you her latest round of wardrobe rejects. You should be grateful.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey snorted, “Right, I’m supposed to be grateful to essentially entering into indentured servitude to a politician I just met.”</p><p> </p><p>She gasped as she felt gold tipped talons dig painfully into her upper arm and jerked back to meet Kantarra’s cold expression. “Be careful, Jedi. First Senator Sindian is being incredibly kind and will not take well to your criticisms. Particularly after your…agreement.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey ripped her arm from the stylist’s grip, anger heating her blood. “I am aware of the agreement.” She stalked to the partition and dressed.</p><p> </p><p>The outfit was uncomfortably itchy, but other than that, Rey still felt mobile. She eyed the gowns surrounding her, suddenly grateful that Kantarra chose the body suit.</p><p> </p><p>The green haired woman circled her and made notes on her datapad at the same time, eyes taking in every detail. “Your chest is too small, as I suspected.” She typed in a few more notes. “Aside from that, the fit is surprisingly close. It is passable,” she sniffed.</p><p> </p><p>Rey rolled her eyes when she wasn’t looking and fought the urge to stick out her tongue too.</p><p> </p><p>Kantarra continued, oblivious to Rey’s annoyance. “Now, as a member of the First Senator’s retinue, you are expected to uphold her high standards. You may only express opinions as previously approved by Carise Sindian. You may only provide statements publicly that have gone through her office for approval. If you are unsure of what to say, say nothing. You will go where she pleases and speak to whomever she pleases. You will lobby her causes on her behalf with other senators as directed. And as previously discussed, you are expected to dress according to the First Senator’s standards.”</p><p> </p><p>“As for hair and makeup, I leave that to these two,” she gestured to the two droids. “Your itinerary and datapad will arrive sometime tomorrow morning,” she repeated. “Once they’re finished with you, you’re free for the evening. There is food stocked in the kitchen or you can order from one of the restaurants within Republica 500 to have it delivered.”</p><p> </p><p>She began walking but paused as if she remembered something, “Oh and I’ll be having a seamstress sent over soon for measurements. We need to style you for the First Senator’s Election Gala. As her personal guest, you must look perfect. I will not allow her to be embarrassed by some dirtball dwelling, backwater child.”</p><p> </p><p>And without another word or backward glance, she left the room and suite.</p><p> </p><p>Rey blinked, astounded at her new duties and responsibilities. Her stomach twisted anxiously.</p><p> </p><p>The droid’s began bustling about Rey and drew her attention back to the present. Without Kantarra’s presence, Rey felt like she could relax and breathed in deeply, willing her taut limbs to ease up.</p><p> </p><p>Droids were oftentimes better company than people. Perhaps they could help and put her at ease. Or at the very least, distract her for a time.</p><p> </p><p>“What are your names?” she asked in hopes of a kinder conversation as one of them set to drying her hair while the other lined up a mildly threatening array of tools, tubes, palettes and jars.</p><p> </p><p>Both droids seemed surprised to have been addressed at all. Their photoreceptors met in surprise while their mechanical hands continued to work.</p><p> </p><p>The one combing through her hair answered first in a surprised, masculine leaning voice. “I am PT-93.”</p><p> </p><p>And the one coming at her with a smallish brush and some liquid that appeared to match her skin said, “I am KD-47.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey smiled, trying to ignore the brush and goo coming closer to her. “My name is Rey. It’s nice to meet you both.”</p><p> </p><p>They hummed noncommittally and continued on with their work silently. But Rey wasn’t finished yet. “May I ask, what exactly is that stuff?” She was eyeing the vial of skin-toned liquid with no small amount of discomfort.</p><p> </p><p>If droids could gasp, she was sure that KD-47 would have.</p><p> </p><p>“Ms. Skywalker, are you familiar with makeup?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt her head being tugged back as PT-93 started brushing her hair with a spherical brush. “Uh…no, not really.”</p><p> </p><p>She knew that Kaydel and several of the other female resistance members mourned not having access to it and that it was something many beings enjoyed putting on.</p><p> </p><p>And with a blush, she remembered the time where she found a mysterious tube of black goo en route to the <em>Supremacy</em> that Chewie told her human females painted on to their eyelashes to make them appear longer. She told herself at the time she’d swiped it on because she was curious about how it worked. But now she could admit that she’d put it on because she was going to see Ben.</p><p> </p><p>“This is called liquid foundation. I scanned your complexion to formulate the perfect, full coverage blend as instructed by Mistress Kantarra to obscure the sun damage on your face.” She came at Rey with the dipped brush but Rey dodged and earned a sound of protest from the droid behind her.</p><p> </p><p>“Cover my <em>sun damage</em>? You mean my freckles?” Rey shook her head quickly, “I don’t want to cover those.” She liked them. She thought that they brought character to her face.</p><p> </p><p>KD-47’s processors hummed for a moment as she worked through Rey’s reaction. “Yes. I was instructed by Mistress Kantarra to cover them with this particular foundation. I must do as she asks.” She approached again and began buffing the viscous liquid onto Rey’s face, making her skin feel heavy and wet.</p><p> </p><p>KD continued, “Perhaps you can ask the mistress to permit me to use one with less coverage next time. Aside from the skin damage, which my processors tell me are currently found desirable by other humans, your complexion is flawless and does not require such intense coverage.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey would do just that. She was not comfortable with the fact that it felt like something had been pasted onto her face. It was suffocating. And it was making her feel slightly claustrophobic.</p><p> </p><p>KD-47 and PT-93 made quick work of her hair and makeup.</p><p> </p><p>Aside from the heavy foundation and plum lips which both fascinated and abhorred Rey simultaneously, KD kept the rest of the makeup light. She <em>mostly</em> looked like herself and for that, she was grateful. The brief glances at other beings that utilized makeup in Galactic City informed her that it could have easily been much worse. She could have ended up with shockingly blue eyelids and green lips.</p><p> </p><p>PT had also kept her hair simple. With that cylindrical brush, he had dried out her waves and transformed them into sleek sheets of hair. She half wished that he had left it down, but he pulled it tightly back into a slicked ponytail that swished with every slight movement of her head.</p><p> </p><p>It really could have been worse. Still, she was happy to see them leave. Rey followed them out and then made sure to engage the lock in the blastdoor so that she could finally have privacy to process everything. But that privacy didn’t last.</p><p> </p><p>“Looks like you’ve made quite the mess of things,” a wry voice called out down the hall.</p><p> </p><p>Master Luke Skywalker was leaning against one of the marble countertops, his soft blue glow lighting the gold-flecked surface.</p><p> </p><p>Rey chewed her lip as she approached, feeling guilty and slightly defensive. “I suppose I have…”</p><p> </p><p>His piercing eyes cut right through her, his face set in a disapproving expression.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey…” he warned, “This is not the Jedi way.”</p><p> </p><p>The guilt amplified but was cut through with anger and forgotten for the moment.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t you think I know that?” she snapped, looking away from her former master. “I know that a <em>true</em> Jedi would never put their own desires above the good of the galaxy.”</p><p> </p><p>And she did understand. She knew that she had a responsibility to put aside her own wishes and serve the people of the New Republic. But right now, that meant leaving Ben to fate in court. Instead, Rey chose to wrap herself up in a contract with a politician who certainly did not have the New Republic’s best interests at heart in order to save him from that fate.</p><p> </p><p>The thing was, Rey knew what she was doing right now was wrong.</p><p> </p><p>She knew that it was wrong to put one person’s life above the good of the galaxy. But it was Ben’s life. And she couldn’t just let it go. Couldn't let him go.</p><p> </p><p>Her head ached in tandem with her chest while guilt steadily ate away at her.</p><p> </p><p>Rey stared down at the glossy floor a few feet ahead of her to avoid the disappointed gaze of Luke Skywalker. “I know that I’m being selfish. I know that I shouldn’t be doing this—that my duty is to serve the Republic like the old Jedi. Like <em>you</em> did.”</p><p> </p><p>She looked up and earnestly met Luke’s blue eyes, “But I lost Ben before and it was slowly killing me.” She shifted her jaw and looked away. “Somehow I got him back and I <em>cannot</em> bear the thought of losing him again. So I will do whatever it takes to make sure that I don’t.”</p><p> </p><p>“And after all I’ve done, don’t I deserve to be a little bit selfish right now?”</p><p> </p><p>Luke exhaled slowly; as though that was the answer he expected but hoped he wouldn’t hear.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey…you know as well as I do that it doesn’t always work out that way.” He sighed.</p><p> </p><p>“Be mindful of the path you are on now. The path you’ve chosen to walk is dangerous. It could ruin you. And it could potentially kill the New Republic, weakened as it is. You <em>need</em> to be thinking about the galaxy as a whole in addition to your own desires. And if need be, you need to be willing to place the good of the galaxy above what you want.”</p><p> </p><p>The guilt compounded and pressed on her more. She shook her head in denial, arguing back, “I’m not cut out to be a Jedi. I care too much. And I can’t let him go. Not when I just got him back.”</p><p> </p><p>“My father was just like you once,” her former master replied quietly. “He loved deeply and it led to his downfall.”</p><p> </p><p>Luke hesitated, as if testing out what he was going to say before actually coming out with it, “But it also brought him back…”</p><p> </p><p>“Who am I to say anything though,” Luke half chuckled though his expression was melancholy. “You speak of duty, but I ultimately failed in mine. I just need you to remember the delicate balance you walk between Light and Dark, Rey. I can’t tell you for certain what the right thing to do is here.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey remained quiet and Luke saw that as permission to continue.</p><p> </p><p>“I understand why this might be hard for you. I get it. You love my nephew. He loves you. Just weigh the repercussions carefully and really think. Is this the only way? Is siding with Sindian the only way you can save him?”</p><p> </p><p>Her hands clenched into fists, feeling the overwhelming sense to scream. It was too much. Everything was just too much.</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t. I can’t do this right now, Luke.”</p><p> </p><p>She needed him to leave. She couldn’t think about how she might have missed a different way. She couldn’t think about how wrong it was that she accepted Sindian’s help. She couldn't deal with any of it while it was still so fresh. It had hardly been six hours since Ben was taken from her.</p><p> </p><p>Thankfully for once, Luke seemed to understand that. Without a word, he faded away, leaving Rey feeling absolutely gutted with guilt. Any signs of an appetite faded with his warning.</p><p> </p><p>He was right. She was on a dangerous path. She had chosen herself over Ben’s desires and over her friends and their budding government and placed herself in dangerous territory.</p><p> </p><p>But if she could save Ben, it was worth it. Right? He could learn to see her side of things and would forgive her. And she could make it up to her friends when everything settled.</p><p> </p><p>Her teeth ground against each other, willing her mind to be at peace. She couldn’t think about this right now. She shoved the thoughts from her head and set to finding something to eat.</p><p> </p><p>She wanted to get out of the sequined body suit she had been forced into. She had abandoned the cape on the floor and kicked the heels off in the foyer. Was she going to be expected to wear those from now on? That would definitely be a problem going forward.</p><p> </p><p>Rey stepped into the kitchen area and took a moment to marvel at the opulence before she shut it off. She managed to find some dehydrated meals and chose one at random, not wanting to eat, but knowing that she was absolutely starving despite the lack of appetite.</p><p> </p><p>After a moment, she located the rehydrator and soon had a hot, sloppy looking meal that looked entirely out of place sitting on the Wayland marble island bar before her.</p><p> </p><p>A sharp pang cut through her heart as she looked at the meal. It reminded her of the dozens of meals she had shared with Ben over the past weeks.</p><p> </p><p>Was he okay? Would she be allowed to go see him? Honestly, it didn’t matter what anyone else told her, she was going to find him tomorrow. First thing tomorrow she was going to the Courts of Justice and demand to be taken to him.</p><p> </p><p>She—</p><p> </p><p>Everything went quiet around her and she felt the Force around her being pulled taut like an elastic. Her heart rate spiked and she spun on the stool she perched on.</p><p> </p><p>Ben sat on the closest velvoid couch, elbows braced on his knees and head in his hands. Based on his posture, he seemed to be exhausted.</p><p> </p><p>His signature in the Force felt diminished, but she still felt haggard lines of mental and physical weariness. He gave no indication of being aware of her presence. Rey stepped to the ground and started slowly approaching him.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s head sprang up with wide eyes and he looked…awful. There were the beginnings of two black eyes and the skin surrounding his left brow was puffy and split. Dried blood streaked his face, painting it a rusty red.</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s hands covered her gasp. “What have they done to you?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben grimaced as he straightened, “What do you mean, what have they done to me? They welcomed me into the fold.” He huffed a broken laugh that quickly devolved into coughing.</p><p> </p><p>Rey may have joked about killing earlier, but now she seriously considered going after the guards who did this to Ben. Her fingers twitched with the urge to tear into something. “They shouldn’t be allowed to do this to you. It’s wrong. Immoral!”</p><p> </p><p>The injured man seated before her shifted and braced his chest, now trying to hide his grimaces of pain. “It’s nothing more than I deserve,” he scoffed.</p><p> </p><p>“Plus, I’ve had much worse from Snoke. This was child’s play.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s attempted at calming her only ignited her temper further. How could he say stuff like that? “You don’t deserve any of that,” she snapped.</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t!” she emphasized when he gave her a long-suffering look.</p><p> </p><p>“They shouldn’t be allowed to treat you like this, Ben.”</p><p> </p><p>“Rey…” he sighed, looking tired. He scooted over and made room for her to sit next to him and as if drawn to him like a magnet, she padded over and sat down.</p><p> </p><p>The moment her leg brushed his, it was as if every negative emotion vanished, leaving only relief to see him there with her. Her shoulder’s drooped and Rey all but fell into Ben’s open arms.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve been so worried about you, Ben,” her voice cracked as she hid her face in his black sweater. “I know I told you to leave when we were connected earlier, but stars, I’ve been so worried that they might have killed you while I was distracted.”</p><p> </p><p>“Shh, it’s fine. I’m okay, I’m okay.” Ben soothed his massive hands up and down Rey’s back. She cursed the sequins yet again when she realized that they were impeding the warmth and delicate sensation that normally accompanied the familiar action.</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s hands stilled after a moment and he pulled back to take her in. He must have noticed the foreign sensation of her wretched outfit. “Maybe I should be asking what happened to <em>you</em> in the last six hours since we’ve seen each other,” he tried chuckling lightly but it fell flat.</p><p> </p><p>They stared at each other for a quiet moment. Rey longed to reach out and stroke his face. She held still though, and watched him, searching for any idea of what might be going on inside his mind. His shields were still up, which Rey thought was odd.</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s eyes were wide and quickly darkening as he took in every inch of her. They caught on the low cut of her bodice and his lips parted.</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, Rey felt a distinct longing from his side of the bond as he lowered his shields. Rey’s heart raced and she bit at her bottom lip softly as her breathing quickened into short bursts.</p><p> </p><p>Rey could feel herself blushing but she knew that there would be no indication of it thanks to the thick makeup covering her face. His eyes drifted upward from her chest to her dark lips and his head started dipping down.</p><p> </p><p>Rey pulled back, eyes half lidded, intoxicated by the gleam in his eyes. “I don’t know if you want this all over your face,” she gestured to her plum colored lips and drew her brows together.</p><p> </p><p>Ben paused and really looked down at her lips as though he was just noticing the rich color and smirked after a beat, “I don’t think it matters too much.”</p><p> </p><p>His breath mingled with hers briefly, heating the air between them before he started to close the distance between their lips.</p><p> </p><p>He attacked her mouth with such fervor that Rey could hardly believe it. It was just like the kiss they had shared before he was taken from her. Like a drowning man breaking the water’s surface starved for air. Her senses were filled with him, warm and intoxicating, the tang of blood and sweat mingled with his heady musk.</p><p> </p><p>After what seemed like an eternity of separation, he was with her again through the Force and Rey felt whole. Every part of her sang with the feel of him against her body. Nerves came to life under his touch.</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s tongue flicked out and traced her tender lips, urging them to open for him. A deep-throated groan reverberated from his chest and Rey’s lips parted, granting him access to the depths of her.</p><p> </p><p>Her fingers threaded into the silky black mass of Ben’s hair and tugged him closer. All thought, all reason left her as their mouths crashed together over and over again. She urged him closer, needing to feel him against her. The familiar hunger awoke within her once more, now a roaring inferno igniting need and desperation within her.</p><p> </p><p>She could feel Ben’s heart pounding erratically against hers as he pushed her toward the cushions. She was all too willing to oblige and soon, he was above her, chasing her lips with his heated ones. Time vanished around them and all Rey knew was Ben. Everything was Ben.</p><p> </p><p>He broke away for a moment, pressing searing, open-mouthed kisses down her throat and to her chest.</p><p> </p><p>She gasped, eyes flying open, when he pressed a nipping kiss to the inner side of her breast and tingling heat pooled in her core, tightening it. She whimpered, not wanting him to stop what he was doing.</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t stop, instead growing bolder, more intense as he registered her breathless response to him. His hand moved to her breasts, gently kneading them with his fingers and Rey almost melted from the feel of it. Ben’s lips went back to hers, stifling the breathy moan that was escaping her.</p><p> </p><p>He shifted and suddenly, Rey could feel <em>him </em>against her. A longing excitement built in her chest. She had been waiting for this for so long. Waited for him to be ready.</p><p> </p><p>And finally, he was.</p><p> </p><p>She smiled against his plush lips, her hands digging into the broad muscles of his back. He was here and he was ready.</p><p> </p><p>Except, he wasn’t really here, was he?</p><p> </p><p>He was in a cell some kilometers away and she was in a sickeningly opulent mansion suite.</p><p> </p><p>And then, reality crashed back down on her like a crushing waterfall. They couldn’t do this to themselves. Not today, not like this. Not when he was determined to get himself executed by the New Republic.</p><p> </p><p>Not after Master Skywalker’s accusations of her selfishness.</p><p> </p><p>The burning need that had commandeered her mind flickered out and she pulled back and tried to get Ben’s attention.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben,” she murmured, her brain muddled, “Ben. We can’t. Not like this.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben pulled away in a daze, eyes clouded in confused longing. “What?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey pushed against his chest and he sat up breathing heavily. She followed and put a little space between them. She needed space so that she didn’t immediately jump his bones again.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t think our first time should be through a Force connection...” she explained, trying to calm her own rapid breathing, trying to cool the burning need.</p><p> </p><p>Instantly, Ben’s eyes cleared as it dawned on him what they had been so close to doing.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh…” he trailed, “right, of course.” He looked down, clearly thinking something he didn’t want to share. But Rey could assume well enough what it was.</p><p> </p><p>He was thinking that they might not have another chance to do this again. That they might not even see each other again before he dies, let alone see each other privately in this manner. Rey’s heart ached at the thought.</p><p> </p><p>She was going to get him out of this mess and then they would have all the opportunity in the world.</p><p> </p><p>Ben straightened and cleared his throat, “So, what happened to you? How did you end up looking so…” he gestured, addressing an earlier topic.</p><p> </p><p>“Cosmopolitan?” she finished dryly.</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, Rey was struck with a disheartening thought. What if his extreme reaction to her just now was due to her ‘improved’ appearance? He’d been around beautiful, cultured women his entire life and surely beautiful women surrounded him all the time while he was with the First Order.</p><p> </p><p>Was this what he liked? What if her natural state just hadn’t been enough?</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s expression blanched and he paled, as if he’d heard the whole thing. Which clearly, he had because Rey realized that she had projected that entire thought spiral to him.</p><p> </p><p>Again, she was thankful for the heavy-duty foundation that hid her blush from him.</p><p> </p><p>Lightning quick, Ben grasped her hands and pulled her close to him, his eyes earnestly seeking hers out.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey, that is the furthest from the truth you could possibly get.” He reached and tucked a fallen tendril of sleek hair behind her ear tenderly. “You are absolutely beautiful bare faced and you’re beautiful now. I would think that no matter what.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s heart lifted at his confession and she squeezed his hands back. “Thank you, Ben.” Their hands dropped into Ben’s lap, still entwined as she thought about how to best answer his question.</p><p> </p><p>“As for why I look like this, well… Let’s just say that I was deemed an embarrassment and have been given a ghastly amount of clothing and droids to make sure that I leave my suite looking presentable from now on.”</p><p> </p><p>“Suite?” Ben squinted, as though focusing and then his hands released hers, brushing against the maroon velvoid as though he could actually feel it and then he gasped. He could see her surroundings. “Rey how did you get into a place like this? Did your friends put you up? Where are you? This has got to be in one of the most affluent buildings in the Federal District.”</p><p> </p><p>He turned to her and noted the sour scowl she wore. “Poe and Finn had nothing to do with my accommodations. In fact, I don’t even know if we're friends anymore."</p><p> </p><p>And that was the sad truth. She really didn’t know if she had friends anymore. Poe and Finn seemed so upset—so disgusted. And she hadn’t heard from them since she’d been moved to Sindian’s giant apartments. It had only been a few hours, but still. She thought that they would have reached out by now if they wanted to.</p><p> </p><p>Rey just knew she couldn’t talk with Ben about it. It was too painful. Not when their relationship was the cause of her friendships ending.</p><p> </p><p>“And as for where I am,” she gestured weakly around her, “I’ve been given a suite at 500 Republica.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben released a low whistle, still appraising the room. “Woah. Just as extravagant as I’ve always imagined.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey blinked, surprised. “You mean you’ve never been here before?”</p><p> </p><p>“No. I never really needed to go to Coruscant with the First Order. We weren’t welcome. And once we were, well…” he trailed off, looking to the distance. “I was preoccupied with something else.” His whiskey eyes met hers with a trace of amusement and she flushed.</p><p> </p><p>“The few times that I did go was with my parents and they always stayed in hotels.”</p><p> </p><p>“I see,” she replied. It made sense. Coruscant hadn’t been the seat of the government after the fall of the Empire, so why would Leia need to go there?</p><p> </p><p>Ben nodded absentmindedly, gazing away again. But then he straightened and took her in. “So what happened after I left your…mind?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey chewed on her lip anxiously, really not wanting to talk about it. “I told them what happened with us. And they freaked out. A lot. They are absolutely livid with me. But they have very good reason to be upset…”</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s face darkened fractionally but he said nothing. But Rey could feel the storm cloud that surrounded him, his energy growing tempestuous.</p><p> </p><p>“And what happened to you? You look like you’ve been through hell.” It was an attempt to change the subject that Rey thought might work.</p><p> </p><p>She was wrong.</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s eyes snapped up and his mouth pulled sharply down. “Oh no, we’re not finished talking about you yet. I could feel your emotions suffocating you from the time I ended to connection until about an hour ago.”</p><p> </p><p>Regardless of the attempt to change topics, Rey needed to know why Ben looked so terrible. She wouldn’t budge.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben,” she groused archly with a raised brow as if to challenge him.</p><p> </p><p>He scowled a bit, relenting. “What does it look like? I’ve been beaten and thrown in a cell. <em>And</em> losing my mind over whether you’ve been okay or not,” he eyed her in frustration.</p><p> </p><p>“Have they fed you? Has anyone been to see you yet? Interrogated you?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben huffed a bitter laugh. “No. I don’t think my comfort is high on their priorities and they already know who I am, so its not like they need to interrogate me. Everyone already knows what I’ve done.”</p><p> </p><p>He sighed and sagged against the cushion before glancing up at her. “No one has come through yet, Rey. Don’t worry.”</p><p> </p><p>“Please don’t say anything stupid, Ben. I think I’ve found you a way out. I think we can get out of this mess.”</p><p> </p><p>And just like that, Ben’s scowl darkened into a glare, though now he directed it down that the plush rug beneath their feet. “I don’t want to get out of this mess. Why can’t you just accept that?”</p><p> </p><p>Because she wasn’t going to let it happen, she wanted to say. Instead she tried something else. “You can’t mean that. You’re in a dark place right now, but you’ll see. You don’t actually want to die.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben sprung up from his seated position, all corded muscle and fire. “No, Rey. You don’t get it.”</p><p> </p><p>He was angry but there was also desperation, a pleading to his tone. “I <em>do</em> mean it. I’ve done too much evil to be allowed to live. I’ve destroyed so much and I am <em>tired</em>. I’m tired of the guilt, the regret, the hate—all of it. I just want it to stop. And I can make it stop by making reparations that will be most impactful to the citizens of the galaxy. I can give them my life.”</p><p> </p><p>It felt like a vice was squeezing her chest and heart so tightly that she couldn’t breathe. She was in denial. He couldn’t, <em>couldn’t</em> mean that. If she could only just get him to see…</p><p> </p><p>Ben shook his head. “No. There’s nothing for me to see. This is the path I’ve chosen and I’m glad for it.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey blinked hard and felt hot tears cut down her cheeks. “I refuse to believe that. I’m not giving up.”</p><p> </p><p>He sighed sadly. “It would be easier for both of us if you did…”</p><p> </p><p>Her teeth cut into her cheeks in frustration, in anger—almost drawing blood. “Well I think my odds are rather good seeing as I have the help of the First Senator in this matter.” Let him think on <em>that.</em></p><p> </p><p>Apparently he didn’t need to think on it for long. His jaw dropped in shock and fury ignited across his face, animating the expressions hotly. “You <em>what</em>?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben spun around and glowered down at her as she stared boldly up at him. “Carise Sindian is helping you? The Centrist faction leader that you were brought in to help depose—the woman who almost single handedly destroyed my mother’s senatorial career—has offered you help in getting me, the Supreme Leader of the First Order off of death row?”</p><p> </p><p>He barked out a harsh, disbelieving laugh and his fingers tore through his mussed hair. “What in the seven hells are you thinking, Rey?”</p><p> </p><p>He took a halting step forward, stopped and turned away to process. Seconds later, he threw his arms out sharply as he whipped to face her, “You actually think that <em>Carise Sindian</em> is going to help you get me out of this?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben shook his head in furious disbelief. “I can’t believe how naïve you are being right now, Rey. Truly. You’re smarter than that.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey sprang up and glared, thoroughly offended. “I’m naïve? I told you I would do whatever it took for me to save you from this and she offered her help. Poe and Finn as good as refused to help me and based on your current physical state, I clearly don’t have much time to fish around for help in other places before you’re beaten to death in your cell! What else was I supposed to do?”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re supposed to let me die!” Ben burst out, eyes flaming and breathing heavy.</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s knees felt weak and she dropped back to the cushion beneath her, stunned at the outburst. Why was he saying this? Why was he so insistent on this?</p><p> </p><p>Then softly, Ben continued. “You’re supposed to let me go, Rey. And realize that this is what I want…”</p><p> </p><p>Rey shook her head vigorously; feeling tears fly free from her lashes. “No. I can’t do that, Ben. I just got you back. How do you expect me to survive losing you again?”</p><p> </p><p>He watched her with a sad smile, “You’re the strongest person I know, sweetheart. You’ll be fine. I have to believe that you’re going to be okay.”</p><p> </p><p>The vice on her chest tightened. She wouldn’t be okay. Could he not see that?</p><p> </p><p>“You’re wrong. And that’s why Sindian is going to help me. So that I can get you out of that cell and help you see that you’re life is worth living.”</p><p> </p><p>He ignored her for a moment as he started to pace and Rey thought that maybe she had gotten through to him.</p><p> </p><p>Again, she was wrong.</p><p> </p><p>Ben stilled suddenly, the sadness driven from him, replaced by heated intensity. The room was silent save for the whirring of various appliances and devices.</p><p> </p><p>“And what exactly did she ask for in exchange for her <em>help, </em>Rey?”</p><p> </p><p>He stepped closer, invading her space at an unnatural speed and Rey had to fight the gasp that threatened to burst from her. “Because I know for a fact that a politician as self serving as Carise Sindian would never offer assistance for something that would so much as threaten to knick her career without getting something huge in return.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s blood turned to ice at his words and Ben’s face twisted in anguish, as though asking was physically hurting him. “What did you offer her?”</p><p> </p><p>She had to look away—couldn’t look into his eyes, anywhere but his eyes. Her stomach felt weighed down with dread as she thought about what her situation was now…about how much damage she was doing to the cause and to her friends by getting this much needed assistance.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey.” Ben’s broken voice was punctuated with a quiet plea.</p><p> </p><p>She inhaled sharply and then met his amber eyes. “In exchange for her aid, I have sworn to endorse and support her and all future campaigns, proposals and actions. I am to join her retinue.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben looked like he had been slapped. He closed his eyes slowly and his fists tightened. He staggered back and sunk slowly into the sofa opposite her as he looked away yet again. She could feel his disappointment, his distress, his…heartbreak?</p><p> </p><p>It’s quiet for so long that Rey thinks that Ben won’t say anything else. She took a tentative step forward but stopped as he curled in on himself.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben?”</p><p> </p><p>His shoulders were shaking. Rey couldn’t see his expression through his hair as he looked down to the ground, elbows braced on his knees, just as he’d been when he arrived.</p><p> </p><p>“She’s going to control you for the rest of your life. Everything you do now will have to be in accordance to her wishes, her <em>whims</em>. You won’t have freedom anymore…” Ben finally said, voice shaking as he stared at the thick rug below him.</p><p> </p><p>Then he looked up, eyes glistening in tears and horror.</p><p> </p><p>“You’ve made yourself a slave.”</p><p> </p><p>She hadn’t realized that before.</p><p> </p><p>Those quiet, heavy words pierced Rey more than she wanted them to. But he was right. By making those promises to Carise Sindian, she <em>was</em> tying herself to her. With the contract, who could say that it wouldn’t be a permanent thing? And though she believed the cost worth it—hurting her friends, hurting the cause she gave everything to and now, losing her freedom—the way Ben put it woke a primal fear deep within.</p><p> </p><p>She was a slave now. A slave that lived in a massive suite in 500 Republica and had beautiful things surrounding her, but a slave all the same.</p><p> </p><p>Rey dipped her head in acceptance, trying to hide the fear that flooded her with her fully realized cage. “I know the price, Ben,” she lied.</p><p> </p><p>“I know that I’ve set back Poe and Kaydel’s plans. I know that I’m essentially Sindian’s property now. But so long as you end up free, I don’t care what happens to me.”</p><p> </p><p><em>Maybe you could get me out of this mess</em>, the foolishly hopeful part of her wished quietly. <em>And we’ll be even and free and then we can live amongst the stars like we want to.</em></p><p> </p><p>“And if you fail?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s eyes squeezed shut. “I refuse to think about that.”</p><p> </p><p>She heard him sigh. “Rey…”</p><p> </p><p>“No, Ben. I can’t.” She stepped toward him again and this time he didn’t shrink away. “Just, please stop. I know you don’t agree with what I’m doing—I don’t agree with what you’re doing. But I can’t talk about this with you. I just need to be with you right now.”</p><p> </p><p>The sofa sank beneath her weight and she could feel the heat of him radiating next to her. “I just need you to hold me. Will you?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben stayed tense for too many heartbeats before he gave a slight, jerky nod and opened his arms to her. She fell into them at once and his hands pulled her tight against his chest.</p><p> </p><p>They held each other in silence. There was so much unsaid. So much that needed to be aired out between them and she knew that eventually it would. Or at least she had to have hope that it would.</p><p> </p><p>Rey could feel the deep reservoir of Ben’s heartache and anger over her choices to enlist Sindian’s help. And Rey knew that her reservoir ran just as deep over his choice to forfeit his life.</p><p> </p><p>But at the moment, enough had been said.</p><p> </p><p>Now they clung to each other as if it might be the last time. And in all reality it could be. She didn’t know how fast the New Republic would want to move in the trial. She imagined that it would be swift.</p><p> </p><p>Ben pulled away, eyes still masking their true feelings even as he opened his mouth to say something.</p><p> </p><p>And then he was gone.</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s arms collapsed against her chest as they registered the sudden nothingness that once was Ben Solo.</p><p> </p><p>As the sound returned, so did her tears. Only now they were in earnest and were accompanied by tearing, howling sobs as Rey processed her new reality.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Well, Rey has some things to think about. Reality is beginning to hit and soon we'll see how that changes things for her. </p><p>Here is what I imagined as I wrote about her outfit.</p><p>https://www.pinterest.com/pin/800022321295079732/</p><p>Next chapter we will deal with Ben's side of the aftermath. I'm excited to get you guys into his head again. It's been too long.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Unexpected Visits</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Man, I can't believe we're finally up to chapter 21. Like really, it baffles me that I've written this much of a story. So thanks to all who have stuck with me so far! And thank you to the new readers! I love getting your feedback. Comments seriously make my day and I can't tell you how much it motivates an author to write more when they get feedback. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you!</p><p>I wanted to give everyone a heads up that I will not be posting an update next week because I'm heading to my homestate with my husband and son for a family wedding. My youngest sister is getting married and I'm also finally going to get to meet my other sister's baby. We're going to be super cautious and diligent with exposure while we travel, but I'm still terrified to travel at all right now... But what can you do?</p><p>Update on where I'm at story-wise: I am about twenty-one pages into chapter 26 and it's no where near finished. The series of chapters 25-30 have proven to be a lot more difficult to write because they are the climax and resolution, so I'm thinking that each chapter is going to take around three weeks to write. Hopefully not any more than that. But I'm already two weeks into writing chapter 26 and I'm still not done. </p><p>Unfortunately, that means that I'm going to end up catching myself with posting and updates will slow down.</p><p> </p><p>Thanks everyone!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE: Unexpected Visits</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s hands closed on empty air as their connection ended, leaving him feeling bereft at the loss of Rey. He could smell her even now, though she was several clicks away. Desert jasmine and sunshine mixed with newer, artificial scents. Scents that reminded him of what she had done.</p><p>           </p><p>His stomach roiled with nausea as he recalled Rey’s confession. She had accepted Carise Sindian’s help to prevent his execution in exchange for her loyalty. And to Sindian, Ben knew that meant Rey’s freedom. His head spun as he tried to process the information, making him feel dizzy and light headed.</p><p> </p><p>How could she do something so foolish?</p><p> </p><p>He felt panicked—even terrified for her and his agitation manifested in restless pacing in the small cell he’d been given. She had no idea what she had gotten herself into; Ben knew that for a fact. Rey was not a particularly good liar. At least not when it came to him. She didn’t understand political intricacies. She didn’t understand that some things were not worth trading favors for—that those who sought in desperation were manipulated and taken advantage of.</p><p> </p><p>So of course Rey—innocent and inexperienced—had wrapped herself up with the most despicable, manipulative politician currently around.</p><p> </p><p>It should not surprise him that the woman who tried to see the best in everyone, including him somehow, would trust Carise Sindian to help her. And in all honesty, it didn’t surprise him. But it wasn’t an easy pill to swallow regardless.</p><p> </p><p>Rey had unimaginable influence as the Jedi that defeated Palpatine, influence that had the potential to finally put the New Republic on track.</p><p> </p><p>Or, he began to comprehend with dread pitting his stomach, influence to revert the New Republic to an authoritarian state, as he understood that was what the Centrist faction wanted.</p><p> </p><p>Once he joined the First Order officially, he’d learned through Hux’s gloating that many politicians that sided with the Centrists were, in fact, secret supporters of the old Empire and by virtue supporters of the First Order. They had been a secret society within the faction that was teeming with First Order spies and allies, manipulating and orchestrating plots that would weaken the New Republic. And Ben had a sneaking suspicion that Carise Sindian could be counted among those ranks.</p><p> </p><p>He also had a sneaking suspicion that most of the politicians who had favor with the First Order were not on Hosnian Prime when Starkiller struck. Which would mean that there was already an imbalance of power when it came to the Centrists versus the Populists.</p><p> </p><p>The Centrists could not be allowed to remain in control of the fledgling government. If they did, it would be inevitable that another dictatorship would soon wrap its grasp around the galaxy. Especially if those loyal to the First Order were able to reconnect with the remains of the defunct war machine.</p><p> </p><p>Ben had to stop Rey from damaging the foundations of the re-established government. He would have to wait and see if Dameron or her deserter friend, FN-2187 deigned him worthy of a visit. And if they came, he would tell them what Rey had gotten herself into. And he would pray that they could get her out of it.</p><p> </p><p>So what if it made Rey hate him? He told himself that he didn’t care so long as she ended up happy in the long run. He was going to do everything in his power to make sure that she could live a full and happy life.</p><p> </p><p>And involving her friends to thwart her terrible plan was the only way he could guarantee that she couldn’t go through with it, then he was going to involve them. He grimaced at the thought of forming a tenuous alliance with the Resistance pilot and the traitor.</p><p> </p><p>He could forget his self-hatred for a short time if it would save Rey.</p><p> </p><p>This was going to be interesting.</p><p> </p><p>With a plan formulated to its infancy, Ben felt like he could allow himself to relax just a tiny bit. He sank into the scratchy, tiny cot and closed his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Someone clanged a baton loudly against the durasteel frame of his force-fielded cell to get his attention.</p><p> </p><p>Ben groaned and cracked an eye open. “What?” he called out in aggravation. He had been so close to getting some sleep.</p><p> </p><p>One of the guards, a stern looking Chagrian, was staring in with a hard look in his eyes. His black forked tongue flicked out in irritation. “You have a visitor,” he announced shortly and then stepped away.</p><p> </p><p>Ben bit down on a retort and heaved himself up into a sitting position, noting with surprise that the pain seemed to have muted significantly.</p><p> </p><p>Rey. She must have healed him a bit during their most recent connection. Wait—that can’t be right. They could heal each other through their bond? Ben prodded experimentally at his cracked ribs and felt his jaw drop.</p><p> </p><p>She hadn’t healed him entirely, but she had done something.</p><p> </p><p>Amazing.</p><p> </p><p>He marveled at their bond. Was there nothing they couldn’t do through it?</p><p> </p><p>His thoughts were cut short as his ears picked up on the crisp cracking sound of heels on hard flooring. The person’s strides were evenly paced and gave the impression of someone very sure of them selves. He had a pretty good idea of who his visitor might be.</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s face twisted into a scowl before he took in a calming breath and schooled his expression into an even one of blank indifference. And not a moment too soon, he thought as his anticipated visitor stepped into view of his cell door.</p><p> </p><p>Carise Sindian, the snake who was manipulating Rey for her own machinations stood before him. He wished that he still had his lightsaber so that he could run her through and keep her away from Rey.</p><p> </p><p>A noticeable shadow must have crossed his face. Intrigued, he glanced down and saw that Sindian’s hands were forced into open palms at her side. Then he observed the stiffness in her shoulders and noted that she was trying to force an air of indifference and non-concern as well. Her face was imperiously blank, as though she was trying to force an air on non-concern. He almost smirked. She was mightily uncomfortable here, facing him head on.</p><p> </p><p>His reputation clearly still preceded him.</p><p> </p><p>Sindian watched him for a moment and he stared coolly back, waiting for her to break the silence.</p><p> </p><p>It lengthened until Carise Sindian finally drew herself up with square shoulders and elegantly lifted an eyebrow, taking in Ben’s haggard appearance. “I see you’ve been thoroughly welcomed, Supreme Leader.”</p><p> </p><p>“Former—” Ben cut back with a small nod. “And yes, you’ll have to thank your guards for welcoming me so…warmly.”</p><p> </p><p>Sindian’s lips curved into a sneering grin. “Yes, I suppose it is former. It’s a shame…” she trailed off, “I heard you cut quite the imposing figure as the leader of the First Order.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben barely contained the snort. He had been a terrible Supreme Leader. He was too occupied with other things to properly lead and had delegated most of his responsibilities to others. “You heard wrong.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why are you here?” He didn’t want anything to do with her presence.</p><p> </p><p>Sindian straightened at the doorway and brushed out imaginary wrinkles. “I wanted to see you chained up for myself. I have heard so much about you over the past seven years. Your famous temper, your intimidating appearance… Call it intrigue.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, so you wanted to come see the monster himself?”</p><p> </p><p>Another delicate lift of a cultivated brow, “Yes. And I must say, he disappoints.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben smiled humorlessly.</p><p> </p><p>“Why are you really here, Sindian? I would have imagined that you would be busy sabotaging the careers of other politicians. It’s something I’ve heard you’re very good at.”</p><p> </p><p>She smirked, understanding the implications of Ben’s taunt. “I assassinated the career that was vital to my plans. Seven years ago, in fact.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben scoffed though an old anger heated him. At least she was owning up to it. At least the woman who had ruined his mother’s livelihood could admit to it. Still, he had to know why.</p><p> </p><p>“And what purpose did that serve? Leia Organa was a good person. An excellent senator who only wanted to better the galaxy and bring peace to as many systems as possible.”</p><p> </p><p>The sleek haired senator before him seemed unimpressed. “Leia Organa was a relic of the past who lacked vision. She did not deserve to hold a place of influence any more.”</p><p> </p><p>Sindian crossed her arms and examined her nails idly, “As to the purpose, I imagine it served the same that caused your fall into Darkness.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben froze. His fall served to further the machinations of the First Order. Was she implying that she served the Order too?</p><p> </p><p>She changed the subject before he could question her further. “I also came to see what it is about you that has caused the famed Last Jedi to so desperately beg for anyone to help her in preventing your well deserved death.”</p><p> </p><p>She looked him up and down, disdain dripping from her expression, “<em>You</em>. Her enemy.”</p><p> </p><p>Why indeed.</p><p> </p><p>Ben didn’t have an answer for her. He still didn’t understand why Rey cared for him as much as she did. His mind repeatedly told her that he didn’t deserve her love. And he knew that he hadn’t earned it with their volatile history. All he knew was that she did. Even though it went against all reason, all comprehension.</p><p> </p><p>Right now, he wished that she didn’t. Because now she was throwing her life away for him. And to Ben, that was absolutely unacceptable.</p><p> </p><p>Ben bristled, “I don’t know why she does anything. She does as she pleases. She’s Rey.”</p><p> </p><p>His perfect, fierce, brave, compassionate Rey.</p><p> </p><p>Sindian hummed. “Rey Skywalker is madly in love with you, Kylo Ren. And thanks to that ill placed love, she’s going to be a great asset of mine. She’s asked for my help and of course I’ll help her,” She smirked, white teeth flashing. “For a price.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben felt that rage he’d calmed earlier ignite again. He itched to choke the life from her at the mention of using Rey for her political gain.</p><p> </p><p>He was so angry that he all but ignored the mention of Rey’s new chosen name. Something he knew he’d have to think about later on.</p><p> </p><p>“Leave her out of this,” he growled, standing up forcefully from his cot. “I don’t care what happens to me. Don’t you dare touch her.”</p><p> </p><p>Sindian tinkled a little laugh, “Oh but my dear Supreme Leader, I could never pass up a chance to own her influence. She’s going to help shape the New Republic the way it should have been shaped after the fall of the Empire. Besides, I have already promised to help her. And help her I will.”</p><p> </p><p>Her dark lips twisted, “Though you and I both know that anything I do will of course, not be enough to save you.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben was at the energy field before he knew it, fists slamming into it, but not giving. “Don’t you dare! You leave Rey out of this.”</p><p> </p><p>He knew that it didn’t matter what Rey did to save him, he was done for. But to hear Sindian say that and acknowledge that she was going to use Rey up anyway made him snap.</p><p> </p><p>Though Sindian had stepped back in fear, she quickly recuperated and planted herself in front of him once more. “Temper, temper, Supreme Leader,” she tisked as she watched him with her glittering eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“I think I’ve seen enough.” The despicable First Senator rose a hand sharply to indicate she was done and strode off, her heels clicking firmly away.</p><p> </p><p>Ben screamed as he pounded against the energy field once more and then rounded on his cell, filled with the urge to destroy.</p><p> </p><p>In a few moments, the cot is bent in half, lying on its side as far from its spot as he could get it.</p><p> </p><p>He’d already known that Sindian was using Rey. But to have her come here to gloat over it? Well, he couldn’t handle that.</p><p> </p><p>He knew now what he had to do.</p><p> </p><p>For a time, he would put off the desperate need to end the pain so that he could get Rey out from under the First Senator.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Rey awoke the next morning on the sofa she’d cried herself to sleep on with a crick in her neck and stinging eyes to the sound of chiming, alerting her to the presence of someone waiting at her door. With a pained groan, she rolled herself off of the velvoid couch and shuffled to the blastdoor, eyeing her untouched meal with equal amounts of disgust and ravenous hunger.</p><p> </p><p>As she tried to work out the kink in her neck, she glanced out the massive viewports. The city seemed dim, as if dawn had only just broken and was still early in the process of lighting the skyline.</p><p> </p><p>One look at the chronometer on her wrist told her that it was barely past 06:00 standard time.</p><p> </p><p>Who in their right mind would be coming to visit this early?</p><p> </p><p>The door chimed again as she reached it and she almost didn’t answer it out of pettiness. Whoever was asking for access was certainly being pushy and she was in no mood for visitors right now.</p><p> </p><p>It must be Kantarra Maevus, Sindian’s assistant bringing her the promised datapad and her itinerary. Or maybe she was bringing her the expected speech she was to give later today to announce her endorsement and alliance to Sindian. Either way, she relished in making Maevus wait.</p><p> </p><p>So she took her sweet time in punching in the commands to unlock and open the blastdoor to admit her unwanted visitor.</p><p> </p><p>When the door finally flew open, Rey gasped.</p><p> </p><p>Rose Tico stood with fingers extended to poke at the control panel once more with an aloof Poe Dameron standing a few paces behind.</p><p> </p><p>The short engineer was far more chipper looking than she had any right to be at the moment.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey!” she shouted with glee and bounded forward to encase Rey in her arms.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my gosh I’ve missed you so much!” Then she shoved Rey away and took in her appearance, “You look fabulous! What’s the occasion?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s eyes bounced back and forth between the stoic general and the perky engineer that accompanied him, confused. “No occasion. I forgot to change out of it last night,” she replied absentmindedly.</p><p> </p><p>“Uh, what are you guys doing here?” she asked with a slight edge.</p><p> </p><p>Not that she was upset to see them. Well…maybe she was rather upset with Poe, who seemed like he would rather be anywhere else but here. But she’d missed Rose and was equal parts relieved and annoyed to see her.</p><p> </p><p>Rose’s smile dropped a bit at the gruff question and stepped back, hands wringing together. “Well…I, uh, heard about what happened yesterday and I was absolutely furious with this one,” she jerked her thumb at Poe, “and Finn.”</p><p> </p><p>“So I decided that first thing in the morning I was going to drag them both here so that we could talk with you and try to smooth things over.”</p><p> </p><p>What Rey didn’t understand was why Rose <em>had</em> to do it now. It was so early. But then again, the engineer turned lieutenant turned—what exactly did Rose do now?—operated in strange ways.</p><p> </p><p>“Where is Finn?”</p><p> </p><p>Rose’s expression went bleak for a brief moment, “He’s not really cooperating right now. But I’ll get through to him.” She shifted her weight around anxiously, as if waiting for something.</p><p> </p><p>So Finn was still clearly livid with her. It made her wonder how Rose managed to get Poe over here. Although thinking back, Poe hadn’t been as obviously pissed as Finn had been.</p><p> </p><p>Rey supposed she needed to invite them in. Normally she would be ecstatic to see Rose but under the current circumstances, she just wanted to be alone. And she really didn’t want to be around Poe right now. She sighed and dragged her hand on her face, eyeing the residue of black and skin color that came off on her hand. Oh. Right. She still had a full face of makeup on. She must look like a total clown right now.</p><p> </p><p>“Would you like to come in for some caf?” she asked with a gesture into the suite.</p><p> </p><p>Rose bounded through as she answered, “We’d love to! Wouldn’t we, Poe?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey eyed Poe as he passed her and stopped herself from tripping him up.</p><p> </p><p>Asshole.</p><p> </p><p>She trudged back into the suite to the sounds of Rose ‘ooh-ing and awe-ing’ at the interior of her apartment, touching the fine fabrics and hardwood surfaces with glee.</p><p> </p><p>“Stars, Rey! How did you score a place like this?” Rose asked as she examined the Wayland marble counters, fingers tracing the gold veins.</p><p> </p><p>Poe regarded her suspiciously, “Yeah, Rey. How did you end up in one of Sindian’s guest suites?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey played her nerves off by shrugging and searching for the caf maker. “Sindian offered and I accepted.”</p><p> </p><p>Poe’s eyes narrowed but he didn’t say anything.</p><p> </p><p>Rose on the other hand, seemed slightly crestfallen.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh…” She straightened up and looked at Rey. “Well how long do you think you might stay here for? I was hoping that you might move in with Kay and I. We decided to stick together as roommates and we were granted an apartment close to the Rotunda and there’s plenty of room for you there—one room for each of us. We were hoping you’d want to be roommates with us too…”</p><p> </p><p>Unexpected warmth bloomed in her chest over Rose’s kindness. Rose and Kaydel wanted her to room with them? They were making an effort to help Rey feel accepted, even after Poe had surely told them all about her time with Ben. It gave her hope to know that some of her friends could still accept her even if Finn and Poe couldn’t. But then again, Poe was here and Finn was not. So perhaps she hadn’t lost Poe after all.</p><p> </p><p>Then Rey remembered her deal with Sindian and the warmth disappeared. As soon as Rose knew what Rey was doing, that kindness and the offer would disappear, so it was best not to seem too touched.</p><p> </p><p>So she gave a small smile instead, “I’m really not sure how long I’ll be expected to stay here, Rose. But thank you anyway. It’s a very kind offer.”</p><p> </p><p>Rose smiled, attempting to hide her disappointment. “Well if you change your mind, we’d love for you to move in. It would be so fun to have the three of us close together again.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey busied herself with starting a pot of caf and her guests made themselves at home along the island, Rose still taking in the décor and Poe sitting with a tense expression. He <em>definitely</em> did not want to be here.</p><p> </p><p>“So Rey, how are you doing?” Rose asked as Rey started pouring mugs full of caf. Rey hesitated, having not expected the deceivingly harmless question.</p><p> </p><p>She pushed the mugs toward them and then leaned against the countertop, taking a small sip. She grimaced, wishing that she had creamer or something to cut the caf’s bitterness.</p><p> </p><p>“I, uh…I don’t know how to answer that, Rose.”</p><p> </p><p>Rose nodded, seeming to accept the answer. She tried again. “Well I mean, I know that you’re not okay with…Kylo Ren…in a cell and all. But I just wanted to know how you’re dealing with it.”</p><p> </p><p>She looked like she had something sour in her mouth as she’d said Ben’s old name and Rey had to force herself to stay calm. She had to remind herself that they didn’t know Ben like she did. They didn’t know the man who’d fought and struggled his way back to the Light. To them, he was still Kylo Ren.</p><p> </p><p>It was kind enough that Rose was even asking about how Rey was handling all of this despite the fact that Ben had been her enemy. But honestly, she really didn’t want to talk about it.</p><p> </p><p>She shot a cautious look toward Poe, who held the mug of steaming caf with both hands untouched.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m…not okay. And I don’t feel like talking about it right now, Rose. I’m sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>“I understand. It’s okay.” She took a small sip of her own and set the mug down.</p><p> </p><p>Rose then nudged Poe who just glared at her. “Poe has something he’d like to say to you, Rey.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, I really don’t.” he said with annoyance as he busied himself with his caf.</p><p> </p><p>“Poe!” she hissed back, glaring daggers at the general.</p><p> </p><p>He rolled his eyes and sighed. “Fine. Rey, I wanted to apologize to you for…yesterday. Not the arresting Kylo Ren part. I meant every bit of that—ow!” he broke off to glare at Rose again when she elbowed him. “But, uh, we shouldn’t have treated you the way we did in that conference room. Even though we absolutely do not agree with you or condone your decisions right now. But still, we’re sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>It seemed slightly rehearsed—like something Rose made Poe practice on the way over. It didn’t exactly make Rey feel inclined to accept the apology. Especially after what transpired between them yesterday.</p><p> </p><p>Poe seemed to realize this and became noticeably more genuine—but also defensive.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey, come on. You dropped a massive bomb on us yesterday. How did you expect us to react? Did you honestly think we would actually be cool with the idea of you and Kylo Ren <em>together?</em> Did you think we’d welcome him with open arms? After everything he’s done to us? Come on, I know you aren’t that naïve.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey bristled. “Of course I didn’t expect you to be accepting of the idea, Poe. You don’t know him outside of the mask. But I do. I trust him. And I expected you to <em>trust me!</em>”</p><p> </p><p>She could feel the frustrated anger of yesterday begin to bubble up again and clenched the mug tightly in her fists.</p><p> </p><p>Poe stood up, “You’d given us no reason to for the past couple of months, Rey! You haven’t been yourself at all. And then after weeks with you MIA, you show up with none other than Kylo-kriffing-Ren on his murdered father’s ship! How the hell did you think we would react? Three weeks gone, two with no comms and you arrive in the capitol with the <em>leader</em> of an enemy organization. And then you <em>freaked out</em> when he was arrested!”</p><p> </p><p>He was jabbing his finger at her, yelling with wide eyes and mussed hair. “Let me ask again! What did you expect?”</p><p> </p><p>She slammed her mug hard on the marble counter, shattering it. Rose flinched as the dark liquid splashed. “I expected you to help me when I asked!”</p><p> </p><p>“Instead, Finn stormed off and you said nothing…” she whispered, her voice breaking more than once.</p><p> </p><p>Poe’s hand dropped to his side as though it weighed kilograms more than it should. “Yeah, well. That was just too much.”</p><p> </p><p>Rose intervened with a very pointed look toward Poe. “I think what he means is, they didn’t have time to process everything, Rey. After everything Ren has put us through, that was a huge and unexpected ask.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey redirected her glare at Rose. “Yeah? Well in case you haven’t noticed, Ben’s due for a trial any day and I don’t have time for my supposed best friends to <em>process things</em> if I’m going to save him. If I didn’t get help, his death was going to be all but certain.”</p><p> </p><p>She laughed hollowly, hating the sound of it coming from her as she glared at her pilot friend. “But you don’t have to worry, Poe. I’ve managed to find help on my own.”</p><p> </p><p>Poe’s dark eyes shot up to meet hers. “What do you mean, you’ve found help?” Then his eyes widened and took in the room, connecting the dots. He paled.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey, what have you done?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey drew herself up, steeling her spine. “Saving Ben is my top priority right now. You refused to help me. And…Carise Sindian offered.”</p><p> </p><p>Her friend’s faces went from white to red and then white again. “What?” Poe bit out, his face darkening to puce as he regained his color once more.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey, she’s the enemy!” gasped Rose, one hand clapping over her lips.</p><p> </p><p>Guilt pooled in her gut, but she felt like she had to defend her choice. “Yes. I know she is. But saving Ben comes first. And I’m going to do whatever it takes to get him out of this alive.”</p><p> </p><p>Rose shook her head, a few tendrils shaking with her. “This doesn’t sound like you. After everything we’ve been through you’re just going to turn your back on us? On our cause?”</p><p> </p><p>The guilt became an ocean. She didn’t want to turn against them. She loved them and she loved what they stood for. But she just got Ben back and she wouldn’t—she <em>couldn’t</em> lose him again. She wouldn’t survive it.</p><p> </p><p>“You turned your back on me first.”</p><p> </p><p>“Unbelievable!” Poe shouted, his composure fully shattered. “Carise Sindian wants to establish an authoritarian-style government—the type of government that the Empire and the First Order radicalized, the type of government that Leia denounced and fought against her entire career and the type of government that we want to stay as far away from as possible—and because of a pair of pretty eyes and broad shoulders, you’re just going to throw it all away? Because she offered to help you get your genocidal, maniac lover off of death row?”</p><p> </p><p>He was pacing the room, pausing to gesture and shove his finger toward her. “You realize that she’s only doing this so that she can get you under her thumb, right? She’s going to use you to destroy us. She is going to destroy the New Republic and we’ll end up right where we started seven years ago.” He looked absolutely disgusted with her. And Rose sat by, looking horrified.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t want to help her, Poe!” Rey shouted back, tears feeling inevitable. “I don’t! But when you turned your back on me, I felt like I had nowhere else to go! I don’t want to help her—I don’t want to endorse her because I think she is wretched and I believe in your cause. But I have to save Ben. I <em>have </em>to.”</p><p> </p><p>Poe scoffed. “You know what? I can’t. I can’t do this with her right now.” He shook his head and looked to Rose, eyes afire. “I’m out.” And without another word, he stormed off.</p><p> </p><p>Rose glanced helplessly back and forth between Poe and Rey and with an apology she followed Poe out of the suite.</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s breathing was rapid and uneven at the outburst. It was just like when Finn had left—Poe had left just like Finn. And Rose followed.</p><p> </p><p>Rey couldn’t take it. Her friends really had abandoned her.</p><p> </p><p>Before she knew it, she was on the floor, sobbing.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Poe!” Rose called out as the blastdoor shut behind them. Poe was speeding off nearly at a run and Rose had to pump her legs hard to catch up. “Poe! Stop!”</p><p> </p><p>As if Poe was just registering that someone was calling out for him, he slowed and then turned, looking extremely annoyed.</p><p> </p><p><em>Kriff</em>, Rose swore internally. She hated when people got mad at her.</p><p> </p><p>“I did what you asked, Rose. I went and I tried to apologize but she makes it so <em>damn</em> hard. She’s ruining everything for someone who tried to kill Finn! For someone who tortured me and tried to wipe us out for over a year. I can’t. I can’t be around her right now.” Poe looked completely distraught. He was tearing his hands through hair that now contained tiny streaks of silver. A testament of the immense stress they’d all been under the past two months.</p><p> </p><p>Trying to track down and eradicate the remaining First Order strong holds and re-establishing a destroyed government was taking a massive toll on Poe. On all of them really—but especially Poe Dameron, who had inherited Leia’s Organa mantle as the old general had wished.</p><p> </p><p>Rose couldn’t help but feel for him. He was trying to keep a failing government together and had expected Rey to help him. They’d all expected Rey’s help. No one could have known that she would arrive on Coruscant with Kylo Ren in tow. No one had expected her to ask for help in preventing his certain execution. And no one had expected her to turn to their political rival for help when she felt that her friends wouldn’t help her.</p><p> </p><p>Rose was still reeling from the shock of it all. In all honesty, she felt absolutely ill over the mere idea of Rey in love with a monster like Kylo Ren. But she had to look past that right now. She had do ignore the feelings betrayal and disappointment she felt regarding Rey because they had bigger problems right now. Problems that directly affected the future of their galaxy. Ren was irrelevant right now. He’d been defeated. They were slowly hunting down the remainder of the First Order and washing away the damage it had done to the systems.</p><p> </p><p>But Sindian? Her sycophants and followers had the potential to ruin everything before it even had the chance to get off the ground.</p><p> </p><p>All she had to do was think about what Paige would have done in this situation. Paige would have tried to keep things together by staying calm and working through the issue one piece at a time. So that was what Rose tried to do. First, she needed to talk Poe down.</p><p> </p><p>Rose held her hands out in a disarming way, similar to what she’d seen Poe do countless times when he had upset Leia or D’acy. “Hey, I get it. I almost didn’t believe you when you told us about what happened yesterday with her. But you heard her, Poe.”</p><p> </p><p>She took a step closer as Poe narrowed his eyes, “Rey doesn’t want to help Sindian. She’s only with her because she felt that she had nowhere else to go. Sindian preyed on that and if we can just put our own emotions and prejudices aside for <em>one moment</em>, I think we can get Rey back on our side.”</p><p> </p><p>His brows drew together skeptically, “And how do you suppose we do that?”</p><p> </p><p>“What does Rey want more than anything in the world right now?”</p><p> </p><p>Poe’s jaw slackened as his dark brown eyes went wide as dinner plates. “Oh no. No. We’re not helping her get her psychotic, death-dealing overlord boyfriend off of death row.”</p><p> </p><p>Exasperated, Rose stepped forward again, sighing heavily. “Poe. It’s what she wants. It’s why she’s accepted Sindian’s deal, whatever that may be. If we can get Ren’s sentence reduced to exile from the New Republic, Rey wouldn’t help Sindian. You know it and I know it.”</p><p> </p><p>The young general just scowled, but not at her. He was upset with the entire situation. And to be honest, she was too. <em>Why did you have to go and fall for him of all people, Rey?</em></p><p> </p><p>But they needed her on their side. If they didn’t have Rey with them—if Sindian had Rey on her side, it was all over for them. Any chance of establishing an actual good government would fly out the window. So she tried again.</p><p> </p><p>“Think about it this way, Poe,” she started, “What is more important right now? Ensuring that our new government starts the way out that it should or executing a prisoner of war just to send a message?”</p><p> </p><p>He scoffed, “Oh I dunno, Rose. When that prisoner is the Supreme Leader, I’d say his execution ranks pretty high on our priority list.”</p><p> </p><p>Shoot, he was right. <em>Think, think, Rose</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, but as far as everyone else knows, Ren died on the <em>Steadfast</em> during the battle of Exegol. And if Sindian uses Rey the way you and I suspect she will, then we’re in a hell of a lot more trouble than we would be if a defector of the First Order who goes by the name of Ben Solo was exiled instead of executed. Or if we can’t get away with saying Ren is dead, then we really make a big his defection at a crucial point in the war?”</p><p> </p><p>“You really believe that? You really believe that Ren defected from the First Order and died saving Rey?”</p><p> </p><p>Rose didn’t know too much of what happened, just the gist of it, but she had to believe that Rey wouldn’t be fighting so hard for Ren’s life if he hadn’t truly changed and that needed to be said.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, Poe, I think he did. Why else would Rey want him to live?”</p><p> </p><p>Poe exhaled heavily, dragging a heavy hand down his face. “Okay. Okay. You’re right, of course.”</p><p> </p><p>Then he groaned, “Am I really going to try to safe Kylo kriffing Ren? What the hell is wrong with me?”</p><p> </p><p>He collected himself and turned, then started marching toward the turbolift once more. “I’ve got somewhere to go then. I’ll be back here as soon as I can. Stay with Rey and keep anyone Sindian related far away. Don’t let her leave either. Keep her busy until I get back.”</p><p> </p><p>Rose couldn’t contain the relief that threatened to escape. She felt her tense shoulders relax as a tight breath released itself from her lungs. “Yes sir, General Dameron!” Her lips quirked up and he cracked an amused smile back, though his eyes were still dark with distress.</p><p> </p><p>With a nod, he got onto the lift and left Rose in the grand hallway. She turned and headed back to Rey’s suite.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Aww Rose, you perfect little cinnamon roll, thanks for seeing what matters most. </p><p>And yay Ben! He's had his first breakthrough. Now we need Rey to have hers. And it is coming, I promise.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Progress</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm back! </p><p>With a new chapter.</p><p>Let me know what you think in the comments! And if you enjoy the story and haven't already, please bestow your precious kudos :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO: Progress</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Rey knelt on the cold marble floor, attempting to steady her uneven breathing. She knew that her choices would alienate her friends. But she hadn’t cared. None of that mattered when the idea of her future contained her and Ben Solo living out their lives hidden away in the far reaches of the galaxy. Together and in peace. It was selfish and very much unlike her, but she felt so consumed by the reality that Ben was alive and with her, that she just hadn’t cared about her friends feelings over the matter. They had been systems away, after all.</p><p> </p><p>Now, though, in the aftermath of all that had happened in the last several days, Rey was made aware of just how much she needed her friends.</p><p> </p><p>But now they were gone. Her three closest friends had walked out of her life when she needed them the most. She was partly to blame, of course. And the man she’d chosen to love was partly to blame too. She would never resent him for it. She couldn’t even really resent them for not being able to see past their fear of him. But it still hurt. She needed them and they rejected her.</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s head ached fiercely now. She pressed her thumbs into her eyes in an effort to relieve the pressure. It alleviated it enough to the point where she felt like she could function, so she stood and set to cleaning up the shattered mug left on the marble island.</p><p> </p><p>The blastdoor opened and Rey whirled around, nearly dropping the ceramic pieces.</p><p> </p><p>“Rose?”</p><p> </p><p>Rose stepped past the corner of the foyer, double buns bouncing on the sides of her head. She smiled bashfully and gave a little wave.</p><p> </p><p>“You came back?” Rey choked, overcome with a fresh wave of tears.</p><p> </p><p>Rose rushed over to Rey, wrapping her up in a warm hug. “Of course I came back! You’re one of my best friends.”</p><p> </p><p>“I just thought—you and Poe left so suddenly— And I thought because of Ben…” Rey was blubbering, blackened tears staining the sequined jumpsuit. But she didn’t care. Her friend hadn’t abandoned her after all!</p><p> </p><p>Rose’s expression softened, “Oh, sweetie, I’m so sorry. I wasn’t leaving, I promise! I had a few choice words for Poe, that’s all. He’s going to come back too, he wanted me to tell you that.”</p><p> </p><p>She chafed her hand along Rey’s shoulders, restoring some lost warmth. “And Rey? Just because I vehemently disagree with your choices in men doesn’t mean that I’m just going to stop being your friend. Okay?” Rey kept her eyes averted while tears still leaked from her eyes as an almost unwilling guffaw escaped at the lighthearted framing of Rose’s feelings in regards to her relationship with Ben.</p><p> </p><p>Rose positioned herself in front of Rey and somehow forced her to peer down and meet the smaller woman’s eyes. Rey was struggling to comprehend the kindness emanating from her friend. She was so sure that she’d driven her friends away.</p><p> </p><p>But here Rose stood, with promises that not only was she there, but Poe would come back too.</p><p> </p><p>Her thoughts turned to her relationship with Ben. Was it too much to hope that maybe they could accept it? Rey didn’t know. She didn’t want to hope for it, but she couldn’t help but keep an ember of that warm emotion hidden away in a corner of her heart.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re not going to lose any of us. And that includes Finn. We all need to adjust to the idea of you and…Ben,” again it seemed a very difficult word to choke out for Rose and Rey appreciated the effort she put into saying his given name and not his chosen name. The ember burnt a little brighter.</p><p> </p><p>“I mean… It isn’t an easy thing for us to be okay with, you know? He’s been our enemy for so long and it just got worse when he became the Supreme Leader. He tried to kill us so many times.” Her eyes widened as Rey nodded sadly and looked away, feeling that ember die out a bit.</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, sorry. Let me try to explain better.” Rose shut her eyes for a second, thinking. “What I’m trying to say is, you sorta dropped a big surprise bomb on us all. And it’s going to take a while to process. So just be patient with us? While we try to understand the how and the whys of this whole situation.” She reached out and grabbed Rey’s hand. “I’d like to think that overall, we’re pretty decent people. We’ll be your friends no matter what. Even if it doesn’t seem like it right now.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey sniffed and wiped indelicately at her face. “Thanks, Rose. You honestly have no idea how much it all means to me. That you came back—that you somehow managed to convince Poe to come back… Thank you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course.” Rose’s eyes examined Rey intently, like a mother looking over a child who had a propensity for messes. “Before we get into more, and we are going to because I need to know everything—I think that you should go shower in the ‘fresher. You sorta look like one of those masked loth-cats? You know the ones with the black all over their eyes?”</p><p> </p><p>Her hands flew to her face and touched at the area below her lower lash line, as she pulled it away to examine the mess, she was more than a little shocked to see it come back blackened. “Oh. Oh, wow. I must look a frightful mess.”</p><p> </p><p>Rose laughed, “It wasn’t too bad when we first got here. But the crying definitely made it worse. Go get cleaned up and after, we can talk and maybe get some food in us? I don’t know about you, but I didn’t eat before Poe and I came over.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey nodded, grateful. “Thanks Rose. That would be lovely.” Then she hesitated, “I’m actually not too sure if there is anything to be had here. All I found yesterday were some old, dehydrated meal packs…”</p><p> </p><p>Rose waved her off. “I’ll figure something out. Now go! You’re starting to scare me with those freaky eyes!”</p><p> </p><p>She huffed and then shuffled off to her quarters, the sounds of Rose opening and shutting all of the drawers bringing a cacophonous warmth to the otherwise sterile, silent place.</p><p> </p><p>Less than fifteen minutes later, Rey was sitting at the table overlooking the city-scape with Rose, eating delicious panna cakes with zoochberries and carbo-syrup from a place that Rose said they all frequented now. A re-opened, apparently galaxy famous place called Dex’s Diner. Rey officially had never tasted something so delicious in her life. The rations the Resistance provided were steps above what she grew up on, but this? Oh stars, she loved this. She honestly didn’t think she could ever get used to eating like this on the daily. Which was apparently, this was the norm for them as Rose mentioned that they frequented the place several times a week.</p><p> </p><p>“If you like the panna-cakes this much, you have to try Dex’s iktotch toast with the poptree syrup. Old Dex might not approve of the mix, but it is so good! Oh! And add the zoochberries as a topping with whipped moof cream. Now <em>that</em> is amazing!”</p><p> </p><p>Rey nodded enthusiastically through a massive bite of the griddlecake, almost dribbling syrup onto her blouse.</p><p> </p><p>Sindian hadn’t sent much in the way of casual wear, but luckily Rey had been able to scrounge up a few pairs of well-tailored pants and several tops that she deemed appropriate for her version of daily wear. Right now, she was wearing a silky cream looking blouse with a pair of fitted, maroon slacks that made Rey feel that they had been tailor made for her. She was trying extra hard not to ruin her clothes with the sticky breakfast she was wolfing down.</p><p> </p><p>Rose smiled and nodded in a way that only Rose could, enthusiastic, gentle and above all, genuine as she watched Rey tear through her food. She tried not to let it bother her when people watched her with that same expression. She knew that they only meant well, but still. She didn’t love being watched over as if those observing were heartbroken over the fact that she’d never eaten something like this or that before.</p><p> </p><p>She tried to slow her chewing and tamp down the enthusiasm she’d employed as she ate.</p><p> </p><p>“We love you, Rey,” she stated without preamble a few moments later.</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s chewing slowed and then stopped altogether. She swallowed thickly. Looks like they were about to have the conversation about Ben now. Trepidation trickled down her spine as she set down her fork and dabbed her mouth with a napkin slowly. She eyed Rose warily as she pushed the plate away.</p><p> </p><p>Rose continued, ignoring Rey’s expression and tense posture. “Please, don’t worry about Poe and Finn. They’re going to come around. It’ll take some time, but they trust you, even if they are acting like they don’t. And we may not like it, maybe not ever, but if you trust him…if you really trust that Ben has changed his ways, then once we’ve had time to process, maybe, just maybe…we’ll all be able to tolerate it? Or maybe even one day be able to accept it. But I don’t want to promise you anything and I really, really don’t think you should hold any of us to that just yet, because you know, he’s Kylo Ren…or I mean, he was…” she trailed and shook her head twice, her face a mass of confusion as she tried to process everything again.</p><p> </p><p>“But I wanted you to know that it could be in the realm of possibilities down the line. Because we trust you, Rey. We really do.”</p><p> </p><p>Then Rose chewed her lip, as though trying to decide if she should say something. After a moment, she opened her mouth, still looking uncertain. “And I think…I think maybe we’re going to be able to help you. With him. So…so don’t trust Sindian, okay? Don’t sign your life away to her.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey met her friend’s dark brown, shockingly earnest eyes and her brow furrowed. Her heart began to race, stuttering against her sternum almost painfully.</p><p> </p><p>“What do you mean?” The question was breathed out so softly, Rey wasn’t sure that Rose heard it.</p><p> </p><p>Rose fidgeted uncomfortably and then pushed the food around her plate for a moment.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay. Rey,” She looked up suddenly, brows pulled up anxiously. “Please don’t get mad, okay?”</p><p> </p><p>She regarded Rose unblinkingly for a moment before nodding her assent, “I’ll do my best.”</p><p> </p><p>Rose’s tense shoulders dropped and she inhaled shortly and nodded to herself. “Okay, might as well be straightforward then. But I do want to reiterate that we love you. And this is motivated by that love too.”</p><p> </p><p>“So. For the sake of transparency, we can’t lose you and your support to Sindian. That would be beyond catastrophic for the New Republic. And Poe? He sees that. And <em>because</em> he sees that, he’s willing to do whatever it takes to make sure you stay on our side. Including helping you attempt to get your murder-y boyfriend off of the executioner’s block.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s mind went blank from the shock of Rose’s admission. She could feel her jaw slacken as she tried to process what her friend just told her. She didn’t know if she should feel relieved at the news or furious that her friends only decided Ben was worth saving to keep her on their side. <em>No,</em> she had to remind herself,<em> Rose said it’s also for her.</em></p><p> </p><p>Honestly, she didn’t even know if she cared about the reasoning behind her friend’s sudden willingness to help right now. Because they were willing to help her. Reasons be damned if they could help her save Ben’s life.</p><p> </p><p>And suddenly, it hit her.</p><p> </p><p>It really hit her. Her friends were going to help her save Ben Solo. She didn’t need to use Sindian anymore. She would be free from Sindian’s obligations. She wouldn’t be betraying her friend’s attempts to create a better government after all.</p><p> </p><p>It’s too much. Too much at one time and Rose sensed that. She paused, watching Rey with concern mixed with curiosity as Rey dropped her head into her hands and felt all of the guilt and worry and fear melt away with tears of relief that wet her palms.</p><p> </p><p>The tension of her muscles melted away as she reveled in the knowledge of this new development. She could trust them. That trust might be strained and thin at the moment, but she trusted her friends. She could trust that they would do everything in their power to help her and that was more than could be said about Sindian.</p><p> </p><p>Not only that, but it seemed that perhaps she hadn’t completely lost them over her relationship with Ben after all. It was a fear she’d refused to think about because she knew how likely it was to happen. Being in love with an enemy—even an ex-enemy—was bound to strain any friendship.</p><p> </p><p>But Rose, who still knew very little about what happened, and Poe, who knew a large part of the story had decided not to abandon her over it. Yes, the reasons were not completely altruistic. Rose admitted herself that their decision to help was motivated in part by politics—and Rey would process that eventually.</p><p> </p><p><em>But they hadn’t abandoned her. They were going to help her</em>. That meant something to Rey. It meant everything to her. And in time, maybe they would be able to move past it all, all of the damage and hurt and their friendships would go back to normal.</p><p> </p><p>Hopefully Finn could find it within himself to reconcile with her too.</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt a gentle hand touch her shoulder blades. “Rey?”</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you,” she gasped, lifting her head from her hands. “Rose. Thank you.” She felt so completely overwhelmed with gratitude.</p><p> </p><p>Her friend chafed her hand up and down Rey’s back, “We need you Rey. And if helping Ben keeps you on our side, then we’ll do it.”</p><p> </p><p>“And what does that entail? Your help?” Rey asked, blinking up at Rose, feeling as light as air now. But she still needed to know.</p><p> </p><p>Rose hesitated. “I’m not actually sure. I imagine that we’ll try to have a tribunal set up, present the evidence of how we would have lost the war without his help. Maybe Poe can convince him to provide intel on the remaining First Order strongholds? Names of spies, supporters, all that stuff. And hopefully we’ll be able to get his sentence reduced to something that keeps him alive. Like prison or exile to the Mid and Outer Rims.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s head shot up. “You believe that?”</p><p> </p><p>Rose’s brows drew together in confusion. “Believe what?”</p><p> </p><p>“That we would have lost the war without him?”</p><p> </p><p>Her friend’s mouth shifted into a perfect circle, “Well, I mean, that’s what you told Poe and Finn, right?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey nodded and Rose shrugged, “Then yeah, I guess I do believe it.”</p><p> </p><p>The ember of hope grew brighter than it had any right to have grown. Rey’s smile grew and she could feel her eyes squint in happiness, “Thank you, Rose.”</p><p> </p><p>Rose’s eyes went sad, “Don’t thank us yet, Rey. It isn’t going to be easy to convince the committees. Especially since he was the Supreme Leader. There is still a very large chance that Ben will be sentenced to death.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey understood that. But the ember of hope didn’t dim at the daunting words Rose expressed. She had their help now. She was going to save Ben.</p><p> </p><p>That was all that mattered.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Ben stared blankly at the mess he’d made of his cell. The destroyed cot lay on its side, frame crumpled. He didn’t care that it meant he spent the night on the cold floor. Didn’t care that the guards came rushing in after they heard the screaming and crashing and beat him near senseless to the ground. He didn’t care that he his wrists were now locked into binders behind his back, making his shoulders feel like they were being uncomfortably tugged in his sockets.</p><p> </p><p>All he cared about was Rey. Rey and her bullheadedly foolish, half concocted plan to get him out of prison that would almost certainly wreck the progress the Resistance had made in establishing a better government for the galaxy.</p><p> </p><p>He felt his eyes slide close and wished that he could pinch the bridge of his nose to alleviate some of the pressure pounding against his skull. But his hands were bound uselessly behind him.</p><p> </p><p>Ben scoffed as he twisted his wrists around in their bonds. Of course the guards would take any opportunity to make him as uncomfortable as possible. He winced as his ribs throbbed at the motions he made. His shoulders protested too. They’d certainly done well with subduing him.</p><p> </p><p>Anything that Rey had done to heal him was thoroughly undone by their hands.</p><p> </p><p>The thought of Rey stirred the dull panic in his chest all over again. What was he going to do? Rey was throwing her life away—essentially her freedom, and he couldn’t do anything to stop her. He thought about reaching out to her to try to convince her otherwise, but was met with resistance. She was asleep.</p><p> </p><p>It was a good thing, he decided moments later after he managed to subdue the panic at her lack of response. He didn’t want her to worry over his new injuries and waste her precious life force to heal him. She already gave him too much.</p><p> </p><p>So instead, he’d resolved get as comfortable as possible on the cold duracrete ground and tried to sleep.</p><p> </p><p>He sighed, inhaling deeply and willed the chill and the pains to subside. He wished that he could sit down and meditate but that was out of the question. His arms were too long and would prevent him from assuming an even remotely proper position. Plus it would be painful.</p><p> </p><p>Eventually he drifted off in an uneasy slumber.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>A vaguely familiar signature lit up in Ben’s awareness. He stood still, not moving to indicate that he felt anything and waited patiently for the signature to draw closer.</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t have to wait long.</p><p> </p><p>Whoever it was, was standing on the other side of the energy field watching him closely. Ben could sense waves of hostility radiating off of the being, spiking his force signature sharply.</p><p> </p><p>Ben suppressed a sigh. This was not going to be a pleasant visit. Not that he was expecting anything different.</p><p> </p><p>Still, he remained facing away, patiently waiting for the person to break the silence first.</p><p> </p><p>“Can’t say that I’m surprised at the state of your cell,” a sarcastically tinged masculine voice called out a moment later, “seeing as it’s occupied by Kylo Ren, whom I’ve heard has legendary anger issues.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Dameron</em>,” Ben growled, turning slowly around to face the smirking Resistance pilot.</p><p> </p><p>“Ren.” Poe greeted him back with a nod, his eyes hard and voice cool. “You really do live up to your reputation, don’t you?”</p><p> </p><p>Poe Dameron was exactly who Ben needed to see in order to put his plan into motion, but it didn’t mean he was happy to be around him. He knew he had to be compliant to get what he wanted, but it was going to be a struggle. Their interaction previous to this had not gone well and that was putting it lightly. Plus even before Ben had joined the First Order, he’d never enjoyed being around Dameron anyway.</p><p> </p><p>He tried to goad Ben again, “Man, you look like shit. You clearly pissed your guards off. Again, not surprised.”</p><p> </p><p>“What are you doing here?” Ben demanded, voice low. He ignored Dameron’s attempts at baiting.</p><p> </p><p>The young general quirked an infuriating brow at him and a smirk grew. His dark eyes regarded Ben quickly, taking inventory of the damage his people had inflicted, barely veiled disdain coloring his expression. He remained silent for a moment, meeting Ben’s glare with one of his own. This man was not scared of him anymore. Or perhaps he’d never been afraid.</p><p> </p><p>Dameron paid no heed to Ben’s question, asking his own instead. “Do you have any idea how satisfying it is to see you like this after everything you’ve done to us? Locked up, beaten down, the knowledge of your own mortality glinting in your eyes. I never thought I’d see the day.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben worked his jaw impatiently, still waiting for Dameron to answer him. He would not be provoked into retaliating, now matter how badly he wanted to. He could feel the vestiges of old darkness waking up. He felt the first twitches when Sindian came to him and now, at Dameron’s taunting, it burned a little brighter still.</p><p> </p><p>But he ground his teeth together and held his tongue. Let the other man say his piece. He’d let Dameron work out his frustrations on him. And only after, would Ben drop to his knees to beg the other man for help.</p><p> </p><p>Eventually, Dameron realized that Ben wouldn’t give in to the spurs. He scowled in annoyance and looked to his left. With a subtle motion, he dismissed the guards. When they were gone, Dameron surveyed Ben once more. His expression was still hard, but less guarded, less out rightly hostile. He took a step closer and Ben fought the urge to take a step backwards.</p><p> </p><p>“What do you want, Dameron?” he repeated, feeling the scant amount of patience he had drain away.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, honestly, I’d love nothing more than to see you standing in front of a firing squad, but thanks to a certain little brunette Jedi who will remain nameless, I don’t get to have what I want.” He braced his forearms against the energy field and peered into the cell, inspecting the damage. Probably.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey,” Ben breathed and Poe’s eyes snapped to his with a shrewd expression, most likely expecting an outburst.</p><p> </p><p>Ben surged forward; brows raised high, “Dameron. You need to help her. She’s got herself locked up in Sindian’s retinue in a very misguided attempt to save me. You have to stop her!”</p><p> </p><p>Poe Dameron’s expression betrayed a sense of surprise. “Hold on, how did you already know that?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben narrowed his eyes but didn’t say anything. He had been in Rey’s mind while she tried to explain her bond to her friends. Surely Dameron hadn’t already forgotten. His annoyed expression must have been enough for the general to connect the dots.</p><p> </p><p>“Right,” Poe Dameron intoned, dragging out the monosyllabic word. “You have some creepy bond with her. So she told you then?”</p><p> </p><p>He nodded wordlessly, too insulted to trust himself to reply in a calm manner. It was <em>not</em> creepy.</p><p> </p><p>Then after a tense moment, he finally decided to speak up. “Sindian came by to gloat about it late last night, too.” That was definitely something the general needed to know if Ben wanted them to work together to free Rey from the First Senator’s grasp.</p><p> </p><p>Dameron swore under his breath. “Sindian came here?” He changed the trajectory of his glare for a moment as he mouthed a few more choice words. Ben’s brows rose again at the colorful variation but dropped into a cool mask of indifference when Poe looked at him again, this time seemingly unsurprised. “Of course she did. She’s never been one to avoid gloating.”</p><p> </p><p>He dragged his hands through his hair and exhaled heavily. “Of all the stupid things she had to do,” Dameron mumbled to himself and Ben got the distinct impression that he was no longer speaking about the First Senator.</p><p> </p><p>“If you’re talking about Rey, I agree…” Ben called out in annoyance. He wasn’t in the mood to listen to Dameron mumbling to himself.</p><p> </p><p>Poe Dameron’s eyes flashed with anger, “Oh really? You agree? Because I would absolutely not be surprised if <em>you</em> were the one who pushed her toward Sindian for help to get you out of prison. I see through you, Ren. I know that you’re just using Rey to escape this and go regroup with your collapsing army. It’s not gonna work. It’s—”</p><p> </p><p>His voice died out as Ben roared and slammed himself into the barrier. It shocked him back but the reaction he got out of Dameron was worth it. “I would <em>never</em> do that to Rey. Never!”</p><p> </p><p>Ben stepped back, suddenly so drained, so tired of it all. “I didn’t want her to do anything at all… I just wanted her to leave me to the fate I deserve.”</p><p> </p><p>Dameron watched Ben with a strange expression. “But she couldn’t leave it alone. That’s not who she is,” he replied slowly, his eyes warmed a degree or two with fondness over their Jedi.</p><p> </p><p>He shook his head, finding himself agreeing with Poe Dameron. “No, it’s not,” he said with a wry smile. His heart lifted at the thought of Rey’s spirit despite the issues it had recently caused.</p><p> </p><p>The curly haired New Republic general took a step closer. “What did you mean? When you said you wanted her to leave you to your fate?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben snorted, “I thought that was obvious. Kylo Ren needs to face justice—I need to face justice. For everything I’ve done. For everything the First Order has done. I don’t deserve to live.”</p><p> </p><p>“Really? So you just up and decided that you needed to own up to everything? You realize that ‘everything’ in your case results in execution, right?” Dameron was visibly skeptical.</p><p> </p><p>“Yep.” Ben popped the ‘p’ and met Dameron’s eyes levelly.</p><p> </p><p>The general narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “Why am I having a difficult time believing you?”</p><p> </p><p>He rolled his eyes at that. Of course Dameron thought that Ben was lying. It bothered him that the young general thought that he was so self-preserving. “I’m telling you the truth, Dameron. I came here to die. It’s Rey who doesn’t want that.”</p><p> </p><p>“And I need her to stop. You need to get her away from Sindian. I won’t let Rey throw her life away for someone who doesn’t want to live anymore, anyway.”</p><p> </p><p>Silence.</p><p> </p><p>Their eyes met again, this time, Dameron seemed to believe him a bit more. “So…you—you really are here to die?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben bit the inside of his cheek to keeping himself from snapping at the idiot who called himself a general. “Yes.”</p><p> </p><p>“And you <em>don’t</em> want Rey involved with Sindian?”</p><p> </p><p><em>“No.”</em> Ben glared at Dameron.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, okay, just making sure.” Dameron relented with his hands up in surrender.</p><p> </p><p>“Well if you don’t want Rey involved with Sindian and <em>I </em>don’t want her involved with Sindian, it looks like we gotta work together to get her out of this mess before she makes it worse.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben kept his expression even, but inside he felt as though he just witnessed a rancor sing <em>Mirrorbright </em>to him. The suggestion seemed utterly absurd coming from Poe Dameron, Resistance pilot turned New Republic general.</p><p> </p><p>“You want us to work together? I’m sorry, but don’t you hate me or something? And didn’t you just explain to me a few moments before how badly you wanted to see my corpse?” Ben asked sardonically.</p><p> </p><p>Dameron shrugged, unperturbed. “Yeah, I definitely hate you. I think you’re a piece of bantha-shit and I would love nothing more than to see you dead. But if it’s a choice between allowing Sindian to wreck everything we’ve worked toward to establish a better Republic or get the satisfaction of watching your body get shot through with blaster bolts, unfortunately, I’m going to pick the New Republic. It’s a close call though.”</p><p> </p><p>Then he rubbed the back of his neck, “Plus, you’re Leia’s son. And I owe her everything. So if I can pay her back even just a little, even if it means helping you, I need to do it.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s stare narrowed. His first instinct was to feel suspicious, but here was Dameron, standing in front of his cell offering to help Ben save Rey. He decided to trust the other man. He was Rey’s friend. If anyone could help her, it was him.</p><p> </p><p>And…he was doing it for his mother, who had given the last of her life force to reach out to him.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay,” Ben found himself agreeing. “What do we need to do?”</p><p> </p><p>Poe looked surprised. “Wait, you’re gonna go with it that easily? Especially after what I said about wanting you dead? I was expecting more arguing.” He paused, considering for a moment, “Actually, I was expecting a whole lot more raging and maybe you would like, I dunno, break the cot some more?” He released a short whistle, “Maybe you really have changed. Who’d’ve thunk?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben rolled his eyes, tiring of Poe Dameron. He honestly didn’t know if he was going to have the patience to work with the man. “I already told you I wanted Rey away from Sindian. What more do you want from me?”</p><p> </p><p>Dameron ignored that, infuriating Ben.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright. So here’s the thing. The only way to get Rey away from Sindian is if I help you get out of this situation alive. So that’s what I’m going to do. I’ll try to put together a group of trusted allies who hopefully don’t want to see Leia’s only son dead and we’re going to try to get your probable death sentence reduced to something a little less, well, physically permanent. Like life in prison. Or maybe exile if you’re made of luck.”</p><p> </p><p>“So first I was thinking that if you were willing to give up any and all information you had regarding the First Order, that would be a big help in your case.”</p><p> </p><p>That was simple enough. He could transfer all the funding left in the First Order’s coffers to the New Republic and it wouldn’t be difficult to locate and destroy all of the reserves and holdouts. “Done.”</p><p> </p><p>But even then, he didn’t think that would be enough. If Ben could hold a hand up to pause the man on the other side of the energy field, he would have. Instead, he shook his head vigorously. “That’s not going to work. No one in their right mind would let me off with anything other than execution. Even if I give all First Order information I have over to the New Republic.”</p><p> </p><p>The other man worked his jaw for a moment, thinking. “Yeah if you were Kylo Ren, for sure. But a certain Jedi happened to tell me that she fatally stabbed Kylo Ren on Kef Bir. No one needs to know about what happened after. As far as the galaxy needs to know, Kylo Ren died before the Battle of Exegol. Alone on the wreckage of the Death Star.”</p><p> </p><p>He stepped forward, looking almost eager if Ben didn’t know any better. “No one outside of a very small group of people know who Kylo Ren really is. And you, my friend, will be genetically tested to prove your identity of Ben Solo, who fell by the wayside and got wrapped up in the First Order but came back to assist the Resistance in a key way.”</p><p> </p><p>“Rey will confirm Kylo Ren’s death. But it would be better if there was some evidence…”</p><p> </p><p>Ben really wished that he could clap his palm to his face now. This plan was sounding more and more stupid as the idiot before him continued prattling on. Poe seemed oblivious to his misgivings and continued talking. Again, Ben wondered how this man had been promoted to general. And how he’d taken out the entire Final Order’s fleet.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey I noticed you didn’t have your explosive lightsaber on you when you arrived. What happened to it?”</p><p> </p><p>“Bottom of Kef Bir’s ocean…” he replied absentmindedly as he internally mocked Dameron’s idiotic plan. He was dead. He was definitely going to die.</p><p> </p><p>“Then we have evidence of Kylo Ren’s demise. I’ll send a droid out to find the saber and present it to the council. Or jury.” For someone who had expressed his desire for Ben’s death several times over the course of their conversation, the man was strangely excited.</p><p> </p><p>“Dameron. Stop.” Poe finally cut off and looked at him, confused.</p><p> </p><p>Ben sighed heavily. “You have a major flaw in your plan.”</p><p> </p><p>Dameron lifted a heavy eyebrow at Ben, looking mildly incredulous. “And that would be?”</p><p> </p><p>“There were several soldiers and civilians who witnessed the arrest of Kylo Ren, not Ben Solo. And Sindian knows who I really am. There is no way you can blow that off and say that I’m just Ben Solo.”</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe you’re right,” Poe said obstinately, though Ben could tell that the other man knew he was right. “We’ll figure something out. We have to get you out of here for Rey’s sake.”</p><p> </p><p>“If we get you out of this, you have to realize something though, Ren.” His voice had changed again, the excitement was gone and replaced with the hardened tone from before. Ben’s eyes drifted to meet Dameron’s. He waited patiently for him to finish the thought.</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t have to wait long.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m going to do everything I can to get you off of the executioner’s block here. But I want to make something very clear to you. I don’t think you deserve to live. And I know that you don’t think you deserve it either…” He searched Ben’s eyes, making Ben want to turn away and look anywhere else. His pride prevented him from looking away.</p><p> </p><p>“No…” Poe continued, “You’ve got this look in your eyes. You want out,” he decided, eyes glinting.</p><p> </p><p>Ben regarded him. Hadn’t he already said that?</p><p> </p><p>“You’re right. I came here with every intention of dying.”</p><p> </p><p>Dameron swallowed and nodded, suddenly sobered at Ben’s frank admission. “Then we agree that it still needs to happen.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben gave a quick jerk of his head in assent.</p><p> </p><p>Yes, he knew that on the off chance he made it out of Coruscant alive, he still needed to die. Justice, guilt—<em>everything</em>—demanded it.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sure there will be a tracker implanted if I get off with exile, correct?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. You would be fitted with one to alert authorities if you entered the Core or any of the territories. They would have orders to shoot you on site.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben shifted, feeling like he could easily pass out and sleep for hours now. His head had started hurting at some point and throbbed painfully behind his eyes. <em>So much to process</em>, he thought numbly.</p><p> </p><p>“When I get Rey somewhere safe, I’ll find a Core system and let the authorities do their job. We both get what we want that way. Rey stays safe from Sindian and I’ll still end up dead.”</p><p> </p><p>Poe inclined his head just the slightest bit to show his acceptance of the idea and then turned to walk away.</p><p> </p><p>“Dameron, wait!”</p><p> </p><p>The general froze and turned his head to look back at Ben. “Rey can’t know anything about that last part. You have to swear that she’ll never know.”</p><p> </p><p>A sad smile drew up Poe Dameron’s lips. “Don’t worry, Solo. It’ll be our secret.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben blinked in surprise. Dameron was referring to him with his birth name now. It made his skin prickle uncomfortably. No one but Rey had used his real name in years.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh,” he shook his finger at Ben as though he’d just remembered something. “In order for a tribunal to be granted at this point, you need to request it. So declare your right to a tribunal and once you do, I’ll be notified and then we can get to work. Got it?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben nodded once. He’d do that in an hour or so.</p><p> </p><p>Satisfied, Dameron continued his march away from the cell and called out to the guards as he crossed through the blastdoor. “Take those binders off. And get Solo a new cot. That’s an order.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Hours later, Ben sat on a new cot, thinking about what had just transpired, feeling strangely content. No matter what happened, Rey was going to be safe from Sindian and he would still get what he deserved.</p><p> </p><p>He tried to ignore the pang of guilt he felt as he thought about leaving Rey alone again. Tried ignoring the small part of him that didn’t want to die…the part that wanted to stay with her, and laid back in an attempt to sleep.</p><p> </p><p>After a few moments, he gave up. His hands itched to throw something, anything, but he had only just had the binders removed. He didn’t want to risk having them locked around his wrists again. He rubbed at the raw chafe wounds that ran the circumference of his wrists and winced. Would it kill them to give him some bacta?</p><p> </p><p>That small part of him was becoming more and more difficult to ignore. Anxiety played through him, sending his head spinning.</p><p> </p><p><em>No</em>.</p><p> </p><p>He needed to stay strong. He needed to do this. He didn’t deserve to live—didn’t deserve Rey, didn’t deserve any of it.</p><p> </p><p>And yet, with this new chance of exile there was a growing part of him that began to believe that maybe Rey was right. Maybe it would be better for the galaxy if he could stick around and try to rectify his wrongs.</p><p> </p><p>The thought of even attempting to do that quickly overwhelmed him and he had to fight against the urge to scream. How? How could he possibly make up for what he did?</p><p> </p><p>How could he atone for his acts of war with anything but his blood? How could he ever hope to make up even a fraction of the massive debt that would surely take lifetimes to pay back?</p><p> </p><p>No. This was the right way to go about it.</p><p> </p><p><em>But you would have Rey there to help you do it…</em> that quiet part of him whispered with cloying hope. <em>Rey would do anything. Anything to help you.</em></p><p> </p><p>The thought of Rey with him as he tried to do right had more of an affect on him than he could ever imagine.</p><p> </p><p>An image of them brightened within his mind.</p><p> </p><p>Rey and Ben seated side by side as they pushed the aging <em>Falcon</em> into hyperspeed.</p><p> </p><p>The two of them in a small tent, tending to those injured in First Order attacks, using their precious life force to heal and restore what they could.</p><p> </p><p>A golden rod lightsaber and a gleaming white blade slashing through the night, taking out secret bases and other First Order strongholds.</p><p> </p><p>The two of them settled on some lush planet, surrounded by meditating younglings as he told them about the ways of the Force. He sounded serious but he couldn’t help but flash grins whenever he looked up at the beautiful woman who stood under the eaves of the temple they’d constructed on their own.</p><p> </p><p>Rey holding a tiny bundle in her arms, staring down at it with such warmth in her beautiful eyes as Ben stood beside her, wondering how they could have possibly made something so perfect.</p><p> </p><p>His heart clenched as he broke away from the vision.</p><p> </p><p>Had that been a vision? Ben was locked away in an old Force suppressing cell. So it couldn’t have been a vision. Could it?</p><p> </p><p>His hair felt damp. He’d broken out in a cold sweat. His heart pounded heavily against his chest.</p><p> </p><p>If that was a vision, could he truly abandon a future as beautiful as that?</p><p> </p><p>Ben felt tears prickle the corners of his eyes and wiped at them stubbornly before anyone could see.</p><p> </p><p>If he’d been asked before today, he would say yes.</p><p> </p><p>But now?</p><p> </p><p>Now he didn’t know.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Guys I really wish Rose and Rey had been given a friendship in TRoS. I think it would have been the cutest thing. So Rey and Rose are good friends here. And Rose and Kaydel are tight too. So Rey has a little group of girl friends in my headcanon in addition to her canon friendships with Poe and Finn.</p><p>And Ben is making progress! He's still angsting over it all, but he.is.getting.closer.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. The Plan</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey guys!</p><p>Wow we are getting closer and closer to the end. I'm still working on chapter 26. I've been working on it for what feels like ages, but it's been really challenging to figure out because it's a big part of the story. BUT! But I feel a lot better now because I actually had to split the chapter. It was going to be 50 pages easy if I didn't. So good news, I have 23-26 completed and am 10 pages in to 27 and things are flowing much better (I wrote about 15 pages between Friday and Monday before deciding to split 26 into two chapters) and I think I only have about 2-3 sequences left to write before moving on to 28. Bad news, the story is being extended a chapter. Or is that bad news?</p><p>I'm really excited to share this chapter because I had so much fun writing out the first scene. I really hope that you enjoy it. </p><p>As always, if you've enjoyed my story so far, I love hearing about it through comments and if you would like, I will never say no to kudos.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE: The Plan</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt lighter than she had in days. Her friends were going to help her. Ben was going to get out of this. She tried not to think about the very real possibility of it not working out. She’d decided to think only in positives now—especially now when things seemed to be looking up.</p><p> </p><p>At some point, she and Rose left the table and moved to one of the plush sofas in the living area. They were now sitting cross-legged on either end, facing each other and each hugging an impossibly soft pillow. The conversation had taken a decidedly strange turn, in Rey’s opinion. A turn that she wasn’t entirely comfortable with.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, so, tell me more about Ben? Like what is it about him that made you…you know, look past all the murder-y destruction and like, <em>like</em> him?”</p><p> </p><p>Girl talk was not her forte. Mix it with the fact the Rose, a member of the Resistance was actively seeking to engage with Rey in girl talk over a former enemy? Well… Rey just wasn’t sure how to go about it.</p><p> </p><p>“Uh…”</p><p> </p><p>Rose shook her head, laughing slightly. “Okay let me try again.” She inhaled deeply, signifying that she was about to word vomit everywhere. Rose leaned forward and met Rey’s eyes with a look that blended befuddlement and interrogation.</p><p> </p><p>“Why him? I mean, you definitely were not lacking in interested suitors on base. I mean seriously, any time you ate with us in the mess hall, I could always count on at least five guys mooning at you. Finn comes to mind, for one. Heck, you even had Poe pining after you. Poe-kriffing-Dameron, Rey!”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s face went bright red and she must have been visibly alarmed because Rose smirked, “Don’t think I didn’t see what happened after Exegol, lady. I saw it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Clearly not the whole thing if you think anything happened…” Rey muttered in annoyance, eyes fixated on the silky patterns woven into the pillow she held to her chest.</p><p> </p><p>“What did happen, then?” Rose asked, all traces of humor gone and replaced with something decidedly more sisterly.</p><p> </p><p>Rey clutched the pillow tightly to her chest, trying not to relive that moment where everything felt so dark and hopeless when she should have been excited to celebrate victory with her friends. A moment that was made worse unintentionally by Poe.</p><p> </p><p>She sighed, feeling drained by the memory. “I had just lost Ben, Rose. What do you think happened?”</p><p> </p><p>Rose jolted up instantly. “Oh…right,” she replied abashedly. “Sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey shook her head, waving off the apology, “Don’t. It’s fine. I just wanted to make it perfectly clear that there never was and never will be a thing with Poe.”</p><p> </p><p>Rose watched Rey for a moment, a thoughtful expression crossing her face. “Because of Ben,” she said softly.</p><p> </p><p>Yes, because of Ben, Rey thought silently. Rather than answer, she nodded without looking up.</p><p> </p><p>They fell silent for a moment and Rey stared out of the floor to ceiling view ports, taking in the grand sight of air speeders cutting through the hundreds of sky lanes in masses. How did everything stay so orderly with literally millions of speeders constantly bustling through this sector of the ecumenopolis?</p><p> </p><p>“Rey?”</p><p> </p><p>“Hmm?” she responded distractedly.</p><p> </p><p>“So why Ben? Why not someone else? Someone…easier to be with?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey sat back and leaned against the sofa arm behind her, thinking. Why Ben indeed?</p><p> </p><p>There were thousands of reasons, thousands of answers she felt she could give Rose and still, she didn’t know if they would satisfy as well as the one answer her mind was brushing across more and more often.</p><p> </p><p>They were both the last of their kind and found kinship in that. They were both incredibly lonely and found solace andin their loneliness together. They were connected in a way that no one else in the galaxy could possibly comprehend. They knew each other’s minds, their hearts—their very souls. They <em>were</em> each other’s souls. They were one—they were each other’s home, each other’s belonging.</p><p> </p><p>How could she explain that without diminishing what Rose might find with someone some day and making her feel bad over not being able to attain the level that she and Ben existed on? Because as harsh as it sounded to her, she didn’t think anyone else in the entire galaxy could ever have what she and Ben shared. How could she tell Rose about the all encompassing and somehow still centering feeling she had when she was with Ben?</p><p> </p><p>“I…don’t know how to explain it. But I suppose, imagine meeting someone who knows you better than you know yourself. And you know them just as well. Imagine feeling like you’re home…that you’ve found where you belong when you’re with them. That when the two of you are together, you feel whole, complete. If you felt that way for someone, could you ever imagine giving someone else the time of day?”</p><p> </p><p>Rose’s eyes were wide and her hand clutched against her chest, “No, I don’t think I could look at another man if that were the case.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey nodded, satisfied that she’d been able to at least explain some of her relationship with Ben to someone else. “Then you can imagine why no one else has ever caught my eye. Or why no one else will.”</p><p> </p><p>A small, rueful smile played on Rose’s lips, “I see. And you felt like that even when you were enemies?”</p><p> </p><p>The question gave Rey pause. In a way, the answer was yes. But the fullness of it hadn’t occurred until Exegol, when she’d felt Ben come for her. And it had grown stronger since then, consuming her.</p><p> </p><p>She tread lightly as she replied, “I felt the beginnings of it when we were enemies. There was a certain draw to him that I couldn’t explain—that I couldn’t fight. And he couldn’t either. But nothing came of it until Ben was Ben again.”</p><p> </p><p>Her friend focused on drawling mindless patterns on the pillow she was holding, “Well that’s sad for Finn…”</p><p> </p><p>Rey flinched. Finn was a sensitive topic between the two of them. Rose had been infatuated with Finn since the beginning and for a moment, it seemed that Finn reciprocated. But then he changed course and went back to his crush on Rey.</p><p> </p><p>“Rose…” Rey began apologetically, wanting to reach out to her friend.</p><p> </p><p>Rose swallowed and tried to shake it off, shoulders raising to her ears and then down again in a gesture that attempted to demonstrate indifference.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s fine, Rey. Really. I’ve accepted that Finn just doesn’t see me that way.” She gave Rey a watery smile, indicating that it wasn’t fine at all.</p><p> </p><p>“No, it’s not fine. I’m—I’m sorry that this is happening to you, Rose. But Finn is just plain stupid. He’s missing out on what an amazing person you are. I wish I could make him see it.” And Rey really did wish that. Not because she wanted to not feel guilty about not reciprocating his feelings, but because Rose was a really special person.</p><p> </p><p>And Rey just knew that if Rose and Finn could figure things out, they were bound to have a really magical relationship. She’d seen the spark between them in the aftermath of Crait. But then things got weird between them and it hadn’t been straightened out.</p><p> </p><p>She’d seen how they interacted over the past year. It was obvious that they worked well together. It was obvious that they both cared about the other a great deal. But Finn was stuck and needed a nudge in the right direction.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe once this all settled down, Rey could facilitate that nudge and would be able to witness two of her best friends come together in the way she believed that they were meant to be.</p><p> </p><p>Rose snorted though her eyes still watered, “He is stupid, isn’t he?” her voice trembled and Rey’s guilt doubled down. “That’s why I’ve decided that I need to move on. Finn’s not going to notice me the way he notices you. I just need to accept that now and move on. And hope he’s forgotten that stupid little kiss…”</p><p> </p><p>She sent Rose a small smile and patted her knee in what she hoped was a comforting manner. Again, she was not good with girl talk. It seemed like she should say something back though…</p><p> </p><p>“Rose, you deserve so much. And if Finn doesn’t realize what an idiot he is, then I hope that you find someone who makes you truly happy.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks, Rey.” She huffed out a little chuckle as she wiped her lower lash line in an effort to preserve her makeup. “Any suggestions, by chance?”</p><p> </p><p>Her brow furrowed as she worried her lip, trying to think of the men she was familiar with from Ajan Kloss. Aside from some time with Finn and Poe while they were on world, Rey didn’t spend much time with the other Resistance members. The only others she spent time with other than those two were Rose and Kaydel. And Leia, of course. The rest of the Resistance seemed a little wary to be in such close proximity with a Force-user. They were always kind, but kept their distance.</p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t until—“What about Beaumont? Beaumont Kin? You guys have spent a lot of time together right? And you get along really well from what I’ve seen. I like him. He’s a really nice guy.”</p><p> </p><p>Beaumont was one of the only other Resistance members who’d actually tried to get to know her. Though it was because he had been assigned to help Rey decipher and translate the Jedi Texts. He’d been a little skittish at first, but they were fast friends after a few days.</p><p> </p><p>Rose shrugged, unconvinced. “Yeah he’s nice and I really like him, but I don’t know if he’s my type.”</p><p> </p><p><em>Oh for kriff’s sake. Why did you ask for suggestions if you were just going to shoot them down, woman?</em> She leveled a pointed stare at her friend, “Rose, give him a chance. Maybe he’d surprise you?”</p><p> </p><p>Her friend shrugged again. “And here I thought we were talking about you and Ben…” she grumbled under her breath while staring fixedly at a tendril of black hair she’d tugged from one of her buns.</p><p> </p><p>Rey laughed at her otherwise mature friend’s juvenile behavior. “Well what more do you want to know about him?”</p><p> </p><p>Rose dropped the hair and looked up, a gleam in her eyes. “I’ve never seen him without his mask off. What does he look like? Is he good looking? Does he look like the male version of Leia, but like, massive? Is he really that massive looking in person or is it all of the black? And what about—“ she cut off as Rey held her hand up, more laughter bubbling out.</p><p> </p><p>“Hold on, hold on. One at a time!”</p><p> </p><p>The discomfort she’d felt at the beginning of this discussion was melting away. It was surprising how quickly she was becoming comfortable with talking about Ben with another woman as if he were just some normal man and not the imprisoned ex-leader of the First Order.</p><p> </p><p>Girl talk was actually…nice.</p><p> </p><p>“Well?” Rose demanded with impatient brows.</p><p> </p><p>Rey screwed her eyes shut in concentration, conjuring up an image of Ben so that she could describe him to her friend in satisfying detail.</p><p> </p><p>“First of all, yes he is very large. He’s a very broad, muscular man even without the cowl and the cloak.”</p><p> </p><p>Rose’s eyes glinted in a very mischievous way that let Rey know that the next question would not be appropriate at all. She could already feel the heat spreading across her neck and cheeks in anticipation of it.</p><p> </p><p>“Is he… you know…proportionate?” Rose made a crude gesture that genuinely and thoroughly shocked Rey’s inexperienced mind.</p><p> </p><p>She changed her mind. Girl talk was not nice. Not nice at all.</p><p> </p><p>“Ah! <em>Rose!</em> Stop!” Rey cringed while her voice shot up octaves and slammed her hands over her eyes. Rose burst out laughing.</p><p> </p><p>“What? It’s a fair question! You guys were alone together for a long time, it’s only logical that I ask about that.”</p><p> </p><p>While grimacing, Rey peeked through her fingers at her laughing friend and felt her cheeks grow even warmer at the suggestion. She shook her head vehemently. “We didn’t—we didn’t go that far.”</p><p> </p><p>Her admission made Rose laugh even harder. But she recovered quickly and asked semi-seriously, “Wait, you mean that you guys spent two weeks together on an <em>island</em> and you never had sex?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s shoulders drew up to her ears defensively as she glared at her greatly amused friend. Why was she asking about <em>this</em> of all things?</p><p> </p><p>“No,” she answered hotly. “But not for lack of trying. Ben didn’t want to…” she trailed off. That wasn’t true. She knew he wanted to. But something held him back.</p><p> </p><p>“I have a really hard time believe that he didn’t want a piece of <em>that</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey snorted despite herself and found her shoulders relaxing a fraction. “He did. Just…he held himself back. And I didn’t want to push him. So I didn’t. Often…”</p><p> </p><p>Her friend hummed, satisfied with the answer and changed the subject. “What does he look like?”</p><p> </p><p>Tense shoulders dropped to their natural position and Rey exhaled in relief. They were back in territory that she was more comfortable in. So she started explaining what Ben looked like. Answering each of Rose’s questions with detail so that she could paint a picture of Ben Solo.</p><p> </p><p>She was in the middle of trying to describe his hair when the blast door chimed and the slid open. Rey froze. Poe would have needed her to grant him access to get in, which meant that some one from Carise Sindian’s camp was coming.</p><p> </p><p>Kantarra Maevus, wild green hair arranged like a crown around her head, strode in with fire in her eyes. That fire exploded into an inferno when she saw Rose sitting with Rey on the sofa.</p><p> </p><p>“This was <em>not</em> authorized,” she thundered from the hallway she was quickly marching down.</p><p> </p><p>“E-excuse me?” Rey stuttered, stunned by the other woman’s aggressive arrival.</p><p> </p><p>“First Senator Sindian has not authorized you to have guests over. Your friend needs to leave. Now.” She pointed to the blastdoor, eyes fixed on Rose.</p><p> </p><p>Rey was on her feet, standing between a shocked Rose and a viperous Maevus. “I wasn’t aware that the First Senator was taking control of my day so thoroughly,” she called out, feeling righteous anger seep into her bones.</p><p> </p><p>So through offering her help, Sindian believed that she had the right to control this tightly. Ben had been right after all. She would have felt annoyed if she weren’t so angry at the audacity of the Senator thinking that she could control who Rey saw.</p><p> </p><p>Now that she had a better idea of just how much Sindian was planning to control her life, she was more and more grateful that Poe and Rose had come to see her. That they had offered her help.</p><p> </p><p>Truly, she would have been a slave to this vile woman and her cause if they hadn’t come.</p><p> </p><p>Her chin rose up a fraction and her shoulders squared. “Is the First Senator so…involved with her other pets?”</p><p> </p><p>Kantarra’s glare redirected itself to Rey, who held firm and met the fierce gaze with an even stare. “The First Senator is risking her career to help you save Kylo Ren. She has every right to dictate your life for the foreseeable future.”</p><p> </p><p>“Rose is my friend from the Resistance. I haven’t seen her in several weeks. She’s not leaving.” Her eyes narrowed in challenge. Let Kantarra Maevus try to go toe to toe with her. Rey wouldn’t back down from this.</p><p> </p><p>The woman’s eyes narrowed into slits and Rey could practically see steam shrieking out of Maevus’s ears. She was surprised that the datapad she held hadn’t cracked, the woman was clenching it so tightly in hers fists. She breathed in a leveling breath after a moment of staring Rey down before she backed off.</p><p> </p><p>It was strange watching someone so visibly angry force themselves to relax. And it looked decidedly unnatural on Kantarra Maevus. Like a nerf trying to emulate a lithe lothcat. Bit by bit, the tension vanished from Maevus’s posture and a blithe, plastic smile pasted its way onto her face. It didn’t meet her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Very well,” she ground out, trying to sound pleasant but coming off sounding constipated instead. “I will inform the First Senator of this and will be back shortly with further instructions.”</p><p> </p><p>She nodded stiffly and then stormed out of the living area, heels clicking against the marble with increasing force until she had left the suite.</p><p> </p><p>Rose exhaled, “Wow. We need to get you out of here, Rey. I didn’t expect Sindian to want you this tightly under her control.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey found herself agreeing with Rose with a shaky nod. Her arms were trembling now. The reality of her situation was quickly crashing down on her. Sindian wasn’t just expecting Rey to announce support and do her bidding as called. She was expecting Rey to completely give up her freedom and become a puppet.</p><p> </p><p>Well. That wasn’t happening.</p><p> </p><p>The threat of Maevus returning soon got the girls moving. At Rose’s suggestion, Rey had packed away all of the ‘casual’ clothing Sindian gave her plus a gorgeous forest green gown that Rose had practically forced her to take.</p><p> </p><p>They were in the process of dragging three clothes filled bags out of the closet when the entrance door chimed. Rose and Rey paused for a moment, looking at each other warily before Rey straightened and made her way to the blastdoor.</p><p> </p><p>She almost cried in relief when Poe was revealed to be waiting on the other side. Her hand wrapped around his wrist and she yanked him inside.</p><p> </p><p>“Woah, calm down there,” he griped in surprise as Rey pulled him down the hall and met up with Rose, who had succeeded in dragging the bags into the living area.</p><p> </p><p>“Well?” Rey asked with an impatient tap of the foot. She was anxious to get out of Sindian’s guest suite before Maevus came back, but she needed to hear what had happened while Poe was away.</p><p> </p><p>“Well what?”</p><p> </p><p>Her eyes rolled at the blasé response. “Well where have you been? Have you found others who can help us? Senators? Generals? What’s the plan? What are we going to do?”</p><p> </p><p>“Well first,” Rose interjected, “we need to get you out of here. And maybe not talk about the plan because this place is almost certainly bugged.” She shot a suspicious glare around the suite before she continued tugging the bags toward the entrance. “A little help would be nice,” she called over her shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>Both Poe and Rey grabbed a bag each. Rey felt a little guilty at swiping the clothes, but it wasn’t like Sindian was going to use them. Hadn’t she called them rejects or something to that effect? And it wasn’t like she needed the clothing, but the thought of having several outfits was sort of thrilling to her. It was such a foreign concept, having more than two sets of clothes. It felt lavish. And after everything she’d been through, didn’t she deserve a little something?</p><p> </p><p>Besides, it wasn’t like she was taking the gowns and any of the fancier stuff. Her loot consisted of blouses, tunics and pants. And a few pairs of sensible boots. Plus the one gown…</p><p> </p><p>But that was beside the point. She would not feel bad about stealing clothes bound for the incinerator. Especially since they were perfectly good, never worn clothes.</p><p> </p><p>Rey didn’t even spare a glance as they left the beautiful suite for good. They strode purposefully down the hall toward the turbolift that would take them to the First Senator’s private landing platform where Poe’s air speeder awaited them.</p><p> </p><p>For a moment, she thought that maybe she was going to escape scot-free but that hope shattered when she saw Carise Sindian marching toward them with a smug Kantarra Maevus and three security guards in tow.</p><p> </p><p>Though her appearance and expression were collected, Sindian’s eyes flashed angrily at Rey and Poe, her hands bunched into tight fists before she suddenly relaxed them. “General Dameron,” she greeted airily in her girlish voice. “I was not expecting your presence here today.”</p><p> </p><p>Poe shrugged, tossing a bag into an open turbo lift and nudging Rose to take hers inside as well. “Well, I wasn’t here to see you, First Senator. I was here to see my friend, who apparently isn’t allowed visitors?” he accused though his tone was still light hearted.</p><p> </p><p>Rey and Rose had filled him in while they walked down the long hallway in as few words as they could manage.</p><p> </p><p>The First Senator’s expression stayed blankly diplomatic, “Of course, I couldn’t have her incriminating herself or Master Ren, whom she is so desperate to help. I ruled that it would be in her benefit to stay isolated.”</p><p> </p><p>That was definitely not the reason why, Rey wanted to snap. Sindian was trying to keep her isolated from her friends because she must have suspected that they would come to their senses and decide to help her after all. Rey was fairly certain that once she’d made everything official and was bound to Sindian, she would have been allowed to see friends. Because by then, there wouldn’t have been anything they could do to get her out of Sindian’s grasp.</p><p> </p><p>Not for the first time today, she was struck with intense gratitude for Rose and her determination to get everyone back on the same page and the same side.</p><p> </p><p>Still, Rey was not about to let Poe do all of the talking for her. She was the one who’d decided to break an unofficial deal, not him.</p><p> </p><p>“First Senator, I am so grateful for your willingness to help me, but it turns out that I am no longer in need of your assistance, after all.”</p><p> </p><p>The senator’s dark eyes flashed to Rey’s hazel ones and the calm façade disappeared in a sneer.</p><p> </p><p>Rey cringed. That was clearly not the right thing to say.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh are you grateful? So grateful that you’ve decided to sneak off with your <em>friends</em> and their <em>help</em> rather than face me and break your contract?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey stepped back, not expecting the pure hostility emanating from Sindian’s signature. “With all due respect, nothing was made official, Madam Senator. And it’s been made quite clear to me that I was selling more of myself to you than was made clear when we originally discussed terms. I’m leaving with my friends. They’ve agreed to help me—nothing asked for in return.”</p><p> </p><p>Sindian’s sneer deepened, her eyes narrowed into slits. “I seriously doubt that. Nothing is free, little girl.”</p><p> </p><p>She straightened, composing herself as her polished outfit whispering softly with the motion. “I see I was mistaken in offering my hand in service to you, Ms. Skywalker. You’ll see your own mistake soon enough.”</p><p> </p><p>Sindian turned away with Maevus following. She waved an uncaring hand toward Rey and her friends. “Guards, please see the General and his friends off of this floor immediately.</p><p> </p><p>Without another word or even a glance, Carise Sindian stalked off and left Rey, Rose and Poe facing three stoic guards who now shifted their batons threateningly toward them.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t worry, we’re going.” Poe called out and the three of them entered the turbolift and rode it quietly down to the dock.</p><p> </p><p>Sindian let Rey go more easily than she anticipated. Rather than giving her comfort, the revelation only served to increase her anxiety. Sindian was not going to let this go down easily. All they could do now was sit and wait for retaliation.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>After Rey had tossed the stolen bags of clothing in her new room, she went out to the living area and met with Poe, Rose, Finn and newly minted representative Kaydel Ko Connix.</p><p> </p><p>Finn refused to look at her and greeted her with only the most necessary words while Kaydel almost squealed in delight and wrapped Rey up in a tight hug.</p><p> </p><p>Rey liked Kaydel. She was friendly and very capable. It was no mystery as to why Leia had taken her under her wing. She efficiently imbued Kaydel with a great deal of political acumen and the woman was quickly establishing herself as a formidable politician. It was lucky that they had her on their side.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey! It is so good to see you again! I’ve missed you,” Kaydel greeted into Rey’s hair.</p><p> </p><p>She squeezed her friend back. “It’s really good to see you too, Kay.”</p><p> </p><p>Kaydel pulled back hesitantly, “Poe’s mentioned your troubles. Are you doing okay?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey blinked, she wasn’t surprised that Kaydel knew about Ben, especially since Rose knew. But she was surprised at the lack of hostility. News of her relationship with Ben had not been going over well with the majority of her friends, though two of the others seemed to be attempting to put their distastes aside for the time being.</p><p> </p><p>Kaydel nodded knowingly, understanding where Rey’s mind had gone. “He was the General’s son. And I loved the General like my own mother. I know that she wouldn’t want him dead. So I’m going to do what I can to honor her memory.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey had to blink back tears. Another friend who was willing to help in spite of who the person they were helping was. She pulled Kaydel back into her arms and this time, she was the one who squeezed. “Thank you, Kay. You don’t know how much this means to me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course,” Kaydel replied with a pat. She released Rey and began guiding her to their collection of couches and armchairs. The apartment was not nearly as grand as the suite at Republica 500 had been. That was extravagant opulence at its very core. But this apartment was still very beautiful. It appeared that the politicians of the New Republic were paid well for their contributions.</p><p> </p><p>Where the Republica suite had been all dark wood, Wayland marble and maroon upholstery, this place was lighter. Grey wood and simple white marble in tasteful touches. All soft surfaces were upholstered in a stunning and exceedingly calming hue of teal that was more blue than green. Rey once thought that green was her favorite color, but this color was certainly contending to take its place.</p><p> </p><p>Her feet found their way to a plush armchair and she sat down to face her friends. Three of them squeezed onto a large squashy looking sofa, Rose being the closest and Poe sat at the end. Finn took a seat in the opposite armchair, still keeping his distance.</p><p> </p><p>He was still very angry with her.</p><p> </p><p>She tried not to let Finn’s aloofness sting too much. Let him be stubborn. And it wasn’t as though she weren’t just as pissed at him. But she wasn’t going to think about that now. Right now, she needed to focus on the plan to get Ben as far away from an executioner’s block as possible.</p><p> </p><p>Besides, as much as she hated it, Finn’s anger made sense. And it was a miracle that the others were tolerating this so well. She was trying hard not to dwell on the fact that Poe’s sudden change of heart was partially motivated by her willingness to turn on their cause and work with Sindian. It stung that her friendship was not enough for them to be willing to save Ben.</p><p> </p><p>But she couldn’t dwell on that right now. It didn’t matter at the moment. As long as Ben got the help he needed, she didn’t care that they weren’t doing this entirely for her.</p><p> </p><p>The four others stayed quiet and Rey was quickly beginning to lose patience. She wanted to know what Poe had come up with. He’d been gone for hours. Something should be in the beginning stages of planning by now.</p><p> </p><p>“So what’s going on?” she asked as she met Poe’s dark brown gaze. It was so strikingly different from Ben’s. How could brown eyes so similar in shade be so dramatically different?</p><p> </p><p>Poe’s eyes darted around to make sure the others were listening. “I’ve got the beginnings of a plan. I came by to talk to Kaydel earlier to start enacting it and it’s going about as well as we can expect.”</p><p> </p><p>He paused for a beat, “No one really wants to help out.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt a sinking in her stomach but Poe began speaking again. “Now this would be a really bad thing if we were going to go ahead with a regular Galactic trial. But I’m in the process of getting the formatting changed to a military tribunal. They’re much smaller and I think there’s a decent shot that we can place sympathetic members on the panel.” He shrugged, “Not a bad start. But it could be better. Especially now that Sindian knows Rey broke from her camp.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey sucked in a sharp breath. “Sindian is going to do everything she can to stop a tribunal from happening. She won’t have any influence on the outcome.”</p><p> </p><p>The dark haired general nodded. “Right. She’ll call for the trial. But luckily for us, Solo has the right to request a tribunal. And he’s agreed to do just that.”</p><p> </p><p>If Poe hadn’t just told her that Ben was going to request the tribunal, she would have been floored to hear Poe Dameron calling Ben by his given name. But she’d been shocked into silence over the fact that Ben was apparently cooperating with Poe.</p><p> </p><p>She tried to get her voice to work but it wouldn’t respond. Ben was going to request a tribunal? After he’d all but said that he would accept his punishment without a fight? How did Poe know this? What made Ben change his mind?</p><p> </p><p>The others were discussing the schematics and details to getting their plan to work while Rey’s brain short-circuited. After what seemed like far too long, she was finally able to speak.</p><p> </p><p>“What do you mean Ben agreed to request a tribunal?”</p><p> </p><p>Poe trailed off his last thought as his eyes swiveled to Rey’s. “I met with Solo this morning. Right after I left Republica 500.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s mouth fell open and she blinked, mouth gaping wide. “You what?”</p><p> </p><p>The dark haired general leant forward, elbows on knees. “We talked and I got him to agree to a tribunal instead of a full trial in order to boost his chances. He agreed. Put the request out about an hour ago.” The friendliness that she was greeted with when he returned was replaced by terse answers and semi-distant formality. “He’s an asshole, by the way.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt a bubble of laughter escape her. It was slightly crazed, but it felt real for once. Of course Ben was an asshole to Poe. That would never surprise her. “How did you get him to change his mind? What changed?”</p><p> </p><p>Poe simply stared at her. “You did, Rey. Solo wants to keep you safe from Sindian. It was pretty clear to me that he would do anything to keep you out of her control. Oh and don’t think that you’ve gotten out of discussing this whole Sindian thing. We’re going to have a very long discussion later.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey ignored the last part. She had plenty of bones to pick with him too, if he wanted to argue with her.</p><p> </p><p>Her thoughts turned to the first part of what Poe said. She couldn’t believe it. Ben had changed his mind. He was actually going to fight to survive. Rey could have sung out for the entire galaxy to hear for all the joy she felt in the moment.</p><p> </p><p>Her friends were helping her save the man she loved and he was going to try to survive. He wasn’t going to willingly submit himself to death anymore.</p><p> </p><p>She was smiling so wide that her face felt like it would split open as she refocused on what the others were planning.</p><p> </p><p>It seemed like a good plan. Ben asserted his right to a military tribunal about an hour ago and Poe, as General of the New Republic had accepted it. The tribunal required the presence of seven judges. They needed four of the seven to vote in favor of exile over execution. He and Kaydel had put out several feelers to identify those who would be most likely to vote favorably on Ben’s behalf and who would vote execution. There weren’t many. Perhaps D’acy and if they could get Lando, he would likely vote in favor. But as long as they could avoid a large number of hostile committee members, Ben’s fate was looking up.</p><p> </p><p>Tomorrow, General Poe Dameron would recuse himself from the tribunal and General Finn would take his place as head of the committee. It wasn’t something that Finn was remotely happy about, but Poe would not be allowed to head up the tribunal after what happened at Sindian’s earlier.</p><p> </p><p>It was clear that Finn wanted Ben dead. It had been clear that Poe did too. And yet, Poe had gone out of his way to organize something that would save Ben. He’d enlisted the help of Rose and Kaydel too and they were both willingly helping her. And because of that, she knew that Finn would vote in favor of exile too.</p><p> </p><p>The weight of his task clearly made him more moody that he’d been before, but Rey was grateful that he was putting of his hatred for at least a little while.</p><p> </p><p>And after they had finished discussing a variation of names Rey didn’t recognize, Poe called it a day. He stood and stretched and excused himself without a backward glance at Rey.</p><p> </p><p>They would have it out at a later time, she decided. They both needed to clear the air of their actions before their friendship could resume.</p><p> </p><p>Rose and Kaydel went to the kitchen to find something to eat for a late lunch and Finn lingered awkwardly in the living area.</p><p> </p><p>Rey lingered too, watching Finn warily. Their eyes made contact briefly before he cleared his throat and hastily looked away.</p><p> </p><p>Her eyes rolled of their own accord and she started making her way to the kitchen when Finn’s hand shot out and stopped her right next to him.</p><p> </p><p>“Finn,” she said coolly. Despite trying to not think about it, she was still incredibly mad at him for storming off on her yesterday.</p><p> </p><p>Finn cleared his throat quietly and released her forearm. “Rey, I wanted to talk to you for a moment.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey huffed and gritted her teeth, trying to swallow the anger enough to the point where she could speak to him civilly. “What could you and I have to talk about, Finn? You made it clear to me last night that you are disgusted with me right now. I thought you made it quite obvious that you didn’t want anything to do with me anymore. Particularly after you stormed out when I <em>begged</em> for your help.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s just it though, Rey—I wanted to talk to you about that. To apol—”</p><p> </p><p>The anger flashed white-hot across her vision. “To apologize?” she seethed, cutting him off. “No. You abandoned me when I needed you the most, Finn. You left me when I begged for help because I was with a man who is <em>no longer our enemy</em>. Because I was with Ben. Not only that, but you threatened to kill him in cold blood when we arrived. He was unarmed. He came willingly! But you couldn’t see past your hatred of him to care about that.”</p><p> </p><p>She stepped away from him, making it clear that she didn’t want to continue their discussion.</p><p> </p><p>Rey was about to walk away when she paused to add something that she needed him to know. He might have been a total piece of Bantha shit lately, but he was going to help her anyway. And he needed to know of her gratitude even if she didn’t want anything to do with him at the moment.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m very grateful that you’re doing this for Ben. I know that you don’t want to. I know you would rather see him dead. But you’re helping anyway. So thank you.”</p><p> </p><p>She left him gaping open mouthed in the living area and joined Kaydel and Rose in the kitchen. And when he left a moment later, she pointedly ignored him though she knew that he was trying to meet her eyes.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Okay I loved writing the girl talk time. It was so much fun. </p><p>Apologies about the lack of Ben in this chapter. I promise that I will more than make up for it next chapter. And I think the chapter after that. </p><p>Lastly, the mystery of what happened with Poe and Rey after Exegol will be totally and completely be answered next chapter. I promise! And I'm really happy with how it played out. Hopefully you will be happy with it too!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Forever, If You Can</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>My writer's block for 26/27 has officially been annihilated. Woot! I've finished writing 27 and will be starting chapter 28 tomorrow.</p><p>These upcoming chapters are looooong. For reference, today's chapter, 24, was 21 pages on Word. Chapters 25 and 26 are both 27 pages long. Chapter 27 is just a tad longer than 24. But man, a lot of stuff had to happen in those chapters. I anticipate 28 being on the shorter side, but I'm pretty sure 29-31 will be at least 25 pages each. This is not a short story haha. </p><p>Now with that being said, I think I need to take a week or two off from posting (but not writing! I will still be writing). I've discovered my writing process requires that I have several chapters written out before I post in order to keep myself motivated. If I catch up to what I have written, I think the pressure of needing to write out a chapter every week in order to keep my self-appointed deadlines will kill my creativity and therefore stall the story.</p><p>I'll be in California with my family during the Fourth of July weekend and week after and historically, the beach is a place where I have always struck with inspiration to write, so as long as my parents and siblings can help me watch my son, I should be able to brainstorm and write out a lot. My husband would, therefore guaranteeing my writing output, but he has to stay behind in Nashville :(  He just started his big boy/post graduate degree job this week and is also going to be defending his dissertation on the 7th. So he doesn't get to come. He's v v busy. I'm pretty sad about it. Also high key terrified of watching our son on the beach without my husband's trustworthy eyes helping me at all times to keep track of him. I'm pretty sure it's the first vacation I've had in the past seven years of our marriage that we haven't spent together. </p><p>Aaanyway, enough about me haha. </p><p>That was just my long way of telling you posting is going to take a short two week break but I will be writing away in order to provide some distance between previously written material and material in process of being written. </p><p> </p><p>Hopefully this chapter keeps everyone tied over until I post again. I legit teared up while writing it.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR: Forever, If You Can</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Several hours later, after the late lunch and lots of catching up, Rey was finally settled into her new room. It was smaller than the room inside Sindian’s guest suite, but it boasted a soft looking bed piled high with plush pillows, a comfortably sized bathroom and closet that easily held her stolen clothes.</p><p> </p><p>Now she sat on the edge of her new bed while watching the golden light of Galactic City gradually ease its way to the orange and purple hues of dusk. The light of the dying day glinted off of the thousands of air speeders racing through the hundreds of skylanes, adding a sparkling quality to the already glowing city.</p><p> </p><p>It was such an unusual place, Coruscant. It was so unlike any other place Rey had been to. She was so used to the quiet chirpings of various avian creatures and insects hidden in dense trees and underbrush that the constant noise of engines and blaring horns enticed her as much as it gave her a massive headache.</p><p> </p><p>Rey found herself missing the cool darkness that shrouded Temple Island on Ahch-To during this time of the standard day. But most of all, she missed the company she had while she was there. She imagined her towering companion sitting with her now. His warm presence enveloping her own and filling her with familiar feelings of peace and comfort that only accompanied the safety of home she’d found with him and him alone.</p><p> </p><p>It didn’t matter how messed up things had become between the two of them lately. All she wanted was Ben. With her.</p><p> </p><p>A lonesome sigh escaped before she could suppress it and Rey wrapped her arms around her body in a weak imitation of Ben’s comfort. Her face sunk into her knees as she tried to block everything out.</p><p> </p><p>“You know, you could have asked me to do that for you instead,” a deep, resonant voice chuckled from beside her.</p><p> </p><p>Rey jumped and looked over her left shoulder with a jerky motion.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben!”</p><p> </p><p>She dove into his arms and he laughed while trying to prevent them from both falling off of her bed. “Easy there, sweetheart.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben held her against his chest tightly and Rey was content to stay wrapped up in his arms until the end of time. But they had things to talk about.</p><p> </p><p>The voluntary loss of his warmth bit at her as she pulled away from him and repositioned her hips to face the end of the bed, legs hanging over the edge. He copied her and they both sat on the edge, facing the dying day of Galactic City.</p><p> </p><p>“You know,” she started quietly, carefully watching the dusky sky rather than him, “I appreciate that you’re willing to fight for your life now and that you’re going to work with my friends to do that. But I wish that you weren’t doing it simply because you wanted to keep me away from Sindian and the Centrists…”</p><p> </p><p>Ben shifted uncomfortably and he stared out over the skyline too. “So you know about Dameron coming to visit then?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes. He and Rose came to visit this morning and when they found out what was going on, Poe stormed out and apparently went to talk to you. So, I guess I should thank you…” she trailed off, unsure of what to say.</p><p> </p><p>“I wish that you were doing it for different reasons, but thank you for agreeing.”</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t say anything back, instead choosing to continue to scrutinize the scene before them.</p><p> </p><p>She felt compelled to continue, “And I wanted to thank you because you were right about Sindian. I <em>was</em> going to end up her political slave. She tried to forbid visitors—tried to have Poe and Rose removed before they could ruin her plans, I guess. But she failed and I am so grateful. I would have given <em>everything</em> away if it meant I had the help I needed to get you out of there…”</p><p> </p><p>Guilt overwhelmed her senses as she thought about how close she’d come to betraying her friends and her duty to the New Republic if it meant that she would be successful in saving Ben’s life. Her stomach soured as she realized how closely she had been dancing with the Dark side.</p><p> </p><p>The guilt made her curl away from Ben in shame. She loved him desperately but it was making her selfish. Too selfish. Master Luke had been right—about her, about her drifting toward the Dark side. About everything.</p><p> </p><p>As if Ben could hear her internal turmoil, he tugged her back into his chest and held firm. “What matters is that when it came to it, you didn’t. You made the right choice and I am proud of you.”</p><p> </p><p>She shook her head against his shoulder. “You shouldn’t be, Ben. I am a terrible Jedi. And I know that. I feel too much and I can’t stop caring—about you, about anything. I get far too attached and it clouds my judgment. And if Poe hadn’t decided to pull his head out of his ass and help me—if Rose hadn’t been there, I know for a fact that I would have signed anything Sindian put in front of me today because I want to save you <em>that</em> badly. I would have ruined <em>everything</em> that your mother and my friends have worked for. And I—”</p><p> </p><p>A warm hand tilted her head back and the other pressed to fingers against her open mouth, stifling the words.</p><p> </p><p>“You are not a bad Jedi. The fact that you care so much is what makes you strong. You made a mistake with Sindian but you got away from her and now you know your weaknesses better. You’ll make the right decisions in the future because of it. I know you, Rey. You always do the right thing in the end.” His amber eyes bore into her hazel ones as he urged her to believe him.</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt the guilt ease a bit as she contemplated what Ben was saying. He was right about one thing, she would never make a mistake like that again. She would always be sure to balance her needs against the needs of the galaxy and go from there. She would have to do better in the future.</p><p> </p><p>Ben wasn’t done addressing his feelings on the matter and so she watched him intently. “If you want to know what I think about the Jedi codes, I think that so much of their belief systems are convoluted and wrong. I think it’s good to feel passionately. I think that life isn’t worth living if you don’t have attachments. <em>You</em> taught me that.” He pulled back a little and grabbed her hands.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re the last Jedi, Rey. You don’t need to follow their codes if you don’t want to. You can make your own code.”</p><p> </p><p>She inhaled sharply at the idea. “<em>We</em> can make our own code, you mean,” she replied with her eyes boring into his. She wouldn’t do this without him.</p><p> </p><p>Ben hesitated for the slightest fraction of a second and nodded, “We can make our own code.”</p><p> </p><p>She sniffled, not even realizing that she’d cried a little bit. She was so tired of all of this crying.</p><p> </p><p>“Can you imagine? Rey Skywalker creating a new Jedi Order with the infamous Ben Solo,” she half chuckled, imaging the insanity.</p><p> </p><p>Ben stiffened and Rey realized her mistake. Her face was instantly crimson.</p><p> </p><p>He forced himself into a relaxed posture and casually played with her hands. “So Rey Skywalker, huh?” he tried to tease lightly.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah…” she responded awkwardly, still blushing furiously. How must he feel about her taking his family’s name?</p><p> </p><p>“If I’m being totally honest, I wasn’t expecting to ever see you again. And it seemed like a good idea at the time to honor your family. And it turns out my inherited one is pretty terrible…” she trailed off, feeling the infuriating blush spread down to her ears and neck.</p><p> </p><p>A wave of hot air puffed over her as Ben gave a little laugh. “Guess I can’t really fault you in wanting to claim a different name,” he paused, hesitated a bit before he went on, “But Skywalker? That’s a heavy one to bear too…”</p><p> </p><p>Rey gulped, feeling more than a little nervous as she dared to ask a question only now occurring to her. “Are you suggesting that there was a different name I should have chosen?” she questioned, feeling apprehensively hopeful over something that she had no right to.</p><p> </p><p>Ben blanched and his face went white and then red and he ducked his head away. “No,” he said quickly, “nothing comes to mind.”</p><p> </p><p>Her heart dropped a little and Rey tried to school the crestfallen expression visible on her face into something more lighthearted. It was difficult though; part of her thought, or rather had hoped, that Ben might suggest his last name. And she couldn’t claim that the thought hadn’t excited her.</p><p> </p><p>“So how long have you gone by Skywalker?” Ben surprised her by asking a question that was still on the topic of her new last name.</p><p> </p><p>The sky was now a deepening purple and Rey imagined that it wouldn’t get much darker than this with all of the lights illuminating the skyline. She idly wondered how she was expected to sleep with the brightness of the city assaulting her. She’d been so exhausted yesterday night that she didn’t care in the slightest. But now? Now it seemed like she would struggle.</p><p> </p><p>“Not long. I guess I started going by it a day or so after the battle…”</p><p> </p><p>With the knowledge that she was a Palpatine still fresh in her mind, Rey wanted to distance herself as much as she could from that cursed name. She wanted place herself firmly in the light and decided to take her former master’s name as her own. It made sense to her at the time. Luke Skywalker had been a bastion of the Light side of the Force for years and she hoped to be one as well.</p><p> </p><p>“They thought it was a good idea. And that I could honor Leia and Luke…keep the name alive. That’s what Finn and Poe thought, I mean.</p><p> </p><p>The soft sound of a scoff caught Rey’s attention and she was looking a Ben again. His mouth was downturned in distaste and his brows sat low over his dark eyes. The annoyance clearly exhibited across his face put her on the defensive immediately.</p><p> </p><p>“What?” she demanded with a cocked brow.</p><p> </p><p>Ben shook his head, still not looking at her. “Nothing. Guess I didn’t know that you were that close with <em>Dameron</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey blinked at him, confused. He was annoyed that she was friends with Poe? Shouldn’t he care more about her friendship with Finn? Who had been a stormtrooper in his division and possibly interacted with? With whom she considered herself a lot closer to? Despite knowing it was a terrible idea, she took the bait.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, he’s one of my closest friends. We’ve been through a lot together.” She stated a bit defensively and then sniffed, “What does it matter to you?”</p><p> </p><p>“It<em> doesn’t</em>,” he objected a little too firmly.</p><p> </p><p>Her brows drew together in confusion, seriously doubting his honesty. “Okay,” she said, drawing out the word. But she dropped it, letting the matter rest.</p><p> </p><p>They sat next to each other in a tense silence. Ben was brooding and Rey wasn’t entirely sure why.</p><p> </p><p>“What happened between you and Dameron, any way?” he eventually asked stiffly, his fists balled up with tendons flaring out.</p><p> </p><p>A cold sweat broke out over Rey’s brow. <em>This </em>was definitely not something that she wanted to discuss with Ben. Not now, not ever. She supposed it was too much to hope that the matter would never come up. She had done a poor job of playing it off the two times it had been brought up with Ben around.</p><p> </p><p>She worried her lip and willed him to look at her. When he didn’t, she sighed heavily and set to tell him the truth of it.</p><p> </p><p>“Nothing happened,” she said honestly. “At least, I didn’t let anything happen. I was in shock and everyone was drunk—especially Poe.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s brown eyes met hers, his brows drawn down. “That doesn’t tell me anything.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey fidgeted. “Fine. Don’t get mad, all right?”</p><p> </p><p>She refused to say anymore until he gave a short nod with tight lips and a clenched jaw.</p><p> </p><p>“Poe tried to kiss me the night after the battle.”</p><p> </p><p>Her hand closed over Ben’s and she shared the memory of that night.</p><p>
  
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  <em>The jungle echoed with the joyful shouts and cries of the celebrating Resistance members. There were large bonfires and music echoing throughout base. Revelers danced and swayed to the beat everywhere, alcohol sloshing around and permeating the humid air with yeast and other fermented grains. </em>
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  <em>Rey tried to join in with the others. She tried to share in their joy and in a way, she did. But the aching, raw wound in her soul prevented her from fully celebrating. She was putting on an act. And it was a fairly obvious one too. But everyone was so intoxicated that they hadn’t noticed yet. And that was fine with Rey. </em>
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  <em>It didn’t feel right to be celebrating anyway. </em>
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  <em>The shock of losing Ben was just starting to hit her now, wracking her with a deep, renting ache that would soon become a permanent part of her. Right after he faded away, she felt as if she were in a waking dream and fled the collapsing chambers to the surface in a daze. </em>
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  <em>Then she took off in Luke’s old X-wing. She had been so scared of what she would find when she finally made planet fall on Ajan Kloss while she was in Red Five that her fear kept her distracted from Ben. It kept her mind busy as she navigated through the Unknown Regions back to the Cademimu sector. She had almost collapsed with relief when she found Poe and Finn alive and well. And sobbed openly when she found Chewie and Rose and Kaydel almost unscathed as well. </em>
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  <em>Now she was sitting alone by a dying fire. The others had left to mingle with friends. No one wanted to leave her alone, but she managed to convince them to go. She needed a few moments on her own to process what happened. But every time she tried to think about it her chest felt like it was being squeezed by a vice and her throat felt like it was closing in on itself. She felt like she—</em>
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  <em>“Not feeling up to celebrating?” a visibly intoxicated Poe Dameron asked as he emerged from the shadowed underbrush. He walked surprisingly steadily for a man who’d consumed more alcohol than she had ever seen in her life. He was smiling down at her, his eyes alight with excitement as he approached.</em>
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  <em>“Just tired, is all,” she lied softly, resuming her vigil over the dying flames.</em>
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  <em>Poe chuckled, taking a seat right next to her on the fallen log she claimed earlier. “I don’t blame you. You took out Palpatine, after all. That’s gotta be draining.”</em>
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  <em>She stifled a flinch as his words triggered flashes of the dark citadel. Her and Ben coming together as a true dyad only to be stripped of their life force and then painfully separated again. Memories of Rey feeling so drained, so exhausted that she could barely move and yet finding the strength to stand and end Palpatine once and for all swirled across her mind’s eye. </em>
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  <em>The final one: Rey casting her eyes around the massive citadel for any sign of Ben’s large form, just so she could see him one last time as her heart gave out and she collapsed to the dirty ground, dead.</em>
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  <em>“You have no idea…” she murmured as the memories faded away. </em>
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  <em>“You’re amazing, Rey. Truly amazing. We owe everything to you.”</em>
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  <em>They sat in silence for a moment. Rey could feel Poe’s eyes on her, burning into the side of her face. She looked up and was startled to see the soft need in them. It made her want to scoot away, firmly reiterating the boundaries she’d set for them at the beginning. She started to move away but Poe caught her wrist and stopped her from moving away. He slid closer.</em>
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  <em>His hand reached out to tuck matted tendrils behind her bloodied ear and rested it against her neck. The point of contact burned as she remembered another hand that had rested there earlier. A hand that completely swallowed her neck beneath its massive breadth, warming her body through entirely. Rey felt tears begin to collect in the corners of her eyes. She would never feel that hand again.</em>
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  <em>But she desperately wanted to.</em>
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  <em>Poe misinterpreted the emotion and leant in closer. Rey could smell the alcohol on his breath and pulled back to maintain a respectful distance.</em>
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  <em>“Rey,” he breathed ignorant of his discomfort, “I was so worried about you. And seeing you in the crowd, after everything that happened today, it made me realize something. I like you, Rey. A lot. I think that there’s something special between us. And it’s something that I want to explore.” He raised his other hand to her cheek and he ran his thumb along the tops of her cheekbone. </em>
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  <em>“Poe…you don’t want to do this,” she warned him, almost pleaded him not to say anymore—not to do any more. She couldn’t do this right now. She needed to get away from here. Far away. </em>
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  <em>She couldn’t handle something that would bastardize what she shared with Ben earlier. Ben, whom she had kissed earlier, showing him just how important he was to her, thanking him for saving her and finally acknowledging that what he felt was exactly what she felt too. Ben, who had just died giving his life to her.</em>
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  <em>“I would really like to kiss you,” Poe murmured softly, his questioning eyes searching Rey’s own.</em>
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  <em>He closed them and leaned in to slant his lips over hers. Rey panicked and before she knew it, had him in stasis. Poe’s eyes flew open in surprise and stared at her with wide, dark eyes.</em>
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  <em>She let him go and he straightened up, hands splayed on the log and brows drawn together.</em>
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  <em>“What? Did I do something wrong?” Poe asked, confusion coloring his tone. His eyes betrayed a sense of hurt. “I thought you felt the same?”</em>
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  <em>Hopefully he was drunk enough that he would forget the entire encounter by tomorrow.</em>
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  <em>Her mouth felt dry as she tried to swallow and answer him. Her stomach roiled with guilt. It had been a suspicion for a while that maybe Poe’s feelings for her had evolved a bit. Especially after the way he’d stared at her in the vexis pit after he caught her. But she had chosen to ignore them rather than do anything about it. Ignoring those sorts of things had always served her well in the past.</em>
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  <em>She didn’t answer him, choosing instead to look away. </em>
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  <em> Poe continued, oblivious to Rey’s turmoil. “I thought that there was something going on between us. You know, we argue and bicker but there’s something there? There’s something going on with us, isn’t there?”</em>
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</p><p><em>Rey shook her head, heart still pounding and in serious need of space. “There isn’t anything going on between us. I’m sorry. I’m not the right one for you, Poe.” And with that, she walked into the night and hid away on the </em>Falcon<em>.</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Chewie found her some time later curled into a ball in the cockpit with Ben’s sweater on. Rather than ask, he sat down next to her and just held her hand as she cried.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>They both pretended that it hadn’t happened, which Rey was fine with. And not long after, things went back to normal, with Poe flitting between lovers and Rey…well. With Rey trying to adjust to life without her other half.</p><p> </p><p>She released Ben’s hand and watched his expression carefully.</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s eyes stayed unfocused as he blinked back into the present. Soon his amber eyes sought out Rey’s and met them quietly.</p><p> </p><p>His expression went dark and Rey felt his whole body go tense.</p><p> </p><p>She held back the sigh she hoped she wouldn’t need to release. She should have known better than to expect Ben to keep his cool after that.</p><p> </p><p>“I am going to <em>kill</em> that kriffing idiot pilot.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey blinked. He was mad at Poe. And not at her?</p><p> </p><p>She couldn’t help herself when she asked, “Wait, you’re not mad at me?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s dark eyes widened in horror and he reached out to cradle her hands in his. “No. Of course not. Why would you think that?”</p><p> </p><p>Her teeth bit at her lower lip and worried it. “I dunno, because someone else tried to kiss me literally hours after we did?”</p><p> </p><p>There was a reassuring warm pressure on both her hands as Ben squeezed them.</p><p> </p><p>He held her gaze with a warm smile and Rey’s breath caught. “But you <em>didn’t</em> let him kiss you. And your thoughts were centered completely on me when he was trying to move in on you.” The small smile grew, “So if anything, you boosted my ego.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey pulled a face. What was he going on about? She boosted his ego? “That makes absolutely no sense.”</p><p> </p><p>“Doesn’t it though? You had Dameron pining after you and you were thinking about me the whole time.” He was grinning wildly now, eyes strangely excited.</p><p> </p><p>“But I was mourning you. Because you were dead.” She added flatly as if though it weren’t already obvious enough.</p><p> </p><p>He chuckled a little and the grin transformed into an infuriating Solo smirk. “Still counts as thinking about me.”</p><p> </p><p>She rolled her eyes. <em>Men</em>, she thought with a measure of annoyance. Sometimes men just did not make sense. Or perhaps it was just the Solo variety that made no sense.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, so aren’t mad at me. You’re mad at Poe.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben shrugged, “Yep. Can you blame me? He was trying to make a move on you when you were obviously hurting. He was thinking about himself when he should have been worrying about you. It was selfish of him.”</p><p> </p><p>That was true, but it wasn’t as if he’d known about what happened on Exegol. He’d only found out just yesterday. A little over twenty-four hours ago to be precise.</p><p> </p><p>“I am a little annoyed at you though,” Ben continued with a slight smirk. “The way you freaked out every time it got brought up made me think that it was way worse than it really was.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>He tried to kiss me!</em>” Rey whisper shouted back at him, feeling some jest leak through the hissed words. She smiled goofily, almost manically now that she knew she’d been silly to worry. “I didn’t know how you would react.”</p><p> </p><p>“Even if he had kissed you, what makes you think that I would have any right to react at all?” Ben’s voice was still laced with humor but his eyes had a sudden serious cast to them.</p><p> </p><p>Her grin stilled and then faded. Now Rey was just confused. She had expected him to get mad that someone tried to kiss her not even an entire day cycle after she kissed him. She had expected jealousy—possessiveness even. Not this—this weird male pride he was expressing.</p><p> </p><p>She had the scenario completely wrong.</p><p> </p><p>And now? Now he was telling her that that he didn’t have a right to react at all?</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>What in the?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Ben,” she said frankly, “you have completely lost me.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben laughed a bit more, the sound shockingly light for him and then gestured for Rey to come closer. She obliged and he pulled them back onto the bed, scooting them up to the pillows.</p><p> </p><p>A thrum of Ben’s contentment reverberated through her chest as he snuggled her against his broad one and then rested his head against hers. She would never get over how right it felt to be there. Like two puzzle pieces fitting together perfectly.</p><p> </p><p>Their arms crossed their torsos and met in the middle, with Rey lightly stroking the tendons that stood out against the pale skin of his inner forearm.</p><p> </p><p>“You weren’t beholden to me, Rey,” Ben finally said quietly into her hair. “I wouldn’t ever expect you to be, not even now.”</p><p> </p><p>The fact that Ben still didn’t feel like she would be <em>beholden </em>to him by now was absolutely ridiculous and Rey set about to rectify that immediately.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s just stupid,” she muttered to herself quietly.</p><p> </p><p>He stilled beneath her, affronted. “Excuse me?”</p><p> </p><p>She rolled to her side to face him properly and get a good view of his face. “It’s stupid,” she repeated, this time for him to hear.</p><p> </p><p>Ben stared at her blankly, trying to puzzle together what she was getting at.</p><p> </p><p>“I get the first part of what you said,” she explained with a wave, “But the second part? The part where you don’t expect me to feel <em>beholden</em> to you now? After everything we’ve been through? It is sheer idiocy.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben moved to his side so that they were facing each other. His eyes were dark with brows drawn low over them, his voice soft. It held a sad quality that made Rey’s heart twist. “I’m just trying to tell you that you don’t owe me anything. That you don’t have to tie yourself to me—that honestly, you <em>shouldn’t</em> because I might be dying soon anyway.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey bit the inside of her cheek. How could this man, who she knew for a fact was extremely intelligent, not understand how stupid he sounded right now?</p><p> </p><p><em>Patience</em>, she urged. Snapping at him isn’t going to do any good.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben,” she said softly, urgently, “How many times must I make it perfectly clear to you that I <em>want</em> to tie myself to you. No matter what the future holds, I choose you. No one else will ever measure anywhere near to you. You’re it for me.”</p><p> </p><p>She thought of the late nights they spent on the <em>Falcon</em> together, speaking of anything and everything in low tones even though it was just them onboard. She thought about their days together, travelling and exploring every last bit of the craggy island, constantly engaged in some form of physical contact even when it impeded their motions.</p><p> </p><p>But most prevalent of all, she recalled the cool night under the bright moon spent on the hull of his father’s ship. She could still feel his thick yet surprisingly deft fingers weave her hair into a beautiful crown, its meaning telling her more than he had ever been able to express to her out loud.</p><p> </p><p>Hopefully time would change that.</p><p> </p><p>He kept his eyes low even as she reached out for his hands and then the sides of his face. “Rey…” he sighed sadly, “I don’t want to ask that of you. Especially—”</p><p> </p><p>She cut him off, fed up with the foolishness. “You <em>aren’t</em> asking. I’m giving. Please try to understand that if nothing else tonight.”</p><p> </p><p>Her fingers wound underneath his chin and pulled his eyes to meet her fierce ones, willing him to understand. Willing him to believe her. “I gave you my heart the moment I woke up in your arms in that dirty, collapsing cathedral. And I do not want it back. It’s yours, Ben. It will <em>always</em> be yours. No matter what happens.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s mouth parted as he tried to process what she told him. She could feel his warm breath pass against the tender skin of the underside of her wrist in short, panted breaths. His wide, whisky hued eyes searched hers intently, searching out the truth of what she said and basked in it when he realized that everything was true.</p><p> </p><p>But that wasn’t enough for Rey. She didn’t want him to spend another moment doubting. She didn’t want him to feel like he was compelling her to stay.</p><p> </p><p>“May I?” she asked softly, hoping he would understand what she meant.</p><p> </p><p>There was a baited pause and then a small nod.</p><p> </p><p>Rey almost sighed in relief.</p><p> </p><p>She gently lowered her mental barriers and let her feelings rush to meet him, unbounded and free for the first time.</p><p> </p><p>All he’d felt before were hints and pieces. She was always careful to restrain the extent of her feelings for fear of scaring him or putting him on edge. Now, it coursed through their bond and wrapped them within its fullness.</p><p> </p><p>A sharp gasp escaped Ben as the heavy wave of emotion crashed into him. Rey tried to watch him, tried to savor each expression transforming his face as he absorbed each and every one of her feelings, but as she did, an equal wave of emotion crushed her beneath its weight.</p><p> </p><p>It was coming from Ben.</p><p> </p><p>The heat of it was unlike anything she had ever experienced before. It was all consuming, burning and almost overwhelming. But at the same time, it was steadfast, warm and pulsing. Like a heartbeat. And through it all, a raging ocean of passion split with calm currents of patience, devotion and undying reverence. It was familiar. Oh so familiar.</p><p> </p><p>A mirror image of her own heart.</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s fingers wove through the hair at the back of her head and pulled her close, slanting his lips over hers and meeting them in a soft, caressing kiss.</p><p> </p><p>In this kiss, she felt Ben’s acceptance and it warmed her through. It was gentle, like the touch of a cooling breeze after a stifling, still summer’s day. His kiss, in view of the glowing Galactic City skyline, was soft and slow and sweet. A testament of the tenderness Ben displayed only while in her presence. It was a testament of their connection, perfectly comfortable and so much like home that Rey’s soul ached for its permanence.</p><p> </p><p>He cradled her head with his heated hands and every time his nails scraped against her scalp she shuddered with pleasure.</p><p> </p><p>And all too soon, it ended.</p><p> </p><p>Rey bit back the cry protest that resided in her throat as she blearily blinked open her lids to look at Ben.</p><p> </p><p>His amber eyes, brown ringed with gold, stared at her with such emotion that Rey felt her eyes well with tears in response. Her heart burned within her bosom and unbidden, her hands traveled up to his temple, brushing the silky hair away.</p><p> </p><p>Ben swallowed tightly, eyes roaming her face before they settled over her hazel pair.</p><p> </p><p>“I love you,” he whispered, his voice rough with unshed tears.</p><p> </p><p>Time slowed and then stopped all together as Ben’s quiet confession resounded first in her ears and then in her heart. The words she never expected to hear but longed for all the same had at last crossed his plush lips and seared themselves in her soul.</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s bottom lip trembled as a single tear broke free and trailed down her cheek. Ben’s broad thumb caught it and wiped it away with hopeful eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Her heart felt so full that it seemed to fill her chest and steal her breath away.</p><p> </p><p>A quiet laugh escaped her as a smile wider than the galaxy itself crossed her face and refused to fade away. Ben’s eyes lit up as he watched the myriad of expressions cross her face and her smile was matched by a brilliant one of his own.</p><p> </p><p>She couldn’t help herself. She surged forward and kissed him with everything in her and could feel the heat of their kiss spread from the crown of her head down to the tips of her toes.</p><p> </p><p>Breathless, she broke off to stare at him, taking in his beautiful face made masterpiece through the fullness of his lips, the aquiline line of his nose, his slightly crooked teeth and the bottomless depth of his deep brown eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Hers. He was all hers.</p><p> </p><p>“I love you too, Ben.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s eyes lit up brighter than Rey had ever seen them and filled with tears.</p><p> </p><p>“Say it again?” he said with the breathless, gentle lilt of a question.</p><p> </p><p>Rey blinked, heart fluttering and the smile grew once more. Who knew she could feel so incandescently happy saying those three little words.</p><p> </p><p><em>Finally</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“I love you.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s smile lit up the entire galaxy.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>They stayed like that for a long time, wrapped in each other’s arms, basking in the love that they now freely shared with one another. Rey was content to never move again but she knew that eventually the connection would close and she would be alone again.</p><p> </p><p>She tried not to think about it. She tried not to think about how Ben would be alone in his cell once more. Tried not to think about the guards that were clearly making it their job to beat him senseless.</p><p> </p><p>Ben hid it well, but it was made very clear to her once they fully allowed each other in that he was hurting.</p><p> </p><p>Earlier, while they were still in the brilliant haze of their confessions, Rey had slid her hand up his shirt only to have him hiss and pull away.</p><p> </p><p>She stopped him, of course and pulled his shirt up to reveal a pale torso mottled with purple and blue bruising that she thought she’d healed away the night before.</p><p> </p><p>It made her sick. Her hands went clammy on his skin as her eyes memorized every patch of broken skin, every welt and every bruise. She wanted to return the favor to his guards ten-fold. She itched to do so immediately.</p><p> </p><p>Ben quickly set to dissuading her of that notion. He said it would make things worse for <em>her</em>. As if the abuse he suffered was a no consequence. How could he worry about her when he was the one allowing himself to be beaten senseless?</p><p> </p><p>It took every ounce of her control to not storm into the holding block he was imprisoned in and deliver retribution. But for Ben’s sake, she held herself back.</p><p> </p><p>His face was perfect. Not a mark on it. Ben said the reasoning behind that was because once his tribunal began, the New Republic would want him to be totally recognizable. And a little bitterly, he added that they wanted to maintain their image as fair and just by showing all the systems, New Republic and Independent, just ‘how well they take care of enemy prisoners.’</p><p> </p><p>Of course, Rey immediately set to healing him and only stopped when he reminded her that if the guard’s marks were completely gone, it would look very suspicious. Even then, Ben was hard pressed to get her to stop. She hated that he was in even the slightest bit of pain. But he was right.</p><p> </p><p>So now, they rested in each other’s arms, watching the lights of the skyscrapers and the air speeders crisscross the skylanes in dizzying trails of brightness.</p><p> </p><p>It was the longest time that the Force had ever connected them. She estimated that at least two standard hours had passed. She hoped that perhaps they were gaining better control over their bond and since they both wanted nothing more than to be in each other’s presence, that they would remain that way until one or the other closed it.</p><p> </p><p>She snuggled into his chest and breathed in the intoxicating scent that was Ben Solo.</p><p> </p><p>A question pressed against Rey’s mind, one that she was apprehensive to ask. But she needed to ask it. So she inhaled deeply to steel her nerves.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben, what really made you change your mind? Why are you going along with Poe’s plan?”</p><p> </p><p>Her dark haired love stilled beneath her but Rey couldn’t bring herself to look at him. She was scared that he was going to tell her nothing has changed.</p><p> </p><p>The silence lengthened until finally, “I think you know why.”</p><p> </p><p>She did. He had already admitted to it earlier. But she hoped that perhaps Ben had been able to decide on his own that life was worth living. Instead, he was pushing on to protect her from herself.</p><p> </p><p>She gulped, feeling guilt pit in her stomach. “You’re doing this because I went to Sindian for help,” she stated hollowly, feeling more than a little miserable.</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s chest rose and fell beneath her temple in a deep sigh and his arms began to drift up and down her spine in slow, loping strokes once more.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I guess that I am.” She felt him lift his head to peer down at her. “Why don’t you seem happy about it?”</p><p> </p><p>It was Rey’s turn to go still. It was ludicrous that she wasn’t happy that Ben suddenly seemed on board with living through banishment rather than his preferred execution, but she couldn’t help but feel that something was off.</p><p> </p><p>Perhaps it was just another testament of his love for her. Perhaps he decided that he <em>did</em> in fact want to deal with the guilt and the possibly insurmountable task that rectifying his wrongs entailed and try anyway.</p><p> </p><p>“I suppose I just wish that you were doing it because you wanted to. Not because you were trying to save me from Sindian’s talons.”</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe that will come later,” came his quiet reply.</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s admission warmed her heart and filled it with hope. It only lessened the guilt a little, but it was enough for her to resume drawing senseless patterns across his chest and shoulders in peace.</p><p> </p><p>She changed the direction of the conversation. “Do you think it will work? The tribunal plan?”</p><p> </p><p>He shrugged the shoulder that wasn’t holding her head disinterestedly, though Rey knew that it was forced. “I really don’t know…”</p><p> </p><p>“I think that I have a better shot at surviving a military tribunal than I do a full trial. And Dameron seems to think that he can pad the panel with enough military personnel that would be more likely to have sympathy with me.”</p><p> </p><p>He scoffed at the thought, “Not like I deserve it in the least. Or that I’ll really be getting any sympathy at all. But still, there are enough high ranking Resistance members who will be thinking about my mother through the matter and maybe that’ll give them cause to spare me.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey nodded, thoughtful. “And a military tribunal needs to be unanimous in their decision to execute, right?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben shook his head, agreeing with her earlier statement. “No, they just need two thirds to convict and sentence an execution.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s brows pulled together, concerned. “Why would that be any better than a trial?”</p><p> </p><p>Over the course of the day, Rey had been acquainted with the workings of the civilian justice system. And if she was being completely honest, she didn’t understand why a trial was even on the table in the first place. Ben was guilty of his crimes. There was no denying it. So obviously the jury would cast a guilty verdict. But the sentencing was more up in the air. The jury could recommend a sentencing but they couldn’t decide it. The sentencing would depend on the judge. And who knew if the judge would be more inclined to kindness…</p><p> </p><p>“Because Dameron thinks he’ll be able to get enough personnel on the committee to block a two-thirds vote during my sentencing.”</p><p> </p><p>“How?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben looked down at her again, brow quirked in annoyed amusement. “Didn’t you go over all of this with Dameron earlier today?”</p><p> </p><p>She had, but it felt good hearing it come from Ben. And she also just wanted to know what he thought of it all.</p><p> </p><p>“Sindian is going to retaliate, you know,” she eventually said quietly. “I’m scared, Ben. I’m terrified of what she’s going to do to stop us.”</p><p> </p><p>Her companion was silent, only the sounds of their breathing filling the room.</p><p> </p><p>Eventually he nodded, “I know. In her eyes you broke a contract, regardless of it being official or not. She’s a petty woman. You need to be prepared…”</p><p> </p><p>Rey breathed in sharply, “I will be. I won’t let her ruin your chances.” She paused, and said more softly in a regretful tone, “I only wish I hadn’t gone to her in the first place. Perhaps things would have worked out better…”</p><p> </p><p>Instead of replying, Ben pulled Rey closer to his chest and held her there. The steady beat of his heart began lulling her off to sleep.</p><p>
  
</p><p>As she drifted closer to sleep, Rey was struck with the need to have Ben stay with her through the night. She hoped that he would be able to. She opened her mouth to say as much when Ben spoke up, seemingly answering her.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t want to leave you here alone, Rey. I miss us sleeping in the same bed. Can I stay with you tonight?”</p><p> </p><p>A deliriously sleepy smile crossed her lips as she hummed with her eyes shut, “Stay, Ben. Forever, if you can.”</p><p> </p><p>Sleep claimed her, but as she finally succumbed, she thought that she heard him say it back.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Carise Sindian paced across the lush carpet of her plush Rotunda office, furious.</p><p> </p><p>That little Jedi brat—that slip of a <em>girl</em> had basically begged her for help and right when Carise thought that she had the girl pinned down, she thought that she could run off with her friends and abandon their contract?</p><p> </p><p>Foolish child. One didn’t get to back out of deals with <em>Lady </em>Carise Sindian. Especially not ones that would have benefitted Carise so marvelously.</p><p> </p><p>With Rey Skywalker in her retinue, she would have had such an easy time of pushing the New Republic into the direction it needed to go. It would have helped her bypass years of future plans. Everything could have been fast tracked.</p><p> </p><p>The galaxy was indebted to the girl. Anything that Skywalker wanted would happen. And if she had been under the control of Carise, <em>she</em> would have everything she wanted through the girl.</p><p> </p><p>Carise hissed as she tossed a blown glass vase against the transparisteel viewports that lined the room. It shattered with a satisfying spray of crystalline shards.</p><p> </p><p>The little Skywalker brat would pay for what she did. She and General Dameron were going to pay.</p><p> </p><p>And Kylo Ren? Well Rey Skywalker clearly had a soft spot for him otherwise she wouldn’t have begged so desperately for help to prevent his death. So obviously the way to get back at her the most was through him.</p><p> </p><p>She almost scoffed. It almost wasn’t fair how pathetically easy it was going to be. Her eyes fell on the datapad that glowed with Ren’s petition for military tribunal. She was going to have to pull some strings to get that denied. But it wouldn’t be too difficult. She had her ways.</p><p> </p><p>Carise crossed the room to access the comms on her desk. “Send for Maevus.”</p><p> </p><p>She sat primly in her high backed chair and drummed her nails idly against the glossy kriin wood, enjoying the sharp clacks that resounded. It relaxed her. And as she relaxed, a plan began formulating.</p><p> </p><p>The blastdoor hissed open and Maevus glided in, eyes excited. She stopped in front of Carise’s desk and a glint darkened her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Well?” Carise prompted, impatient to get on with it.</p><p> </p><p>“My lady, we were able to get the footage of General Dameron meeting with the former Supreme Leader earlier today. And I think you’ll like what you hear.”</p><p> </p><p>Carise couldn’t help but smile. “Excellent. Pull it up.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Ben! You said the words! And REY! You said the words back!</p><p>Aww, this chapter really healed my soul. TRoS messed me up, but writing their reunion chapter and this? It is healing to me.</p><p>I hope you all loved it as much as I did. I also hope that everyone was satisfied with what happened between Rey and Poe. I never intended for Rey to have done anything that would cheapen her experience with Ben. But I liked the idea of her being so freaked out that Ben would be upset about Poe making a move that she kinda accidentally made it worse than what actually happened, so I stuck with that idea.</p><p>As for Poe, in this story, he legitimately thought that there was something going on between him and Rey. He heard all about Leia and Han's love story and saw their story reflected in his interactions with Rey. But alas, he was mistaken. Of course he was bummed, but I think he quickly saw that he and Rey were better off as friends and just moved on to whatever girl/guy caught his attention afterwards. </p><p>And Rey? Well, she probably won't ever forget the horror of her friend trying to kiss her, but she forgave him not too long after it happened.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. A Change of Plans</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm back! With an early update so that I can get back to writing new stuff.</p><p>Chapter 28, the current chapter I'm working on is almost done. I'm working on the final sequence now.</p><p>Small question though: did you guys enjoy the last chapter? I'm really proud of it but I didn't hear back so much on it and I'm wondering if I somehow missed the mark? </p><p>Anyway, I hope you enjoy this one. Lot's of stuff happens here and sets us up for some big chapters.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>
    <span>CHAPTER TWENTY-</span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span>FIVE</span>
  </b>
  <b>
    <span>:</span>
  </b>
  <span> A Change of Plans</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In the morning, Ben is gone. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Though the space that he occupied was still warmed through with the heat of his body</span>
  <span>, so it hadn’t been long</span>
  <span>.</span>
  
  <span>Rey wasn’t sure what woke her up, his </span>
  <span>sudden </span>
  <span>absence or the streaming </span>
  <span>day</span>
  <span>light </span>
  <span>that trailed across her mattress and into bored into her poor eyes.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>With a groan, she turned over and buried her head underneath the plethora of pillows she and Ben hadn’t bothered moving last night. Sleeping while curled into him kept her warm enough to not need the thick comforter that covered the bed, even though the climate control was cooler than she would have liked. Now that Ben was gone, she quickly felt the chill and burrowed into the bed in order to rectify the situation. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Maker, she missed being in the same bed with him. She missed the heavy warmth of his arms wrapped around her and the firm strength of his hands as they gripped hers.  She missed his steady breathing as he slept beside her and she missed how his hair would tickle her skin every time he moved.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She missed him.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rey reached out and probed their bond. The</span>
  <span>re was a</span>
  <span> quiet peace that only came with sleep emanat</span>
  <span>ing</span>
  <span> from his side, so she let him be. Ben rarely slept well, even when they shared a bed. She was not going to rouse him from his sleep just because she was missing him.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>It was too bright for her to reasonably fall asleep again, so she stretched and sat up slowly, working out kinks and pops before she planted her feet on the cool tile and walked out of her new room. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>It was </span>
  <span>06:30—</span>
  <span>just after sunrise. Rey noted the early as she examined her </span>
  <span>chrono</span>
  <span>, not expecting to see anyone about, but both Rose and Kaydel were dressed and bustling in the kitchen. One of them was working with the </span>
  <span>caf</span>
  <span> maker while the other was buttering some sort of pastry. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rey’s stomach gave a deep rumble as the warm scents of the kitchen assaulted her nose. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey!” Kaydel greeted as she sat down with a particularly flaky looking pastry oozing with something rich and brown, “I hope we didn’t wake you. Rose and I have </span>
  <span>to get an early start on</span>
  <span> our days</span>
  <span>.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No, you didn’t wake me,” Rey smiled as she walked behind the island to pour herself a cup of </span>
  <span>caf</span>
  <span>. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“The blinding daylight creeping through my viewports did.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>And the sudden disappearance of a very large</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>,</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> man-shaped pillow,</span>
  </em>
  <span> she added silently. She scanned for sweetener and creamer and was surprised to find actual real life sugar </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> moof creamer. She</span>
  <span> salivated. All she ever had on base was synthetic stuff and she was very much looking forward to trying the real things</span>
  <span> at long last</span>
  <span>.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rey had never truly enjoyed the taste of straight </span>
  <span>caf</span>
  <span>, so she added liberal amounts of the creamer and sugar before sitting down next to Kaydel with an identical pastry. It smelled even better than it looked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“There are settings on the control panel that’ll shade the room and let you sleep longer,” Rose chimed as she joined the others with a different but equally appe</span>
  <span>tizing</span>
  <span> looking</span>
  <span> pastry and a steaming mug</span>
  <span> of plain </span>
  <span>caf</span>
  <span>. She swiped the creamer from Rey’s left and poured</span>
  <span> a little in before swirling her mug around.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We can show you how it works later,” Kaydel said over a mouthful of pastry. She was flipping idly through the </span>
  <span>Holonet</span>
  <span> channels and paused on a news site that blared </span>
  <em>
    <span>breaking</span>
  </em>
  <span> across the top and bottom of the projection.</span>
  <span> The </span>
  <span>aurabesh</span>
  <span> letters flashed red, drawing her eyes.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The reporter was a yellow skinned </span>
  <span>Togruta</span>
  <span> male with a distinctively deep voice.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“—nitial reports have indicated that the Supreme Leader of the First Order, Kylo Ren, was captured and brought into custody two standard days ago in the company of a Jedi Knight. That Jedi Knight is repo</span>
  <span>rtedly Rey Skywalker, a human female </span>
  <span>who was instrumental in taking down the returned Emperor Palpatine nearly two standard months ago.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The foo</span>
  <span>d in Rey’s mouth lost all flavor</span>
  <span> as she was a</span>
  <span>ssaulted</span>
  
  <span>by</span>
  <span> the news report. Her companions stopped eating as well and soon </span>
  <span>wore expressions with </span>
  <span>differing levels of horror.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rey’s mind buzzed. No one was supposed to know about Ben’s arrest. It had been purposefully kept quiet according to Poe and everyone else.</span>
  <span> Especially after yesterday, it was vital that Ben’s presence was kept hidden from the general public. He was widely assumed dead</span>
  <span>, killed in action on the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Steadfast</span>
  </em>
  <span> with Allegiant General Pryde</span>
  <span>. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Now the entire galaxy knew and—Rey b</span>
  <span>it her lip hard, drawing blood—n</span>
  <span>ow everyone was surely going to call for his blood. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>There would be no escape from a very public trial and execution. </span>
  <span>The world blurred and Rey felt dizzy. She tried to steady her breathing but it felt like she wasn’t getting any oxygen. She blinked rapidly, inhaling and </span>
  <span>exhaling at a quick pace to make up what oxygen her brain was telling her she wasn’t getting</span>
  <span>.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>A sharp clatter and a loud cursing from Rose broke her out of the panic attack.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rose stood now, palms pressed firmly into the island with a seething expression </span>
  <span>that marred</span>
  <span> her kind features. Her </span>
  <span>caf</span>
  <span> had splashed all over the counter top but she paid it no mind. Her attention was focused absolutely on the </span>
  <span>Holonet</span>
  <span> projection in front of them.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“That </span>
  <em>
    <span>bitch!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” she hissed.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rey forced herself to listen to the </span>
  <span>Togruta’s</span>
  <span> report once more.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Galactic News Distributions has been graced with a statement from the First Senator’s Office. Quote ‘The Office of First Senator Carise Sindian confirms the capture of Kylo Ren and confirms that he is currently in custody inside Galactic City limits. It is the First Senator’s sole desire that the criminal formerly known as the Supreme Leader of the First Order be placed before the New Republic’s Courts of Justice, before a former jury and judge, and be tried and condemned for war crimes committed </span>
  <span>between</span>
  <span> the time period</span>
  <span> of ABY 28</span>
  
  <span>and </span>
  <span>ABY 35. There, he will face his fate as justice demands’ unquote.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She felt nauseous as the reporter continued.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“The Office of the First Senator also confirms that the trial is set to begin at 09:00 tomorrow in the </span>
  <span>famed and historical Senate Rotunda</span>
  <span> within the Federal District of Galactic City</span>
  <span>. All proceedings will be recorded and broadcast via </span>
  <span>Holonet</span>
  <span> to those who wish to observe this historic event unfold.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Kaydel switched the feed off numbly and Rey could feel her eyes on her, pitying. It was all Rey could do to not cry out. She reached out to Ben once more, but he was still sleeping. She couldn’t wake him with this news</span>
  <span>, couldn’t take away the brief peace they had just experienced together</span>
  <span>. Not when she was so close to coming apart all over again.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She almost scoffed but couldn't due to the horror that coursed through her veins. Of course Sindian did this. She should have expected that this would be the retaliation. Instead, Rey expected a smear campaign besmirching her image—ruining her reputation and influence. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>That was something that she could have handled. She didn’t care what the galaxy thought of her.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>But this? This hurt. Because there could only be one outcome now. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Ben wasn’t going to make it out of this alive. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>A tear rolled down her cheek and splashed into her untouched </span>
  <span>caf</span>
  <span>. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Just when she was really feeling hopeful again. Just when she thought that perhaps she and Ben would get their happily ever after, it was snatched away yet again. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey…” Kaydel started, “Rey, we’ll figure something out. I promise. Poe and Finn are on their way. We’ll re-evaluate and re-strategize.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>A small hand rested on her shoulder. Rose.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I know it looks</span>
  <span> grim, but we</span>
  <span>’re the Resistance</span>
  <span> fighters that took down the First and Final Orders. If we can do that, we can outsmart Sindian and save Ben,” she soothed. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rey wished that she could believe her. But Rose was wrong. Sindian had outsmarted them already. There was no coming back from this mistake. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Oh how badly she wished that she never crossed paths with Carise Sindian.</span>
  <span> She wished that she could go back in time and stop herself from making that massive mistake. If she hadn’t of done that, maybe she still would have been able to get Poe to come around and help her and maybe they could have had the tribunal and maybe she and Ben could have been on their merry way to some quiet planet in the Outer Rim.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>But Rey knew that was absolute fantasy. She took in a fortifying breath</span>
  <span>, reassuring herself</span>
  <span>. Poe wouldn’t have come around if Rey hadn’t accepted Sindian’s offer and she wouldn’t be in any better situation than she was in now. So rather than cry like she so badly wanted to, she </span>
  <span>reached up and squeezed Rose’s hand gratefully and nodded. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She needed to be strong if she wanted to save Ben.</span>
  <span> She needed to be in control of herself if she wanted to stand a chance against the curveball Sindian threw her way. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rey forced her hands to still, tried to center herself within the comfort of the Force, but she found that she couldn’t quite reach it with her feeling this way. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>No matter. She could still herself by other means. With her eyes shut, she began imagining how she would repair a </span>
  <span>sublight</span>
  <span> engine. She accomplished each step mentally and felt the shaking in her hands subside. She felt her breathing rate return to normal and after another moment, Rey opened her eyes.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rose and Kaydel both watched her apprehensively and Rey picked up the mug of </span>
  <span>caf</span>
  <span> in front of her and took a measured sip to show them that she was in control right now. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>They exchanged looks but went back uneasily to their meals.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>There was a pregnant pause, “Rey?” Rose spoke up softly, “Are you okay?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The question almost sent her back into the depths of panic but Rey maintained her composure. </span>
  <span>“I have to be,” she replied simply. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Then she met Rose’s black-brown eyes, “If I want to get Ben through this, I have to be okay. I can’t lose it like I did last time.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rose offered a small but proud smile, “You’re right. You’re Ben’s best hope now.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Just then, the main </span>
  <span>blastdoor</span>
  <span> let out a cheery chime and Kaydel rushed to grant their visitors access. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Poe and Finn marched in, both wearing grim expressions. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Kaydel immediately set herself upon them, talking a million miles a minutes</span>
  <span> with Poe listening intently and nodding briefly in response to her questions. They paused a distance from the kitchen, but Finn made his way over and greeted Rose with a quick hug. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Finn turned to Rey, looking like a beaten down hound. “Hey, Rey,” he greeted quietly with eyes that stared to the floor.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Finn,” she nodded stiffly and then returned to her </span>
  <span>caf</span>
  <span>. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She could sense Finn and Rose exchanging looks together and could practically feel Rose urging Finn to try again. Rey had to stop herself from rolling her eyes in annoyance. </span>
  <span>She didn’t want anything to do with Finn. He was the first person she thought that she could rely on and he threw her to the wolves.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, I’m sorry, Rey. Really. I was awful to you and I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I want you to know, regardless of what happens, that I am sorry.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rey sniffed down at her empty plate. “I appreciate the apology, Finn. But ‘sorry’ isn’t going to save Ben.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She could practically feel Finn trying to hold back </span>
  <span>a </span>
  <span>rush of anger at the brush off and waited patiently for him to implode.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Instead he asked her a heated question that made her nearly bite off her tongue</span>
  <span> at the audacity of it</span>
  <span>. “Poe did the same thing to you </span>
  <span>but</span>
  <span> you forgave <em>him</em>. Why can’t you forgive me too?”</span>
  
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rey whirled to face Finn who now sat in Rose’s old spot. Rose still stood with Finn while Kaydel</span>
  <span> was engrossed</span>
  <span> in a serious conversation</span>
  <span> with </span>
  <span>Poe</span>
  <span> out of earshot. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey was sorely tempted to get up and join them.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well?” Finn prompted impatiently.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Her face schooled into a calm expression though that was the furthest she felt in her friend’s presence. She silently cursed him for destroying the fragile sense of peace </span>
  <span>she’d cultivated in the wake of the trial news. “We</span>
  <span>’</span>
  <span>ll start with the small stuff, then.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rey breathed in sharply and released it slowly before continuing. “First of all, Poe didn’t throw all those horrid insults at me when I arrived like you did. And for the most part, he sat there listening to my story rather than interrupting to shout some more. I know he was livid too, so don’t bother</span>
  <span> trying to tell me he was just as mad </span>
  <span>as you were </span>
  <span>to justify your reactions</span>
  <span>.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“On top of that, </span>
  <span>you held Ben at </span>
  <em>
    <span>blasterpoint</span>
  </em>
  <span> when he was unarmed and cooperating </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    
  </em>
  <span>you</span>
  <em>
    
  </em>
  <span>openly called for his death on the platform. And then after I explained the </span>
  <em>
    <span>entire </span>
  </em>
  <span>situation to you, telling you why I was acting the way I was after Exegol and why I disappeared </span>
  <span>for all those weeks </span>
  <span>and after I </span>
  <em>
    <span>begged</span>
  </em>
  <span> for your help to save my bondmate, you walked out without a word. When I needed you most, you walked away, Finn. And to me, that is unforgivable.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“But Poe walked away too!”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes!” she shouted back at him, drawing the attention of the others who now watched silently with gaping mouths. “Yes</span>
  <span>,</span>
  <span> he did.</span>
  <span> And I am still furious with him.</span>
  <span> But he came back and he has been doing </span>
  <em>
    <span>everything </span>
  </em>
  <span>that he can to fix it. Even if it’s only so that I don’t work for </span>
  <span>Sindian</span>
  <span>,</span>
  <span> at least</span>
  <span> Poe is trying to help me save Ben.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She stared at him, willing him to flinch, to look away, to display some sense of shame, but he didn’t. He held her gaze evenly and returned the fire she gave.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>As if to deliver the killing blow, she spoke up again, quietly this time. “And what have you done, Finn? You didn’t say a word the entire meeting yesterday. Didn’t offer to help or </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Yet you expect me to forgive you.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>This time, Finn did have the gall to look ashamed. He looked away sharply and stood. And just as sharply, he marched out of the apartment with tense shoulders and the Force around him hissing angrily.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rey felt like she had completely deflated. She silently thanked the Maker that she was sitting during that exchange because she surely would have collapsed.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The others approached cautiously. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Why does he have to be so kriffing difficult, right now?” she asked no one in particular.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s hurting, Rey,” Poe replied with a sigh. “In your eyes, he’s betrayed you but you have to remember that in his eyes, you’ve betrayed him too. You’ve kinda betrayed us all, in a way…”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rey huffed hollowly, not disagreeing with him. “And yet you’re still helping me?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Poe shrugged, “Well like you told Finn, it’s</span>
  <span> partly</span>
  <span> because we don’t want you falling into Sindian’s hands. </span>
  <em>
    <span>But</span>
  </em>
  <span> we also saw how messed up you were when Solo was gone and…” he trailed off, sitting next to her. “And we really don’t want that to happen to you again.</span>
  <span> We don’t want to see you in that sort of pain again if we can do anything about it.</span>
  <span>”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rey felt the horribly familiar sting of tears prickle her eyes as she regarded Poe and Rose and Kaydel. “Thank you,” was all she managed.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Kaydel approached and wrapped her arms around her. “That’s what friends are for, Rey. Even with this </span>
  <span>hydrospanner</span>
  <span> lobbed into our plans, we can figure something out.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rey turned to look Poe dead in the eyes. “I am still so incredibly mad at you, you know.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Poe smiled tightly, “Yeah, well I’m still pretty mad at you too, Sandstorm.” He nudged her shoulder</span>
  <span> gently and Rey smiled slightly in response. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“When aren’t we though? Mad at each other?” she joked with Kaydel still wrapped around her shoulders.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The dark haired general shrugged, “You got me there. This is different though. And once we get through it, you and I will sit down and hash it all out. Right now though, we need to focus.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Kaydel gave one final squeeze and released Rey</span>
  <span>. “So what is the plan?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Poe’s face dropped. “We don’t really have much of one…</span>
  <span>”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rey felt her stomach drop in return.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He continued, “With so little time between the now and the trial, we have to scramble to find Solo a representative in court and even then, I don’t know of anyone who might want to defend the Supreme Leader.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She opened her mouth to protest but Poe cut her off.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Sindian is not going to let you defend him as an attorney. Besides, you know nothing about the law, anyway.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“So what am I allowed to do? I have to do something. I’m the only one who can speak up for him!” Her fingers tore at each other as she tried to remain calm and in control of her emotions.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Kaydel nodded in assurance, “And that is why we are going to work on getting you placed as his key witness. If you can get on the stand and testify on his behalf in front of the jury—tell them the good he did on Exegol, about what good he could accomplish if he were still alive—you might just give him a chance. You</span>
  <span> really</span>
  <span> might be Ben’s only hope.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rey</span>
  <span> tried to hide the crestfallen expression</span>
  <span> she knew was painting her face</span>
  <span>. This was what Sindian had offered her before. And now that Rey had more time to consider it with plans of the tribunal in her mind, she saw how weak that play was.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>But now it was the only play she had. And now she had to put all of her hope into it.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rey stood. “Okay. Get me on the stand.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Poe nodded solemnly. He knew their new plan was even more of a long shot than the tri</span>
  <span>bunal plan had been. “Alright, </span>
  <span>Rey</span>
  <span>. I’ll make sure to get you up there. Rose and Kaydel are gonna find attorneys who might be willing to defend Solo, but like I said, not much time. We’ll do the best we can.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She tried to smile gratefully but it came out more like a grimace. “And what of Finn?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Poe froze, eyes darkening and going sad at the same time. “I dunno, Rey. He might come around, he might not. At this point</span>
  <span> though</span>
  <span>, I wouldn’t count on it.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He stood with a few pastries in his hands and nodded at the girls. “I’ve got a lot to do in addition to my duties as General. Let’s meet up again tonight and go over the specs one last time.” </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Poe started for the door.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, Poe!”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He stopped and looked over his shoulder at Rey, who stood with a hand outreached to him. He watched her with a question in his eye. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>It couldn’t hurt to ask, she reasoned with herself as he waited for her to come out with it.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben,” she started, “I want to see him. I want to go to his cell and talk to him.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Her friend worked his jaw tightly, working through the request before nodding sharply. “I’ll see what I can do.” </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The </span>
  <span>blastdoor</span>
  <span> hissed shut</span>
  <span> as his heels crossed the threshold</span>
  <span>.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p>
<hr/><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>When Ben woke up, he felt cold. He realized almost immediately that he was no longer in Rey’s room, but back in his cell.</span>
  <span> Alone.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>His heart clenched tightly. He missed her. He had just been with her and already, he missed her.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>But almost immediately after, his heart swelled with warmth as memories of last night flooded his mind. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He hadn’t meant to, but he couldn’t help himself. </span>
  <span>He finally told Rey that he loved her. And even though he knew it—even though he felt it flooding from her constantly—hearing her say it back to him? Nothing could have prepared him for that.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He was stuck in a cell, awaiting a tribunal that in all likelihood would result in a death sentence and he was </span>
  <em>
    <span>happy</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Ecstatic even.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rey loved him. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>That was something that he hadn’t even dared to hope for. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Oh he dreamt of it of course. He could never get himself to stop dreaming of her loving him back, no matter how much he tried to force the matter from his mind.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>But now? Now those sacred words had passed her beautiful lips and </span>
  <span>it was as though his mind and his heart finally agreed with him. It was as though everything in him was saying, </span>
  <em>
    <span>of course she loves me</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Of course she feels the same way as I do. We’re one. We have been and we always will be one</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed, smiling more widely than he could ever remember smiling.</span>
  <span> Thoughts of feeling like this every day </span>
  <span>from now on </span>
  <span>filled him and—</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He</span>
  <span> froze. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Every day?</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The thought of it didn’t repulse him for the first time since coming back to himself</span>
  <span> that fateful day on </span>
  <span>Kef</span>
  <span> Bir</span>
  <span>. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Could he? Could he find it within him to live on?</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span> If he had Rey’s love, could his life still be worth living? He’d done so much evil. He’d hurt so many people. And yet the thought of not experiencing Rey’s love every day turned his stomach</span>
  <span> and sent shards through his soul now</span>
  <span> instead of the thought of living with the guilt.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>His heart raced. He chewed his lip almost to the point of drawing blood. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Dammit. He didn’t deserve to live. He needed to die.</span>
  <span> It was only right that he should die. It was fair. The life of an evil man in retribution for his sins. He didn’t deserve anything else.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>But he didn’t want to </span>
  <span>die </span>
  <span>anymore. He wanted to stay. He wanted to be with Rey. </span>
  <span>He </span>
  <em>
    <span>needed</span>
  </em>
  <span> to be with Rey.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>His beautiful Rey. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Last night, it changed things. Now he wanted everything with her. A home. A future. A life. With her. All of it with her. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Ben wanted </span>
  <span>to be with Rey.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly, he was struck with nerves. What if the tribunal backfired? What if everything Dameron had been trying to do failed and he ended up on the chopping block</span>
  <span>? </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Before last night he was apathetic to it because it didn’t matter what happened. If he was condemned he would die and if he was exiled, he would still die. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Now he cared. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Ben tried steadying his breathing and assumed a meditation pose. Maybe meditation would help him.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The </span>
  <span>blastdoor</span>
  <span> that lead to the cell block opened and someone stalked in. Ben closed his eyes and tried to maintain a neutral expression. It was probably one of the guards coming to deal his daily beating. He stayed still and waited for the being to come in. Would it be that </span>
  <span>Chagrian</span>
  <span> again? He seemed to be one of the guards who enjoyed beating him the most.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The footsteps stopped in front of his cell and stayed there. Ben cracked an eye and noticed one of the more brutish human guards leering at him. His beady eyes were wide with glee and Ben had to withhold a groan. </span>
  <span>Meathands</span>
  <span>, as he liked to call him was the guard who made Ben’s beatings a sport, grinned like a maniac.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve got news, Supreme Leader,” the large man spat</span>
  <span> with a vicious smile</span>
  <span>. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Ben remained silent, quietly watching </span>
  <span>Meathands</span>
  <span>.</span>
  <span> This ought to be good.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He ploughed on, ignoring Ben’s lack of response</span>
  <span>.</span>
  <span> His smile took on an almost manic gleam to it.</span>
  <span> “You’re</span>
  <span> trial date has been announced.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Ben blanched and the world began spinning. He felt like he was going to be sick. Trial? Not tribunal? A trial?</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Meathands</span>
  <span> continued, oblivious to Ben’s reaction. “The First Senator’s office announced it early this morning. It’s been all over the news feeds ever since.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He stared at Ben eagerly, waiting for him to take the bait.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Ben’s ears were ringing and everything sounded as if it were underwater</span>
  <span>. “And when is it?” He asked hoarsely, afraid of the answer.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Meathands</span>
  <span> eyes glinted, “Tomorrow morning.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p>
<hr/><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>After hours of pacing irritably around Rose and Kaydel’s apartment while they were off doing their duties and accomplishing the tasks that Poe set for them, Rey was finally on her way to visit Ben.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She was positive that he had heard</span>
  <span> by now</span>
  <span>. How could he not have heard about it?</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rey was surprised that the others hadn’t sensed the immense relief she felt when Poe finally told her that she was being granted permission to see him.</span>
  <span> Instead, they seemed almost eager to get her out of there. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Kaydel had all but shoved her through the </span>
  <span>blastdoor</span>
  <span> once Beaumont Kin came by to escort her to the Courts of Justice. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She would have to poke around later to see why they wanted her gone so suddenly. Her suspicion was elevated but she tried to remember to trust them anyway.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Right, so,” Beaumont began as they entered the holding area of the Courts, “</span>
  <span>You’ve been granted permission to see the prisoner, but there are going to be some…rules? Limitations?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rey nodded, expecting as much. “And they are?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh the usual,” he stated casually as they passed guards posted at regular intervals, “No touching the prisoner, no secretive conversations—makes the guards nervous I guess, and no mind tricking them.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rey almost cracked a smile at </span>
  <span>the last one. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Now if you choose to have me in the general vicinity, I’d look the other way if you have a mind to </span>
  <span>hug Ren or something. But no snogging. Poe’s told me a bit about what’s going on and I really don’t think I’m ready to see Kylo </span>
  <span>Ren</span>
  <span> kissing </span>
  <span>anyone just yet</span>
  <span>.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She stopped short, stunned. “Beau, you would do that for me?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He stopped and looked back at her, “Of course, Rey. You’re my friend. I’m not a monster. I’m not going to prevent you from touching him. Especially if—</span>
  <span>”</span>
  <span> he cut himself off and shook his head. “I don’t mind. Just don’t want to see any kissing.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She was touched, truly touched at how Beaumont was going about this. He was a member of the Resistance and yet he was willing to look past his hatred and grant Ben some mercy.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Beau,” she said quietly.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He sent her a small half smile and shrugged. “It’s the least I can do.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>They stopped in front of a particular set of </span>
  <span>blastdoors</span>
  <span> with </span>
  <span>a brutal looking </span>
  <span>chagrian</span>
  <span> and fierce </span>
  <span>bothan</span>
  <span>.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey Skywalker is here to visit the prisoner,” Beaumont told them, “Ordered by General Poe Dameron.” He held out his data pad to show the signed orders.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The guards looked at each other wit</span>
  <span>h unreadable eyes and then the </span>
  <span>c</span>
  <span>hagrian</span>
  <span> turned to stare at Rey with unfathomable eyes. His black forked tongue flicked out, once, twice and then he raised his chin.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“This one will need supervision,” he hissed.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Beaumont nodded, “Yes, and I will supervise. No need to leave your posts. I’ll keep a close eye on the visit, fair?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You need a guard to accompany you,” he countered.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Beaumont shook his head. “No. The document clearly states that I am sufficient. General Dameron has visited the prisoner prior and determined that Resistance veterans are enough. You can check it in section 4-56, clause d.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The</span>
  
  <span>B</span>
  <span>othan</span>
  <span> rolled his eyes, fur shifting in annoyance. “Just let them through. I don’t care to read through the legalities of the visit.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The </span>
  <span>C</span>
  <span>hagrian’s</span>
  <span> tongue flicked out again but they both moved aside and let Rey and Beaumont through.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>When the doors slide shut, Rey spoke up. “I thought you said I got to choose who went in with me?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Beaumont looked at her sidelong, “And you wanted one of them? I thought maybe I would have been the more pleasant </span>
  <em>
    <span>chaperone</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rey smiled, “Oh you definitely are. I</span>
  <span> just</span>
  <span> thought I would call you on the bluff because the others weren’t bright enough</span>
  <span> to</span>
  <span>.</span>
  <span>”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She went quiet then and stared down the long hallway that would take her to Ben. </span>
  <span>She could feel him, though faintly. The cell he was placed in must be suppressing his abilities.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>It was difficult not to run ahead of Beaumont, but somehow Rey managed to keep </span>
  <span>pace with him. </span>
  <span>They got closer and she could see the glow of the energy field softly lighting the area. He was in there. And soon, she would get to be in there with him</span>
  <span>, for however short an amount of time</span>
  <span>.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Her heart began to race in anticipation and her hands itched to feel every inch of him.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>And then, she stood before him, his skin tinted blue through the haze of the energy field keeping him contained. His back faced the cell door in one of the meditation poses he drilled into her during their time on Ahch-To, his shoulders rising and falling with each breath. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t turn, didn’t show any signs of noticing her presence. For a short moment, she wondered if perhaps he just didn’t want to see her, but then she remembered. He was being suppressed right now. He couldn’t feel her even if he was trying.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rey cleared her throat softly. </span>
  <span>Seeing him imprisoned, it hurt. It really hurt and she wasn’t sure if she could stay strong while seeing him like this. “Ben,</span>
  <span>”</span>
  <span> she spoke softly, unable to speak any more loudly for the lump in her throat. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Ben froze mid-breath and then slowly turned his head over his shoulder</span>
  <span>, as if unsure he’d heard anything at all. When he caught sight of her, his amber eyes widened and he all but flew to his feet. In one long stride, he was at the cell door, hand outstretched in search of hers. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey,” he b</span>
  <span>reathed back as their hands reached for each other. They both stopped shy of the field, not wanting to be shocked.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Beaumont Kin stepped forward. “If you can bear to move away for a moment, I can let you in.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rey blinked, having forgotten that Beaumont was there at all. Silently she stepped away but kept her eyes on Ben’s</span>
  <span> as her friend entered in a series of numbers on the control panel to the left of Ben’s cell</span>
  <span>.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The energy field covering the cell door blinked out of </span>
  <span>existence and the room was silent. Beaumont moved out of the way and assumed a casual position on a nearby bench, data pad held out before him as though it was the most interesting thing in the world.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Without realizing it, Rey’s feet carried her to the threshold of the cell where Ben stood. They regarded each other for the space of several heartbeats before a half choked sob broke from Ben and that spurred Rey into action.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She practically jumped into his arms and he somehow managed to catch her, though he stumbled back a step or two. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rey burrowed her face into his shoulder and Ben clung to her for dear life. More broken sobs escaped him and the tightness in Rey’s throat was almost too much for her to speak through.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>I’m so sorry,” she keened. “I’m so sorry that I did this. I—I didn’t think that Sindian would get her payback like this. I didn’t realize that she would go after you…”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She felt like she was going to throw up. “It’s all my fault, Ben. I was so stupid. I’m sorry.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>It had been eating away at her all day. She hid it well, but she felt like she was dying inside. The </span>
  <span>situation was dire. Sindian’s move against Rey hurt Ben and his chances of survival. The fact that he was now facing a trial made things so much worse. And the fact that the trial was set for tomorrow morning? Barely more than twelve hours away? </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She felt paralyzed in her fear for what tomorrow would bring.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Of course Poe and Rose and Kaydel had done what they could. Rey trusted that they did. But it clearly wasn’t going to be enough.</span>
  <span> They found a pair of attorneys</span>
  <span> for Ben and Poe pulled rank to get her placed as a witness for the defendant. But the message Sindian sent with the trial announcement was more than enough for Rey to recognize what was going on.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t going to be a fair trial. Even if it had been, Ben’s chances were low. Now? Now they were nonexistent.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rey’s eyes burned. She felt exhausted and stressed and completely heart broken.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Had it really only been a day since Ben appeared in her room? </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>His body still shook with soft cries and Rey tightened her hold on him.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben,” she whispered quietly enough that Beaumont couldn’t hear her. “I promise you, it will be okay. No matter what. We’ll survive this. You have attorneys now. They best we could get. I've spoken to them, told them everything I could—”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Ben pulled away from her. “You can’t promise anything, Rey. You know as well as I do that I’m not going to make it through this."</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>His bitter words stung her, but in her heart she knew that they were true. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She looked around wildly, searching for a solution, any solution. What could she do? What could she do, what could she do?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>One came to mind. But it was stupid and could easily result in both of their deaths</span>
  <span>. She met Ben’s eyes and his grip on her tightened. He had seen the half-baked scheme.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head violently. “No. No!”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rey glared at him. “Why not?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Ben returned the glare ten-fold. “Because you’ll end up dead. And I probably would too.” He swallowed heavily. “I won’t let you risk that, Rey. And if we somehow succeeded, we would both be hunted until they caught us. Sindian would spare no expense for the Supreme Leader and traitor Jedi who broke him out of jail.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rey pulled from him, “But it’s your only chance, Ben. We both know how tomorrow is going to go. It doesn’t matter what I have to say. Doesn’t matter what your attorneys do. Sindian is going to get a guilty verdict out of the jury and then execution will clearly be the sentence.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“If I can get you out of here, at least we have a chance. At least we could try to run away and—“</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“And what? Have a peaceful life? I already said that they’ll hunt us until we’re found. And they will find us. You don’t think there are already dozens of tracking fobs out there with my DNA?” He tore his hands through his hair. “All it will take is one </span>
  <em>
    <span>good</span>
  </em>
  
  <span>Mandalorian</span>
  <span> to find us.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“The </span>
  <span>Mandalorians</span>
  <span> don’t stand a chance against two Jedi. I’d like to see them try.” She huffed back at him, absolutely frustrated that he wouldn’t even consider it. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>His dark eyes smoldered at her and she was suddenly aware of how close they were. She couldn’t</span>
  <span> argue with him like this</span>
  <span>—couldn’t think like this.</span>
  <span> She needed space.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rey pulled herself out of his grip and took a few steps back. </span>
  <span>“Please, Ben. It could be the only way.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Ben laughed softly, his eyes heartbroken and staring over her shoulder, no longer listening to her pleas. “I should have listened to you. We should have turned back when we had the chance.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>His eyes drifted to meet hers again and they shone with unshed tears. “I should have left the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Supremacy </span>
  </em>
  <span>with you when I had the chance… I wasted so much time.” He sat heavily on his cot, elbows to knees.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rey inhaled sharply.</span>
  <span> He was right. So much time had been wasted. An entire year, in fact. But it was pointless to wish that he had come with her</span>
  <span> then</span>
  <span>. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>So much regret for what could have been played clearly for her through those broken whiskey eyes. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The space she put between them was too much. She found herself kneeling between his legs, grasping his hands tightly and pressing their foreheads together. Their breath mingled for a moment.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s no use wishing that we had done things differently that day, Ben.” She released on hand so that she could graze his cheek and jawbone. “Things would have turned out differently, but that’s not what happened. We need to focus on the here and now.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She held his eyes firmly in her gaze, “I need you to survive this so that we can have our life back. Okay?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Ben’s eyes dimmed as the fight left him. “Rey…”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben, I can</span>
  <span>’t lose you again. It would</span>
  <span> kill me.” And it really would. Rey knew that she would not survive losing Ben again. She would find her end soon after.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“So I need you to promise me that no matter what happens tomorrow, you will </span>
  <em>
    <span>fight</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Fight to survive. Fight to be with me. Ple</span>
  <span>ase…” she begged him with all that she had, kneeling on the ground before him, urging him to hear her, to listen to her</span>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her heart ached fiercely and she hoped that he could feel how desperate she felt right now. She needed him. She could not lose him.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Almost imperceptibly, Ben nodded.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>If she could feel relief right now, she surely would have collapsed into him. But now she needed to plan. She needed to figure out how to get him out of here once the trial and sentencing took place. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Instead, she spared </span>
  <span>him </span>
  <span>a small, watery smile and pressed a kiss to his lips. He responded fiercely and Rey felt as though she was being set ablaze. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oi! Whispering lovebirds, the </span>
  <span>one</span>
  <span> r</span>
  <span>ule</span>
  <span> I set was ‘no kissing!’” Beaumont Kin protested with a hiss from his bench.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rey broke the kiss with a start and glanced over her shoulder, trying to put on </span>
  <span>what she hoped was </span>
  <span>a semi-normal air. “What, not even one, Beaumont?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>No kissing</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” was all he said back, not even bothering to look up from his data pad.  </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Despite the grave conversation she and Ben were recovering from, they both laughed a little bit. Beaumont’s interruption broke the tension and now they stared at each other with sad expressions, but the frustrations and anger </span>
  <span>from before </span>
  <span>had dissipated. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>I’m surprised he’s let me touch you, let alone even allowing you in my cell in the first place,” Ben murmured quietly.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rey smiled softly. “Beau</span>
  <span>mont</span>
  <span> is a good </span>
  <span>friend of</span>
  <span> mine. He told me he’</span>
  <span>d allow it based on </span>
  <span>our…circumstances. But he clearly set a rule that I</span>
  <span>’ve already</span>
  <span> broke</span>
  <span>n</span>
  <span> not even ten minutes into our visit…</span>
  <span>so we had best not cross him again. He’s already been so kind.</span>
  <span>”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Ben looked over Rey’s shoulder at the sandy haired professor turned Resistance fighter who stared down at the pad in his hands with great interest. “I should thank him.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I already have,” she replied softly. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He hummed in response, eyes distant for a moment. Then he looked at her fully and took in her appearance.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>His brows drew together. “Where are all these new outfits coming from?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rey looked down at her clothing. She</span>
  <span> was wearing another one of Sindian’s rejected outfits, a simple yellow blouse with cuffs that extended to the middle of her forearms and white pants. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She pulled on the lightly puffed sleeve, “What this?”</span>
  <span> she laughed nervously</span>
  <span>, “Well you see, Sindian sent an entire wardrobe of rejected clothing to me when I was supposed to work with her and Rose and I might have stolen the more…casual pieces?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Ben snorted, “Once a scavenger, I guess.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Her chee</span>
  <span>ks heated</span>
  <span> but she smiled at the fond look he was giving her. “Always a scavenger,” she finished.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He looked over her again, “I like it. Yellow suits you.”</span>
  <span> He cleared his throat, as though embarrassed, “Actually, any color suits you.</span>
  <span> You’re absolutely beautiful.</span>
  <span>”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The warmth in her cheeks spread. “I would say the same for you. Except I think the only other color I’ve seen you wear</span>
  <span> other than black</span>
  <span> is white and that was only one time.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Ben rolled his eyes. “I’ve got a preference and honestly, I don’t think I would look great in anything else.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I doubt that very much.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Another snort. “Anyw</span>
  <span>ay. I was complimenting you</span>
  <span>, not looking for a commentary on the lack of color in my wardrobe</span>
  <span>. You’ve</span>
  <span> deflect</span>
  <span>ed</span>
  <span> again</span>
  <span>, Rey. You do that a lot.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rey bit at her bottom lip. It was true. She wasn’t very good at taking compliments. Especially from him.</span>
  <span> It just felt strange. She’d lived her life in a desert where looks didn’t matter. And when they did, it wasn’t a good thing. The pretty ones always ended up sold into slavery</span>
  <span>. So she’d never considered beauty a good thing…</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>When she first became friends with Rose and Kaydel, they showered her with compliments. They told her how pretty she was, how lovely her eyes and skin were, anything and everything and she didn’t know how to handle it.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>And then Ben started telling her how beautiful he thought she was and it made her deliriously happy that he found her attractive. But still, she didn’t really know how to respond aside from complimenting him back or deflecting.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry,” she apologized. “You know how hard it is for me to accept them. But I appreciate it and I love it when you do.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Ben smiled at her sadly, “I know. I just want you to know how beautiful I think you are in case everything goes south for me tomorrow.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Her stomach clenched and she swallowed heavily. “I don’t want to think about that, Ben. Can we talk about something else? Anything else?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey…” he trailed off, his eyes expressing a deep sadness</span>
  <span> that pierced her through</span>
  <span>, “We can’t ignore this. I’m going on trial tomorrow and we need to accept that things are not going to be as we hoped.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Tremors wracked through her body as her throat tightened. Ben took her hands in his and tried to soothe the shaking away. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She was so terrified of what might happen tomorrow. She had tried to not think about it at all, but had failed most of the day. And now, she was being confronted with the cold hard facts once more.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Ben was going on trial tomorrow and he was right, it more than likely wasn’t going to go the way that they hoped it would. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>It made her all the more determined to break him out before it was too late. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rey met his eyes fiercely, forcing all fear to flee before her determination. “We’re going to get through this, Ben. And then you can tell me I’m beautiful every damn day for the rest of our lives.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The sadness </span>
  <span>in his eyes amplified. “Rey.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s time to go, Rey.” Beaumont called from out</span>
  <span>side the cell. He was standing near the entrance and trying to grant them some semblance of privacy.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rey swallowed. “This isn’t our end. There’s more to our story, Ben. I know it.” She stood and Ben followed.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He opened his arms to her and she stepped into his embrace. “I just don’t want you to get your hopes up, Rey,” Ben murmured into her hair. “</span>
  <span>I</span>
  <span> want you to be prepared.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t know what else she could say to that, so she just nodded </span>
  <span>numbly </span>
  <span>against his firm chest and held him tightly.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Rey</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Beaumont called with a bit of impatience, “The guards are getting antsy. It’s time to go.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rey lifted herself up onto her tip-toes and planted a soft kiss on Ben’s lips all the while trying to control the nausea that </span>
  <span>threatened to make her sick all over his cell</span>
  <span>.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Ben whispered as he pressed one final kiss to her hair. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben</span>
  <span>,</span>
  <span> I—“ she tried calling out, but Beaumont was already walking them down the hall and back to the </span>
  <span>blastdoor</span>
  <span> where the guards stood scowling.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She blinked, shocked at the swift end to their time together and so scared for tomorrow.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p>
<hr/><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What are we supposed to do?” Rose asked the small group of people sitting forlornly in her living room.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>They</span>
  <span> sent Rey off to see Ben in his cell a while back and Rose was grateful for it. They had a lot to talk about and having Rey involved was not wise in the slightest. The less she knew, the better. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What can we do?” Poe asked dully, “Rey ditched Sindian and</span>
  <span> now Sindian’s retaliated</span>
  <span>. It doesn’t matter what we do now. Solo is as good as dead.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Kaydel rubbed at her face with </span>
  <span>frustration smearing her mascara a bit</span>
  <span>. “We can’t let that happen, Poe. You know how bad it was for Rey the first time around.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rose remembered. Her heart squeezed as she recalled those dark weeks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I</span>
  <span>t was bad. At first, Rose thought that the lone Jedi was simply experiencing battle shock. Rose herself had spent most of the flight back to Ajan Kloss in shock, so she thought that she recognized the signs in Rey. Listlessness, disconnection from her surroundings and more. But after it didn’t go away after a week, Rose began to suspect that it was something else. And it didn’t really matter what she did to get Rey to open up. Rey just wasn’t interested.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>There was more than one occasion when Rose found Rey hidden in an abandoned tunnel, sobbing as though her heart had been wrenched out. She never tried to ask Rey about what was causing it. She knew she wouldn’t get any answers.</span>
  <span> So, to her shame, she pretended that she hadn't seen anything, for both hers and Rey's sakes.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Kay, it’s a </span>
  <em>
    <span>trial</span>
  </em>
  <span>. And I c</span>
  <span>an guarantee that the jury</span>
  <span> is going to be influenced by Sindian somehow to make the worst possible outcome for Solo. And that’s a</span>
  <span>fter they vote guilty</span>
  <span>. Not that they wouldn’t anyway, the guy is pretty terrible</span>
  <span> and there’s no point in pretending that he isn’t guilty</span>
  <span>. But he has no chance in a trial. <em>Not a chance.</em>” Poe flopped back against the couch’s cushion and lobbed his head over the crest. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Poe went on, talking at the ceiling, </span>
  <span>“With a tribunal, we might have saved him. But with a trial? It’s going to be done in a day. He’ll be convicted and sentenced in less than twenty-four standard hours. Probably executed by the end of the week, too.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>They all went silent at that.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Poor Rey. Rose felt awful for her. While she didn’t exactly agree with her choice</span>
  <span> regarding Ben</span>
  <span>, it was heartbreaking to see such a young romance being cut so violently short. It was going to crush her.</span>
  
</p><p> </p><p><span>With a pit in her stomach, her traitorous mind whispered the awful truth.</span><em><span>No,</span></em> <em>worse, </em>it murmured.<em><span> It will do more than just crush her.</span></em></p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rose stole a look at the only companion who had not uttered a single word since they began discussing Ben Solo’s </span>
  <span>impending </span>
  <span>trial once more. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Finn sat with his elbows on his knees, scowling at the carpet. It was no secret that he didn’t approve of their foolhardy mission to save the former Supreme Leader from his fate. It was also no secret that one of the reasons why he’d been so bitter about it was because he still had feelings for Rey. Rose chewed on the inside of her cheek, willing the sting in her chest to subside.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Of course it was not the sole reason why Finn didn’t want to help Ben Solo, but it was one of the many reasons. But still, </span>
  <span>Rose</span>
  
  <span>wished that it wasn’t one of the reasons…</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Unfortunately, it was clear to her. Finn still cared about Rey</span>
  <span> in a way</span>
  <span> that was decidedly more than ‘just friends’. And it made her a little jealous. She was a little jealous of her beautiful, Force-sensitive friend</span>
  <span>. She could admit that, right? It didn’t make a bad person. It <em>didn’t</em>. But the guilt rumbled inside her gut anyway, making her feel ill.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>And then she shook herself of the thought. It was</span>
  <span>n’t right of her to be jealous of Rey</span>
  <span>. Especially with </span>
  <span>the looming tragedy </span>
  <span>that was about to occur</span>
  <span>. Her heart twinged a little. How awful was it to find love and then have it ripped away so soon?</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rose sighed unhappily. How could she help her friend?</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t know. They’d spent every spare moment that they could on figuring out how to ensure a lighter sentence, but they just didn’t have enough time. The trial’s surprise announcement had sent all of them into panic mode. And they had made some progress.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Just not enough.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Poe had to fight </span>
  <em>
    <span>hard</span>
  </em>
  <span> to get Rey on the witness stand and Rose and Kaydel’s search for a good…or even decent, attorney who would be willing to take on Kylo Ren as a client was not easy.</span>
  <span> And even though they’d succeeded in that task, the attorneys had been barred from visiting Ben. So they had to make due with second ha</span>
  <span>nd information via Poe, Rose,</span>
  <span> Kaydel</span>
  <span> and thankfully, Rey</span>
  <span>.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rey was the one they really want to see. She’d been able to provide good information that helped them form a case. In fact, she was the one who convinced them to take Ben on as a client. They felt that what she had to say on Ben's behalf was very promising.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>From the corner of her eye, Rose saw Finn straighten up and then look around the room. He cleared his throat and that was enough to draw Poe and Kaydel’s attention to him.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rose turned her head and watched Finn quietly.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What if we broke him out?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Stunned silence.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what?” Kaydel broke the quiet that took over the room.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Poe was staring at Finn in</span>
  <span> open-mouthed astonishment mingled with a significant amount of annoyance. </span>
  <span>“Are you kidding me, man? You just sit there for </span>
  <em>
    <span>two d</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>ays</span>
  </em>
  <span> offering nothing and now you’re saying we bust the galaxy’s biggest criminal out of prison?” He shook his head, “Why? What changed?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Finn stared at Poe, his jaw working silently, “I made a mistake with Rey. I lost contr</span>
  <span>ol of my temper and I pushed her</span>
  <span> away because of it. I pushed her right into Sindian’s arms and it’ll be my fault if Ren ends up dead…” </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He stopped and swallowed hard, </span>
  <span>expression filled with guilt.</span>
  <span> “It’ll be my fault if Rey ends up heartbroken. Or worse...”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone watched Finn as he tried to work some more of his feelings out. “I saw how she looked at him on that platform. I heard how she talked about him in the conference room. And I hate it. I hate it so much that she’s in love with that </span>
  <em>
    <span>monster</span>
  </em>
  <span>…” </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He trailed off, squeezing his eyes shut as if he were in pain. “But I can’t stand the idea of being the reason why my best friend loses the love of her life. </span>
  <span>I couldn’t live with myself if he died and she ended up more broken than she was before.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Finn clamped his mouth shut and looked around the room, meeting everyone’s eyes with determination. “So yeah. I say we break Ren out of his cell and help him escape. For Rey.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Kaydel spoke up, her brows still near her hairline. “Okay, suppose we </span>
  <span>miraculously </span>
  <span>succeed in getting him out, which is </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> going to be easy, by the way. You do realize that Sindian will call for a manhunt, right? Like she will tear the galaxy apart to find him.” </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She kneaded her temples with her fingers, “Like I’m talking bounty hunters, law enforcement, the Republic’s Navy—every resource she can spare will go to hunting him down. Especially now that it’s been so widely broadcasted that they have Ren in custody.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rose thought that Kaydel had a very good point, but she was intrigued all the same. Not even bothering to figure out how to get him out—because how would they even go about doing that?— she wondered how </span>
  <span>they would be able to keep him out of custody.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“The New Republic’s presence is almost nonexistent in the Outer Rim. And honestly, with the state of the government right now, it’s even extremely limited in the Mid Rim. They don’t bother with Hutt Space or the Unknown Regions either, so he has half the galaxy to hide in,” Finn reasoned, gesturing with his hands quickly to make his point.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“And what about bounty hunters?” Rose deadpanned.</span>
  <span> Those were the real problem. Especially if they were a well trained Mandalorian.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Kaydel nodded, “He’s going to have a real problem with bounty hunters. He’ll be on the run for the rest of his life evading them. I can guarantee you that there will be hundreds of tracking fobs infused with his DNA out there</span>
  <span> within the week if he gets out</span>
  <span>.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Finn almost snorted in amusement, “He’s Kylo Ren. Do you really think that bounty hunters stand a chance against him?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rose narrowed her eyes</span>
  <span> and met Kaydel’s from across the room with skepticism</span>
  <span>. She supposed that he would have a better shot</span>
  <span> than most</span>
  <span> of surviving constant assassins coming after him, but still. It only took one successful hunt and it would be over for him.</span>
  
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Poe?” Kaydel called out to the scruffy, dark haired general who was leaning back in his chair looking thoughtful.</span>
  <span> “Come on, this is crazy, right? We can’t break Kylo Ren out of prison.” </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Poe sat forward and rested his elbows on his knees and cupped his chin in contemplation. </span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Rose was about to interject her other concerns over Finn’s grand idea when Poe finally decided to respond.</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s crazy,” he started, “But, hell I think I’m in.”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Kaydel nearly screeched, “Poe, it’s an insane idea! There is slim to none chance that we can break him out in the first place. And if we get caught? We’re dead!”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“We need to do this,” he argued back, “For Rey. We royally screwed up in not helping her when she asked and now she’s going to suffer because of it. If we can get him out of here, we don’t lose Rey all over again. Like you said earlier Kay, it was bad for Rey last time. Imagine how much worse it’ll be for her now that she’s actually with the guy?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Guilt shadowed Kaydel’s face and she s</span>
  <span>unk into her seat. “I know, Poe. You don’t need to remind me.</span>
  <span>”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Poe met everyone’s eyes. “So are we doing this?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>They all nodded. Kaydel was right, though. They needed to be so careful. They couldn’t risk getting caught. It would be treason if t</span>
  <span>hey were caught. They would need to come up with airtight alibis, tech to scramble security cams and droids, a place to hide, a ship to get him off planet. A way to keep Rey completely out of the way because she would be Sindian's prime suspect if they some how succeeded—</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I have a bad feeling about this.” </span>
  
  
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Big moments for Ben and Finn here! I'm happy to say that they have both officially come around. Good job boys, I am so proud of you both. Although Ben's is pretty ill-timed. But like...that's kinda his thing? At least in my opinion haha.</p><p>And uh-oh, Rey and her buddies are planning their own prison breaks. Are they going to interfere with each other? Will they be successful? Will it even matter?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. The Trial Begins</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi guys! </p><p>I present to you part one of the trial. Some big emotional moments in this one. I hope you enjoy it!</p><p>Update on current writings: I am nine pages into chapter 29, which is about 1.5 scenes written out of 5. So I might be splitting 29... Ugh. Or yay? </p><p>But 29 is a really big plot point. Which means that it'll take me at least two weeks to write. And right now, I'm still unsure of how to proceed. I'm bouncing ideas off of my husband and I think we're going to write out ideas tonight and hopefully that'll give me better direction. But I want to love 29 and I really want it to work. So hopefully I can get things going there soon so that we can stick to the posting schedule.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX: The Trial Begins</p><p> </p><p>Ben awoke the next morning with a start.</p><p> </p><p>Several beings stood inside and outside of his cell, including the rough Chagrian who leered at him with a flickering black tongue. It took him a moment to register what was going on before his eyes landed on a wicked looking pair of binders.</p><p> </p><p><em>Oh. Right</em>.</p><p> </p><p>His stomach roiled with nausea. It was the morning of the trial. And this welcoming committee of guards was here to escort him to the courtroom.</p><p> </p><p>Ben forced several lungfuls of air through his nose to try to control the awful feeling in his gut but his heart continued to beat rapidly, making him feel slightly light headed and shaky.</p><p> </p><p>He was grateful for his jailer’s most recent occurrence of mealtime neglect. If he’d been given anything to eat, he would have puked it back up by now.</p><p> </p><p>One of the guards roughly shoved the binders on his wrists and made them uncomfortably tight. And by the smirk on the man’s face, it was clearly intentional. He had been on the receiving end of a few more batterings last night and the rough motions made his new bruises ache deeply as he was wrenched from his cell.</p><p> </p><p>Ben withheld a grimace and kept his face carefully neutral, almost channeling the dead persona of Kylo Ren.</p><p> </p><p>He was marched out of the holding block of the building he’d been forced to reside in over the last few days and then, blinking at the sudden brightness of daylight, realized that he was being taken to a large transport.</p><p> </p><p>“What, the trial isn’t being held in the <em>Courts of Justice?</em>” he couldn’t help but biting out sarcastically.</p><p> </p><p>All that earned him was a blaster butt to the back. He grunted but kept his pace. Soon he was inside the transport, locked in place and being carefully watched by all eight of the guards. Each had a blaster trained on some vital part of his body and he had to try really hard not to snort at the excessiveness of their display.</p><p> </p><p>His amusement <em>almost</em> staved off the panic and nausea that currently twisted his gut into unrecognizable shapes. Key word being almost.</p><p> </p><p>Within moments, the transport lifted off and rose rapidly through the skylanes. Ben watched through the view port as much as he could without drawing the attention of the guards, but he had a pretty good idea of where they were heading.</p><p> </p><p>The Senate Rotunda was the perfect place to broadcast his trial throughout the galaxy. The Convocation Chamber was just the right amount of foreboding and awe-inspiring to create a dramatic back drop and the repulsorpods would allow news broadcasters enough access as to get a nice good look at his face.</p><p> </p><p>The symbolism was not lost on him either. A former warlord facing his fate in the beating heart of democracy?</p><p> </p><p>Sindian chose her stage well.</p><p> </p><p>Ben shivered and tried not to think about what was waiting for him inside the grand building.</p><p> </p><p>He kept his eyes down to the floor as he was grabbed and shoved out of the transport.</p><p> </p><p>But then he heard the yelling, the jeering of a massive crowd and instinctively he looked up.</p><p> </p><p>A mistake.</p><p> </p><p>The color drained from his face.</p><p> </p><p>Thousands of beings, ranging from red-faced humans to diminutive toydarians and more pushed against massive barriers that lined the grand promenade from his transport to the entrance of the Rotunda. They jeered and spat and screamed at him.</p><p> </p><p>His pride alone kept his posture ramrod straight as he passed the echoing shouts and hisses, thanking his mother’s insistence of proper etiquette while he was a young child. A small part of him was thankful for his time with the First Order as well, which instilled in him the importance of appearing rigid and intimidating. Inside though, his heart pounded and he truly felt like he was going to retch now. Somehow, with his mouth clamped firmly shut, he kept it all in.</p><p> </p><p>Ben tried to keep his eyes trained forward, but they were drawn by the massively inhumanly humanoid sculptures that gleamed gold in the early morning light. They appeared unforgiving and served to remind him of the lack of mercy he was going to receive inside the halls of the Senate Rotunda. As his eyes tracked the massive statues, he caught the looks of pure, unadulterated hatred shot his way from the thousands of bystanders. The loathing he felt emanating from them was stifling and he had to shut himself off from the Force to keep himself moving.</p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t anything less than he deserved. He would let it wash over him once he was inside to remind him why he was here. And to remind him of why he deserved to die.</p><p> </p><p>One particular voice stood out from the crowd. “Murderer!” a red skinned Zabrak screeched at him. “Monster! Snake!”</p><p> </p><p>Ben recoiled from the familiar words and made sure not to look around anymore. But he couldn’t let himself stare down at the ground. So he kept his gaze straight ahead, memorizing the details of the exquisite Rotunda in an effort to ignore it all.</p><p> </p><p>But the jeering and atmosphere of the crowd thoroughly reminded him of every last bit of evil he had done over the past seven years. It reignited the wretch within him and that withered, broken part of his consciousness began whispering words of self-hatred and hopelessness all over again.</p><p> </p><p><em>This is what you deserve,</em> the broken part of him mocked with a ragged voice. <em>You are a murderer. You are a monster. You do not deserve to walk away from this. You deserve death. It is only right for all the blood you have spilled. Think of the mourning mothers and wives who have lost everything because of you. Think of the star systems you’ve ravaged. Of the people you enslaved in Snoke’s name. </em></p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Think of your own family, whose blood stains your hands. You will always be stained by the blood of your father. You will always carry the weight of his death. You will carry the burden of your mother and uncle’s deaths too.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Tears burned in his eyes but he held them at bay.</p><p> </p><p>The voice was right of course, after everything he did, he deserved to die. And he wanted it. He wanted to be rid of the pain and the guilt that he was suffering through daily.</p><p> </p><p>A pair of beautifully stubborn hazel eyes flashed before him and he was anchored.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe there was a time where he believed his death was the right course to take. That time passed when he realized that he had something to live for—that he could work to fix his wrongs. And that time passed the moment Rey told him that she loved him.</p><p> </p><p>Those words shouldn’t have given him the strength to fight on and earn his redemption. But they did.</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t want to die. He wanted to live.</p><p> </p><p>Ben cursed himself for being so stupid. For not listening to Rey when she begged him to fly off into the far reaches of the galaxy with her.</p><p> </p><p>It had only been a few days since arriving on Coruscant. But he wondered if maybe they might have found a nice place to settle for the time being by now if he had only listened to Rey.</p><p> </p><p>It was no use to dwell on his most recent mistakes. They could go join the scores of others he’d made in his short thirty years.</p><p> </p><p>For now he needs to focus on keeping one foot in front of the either even as he’s shoved and knocked forward by the guards guiding him into the Rotunda.</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t spare the grand atrium a second glance. He couldn’t even if he wanted to, he was being pushed and shoved so often.</p><p> </p><p>The guards locked him in their iron grips once they entered a vacant turbolift and once the doors shut, they began descending into the bowels of the Rotunda. It was awkwardly silent during the ride down and Ben was tempted to quip something to annoy his angry companions.</p><p> </p><p>He held his tongue. He was Han Solo’s son, but he wasn’t an idiot like his father tended to be. He knew better.</p><p> </p><p>The group of guards escorted him into a bland room and led him to an empty repulsorpod. Ben stepped into in cautiously and was cuffed in. He peered over to see a middle aged man accompanied by an intelligent looking Omwati woman with skin the color of pale mint green and a full crest of white feathers atop her head. She glanced over to him and bowed her head once in greeting before turning her jewel-like indigo eyes back to the front of the room.</p><p> </p><p>Once the others were seated, the repulsorpod levitated upward and out toward a grand version of what he currently sat in.</p><p> </p><p>The Chancellor’s podium.</p><p> </p><p>A man with a shock of silver hair and the most striking eyes peered at him imperiously. My judge, Ben realized with a start.</p><p> </p><p>Ben cast a quick glance around the rest of the repulsorpod for other faces he might recognize. He caught Carise Sindian’s dark eyed smirk near the back of the lift and scowled right back.</p><p> </p><p>Two other repulsorpods elevated to roughly the same height as the large one where the judge sat, filled with beings. Those must be the jury.</p><p> </p><p>Each juror stared down at him with varying levels of disgust and hatred.</p><p> </p><p>Ben felt like retching all over again as he stared his fate in the eyes.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Rey startled awake to the sound of her chrono chirping. Her night was awful, full of waking nightmares and fitful dreams, intermittent planning and halfhearted attempts at meditating. All the while longing for the phantom warmth of Ben by her side…</p><p> </p><p>She inhaled deeply and screwed her eyes shut tightly, willing the sun to turn back so that she and Ben might never have to face this day.</p><p> </p><p>But it had come all the same and now, for better or for worse they would face it. There was only one thing that she knew for certain and that was that Ben Solo would not die.</p><p> </p><p>She just didn’t know how quite yet.</p><p> </p><p>Rey kicked her legs over the bed and made her way to the ‘fresher. The woman who looked back in the mirror could have been a stranger. Bloodshot eyes were weighed down by heavy, dark circles and her tan skin had taken on a  sickly, pale pallor that made her freckles look like dark spots of ink splotched all over her face.</p><p> </p><p>In short, she looked awful.</p><p> </p><p>She looked helplessly at her reflection in the mirror and watched her bloodshot eyes grow redder with the burn of unshed tears. Then she inhaled sharply and grit her teeth. <em>No more of that</em>, she told herself firmly.</p><p> </p><p>She wasn’t helpless.</p><p> </p><p>She was strong and she was going to get Ben out of danger no matter what. She might not know yet what exactly needed to be done, but she knew that when the moment came, it would come to her.</p><p> </p><p>At the very least, she had a vague idea of what she needed to do.</p><p> </p><p>Rey nodded once at her reflection and left her room to go knock on Kaydel’s door.</p><p> </p><p>The young, blonde politician opened her door at once, fully dressed and done up for the day. Rey was surprised. She’d gotten up at 06:30 galactic standard time and hadn’t expected anyone else to be up yet. They weren’t due to be at the Senate Rotunda until 08:30, so it wasn’t like they needed to rush or anything.</p><p> </p><p>Kaydel must have understood Rey’s silence as confusion so she smiled and explained.</p><p> </p><p>“I figured you were going to be up early today. And I wanted to be ready early enough so that I could help you get ready. We need to show Sindian that you’re in control here. And what better way to send that message than through her preferred language?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey cracked a small smile. “That’s a really good idea,” she agreed and followed Kaydel back into her room.</p><p> </p><p>About fifteen minutes into Kaydel’s make-up ministrations, another knock sounded at the door and Rose entered, also dressed and made up.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh good, I was just coming in to see if you still wanted to get Rey up and get her ready,” she said when she saw Rey sitting in a chair while Kaydel dabbed a lightweight foundation all over her face.</p><p> </p><p>Kaydel nodded and stayed focused, “She actually came to me.”</p><p> </p><p>“No kidding!” Rose smiled and leaned against the counter before instructed to start working on Rey’s hair.</p><p> </p><p>“Rose and I think that it’s best for you to look as much as the Last Jedi as possible. And right now, everyone knows that you wear white and, of course, everyone knows your signature hairdo.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey hummed in absentminded agreement. “Alright. I think I stole a few white outfits from Sindian, so I’ll grab one of those when we’re done here.”</p><p> </p><p>“No need,” Rose interjected as she pinned the second bun into place. “I took the liberty of grabbing the one that’s most appropriate and got it pressed yesterday—man I can’t believe I lived without all this convenience—anyways, it’s hanging up in my closet now. I’ll get it when I’ve finished.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks, Rose.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt warmth fill her chest at her friend’s simple gesture.</p><p> </p><p>And then she felt bad all over again. She had been so close to throwing their friendship away just two days before. She was so grateful that Rose had been there to talk sense into both her and Poe.</p><p> </p><p>Rose was a better friend than she deserved. Kaydel too. They’d welcomed her into their home even after the Sindian debacle without any ill feelings.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey! Don’t you dare smudge that lipstick, Rey,” Kaydel scolded while Rey dwelled on her fortune at having the two girls as her friends.</p><p> </p><p>Rey shot an apologetic glance up at the blonde. “Sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>A few moments later, Rey was finished and dressed in a sensible white jumpsuit. The sleeves came down to her wrists and puffed out slightly above the cuffs while the pants remained sleek down to the ankle. It reminded her of something Leia might wear. That fact alone gave her comfort.</p><p> </p><p>Rose was busy pouring caf for everyone and Kaydel was forcing food onto Rey’s plate. For obvious reasons, Rey didn’t have an appetite, but at Kaydel’s insistence, she made herself take a few bites. It tasted like sawdust.</p><p> </p><p>She was really worried about Ben. Her poking at their bond earlier hadn’t gotten any results and it made her suspect that he closed off his side. Again.</p><p> </p><p>Her knee jiggled in agitation at the thought. How could she be there for him if he kept doing this? And especially today, Rey thought that his side would be wide open, looking for her support and strength. Maker only knew she could use some of his as well.</p><p> </p><p>The main door chimed and Rey hurried over to answer. It must be Finn and Poe, she decided and tapped on the control panel to let them in.</p><p> </p><p>Rey almost staggered back when the blastdoor opened. Finn and Poe were there, but they were accompanied by three others.</p><p> </p><p><em>“I’m going to kill that stupid brat!”</em> Chewbacca roared as he pushed past Rey into the apartment.</p><p> </p><p>The towering Wookiee stomped to the kitchen and sat down, growling to himself as he pulled a basket of pastries toward him.</p><p> </p><p>General Lando Calrissian stood at the threshold with brows raised high as he exchanged looks with Jannah, Poe and Finn. He stamped his cane once and met Rey’s shocked expression.</p><p> </p><p>“Lady Jedi,” he crooned as he met her. “I have to say, every time I see you, you grow more and more lovely. White is such a becoming color on you, my dear.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey blinked out of her astonishment at the old general and Wookiee’s arrival to smile at Lando. “I’m sure that’s not true, General. But I appreciate it all the same.”</p><p> </p><p>“Call me Lando, my dear,” he called over his shoulder as he followed Chewie’s path.</p><p> </p><p>Rey looked up to Jannah, “What? How are you here right now? I had no idea you were coming.”</p><p> </p><p>Jannah smiled quietly. Her lilting accent soothed Rey’s anxieties for a moment when she spoke. “Well, we got a comm from Finn a few days ago and then we really hauled ass when we saw the news break all over the Holonet yesterday.”</p><p> </p><p>She patted Rey’s shoulder as she too passed by, “Come on, you know that those two wouldn’t miss their <em>beloved</em> nephew’s trial for anything.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey couldn’t help but raise a brow at that. Ben was probably anything but beloved to Chewie and Lando right now. He killed his father, their best friend in cold blood, after all. So she couldn’t help herself when she asked them.</p><p> </p><p>“Beloved nephew? Is that how you really feel or is that the sarcasm speaking?”</p><p> </p><p>Chewie growled and Lando’s face tightened even as he tried to laugh it off.</p><p> </p><p>“That kid has screwed up more than I ever thought possible for even a Solo. And I won’t lie to you when I say that I take a lot of issue with his actions…” he trailed and the tightness was suddenly replaced with sorrow. “But he is Han and Leia’s son. And that’ll always mean something to us…”</p><p> </p><p><em>“Han gave his life to bring that welp back. And Leia gave hers too. I don’t want their sacrifices to go to waste.” </em>Chewie said darkly. It pained him to talk about this, it appeared.</p><p> </p><p>It was very clear to Rey, even without feeling it through the Force that Chewie wanted to hate Ben. It was obvious that he was incredibly angry with him. It was obvious that Ben had broken his uncle’s heart on more than one occasion. But Rey knew that Chewie still loved his nephew and for that, Rey was so grateful.</p><p> </p><p>“So are you here for support, then?” she asked the new additions to the group while they ate and drank their fill.</p><p> </p><p><em>“Finn’s asked us to stand as witnesses for Ben’s defense,” </em>Chewie replied through a mouthful of food.</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s mouth dropped. The first time his name was mentioned, it hadn’t registered. But now the dots had connected.</p><p> </p><p> “Finn?”</p><p> </p><p>She turned to look at her friend who stood at the back of their group. His cheeks were flushed dark and he avoided her gaze but he shrugged in acknowledgement.</p><p> </p><p>Poe spoke up, eager to help mend the rift between his two closest friends. “Yeah, Finn surprised us all last night when he told us about them heading in.” Then he sent Rey a significant glance. “He commed them the night Solo was arrested.”</p><p> </p><p>Finn had done that? After all the yelling and the awful words traded between them, Finn had gone on to send for Chewie and Lando while Rey made a deal with the devil.</p><p> </p><p>She felt terrible. Terribly, horribly guilty.</p><p> </p><p>Even through it all, even though he had been so angry with her, he went out of his way to get the help she asked for. The remorse heated her neck and filled her mind with buzzing.</p><p> </p><p>She’d been shoving his attempts of reconciliation away from her viciously. She’d been adamant that their friendship was over, that they had nothing more to say to each other but from the beginning he had been trying to make it better between them.</p><p> </p><p>Rey needed to talk to him. She needed to apologize to Finn.</p><p> </p><p>She was still <em>so </em>angry with him. But she needed to say something that could help them move past the rift that had developed between them.</p><p> </p><p>She whirled away and sat on one of the sofas, hot shame consuming her. She needed a moment to herself—a moment to think.</p><p> </p><p>After an uncomfortable moment, the conversation in the kitchen resumed and Poe spoke up again.</p><p> </p><p>“We need to get going now if we want to get our witnesses in their positions. I’ve got a transport large enough on platform twenty-seven to fit all of us.”</p><p> </p><p>Kaydel jumped up, “Let’s get going then.” She smiled as she brushed past Poe, her hand resting against his upper arm for a moment before she ducked her head with a pink blush and hastily made for the exit.</p><p> </p><p>Rose and Jannah followed after her, their heads bowed together in conversation. Lando and Poe trailed after them and Chewie stood, looking back to where Rey sat.</p><p> </p><p><em>“Are you coming, Little One?”</em> he asked gently. Rey’s eyes moved from the plush rug she’d been staring holes into and forced a smile.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, I’ll be right down.”</p><p> </p><p>The great Wookiee yowled softly and began to walk away.</p><p> </p><p>“Chewie?” Rey’s voice came unbidden. He stopped and turned to look at her, bright blue eyes curious. She swallowed heavily, overcome with emotion.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you,” she said, wanting him to feel how grateful she was, “for coming here to help him. I know how hard it must be for you to be here. But it will mean such a great deal to him to see you.”</p><p> </p><p>Chewie’s shoulders drooped, <em>“We’ll see,”</em> he replied simply. He changed the subject. “<em>Ben’s chances don’t look good, do they?”</em></p><p> </p><p>Rey felt her face crumple momentarily. “No. No they don’t.” Then she met his eyes once more, fiercely determined. “But I won’t let anything happen to him.”</p><p> </p><p>Chewbacca smiled down at her sadly and left the room without another word.</p><p> </p><p>That left Finn, who was watching her with dull eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Rey gulped. She had to do this. She needed to at least thank him and hopefully apologize for some of her behavior. Her heart was not ready to fully ask for his forgiveness, because she wasn’t entirely sorry for it all yet. But he did something for her and for that, she owed him something.</p><p> </p><p>They looked at each other for a moment, both warily regarding the other before Rey broke and looked away first.</p><p> </p><p>Why was this so hard?</p><p> </p><p>“Look, I—” she spoke up as Finn said “Rey—”</p><p> </p><p>They stopped short and Rey felt the ghost of a grin play at her lips.</p><p> </p><p>Finn kept his mouth shut and waited for her to speak.</p><p> </p><p>“Finn,” she started, “I know we’re not in the best of places right now. I know that a large part of it is because of me, but still…” she trailed, “I wanted to thank you. For sending for Lando and Chewie.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey wrung her fingers together nervously and avoided contact with his eyes, “They’re the only family Ben has left and it’ll mean so much to him that they’re there.”</p><p> </p><p>Finn’s inscrutable expression changed to one of surprise as he registered what Rey was saying to him. He cleared his throat. “You’re welcome…”</p><p> </p><p>They fell into silence again. Rey was ready to walk away and meet the others when Finn spoke up again, his voice sounding rusty with unshed tears.</p><p> </p><p>She glanced up and was shocked to see his dark eyes sparkling with them. One broke free and cut down his cheek in a slow trail.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey, I really am sorry. I’m sorry that I lost my temper and walked out on you.” He looked at her cautiously, probably remembering what happened the last time he tried to apologize to her.</p><p> </p><p>She said nothing, hoping it would be enough to let him know that she was willing to listen to what he had to say this time. Because in all honesty, she didn’t know what she could say. The tear in her soul from Finn’s abandonment in her moment of need still stung deeply and she knew that she wasn’t ready to forgive him fully.</p><p> </p><p>But maybe she could forgive a part of it. If she could understand why he did what he did. So she looked up and their eyes met and connected for the first time since the platform, for the first time since everything went to hell and she saw remorse, honest to goodness remorse and it weakened her resolve just a little bit.</p><p> </p><p>Her shoulders dropped a fraction and her brows pulled together, trying to figure out what she could say that could help them go back to normal.</p><p> </p><p>“Why?”</p><p> </p><p>Finn blinked, his mouth drawing down into a confused frown. “Why what?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey cleared her throat and adjusted her stance, “Why did you abandon me when I needed you, Finn?”</p><p> </p><p>Her closest friend in the galaxy—her first friend in her meager twenty years of existence—stepped forward imploringly, hands raised in a position of supplication, as though he thought his movements would scare her off. It almost did, but she remembered that this needed to happen and so she stayed still.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey, you have to understand, ever since Exegol, you hadn’t been yourself. And you were shutting me out. It hurt, you know? It hurt me to know that something was wrong and that you couldn’t tell me what it was and I let it get to me.” Finn kept his eyes on her though his hands dropped to his sides heavily.</p><p> </p><p>“And when you left for Tatooine, I thought maybe you were going to get closure and open up once you got back, that maybe things would start to go back to normal. But you disappeared for almost three weeks and it was Poe who finally got through to you, you didn’t comm me to let me know that you were all right. I thought to myself, <em>surely Rey would reach out to me now</em>. But you didn’t. I thought something terrible had happened to you and you didn’t even try to communicate with me when you got back on the grid.”</p><p> </p><p>His eyes were distant as he remembered those two weeks that Rey had spent basically vacationing with Ben and she felt the uncomfortable prickle of guilt. She hadn’t even thought about that, the fact that Finn would be worried out of his mind over her lack of communication. Or that it might hurt him that she didn’t try to reach out to him once communications were back online in the <em>Falcon.</em></p><p> </p><p>She had been a horrible friend. Yes, she had been going through a lot, and yes she had been very distracted by Ben’s sudden reappearance. But she could have at least commed Finn every so often to know that she was okay.</p><p> </p><p>Finn went on, oblivious to Rey’s internal dialogue. “And then,” he ran his fingers through his hair, tugging on some in frustration and suppressed anger, “then you show up here with Ren. Our enemy. The man who hunted you like some sick predator. And you <em>defended</em> him.” He stopped short, aghast. Finn inhaled deeply in an effort to stay calm. “And then I come to learn that you’ve been connected to Ren for all this time…that you <em>love</em> him and it was just way too much for me.”</p><p> </p><p>He grit his teeth and then met her eyes earnestly. “I got mad. I was awful to you and I never should have done half the things I did that day. I was hurt and furious and jealous and I’m sorry, Rey.”</p><p> </p><p>Finn took a single step closer, “I am so sorry that I made you feel like you were abandoned. It’s my fault that you went to Sindian. It’s my fault that Ren is in this situation. I should have been there for you. I wasn’t and I will regret that for the rest of my life.” He grabbed her hands and held them between them firmly and his eyes went intense as he spoke up again.</p><p> </p><p>“But I swear to you, Rey, I am doing <em>everything</em> that I can to get him out of here for you. I may hate him. I may hate him for everything he’s done, for hurting the people I love and for somehow winning your heart in spite of it all. But I love you, Rey. And I will do anything to make sure that you are happy. <em>Anything</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey inhaled a deep, shuddering gasp and looked down at their joined hands. And then she looked up to the imploring eyes of her best friend, who had just laid everything bare before her.</p><p> </p><p>It all made so much sense. While Finn had left Rey feeling totally abandoned that evening in the conference room just a few short days ago, she’d left Finn feeling abandoned for far longer. Ever since Exegol.</p><p> </p><p>She’d shut him out and kept her distance, preferring to morn Ben’s death alone. Fearing the reactions of her friends if they found out why she was so heartbroken. And in doing so, she’d abandoned her best friend.</p><p> </p><p>Regret, remorse and the now intimately familiar sense of guilt filled her heart and she grasped tightly back at Finn’s hands.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry too,” she replied, her voice breaking. “Finn, I’ve been awful to you as well. The things I said yesterday—they were horrible and cruel. I’m sorry I left you in the dark about all of this. I’m sorry that I didn’t trust you enough to share what I was going through.”</p><p> </p><p>Finn half sobbed and half laughed as he pulled her into a fierce, warm hug.</p><p> </p><p>Rey clung back just as tightly and felt the tension wash away. “We’re a right mess, aren’t we?” she hiccoughed into his shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>Finn nodded back. “We are,” he pulled away, “but we’ll be okay, Rey. I promise you, I will make <em>everything</em> right.”</p><p> </p><p>Her fingers wiped just below her lower lashline, trying to save the work that Kaydel had done to her face this morning. “I know. We both will.”</p><p> </p><p>She stepped back, “And to think, if I’d just opened up earlier, we might have escaped all of this.”</p><p> </p><p>Finn shrugged, “Maybe not all of it,” he said, “but it would have turned out differently.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s lips lifted in a sorrowful smile. “I’m sorry, Finn. For running to Sindian.”</p><p> </p><p>Her best friend grabbed her hand and squeezed it once. “I know, Peanut. We’ll get through it though.” He released her hand once more.</p><p> </p><p>They left Rose’s apartment side by side, both feeling immensely lightened by the difficult conversation they’d successfully navigated.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Ben had to look away from the eyes of the jury.</p><p> </p><p>He glanced over at the odd pair to his left and caught both of their attentions this time. The man sent a small smile his way and scooted closer to Ben. He stuck out his hand.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben Solo, I presume?” he asked tentatively, though it was rather clear that Ben couldn’t be anyone other than who this man supposed.</p><p> </p><p>He reached out with his bound hands and awkwardly shook the stranger’s hand. “Yes,” he replied. “And you are?”</p><p> </p><p>To his credit, the man did a good job of hiding his discomfort, distaste, what ever it was that he felt toward Ben and nodded to himself. “Ah, yes, we were not granted permission to see you last night, so introductions couldn’t be made.”</p><p> </p><p>“I am Pollux Visz. And this fine woman to my left is Qiu Shan. We are your attorneys.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben shifted his jaw, surprised. So Poe had managed to find him representation. It was a waste of course, but he was able to appreciate the gesture all the same.</p><p> </p><p>Then he was struck with a thought. They weren’t allowed to visit him yesterday? What kind of trial was this, where the defendant wasn’t allowed to meet and strategize with his council?</p><p> </p><p>But as soon as the annoyed thought shot through his mind, he remembered the condemning glares of the jury and the rough treatment of his guards. He remembered that this was only a trial in name.</p><p> </p><p>He expected to be found guilty because he <em>was </em>guilty. Everything that he’d be tried for today was something that he had some degree of guilt in. But he had been somewhat hopeful that maybe he would be sentenced to something a little less <em>death-</em>oriented.</p><p> </p><p>Now that he was here, though, he knew. His sentence was imminent. His death was the only possible outcome to this circus.</p><p> </p><p>It didn’t matter if his council had been able to work with him yesterday. It didn’t matter if Rey, the most beloved public figure of the New Republic testified for him on his behalf.</p><p> </p><p>His fate was set.</p><p> </p><p>Instead of saying anything, Ben nodded and tried to smile at them. “Thank you for helping me,” he replied.</p><p> </p><p>The Omwati turned to look at him. She met his eyes and searched them. Ben tried not to blink as she held his gaze. Eventually, she hummed to herself and extended her hand toward him. “It is a pleasure to meet you, Ben Solo.”</p><p> </p><p> In a clear, yet quiet tone, she began filling him in on the strategy that she and Pollux had concocted in less than twenty-four hours.</p><p> </p><p>Ben was impressed with how good it was. Especially with how little time they’d had to prepare. If it were for any other client, then they might have actually have a shot at winning this thing.</p><p> </p><p>But Ben knew better. And though he doubted the attorneys would ever say it, he thought that they knew better too.</p><p> </p><p>Motion from the corner of his eye caught his attention and he looked up. Another repulsorpod was filling with a group of beings, though it did not elevate. Ben almost did a double take as he recognized three of the individuals who sat side by side. They were surrounded on either side with more guards, though none of them seemed to be ill at ease over it.</p><p> </p><p>In spite of the uncaring façade he was trying to maintain, he couldn’t help but release a small sob as he took in the familiar figures of his uncles. Of all the people he expected to come out and support him—and he didn’t expect any aside from Rey—he did not expect to see the two men that had been his father’s closest friends. It overwhelmed him with a myriad of emotion.</p><p> </p><p>First was disbelief that they were here at all, then came awe and that was shortly followed by a deep sense of gratitude that they even cared about him enough to be here after the unspeakable act he committed on Starkiller. And finally, he was filled with remorse and guilt for the pain he personally caused them due to those actions.</p><p> </p><p>He was struck with the strong feeling of self-loathing once more.</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t deserve to have them here.</p><p> </p><p> Ben watched them closely; memorizing each movement, each expression they made, glad to see them one last time before it all ended. Chewie sat as proudly as ever, if a little stiffly and Lando was speaking intently to his companion, who just happened to be Rey.</p><p> </p><p>His breathing stuttered for a moment as he took in the sight of the most beautiful woman in the galaxy. She was dressed in pure white and her hair was arranged in that classic triple bun style that everyone in the known galaxy associated with her now.</p><p> </p><p>She was dressed to send a message. That was obvious to him the moment he laid eyes on her. She was telling all who were in attendance and all who watched from holoscreens and datapads in all New Republic star systems that she was their hero. That she was their <em>Last Jedi</em> and that she knew that.</p><p> </p><p>Ben guessed that she was doing it so that everyone would remember her role in saving them all from Palpatine’s Final Order when she rose to speak in Ben’s defense.</p><p> </p><p>Rey was amazing. She was a brutal force to reckon with and Ben loved her for it. He understood that she was doing it all for him and that she would gladly do it for him.</p><p> </p><p>He only hoped that this wouldn’t ruin her.</p><p> </p><p>He feared what her standing for him would do to her reputation among the people of the galaxy. Would they hate her for defending him? Would they pity her and let that pity take away the power of her voice?</p><p> </p><p>He had no idea. But he begged whatever powers may be that she would be fine at the end of it.</p><p> </p><p>As if Ben had been calling to her, Rey’s head snapped up and across the Grand Convocation Chamber, hazel eyes met brown, unblinking.</p><p> </p><p>It was almost instinctual, when his barriers lowered to her gentle prodding, even though he had been determined to keep them up throughout the duration of the trial to spare her the emotional turmoil he knew he was going to suffer through.</p><p> </p><p>Her warm touch was gentle as she passed into his mind and found home there.</p><p> </p><p><em>Ben,</em> her soft voice called, <em>everything is going to be alright. I promise you.</em></p><p> </p><p>A ghost of a smile passed over his lips but was gone in a blink of an eye.</p><p> </p><p><em>I love you,</em> was all he could manage. He couldn’t bear to dash her hopes that they would walk away from this.</p><p> </p><p>She needed to know how much she meant to him.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Almost from the moment that I met you, I’ve loved you, Rey. And I’ll never understand how or why I earned your love, but I want you to know that I am grateful for it. Forever grateful for it.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Ben watched her expression carefully from across the cavernous room as she heard and processed his confession. Her face was pained and she bit at her lip as she always did when she tried to keep from crying.</p><p> </p><p>Maker she was so beautiful. How had he earned her love? If there was some grand creator, that would be the first question he would ask.</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s voice sounded in his head once more, this time with fierce determination. <em>Don’t say that. It sounds like you’re trying to say goodbye…</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>Their eyes connected again and he could see Rey fighting to keep her expression neutral but he knew better. His words were hurting her.</p><p> </p><p>He regretted that it hurt her, but he wanted her to know.</p><p> </p><p><em>I love you, Rey</em>, Ben murmured across their bond once more before lifting his barriers and sealing her presence out.</p><p> </p><p>He refocused his sights on the Chancellor’s podium where the trial’s judge sat. Another being had risen and was gesturing for the audience to come to order.</p><p> </p><p>Silence descended quickly over the massive room and the looming sense of anticipation weighed down on everyone.</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s hands shook with nerves. It was stupid that he felt that way because he knew exactly how it would end. But a small part of him still hoped that he might be freed.</p><p> </p><p>The being, perhaps it was a Zabrak, Ben wasn’t sure from this distance, stood with his hands over his head.</p><p> </p><p>“All rise,” he said firmly, his voice echoing in every corner of the massive chamber. Several drones descended and buzzed around, recording the Zabrak and those who sat in the Chancellor’s podium. The thunder of thousands of feet also reverberated through the room as everyone stood.</p><p> </p><p>“The Galactic Court of the New Republic is now in session.” He looked around, accounting that all stood. “Senator Malan Lorso will preside as the honorable judge.” The Zabrak nodded once to the silver haired senator. “You may now be seated.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s nerves buzzed as everyone sat once more. The judge, that silver haired man stood and took the Zabrak’s place in the center of the podium and looked out over the crowd. He cleared his throat and the sound assaulted Ben’s ears.</p><p> </p><p>“People of the Republic. I am humbled to be here on this historic day with you as we witness the trial of the Supreme Leader of the First Order, Kylo Ren.”</p><p> </p><p>Cheers erupted, drowning out all other sound. Ben felt like he was going to be sick as he listened to the sound. He risked a glance at Rey. She looked down at the floor of her still grounded repulsorpod, looking wan. Chewie and Lando did not look much better.</p><p> </p><p>The judge spoke up once the cheering died down. “Today we, the people of the New Republic try Supreme Leader Kylo Ren for the atrocities and war crimes committed by not only himself, but the lawless, warmongering syndicate known as the First Order. Today, this man will face justice for all he has done.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s teeth ground together. They weren’t really going for an impartial trial, now were they?</p><p> </p><p>Judge Lorso met the eyes of the Republic attorneys and his, “Are both councils ready?”</p><p> </p><p>A finely dressed human in his middle ages stood at the pulpit of his repulsorpod. “We, the representatives of the New Republic are ready, your honor.”</p><p> </p><p>The Omwati lawyer, Qui Shan, stood and stopped in front of their podium. “We, the representatives of the defendant, <em>Ben Solo,</em> are ready, your honor,” she spoke firmly with a cool, calm voice.</p><p> </p><p>He was uncertain about the use of his given name, but as Qui had rapidly explained in the moments before the trial, any connection to the late and great Leia Organa and Han Solo was sure to have a positive effect on the jury.</p><p> </p><p>Would it still have a positive affect when they learned that Han Solo had been murdered by his own son, the man they were trying today? Ben seriously doubted it, but allowed them to use his true name and not the one he’d given himself. It was a good idea to separate the man and the mask, anyway, though it was just as likely to highlight the distance of his fall.</p><p> </p><p>Lorso’s eye twitched at Ben’s name but he gave a short nod and turned to the clerk, who quickly swore in the jury.</p><p> </p><p>The elder representative for the New Republic stood and the repulsorpod drew closer to the massive podium. “Your Honor,” he greeted silkily. He turned to face the pods containing the jury and bowed deeply, “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury.”</p><p> </p><p>He straightened up and jumped right in to his opening statement. “We live in unprecedented times,” he announced grimly. “In the last thirty years, the people of the galaxy have revolted against and defeated not one, but two different regimes who would strip us of our freedoms. Unfortunately for us, the most leaders of those regimes escaped righteous justice through their demises. But now, <em>now</em>, we have the chance to deliver righteous justice to such a man. Before you today sits the second Supreme Leader of the First Order, the man who also was once the First Order’s so called enforcer. Kylo Ren.”</p><p> </p><p>The man looked to Ben’s pod and glared at him. He turned to face the juries once more. “This man, this <em>monster,</em> terrorized the galaxy for a year as Supreme Leader. He blockaded planets and star systems, he introduced brutal curfews and raids on several more and, by the end of it, allowed Kijimi to face destruction in an echo of the tragedy of Alderaan and the Hosnian Cataclysm, which his Order orchestrated just over a year ago.”</p><p> </p><p>The man’s voice grew more passionate. “Kylo Ren has committed act after act of atrocious violence of the most unforgivable sort against the peoples of the galaxy and the civilizations of the Unknown Regions under the command of the First Order. He was a co-conspirator in the destruction of the Hosnian System and the New Republic’s home. He personally ordered the massacre of Tuanul, a harmless village filled with members of the Church of the Force on Jakku, he kidnapped the famed <em>Last Jedi</em>, hunted the Resistance to the brink and,” he paused to throw a dirty look toward Ben, “he murdered his father, Han Solo, in cold blood.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben felt himself grow cold at the accusations. He’d done all of that. And more. So much more. The heat drained from his face as he listened to the list of endless crimes. The wretch spoke up once more.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>This is why you do not deserve to live. You have destroyed so much. You have murdered and conquered and oppressed more than you can imagine. You are a monster. Monsters don’t get to live. Monsters don’t deserve to live.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>“Kylo Ren has been charged with war mongering, war crimes, crimes against peace and patricide. I ask that you listen closely to the witnesses and evidences provided closely. And I ask that you do the right thing when the time comes to decide.”</p><p> </p><p>He bowed once more and then sat down.</p><p> </p><p>The urge to heave out his empty stomach crashed into Ben like a herd of parched banthas in search of water. He closed his eyes tightly and willed himself to control the powerful urge. He gulped several times, heavily, before the need subsided enough for him to open his eyes and watch Qui Shan take center stage.</p><p> </p><p>Again, she emanated reason, calm and logic as she opened her mouth.</p><p> </p><p>Ben remembered the quick one-sided conversation she held with him.</p><p> </p><p><em>Your allies told me everything they could about you yesterday, Mister Solo,</em> she said quietly. <em>Especially the Jedi girl. I wish I had been able to speak with you myself, but my colleague and I were not granted permission.</em></p><p> </p><p>The Omwati woman outlined everything Rey said, from his manipulations by Palpatine and Snoke from a young age, his desperation to do what was right in his younger years, the way Snoke convinced him that he was alone, his Uncle, the legendary Luke Skywalker’s attempt on his life and the destruction of the Jedi praxeum, caused by Snoke and not Ben. His isolation and abuses under Snoke’s thumb. The light inside that refused to go out. His objection of the use of Starkiller to attack star systems and his regret of the Hosnian Cataclysm.</p><p> </p><p>Those things were all events he was mostly uncomfortable with sharing.</p><p> </p><p>What really made him uncomfortable was the fact that Rey had shared information regarding their bond. But he understood that it was necessary.</p><p> </p><p> And of course, she’d told his attorneys in detail the events that led to the death of Snoke on the <em>Supremacy </em>and the events of Exegol.</p><p> </p><p>Qui Shan then quickly told him the basic outline of the defense. They would be honest and open with his struggles with Snoke infiltrating his mind starting from a young age and how he manipulated him into feeling isolated enough to turn to the Dark side. He would offer all information he had about the First Order, their hidden bases, their investors—everything he could spare. Then they would highlight the events that lead to him turning against Snoke and eventually the First and Final Orders, which in turn, saved the Resistance and the galaxy as a whole.</p><p> </p><p>Qui Shan began addressing the beings in the pods that levitated across from theirs and Ben snapped out of his reverie.</p><p> </p><p>“Your Honor. Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury. People of the New Republic,” her voice was authoritative, demanding the attention of every single being in the room.</p><p> </p><p>“My client, Ben Solo, has been accused of war crimes. He has been accused of murder and the spreading of injustice throughout several systems of our galaxy. There is no point in denying it because we all know that it is true.” Angry murmurs echoed throughout the chamber, imitating the buzz of insects.</p><p> </p><p> “Mr. Solo was not given the chance to plead guilty prior to the trial and because he was deprived of that chance, now faces the heaviest of consequences during sentencing—execution—when he is found guilty. This was an underhanded and barely legal ploy to deprive a changed man a fair chance at a new life. One where he would have been able to work toward making reparations for many of the acts against the Republic that he and the organization he worked with committed.”</p><p> </p><p>The angry buzzing increased in volume and Ben withdrew into himself once more to recite what Qui Shan said that they were going to work for.</p><p> </p><p>Qui Shan did not seem deterred by the response of those in attendance. She continued on, staring at the pods that contained the jurors.</p><p> </p><p>“I know that I cannot convince you to find Ben Solo innocent of his crimes. He knows he is guilty as do we all. But over the course of this trial, you will learn that the man formerly known as Kylo Ren is no more. You will learn that this man, who was once descended into the darkest of dark, has returned to the light.”</p><p> </p><p>The buzzing quieted and Qui Shan seemed pleased by the affect her words were having on the crowd.</p><p> </p><p>“You will learn that Ben Solo was crucial to the success of the Resistance and its allies during the Battle of Exegol through the testimony of the one who we credit for our salvation, Rey Skywalker.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben kept his eyes closed as Qui Shan concluded her opening statement, “And I hope that by the end, you will be convinced that Ben Solo does not deserve to be sentenced to death. I hope you see that he has more than earned a chance at a new life. A life that can better our society as a whole.”</p><p> </p><p>Qui Shan concluded her opening statement and bowed deeply to the jusy before rejoining Ben and Pollux Visz. She met Ben’s eyes, giving a small dip of acknowledgement.</p><p> </p><p>How had Rey and her friends found these attorneys? It actually seemed as though Qui Shan actually wanted him to make it through this ordeal alive. Or, he thought with a little bitterness, they were paying these two an exorbitant amount that was facilitating the eagerness he could sense coming from the Omwati woman.</p><p> </p><p>Perhaps if he made it through he would ask. But not right now.</p><p> </p><p>The judge, Senator Malan, leaned forward, “The prosecution may call its first witness.”</p><p> </p><p>And with that, the insanity began.</p><p> </p><p>Ben had to keep himself from looking at the repulsorpod that held Rey as witness after witness was called to detail all the evil he’d done in the seven years he’d spent with the First Order.</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t want to see the horror on her face as the audience heard tales of what he did.</p><p> </p><p>A boy, on the threshold between boyhood and manhood was the next witness. He had deep tan skin and auburn hair. His yellow eyes flashed in the lighting of the great concourse.</p><p> </p><p>Ben felt the pit of his stomach sink as he recognized the distinct coloring of the boy. The boy and he assumed the young girl who sat behind him were both from Tehar, a planet in the Unknown Regions that he’d been sent to colonize a few years back.</p><p> </p><p>With another jolt, he recognized them as the lone brother and sister that hailed from a village he’d personally massacred in order to subjugate Tehar to the First Order’s control.</p><p> </p><p>The prosecutor asked the boy to introduce himself.</p><p> </p><p>“My name is Kel,” he said quietly, eyes wide and shoulders shaking.</p><p> </p><p>“And what grievances have you against the accused?” the prosecutor asked gently, as though coaxing a lamb.</p><p> </p><p>The boy, Kel, gulped. His wide yellow eyes danced over Ben’s pod for a fraction of a heartbeat and then moved away quickly, as though he were afraid to make eye contact with Ben.</p><p> </p><p>“H-he and a squad of stormtroopers,” he started hesitantly, “they came and destroyed my village. They killed everyone, i-including my parents. There was so much fire. So much death…” The boy trembled and tears filled his eyes. “Only my sister and me made it out alive.”</p><p> </p><p>The prosecutor nodded, “And what happened to you and your sister after you escaped the massacre of your village?”</p><p> </p><p>Kel’s face hardened, “Kylo Ren put a bounty on our heads and sent First Order soldiers after us. He didn’t want anyone from the New Republic knowing what happened to my village.”</p><p> </p><p>At that, the prosecutor smiled slightly and gestured toward the jury. “Ah, so not only did he destroy a village and everyone in it, he also tried to have the two survivors—two <em>children</em>—assassinated because of their miraculous survival.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben grit his teeth as shame washed over him. He remembered that night clearly. He continued to keep his eyes averted as the prosecutor asked a few more follow-up questions that detailed the gore of the night and then the boy was dismissed.</p><p> </p><p>More witnesses followed the boy and continued to dredge up all the evil Ben had committed as Kylo Ren. Each testimony weighed on him heavily, painting a bloody and brutal tale of his life.</p><p> </p><p>And when Ben dared to look at those testifying, he was faced with expressions of righteous anger and pure loathing. His stomach twisted painfully.</p><p> </p><p>It was as though Ben was struggling to stay afloat in a sea of deep seated shame and relentless remorse, but the weight of his guilt was endlessly pulling him down. He felt like he was drowning in it. He felt like he couldn’t get enough air into his lungs even though his breathing rate had increased dramatically.</p><p> </p><p> The muscles in his legs quivered as they tensed further and further. His hands shook ceaselessly, making it impossible for him to clamp down on his legs to stop the movements.</p><p> </p><p>The thunder of his heart filled his ears and almost drowned out the accusations of the prosecution’s current witness, an elderly human woman who was a survivor of Hosnian Prime. She’d apparently left atmo moments before the attack. She saw the whole thing.</p><p> </p><p>Black spots began flickering at the edge of his vision and Ben knew he was moments away from passing out from the panic he felt at the overwhelming guilt and shame and remorse that was swallowing him whole.</p><p> </p><p>And then, as though the gentle light of dawn was breaking over his subconscious, Ben felt the warm, soothing presence of Rey from across the bond. She buoyed him up, helping him break through the heaving ocean that had been his prison.</p><p> </p><p>With a small gasp, he looked up across the vast chamber to the small pod that held her. Rey was watching him, her brows furrowed in concentration. When their eyes met, her light seemed to multiply and for the first time since the witnesses began speaking, Ben felt like he could breathe again.</p><p> </p><p>Rey kept a hold of his gaze, sending her warmth through the pulsing chord of their bond. They watched each other, drinking in the other’s appearance for several beats before Rey subtly dipped her chin in a nod and offered him a small smile, eyes earnest and full of the love that he knew was reserved only for him.</p><p> </p><p>Ben felt his muscles relax and his pulse slow down. He eased himself back against the chair and turned away to listen to the last witness of the prosecution.</p><p> </p><p>How she was able to soothe him in a situation like this, he couldn’t possibly understand. But he was grateful for it. Again, he was struck with a familiar sense of lost awe as he wondered how in the galaxy he’d earned Rey’s love.</p><p> </p><p>It was truly a miracle.</p><p> </p><p>The final witness outlined his ordered attack on Crait, detailing his every act in the air and his face off with the projection of his Uncle Luke in front of the busted bunker. It was one of the Resistance, an older gentleman who looked like he’d seen a battle or two in his day.</p><p> </p><p>Of all the things dredged up from his days as Kylo Ren, this was one of the least painful.</p><p> </p><p>And before he knew it, the prosecutor was wrapping up his side of things and then everyone was dismissed for a recess to allow everyone to get a <em>late </em>midday meal in and recollect themselves before the defense got its turn on the stand.</p><p> </p><p>Ben sat in silence to the thunderous sound of feet leaving the Convocation Chamber.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Eep. The trial has begun!</p><p>Ben has a lawyer who actually wants to defend him? I wonder how that happened?</p><p>And--and Lando and Chewie came to help him! Thanks for comming them Finn, you've really worked to right those wrongs.</p><p>I know it's so cliche, but I thought that Rey could use some TLC from Kaydel and Rose, so they made her up and helped her get ready to face Sindian at the trial. </p><p>And finally, Finn and Rey have talked and it seems like maybe they've made up a bit. Feelings are still hurt, but they don't want to be mad at each other anymore.</p><p>Rey's Leia inspired trial outfit: <br/>https://www.pinterest.com/pin/441563938463889850/</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Injustice</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Heyo! </p><p>This chapter has been a long one coming. I think it took me close to a month to complete? Anyway, I hope you enjoy it!</p><p>Update on current work: chapter 29's outline ended up having eight complete scenes, so she's getting split in half and now we have another two-parter, four scenes each chapter. I'm pretty sure it would have ended up being 50-60 pages on Microsoft Word... so it was very necessary. Because I've finished three of the four scenes that now make up 29 and it was already 21 pages. I'm two pages into the fourth scene of 29 and then I'll get started on chapter 30, the second half.</p><p>So since all my outlines have ended up needing to be split so often, my story has gone from like 25 chapters to 32. So I will be extending the chapter count once again. Heh, sorry.</p><p>Thank you for reading! If you enjoy the story, please drop by in the comments or "like" it with those precious, precious kudos.</p><p>Thanks!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN: Injustice</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt sick to her stomach.</p><p> </p><p>Over the course of the last several hours, dozens of witnesses on the prosecution’s side had given testimony after testimony detailing the deeds of Kylo Ren and the First Order.</p><p> </p><p>It had been hard to listen to, but Rey had already known that it wasn’t going to be easy. Ben had done a lot of terrible things in the name of the First Order.</p><p> </p><p>Still, listening to those who had suffered and lost because of him and then sensing the remorseful anguish radiating off of him as everyone listened with rapt attention was acutely painful in its own right.</p><p> </p><p>She had no appetite now. Even as Chewie tried forcing some sort of grain roll into her hand, she knew that she couldn’t stomach anything.</p><p> </p><p><em>“You need to eat something, Rey,” </em>Chewie implored, setting an untorn roll on her plate. She had another one in pieces already on her untouched plate. <em>“We can’t have you passing out on the stand.”</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>Rey glanced up at the towering Wookiee. “I know, Chewie. I’m just so…” she trailed off, unsure of what to say. Nervous? Worried? Terrified for the time when the verdict and sentencing were finally delivered?</p><p> </p><p>What was going to happen to Ben?</p><p> </p><p>Chewie nodded in understanding. <em>“We’re all worried for him. But you can’t help him if you’re too weak to tell everyone what you know.”</em></p><p> </p><p>He was right of course; she needed something in her to make it through the rest of the day. She’d maybe had two bites of breakfast and that had been at least five hours ago. By all means, she should be famished. But she wasn’t.</p><p> </p><p>To satisfy him, she ate the entire roll he’d placed on her plate and finished the cup of water that sat to her right. But that was all she could manage. She knew for a fact that she wouldn’t be able to stomach any more.</p><p> </p><p>Chimes resounded in the commissary that she sat in, signifying that the trial would be ending its recess soon. Rey’s heart skipped a few beats and stood abruptly, nearly knocking over a Quarren dignitary. She muttered a quick apology as he sent her a few dirty looks over his shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“Looks like we ought to head back now,” Lando said with a defeated sigh. He looked almost as bad as she felt right now. Rey couldn’t imagine just how hard this was for the two beings who’d been family to Ben his entire life. She made note to thank them again for agreeing to help Ben.</p><p> </p><p>The old Rebellion general stood slowly and gestured for Rey and Chewie to follow him.</p><p> </p><p> Rey walked silently behind Lando and Chewie, gently poking through her bond with Ben, hoping that she’d be able to get through to him like she had near the end of the court session earlier.</p><p> </p><p>It was like prodding a durasteel wall. Nothing budged or gave. Ben’s end of the bond was entirely silent. She withheld the huff of frustrated anxiety she needed to release, instead choosing to count her steps back to the repulsorpod that they’d been assigned to.</p><p> </p><p>She understood why he was closing her out, even if she didn’t like it. He was experiencing so many turbulent emotions and was clearly suffering. He didn’t want to expose her to those feelings, didn’t want to share them either. But didn’t he understand that she wanted to help him? That she was so very willing to take it all on and just be there for him?</p><p> </p><p>The small group entered the repulsorpod and Rey’s nerves immediately kicked back in full force.</p><p> </p><p>Qui Shan’s assistant, Pollux had run in earlier to quickly brief them on what to expect once it was the defense’s turn to present. Lando would go first. He would be questioned by Qui Shan and then cross examined by the prosecution. Chewie would follow and then Ben would have some time to speak.</p><p> </p><p>Rey would speak last.</p><p> </p><p>Qui Shan’s hope was that Rey would be able to appeal the jury to what Ben had to say by reiterating what she knew of Ben’s fall and imprisonment by Snoke. And then she would tell them verbatim of what happened on the <em>Supremacy</em> and then what happened on Exegol.</p><p> </p><p>Every single excruciating detail.</p><p> </p><p>As much as that made her nerves flutter uncomfortably, there was something else about her role in the trial that made her especially nervous.</p><p> </p><p>It was her job to convince and show the jury that Ben Solo deserved the chance to prove that he’d changed.</p><p> </p><p>Lando and Chewie were there to set up the story of the young, misunderstood boy they’d known years ago. Ben was meant to explain how Snoke manipulated him into the monster the galaxy knew as Kylo Ren and to give other key details about his life. And Rey was meant to be the emotional punch, as Pollux put it.</p><p> </p><p>She was supposed to tell the jury about her experiences with Ben and how he turned on his masters not once, but twice for her.</p><p> </p><p>She knew that she could tell the story. But she wasn’t sure if she would be able to actually convey the depth and breadth of what they’d gone through together. She wasn’t sure if she even had the words to explain just how miraculous Ben’s return to the Light was. And how much it meant to her, to the Resistance and to the Galaxy as a whole that he’d come back.</p><p> </p><p>What if what she had to say wasn’t enough?</p><p> </p><p>Rey shook her head. No. She couldn’t think like that.</p><p> </p><p>She could do this. She was going to be able to say everything in a manner that really showed the jury that Ben deserved to live.</p><p> </p><p>She had to believe that she could do it.</p><p> </p><p>With a final exhale, Rey sat down in her spot and the pod levitated to take center stage of the Concourse.</p><p> </p><p>The enormous crowd went silent at once as Rey’s repulsorpod stopped in the center of the cavernous Rotunda. Rey looked up and locked eyes with Ben, still in his own pod with Qui Shan some twenty meters away. Closer than before but still too far away.</p><p> </p><p>Ben looked pale and more than a little clammy. But as their eyes connected, his whiskey hued eyes warmed and reassurance poured from him and into her, warming her chilled limbs. Rey almost shook her head in disbelief.</p><p> </p><p>How was it that Ben, a man being tried for several different war crimes—the one who was very possibly going to be sentenced to death—the one doing the reassuring right now?</p><p> </p><p>She sent waves of determination to him with a small nod and then followed it with her faith that no matter what, he was going to make it out of this.</p><p> </p><p>Rey hadn’t abandoned her plan to get him out of Coruscant by less than legal means if today didn’t work out for them. She had to remember that. If the courts decided that Ben had to die, Rey would break him out of his cell and escape into the Outer Rim with him tonight.</p><p> </p><p>Today would only decide if he was going to go free legally and sanctioned by the New Republic or not. It was not going to mean his end by any means.</p><p>
  
</p><p>So when Lando’s voice began booming throughout the sound system, regaling the audience of Ben’s earliest years, Rey felt calmer than she had all day.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“You mentioned that Mr. Ren was a troubled child,” the prosecutor questioned, “that he had the tendency to be violent.” He gestured lazily toward Lando, “Were you ever frightened of him?”</p><p> </p><p>Lando scowled and Rey could tell that he was more than done with the cross-examination. The prosecutor had been questioning him for at least fifteen minutes, trying to get Lando to say all sorts of terrible things about Ben.</p><p> </p><p>Lando had been doing a fantastic job of thwarting the man’s attempts though. Rey had to hide a smirk behind her hand several times over.</p><p> </p><p>“No, I was never frightened of Ben.” His hand clenched though his manner stayed relaxed. “Ben had the tendency to react passionately. And I never said violent, that was all you.”</p><p> </p><p>The prosecutor nodded, unbothered by Lando’s rebuttal. “But you’ve had cause to be frightened of him since then, haven’t you? Or at the very least, angry with him?”</p><p> </p><p>Lando Calrissian’s dark eyes narrowed.</p><p> </p><p>“Tell me, General Calrissian, how did you react to the news of your best friend’s death? The death of Han Solo at the hand of his son? Your <em>nephew?”</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>The old man’s expression went dark. “I’m not going to pretend like I know what happened or why. All I can tell you is that I know Han would forgive Ben for that.”</p><p> </p><p>The prosecutor’s eyes flashed, annoyed that he didn’t get what he wanted from Lando. “I’ve had my say, Your Honor. No further questions,” he addressed Malan Lorso, who had been listening raptly to everything that Lando had to say.</p><p> </p><p>Judge Lorso nodded in acceptance. “The Court now calls Chewbacca of Kashyyyk to testify.”</p><p> </p><p>Chewie walked to the podium in their little repulsorpod and accepted the translating vocoder, which would allow the entire audience to understand him.</p><p> </p><p>Qui Shan’s voice sounded from across the room. “It is an honor to hear from one such as yourself, Chewbacca or Kashyyyk,” she greeted respectfully.</p><p> </p><p><em>“I’m only here to help,”</em> Chewie responded simply. His deep blue eyes held the defense attorney’s eyes steadily, waiting for her to continue.</p><p> </p><p>It was disconcerting to hear his native Shyriiwook spoken over by the robotic monotone of the vocoder. It leeched all emotion from Chewie’s words, leaving them sounding flat and disinterested.</p><p> </p><p>Shan nodded, “You’ve been brought to the stand to tell us all more about Ben Solo and his childhood. Anything you have to say about his relationships with you, his parents and his demeanor would be helpful for the jury.”</p><p> </p><p>So Chewie launched into a detailed rendition of Ben’s childhood. He told all in attendance of Ben’s deep emotions and his ability to feel empathetic toward everyone and everything. How Ben loved deeply and with all his heart and soul. He talked about how Ben constantly found injured creatures around the Organa-Solo estate and would beg Chewie to help him rehabilitate them. He spoke of how he would care for Ben when his parents were away, comforting him and reassuring him of their love and helping him through many night terrors of a dark man. Those watching went deathly still at that. It was the second time the dark man had been mentioned. First by Lando and now by Chewie.</p><p> </p><p>He spoke of how Ben was a lonely boy who seemed to frighten his peers off because of his Force-sensitivity despite his kindness. He was a studious and thoughtful child, thirsting for knowledge and every possible novel, biography and historical text he could possibly fit in his data pad.</p><p> </p><p>Chewie spoke of how badly Han wished to connect with his son and how difficult it was for him to reconcile the fact that his son was Force-sensitive. That he tried his hardest in his own way to have a relationship with Ben, even if he felt that he ultimately failed. He emphasized over and over again that Han loved Ben and sacrificed his life to help Ben find the light again. And even though it broke his heart to lose his best friend, Chewie was grateful that Han did it, because eventually, it did bring Ben back.</p><p> </p><p>Rey listened with every iota of attention she had, absorbing every little detail the massive Wookiee had to say about Ben’s early life. She wished that she’d been able to witness Ben as a child. She wanted nothing more than to wrap a young Ben Solo in her arms and never let go.</p><p> </p><p>After a few more follow up questions, Qui Shan relinquished her time to the prosecutor, who grilled Chewie until it appeared that he was ready to crush the pulpit with his massive paws.</p><p> </p><p>“Tell me, Chewbacca of Kashyyyk,” he started, “have you been able to forgive Mr. Ren for his act of patricide? Han Solo was your closest friend, as you say.”</p><p> </p><p>Chewie growled and Rey tensed. The question was a trap, of course. One designed to discredit every good thing that had been said about Ben.</p><p> </p><p>Rey knew that Chewie hadn’t forgiven Ben yet, but she knew that he was trying to. She’d told him and Lando about Ben’s return to the light on Exegol and their reunion a month later and she could tell that hearing it from her personally had helped both of them heal a bit. But it in no way meant that Chewie and Lando were ready to forgive Ben. If they could find it within themselves to ever forgive him.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“That is something that should be discussed between only Ben and I.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“So you haven’t forgiven him? Please remember you swore an oath to be truthful at all times while on the stand.”</p><p> </p><p><em>“No. I haven’t forgiven him yet…” </em>He paused to consider for a moment before looking across the space to Ben Solo himself. <em>“But I hope to forgive him one day.”</em></p><p> </p><p>Rey couldn’t help but steal a glance toward Ben as Chewie’s words resonated through the room.</p><p> </p><p>His dark eyes were misted over and it looked like he was struggling to contain heavy emotions over the confession. His hands were clenched tightly and Rey wished not for the first or last time that she were in the same pod as him. How much easier would they have weathered this storm if they’d been together?</p><p> </p><p>“The Court of the New Republic calls defendant Kylo Ren, also known as Ben Solo, to the stand.”</p><p> </p><p>Murmurs broke across the thousands of repulsorpods. The morbid excitement of the crowd spilled over and filled the massive room as recording drones flew to Ben’s pod so that his face could be projected and amplified in order for all to hear what he had to say. Even the stoic jury, who’d managed to remain frustratingly impassive during the defense’s time, leaned forward in their seats to indicate piqued interest.</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt frozen, as though her entire body had been encased by ice. Ben’s story could either gain him vitally needed support or solidify the jury’s view of him, rendering her forthcoming testimony and their entire defense useless.</p><p> </p><p>Chewie retook his place next to Rey and took her chilled hand between his massive paws. <em>“Rey, don’t forget to breathe.”</em></p><p> </p><p>She looked up and met his startlingly blue eyes, finding herself unable to speak. So she squeezed his hand and nodded jerkily before setting her eyes on Ben again.</p><p> </p><p>The other lawyer, Pollux Visz began questioning Ben on behalf of Qui Shan who sat with Ben in his repulsorpod.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben Solo,” the middle aged man began, his voice echoing, “we have had two witnesses testify on behalf of your character. Now, we would like to hear your story.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben, paler than usual, gulped and inhaled shakily. Rey sought out his eyes and connected to them once more, sending her reassurances to him this time.</p><p> </p><p>He steadied himself and maintained eye contact with her and opened his mouth. When he began to speak, it was as though he were only speaking to her.</p><p> </p><p>“My name is Ben Organa-Solo. I am the only son of Princess Leia Organa of Alderaan and General Han Solo. I have…done many terrible things over the course of my life and it is my hope to explain to those who would listen why someone borne into such light fell so deeply into the dark.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s eyes never left Rey’s as he spoke, reiterating the stories of the dark man who haunted him as a child and was later revealed to be Supreme Leader Snoke.</p><p> </p><p>“His voice—his presence…it was always there at the back of my mind, feeding on my insecurities and pain. When my parents left me alone because of their chosen professions, he made every attempt to convince me that they didn’t love me—that they were scared of me. It didn’t work at first, but as my mother was away more and more often on Senatorial business and as my father was away more often on his various exploits, I eventually believed him. Especially after they sent me to learn the ways of the Jedi under my uncle, Luke Skywalker. Something I never really wanted. I felt…abandoned. Unwanted. And my uncle had to treat me just as any other padawan. So I felt unwanted by him as well…”</p><p> </p><p>Ben drifted off as though in a reverie and then came back to himself. “I felt…lonely during my years at my uncle’s praxeum. I was gifted in my ability to use the Force and had the tendency to let my emotions slip too easily into my actions. It alienated the others and worried my uncle. Snoke was able to isolate me from everyone rather easily.”</p><p> </p><p>“That darkness, amplified by Snoke’s presence became more and more prevalent as I grew up. Eventually, I suppose, it scared my uncle enough to approach my hut as I slept one night seven years ago. I…” he hesitated and Rey got a distinct sense that he was uncomfortable sharing what happened between him and his uncle that fateful night.</p><p> </p><p>Ben cleared his throat and pressed on, “I awoke to find my uncle’s ignited lightsaber over my neck. I thought he was going to kill me. I could feel that his intention was to kill me. I panicked. I collapsed my hut on top of us and escaped…”</p><p> </p><p>Though his eyes still remained on hers, they were distant, remembering painful events of the past. “I felt…betrayed. And then a massive storm struck the praxeum and lit it ablaze. I tried to stop it—tried to save those inside, but I was blasted away. I didn’t realize it at the time, but it was Snoke. It was all Snoke.”</p><p> </p><p>“He whispered into my mind again and I felt like I had nowhere else to go, so I took my ship and met him.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben proceeded to elaborate on what happened to him after. Other knights, his peers, followed him and they had several confrontations. They thought that he’d killed everyone. He joined the Knights of Ren, hoping to learn from them, but it ended in him killing their master after he killed Ben’s closest friend, a man named Tai. Ben killed the other two Jedi. One by accident and the other intentionally. After that, he went back to Snoke and officially began his training under him.</p><p> </p><p>“Training under Snoke was painful. I was tortured almost daily. Physically, emotionally, psychologically, all in the name of becoming stronger. He taught me to throw away my past. He helped me excise all good from my heart, deadening me from the influence of the Light. But a part of it always remained no matter what I did.”</p><p> </p><p>“In the end, I became a hardened killer. Snoke’s prized apprentice and enforcer. So he sent me to overthrow and conquer governments and colonies in the Unknown Regions and Wild Space, which I did all too gladly, desperate to prove myself to him.”</p><p> </p><p>“I did everything he asked, and with each task, I lost myself further and further until Ben Solo was dead. I was Kylo Ren. And I…” his voice caught, breaking as Rey’s heart ached for him. Her whole being ached to hold him in her arms.</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s roiling emotions broke through the calm, “I am so sorry. For everything I have done to harm the New Republic and those outside of its jurisdiction. For assisting the First Order in its task of subjugating the galaxy to its rule. For leading the First Order when I could have—<em>should have</em>—ended it. I regret it all. I wish with all that is in me that I could take it all back.”</p><p> </p><p>He steadied himself, “But I can’t. All I can do is offer my hands to work towards rectifying the evils I’ve wrought personally and those that I’ve allowed to come to pass. I can give all information I have on First Order funding and locations. And if the Court decides that my life must end in recompense, then I will gladly submit myself to that fate if it brings even the smallest amount of comfort to those I’ve harmed.”</p><p> </p><p>It was deathly still. Ben’s words echoed and faded away as all who listened sat in stunned silence.</p><p> </p><p>And while the silence lengthened, Rey felt the horror build inside her heart. It spilled out and flooded the rest of her body until everything within her resounded with it.</p><p> </p><p>Ben—he—he just confessed to the Court that he would accept a death sentence. Rey’s heart pounded so quickly she was sure it would beat from her chest. Did he not realize how foolish it was to say such a thing? He was basically encouraging the jury to vote affirmative on the death sentence.</p><p> </p><p>Pollux’s voice broke through the silence at last. “Can you tell me more about why you turned on the First Order? What brought you back to the Light?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben stirred and his eyes seemed to blaze brighter, filled with a gentle hope.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey,” he breathed. “Rey brought me back.”</p><p> </p><p>Her heart stilled and her mouth parted in awe. She had expected him to say his mother, his father, several other factors before he named her. But Ben had said her name. <em>Her name. </em>Their eyes met and melded together, his earnest and hers wide.</p><p> </p><p>“Could you elaborate on that, please?”</p><p> </p><p>“Rey brought me back from the darkness,” Ben repeated, breaking their connection and refocusing on the interview. “If I’d never met her, if we had never forged the connection that we have, I would still be Kylo Ren.”</p><p> </p><p>“My mother and father were very important in helping me find myself once more, but it was Rey who catalyzed it all. Her kindness, her empathy and compassion…her love… She brought me back to myself, helped me see that I could be a good person again. She helped me see that it wasn’t too late to turn back. I owe her everything.”</p><p> </p><p>The portly attorney nodded, satisfied with the answer. “One last question, Mr. Solo. Would you ever allow yourself to fall to the Dark Side again?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s expression hardened. “No,” he stated firmly. “I would rather die than allow myself to submit to the Dark Side again.”</p><p> </p><p>The prosecutor stepped forward to begin his assault on Ben.</p><p> </p><p>“I only have a few questions for the accused, Your Honor,” he drawled toward Lorso, who gave a short nod in acknowledgement.</p><p> </p><p>“You say that you were manipulated from a very young age by Snoke and by virtue, the Sith lord Darth Sidious. You say that their influences and machinations caused your fall to the Dark Side. It implies that you had no control over your life and makes you the victim in all of this. When you say that you were manipulated, you imply that you are not to blame. Tell me, Mr. Ren, is that true? Do you truly believe that you were forced into the mold that Snoke had prepared for you? Do you truly believe that you had no choice in the matter to make the right decisions?”</p><p> </p><p>From across the room, Rey saw Ben’s jaw clench tightly. His nostrils flared as he took in a fortifying breath.</p><p> </p><p>“I may have been manipulated from the start, but I made the decisions. I chose to forsake my family and the New Republic. I chose to join Snoke and the First Order, of my own free will.”</p><p> </p><p>The angry murmurs of the attendants broke out of the silence and Rey cast an anxious look around the Convocation chamber, quickly observing the various beings to gage how many were upset with Ben’s answer.</p><p> </p><p>It turns out, quite a lot of them were unhappy with his admission.</p><p> </p><p>The prosecutor smirked. “Why didn’t you disband the First Order upon the death of Snoke when you assumed the title of Supreme Leader?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s brows drew together and Rey, already sick with nerves over Ben’s last answer leaned forward to hear, the fabric of her white jumpsuit bunched in her clenched fists. She gulped though her mouth was completely dry.</p><p> </p><p>Ben inhaled, looking oddly regretful. “I am ashamed that I didn’t end the First Order then, though I don’t even know it that would have been successful. My former subordinate, General Armitage Hux would have likely staged a coup eliminating me in order to prevent the collapse of the First Order anyway.”</p><p> </p><p>He chewed his bottom lip for a moment, contemplating and if possible, Rey’s body grew more tense. She had a feeling that whatever he was going to say was going to cause a stir like his previous comment had.</p><p> </p><p>“But I was too far gone into the Darkness and high on my newfound freedom and power to have even considered giving it all up. So I didn’t. I assumed power and then tried to wipe out all resistance because I believed in what the First Order was doing.  I thought that the First Order’s calling was to restore peace and order to the galaxy by any means. I didn’t realize just how wrong it was.”</p><p> </p><p>The prosecutor tsked, “And you have no desire for power anymore? Truly? That amount of authority changes even the very best of us…”</p><p> </p><p>Ben shook his head vehemently. “No. I have no desire to rule anymore. Besides, I quickly learned that I hated being the Supreme Ruler early on. I left most leadership tasks to a council of generals. Most of the policies that were enacted over the last were created by them and signed into action by me. I was more interested in finding Rey.”</p><p> </p><p>It was odd how a typically silent gesture or motion became thunderous when performed by thousands. Rey had to fight the instinct to hunch down as every neck in the Chamber turned to look down on her.</p><p> </p><p>She breathed in deeply and tried to ignore the heavy weighted attention she was receiving.</p><p> </p><p>The prosecutor ignored Rey and continued interrogating Ben.</p><p> </p><p>“One final question, Mr. Ren,” he drawled. “Why did you kill your father, the beloved Rebellion hero, General Han Solo?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey watched from a far as Ben’s shoulder’s drooped, wishing that she could be next to him to bolster him up.</p><p> </p><p>Her heart dropped, somehow knowing what he was going to say.</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s eyes were downcast as he replied.</p><p> </p><p>“Because I am a monster.”</p><p> </p><p>The prosecutor smirked, pleased with Ben’s answer.</p><p> </p><p>“No further questions, Your Honor.” He turned and sat back in his seat, self-satisfied.</p><p> </p><p>Time slipped by as Ben’s words rang in her ears and before she knew it, she was standing at the podium of her repulsorpod, answering questions of her experiences with Ben, such as their bond, since they first entered each other’s lives.</p><p> </p><p>Qui Shan was asking the questions again and they had passed the point of Rey’s time on Ahch-To, now speaking of why Rey felt possessed to abandon Luke Skywalker for Ben, who was still very much attached to the First Order.</p><p> </p><p>“When we touched hands, I saw good in him. I thought that I would be able to bring him back to the Light and that he would come with me to join the Resistance.”</p><p> </p><p>She didn’t like thinking about that time anymore, when her foolish hopes had been dashed. She didn’t like to think about the time when Ben was still firmly Kylo Ren, but she pressed on anyway, hoping to help the jury see how Ben had changed.</p><p> </p><p>“But he didn’t.” Qui Shan stated gently. “Can you tell me what happened after you arrived?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey nodded in the affirmative and began weaving the tale of how she launched herself into the tractor field of the massive <em>Supremacy</em> in a little escape pod. How the first person she saw was Ben and how he took her up to see Snoke in his throne room. She spoke of Snoke’s arrogance and how he tortured her and then made it clear that he expected Ben to kill her in order to punish him for growing close to her over the course of their interactions.</p><p> </p><p>“As I stared up at him, I tried to ignore his saber, which was pointed directly at me. His eyes…they were trying to tell me something. But I couldn’t be sure what it meant. For a moment, my heart told me that he was trying to tell me to trust him. And I did—I was trying to, but I was scared….” Rey trailed off, remembering the feeling of a racing heart and shallow breaths. Her mind was telling her that she was about to die but her heart was telling her to trust Ben.</p><p> </p><p>“And then…” She looked up and met the inquisitive stare of Qui Shan, “then I heard the sound of a lightsaber being ignited. But I felt no physical pain. The pain I felt was mingled with betrayal but it wasn’t my own. And then I just <em>knew</em>. I knew that Ben had killed Snoke. I heard the thud of his dismembered torso seconds later as I caught my lightsaber, still ablaze.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why do you think he did it?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey didn’t have to think about the answer for even a fraction of a second. “For me.” And then as she thought on it more, she spoke again, “And for himself. He did it to save me as much as he did it to free himself from his abuser.”</p><p> </p><p>“Snoke abused him. Physically and psychologically. He hated his master. So, when Snoke threatened my life, the one person in the galaxy that could ever hope to understand him, the one person who helped him to feel a little less alone, it was the final breaking point. He killed him.”</p><p> </p><p>“And how do you know this? Has he told you as much?”</p><p> </p><p>“Because of our bond. I know because I felt it through our connection. He knows me more intimately than anyone in the galaxy ever could and I know him.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey stood straighter, inhaling deeply. “And it is through our bond that I know his heart. I know him. I know how he has changed. I know that he has turned from the Darkness and embraced the Light. I know that his heart is good.”</p><p> </p><p>She felt choked up as she spoke but tears did not come. Could it be now, when tears might actually be helpful to her, that they would not fall? Despite herself, she felt a well of frustration burble up. <em>Focus Rey.</em></p><p> </p><p>“Can you tell me about your bond? There are many here who do not have an understanding of the Force nor its workings.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s breath stuttered. She knew that this question was going to come, but she still wasn’t ready to speak on it. It was the most intimate part of her, this bond with Ben. And she really, really did not want it to be shared like a commonplace piece of knowledge. Her bond to Ben was sacred. It was something that was meant to be only between the two of them.</p><p> </p><p>And yet she knew, as well as he did, that it was necessary to reveal. So, with a forlorn glance to Ben, whose deep eyes conveyed his saddened acceptance to the need, Rey inhaled in preparation to reveal to all who watched, the nature of their Dyad bond.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben and I share a bond through the Force. Through it, we are able to communicate and share thoughts and feelings together no matter the distance. It happened not long after we met. And through the bond, we were able to understand the other on a level far deeper than you could ever imagine. That’s how I know Ben has changed,” she reiterated, “that is how I know he’s forsaken the Darkness and has thrown off the mantle of Kylo Ren.”</p><p> </p><p>Thankfully, Qui Shan was pleased with Rey’s explanation, and so she did not have to reveal their physical connections nor the true nature of their bond. Instead, she asked Rey to recount their final battle as enemies on the Death Star ruins of Kef Bir.</p><p> </p><p>It was tricky, trying to explain how Ben had provoked her into fighting him and even trickier still trying to explain how Ben suddenly had a change of heart. It was also a tale that brought great shame to Rey as she spoke of the final moments of battle.</p><p> </p><p>“I was so overcome with rage that I didn’t recognize that there was something wrong with him. He could have killed me. I thought that he was going to. But then he paused, lowered his lightsaber and then in a daze, he released it from his grip. He’d just felt his mother die—something all strong Force-sensitives can detect… I saw his saber fall and took my chance. I caught it and ran him through…”</p><p> </p><p>Her soul trembled with the weight of the shame that she felt and her heart squeezed painfully in her chest. “And instead of fighting back, he just sat down, defeated and willing to accept his death,” she blinked back tears that threatened to spill past her lashes, so caught in the memory of that day.</p><p> </p><p>“I was quickly shaken from the bloodlust victory had granted me, horrified. I realized that I didn’t want him dead. No matter the conflict between us, I’d never wanted him dead. And so I healed him. I gave him almost all of me to bring him back from the brink and I would have given him all if I needed to.” She paused then, carefully choosing her words. “I felt something change in him as I did it. It was subtle, like dawn slowly dispersing night. I wasn’t aware of what it meant until I felt him on Exegol. But now I know that it was Ben coming back to himself and shedding the mask of Kylo Ren for good.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey took in a shuddering breath and looked to Qui Shan, awaiting her next question.</p><p> </p><p>The Omwati attorney sent what Rey imagined was a small smile, but she couldn’t be sure. The Omwati were a solemn people who didn’t deign themselves to physically express their emotions. Qui Shan let Rey’s testimony sink in for a moment before forging on to what Rey knew was the last of the questions.</p><p> </p><p>Once Qui Shan was satisfied, she continued, “Ah, yes. Exegol. A very curious thing happened there, correct?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s voice carried a simple ‘yes’ across the cavernous chamber.</p><p> </p><p>“Ms. Skywalker, can you please recount exactly what happened to you while you were on Exegol and how it pertains to my client, Ben Solo?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes,” came Rey’s reply. She shifted and launched into the final part of her witness.</p><p> </p><p>“I knew that I had to face the Emperor. I went alone in Luke Skywalker’s old X-wing to an ancient Sith planet located deep in the Unknown Regions. Palpatine thought me a perfect vessel for him to reassume power. I know that this sounds crazy, but it’s true. He planned to insert his soul into my body and resume his control of the galaxy as me, whom he deigned to call Empress Palpatine.”</p><p> </p><p>Shocked murmurs broke across the repulsorpods. It was common knowledge that Rey had stopped the Emperor from reassuming his power over the Galaxy, but none knew the details. And no one would ever know why Palpatine wanted her specifically. She would make sure of that.</p><p> </p><p>“Go on,” Qui Shan encouraged.</p><p> </p><p>Rey refocused. “In my foolishness to save my friends and the galaxy from Palpatine, I didn’t realize that I’d played right into his trap. I led the Resistance to Exegol and they led a militia of civilian ships to fight the Final Order. But they were losing. Palpatine knew it and I knew it.” She grit her teeth together, her jaw muscles flexing out.</p><p> </p><p> “He told me that if I allowed him to possess me by striking him down, the Resistance and those who followed would be free to leave. No one else would have to die.”</p><p> </p><p>Her lips moved soundlessly as those long dead feelings of hopelessness washed over her. The desperation she felt in those moments crashed over her and seemed to drag her down. Rey felt something tugging in her soul and she looked up, meeting Ben’s eyes and everything felt right in the world again, just as it had in those final moments of battle.</p><p> </p><p>She sent a small smile to him and felt his love wash over her.</p><p> </p><p>“I was going to do it. I was going to allow Emperor Palpatine to take me so that I could save the Resistance and their allies.”</p><p> </p><p>Another warm pulse of Ben’s love washed over her and she closed her eyes, savoring it.</p><p> </p><p>“But then, I felt him.”</p><p> </p><p>She opened her eyes. “I felt Ben Solo. Not Kylo Ren, but the man I’d hoped for, for so long. Somehow, he followed me to Exegol, determined to save me from the Emperor. And I knew then with more certainty than anything in the galaxy that he had returned to the Light. I felt his goodness. I felt the blinding light that radiated from him as if it were a supernova. And in that moment, I knew that everything was going to be all right.”</p><p> </p><p>“Without him, all would have been lost. If he hadn’t come, the galaxy would be under the rule of Palpatine again.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey paused, hoping that the jury and all who attended would understand.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben Solo saved the galaxy as much as I did. I might have killed Palpatine for once and for all, but I would have failed without Ben Solo. Without him, I would have fallen and Emperor would have won.”</p><p> </p><p>She stood proudly and lifted her chin in defiance to any who would argue against her. “He saved us all. And for that act alone, he does not deserve to die.”</p><p> </p><p>Without a backwards glance, she turned and strode back to her seat while the entire Convocation arena broke out in an uproar.</p><p> </p><p>Thousands of voices shouted and jeered. Some at her and some at the jury who sat stunned in the wake of Rey’s declaration and refusal to answer to the prosecution.</p><p> </p><p>Lorso called the court back to order with a scowl toward Rey.</p><p> </p><p>“That was all very well,” he sneered, “but you are not finished yet, Mistress Jedi. You still have to answer to the prosecution.”</p><p> </p><p>She would tear that wagging tongue from the prosecutor if she had any say in the matter. And then she would shove it down the loathsome man’s throat. They would really regret making her subject herself to his questions.</p><p> </p><p>But this wasn’t about her. This was about Ben.</p><p> </p><p>Withholding an eye roll and a heavy sigh, Rey stood with as much grace as she could muster and walked back into the line of fire, where the smug prosecuting attorney awaited her.</p><p> </p><p>Rey maintained cold eye contact with the man who had been doing his best to tear Ben’s defense apart. His watery blue eyes smirked at her as if baiting her to attack but Rey remained still. She was waiting for him to begin and would not give him the satisfaction of her very justified and very reasonable reaction.</p><p> </p><p>The smirk leaked down to his lips and Rey had to inhale slowly to keep her temper even. The man hadn’t even said anything yet and she already wanted to rip him to shreds.</p><p> </p><p>“Jedi mistress Rey Skywalker.” His voice contained hidden amusement as he greeted her. “You don’t like me very much,” he stated with a glimmer in his eye.</p><p> </p><p>“What gives you that impression?” she asked him evenly.</p><p> </p><p>The prosecutor outright smiled. “Just a feeling, I suppose.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey just shrugged and waited for him to ask his antagonizing questions.</p><p> </p><p>He propelled the repulsorpod closer to Rey’s pod and smiled like a nexu locked onto its prey. Her skin prickled.</p><p> </p><p>“I just have one question to ask our heroic Jedi, your honor,” he called to Lorso who was fingering his gavel languidly.</p><p> </p><p>“You have made it very clear from the beginning that you are extremely…attached…to Kylo Ren and it is quite clear to me and my team that you are unfairly biased in favor of Ren’s acquittal. So, let me ask you for once and for all.” He eyed her in thinly veiled disdain.</p><p> </p><p>“Why should the jury believe you? Ren might have you under some sort of mind trick. Why should the honest and just jury listen to what you have had to say about the murderous war criminal you have so passionately defended this day? Why should they trust your word over all the others?”</p><p> </p><p>The anger within started as a simmer and was now a full boil. Rey’s blood flowed scorching through her veins as the prosecutor questioned her reliability and honesty.</p><p> </p><p>All she had ever given <em>was</em> truth. But would the jury see that? Juries were meant to be fair, third party participants. But when the defendant was none other than a Force-sensitive war lord who’d allowed his forces to overtake several star systems and enforced their control with brutality, when the defendant was party to the destruction of an entire system barely thirty years after Alderaan, could anyone truly be expected to be neutral?</p><p> </p><p>And would they be willing to believe a young Force-sensitive woman who was a part of a religion deemed mythological and hokey by the majority of the galaxy, even though she’d stopped the very real and very acknowledged threat of Emperor Palpatine’s return?</p><p> </p><p>Rey snapped her head over to the pods that contained the jury and searched their faces—searched their feelings.</p><p> </p><p>The awful truth of it was that she didn’t know. She didn’t know if even a single one of those beings would feel compelled to listen to her, let alone believe that Ben had changed and deserved another chance.</p><p> </p><p>A shiver ran through her though it was nowhere near cold in the massive Convocation chamber.</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t convince the jury to believe me. I know that I can’t convince anyone here today, or anyone watching through the Holonet to believe what I’ve said. All I can say is this, though I’ve said it before.”</p><p> </p><p>She bit her lip and then stared out into the faces that watched her. “I would not be here standing before you, practically begging you to spare Ben Solo’s life if I didn’t believe him. If I didn’t believe <em>in</em> him. He has made terrible mistakes. Mistakes on so grand a scale that many of us will feel them for years to come. But I can promise you, of my own free will, that I know that he has changed. I know that he regrets what he’s done so intensely that he came here—to the capitol of all places, knowing what he would face if he did so—rather than flying away into obscurity with me, so that he could turn himself over and atone for what he did as Kylo Ren.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey turned her eyes to the jury, willing them to meet her gaze. “Ben Solo came here knowing that it would mean his death. He wanted to face justice anyway. He told me that he believes he deserves death. But I implore you to see that he does not. He helped me stop Palpatine, saving the galaxy from his machinations. He is our hero just as much as I am. And I believe he deserves to live. He deserves a chance to really prove to us all that he has turned from the Dark side. He deserves a chance to perform acts of redemption—to rectify the wrongs that he can fix.”</p><p> </p><p>“As the emblem of peace in the New Republic, I beg you to have mercy on him and grant him his life. Let him serve the galaxy. Let him serve you.”</p><p> </p><p>A deafening uproar filled the entire chamber. The echoing shouts and jeers shook Rey to the marrow and she nearly covered her ears as she returned to her seat.</p><p> </p><p>The cacophony grew louder and louder until finally Lorso’s voice boomed throughout the Convocation chamber, silencing everyone immediately.</p><p> </p><p>All attention was on him. “I believe now is the time for closing arguments. Prosecution, you have the floor.”</p><p> </p><p>The prosecutor spoke compellingly to the jury, highlighting Ben’s acts of war as Snoke’s attack dog and as the Supreme Leader. He worked the audience into another tizzy though they quieted on their own after a moment.</p><p> </p><p>“I believe I’ve said all I need to say about Supreme Leader Kylo Ren,” he declared at last. “The good people of the jury know which course of action is correct.”</p><p> </p><p>With a sharp spin, he returned to his seat looking more confident than ever.</p><p> </p><p>Qui Shan stood, her white feathery hair strands nearly glowing in the light. Her mannerisms portrayed her consistently calm demeanor, even in the pressure that now surely mounted within her. This was it. The last thing that she could say to convince the jury to preserve Ben’s life.</p><p> </p><p>Rey watched with baited breath, hoping that if her own words weren’t enough, that perhaps the Omwati lawyer would be able to say something to convince them otherwise.</p><p> </p><p>Qui Shan’s jewel bright eyes almost glowed as she addressed the jury.</p><p> </p><p>“Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, I stand before you in unique circumstances. That is a trial where the defendant, who no one will claim innocent, was not granted basic rights in an effort to ensure that he is sentenced with the maximum of penalties. He was not granted the right to plea before court proceedings began, rights all citizens should expect in these situations. And because he was denied those universal rights, once he is found guilty, he will be sentenced to death.”</p><p> </p><p>“I cannot tell you what to do. But I must tell you honestly that Ben Solo, a flawed man who was led to the Dark side but came back to the Light, does not deserve to die. His crimes are many. His hands are stained with the blood of innocents. But he has changed. And immediately after he turned, he sought to save the galaxy from Emperor Palpatine and the Final Order. Perhaps he can never be forgiven for the other things that he has done. But at the very least, he has earned the right to live. Without him, we would be under the crushing weight of Palpatine and his Final Order. At the very least, we owe him his life.”</p><p> </p><p>Qui Shan bowed her head in deference to the jury. “I implore you to search your hearts and do the right thing when deliberating your sentencing. Let him live. Whether it be in a prison cell or exiled from our society, please let him live.”</p><p> </p><p>The Zabrak plaintiff stepped forward within the Chancellor’s box to the podium. “The jury is now dismissed to vote on a verdict and deliberate sentencing. The Court would like to remind all in attendance that while the jury has the authority to recommend a sentencing, only the presiding judge may make a final decision.”</p><p> </p><p>The repulsorpods that contained the jury descended to their respective platforms and the jury filed out of the Convocation chamber quietly and the Chancellor’s pod lowered into its holding room, leaving only the witness pods, the prosecution’s pod and Ben’s pod humming in the air.</p><p> </p><p>Immediate conversations broke out, though they remained quiet enough. Rey trembled, the full anxiety of what would come next setting in. She didn’t expect the jury to need very long to deliberate. The verdict would take no more than five minutes and that was being generous.</p><p> </p><p>She cast her mind out to her bond with Ben, hoping that she would find his side open. It was still closed to her.</p><p> </p><p>But they were moments away from hearing of Ben’s fate and Rey was not willing to let him suffer alone, regardless of whether or not it was self-imposed. She started off by nudging his barriers to let him know that she wanted him to open up to her but he remained resolute, not giving way even a millimeter. With a touch of annoyance, she pushed harder and was rewarded with a small shove back. Were they in any other situation, she might have enjoyed the challenge, but time was running out and she just wanted to feel the familiar comfort of their minds wrapped warmly around each other. She wanted to grant him comfort and she sure as hell needed some of his comfort too.</p><p> </p><p>It was selfish to want him to comfort her after a day like today, but she couldn’t really bring herself to feel guilty about it. Not now at least.</p><p> </p><p>So she started throwing the full weight of her mind against Ben’s barriers and at last began to feel something budge. She did it again and again until at last, Rey broke through.</p><p> </p><p>She exalted in her triumph for a moment before seeking Ben’s consciousness.</p><p> </p><p><em>Why are you blocking me out, Ben?</em> She called out silently in frustration, half waiting for him to shove her out of his mind.</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s quiet scoff resounded around her. <em>I’m not exactly in a state of mind that is appropriate for mentally housing guests right now, Rey.</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>Rey chewed her lip and looked over toward Ben’s repulsorpod. <em>I don’t think it’s a good time for us to be alone with our thoughts now,</em> she said. <em>Do you want to be alone right now?</em></p><p> </p><p>Ben’s dark hair fell over his forehead as he lifted his head and looked up at her. Their eyes met. <em>No, </em>came his simple reply. <em>I just don’t know what more there can be said. </em></p><p>
  
</p><p><em>We both know I’m probably going to die. There’s no use in trying to tell me otherwise. And I’m…</em> he hesitated and looked away, his adam’s apple bobbing, <em>I’m not ready to say goodbye to you, Rey. I don’t think I’m ever going to be ready.</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>There was a twisting aching pain in her heart that didn’t just come from her. It originated from Ben too. Her breathing stuttered for a moment as she tried to overcome it.</p><p> </p><p>No matter what sentence the judge declared, Ben was not going to die.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I am NOT going to let them take you from me again, Ben. Do you hear me? It doesn’t matter what the sentence is. I am going to get you out of here. And we are going to live on a beautiful and quiet planet until we’re very old. That is our future. Our time together doesn’t end here. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Ben gazed at her with a defeated expression. <em>I know that’s what you want, sweetheart. But it isn’t possible. You know as well as I that things probably aren’t going to go the way that we hope.</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>The pain lanced through her again, cracking her heart. She thought that they were past this. She thought that he wanted to run away with her no matter how it happened or what it entailed. She didn’t expect his defeatism to return after their last few meetings together. How could it? When he told her that he loved her at long last.</p><p>Rey wanted to scream at him. She wanted to throw things and cry until he saw sense again.</p><p> </p><p>She tried to think through the logic of why he might have reverted back. Her mind raced to piece the puzzle together when her eyes caught on two young human children with auburn hair and yellow eyes. It hit her then and she felt her shame wash over her, taking the anger away with it.</p><p> </p><p>Her eyes fluttered shut and she withheld a groan.</p><p> </p><p>Ben had been faced with everything he’d done wrong today. Dozens of witnesses testified on his violent acts of war. He’d been reminded of all just how far he’d fallen from the Light and how difficult it was going to be to resurface from the guilt and shame of Kylo Ren.</p><p> </p><p>Of course he wanted to give up and give in to whatever the judge sentenced.</p><p> </p><p>She decided that the best course of action was to not argue over it with him while he was feeling this way. There would be no getting through to him right now.</p><p> </p><p><em>Agree to disagree then</em> she chimed flippantly back. Ben wasn’t so lost in his self-loathing that he didn’t feel a wave of amusement at Rey’s tone. She felt it rise and fall like a small wave close to the shoreline.</p><p> </p><p><em>I want to come see you after the trial ends,</em> she told him, <em>no matter what happens</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Ben mentally sighed. <em>If the sentencing goes as I predict it will, I doubt that you’ll be allowed anywhere near me.</em></p><p> </p><p><em>I’ll find a way to make it happen, Ben. Nothing is going to—</em> Rey cut off as motion in the corner of her eyes caught her attention.</p><p> </p><p>Her heart stopped beating and she felt the color drain from her face. Ben withdrew from their connection and nudged her out of his mind, erecting his barriers once more. She could see him sit rigidly upright, every aspect of him stiff.</p><p> </p><p>The Chancellor’s podium was refilling. And nearby, the repulsorpods that were designated for the jury were slowly filling up with the jurors.</p><p> </p><p>It was time.</p><p> </p><p>She watched the jurors fill their seats, each expression grave.</p><p> </p><p>Her heart dropped to her stomach as her palms went clammy. An image of a hidden bag stuffed full of clothes and others supplies flashed in her mind’s eye, reminding her that her plan was ready to enact on a moment’s notice.</p><p> </p><p>The reminder stilled her, soothing away the panic and replacing it with steady determination. Her lungs expanded deeply, accepting the large intake of oxygen as she breathed to center herself once more.</p><p> </p><p>If Ben was sentenced to death, they would be out of Coruscant before nightfall and somewhere far away by the next standard day. They’d be safe even if she had to drag Ben’s unconscious body onto the <em>Falcon </em>first.</p><p> </p><p>The Convocation Chamber fell silent as the presiding juror stood. He appeared to be an aging Bothan male, dressed in an elegant scarlet tunic. His ears twitched as he assumed his position at the front of the repulsorpod where a small podium stood.</p><p> </p><p>The Zabraki plaintiff arose and took his place at the Chancellor’s podium.</p><p> </p><p>Everything was so quiet that Rey wondered if those situated furthest away from her might be able to her the nervous tapping of her toes. She weighed her knee down with a palm and directed her attention to the proceedings ahead.</p><p> </p><p>The Zabrak spoke first, addressing the presiding juror.</p><p> </p><p>“Has the jury been able to come to a unanimous decision on both the verdict and sentencing?”</p><p> </p><p>The Bothan cleared his throat with a distinct ‘ahem’ and nodded seriously. His voice was deep and had an almost growling quality to it. It reverberated through the massive chamber and captured the attention of those who sat waiting with completeness.</p><p> </p><p>“We have.”</p><p> </p><p>He deftly slipped his clawed hands into his tunic and pulled out a small datapad. With a solemn voice he read the jury’s verdict.</p><p> </p><p>“We, the humble jury, appointed by the Courts of Justice of the New Republic, have come to a unanimous decision regarding the innocence of Ben Solo, former Supreme Leader of the First Order.” He paused, as if to steel himself before reading their verdict.</p><p> </p><p>Rey knew what the verdict would be, but her fingers still gripped her knees almost painfully tight.</p><p> </p><p>Everyone stilled in anticipation.</p><p> </p><p>“We have voted and decided to declare that Ben Solo is to be found guilty on all charges.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s eyes fluttered shut as she absorbed the declaration. Yes, she knew that would be the case. Still, it was not easy to hear.</p><p> </p><p>Almost immediately, her eyes flew open, knowing that their recommended sentence was next. Her palms went slick with cold sweat again and she looked toward Ben, who skin had taken on sickly gray pallor as he awaited to hear his fate. She wanted so badly to just be there with him, gripping his hand like a vice and sending him physical comfort. Instead, she was at least twenty meters away and had to settle with sending nerve wracked attempts at comfort through their bond.</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s mouth went dry as the Bothan presiding juror slid his finger across the datapad to open the sentencing document.</p><p> </p><p>With a calm voice, he began to read. Then he hesitated and set the datapad down. Rey’s brow furrowed all the while begging her racing heart to calm.</p><p> </p><p>“This case,” the old Bothan began heavily, “has been very difficult for the jury. We listened to much pain from both sides. Our heartstrings have been torn at repeatedly and we do not forget the tragedies that have befallen not only the New Republic but the galaxy as a whole.” He shifted and cleared his throat. “Having said that, there are many aspects of the case that have opened our eyes to the truth of the man who formerly existed as Kylo Ren. Based on those evidences, we cannot, in good conscious, recommend the death penalty.”</p><p> </p><p>Gasps resounded throughout the chamber.  Rey blinked once, then twice, unable to believe what she was hearing. Could it be? Had they actually been successful? She leaned forward, lips parted as she strained to hear what the Bothan juror was saying.</p><p> </p><p>“Instead,” he declared, “We, the jury recommend that Ben Solo be sentenced to life in prison, with the opportunity to face resentencing in twenty years’ time.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s heart thundered in her ears so loudly that she thought she’d misheard what the Bothan juror had said. She blinked once, then twice as her mouth fell open. She wouldn’t have been surprised if her heart fell out then and there.</p><p> </p><p>Prison?</p><p> </p><p>Not execution?</p><p> </p><p>It was impossible. It was more than she’d hoped. Ben was going to live. Yes, he would be imprisoned, but he was going to live.</p><p> </p><p>A disbelieving yet giddy laugh erupted from her, startling Chewie and Lando from their shocked expressions. Any other person would have been heartbroken at the sentencing, but Rey was not. By all means, Ben should have been sentenced to death for what he’d done. But they did it! They managed to convince the jury that Ben deserved life.</p><p> </p><p>She looked toward Ben, who sat back in his chair looking absolutely bewildered at the outcome. Dozens of emotions ranging from relief and wonder to fear and anxiety swirled from him.</p><p> </p><p>Her gaze shifted to worried. Yes, she was relieved that he was going to live, but was he happy with the fact that he was going to be in a prison cell for years and years? Melancholy mixed in with the abundance of joy she felt and she reached out for him. He didn’t pull away but he didn’t tell her how he was feeling either.</p><p> </p><p>But perhaps…Ben hadn’t been granted the time to give all the information he had on the First Order. So perhaps in exchange for that information, his attorneys could improve his sentence.</p><p> </p><p>Perhaps they could negotiate to exile? Or at the worst, a shorter prison sentence? With an earlier probation?</p><p> </p><p>The judge beat his gavel against the Chancellor’s podium and the noise ceased. He looked angry, like a zillo beast that has been denied its prey.</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s lifted spirits dampened, suddenly remembering a key fact about the New Republic court law.</p><p> </p><p>“As the appointed judge to this case, I must admit that I am disappointed by the jury’s suggested sentencing for the war criminal, Kylo Ren.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s hackles went up at the continued and blatant use of Ben’s old name. It was clear to her that the judge did not deign to give Ben any respect.</p><p> </p><p>Of all people, the jury was even using Ben’s given name rather than the chosen moniker he’d left behind. A testament that they were able to see through the mask Ben had carefully created and finally left behind…</p><p> </p><p>“You say that you cannot, in good conscious, sentence Kylo Ren to death. And so, I must tell you that I cannot in good conscious, allow him to live.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt the blood drain from her face, knowing with certain dread what that demonic senator turned judge was going to say next.</p><p> </p><p>“I hereby reject the suggested sentence and declare that the accused will face maximum sentencing. Execution via firing squad while Force suppressed in two days’ time.” Lorso slammed his gavel with finality and the massive repulsorpod propelled itself back to the Chancellor’s chamber below, declaring the trial over.</p><p> </p><p>As it moved further and further away, Rey caught eyes with Carise Sindian, who smiled at her blithely with a quirked eyebrow as if to say ‘See? This is what your actions have done. You have cost your beloved his life.’</p><p> </p><p>The world spun around Rey and it felt as if all oxygen had been sucked from the air.</p><p> </p><p>No, no, no! She had—she had to get to Ben. She had to get to him and get him out of there before it was too late.</p><p> </p><p>There was a grating groan that reverberated the air around her. Screams echoed. A repulsorpod, slightly crushed, was propelling itself towards her.</p><p> </p><p>No, it wasn’t propelling itself. <em>She</em> was dragging it. She met the terrified eyes of Qui Shan and Pollux and then looked at Ben, whose face was terrifyingly blank, almost as if he hadn’t even noticed that Rey was dragging his pod to her.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben!” she cried out. She was close enough to make a jump toward him. All she had to do was leap and then pull him out of here with her. They would make for the <em>Millenium Falcon</em> and leave immediately. She would leave her carefully packed bag behind. There would be no time to retrieve it from her room.</p><p> </p><p>With a twang of regret, she realized that she would have to abandon her lightsaber as well. But that mattered little to nothing to her when Ben’s life hung in the balance. Besides, it wasn’t as though they couldn’t build new ones.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben!” She yelled again and this time, he looked at her, amber-brown eyes full of despair, of brokenness. Almost imperceptibly, he shook his head at her, as though pleading with her to stop.</p><p> </p><p>But she couldn’t, she <em>wouldn’t</em> stop. Not until they were light years away from Coruscant and the Core.</p><p> </p><p>Rey crouched, preparing to make the leap when a heavy paw grabbed at her shoulders and yanked her back toward a massive, hairy chest. She shrieked and kicked and tore at Chewie’s arms, demanding that he let her go so that she could go to Ben.</p><p> </p><p>“Let me go!” she screamed. “I have to get to him, I have to save him!”</p><p> </p><p><em>“Stop, Rey. If you continue this, you will be imprisoned too and then how do you expect to help Ben?” </em>Chewie’s enormous arms tightened against her and tried to stop her fighting.</p><p> </p><p>Rey faltered slightly at that, but then began struggling again, but the damage had been done. With her concentration broken, Ben’s repulsorpod shot away, the being that piloted it was eager to get as far away from her as possible. Guards now surrounded Ben and trained their blasters on her, eyes hard.</p><p> </p><p>She screamed his name again as the pod roughly landed in its port across the chamber and reached out desperately to him as he was torn from his seat and shoved out of view.</p><p> </p><p>Once Ben had vanished from sight, Rey felt the fight leave her body and she collapsed against Chewie, sobs tearing out of her, making her sound more like a crazed beast than a human being.</p><p> </p><p>No. This wasn’t right. The jury sentenced him to life in prison. They were granting him mercy. He was being granted another chance at life.</p><p> </p><p>But the judge had the final say. And the judge had been firmly Sindian’s man.</p><p> </p><p>Ben had never stood a chance.</p><p> </p><p>That blithe smile flashed across her vision, which went red. The hatred she felt for the First Senator was a violent, bitter tang in her mouth.</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s eyes felt swollen. “I’ll kill her. I’ll kill her and then I’ll get him out of here,” she rasped so softly she was surprised to hear Chewie reply.</p><p> </p><p><em>“Rey,” </em>he growled in Shyriiwook, “<em>You cannot say such things. Not here.”</em></p><p> </p><p>“Let me go,” she demanded with a deadly calm.</p><p> </p><p>Sindian would pay for this. Rey would make her pay.</p><p> </p><p>Chewie reluctantly released her and Rey stepped away. The panic of the moment passed and she was thinking clearly again. Now she could see how poorly her gut reaction would have gone and silently thanked Chewie for his intervention. She would have had the entire Coruscant policing force after her and Ben. And that was if she could have gotten them away before one of Ben’s guards sent a bolt into his brain.</p><p> </p><p>Now she could hear the crowd’s response to the spectacle she’d given them. Great. It was going to be all over the Holonet within the hour.</p><p> </p><p>“Get us out of here,” she said shortly to the being who controlled their repulsorpod. Chewie and Lando exchanged looks but didn’t say anything. Rey was grateful for the silence on their part. The massive Convocation Chambers still buzzed with excitement but at least those closest to her were quiet. It was calming her just enough to think of the steps she needed to take next.</p><p> </p><p>Rey stood at the gate, impatient to be off to Rose and Kaydel’s apartment so that she could grab her bag and then figure out how to get Ben out of his cell.</p><p> </p><p>They were leaving tonight.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Okay, if you totally hate me, it's fine. I hate me too right now.</p><p>Man, this was hard to publish. Especially after all the lovely comments hoping that Ben would be acquitted after his trial. I'm sorry guys!  </p><p>The jury was on his side at least! Like Rey and co did their job. They convinced the jury to let Ben live.</p><p>But unfortunately, the final call was the judge's and if you remember, Lorso was one of the people Rey met while she was being interrogated by Sindian many many chapters ago. So he's in her pocket. </p><p>Sindian's New Republic is corrupt, corrupt. It's why Ben didn't get a fair trial or sentencing. She wanted him dead, so that's how he's going to end up (Though Rey has some words about that).</p><p>That's why Poe and Kaydel wanted Rey to come back, so that she could help them remove Sindian from office and reestablish a clean, fair, Leia-approved government. Though with how clearly the trial was tampered with, perhaps Sindian can be linked to the corruption? And our heroes will succeed?</p><p>Anyway, I'm sorry for this chapter, guys. I've known from the beginning that Ben was going to get the death sentence. I've known from the get go that Ben wasn't going to get out of Coruscant legally.</p><p>But please don't worry! We still have at least five chapter to go in this mess!</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s outfit:<br/>https://www.pinterest.com/pin/441563938463889850/</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Set in Motion</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi guys! </p><p>Here we go with the start of the final phase of this story. A part of the story that I'm having a blast writing right now!</p><p>Update on current writing: I finished chapter 29 last week and started on 30. I'm almost halfway done with writing 30 and like I mentioned just above, writing 30 has been like super fun. I hope you guys like it! From there I'm anticipating 3-4 more chapters? I'm not sure, I still need to iron some details out.</p><p>As always, if you're enjoying the story, please stop by in the comments or drop a kudo!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT: Set in Motion</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Rey expected to feel everything right now. And she did at first. She nearly unleashed her wrath on those in Ben’s repulsorpod, the ones who deigned to take him away from her.</p><p> </p><p>But Chewie stopped her and she realized, she needed to exercise control. She could <em>not </em>lose control now, of all times. She had to remain calm for Ben. She couldn’t help Ben if she allowed herself to crumble to pieces.  So now she felt numb. She compartmentalized the grief she knew was tearing at her insides. She forced away the anger and the pain and the doubt, knowing that it wouldn’t do anything to help her or Ben’s situation.</p><p> </p><p>She was grateful for the numbness that had replaced the other, more painful feelings. It was allowing her to keep her mind on the task at hand. It didn’t matter what she needed to do, she was going to do everything in her power to get both of them out of Coruscant alive.</p><p> </p><p>At the moment, there were several truths that she needed to acknowledge.</p><p> </p><p>First, Ben had been sentenced to death. The jury had sentenced him to life in prison, a mercy that Rey had hoped for but hadn’t anticipated. And then Sindian’s senator pet, the judge of the trial had overturned their sentence and declared the death penalty.</p><p> </p><p>Second, the New Republic was corrupt. Sindian needed to be removed from office before she could do something worse than sentencing a man to death or buying the support of a beloved galactic hero. Rey knew that Sindian was behind all the misfortunes that led up to the trial. She just needed to find a way to prove it.</p><p> </p><p>Third, if she succeeded in breaking Ben out of his cell, both of them would be fugitives of the New Republic. There would be bounties placed on their heads. Ben’s DNA was almost certainly in the system now, which meant that tracking fobs would be made and given out to bounty hunters and would make it more difficult for them to disappear.</p><p> </p><p>Rey tried thinking about where they would go after. It needed to be somewhere obscure enough that the New Republic wouldn’t be able to reach. Perhaps they could go back to Ahch-To. The only ship that had a course plotted into its Navicomp was the <em>Millenium Falcon.</em> Of course, R2-D2 had the map inside his server, but perhaps he could be persuaded to erase the data if she could find him and reason with him.</p><p> </p><p>Or perhaps Ahch-To was too obvious a choice. If her friends were held and interrogated, would they manage to avoid mentioning the hidden planet? Rey was fairly confident, but of all places, it seemed that her friends would find it most likely that she would go there.</p><p> </p><p> Maybe they needed to find somewhere else. Ossus? Bespin? Yavin IV? There were many planets in the Outer Rim that had small population centers. And certainly Ben was aware of planets in the Unknown Regions that they could safely inhabit.</p><p> </p><p>The repulsorpod docked and Rey nearly bounded out in her rush to get out. She collided with something solid and was caught by strong arms.</p><p> </p><p>She looked up, startled.</p><p> </p><p>“Woah there, Sandstorm,” Poe called out as he steadied her.</p><p> </p><p>“Poe?” she asked in a daze. How had they gotten to this level so quickly?</p><p> </p><p>Rose popped up from behind Poe and Kaydel quickly followed. Jannah rounded their group out, passing Rey and meeting Lando behind her.</p><p> </p><p>“Where’s Finn?” Rey asked, noting his absence. He should be with them now. The others looked around with uncomfortable expressions.</p><p> </p><p>“He had something he needed to take care of,” Kaydel replied evasively. “He’ll meet with us later at the apartment.”</p><p> </p><p>What needed taking care of so immediately that he couldn’t be there to be with his best friend after her life officially started falling apart? She pushed the hurt from her heart. She didn’t have time to get upset over it. There were more important matters now. “I suppose you’ll have to say goodbye to him for me.”</p><p> </p><p>Rose looked at her, concerned. “What do you mean, Rey?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey shook her head and pushed past Poe, impatient to be out of the Rotunda. “Not here.” She was relatively certain that the halls were monitored and she couldn’t allow anyone to hear what she was planning.</p><p> </p><p>They all exchanged looks. Rose spoke up first.</p><p> </p><p>“Well you seem to be taking this better than I thought you would…” she trailed off. “Or maybe not?”</p><p> </p><p>Lando laughed in a strained sort of fashion, “You didn’t see what she tried to do after the judge left.”</p><p> </p><p>Looks were exchanged again. They must have left immediately to have missed that spectacle.</p><p> </p><p>Rey huffed impatiently. “If it’s all the same to you, I’d prefer we talk about this after we’ve left this bloody building.”</p><p> </p><p>“Alright, alright,” Poe said, raising his arms in surrender. “Let’s get out of here.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The ride back to Kaydel’s apartment was far too slow. Rey was impatient to be back. She had to clench her fists tightly against her knees, rumpling the white fabric on her legs. Where was Ben? Would he be placed back in his cell or somewhere different? How many guards would be watching him now that he’d been sentenced to execution? More or less? Would she even be allowed in to see him? She wanted to see him. Needed to see him. Needed him in her arms. If only to tell him that everything would be alright.</p><p> </p><p>She tried to work out what exactly they would do after she got him out. She knew so little of Coruscant…</p><p> </p><p>She knew that it was comprised of thousands of levels—that the further one descended down, the seedier and more dangerous it got. At some point, she’d heard that the beings that lived down there needed oxygen masks to survive…</p><p> </p><p>What if she took the <em>Millennium Falcon </em>and found an out of the way berth a few thousand levels down and hide away down there with Ben for a few days? Poe had flown it back to a private dock on the tower that she currently resided in, so it wasn’t as though it would draw attention if she took it. It was hers now, after all. Chewie had given it to her.</p><p> </p><p>The main problem was the <em>Falcon’s</em> notoriety. There weren’t many Corellian YT light freighters of that model left flying. But it did sit for years unfound in Niima Outpost. So perhaps the point was moot.</p><p> </p><p> Besides, the planet was massive. It would take authorities several days to locate them at worst, and weeks at best if they hid down below. All she needed was a day or two to hide and then reach the <em>Falcon.</em> With the dozens of transponder codes and Ben’s knowledge of the ship’s many identities, they could easily slip away before authorities located them. And by then, they would be long gone down some hyperlane out of the Core.</p><p> </p><p>She exhaled, feeling some of the tightness leave her. Perhaps she didn’t know how to get him out of his cell just yet, but at least she had an idea of what to do once he was out of there.</p><p> </p><p>Another problem occurred to her. Money. She needed money, at least to start, to get them off the planet. Once they were safely hidden away, they could take on small jobs to make enough to live off of. Money had never been important to her on Jakku—hard goods were what mattered to her most there. The economy of scavengers had no use for something as frivolous as credits.</p><p> </p><p>They just needed enough credits to keep them clothed and fed. They could live on the ship; they would have to if they were going to live on the move.</p><p> </p><p>They could do it. They would be able to scrape by.</p><p> </p><p>Poe docked the airspeeder with a small thud and Rey was snapped from her reverie. She stood and leapt out of the open door, surging ahead of Kaydel and Rose.</p><p> </p><p>She heard someone call out to her from behind but she paid no attention to them. Her legs quickened and led her to Kaydel and Rose’s apartment and her feet skid a bit as she abruptly stopped. Her fingers danced across the control panel, punching in the code to grant her access. The blastdoor hissed open and Rey almost fell in.</p><p> </p><p>Rey marched purposefully through the apartment and crossed into her room. She needed to get to her bag and lightsaber, hidden away carefully in the closet. Once she grabbed those, she would say a quick goodbye to her friends, thanking them for their help and for a place to stay. And then she would make for the <em>Millennium Falcon</em> and start searching for the right place to hide the ship until it was time for her and Ben to get out of there.</p><p> </p><p>She spotted her bag and the hilt of her lightsaber and withheld a sigh of relief. Of course she hadn’t expected anyone to take them, but it was still good to see that the small cache hadn’t moved.</p><p> </p><p>Rey summoned the blade and felt more calm, more sure with it in her palm. She clipped it to her waist and then grabbed the bag.</p><p> </p><p>Rose and the others were waiting for her when she left her room.</p><p> </p><p>She stopped short at the expressions on their faces.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re leaving,” Rose said shortly.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes,” Rey replied not feeling an ounce of regret or shame. Of course she was. And they probably knew exactly what she was planning on doing. “I’m getting Ben out of here.” She looked around the room and met each of their eyes. “I have to.”</p><p> </p><p>Poe looked exasperated yet amused. Lando looked thoughtful and Chewie was impassive. Jannah’s expression was neutral verging on annoyed. Kaydel seemed alarmed and Rose, well Rey couldn’t really tell what Rose was feeling.</p><p> </p><p>And Finn still wasn’t there.</p><p> </p><p>Rey grit her teeth and set her jaw. “You can’t pretend that you’re surprised that I’m doing this,” she said. “The jury was going to let him live and that—that <em>vile</em> judge went against their vote! Because Sindian told him to.”</p><p> </p><p>Rose stepped forward, hands extended as though she intended to take Rey’s bag, so Rey took a step back.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey,” she said softly, “it’s going to be alright.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey blinked, shocked at what Rose was telling her. “How could you say something like that to me, Rose?” She took another step back. “Ben is going to die unless I do something. And so I’m leaving. I’m getting him out of here and then we’ll make for the Outer Rim.”</p><p> </p><p>Poe stood up, “Rey, Sindian is going to be watching you just to make sure that you don’t do that. I’ve already gotten word from trusted sources that she is going to be watching for you to do something. She’s got eyes on the <em>Falcon</em> too. I don’t think—“</p><p> </p><p>All of the frustration and rage and sorrow that she had been suppressing since the end of the trial erupted in a hot, roiling explosion.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t care!” she burst. “I don’t give a damn what Sindian is doing! She’s done enough! No one is going to get in my way. I don’t care if I have to fight tooth and nail to get to Ben, I am getting him out of there tonight!”</p><p> </p><p>Poe’s face hardened. “And what happens if you get caught outside of this apartment tonight? If you get taken in for questioning? If you get thrown into a cell yourself until Solo is executed?” He took a few steps toward her. “How is that going to help him? You want him out of there, but I promise you, if you do anything even slightly suspicious, Sindian will have you arrested. She knows how badly you want to save him, do you really think that she’s going to let you anywhere near him?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s eyes stung, “What choice do I have, Poe? Your plan failed. If saving Ben means I have to fight my way through officers and guards, then I will do it. I’m going to do whatever it takes.”</p><p> </p><p>Rose spoke up again, “Rey…”</p><p> </p><p>She shook her head. Why were they trying to convince her not to get him out of there? What did they expect would happen with this outcome? Had they really expected her to accept his sentence?</p><p> </p><p>No.</p><p> </p><p>They knew her better than that. They knew that she would do everything in her power to break Ben out of his cell.</p><p> </p><p>So what was really going on here? A few tails and some guards trying to take her into a precinct wouldn’t be able to stop her. She could easily evade them with by using the Force. The eyes on the <em>Falcon </em>would be a problem, but she could come up with some other solution. Maybe she would have to leave Han’s ship behind…</p><p> </p><p>She narrowed her eyes, suddenly suspicious of the absent member of their group. “Where is Finn?”</p><p> </p><p>Poe and Rose exchanged looks.</p><p> </p><p>Jannah stepped in. “He needed to do something before he came here. He should be back any moment.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey honed in on Jannah’s expression, cool, collected and in control. She was not giving anything away. Still, her suspicion didn’t abate even with Jannah’s reassurance.</p><p> </p><p>“What is he doing?” she pressed.</p><p> </p><p>“He’s talking to someone” Lando replied smoothly, “Nothing that concerns you, little lady.” He smiled disarmingly, which only served to spike Rey’s suspicion further.</p><p> </p><p>They were definitely up to something and Finn was involved.</p><p> </p><p>She gasped, pieces falling into place all at once.</p><p> </p><p> “You’re planning something.”</p><p> </p><p>Rose shifted uneasily. “Rey,” she started, “please believe us when we saw that it is much better for you and Ben if <em>you</em> personally do not know what is going on. So please, listen to us when we tell you that everything is going to be alright.”</p><p> </p><p>Poe sent an annoyed look in Rose’s direction and Rey turned her attention to him, desperate to know what was going on. If they were doing something to help Ben, she needed to be involved. “Tell me.”</p><p> </p><p>“We can’t,” Kaydel said. “Like Rose said, it’s better if you don’t know what we’re doing. But I promise, we’re still trying, Rey. To help.”</p><p> </p><p>That wasn’t enough. She didn’t care what the repercussions were if she knew. She needed to know what they were planning. She could help.</p><p> </p><p>She opened her mouth, “That’s not good enough! I can help you! I—” </p><p> </p><p>The door chimed and everyone’s heads turned toward it.</p><p> </p><p>Kaydel huffed in annoyance. “I told Finn to come straight in, why is he insisting on waiting for us to answer the door for him tonight of all nights?” </p><p> </p><p>She made her way over and granted the visitor access to enter the apartment.  </p><p> </p><p>Kaydel yelped and drew everyone’s attention to the blastdoor.</p><p> </p><p>Kantarra Maevus stood at the threshold accompanied by two of Sindian’s omnipresent guards. </p><p> </p><p>Kaydel seemed frozen so Maevus pushed past her without sparing a second glance.  </p><p> </p><p>Rey felt the blood drain from her face as she watched Sindian’s right hand woman stride into the apartment as if she owned the place. Her entire body felt numb as her rage fueled her to cross the living area to meet the despicable woman.  </p><p> </p><p>“What are you doing here?” she seethed with bloodless lips. </p><p> </p><p>Maevus smirked. “I have been sent by the First Senator to convey her condolences regarding the sentencing of Kylo Ren.” </p><p> </p><p>The only thing that stopped Rey from Force choking the green haired woman before her was the firm touch of Rose, keeping her arm down at her side. Rey shot her an annoyed look and wrenched her arm away. </p><p> </p><p>She glared at Kantarra Maevus. “You can go and tell your First Senator that she can—”  </p><p> </p><p>“Careful,” Maevus warned, honey brown eyes narrowing to slits, “you might want to mind what you have to say regarding the First Senator, master Jedi. You’re already on such thin ice.” </p><p> </p><p>Rey opened her mouth to retort but paused when Rose squeezed the inside of her elbow. She looked down at the mechanic who gave a slight shake of the head. Rey inhaled through her nose sharply and tried to calm herself enough to respond in a calm manner.   </p><p> </p><p>She bit down on her tongue and tasted the sharp iron tang of blood. “What do you want, Maevus?” </p><p> </p><p>“Ah, better,” Maevus purred. “As I was saying, the First Senator wished to convey her sympathies regarding your friend’s—or should I say lover’s—misfortunes.” She tittered, “Regardless of what he was to you, I’m sure that we can all agree that this misfortune could have easily been avoided had <em>previous</em> agreements had been upheld.” </p><p> </p><p>Rey’s temper flared but she held her tongue. The sooner Maevus was through with gloating on Sindian’s behalf, the sooner she could figure out what the others were planning and then could get on with breaking Ben out of his holding cell.  </p><p> </p><p>Rose’s grip tightened on Rey’s arm. Though this time it was not entirely due to warning Rey away from doing something rash. </p><p> </p><p>“What do you want?” She asked again punctuating each word forcefully. </p><p> </p><p>Kantarra’s smirk turned brittle. “As I’ve said twice now, I am here on First Senator Sindian’s behalf.” She gestured for one of the guards to step forward. “And I am here to remind you of your commitment of appearing at the Senator’s Gala as her personal and honored guest.” She smirked again, eyes glittering as she carefully watched Rey’s reaction to being handed a large, light weight box. </p><p> </p><p>Nausea struck Rey in an instant. Sindian actually expected her to still appear as her guest after everything? After Sindian went out of her way to make sure Ben ended up on death row? </p><p> </p><p>She couldn’t hide the snarl that twisted her lips. “If Sindian thinks that I would ever accompany her to <em>anything</em> after what she’s done to Ben, she’s far more stupid than I could have ever imagined.” </p><p> </p><p>Kantarra Maevus tutted, “Again, I would remind you to be mindful, Ms. Skywalker. Your Kylo is in a precarious position even now,” she inspected her nails idly before meeting Rey’s gaze again. “I strongly urge you to consider your response to the First Senator’s invitation very carefully…” </p><p> </p><p>Kaydel spoke up from behind Maevus, still at the door. Her voice was cool and even. “Rey will send word of her decision shortly, Madam Maevus.” </p><p> </p><p>She then gestured to the door, “Now, I respectfully ask you and your friends to leave my home.” </p><p> </p><p>Maevus sent an icy smile to Kaydel, who kept her expression impassive.  </p><p> </p><p>The green haired woman dipped her head, “Of course,” she demurred. She turned to leave but paused as her gaze fell on Rey again. “I’ll be expecting your answer by this evening. The Gala is tomorrow at twenty-hundred hours, standard.” </p><p> </p><p>She turned on her heel and left without a backwards glance, the guards tailing behind her closely. </p><p> </p><p>The blast door hissed shut and Rey staggered, bracing herself against the arm of the sofa behind her.  </p><p> </p><p>Kaydel was over in an instant, “Rey, I’m so sorry. I should have checked before I answered that stupid chime.” </p><p> </p><p>Rey’s mind wasn’t working right. She released a shuddering breath as she waved Kaydel off while staring blankly at the box still in her hands.  </p><p> </p><p>“Kay, give her some space,” Rose hissed from somewhere above her.  </p><p> </p><p>Rey tried to make her hands move so that she could pull the lid off and see what the contents were.  </p><p> </p><p>Would it be something ghastly? Like an appendage of some sort? Qui Shan’s hand? Or worse, Ben’s? In the moment, Rey couldn’t be sure that Sindian wouldn’t do something like that. </p><p> </p><p>She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t open the box. </p><p> </p><p>It was pried out of her hands gently and she looked up to see Jannah pulling it away carefully. “Let me hold this for you for a while,” she said softly as she stepped back. </p><p> </p><p>“That <em>bitch</em>,” Kaydel hissed. “I can’t believe that after she put you and Ben through that farce of a trial that she wants to rub it in by making you go to that bloated—” </p><p> </p><p>Lando held up a hand interrupting her, “Now wait just a minute, Kaydel. This is perfect. This gives Rey the perfect alibi. She couldn’t be questioned, couldn’t be a suspect at all if she were to go as the First Senator’s personal guest.” </p><p> </p><p>Poe’s eyes lit up. “He’s right, Kay. Rey will be clear of it all if she goes. And Sindian will be so self-congratulatory over her victories with Rey there suffering before her eyes that she won’t suspect a thing. It’s the best distraction we could ask for. If she goes—it might work.” </p><p> </p><p>Kaydel shook her head, blonde buns bouncing. “Poe, we can’t ask that of her. You saw what it did to her to see Sindian’s little lackey come here to gloat. What do you think would happen if Rey was forced to spend hours at the side of the woman who singlehandedly wrecked her future with Ben Solo?” </p><p> </p><p><em>She</em> didn’t appreciate others speaking about her as if she weren’t there.  </p><p> </p><p>“I can speak for myself.”  </p><p> </p><p>The others glanced down at her with wide eyes.  </p><p> </p><p>“Rey, you don’t have to do this, we can come up with something else to keep you out of suspicion.” Kaydel stepped toward her, brows creased with worry. </p><p> </p><p>They were right. Rey would be the first person authorities came after. She wanted to help with what they were doing, but—</p><p> </p><p>Rey looked to Poe, her eyes calculating, questioning. “Poe?” </p><p> </p><p>Poe regarded her carefully. He walked over and knelt before her, grabbing her hands. </p><p> </p><p>“We’re planning something, Rey. Something big. But in order for it to have a shot at working, Sindian needs to be completely distracted. And she needs to know that you aren’t involved. If you go to this Gala, Sindian will be distracted and our plan could work. But only if you’re there to keep her focus. She wouldn’t be able to resist gloating all evening.” His eyes held hers intently, willing her to understand the chance it would give them. </p><p> </p><p>The thought of being Sindian’s personal guest made her sick, but… She had to do it, didn’t she? If she could keep the vile woman distracted enough to allow the others to break Ben free? Because that had to be what they were planning. </p><p> </p><p>She set her jaw and gave a short nod. “I’ll do it. Just tell me what I have to do.” </p><p> </p><p>Poe gave her a proud smile. “Alright. Let’s do this.” </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Rough hands shoved him back through the doorway of his cell.  </p><p> </p><p>Ben kept his head downcast, still reeling over the sentencing bait and switch and the aftermath of the trial. </p><p> </p><p>He’d almost been sentenced to life in prison. But in a cruel—or was it merciful? He didn’t know quite yet—twist of fate, the judge ruled that he was to die by firing squad. </p><p> </p><p>He felt numb. And then that numbness faded and he felt a bizarre mixture of relief and sadness…regret and disappointment that he was going to be leaving Rey behind after all. </p><p> </p><p>He was more than disappointed. He was devastated. Maybe prison life would have been miserable, maybe he would have been driven mad being stuck in a cell all the time, but at least he would have been able to sometimes see Rey and feel connected through their bond…  </p><p> </p><p>And if he was lucky, maybe after those initial twenty years, perhaps he could have been let out on probation and if he was really lucky, maybe Rey would still be in the picture and they could have settled down somewhere quiet? </p><p> </p><p>He felt heartsick that those <em>maybes</em> were now <em>never</em>. Those maybes were dead and gone. Much like how he would be in two short days.  </p><p> </p><p>He thought again of Rey. What would this do to her? How was she going to handle this? What if this ended up killing her too? Cutting her light and life tragically short? </p><p> </p><p>Ben choked on a sob and crumpled to his knees. </p><p> </p><p>“Why did I come back at all if I was going to die so soon after, anyway? What was the point of this?” His blurred vision caught hold of the bare cot before him and he rested a hand there while the other clenched at his nauseous stomach.  </p><p> </p><p>“Was this some sort of sick punishment?” He gripped the cot tightly, watching his knuckles go white. “Am I being punished for my crimes?!” </p><p> </p><p>The silence seemed to echo tauntingly throughout the small cell.  </p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t as though he’d actually believed that he would get an answer anyway. </p><p> </p><p>“You’re not being punished, Ben.” A soft, achingly familiar voice called out softly from behind him. </p><p> </p><p>He froze, breath stuttering in his throat.</p><p> </p><p>He was hallucinating. The stress of the trial, of the sentencing. He’d lost it and gone crazy because there was no way he was hearing the voice of his dead mother right now.  </p><p> </p><p>Slowly, he looked up and then hesitantly turned his head to look over his shoulder. </p><p> </p><p>A soft blue-white glow filled the tiny room, emanating from the small figure of Leia Organa. </p><p> </p><p>“Mom?” Ben breathed out in wonder, tears stinging his tired eyes. </p><p> </p><p>Leia smiled down at Ben, who still kneeled on the ground. She looked younger than he remembered. Her skin was smooth in the prime of youth, her hair still chestnut brown and free of silver.  </p><p> </p><p>He’d been back for nearly three weeks at this point and not once had he heard from his mother. He had begun to think that he would never be visited by his mother’s Force Ghost. He’d done so much wrong in the past that he thought his mother wanted nothing to do with him. He especially believed it after he heard that Leia had visited Rey.  </p><p> </p><p>Ben shook his head, still not entirely certain that what he was seeing was real. </p><p> </p><p>“What are you doing here?” He could have hit himself. Rather than falling into his mother’s arms like any normal person would, he was questioning her? </p><p> </p><p>Leia took a small step toward him, reaching her hand out. </p><p> </p><p>“You weren’t sent here to be punished.” </p><p> </p><p>He shook his head again, this time in irritation. “Really? It sure seems like it,” he growled.  </p><p> </p><p>His mother placed a hand on his shoulder and looked down at him with slight consternation. “Need I remind you that you were the one who insisted on turning yourself in?” </p><p> </p><p>Ben flushed and looked away. He was the architect of his own ruin. Wasn’t it always the case in his life? </p><p> </p><p>“Why did I come back, mom?” He needed to know why this was happening to him. “I brought Rey back. I was at peace. I was ready to die…” </p><p> </p><p>His mother came closer and sat next to him on the hard floor. She wrapped her small arms around his shoulders, squeezing him slightly and he broke. The emotions that he’d kept at bay for the most part in the aftermath of the trial burst through like water crushing a great dam. </p><p> </p><p>“You don’t remember seeing me after you died, do you?” </p><p> </p><p>Ben’s head shot up. He saw her after he died?  </p><p> </p><p>His brows drew together. “What do you mean?” He tried to remember what happened to him after he felt himself fade away, but it was a frustrating black hole. If there was anything he recalled, it was oblivion—complete nothingness.  </p><p> </p><p>Leia sighed, “I should have known this would happen.” </p><p> </p><p>Her dark eyes, seeming deep blue in the glow rather than the warm brown he knew seemed luminous as they stared into his soul. “I came to you right after you brought Rey back. I was so proud of you, my dear boy. So proud. But I knew that you wouldn’t get to stay with me. And I told you as much.” </p><p> </p><p>Ben felt his mouth go slack. “So what was the reason?” </p><p> </p><p>His mother took his hand in hers and cradled it, leaving his palm open as she stared down at it. “I don’t know why entirely. Just that I could feel something in the Force, something dangerous. We could all feel it. Whatever is coming, whatever threat the galaxy will face now, it can’t be faced by one Jedi alone.” She closed her hand around his, forming it into a fist.  </p><p> </p><p>“The galaxy needs the dyad. The strength of your bond with Rey will prove vital to the survival of every being. And even that might not be enough.” Her eyes sought his, earnest, desperate. “You must find others—other Force-sensitives like you and Rey. Train those you can. Ally with those who already know our ways.” </p><p> </p><p>“There are others out there who are already trained?”  </p><p> </p><p>Leia nodded, “Luke took on more apprentices than what you saw at the Praxeum. All before you. Find them. You are going to need all the help you can get, Ben.” </p><p> </p><p>Ben felt overwhelmed. “But mom, I’ve been sentenced to die in two days. I can’t do anything to help now. It’s too late.” </p><p> </p><p>His mother shook her head resolutely. “It isn’t too late. You’ll find a way out. And when you do, search for the others. Prepare for what comes.” </p><p> </p><p>How? How was he going to get out of this? He was in a well-guarded cell that dampened his connection to the Force. He was going to be executed in forty-eight hours. He had no weapons, no way to hide. What could he possibly do to save himself and escape? It was a dead end, he was trapped, he— </p><p> </p><p>“Is this a bad time?” </p><p> </p><p>Ben spun on his knees and stood, gaping at who was planted before the sealed door of his cell. </p><p> </p><p>“FN-2187?” He couldn’t believe his eyes. So many unexpected visits today. First his mother and now the traitor? He looked discretely around his cell to find that his mother had faded away. It was dim inside once more. He tried to still the quiet disappointment he felt at her absence. </p><p> </p><p>FN-2187 scowled. “It’s Finn now, actually.” </p><p> </p><p>“Finn…” he tested the name, feeling its awkwardness on his tongue. Vestiges of his hatred for the Stormtrooper still remained, though he tried to push those feelings down for Rey’s sake. Hadn’t she said that he was her closest friend? Still, he couldn’t help but feel some amount of animosity and a degree of bitterness when faced with the traitor once more. </p><p> </p><p>“What do you want, traitor?” His voice was low and came out growling.  </p><p> </p><p>The traitor, <em>Finn</em>, raised a black brow and set his jaw. “I’m not here to trade insults, Ren.”  </p><p> </p><p>“Oh?” Ben rose a brow in retaliation, falling into old defenses at the sound of his old name. “Then What are you doing here? Did you come to gloat at your fallen commander? Did you want to see how great my life is going at the moment? If only to remind yourself that this could have been you?” </p><p> </p><p>Finn was out rightly glaring at Ben now. “You haven’t been my commander for a long time now, Ren.” </p><p> </p><p>Ben scoffed, “I suppose I haven’t, at that.” </p><p> </p><p>He stepped closer, wanting to get this over with so he could try to sleep. “I’m tired. What do you want?” </p><p> </p><p>Finn’s expression soured. “I’m here for Rey. As hard as it is to believe. And as difficult it is for me to say this, I’m here to help you.” </p><p> </p><p>It was Ben’s turn to scowl now. “What do you mean, help me? If I‘m recalling things accurately, you held me at blaster point, ready to pull the trigger at the slightest provocation just a few days ago. You want me dead. Why the change of heart?” </p><p> </p><p>Finn’s lips thinned as he regarded Ben while Ben drew himself to his full height, towering over the other man. Perhaps he should be more patient with someone who was offering help, but this was FN-2187, the one who essentially started the whole mess when he abandoned the First Order <em>and</em> Ben was exhausted past his limits. </p><p> </p><p>Besides, how could the former Stormtrooper hope to help him? Was he going to offer a cyanide capsule for a quick death? Was he going to offer to finish the job quickly himself so as to not give Sindian the satisfaction of watching Ben’s death? </p><p> </p><p>Frustrated binary filled his ears and for the first time, Ben looked down to see a spherical orange and white droid rocking back and forth in agitation. He looked up at Finn, astonished. </p><p> </p><p>“That’s the droid?” He couldn’t help but asking. </p><p> </p><p>Finn looked down at the droid that had <em>really</em> started the whole mess one year ago and gave a short nod. “Yeah, that’s the droid.” </p><p> </p><p>Ben hmphed in bemusement. The BB unit didn’t seem like anything special but when it cursed at him and threatened to torch him for torturing his master, Ben understood how it managed to evade him. It was spunky. And kind of cute. And he could absolutely see why Rey had been so taken with it when it found her on Jakku though he would never admit it.  </p><p> </p><p>He recalled what the droid had been saying when he noticed it. Something about it being able to scramble for much longer—“You’ve jammed the signal here?”  </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” Finn answered, still listening to the BB unit. “And he’s saying he can’t do it for much longer, so how about you listen while I talk, okay?” </p><p> </p><p>Ben didn’t say anything but could feel his lips drawing into a frown.  </p><p> </p><p>“We’ve decided, that is, Poe and I along with some others, to get you out of here. As in, we’re going to break you out of jail and you are going to disappear in the somewhere in the Outer Rim.” </p><p> </p><p>“I take it you spoke with Rey?” Finn hadn’t mentioned her but surely this was a part of her crackpot plan to get him out of Coruscant.  </p><p> </p><p>The ex-stormtrooper held out a hand, “What did I say about interrupting me? And no, Rey doesn’t know about this. She can’t know about this. She’s not going to be involved either because Sindian is going to suspect her before anyone else.” </p><p> </p><p>Ben’s brows drew together. So there were now two escape attempts in the works? And he knew immediately that he definitely preferred being involved with the escape plan that kept Rey away from it all to keep her safe. </p><p> </p><p>“Rey has her own plan to get me out of here, Finn.” Ben ran his hands through his hair in frustration. “You might want to talk to her before she gets herself imprisoned too.” He grimaced, thinking of the other possibility, “or killed.” </p><p> </p><p>Finn’s jaw tightened, “Doesn’t surprise me that she’d be doing her own thing,” he murmured almost to himself. Then turning his attention back onto Ben, he spoke again. “We’ll come up with some way to keep her uninvolved.” </p><p> </p><p>He remembered what his mother said to him just a few moments ago. Something was coming. Something dangerous. And he’d been brought back to combat it.  </p><p> </p><p>This was his way out, wasn’t it? He thought that he was done for, but fate—or the Force—had something else in store for him. </p><p> </p><p>He could search for Luke’s mysterious students. He’d gather them and prepare for whatever was coming. This could be one of the ways that he atoned for the acts of Kylo Ren.  </p><p> </p><p>He still planned on other things. He wanted to track down the last vestiges and take them out. He wanted to funnel all First Order funds into relief efforts and other similar things as well. Put their money to good use at last. </p><p> </p><p>And he definitely could do something about Sindian if his suspicions proved correct.</p><p> </p><p>He probably wouldn’t ever be able to do enough to ever completely redeem himself. But at least he now had more of a pathway. And that gave him comfort. </p><p> </p><p>“Alright,” he found himself agreeing. “What are you planning?” </p><p> </p><p>Finn’s expression verged on uncomfortable as he answered. “Well we’re still working on the final details. But the gist of it is that we’re going to break you out during the First Senator’s Gala tomorrow night. Lando Calrissian has agreed to smuggle you off world to any Outer Rim planet of your choosing. You’re going to be implanted with a tracker that only Poe and I can trace so that we can make sure you don’t fall back into your old ways. Because I don’t trust you.” </p><p> </p><p>A tracker? He squirmed uncomfortably at the prospect of having those two being able to locate him, even though he’d agreed when Poe planned to have one implanted in him when the tribunal was still on the table. </p><p> </p><p>He gritted his teeth. Finn had been milliseconds away from pulling the trigger on his blaster. Could he trust the man? Could he trust either of them? </p><p> </p><p>“How do I know you won’t give my location up to the authorities when the time is right?” </p><p> </p><p>The ex-Stormtrooper smirked. “If you’re doing something that I think is fishy, I’ll report you right away. I don’t believe that you’ve completely changed your colors yet.” </p><p> </p><p>His expression grew thoughtful, even wistful. “But Rey seems convinced that you have changed. And so for her sake, Poe and I will keep your location safe. <em>As long as you don’t go joining up with the First Order again.</em>” </p><p> </p><p>Ben almost rolled his eyes. “I plan on destroying the remains of the First Order, not leading it.” </p><p> </p><p>Finn stopped, regarding him seriously, considering the truth of Ben’s words. He worked his jaw. “If that’s what you intend, give the Stormtroopers the chance to throw down their arms first.” </p><p> </p><p>Ben rose a brow and Finn continued. “We were indoctrinated to believe the First Order’s rhetoric. Forced to serve from from a young age. A lot of the Stormtroopers would jump at the chance to desert our ranks.” </p><p> </p><p>Odd how the ex-trooper still lumped himself in with First Order soldiers. But that was something he could honor. He’d give the Stormtroopers a chance to lower their weapons before he attacked. </p><p> </p><p>“Fine. I’ll give them the chance to surrender.” </p><p> </p><p>Finn couldn’t mask the relief that colored his face. But to his credit, he didn’t thank Ben. </p><p> </p><p>“One last thing, Ren.” </p><p> </p><p>Ben met Finn’s hard eyes. He waited for the man to continue. </p><p> </p><p>“We’re breaking you out, but after Calrissian drops you off, you’re on your own<em>.”</em> </p><p> </p><p><em>“</em>Rey can make her own decisions, but I want you to think very carefully about whether or not you think it’s in Rey’s best interest for her to go with you… It’s her choice, but I know that running away to play fugitive with you is not in her best interest. And I think you know that too.” </p><p> </p><p>Oh. </p><p> </p><p>Ben blinked once, twice as he processed the implications of what Finn had just said.  </p><p> </p><p>Should Rey be coming with him?</p><p> </p><p>Part of him thought that she shouldn’t. She could be safe with her friends. She wouldn’t be hunted down like he was surely going to be. She could establish the temple that she was planning on and could pass on her knowledge to a new generation of <em>hopefully</em> more balanced Jedi.  </p><p> </p><p>But the selfish part of him balked at living life on the run without Rey in it. That part of him wanted to fight against Finn’s assertion that Rey would be better off staying with them.  </p><p> </p><p>So he did. </p><p> </p><p>“And what makes you think Rey is better off without me? We’re intertwined in the Force more deeply than you could ever understand. Why would it be better for her to be with you than with me? Her bondmate?” </p><p> </p><p>The better part of him stopped to think for a moment when Finn spoke up to argue. </p><p> </p><p>“You aren’t good for her, Ren. Don’t be a fool. I saw how your presence in her life darkened her before you turned. Despite everything she did to abandon the darkness, your presence lingered in her heart. And I saw how quick she turned on us when we arrested you. I know you’re aware of the influence you’ve had over her.” </p><p> </p><p>“The moment you came back into her life, she threw everything away. Since you’ve come back, you have outweighed everything. She’s ignored her duties. She’s ignored her family. She nearly betrayed <em>everything</em> we stand for—everything your mother stood for—just to protect you from a fate that we all know you deserve.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben glared at the man. He knew that what Rey had done was foolish and he knew that Rey had the acclivity to jump from Light to Dark more easily than anyone he knew. She always came back to herself. She <em>did</em> come back to herself. And he honestly didn’t think that his <em>influence</em> on someone like Rey was really that substantial. She was her own person. If anything, she influenced him more than he had ever influenced her.  </p><p> </p><p>“I know that she helped me turn on the Dark side. I know that she’s been the only person who has ever truly believed in me—more than my own parents. I know that when I’m with her, everything seems right—”</p><p> </p><p>Finn banged his fist against the wall, angry tears welling in the corners of her eyes. “If you asked her to come with you, she would throw her future away to follow you. Her dream—her <em>duty</em> to teach other Force-sensitives would die the moment you offered your hand to her.” He shook his head. “Can you live with that? Can you live with taking her away from everything? From us, her family? From duty? From her destiny?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben felt his heart being cut to pieces. Of course he didn’t want to take Rey away from the people that loved her or the people that needed her. But he also didn’t want to be without her.</p><p> </p><p>“So we let her decide. It’s her life—”</p><p> </p><p>“Do you love her?” Finn cut in angrily. </p><p> </p><p>Ben drew back, thrown off by the question. It was a stupid question. Anyone with half a brain knew the answer to it. </p><p> </p><p>“More than anything in the galaxy.” </p><p> </p><p>Finn swallowed his anger, stepped back and nodded, satisfied with Ben’s answer. “Then you know that the best thing you can do for her is to leave her behind. After the life she’s had, she doesn’t deserve to live in fear of being hunted. She doesn’t deserve to live in fear of going hungry again. And that’s the only life you can give her now. One where she’s always in danger. Leave her with us, her friends. We’ll take care of her. And we’ll keep Sindian off her back.”  </p><p> </p><p>He stepped forward and Ben took an involuntary step back. “She’ll be safe with us. And she’ll be able to help people here. You know how badly she wants to help people like you, like her. Like me.”  </p><p> </p><p>Ben ignored the last part as his head buzzed with Finn’s previous assertion. <em>She’ll be safe with us…</em> <em>We’ll take care of her… Best think you can do…leave her behind.</em> </p><p> </p><p>His limbs felt heavy and he leaned forward against the wall, bracing himself to keep standing. He felt his breathing speed up as his entire body processed what Finn had said. Rey would be safe…she would be safer with them. She wouldn’t have to worry about checking over her shoulder constantly. She could have peace, stability, if he left her behind with her friends. She could help others like them and bring balance to the galaxy.</p><p> </p><p> But the question of the matter was not if she could survive without him, but if he could survive without her in his life.  </p><p> </p><p>He knew she would be fine eventually. Rey was a survivor—a testament of a dangerous and grueling childhood. She would hate him for it, if he left her behind. Would she eventually be able to see that he did it for her? As her parents had all those years ago? Would she ever be able to forgive him for abandoning her after he promised that she wasn’t alone? </p><p> </p><p>Did it matter that she would hate him if it meant that she would be surrounded by people who cared for her on a planet where she would have every resource she would ever need? Did it matter if he knew that she would never go hungry again?  </p><p> </p><p>It didn’t matter, he quickly realized.  </p><p> </p><p>He’d gone a year with her hatred, loving her from afar. He knew that he could live with it as long as she was safe and cared for.  </p><p> </p><p>He didn’t know if he could survive without her, though.  </p><p> </p><p>Could he wake up every day from now on without her warm smile greeting him? Could he live without her gentle touch and soft words? </p><p> </p><p>His eyes burned from behind his lids. If it meant that she could live in safety, he would do it. He would try to at least. For Rey.</p><p> </p><p>Without looking up at the ex-Stormtrooper, he nodded his assent. “I want to see her before I go. I have to see her—have to make her understand why she can’t come. She deserves to know.” </p><p> </p><p>Finn watched him with unfathomable eyes. His jaw shifted while he thought. Finally he sighed, “Alright. I’ll make sure you get some time to say your goodbyes.” </p><p> </p><p>Ben’s lip trembled and he inhaled sharply through his nose, trying to keep the tears at bay. </p><p> </p><p>“Thank you, Finn.” </p><p> </p><p>For granting him a way out of his imprisonment and giving him another shot at life, for promising to keep Rey safe… </p><p> </p><p>Finn nodded shortly, “You’re welcome.” </p><p> </p><p>He turned and beckoned the BB unit to follow. Both droid and man left without another word. </p><p> </p><p>Ben sank to his knees, reeling. A shaky sob erupted from his throat, followed quickly by another. </p><p> </p><p>He was going to escape. But he could end up losing Rey in the process. </p><p> </p><p>He didn't know what to do. He just didn't know.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Okay, okay. So now Rey is aware of her friend's plan to bust Ben out, though they're trying to keep her out of the plot in order for her to have plausible deniability. Next chapter is breakout part one. I had to split it because it ended up being eight separate scenes.</p><p>And Ben. Ben got to see his mama! And she has ominous news! (which will come into play in the NEXT STORY, not this one). Yes, this news is a big plot point to the planned sequel. Ben might mention it to Rey or he might keep it to himself. We don't know yet... (I don't know yet :))</p><p>Finn finally came to see Ben. I think it's fair to say that they're not fans of each other. But hey, at least Ben finally got to see BB-8 and he thought he was a cutie.</p><p>Anyway, Finn clearly doesn't want Ben in Rey's life. And Ben (because he has a ridiculously thick skull as tagged above) kinda maybe sorta agrees with Finn. We'll see what Rey has to say about that. Lady does not like it when people make decisions for her.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. The Gala</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>We finally made it to the Gala! I hope you enjoy!</p><p>Writing update:</p><p>Working on ending the last scene of chapter 30. I had hoped to have it finished on Sunday, but it kinda got longer and longer and well... here we are. But I hope to finish it tomorrow and then I'll get started on 31.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <span>CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE: The Gala</span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey stared at the black gown with hatred unspooling inside her gut. </span>
</p><p> </p><p><span>Sindian sent her a </span><em><span>black</span></em><span> gown. Black for loss. Black</span> <span>for </span><em><span>mourning</span></em><span>. Sending a clear message of Rey’s impending loss and Sindian’s victory. Rubbing it in.</span></p><p> </p><p>
  <span>If she had the chance, she would burn the gown and send its ashes to the First Senator. Rey scowled at the offending piece of clothing and spun around to face something, anything else other than that stupid gown draped across her bed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It shouldn’t bother her so much. The dress shouldn’t mean anything to her at all. Because she knew something was happening.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She wasn’t aware of much, but she did know that whatever her friends were planning, it was happening tonight. Something that was going to help Ben. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She assumed they were breaking out—had chosen to believe that that was exactly what they were planning. But for all of the wheedling and begging she’d done throughout the day, she didn’t get a single word from them aside from vague confirmations. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Their reasoning behind keeping Rey mostly in the dark was because she needed an airtight alibi and needed to have deniability should things go poorly for them. They didn’t want her implicated in anything.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But they were generous enough to give her some small tasks while she was at the Gala. Keep Sindian’s eyes on her by keeping her engaged and distracted and get two key phrases out of her. They would take care of the rest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But the fact that she didn’t know exactly what they were doing was driving her insane, not to mention extremely nervous. She was surprised she hadn’t bitten her nails down to the quick yet. Though a quick swipe of her thumb across her fingertips told her that they were tender. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She exhaled and began pacing her room for the umpteenth time today. Kaydel and Rose had been locked away in their rooms working on who knew what while Rey was anxiously trying to keep herself occupied. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She’d tried to visit Ben earlier but she had been barred from even the entrance of the Courts of Justice. She’d tried to press her will on them to let her through and the guards just laughed her off. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What she really wanted was for one of their dyad connections to occur, but she hadn’t been having any luck with that. Not for lack of trying. She’d been trying to make a connection happen all day long. Which was why she’d spent most of the day in her room.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And when she reached out to Ben through their connection, he was acting strangely subdued. When she tried to get him to talk about how he was doing, he gave short answers that left more unanswered than not. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It hurt, but she couldn’t say it was totally unexpected, nor could she really blame him. He’d just been sentenced to execution after being baited with prison and Rey doubted that he was aware of her friend’s plans.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Still, she thought that he would have wanted her thoughts with him, giving him comfort…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ben?</span>
  </em>
  <span> She sent out a soft call down the golden length of their bond, hoping he would answer her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was met with silence and a keen sense of mourning that was not her own.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I love you, </span>
  </em>
  <span>she said anyway, her heart breaking at his silence. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He thought that he was going to die and he was shutting her out. If her friends hadn’t hatched a plan to intervene, would this have been how their last days could have been? Ben freezing her out in an effort to preserve Rey’s heart somehow? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She bit her lip and glanced down at the floor, soul feeling like it was ripping in two. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Why was he doing this? If his execution really was going to happen, how could he think that icing her out was going to be good for either one of them? If anything, they should constantly be in each other’s minds, speaking as much as they could so that Rey could memorize his voice, the feel of his mind intertwined with hers. She shouldn’t be feeling this lonely silence on his end.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her heart clenched and then she heard him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I love you too, sweetheart.</span>
  </em>
  <span> His voice was soft in a pained sort of way.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She couldn’t help herself. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Please don’t shut me out. We need each other right now, Ben.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ben’s mind stilled in hers and she felt a sense of the guilt he was feeling. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m sorry, Rey. I haven’t been feeling up to holding many discussions today.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You shouldn’t have blocked me out, Ben,</span>
  </em>
  <span> she sent, </span>
  <em>
    <span>We need each other. Especially now.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ben was silent for a time before he finally responded. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I know. I’m sorry.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey’s eyes narrowed in suspicion. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You know what’s going on. Don’t you, Ben?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She could feel Ben’s discomfort and knew she wouldn’t be getting any answers from him either. But now she at least knew that Ben was aware of his impending freedom and that loosened the knot in her chest a bit.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His answer came so late that she thought their connection had ended. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Yes,</span>
  </em>
  <span> he hedged reluctantly, </span>
  <em>
    <span>but I can’t tell you. Just know that I will be seeing you very soon, alright?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ben’s presence in her mind faded and Rey’s heart felt full to bursting. He confirmed that they were going to be reunited tonight. Warm tears of joy spilled over her lashline and she smiled, hand pressed to her chest.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A knock sounded at her door. Rey wiped at her eyes and cleared her tight throat. “Come in,” she called out hoarsely. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kaydel stepped in the room and Rose followed immediately after. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey…” Kaydel greeted softly with a little wave, “It’s time to get ready now.” She wore an apologetic expression. Out of all of them, she was the one who fought the hardest to keep Rey from having to do this. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey sighed in resignation and started drifting towards the girls. “Alright, fine. But I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> wearing that.” She pointed at the heavy black gown still draped over her bed. She glared at it for good measure. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Both girls wrinkled their noses at the offending garment. It wasn’t ugly by any means. But… Well. The meaning behind the gown was rather offensive and Rey didn’t want to give Sindian the satisfaction of seeing her in a mourning gown. It honestly really couldn’t be considered a mourning gown either, though that was clearly what Sindian had meant it to be, even though it had a plunging neck and sheer panels.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Although, perhaps if she wore it, it would sell the act a bit more?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rose chuckled and held out a large garment bag before her. “Bet you’re glad that I forced you to take this gown now, huh?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey blinked. She’d forgotten all about the stolen garment. A lush forest green gown made of floating layers of chiffon that would whisper across the ground. It was off the shoulder with tight long sleeves that cut off at her wrists and belted with a golden band of aurodium around the smallest part of her waist.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She thought for a moment and then smirked, making her decision. It would really piss Sindian off if Rey not only showed up in a different gown but in one that Rey had technically but not really stolen from her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’m really glad you made me take it, Rosie.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She let the girls lead her to her bathroom and they immediately set to doing all sorts of things that tickled and itched her face--things that she didn’t think she would ever grow used to. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Like dabbing on the skin colored liquid she now knew was foundation. Or the perfect stillness she had to attain when Kaydel came at her eyes with a black cream on an angled brush so that she could swipe it on in stark black lines that extended past the outer edge of her lashes and gave her a positively feline look. But the worst was the last part, the part that lengthened and darkened her lashes. That made her eyes water, threatening to undo Kaydel’s masterpiece. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eventually though, her friends finished their work and Rey was thankfully released. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The three of them went to wait in the main room, lounging on the plush sofa. Rey stroked one of the soft throw pillows that decorated the teal couch she sat on with a frenetic energy. She wanted to be pacing, but with the shoes she currently had on, she knew it wasn’t a good idea. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her whole body felt alight with nervous energy. Both eager yet unwilling to go to the Gala. She knew it was going to be difficult. She knew that Sindian and her retinue were going to do their best to make her break down, that they would taunt her and mock her. She knew that she was going to have to be strong and react appropriately to make the awful First Senator think that she’d won. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In all honesty, it wouldn’t be that difficult for Rey to convince Sindian that she’d won. Because their reality had come all too close to it. And if her friends failed tonight-- No. She couldn’t think like that. They were going to succeed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was only eager to go because by the end of it, Ben would be free and they would then be free to go wherever they pleased. She bit her lip, earning a look of alarm from Rose, who had painted them to perfection with a bright ruby red hue.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They wouldn’t be able to go</span>
  <em>
    <span> wherever</span>
  </em>
  <span> they pleased. But the galaxy was a large place. They had options. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She exhaled, thinking of Ben. She wished that she would reach out to him one last time before she left, but the escort was due any moment and she didn’t want to bother him when he made it clear that he wanted to be alone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Where am I going to meet him? When this is all finished?” she asked Kaydel quietly. Would Kaydel tell her now? Would she have to wait four hours for an answer?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kaydel met her with expressive brown eyes pleading her to understand. “Rey, the less you know the better. But I promise you, if all goes well tonight, we’ll make sure that you meet up with him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey nodded, grateful for whatever answer she could receive. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But the impatience at not being aware of their plan, of not knowing exactly what was going down was eating at her. More accurately, it was driving her insane.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah I know,” she eventually sighed. “It’s just hard not knowing…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kaydel smiled sadly, “I know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rose spoke up in an attempt to keep Rey occupied. “Would it help if we went over your job one last time?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey knew exactly what she was supposed to do, it really wasn’t that difficult of an objective. But it wouldn’t hurt to keep her mind focused and off of the prison breaking that was due to begin in a few hours time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “Sure, let’s go over it one last time.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright, so the party is supposed to last about four hours. One hour dedicated to a seated meal and then three hours dedicated to dancing and mingling. You need to stay there the entire time, alright? You </span>
  <em>
    <span>have </span>
  </em>
  <span>to be in full view of Sindian at the very least, but by everyone if you can.” Rey nodded. If everyone witnessed she was there for the entirety, she couldn’t be a suspect, one of the main reasons why she was subjugating herself to this horrid affair.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Your main objective is to get Sindian to say some sort of approximation of the phrases we previously discussed. Poe will be nearby to record those and then he’ll send them to me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rose continued, “At 24:00, when the Gala officially ends, you can leave. By then, everything on our end should be done. And hopefully news of what happened will just be hitting the Holonet by then.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Play the part,” Rose said softly, knowing how hard this was going to be for Rey. “Don’t seek out people to talk to, only engage in conversation when you are  directly spoken to. Get Sindian to talk.” She reached out and laid a hand on Rey’s green sleeved arm. “You can do this, Rey. Sindian is going to lap up everything you give her. And remember, the more you sell it, the less likely she will be to give her attention to anything else.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey fought a shiver. The thought of keeping Sindian’s attention focused on her for four hours revolted her. But she had to remind herself yet again, if Carise Sindian was getting enough enjoyment out of tormenting her, then several things would be accomplished. So she had to do it. She had to go and let herself be seen. She needed those phrases.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A chime sounded at the door and she stood, knees shaking with nerves.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She saw Ben’s face in her mind and smiled. In little more than four hours, she would be with him again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey felt her resolve harden. She locked her jaw and met Rose’s and Kaydel’s eyes. “I’m ready.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rose went to the main blastdoor and gave permission for it to slide open. Behind stood Kantarra Maevus dressed in a golden gown.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kantarra’s honey golden eyes narrowed as she took in Rey’s appearance. “That is not what was sent over.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey quirked a brow and looked down as though surprised. “Oh, you’re right.” Then she looked back up and shrugged nonchalantly. “I guess I just liked this one better.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The green haired woman said nothing but began typing furiously on her datapad. After a moment she looked back up at Rey and scowled. “Fine. Let’s go.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She had to hide a satisfied smirk as she followed Sindian’s disgruntled assistant out of Kaydel’s apartment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before she left though, she cast one look over her shoulder and nodded once to her friends. They sent solemn smiles back and it sent a thrill through Rey’s stomach.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She would be reunited with Ben. Tonight.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>The blastdoor hissed shut behind the green of Rey’s gown with a dreaded sense of finality. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rose knew that she was being dramatic. But in all honesty, she was absolutely terrified. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She had never done this before.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ever.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Well, she had escaped a jail cell in Canto Bight with Finn. And she’d infiltrated Snoke’s flagship last year. But that went poorly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But now? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Now she was expected to slice into the systems running the Courts of Justice </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> she had to scramble and or loop any security cams in the general area so that Ben’s escape could remain undetected. </span>
  <em>
    <span>And she had to do it without drawing the attention of the authorities!</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was an engineer for kriff’s sake. Slicing was not something she’d ever dealt with until that unfortunate incident with DJ inspired her to learn.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For only having known how to slice for one standard year, Rose felt like she was pretty good.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But she wasn’t sure if she was </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> good.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She held in a sigh as Kaydel fidgeted. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Phase one, complete,” Kay mumbled halfway to herself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rose looked up at her blonde friend. “The easiest part, unfortunately.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kaydel didn’t bother withholding her sigh.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, this isn’t going to be easy.” She walked toward the kitchen. “Can you comm Finn and let him know Rey’s gone? I’ve already commed Poe. He’s on his way with BB-8.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rose stopped short. Kaydel could have easily reached out to Finn too. She knew why she wanted her to do it. It wasn’t going to work.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kay…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kaydel munched on some algae crisps while she stared at Rose pointedly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Rose,” she said with a touch of exasperation, “He’s your friend. You can talk to him. And if you want him to think about you as something other than a friend, you need to talk to him more often.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh? And how’s that going with you and Poe?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The blonde woman threw a single crisp at her. “That’s different!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeah, but that was because Rose and Finn had actually kissed at one point whilst Kaydel just stared after Poe like a lost puppy. Rose was almost entirely certain that Poe had no idea Kaydel had caught feelings for him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you say that you are playing the long game with Dameron again one more time I swear I will scream.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kaydel just rolled her eyes. “Well that’s what I </span>
  <em>
    <span>am</span>
  </em>
  <span> doing. You’ve seen how quickly he goes through people! You know why I’m playing the way I play!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kay, you’re going so slow I don’t think he even knows you’re interested.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Another crisp was thrown at Rose, this time hitting her square in the forehead. “Ugh. We’re pathetic.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rose giggled despite her nerves, “Yeah, we kinda are.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her eyes fell on a leather band Rey had left on the kitchen island and her thoughts were brought back to their current situation. Kaydel’s eyes fell on the armband too and the smile dropped from her face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The mood went somber in an instant.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How are we supposed to pull this off, Kay? None of us really know what we’re doing…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kaydel took a few steps to pick up Rey’s band and examined it before turning to Rose, “I don’t know, Rosie. All I do know is that if anyone can pull it off, it’s us.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rose’s brows drew together, unconvinced.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re scary good at slicing and I’m pretty brilliant if I do say so myself. Poe has been running special ops like this for years and Finn does pretty well too for how little experience he has. We’re the best chance Solo has.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And if we fail?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kaydel’s confidence wavered. “Then at least we tried. Rey will know that we did.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rose didn’t really feel comforted, but at this point, she didn’t think anything was going ease the fear within. So she tried to breathe, reciting her part of the plan internally and trying to reassure herself that she could do it. For Rey. For General Organa.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The main blastdoor opened and Poe strode in with Finn and two droids. R2D2 and BB-8 were chirping at each other in agitated binary while the two men accompanying them looked beyond annoyed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kaydel met them halfway.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on with those two?” she asked while gesturing at the bickering droids.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Poe dragged a heavy hand down his face. “They’re arguing over some minor details. Something about the best way to make a feed look like it’s airing live.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looked around the apartment. “Looks exactly the same as it did yesterday here,” he stated. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kaydel smirked. “Of course it does. Gotta make that alibi air tight, don’t we?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That spurred Rose into examining the one of the two additions. They needed to look exactly the same as they had when they had popped in and out of the holocam feed recorded yesterday. Rose grabbed the datapad and opened the recording. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She glanced up at Poe, who was heading off to the Gala, while the video loaded.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was dressed in dark blue New Republic military fatigues befitting his rank as general, his hair messed in an irritatingly nice manner.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She slid the recording over to a point where Finn was visible and looked him up and down. “Finn,” she called while still looking at the datapad, “You need to fix your hair a bit. It doesn’t match what we filmed last night.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Finn sighed and came over. “Ugh, I tried.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can you fix it for me, Rose?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rose’s heart stuttered a bit. He wanted her to fix his hair? To—to touch him?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She fought the blush away and tried nodding nonchalantly. “Yeah sure, step right up,” she smiled more calmly than she thought she would have been able to.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rose peered down at the datapad and flipped some of his hair over, making it a perfect match to the image below.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Finn smiled up at her, “Thanks Rosie.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rose blushed again and turned away. “No problem.” She looked back at Poe and Kaydel, who was watching him with wide eyes. She had to force herself from rolling her eyes at her friend.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That Maevus woman took Rey with her about fifteen minutes ago. You should probably head out to the Gala soon, Poe.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Poe nodded quietly. “Alright, I’ll leave in a few then.” He pulled out the recording device. “So I get the phrases, send them to you and then I get to get myself kicked out of Sindian’s stupid party early, right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rose cracked a smile. “Yep. And then you and BB-8 will meet up with Finn and Chewie at the rendezvous point. Hopefully you guys will have the, um, </span>
  <em>
    <span>package </span>
  </em>
  <span>and you can deliver it safely to the drop zone.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She felt Finn step up next to her and she suppressed a shiver. “We’ll have the package.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kaydel interjected, “I don’t think we should be referring the massive son of General Organa as a </span>
  <em>
    <span>package.</span>
  </em>
  <span> It implies that he’ll be compact and easy to move</span>
  <em>
    <span>.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” She gestured to Rose, “You could fit that description, but Solo? Nope. Gotta come up with something different.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This time Rose did roll her eyes, “I was just trying to avoid using his name.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Doesn’t matter what we call him, guys. Let’s just get started with the plan already.” Finn moved away from Rose. “I’m going to meet up with Chewie and we’ll make our way to our position.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Poe straightened his jacket, looking a little less certain. “Alright, let’s get this over with. If I never have to think about Ben Solo again after tonight, it will be too soon.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Finn snorted his agreement and Poe started making his way out. Kaydel followed him leaving Rose and Finn alone for the moment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rose couldn’t bear the awkward silence. Or maybe it wasn’t really awkward and she was just making it awkward. Kriff. She needed to say something.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, uh, are you bringing a lint roller? Since you’re going to be with Chewie?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Finn looked down at her with a quirked brow and laughed a little. “I think he would be pretty offended by that. Besides, it’s hair, not fur.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The silence returned.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you, uh, ready for some major slicing tonight?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rose chewed her lip, the frayed nerves of before returning. “What if I mess it up?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Finn started, eyes wide, “Rose, of all people, you are the least likely to mess this up.” He stepped closer to her and grabbed her hand and squeezed. Rose felt her heart give a little flip.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re amazing, Rose. You’ve got this.” He squeezed her hand again, tugging her into one of his famous hugs. “You’re going to do great. I know it. Don’t doubt yourself.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He held her tightly in his arms and Rose worried that when he let go, he would see the bright red staining her cheeks. “Thanks Finn. Your confidence really means a lot to me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Finn patted her back, squeezing one last time before releasing her. Rose looked down to hide the flush.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“When this is all said and done, what do you say to the two of us running down to Dex’s Diner? And maybe get some food to eat?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rose giggled as her face flooded scarlet red. What was happening? Was he really asking her out? She tried to remain calm as she answered even as her heart nearly beat out of its chest.. “As opposed to what?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This time Finn flushed, “I guess nothing...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, let’s do it. Once we get out of this mess, let’s get some food.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Finn flashed her a wide smile. “Perfect.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kaydel was returning, with Poe having just left. Rose needed to get to work.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Finn took it as his que to leave as well. “Alright. Good luck guys.” He started heading out. Rose chased him, calling his name.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wait!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He turned, confused. “Rose?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She threw her arms around him one last time and rising on her toes, gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “Good luck, Finn.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Finn’s hand went to the place where Rose had kissed him, eyes wide and lips curving into a small, bashful grin. “Yeah, you too, Rose.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He left with and Rose smiled. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She passed Kaydel without a word, sending her a giddy smile instead and entered her darkened room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>R2D2 sat waiting for her at the terminal and it’s screen and she settled in, ready for the challenges that lay ahead tonight.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey arrived at the Gala both more quickly and more slowly than she would have liked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The ride over had been uncomfortably silent. Kantarra Maevus had very clearly done away with any pretense of tolerating her and pointedly ignored her the entire time in the airspeeder.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey didn’t really mind though. She didn’t care for Maevus either. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Inher win over Rey and while she was at that, try to get Sindian to say certain things that would work for Rose to build into a convincing comm while Poe recorded it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then, when the Gala officially ended, return to Kaydel and Rose’s place to grab her bag and get to the rendezvous point and finally, </span>
  <em>
    <span>finally</span>
  </em>
  <span> be reunited with Ben.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That last part was something she’d decided on her own. She was not going to wait a second after to find Ben. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The airspeeder began to descend down toward their destination and Rey gasped.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The rooftop terrace that was hosting the Gala was absolutely enormous. It spanned several hundred meters covered in sparkling lights and marbled flooring. There were two greens mirrored on either side of the main floor and from when Rey could tell, another terraced area above with long lines of tables.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Beautiful arrangements of greenery and all sorts of exotic flowers lined the entrance to the Gala and Rey couldn’t help but admire the lovely scent that permeated the way. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She followed just a few steps behind Kantarra, not exactly eager to be in her presence.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Others who were arriving at the same time as her stopped and stared in their direction, eyes wide and mouths gaping before breaking off to whisper urgently to those around them. She had to withhold a groan. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The guests were spotting her and reacting to </span>
  <em>
    <span>her.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was positively infamous at this point, what with saving the galaxy from Palpatine’s reach </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> very publicly defending an enemy leader in a trial that would be remembered for decades to come. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She observed a mixed bag of looks. Some were in awe, clearly finding the presence of the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Last Jedi</span>
  </em>
  <span> a gift and some watched her with pity. Others looked down at her disdainfully while others still fixed her with thinly veiled disgust. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Those, she imagined, were the ones most unhappy with her support of Ben. Probably best to avoid them and their derisive accusations if she could help it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She turned her eyes forward and continued to follow Kantarra Maevus, who was leading her to the head of the line where Sindian stood, welcoming her guests.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carise Sindian looked—well she looked absolutely lethal in her gown. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Its single sleeve sparkled silver as though it were made of hundreds of tiny knives. The rest of the gown followed in suit, leaves of sharp silver and gold lining the sheer fabric in rivers.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The effect was extremely intimidating, especially with her straight, black hair slicked back and her black painted lips. Plainly put, Sindian looked dangerous.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey clenched her jaw and forced a slow exhale. Sindian was posturing. That was all. She had to remember that to Carise Sindian, fashion and the clothes she wore were a language of its own. That was why she sent that black gown to Rey to wear to the Gala and that was why she looked like a razor incarnate tonight. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was sending a clear message:  </span>
  <em>
    <span>do not cross me. I am powerful and dangerous.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She had meant for Rey to be a clear example of the repercussions for crossing her. It was why she sent that gown. And it was why there was not a single guest dressed in even an ounce of black. But unfortunately for Carise Sindian, Rey had not played her game, choosing to wear the green one instead. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She hid a smirk when Sindian caught sight of her. Her jaw dropped for a nanosecond before she schooled her expression and regarded Rey cooly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you so inept from your time on your backwater dirtball that you refuse to wear what I’ve graciously given you?” The First Senator hissed at her quietly while stepping away from her greeting line.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey kept her expression still, serene even. “I didn’t know I was required to wear it. Maevus didn’t demand it when she so rudely interrupted my evening last night.” She looked down at her gown swishing the green fabric, exposing her leg in the high slit, “Besides, green suits me far better than </span>
  <em>
    <span>black, </span>
  </em>
  <span>wouldn’t you say?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sindian simpered, “I simply thought that black would suit your mood. After all, it is the designated color of mourning in most systems. I rather thought that you would want to display that sentiment to the guests of this Gala.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ah, so that confirmed the intentions. She had wanted to embarrass Rey with the pity or ire of the guests, depending on how they felt about her support of Ben’s sentence. She wanted to draw attention to Rey’s state of mourning in an effort to discredit her influence.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After all, who would mourn the death of a tyrant?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Luckily, after tonight, Rey wouldn’t have to. Because said former tyrant would be free.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The First Senator aimed a false smile at her and then firmly grabbed Rey’s wrist, pulling her to the reception line. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come,” she tittered, changing her tone so rapidly it almost gave Rey whiplash. “My honored guest must accompany me and greet our wonderful attendees, the Coruscanti Elite and the Senators and officials of the New Republic!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sindian forced Rey next to her and after welcoming an elderly couple dressed in fine maroon trappings, introduced them to Rey.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They greeted her luke-warmly. They were definitely one of the ones affronted by her support of Ben yesterday. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Next came a tall Utapan couple, both bald with faces bisected by numerous thin, vertical lines. They merely nodded at here with imperiously blank faces when Rey was introduced to them and then floated off to the bar situated under the terrace without a word.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey was introduced to dozens upon dozens of couples after that. Some gripped her hands, eyes reflecting pity at her situation. Those typically murmured their condolences over her unfortunate and swiftly arriving loss. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Some greeted her with enthusiasm, excited to meet the famed Jedi who saved the galaxy. Those typically patted her hands reassuringly and said things that were ranging from mildly to fully offensive regarding her prospects after Ben’s execution or, as some of the elder attendees would plainly state, back in the glory days of the Jedi Order, it would have been frowned upon for her to have an attachment to Ben Solo, so it was well that he was dying because now Rey could fully dedicate herself to the Jedi way.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At some point, Poe arrived and winked at her before assuming his position at the bar. Though she kept her face blank, it was a relief to see a friend there with her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Many attendees, those who had taken offense to her defense of Ben, greeted her with thinly veiled disgust. She tried not to let their treatment bother her too much. She didn’t care to be around them nor had she ever cared for the power and influence that her role on Exegol had granted her anyway.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But the ones who met her with open malice, Sindian’s obvious allies and sychophants, well, </span>
  <em>
    <span>those</span>
  </em>
  <span> she would make a special point to avoid at all costs over the next four hours. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She didn’t care to engage with them at all. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hell, she didn’t want to talk to any of the people at this garish parade of the galaxy’s richest. But unfortunately, several of the guests she’d met had made promises to seek her out and engage her in conversation later on.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sindian’s security detail escorted the two of them to the dining terrace and luckily Sindian was content to speak with Maevus and leave Rey alone for the time being.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey took that time to steel herself for what was in store.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After climbing a set of stairs that looked to be plated in aurodium, Rey was seated at the head table, only two chairs away from the First Senator herself. The honor of sitting directly next to Sindian went to Senator Malan Lorso and some other senator that Rey had never seen before. Though to be fair, she hadn’t really met any of the senators and had no plans to after tonight.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The dinner started off well enough. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The first course was served, some sort of warm, crusted bread topped with something creamy and cut with a tart vegetable. Rey had to watch the others discreetly around her so that she didn’t come off as some sort of uncivilized nerfherder when she began eating the small portion on her plate. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She did her best to match the pace of the others though and didn’t draw too much attention when pieces of the juicy vegetable toppled off her piece.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Two more courses went by with very little interaction between her and the two attendees seated next to her. But as the dinner went on and as wine cups were filled and refilled, the conversations grew louder and some attendees grew increasingly bold with their snide comments.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eventually, someone, a Quarren, broke from their designated conversation to turn and stare at Rey with a critical eye. “Senator Lorso,” he called over the table, “may I compliment you on a job well done regarding yesterday’s trial. You did the New Republic a favor when you went against the jury’s sentence and chose the only appropriate one.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Several of the table’s inhabitants turned their eyes on Rey, who clenched her fist under the table. Obviously they were hoping to get a reaction out of her. She remained still and tried to act as though she hadn’t heard anything.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Senator Lorso cleared his throat, “Thank you, Senator Jessek. I felt strongly that our republic would not be safe with a terror such as Kylo Ren alive.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey couldn’t help the hiss that escaped her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It would appear that our Jedi does not agree with your decision, Senator Lorso,” Sindian pointed out airily. Rey looked up to see Sindian’s black painted lips upturned in a smirk, her eyes glittering maliciously.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>All eyes turned to Rey, who had gone absolutely stock still. </span>
  <em>
    <span>So this was it, then, </span>
  </em>
  <span>she thought grimly. </span>
  <em>
    <span>This is the beginning of my torture.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey quickly decided to rise to the obvious challenge, though she knew it would be wiser to play it off and remain cool instead. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oh well, she thought. Most, if not all of the people sitting at the table probably hated her anyway. What more could tonight do?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She placed her napkin down on her lap carefully and turned her eyes on Lorso, who watched her with a sharp expression.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I thought my stance was made quite clear yesterday when I spoke for Ben Solo’s defense.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She picked up her fork and attempted to resume her meal.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And that is the million credit question, isn’t it?” One of the drunker guests muttered loudly enough to Rey to hear from across the fine table. “Why would a Jedi, our </span>
  <em>
    <span>last</span>
  </em>
  <span> Jedi, defend that </span>
  <em>
    <span>warlord</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When neither of his companions answered, he continued, answering his own question. “Because she’s sleeping with him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Some of the guests snickered. While others blanched at the man’s lack of tact. Apparently this was a widely accepted theory amongst the senators.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Now, now, dear senator,” Sindian called, “We mustn’t be too hard on the poor girl.” She turned her attention back to Rey. “Young girls make foolish choices in the name of what they think is love.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Misplaced infatuation, it’s what I’ve said all along,” someone chimed, agreeing with the First Senator.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Or is it simply hormone driven? Have you seen that man?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Aren’t Jedi supposed to be celibate?” someone asked near the end of the table.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Foolish girl indeed,” a middle aged woman commented to her companion.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh come now,” a younger, jovial-looking man called out, “Perhaps the little bird was seduced by the Supreme Leader? We cannot blame her too harshly for falling to that man’s whims. I certainly wouldn’t be able to resist!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey’s face burned. She knew that these people were saying things to get a reaction. She knew that Sindian was merely fanning the flames but the comments hurt deeply. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The fact that the people surrounding her thought that she had come to Ben’s aid because he had managed to seduce her or worse, that it was in the name of overcharged hormones, was extremely degrading. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They accused her of being a weak girl with a weak mind and a weak heart. Their words attempted to take away her strength—demeaned the truth behind the matter. That she and Ben, connected through the Force and through their souls, loved each other. That they were each other’s home and Rey could not imagine surviving the loss of her home. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And that was why she stood by his side metaphorically during his trial. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But she would not find understanding among this group. They were determined to paint her as a pathetic, infatuated child with a mind that could easily be misled.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey lifted her shoulders, determined to appear unaffected by what the others said. “I only did what I know to be right.” She looked around to meet the eyes of the bolder attendees. “Just as I said yesterday, without the help of Ben Solo, I would have fallen to Palpatine. And the galaxy would be under his power again. Ben Solo is a hero. A hero who made terrible mistakes, but a hero who has done more than enough to earn forgiveness.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The same man who started this whole thing snorted and nearly spat out his wine due to a mixture of amusement and outrage. “And despite Ren’s sentencing, she still brazenly supports him! No remorse or regret. Just the continued defense of an evil man who has more than earned his death!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey glared at him. “I know his heart. I know that he has changed and I will never regret defending him before the Courts.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Foolish girl,” he growled, “That talk will alienate you from the Senate. If you continue to speak out in his defense, you will have no support from any of us.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Perhaps I don’t want your support, then.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He narrowed his eyes, “Don’t count on it. When you need funding for your little Jedi temple, and I know that you plan to build one, you can be assured that you will not get a single credit from the Senate.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The bulbous man turned back to his meal and resumed conversation with his neighbors.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She didn’t care. She didn’t need the support of the Senate at all. Let them refuse her all they wished. Their opinions, their help was unneeded on her part. Her skin prickled and felt overheated from the anger that was building into a rage and all she wanted to do was run off and give herself time to cool off.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But she couldn’t do that. She needed to stay in plain sight of Sindian and as many other witnesses as possible, so instead she inhaled softly to find some semblance of peace and tried to continue her meal.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Unfortunately, after that barrage, she seemed to have lost her appetite.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With a sigh, she pushed her plate away and an attendant quickly came to clear the entrée away.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The respite ended far too quickly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How do you plan on watching the execution, Ms. Skywalker?” Sindian asked Rey with a pointed smile.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey’s heart stuttered. She had to keep faith that all will go well and that there would be no execution tomorrow. She had to believe that whatever Finn and the others had planned would work.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> But the thought still tore through her heart like blaster fire through flimsiplast. She felt the color drain from her face, felt her hands go cold as everyone at the table turned their attention to her once more.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey swallowed and tried to get her voice to work. “It isn’t a thought I’ve wanted to entertain, First Senator,” she replied evenly, surprised that her voice came out clear and calm.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sindian was toying with Rey. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It made her loathe her even more, if that were possible. She tried not to imagine making quick work of the woman with her lightsaber.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Pity.” Sindian replied and turned away.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It seems such a pity that a man of stature such as the former Supreme Leader should have to die in such a pedestrian way,” another remarked in Sindian’s direction. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey steeled herself. Ben wouldn’t face the firing squad tomorrow. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>wouldn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I find myself inclined to agree,” a black haired Bothan agreed. “It’s just so…so plain. Surely there is a more worthy way for that man to die?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lorso cleared his throat and spoke up. “I thought it best that Ren go in a way with little to no fanfare. His trial stirred up plenty. The faster he is gone, the better, in my opinion.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He’s going to be fine</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Rey told herself over and over again. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He’s escaping tonight. He won’t even be in the same system by morning. Neither of us will.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Still, she could feel herself slowly lose control. First she noticed her utensils begin to quiver and then her untouched plate. She fought to regain control of herself, practicing breathing methods quickly in hopes that her lapse would go unnoticed.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It did not, unfortunately. Sindian sat back, her face contemplative. “It would seem that this conversation is distressing Ms. Skywalker. Perhaps we should discuss other matters?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The relief Rey felt was quickly smothered by suspicion. What was Sindian playing at?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How do you plan to celebrate the successful capture and elimination of that menace, First Senator?” One of the middle-aged women from before spoke up, a sly glance sent toward Rey.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The First Senator took a sip of wine, thinking for a moment. “I suppose we will have to throw another party, Wilhelmina. We must celebrate the destruction of the First Order, of course.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The words were out of Rey’s mouth before she knew it. “The First Order isn’t gone. They’ll regain strength and appoint a new leader. This could have been avoided if you all weren’t so </span>
  <em>
    <span>dead set</span>
  </em>
  <span> on marching Ben to execution. He offered all the information he had on them. So that the New Republic could fully eradicate the Order. But you are all too consumed by your hatred to see that Ben Solo could have helped us.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sindian kept her cool and continued to sip at her wine. “Oh we’ll extract the information. Don’t worry about that dear.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey glared. “He offered it to you. That information more than earned him his life.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sindian blinked, “I wouldn’t be so sure, </span>
  <em>
    <span>girl,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” there was a hint of anger behind her eyes, “There wasn’t anything he could have offered the New Republic that could have earned him his life.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey bit on her cheek so hard that she drew blood. Her heart was pounding and the loathing she felt for Sindian, for all of the people at the table seemed close to bursting. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>If Rey had lost her appetite before, she felt like she was about to lose everything she’d eaten now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The rest of the meal continued without anyone else trying to speak to Rey. But she could feel eyes rest on her every so often.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This was far harder than she imagined. It made her all the more determined to get those key phrases from her when she got the signal from Poe. </span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Poe Dameron thought that he would enjoy this sort of lifestyle. In fact, up until the Resistance moved to Coruscant and merged with the New Republic, he had been sure of it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The food was nice and the booze was even better. But the people? Well, they just straight up sucked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They were oily bastards, promising one thing and then going back on their word to serve their own wants. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Very few of the New Republic senators were there for their people. In fact, Poe could probably count on both hands how many senators were there for the right reasons.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It made him feel ashamed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leia wouldn’t have wanted this—this sham of a government. She had wanted a true restoration of the Republic. She had entrusted him and Kaydel Ko Connix to help establish a government that would truly serve the people of the galaxy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But they hadn’t moved fast enough. Poe had allowed himself to chase after First Order remnants rather than gathering the surviving senators and by the time he felt pressed to do it, it was too late.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Somehow Carise Sindian had managed to gather the remaining New Republic senators, Centrist and Populist alike, and had reinstated the government all the while managing to convince them to vote her into the First Senator’s office.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And now the fledgling government was filled with corrupt leaders who didn’t care to help the people. Senators who looked the other way when illegal things were happening—including within the biggest court trial the galaxy had seen in hundreds of years.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So on that note, no, it wasn’t hard for him to sit at the bar nursing his fourth glass of Corellian whiskey. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His job was to appear at the Gala and then stay close enough to Sindian and Rey after the banquet to allow his recording device to capture the First Senator’s voice clearly. And no one would pay any heed to a man who was well on his way to getting wasted. Even if that man was the General of the New Republic’s navy. Or…whatever the proper term was. He was just a little bit drunk.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He tried not to perk up when Sindian finally made her way to the bar for a drink and a moment to herself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Luckily he’d been to enough of these things to know that she always does this, so with a quick yet discrete signal to Rey, he let her know that it was time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Time to catch those key phrases. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He subtly pressed on a hidden comlink he had stowed in his suit coat and waited for Rey to make her way over.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>From there, he would pretend to be absolutely trashed, cause a scene and then get himself kicked out of the Gala.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then he could safely transmit the recordings to Rose and make his way to the rendezvous point with BB-8 where Finn and Chewie would be waiting with that piece of Bantha shit that Leia had the misfortune of calling a son.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He still couldn’t really believe that he was actually orchestrating and participating in a prison break for the kriffing Supreme Leader.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What the hell was wrong with him?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But he knew, deep inside, that he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he didn’t do anything. Not just because of Leia. But because he really loved Rey. No—not like that! He tried that and that had backfired spectacularly. Didn’t help that he tried something hours after Solo kicked the bucket—not like Poe would have known—but still. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No, he quickly realized after that fiasco that he loved Rey like an older brother loves an infuriating yet somehow still endearing kid sister.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And even though he’d been really (well, justifiably) pig-headed when faced with the Solo situation, he eventually came around because he wanted to protect and help Rey. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He tried to forget the other reason, but at least Rey had been understanding enough when he told her why he was willing to help. Rey falling into Sindian’s hands was one of the worst things that could happen to them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But as time passed, and especially after he’d seen Rey and Solo interact with each other during the trial yesterday, even from a distance, the brotherly instinct kicked in more and more. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He just wanted to see Rey happy. Even if it meant that she was with Ben kriffing Solo. He grimaced but blamed it on the whiskey he was nursing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Man, he wished that it wasn’t so. He wished that Rey had fallen in love with anyone, </span>
  <em>
    <span>anyone</span>
  </em>
  <span> but Ben Solo. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He remembered the fiercely protective look in Rey’s eye when Solo had come down the gangway of the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Millennium Falcon</span>
  </em>
  <span>, stepping in front of him to keep him from his captors. Poe knew for a fact that she would have let nothing stand in the way of keeping Solo safe, not even her friends.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He felt a reluctant moment of gratitude that Solo had been able to get Rey to stand down.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Poe checked discreetly over his shoulder. Rey, dressed in a fantastic green get up (he could still acknowledge how great she looked even if he’d decided they weren’t a match), was making her way over to Sindian.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The girl looked like she was on a mission. Her eyes were grim, red lips down-turned. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Time to make himself appear out of the game.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey—hey!” he slurred loudly to the bartender, “Can I get another one of these whiskeys? I think it's Cor-corellian,” he made sure to stumble over some of the words.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Some of the people surrounding him shot looks of disgust. Apparently, it wasn’t appropriate for generals to get totally slammed at these sorts of things.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Suddenly, he heard a new conversation buzzing in his ear. Rey’s signal to start recording. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Though Rey and Sindian were several seats away, Poe could hear them as if they were sitting right next to him. He started the recording device right away, accepting his fifth tumbler of whiskey with a sloppy wink.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He settled in to listen.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I want to see him.” Rey. Always direct.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Poe heard the First Senator set her glass down with a quiet clink. “Ah, if it isn’t our darling Jedi.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He could almost hear the snarl in Rey’s voice as she responded. “Enough of your games, Sindian. I want to see Ben before it’s too late.” Then in an unusual display of vulnerability, she added a soft “Please.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Now why would I ever consider allowing you, a Force-sensitive being, into Ren’s cell block let alone the building? I know how desperate you were to save him from his fate. I wouldn’t be surprised in the slightest if it were all just a ploy for you to attack the guards and break him out?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey didn’t say anything. And then, “You know what happened there yesterday was absolutely illegal. Ben wasn’t even allowed to see his lawyers. And even I know that the judge almost never goes against the jury’s recommendations.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know you have something to do with it. This whole thing has been some sort of petty, twisted revenge against me for slipping out of your control. With all the intel Ben had on the First Order, he should have at least been sentenced to time in prison.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Poe wished he could take a look at Rey’s expression. He was pretty sure it would border between thunderous and murderous. He had to take care to school his own expression, keeping it carefully miserable and drunk.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They hadn’t been able to prove it yet, but he and Kaydel knew that Sindian had something to do with the block. She must have made threats or bribed the head of the department to keep her hands clean. But he knew it was linked back to her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And don’t get him started on the blatant use of Malan Lorso as the judge. That had Sindian’s hands all over it. Lorso hadn’t served as a judge in at least a decade as far as Poe knew. But he’d been present yesterday. And he went against the jury’s recommendation, which Rey had already noted, was extremely unusual.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>If they could just prove that the First Senator had illegally controlled the outcome, then maybe they could have grounds to charge Sindian formally for obstructing justice and unfairly interfering with matters that were not within her realm of power. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Poe shifted in his seat, excited. Rey seemed to be playing to get Sindian to confess. She only had to get the First Senator to say two phrases, but she was asked to try to wriggle something that could implicate Carise Sindian too, if that were at all possible. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sindian’s tone remained nonchalant. “Ugh, this again?” she scoffed. “I’m sure I was completely unaware of Ren being unable to see his attorneys at the time. If you’d follow the data trail, you’ll see that the block did not come from my office. It came from the head of the Department of Justice, who has been thoroughly reprimanded and stripped of her office.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“As for your accusation that I was somehow involved with obstruction of justice regarding Kylo Ren, I can assure you that even if it </span>
  <em>
    <span>were</span>
  </em>
  <span> true, no one would care in the slightest that a tyrannical warlord was rightly sentenced to die. If I </span>
  <em>
    <span>were</span>
  </em>
  <span> involved in guaranteeing his end, then I would be applauded, not hailed as a criminal.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Poe knocked back the rest of his whiskey. Could he work with that? She was kinda, sorta confessing in an indirect way, right?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’d have Kaydel listen to that part of the recording. The blonde representative had Leia’s instincts with this sort of stuff. His lips quirked up a bit at the thought of Kaydel Ko Connix. She was something.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He beckoned for another whiskey. The bartender rolled her eyes but sent another one his way. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey responded lowly. “You could have left him out of this. Your issue is with me, not him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sindian laughed. “Oh my dear girl, I couldn’t have left him out of this even if I wanted to. Not only would it have been political suicide to pardon </span>
  <em>
    <span>Kylo Ren</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but getting rid of him was simply too perfect a way to get back at you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He deserted the First Order! And he would have given the New Republic everything he had on them to help us bring them down permanently. With everything he could have given, he should have been allowed to make a deal with the government—“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sindian cut Rey off mid-sentence. “Ah, I see you’ve spoken to his lawyers.” Her tone was mocking, derisive. “Well, little girl, let me tell you once and for all since you don’t seem to understand what you’re saying. Ren was the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Supreme Leader</span>
  </em>
  <span> of a hated military faction that completely obliterated the Hosnian system. A faction that illegally and brutally conquered and oppressed dozens of systems in the galaxy. It does not matter that he suddenly had a change of heart and switched sides. It doesn’t matter that he could offer information that would eradicate the First Order.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But—“ Rey tried to interject but Sindian spoke over her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He made his choices. He chose to support and then </span>
  <em>
    <span>lead</span>
  </em>
  <span> the First Order. And because of that, I will not pardon him. I will not let him go. Even if you had not broken your commitment to me, the outcome would have remained the same. Ren has to die. I will not be known as the First Senator who pardoned our greatest enemy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Poe slammed the glass down too hard and drew attention. He waved them off, carefully sipping at the whisky again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sindian wasn’t done yet. “As for the information Ren has?” she laughed humorlessly. “He’ll speak with me about that tomorrow before his execution. I’ll get the information out of him before he meets with the firing squad. Don’t you worry about that. The remains of the First Order will crumble.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Poe stopped listening. They got the phrases they needed. And a little extra. Rose would be able to work with what they had to make a convincing recording. With the first of his tasks, he stood up to leave, swaying a little.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oops</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he thought as he steadied himself. Looks like he had just a little bit too much to drink. He’d have to drink water to rectify that before he rendezvoused with the others. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Poe checked the chrono on his wrist. There was about an hour and a half left of the Gala. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Perfect. He couldn’t have timed it better himself. But the General of the New Republic couldn’t just leave an event of this scale early. There would be questions.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So, he had to get himself kicked out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Which was easier said than done.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey barkeep!” he called out, making sure to slur a bit, “I want two more of these…these whiskeys.” Poe stumbled up to the bar, almost crashing on top of a seated couple in the middle of something. He ignored their indignant cries and separated them. “Two more glasses, please,” he sent them his Poe Dameron smile and then belched loudly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The couple he’d rudely interrupted stormed off. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hopefully they would go report him. Or something. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The bartender eyed him again. “I think you’ve had enough, </span>
  <em>
    <span>General.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can count on two hands how many I’ve had tonight.” He held up six fingers. “So that means that I can have four more!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He held his hand out for the tumblers but the bartender shook his head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I said you’re done. You’ve had enough.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Poe gestured dismissively at the man. “Pfft, you’re no fun.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He walked away, steeling himself for the performance. A fountain lay ahead, sparkling water spraying from the top and misting the already slick floor.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A smirk found its way to his lips. Perfect.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He fixed a scowl on his face. “What kinda party is this?” He shouted, turning around and throwing his arms up in frustration.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I gotta deal with you lousy politicians all night. Listening to your two-faced, backhanded compliments with a smile. Gotta play your games, right? And I don’t even get the pleasure of drowning myself in an unlimited bar?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The conversations in the general vicinity halted and everyone stopped to stare at him with open mouths. Even Sindian, who had gotten away from Rey watched him with horror mixed with fury.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Good. He gets to make a scene and piss Carise Sindian off at her own party. Bonus points if he totally embarrasses her and ruins the event.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The fountain was getting closer, so he turned to face his back toward it. “No seriously. If I have to listen to you people complain about how you couldn’t get some senator or another to back you on some bill that would line your pockets while there are billions of beings out in the galaxy </span>
  <em>
    <span>starving</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I will literally poison myself with every last drop of alcohol this piece of shit party has to offer.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He spotted some security detail making their way towards him and congratulated himself on a job well done.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And now—for the finale.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He gestured at Sindian. “And </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> Madam Senator, are the worst offender of them all. Leia would be ashamed. She would—“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His feet slipped out from underneath him and he tumbled backwards into the waiting fountain below.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He settled down to the bottom with a smile on his face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seconds later, two pairs of arms hauled him out of the chilly water and were rapidly escorting him away from the gathered crowd.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright hotshot, that’s enough out of you,” one of them declared as they guided him toward the airspeeders.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But I wasn’t done with my speech,” Poe halfheartedly protested. Internally, he was absolutely gleeful. Finn would be so proud. Finn was going to laugh his ass off.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He hoped that Kaydel would too. Then his brows drew together. Where the hell had that come from.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright, General Dameron. You’ve been asked to leave the Gala. Go home and sleep it off before you make an even bigger fool of yourself.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The guards turned and left him next to an awaiting speeder.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Poe sent a mocking bow in their direction and then hopped in, calling BB-8 to follow him. He gave the droid instructions to drop him off at one of the sky towers adjacent to his building. If anyone was tracking his movements, he could play it off as a drunken mishap.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He pulled the recording device out of his pocket and transferred the data to a small datapad he kept in his other pocket.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once that was done, he encrypted the recordings and sent them off to Rose.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Now he needed to find a way to the rendezvous point.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He shivered, regretting the brilliance of taking a dunk in that fountain.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Poe groaned. This was going to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>kriffing</span>
  </em>
  <span> fantastic.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Oh boy, so this chapter was more of a set up, but remember when I told you that I had to split this chapter and the other because they amounted to eight total scenes? I had to split them!</p><p>Anyway, so Rey is really nervous but also just so ready to be back with Benny-boy. Rose is freaking out a little bit and Poe gets to have a little fun while getting his job done.</p><p>Sindian is a jerk and I hate her and I hate all the senators that flock around her. Booooo senators.</p><p>We will get a really big Ben POV next chapter and I hope that you guys like it! It hit me in the feels a bit. Plus, we're getting a brief Kaydel POV next chapter too! </p><p> </p><p>Rey’s green gown<br/>https://www.pinterest.com/pin/369576713174104164/ </p><p>Rey’s rejected black gown<br/>https://www.pinterest.com/pin/379639443592009471/ </p><p>Maevus's gown<br/>https://www.pinterest.com/pin/310326230576472544/ </p><p>Sindian's gown<br/>https://www.pinterest.com/pin/106116134957144980/</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0030"><h2>30. Perfectly Executed</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>She's posting!!</p><p>It's here! The big kahuna! The grande finale! The moment you've all been waiting for, THE BREAKOUT!<br/>Yeah, this here chapter was massive. Total of 45 google doc pages. And took me many, many weeks to conclude. But I finished it! </p><p>And I hope you guys enjoy reading it because it was soooo fun for me to write. Like I've loved writing this whole thing, but this particular chapter was especially fun. It went in a totally different direction than what I imagined when this story was still an outline. But I think the end result is so much better.</p><p>UPDATE ON WRITING:</p><p>Chapter count went up to 33 :) possibly will end up with 34 but who knows.</p><p>Okay, so we've finally reached a point where I've pretty much caught up to myself writing-wise. This means that posting is going to slow down. I'm sorry :( </p><p>My husband and I are also in the middle of packing our home up to move to Portland, Oregon next Friday, so I won't be posting next week or the week after (we'll be busy settling in and adjusting to a new city). Hopefully I'll have plenty of time to write in the evenings, but I'm not sure.</p><p>On a more pleasant note, chapter 31 is almost done. So if I'm blessed with enough time over the next two weeks, I'll finish 31 and have a decent chunk of 32 written. </p><p>Thanks for reading! You guys are the best and I am so grateful for you all!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>CHAPTER THIRTY: Perfectly Executed</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Rose wiped sweat from her forehead before it dripped onto the keyboard that she was furiously typing commands into. She was <em> so </em> close to getting into the Courts of Justice systems. She just needed a few more minutes of uninterrupted slicing.</p><p> </p><p>She sat in her room alone, typing away trying to break through the firewall and gain control over the situation. Rose swiped at her forehead again. She was stuck inside her bedroom and thought it felt like she was doing the least, she knew that without her, this whole thing would backfire.</p><p> </p><p>It was why she was freaking out about the whole thing. Everything would fall apart if she failed.</p><p> </p><p>Rose’s ears picked up on a low whistle outside in the living area. R2-D2 was busy broadcasting her and Kaydel’s “live” stream.</p><p> </p><p>They’d sent out a general survey to the public and selected questions to answer while they recorded the video yesterday. She wasn’t sure that anyone would really care, but she’d been wrong. They’d gotten millions of responses and had spent the better part of yesterday evening filtering through them. It appeared that many beings in the galaxy were curious about the day to day lives of the Resistance members. Though Rose supposed that it was because she and Kaydel were one of the more infamous ones now, even though most questions were about General Organa herself or the Golden Trio. </p><p> </p><p>Lots of questions about Rey and Finn and Poe. </p><p> </p><p><em> What is Rey like? Does Poe have a significant other? What is Finn’s favorite food? Is Rey scary to be around? </em>And so on.</p><p> </p><p>Rose and Kaydel did get questions about themselves and what it was like to be in the Resistance, but those were less common than the others.</p><p> </p><p>She almost regretted doing it, but they needed to. It was simple and worked perfectly.</p><p> </p><p>The plan was to give the two of them and Finn an alibi mundane enough to keep any agents off their back in the event that they became suspects.</p><p> </p><p>She hoped that it would work. She hoped that they wouldn’t be suspects at all. But Poe was fairly certain that they would be and so…</p><p> </p><p>There! </p><p> </p><p>She was in. Rose whooped and gave a little fist pump in celebration.</p><p> </p><p>She was in the Courts internal systems. She had total control over what the security guards saw and heard. <em> And </em> most importantly, she could turn systems off and on with a few commands on her end. </p><p> </p><p>Rose sat back, sighing in relief. Her part of the plan was going well. It wasn’t easy by any means, but she was getting it done. </p><p> </p><p>She was tempted to take a sip of the celebratory wine Kaydel had stashed away in the event that they managed to pull the prison break off. But she didn’t. </p><p> </p><p>She wanted to keep her head completely clear and she had a tendency to be a lightweight. But, Rose thought with a chuckle to herself, at least she wasn’t as lightweight as Rey. That girl could get drunk off of a sip.</p><p> </p><p>With her big success, Rose was slowly building confidence that they might just be able to do it.</p><p> </p><p> Now she just needed Poe’s recordings and then things would really start—</p><p> </p><p>Her data pad pinged. </p><p> </p><p>Perfect timing, Poe.</p><p> </p><p>She looked down and nodded to herself, prepping for the next phase. </p><p> </p><p>“It’s simple,” she muttered to herself. “Way easier than slicing into a super secure holding center. Just gotta splice a few phrases together. Make it look like it’s coming from Sindian. I just did something way harder. I can do this, I can do this.”</p><p> </p><p>Rose looked at the chronometer and chewed her lip. She needed to move fast if she wanted to send this off before Kaydel and Lando enacted their part of the plan.</p><p> </p><p>She cracked her knuckles and winced, remembering how much Paige hated that habit. She touched her medallion in silent apology to her sister and began listening to the recording. </p><p> </p><p>As Rose got further and further into the recording, she felt more and more motivated to punch Carise Sindian square in the face. Or at least zap her real good with her stunner. </p><p> </p><p>That woman was a real piece of work. </p><p> </p><p>Rose’s heart ached for Rey as she listened to the First Senator ruthlessly lash her friend verbally, mocking the young woman and tearing her down. </p><p> </p><p>She hoped that Rey was fine after that ordeal. Rose knew that Rey would be okay even if she was hurting right now. She was strong and she knew what she had gotten herself into. She knew what lay at the end of her suffering once tonight was over and done.</p><p> </p><p>The warmth of pride radiated within her chest for the Jedi girl who’d welcomed Rose as a friend because she’d done it! </p><p> </p><p>Rey got Sindian to say what she needed and with a few taps, Rose pulled out the phrases and began editing them to work with the script they’d come up with last night. </p><p> </p><p>Rose chewed on her lips as she worked, rearranging sentences and adjusting the cadence of the words to match the First Senator’s tone when she spoke to her subordinates.</p><p> </p><p>After a few more moments of adjusting and going back to the recording to splice out a few more words to fill in the gaps and there—perfect! </p><p> </p><p>Rose now had a brief comm prepared. When sent, it would seem that Sindian herself was calling to make a request.</p><p> </p><p>Well…perhaps it wouldn’t be completely perfect. There were a few phrases that they had to modulate. But the important stuff was in her voice and it should be good enough to convince anyone who heard it.</p><p> </p><p>She pulled out her own comm and opened a communique to Kaydel.</p><p> </p><p>“This is Connix,” Kaydel answered seriously. <em> She is getting </em> way <em> too into this </em>, Rose thought with a sigh. For being the one who was most hesitant about getting involved, Kaydel seemed to really be enjoying the sneaking about part.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe Kaydel should get out of politics and into espionage?</p><p> </p><p>She rolled her eyes, dismissing the idea. Kaydel was a good politician. One of the only good ones that the New Republic had right now. </p><p> </p><p>“Kay, it’s Rose,” she replied quickly. “I’ve got the recording prepped and ready to send. Are you and General Calrissian in place?”</p><p> </p><p>She waited a few tense heartbeats while she awaited Kaydel to respond.</p><p> </p><p>“Affirmative, Lieutenant Tico. We are about eight minutes out from our destination. Will alert when we’ve arrived. Over and out.” The connection ended, but not before she heard the bone deep laughter escaping from Kaydel’s partner.</p><p> </p><p>At least General Calrissian was getting a kick out of this.</p><p> </p><p>Eight minutes out. That meant she needed to send the comm right away if there was going to be believable spacing between the message and the arrival of Kaydel and the general.</p><p> </p><p>Rose inhaled, silently telling her limbs to stop shaking. All she had to do was send it.</p><p> </p><p>Then she would wait for Kaydel’s signal and initiate her third and final phase. </p><p> </p><p>With a final breath she uploaded the message to an old used datapad they purchased to toss into an incinerator after and then linked it to an old commlink.</p><p> </p><p>It’s seconds before someone answers.</p><p> </p><p>A gruff, and more than a little annoyed voice answered. “This is Captain Deardon. Who is this?”</p><p> </p><p>Rose gulped and pressed play. </p><p> </p><p>“First Senator Carise Sindian,” the message replied. Rose had managed to find a recording of Sindian introducing herself earlier that day and was grateful that she had saved it.</p><p> </p><p>The man on the other side sputtered, clearly feeling a bit frantic to be addressed by the <em> First Senator </em>.</p><p> </p><p>“Madam Senator,” he cried, “Apologies ma’am. This is my personal line, you see and I didn’t expect to—”</p><p> </p><p>“The Supreme Leader—” the recording cut the captain off, “Let him go.”</p><p> </p><p>The captain sputtered again, “Ma’am? I apologize, but we can’t just let him go.”</p><p> </p><p>Rose sent the next phrase, which was a little iffy since part of it was generated, but hopefully it would work. “He has information about the First Order,” it said. “He’ll speak with me about that tomorrow before his execution.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry Madam Senator, I don’t think that we can allow that. The risk of him escaping is too great.”</p><p> </p><p>Rose sent the next phrase. This time it was entirely rendered. She winced as she heard it play but then relaxed. It sounded almost perfectly like the Senator. “I’ve sent my assistant and a guard. They will pick the prisoner up and then will return him when I am satisfied. I will be obeyed.” </p><p> </p><p>With that phrase, Rose cut off the connection, leaving no room for argument.</p><p> </p><p>Now it was up to Kaydel and Calrissian to distract the security guards long enough for her to initiate the final phase and allow Ben time to get out of his cell.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Kaydel Ko Connix was having the absolute time of her life. At the moment, she sat in a speeder with none other than General Lando Calrissian, a Rebellion hero. </p><p> </p><p>She could hardly believe that she was sitting with him. That she could ask him anything—about General Leia and Han Solo, about what it was like to be a leader of the Rebel Alliance and he would almost definitely regale her with some sort of brilliant tale.</p><p> </p><p>And she had. Over the past ninety minutes, she’d peppered him with all the questions she could and relished every answer he gave, committing them to memory. </p><p> </p><p>But now, they’d settled into a nervous silence. Rose had just given the signal to make their way over to the Courts of Justice and General Calrissian and immediately routed their course. They’d be there in just under seven minutes. </p><p> </p><p>Seven minutes and then a decent length walk to the holding cells. Hopefully that would be enough time for her to get into character.</p><p> </p><p>She tugged at the blunt ends of the dark brown bob she was wearing over her own blonde locks. </p><p> </p><p>After searching through the Senate database, they’d settled on a middling aid of the First Senator’s for Kaydel to impersonate. </p><p> </p><p>Myri Jissard.</p><p> </p><p>Sindian tended to keep her attendants and assistants on the younger scale of things. Something about an aesthetic to show the galaxy the vigor of youth or some other nonsense. </p><p> </p><p>So Kaydel matched that at least. Unfortunately, finding an aid that matched Kaydel was a bit trickier. </p><p> </p><p>But Myri matched best. Same general height and build. Unfortunately Myri was distinctly fairer in skin tone and distinctly <em> not </em> blonde.</p><p> </p><p>So Kaydel had spent the better part of the evening blending and blending an ivory foundation so pale it was almost white, across her neck, hands and face. And then she had to pin a wig on and that had almost been a catastrophe until Rose and, surprisingly, Lando had come and helped her out.</p><p> </p><p>She felt positively ghostly. </p><p> </p><p>How did one end up so pale?</p><p> </p><p>Could she have ever been so pale? After all this time spent on D’Qar and Ajan Kloss, maybe she’d forgotten what her true hue was.</p><p> </p><p>But she was pretty sure it wasn’t this light.</p><p> </p><p>“We’re almost there, little lady,” Lando chimed in, pulling Kaydel’s attention away from her complaints.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh good. Now I get to play mean.” Humor to take away the nerves.</p><p> </p><p>Lando laughed. “Now, I haven’t known you long, but I doubt you have a mean bone in your body, Kaydel Ko.”</p><p> </p><p>She smiled, feeling the nervous flutter subside. “You’d be surprised.”</p><p> </p><p>Lando peeked at her through the helmet he wore. “Leia rub off on you?”</p><p>Her smile widened and she shrugged.</p><p> </p><p>“That woman was terrifying. Maker, she had me scared shitless most days when we worked together. But she was an amazing person, anyway.”</p><p> </p><p>Kaydel’s smile turned sad. “She was incredible.”</p><p> </p><p>They drifted into silence once more and Kaydel spotted the massive Courts of Justice in the distance. </p><p> </p><p>Her job was simple really.</p><p> </p><p>Go to the security office and demand for Ben Solo to be released into her custody so that she could “<em> take him to speak with the First Senator.” </em> </p><p> </p><p>They would, of course, refuse to oblige.</p><p> </p><p>And after a few moments of stamping her feet and yelling, she’d get a signal from Rose, who would let her know that Ben had gotten out of his cell and down a garbage chute.</p><p> </p><p>Then she was supposed to storm off threatening to tell the First Senator about their refusal to comply with her demands. From there they would fly off, ditch their disguises and go their separate ways. Kaydel to her apartment and Lando to some unknown location. She hadn’t been able to figure out what he did next. </p><p> </p><p>And when this was over, Rey would disappear with Leia’s son. </p><p> </p><p>Kaydel felt a twinge in her heart. She wasn’t looking forward to losing Rey to this. But what could she do?</p><p> </p><p>She knew that there was no chance that Rey would allow Ben to leave Coruscant without her.</p><p> </p><p>She just hoped that one day, she’d see them again.</p><p> </p><p>It probably wasn’t likely, what with Ben soon to be a fugitive. She hoped anyway. </p><p> </p><p>But above all, she just wanted Rey to be happy. The poor girl had been through so much. She’d had so much put on her over the past year. And in the past two months? Well, Kaydel couldn’t imagine surviving what Rey overcame.</p><p> </p><p>Lando touched the speeder down with a slight jostle and powered the machine down. </p><p> </p><p>It was time.</p><p> </p><p>With one last glance toward the old general, Kaydel stood and exited the aircraft, smoothing the fabric of her ensemble to make it look crisp and fresh.</p><p> </p><p>Lando lowered the faceplate and marched behind her, staying back a respectable distance. She wished that he could walk next to her instead. </p><p> </p><p>Kaydel tried to find her character. Stiff shoulders. Quick, sure-footed stride that meant business. Head held high with nose slightly upturned. </p><p> </p><p>She held herself up and waved off the receptionists at the front dismissively.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m expected in Holding,” she snapped at a startled Rodian. “By order of the First Senator.”</p><p> </p><p>The other, a wizened Mirialan tried to protest, but Kaydel stormed past and the woman sat down, taken aback.</p><p> </p><p>From there, it was all about maintaining the pace she’d set.</p><p> </p><p>She felt slightly bad for moving so quickly on Lando’s behalf. He’d left his cane behind in the air speeder. But he promised her it wouldn’t be a bother—that he used the cane more for looks than anything.</p><p> </p><p>Based on the wheezing behind her, Kaydel wasn’t so sure.</p><p> </p><p>So she slowed slightly enough for it to not be noticeable, but hopefully enough that Lando caught a break.</p><p> </p><p>They took a turbolift down several floors and Kaydel had to stop her hands from fidgeting with the ridiculously starched shirt that Myri seemed especially partial to. </p><p> </p><p>“Rose said at bare minimum, we need to give her five minutes,” Lando murmured quietly. “But if we can, we should aim for closer to ten. Things tend to go poorly for Solo men before things go right.”</p><p> </p><p>Kaydel’s eyes flicked to the control panel indicating how many floors were left. “I’ll do my best.”</p><p> </p><p>The turbolift door opened to the Court’s of Justice holding area.</p><p> </p><p>Just as she and Lando stepped off, the lights flickered and Kaydel felt a light tapping inside her left wrist. Rose was sending the first signal. </p><p> </p><p>She’d shut down the surveillance system and hopefully had knocked out the Force suppressant in Ben’s cell block. </p><p> </p><p>Right. Aim for five minutes. More if it can be managed.</p><p> </p><p>A reception desk, much like the one at the entrance but far more utilitarian, sat in the center of the room. Off to the left are what Kaydel can only assume to be the holding cells. The blastdoor that blocked them from this room looked extremely heavy and were secured with several control panels. To the right, were a few offices.</p><p> </p><p>Kaydel marched in, imperiously meeting the gaze of a tired looking guard. </p><p> </p><p>“You there.” </p><p> </p><p>The guard jumped slightly and raised his gaze to meet hers.</p><p> </p><p>“I need to speak with Captain Deardon.”</p><p> </p><p>The guard, now more alert, watched her suspiciously. “And why would you be here at this hour to speak with the captain?”</p><p> </p><p>Kaydel transformed her expression to one of cold disbelief.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you incompetent?” </p><p> </p><p>The guard narrowed his eyes at her, “Excuse me?”</p><p> </p><p>Kaydel leveled a cool stare at the man. “I asked, <em> are you incompetent </em>?”</p><p> </p><p>“Ma’am I don’t—“</p><p> </p><p>“If you weren’t a complete idiot, you would know that the First Senator sent a communique to your Captain Deardon less than ten minutes ago informing him that I would be coming to collect prisoner Kylo Ren so that he could be questioned by the First Senator herself regarding sensitive information on the First Order.”</p><p> </p><p>“The Captain has not informed us here in the front. Ma’am I’m going to need to see some identification.”</p><p> </p><p>Kaydel scoffed, “I haven’t even told you who I am.” She added in an undertone, “Not that I should have to.”</p><p> </p><p>The guard lifted an annoyed brow, barely visible underneath his blast helmet. “And who are you?”</p><p> </p><p>She sniffed, “Myri Jissard. Aid to First Senator Carise Sindian, a woman who <em> does not </em> like being kept waiting.”</p><p> </p><p>Kaydel tapped her foot impatiently. “So go on then. Go get your captain so that I can take the prisoner with me to see the First Senator.”</p><p> </p><p>The guard blinked at her. Then he threw his head back and started laughing.</p><p> </p><p>Internally, Kaydel was panicking. The guard wasn’t buying it. Did that mean that the security captain Rose had sent the comm to hadn’t bought it either?</p><p> </p><p>She forced herself to remain calm. Didn’t allow herself to twitch or anything.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry,” the security guard apologized while still laughing. “I’m sorry, but if the First Senator actually believes that the captain will release <em> Kylo Ren </em> to a little girl and one guard, then she has another thing coming.”</p><p> </p><p>Immediately, Kaydel felt the tension leave her. Good. So he didn’t suspect her disguise. He was just laughing about how ridiculous the demands were.</p><p> </p><p>Which, well, it was ridiculous. But that was the point.</p><p> </p><p>So she cut off his laughter and leaned harder into the role. “I don’t see what’s so funny.”</p><p> </p><p>Which made the security guard laugh even harder.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry,” he gasped, clutching his sides, “I’m sorry it’s just so—“</p><p> </p><p>“Kerr!” a stern voice barked.</p><p> </p><p>The security guard, Kerr immediately sobered and snapped to attention. “Captain Deardon, sir!”</p><p> </p><p>A smartly dressed man with a prominent moustache and shining bald head stalked toward them. His gray eyes slid over Kaydel and Lando before directing his hard stare back on the offending guard.</p><p> </p><p>“What is going on out here?”</p><p> </p><p>Kerr gestured toward Kaydel, who lifted her chin as Captain Deardon’s cool eyes fell on her once more. “She’s claiming to be an aid of the First Senator and says that the First Senator sent her here to collect Ren. She wanted to talk with you.”</p><p> </p><p>“The First Senator sent a message informing you that I would be arriving,” Kaydel said to Captain Deardon.</p><p> </p><p>Captain Deardon’s lips thinned, though she could barely see it under the thick moustache.</p><p> </p><p>“Ah. I was wondering when you would show up.”</p><p> </p><p>Kaydel rose a brow, “Then you know that I am in a hurry. My mistress does not like to be kept waiting.”</p><p> </p><p>The captain snorted. “You’re not taking the most dangerous, maximum security prisoner we have so that the First Senator can fulfill some vengeance fueled fantasy the night before his execution.”</p><p> </p><p>“The First Senator has requested—“</p><p> </p><p>Deardon cut her off. “I don’t care what she requests. She ain’t getting her way this time.”</p><p> </p><p>“Captain, I don’t think you understand, when the First Senator asks for something, you are expected to comply.”</p><p> </p><p>Captain Deardon sent her a mocking smile. “Well this just isn’t something we can comply with, Miss—?”</p><p> </p><p>“Jissard. Myri Jissard.”</p><p> </p><p>“Miss Jissard,” Deardon echoed. “I’m sorry Miss Jissard, but you’re going to have to tell your First Senator that we will not, under any circumstance, be allowing her <em> request </em> to go through. If she takes issue with my decision, she can come personally to discuss it with me and I will happily explain the idiocy of her demand.”</p><p> </p><p>Despite herself, Kaydel flushed with anger. The way this captain spoke to her was downright demeaning. </p><p> </p><p>She was about to give the piece of bantha shit a piece of her mind when the device on her wrist tapped again. </p><p> </p><p>Ben was out.</p><p> </p><p>Time to go.</p><p> </p><p>“Right then,” she chimed too sweetly. “Well I’ll report your…insolent refusal to comply with your elected leader’s request and hopefully you’ll be allowed to remain in your position.”</p><p> </p><p>She sent a saccharine smile his way and then turned on her heel and stalked out with Lando close on her heels. </p><p> </p><p>When the turbolift door shut, she examined her fingers. They were shaking. She stilled them and then sent the signal to Rose that they’d finished. Then she went ahead and alerted Finn and Chewie that they were leaving the Courts of Justice. Hopefully Ben would be with them soon.</p><p> </p><p>“You did great.” Lando’s muffled voice sounded from under the helmet.</p><p> </p><p>She looked at him, “Yeah? You think?”</p><p> </p><p>Lando chuckled. “Oh yeah. You nailed the feel of an overstuffed, overly self-important bureaucrat perfectly. There was no way they didn’t buy that.”</p><p> </p><p>Kaydel sighed in relief. “Good. Perfect. Rose sent both signals. Let’s get out of here before the cameras are online again.”</p><p> </p><p>They hurried back to the airspeeder and took off into the nearest skylane. </p><p> </p><p>While up there, Kaydel took the liberty of dumping Lando’s mask and the atrocious wig she had to wear while disguised as Myri out over the door of the speeder. She watched them fall with satisfaction, nearly laughing when a few speeders had to dodge out of the stupid thing’s way.</p><p> </p><p>She sat back, enjoying the feel of the wind on her face.</p><p> </p><p>Ben was out of his cell. The hardest part was done. </p><p> </p><p>He still had to get off the planet undetected, but he was Leia Organa’s son. And if he was anything like his mother, he’d be able to come up with something.</p><p> </p><p><em> He’s free, General </em> , Kaydel thought to the woman who’d helped shape her into something special. <em> I hope you’d be proud of us. </em></p><p> </p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Ben felt it the moment the Force-suppression in his cell went down.</p><p> </p><p>One moment, he was sitting on his cot, trying, key word <em> trying </em> to remain calm and meditate, and then the next moment, it felt as though lights he didn’t know had been switched off were suddenly blazing brightly again.</p><p> </p><p>After being cut off from the Force for five days, it was almost overwhelming to have it reconnect with him so suddenly.</p><p> </p><p>But he felt alive again with the Force buzzing inside, and for that, he couldn’t have been more grateful.</p><p> </p><p>He sent a silent note of thanks to Rey’s friend for managing this.</p><p> </p><p>If they succeeded in this plan, he was going to be with Rey. His heartbeat sped up, as it always did when he thought of her and couldn’t help but smiling a little. </p><p> </p><p>After making one of the stupidest decisions of his life, and he had made countless horrible decisions, he was finally going to be reunited with his bondmate. </p><p> </p><p>He tried not to think about what Finn had said the night before because it hurt him too much to consider the possibility of leaving Rey behind and instead focused on remembering how it felt to have her in his arms.</p><p> </p><p>With that thought in mind, he got to work.</p><p> </p><p>Ben reached out and detected three beings standing out in the hallway that led to his cell.</p><p> </p><p>Thankfully, the Chagrian was not one of them.</p><p> </p><p>He was positive that he wouldn’t be able to influence that man through the Force.  Ben tried to get a sense of who else might be out there. After a moment of concentration, he determined that Meathands was there. His presence in the Force an oily stain. </p><p> </p><p>How unfortunate.</p><p> </p><p>Or was it fortunate? Ben found that he was very much looking forward to getting his payback from all the beating he’d received in that repugnant man’s hands.</p><p> </p><p>Ben held his hand out toward the cell door and felt it unlock. With new excitement filling him, he pushed the door open but then hesitated. </p><p> </p><p>There wasn’t much time to do what he needed to do so the reasoning behind the hesitation needed to be resolved. And quickly, for that matter. </p><p> </p><p>He needed a plan. He had a few ideas from earlier, but what would be better? Luring the three guards into the narrow hallway and taking them out or should he use Persuasion on them and sneak away like a thief in the night?</p><p> </p><p>He really wanted to beat up on his abusers, get some small taste of revenge, but he knew that he didn’t have enough time to do that. </p><p> </p><p>Ben scowled. He really wished he had enough time to rail on them for a few moments. But that was probably the stupidest thing he could do. So with deft steps, he left his miserable cell behind, not giving it a second glance as he walked and approached the door that led to the other cell blocks.</p><p> </p><p>Ben paused, inhaling and centering himself for a brief moment before he waved his hand in front of the blastdoor and willed it open.</p><p> </p><p>For a moment longer than he anticipated, the three guards stared at him, dumbfounded.</p><p> </p><p>“Uh, hi,” he waved with a slight smile. Their dumbfounded looks more than made up for the fact that he didn’t get to beat them up.</p><p> </p><p>Immediately, two of the guards raised their blasters while a third tried to run off to alert the others. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh no you don’t,” Ben growled and forced one of the guards into stasis about ten steps away. </p><p> </p><p>He raised his other hand and forced the others into stasis as well.</p><p> </p><p>Ben closed his eyes and focused on the two guards closest to him. “You will resume your posts and forget that I left my cell.”</p><p> </p><p>Only one of the guards mindlessly repeated his command back. The other’s eyes just bulged as his scowl darkened.</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s nose twitched in dissatisfaction. Of all his guards, he had not expected Meathands to be able to resist Persuasion. </p><p> </p><p>So he tried again. “You will resume your post and forget that I left my cell.”</p><p> </p><p>This time, Meathands laughed and spat. “I ain’t gonna do that. But I do think that I’m about to teach you another lesson you’ll never forget.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben cocked a brow at the man’s cockiness. Did he really think he could take on a trained Force-sensitive? In particular, the man formerly known as Dark side warrior, Kylo Ren?</p><p> </p><p>He almost snorted but held it in.</p><p> </p><p>“I really doubt that.” </p><p> </p><p>Ben released the massive guard and allowed the man to charge at him, blaster apparently forgotten. He almost shook his head in disappointment. How was this dullard capable of resisting a mind trick but was incompetent enough that he didn’t think to use the only weapon he had on Ben?</p><p> </p><p>Ben sidestepped and the stupid man nearly lost balance. He had to fight a smirk.</p><p> </p><p>Meathands bellowed and lunged for Ben, who spun neatly out of the way. “I don’t have time for this,” he called out to the idiot guard, who had suddenly remembered that he had a blaster.</p><p> </p><p>The thickset guard took aim at him and fired several rapidfire bolts at his chest. Ben cursed and halted the bolts midcourse.</p><p> </p><p>Meathands face went white and he prepared to pull the trigger again with trembling fingers. Before he could, Ben used his free hand to throw Meathands into the left side of the hallway and then sent the bolts into the ceiling.</p><p> </p><p>They impacted the durasteel with a resounding shriek and Ben cursed again. Now he really had to hurry. Others would undoubtedly be coming to see what all the noise was about.</p><p> </p><p>Meathands stirred, unconscious. </p><p> </p><p>Ben turned his attention to the prison guard he’d frozen mid-sprint and called out with Persuasion to come to him.</p><p> </p><p>The guard, now blank-faced, walked over and stood calmly at Ben’s side. “Get this man out of sight and then resume your post with the other guard.”</p><p> </p><p>The guard blankly repeated Ben’s command and moved to drag Meathands away, but Ben paused him, issuing one last directive. “Forget that you saw me leave my cell. If anyone asks about this guard, tell them that he’s ill.”</p><p> </p><p>With that, Ben ducked away down a few cell blocks to the designated garbage chute.</p><p> </p><p>He had to have used up his five minutes by now thanks to that stupid distraction he fell for. But it felt so good to mess with Meathands. Insanely good after having suffered countless beating and bruises under his watch.</p><p> </p><p>His eyes caught on the chute and gave him pause. </p><p> </p><p>It was smaller than he anticipated. Would he fit through it?</p><p> </p><p>Ben glanced down at his shoulders and then back up at the small slot he was supposed to dive into skeptically. </p><p> </p><p>It was going to be a close fit, that much was certain. </p><p> </p><p>He slammed a fist on the flashing red button and the chute hissed open. A rank, tepid smell floated out before him and he had to fight a gag. </p><p> </p><p>Great. Now he was going to smell like hot garbage...</p><p> </p><p>Ben was not particularly looking forward to trudging through sewers tonight. </p><p> </p><p>But he had to. So he took a few precious seconds to steel himself before he hopped into the lip of the chute and slid in, feet first. </p><p> </p><p>The chute door closed with a clank behind him.</p><p> </p><p>And…he was stuck.</p><p> </p><p>It appeared that the chute was a millimeter or two narrower than his shoulders.</p><p> </p><p>Ben grit his teeth and tried to shimmy silently down.</p><p> </p><p>He was making good progress until his foot scooted down on something slimy and slid out from underneath him. </p><p> </p><p>Kriff. Kriff, kriff, kriff.</p><p> </p><p>He was <em> not </em>going to get this far only to end up stuck in a garbage chute. </p><p> </p><p>With great effort, Ben shrugged his shoulders forward even further and with horror, realized that the chute had narrowed further in on him.</p><p> </p><p>He was truly stuck now. His arms were wedged against his sides and he had no leverage to force himself down now that his feet had cleared the chute.</p><p> </p><p>He lifted his head up and forward to peer down and then let it thud against the durasteel behind.</p><p> </p><p>Then his ears pricked and feeling out through the Force, he could sense two beings below.</p><p> </p><p>“Jeeze, Ren. What did that prison feed you? Are you somehow larger than a cooler now?” a questioning voice floated up, full of smug laughter</p><p> </p><p>Never in Ben’s thirty years had he ever been so thrilled to hear the traitor’s voice.</p><p> </p><p>The growl of Shyriiwook vibrated through the chute next. “I<em> don’t know where he gets that size from,” </em>Chewbacca responded.</p><p> </p><p>“Uncle Chewie,” Ben breathed, feeling a mix of relief and apprehension at facing the Wookiee at last. </p><p> </p><p>“<em>Hold on, Whelp,” </em>Chewie growled up at him. Ben felt two paws wrap around his ankles and tug sharply. That slid him down a few more centimeters. But on Chewie’s next tug, Ben’s shoulders caught and he remained stubbornly in place.</p><p> </p><p><em> “Help me get him out, you useless piece of cannon fodder!” </em>Chewie’s insult directed at Finn almost had Ben guffawing. If he wasn’t, you know, stuck in a slimy garbage chute...</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not useless!” Finn protested indignantly. He grabbed Ben’s other ankle and the two of them started tugging on both legs.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s my shoulders,” Ben explained, “the chute is too narrow.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well do something!” Finn grunted while pulling on Ben’s shin. “Try to maneuver your arms above your head or something, cause you aren’t gonna budge otherwise. And we’re on a kinda tight schedule.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben scowled and struggled to get his arms above his head. After a tense moment of minute maneuvering and wriggling, he succeeded in his task. It made an immediate difference. </p><p> </p><p>Chewie and Finn gave one last pull and Ben finally slid out of the chute a free man.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh thank the Maker” he sighed in relief and bent over to catch his breath.</p><p> </p><p>When he stood up to his full height again, the mood had changed from amusement and was now distinctly somber.</p><p> </p><p>Finn’s expression was impassive while Chewie looked downright thunderous. He toyed with the trigger of his favorite bowcaster as he glared down at Ben.</p><p> </p><p>Ben ducked his head down, shame washing over him for not only what he had done to his father, but for what had happened when Chewie was captive on the <em> Steadfast </em>.</p><p> </p><p>He gathered his courage and looked up to meet his uncle’s bright blue eyes. “Uncle Chewie,” he started, tears stinging his eyes, “I am so sorry. For hurting you on the <em> Steadfast, </em> for—for my father…” His voice failed, unable to say anything more.</p><p> </p><p>Chewie’s eyes hardened and he raised the bowcaster, aiming it directly for Ben’s heart. </p><p> </p><p><em> “I should shoot you right now for what you did.” </em> His growling voice cracked, tears brightening the blue. His paws visibly shook with the desire to pull the trigger.</p><p> </p><p>Ben swallowed heavily and nodded, looking down to the dirty sewer floor in acceptance. He did deserve it. And if Chewie decided now that he wanted to claim Ben’s life, he knew that he would allow  it. It was the least Ben could do for his uncle after everything.</p><p> </p><p>From his periphery, Ben watched as his uncle lowered the bowcaster and released a pained moan. He looked up and saw Chewie fold in on himself. “<em>As much as I want to, I couldn’t claim the life of Han and Leia’s only child. Not after everything they did to bring you back to the Light.” </em></p><p> </p><p>Ben met Chewie’s reddened eyes. “I wish I could take it back, Chewie. I’ll live with that regret for the rest of my life.”</p><p> </p><p>Chewbacca nodded once. <em> “Good,” </em> was all he had to say in reply. He stalked forward, deeper into the sewer and beckoned Finn to follow.</p><p> </p><p>Finn glanced back at Ben, who stood frozen where he’d landed. </p><p> </p><p>“Hurry up,” he said coolly, “We need to get out of here before the alarms go off and we get stuck in this sector. Or before the less pleasant residents of these parts find us.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben hurried after the former Stormtrooper.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> Nearly an hour had passed since Ben escaped his cell and made his way into the sewers and Ben was really starting to regret going along with this plan.</p><p> </p><p>They’d descended several levels and crossed at least fifteen city blocks, but Ben couldn’t be sure anymore. For someone who had a rather good sense of direction, he’d gotten turned around faster than he cared to admit.</p><p> </p><p>Not too long after they’d left the city block that contained the Courts of Justice, Chewie made them take a quick dunk in the disgusting sewer runoff.</p><p> </p><p>He understood why they were doing it, but he couldn’t help but heave a little every time he looked down to see his sludge covered pants and got a whiff of the stench.</p><p> </p><p>They were trying to take into account any tracking methods the New Republic might employ, and that included various animals with innate tracking abilities. But there were also terrifying creatures that lived down in the sewers to consider, like hive rats and corridor ghouls, so they made sure to make quick work of their sludgy dip.</p><p> </p><p>He eyed the waterproof bag on Finn’s back, hoping that there was a change of clothes for him in there.</p><p> </p><p>There had to be. It wasn’t like he could leave the sewers dressed like a prisoner. That might get him caught a little sooner than he was hoping. Which was never.</p><p> </p><p>Finally, Chewie led them away from the stream of sewage and onto a grated walkway that branched off the sewage stream. They walked for a time longer before they reached a door. Some sort of utility closet, perhaps?</p><p> </p><p>“Where’s Poe?” Finn called ahead to Chewie. “This is where we’re supposed to meet him, right?”</p><p> </p><p>Chewie roared back that it was pretty obvious Poe wasn’t here yet, which made Finn huff in exasperation.</p><p> </p><p>Finn started mumbling to himself and Ben was certain he heard “stupid nerf herder” somewhere in the jumble as he pulled a datapad out of the bag and typed furiously into it.</p><p> </p><p>It pinged a moment later and Finn was speaking again. “He says BB-8 is telling us to go through door X-3245. It’s a rest stop for sewage workers. There should be a sonic inside.” He looked up and glanced down the walkway before turning back to the message. “He’s going to be waiting up a few levels—level J, exit point 246Y. From there we’ll make our way up to the lower levels of the Uscru District to wait for Rey.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben swallowed. He hadn’t realized that they were going to be heading out into the public so soon. </p><p> </p><p>His face had been plastered over every Holonet feed for days. He highly doubted that he could go up there and stay unrecognized. Finn must have noticed Ben’s discomfort and interpreted it accordingly.</p><p> </p><p>“You gotta go up at some point, Ren,” he said shortly. “It would take days for us to get you to your extraction point otherwise and if we want to remain out of suspicion, we can’t do that.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not saying you should,” Ben argued back. “But someone up there is going to recognize me and then we’re all in trouble.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>We’ve got something to hide your face, Whelp,” </em> Chewie yowled impatiently. <em> “Now hurry up and let’s get in that room. I don’t want to smell you two anymore.” </em></p><p> </p><p>Ben followed Chewie with Finn close behind and the three of them entered the small room. Finn immediately claimed the sonic shower and Chewie sat on the bed, leaving Ben to stand awkwardly in the center of the small place.</p><p> </p><p>His Wookiee uncle pointedly ignored him, choosing to fidget with his bowcaster instead.</p><p> </p><p>Watching Chewbacca ignore him again reopened the floodgates of shame and remorse and caused Ben to sink down to the floor against the far wall. </p><p> </p><p>He held his head in both hands, allowing his prison-greasy hair to fall across his eyes and obscure his vision. What could he say? He already told Chewie that he was sorry and he’d told him that he wished he’d never done it in the first place. </p><p> </p><p>Did the old Wookiee just need time to process and work through the hurt that Ben had caused? Had Ben not said the right things to assure Chewie that he was absolutely sorry for everything he’d done? Or was the Wookiee rightfully unwilling to forgive his wayward nephew?</p><p> </p><p>Ben decided to apologize one more time. After all, he’d probably never see him again after tonight and Chewie needed to know…</p><p> </p><p>“Uncle Chewie?” Ben called out reluctantly as he looked up and met startlingly blue eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Chewie had been watching him. Possibly wondering what to say as well?</p><p> </p><p>Chewie started back at Ben, eyes expectant and mouth tense, but he didn’t do anything to discourage Ben from speaking, so he continued. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m not going to ask you to forgive me, Uncle Chewie,” he said, feeling choked up, “because I know I could never do anything to deserve it. Not after what I’ve done.” He swallowed tightly. “But I want you to know, truly, that I am sorry. I’m sorry I took your best friend’s life. I’m sorry that I’ve hurt you in more ways than should even be possible.”</p><p> </p><p>Chewie sat impassively, saying nothing, so Ben continued. “And I know that saying sorry doesn’t mean much. But I want you to know, on the chance that it might help you to feel better at all, that I will live with the pain and the regret of that act for the rest of my life. I see it every time I close my eyes. It hurts. It’s killing me. I just—I wish I could take it back. I wish that he was still here—I wish that I hadn’t—“ he cut off, choking down a sob. </p><p> </p><p>The pain of remembering Starkiller resurfaced and he saw his father’s worn face once more, illuminated in the crackling red of his lightsaber, eyes wide with surprise and betrayal even as his hand caressed Ben’s icy cheek with such deep, paternal love. The memory ripped whatever was left of his heart to shreds and he felt like he was going to retch. He closed his eyes, trying to fight the guilt away. </p><p> </p><p>He knew that his father forgave him. He knew that Han Solo would have done it again if it meant that Ben would return to the Light. But now, more than ever he wished that he could take it all back. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m so sorry…so sorry.” He repeated it like a mantra, holding his head and rocking back and forth, seeing his ruthless act of patricide over and over again.</p><p> </p><p>Until he felt a warm presence tower over him. Ben looked up, unable to believe that Chewie had come to him. The giant Wookiee kneeled next to Ben and placed a hairy paw on Ben’s sewage stained knee.  </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “I want to forgive you, Whelp. Truly, I do.”  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Ben nodded miserably. Chewie’s forgiveness was not something he expected to get, nor did he believe that he’d ever deserve it anyway. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “I’m not ready to do that just yet.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Ben opened his mouth to say he understood but Chewie held up a paw to stop him.</p><p> </p><p><em> “I will get there, Little Solo,” </em> he said gently. <em> “And though I haven’t forgiven you, it doesn’t change the fact that I still love you like my own.” </em></p><p> </p><p>At that, Ben broke down, sobs wracking his shoulders in massive quakes.</p><p> </p><p>Chewie didn’t say anymore. He pat Ben’s leg a few more times and squeezed his shoulder before moving away to take Finn’s place in the sonic shower.</p><p> </p><p>The ex-Stormtrooper regarded Ben darkly.</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t deserve his forgiveness, you know.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben agreed, but it still made him want to curl in on himself.</p><p> </p><p>“I know.”</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t deserve Rey’s forgiveness either.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben prickled at that. He also agreed with that sentiment, but it didn’t change the fact that Rey had given it anyway. And it was something he would always be grateful for. </p><p> </p><p>Ben felt the sorrow bleed away into anger. He knew Finn hated him. He even believed that he’d earned that hatred. </p><p> </p><p>But now, he just felt that it was growing to be tiresome.</p><p> </p><p>Finn egged him on, “What, do you actually think that you’ve earned her forgiveness? You kidnapped her. <em> Tortured her. </em> You tried to kill her. I don’t know what she sees in you. It makes me sick to think that she’s been twisted into loving a monster like you. She shoudn’t—“</p><p> </p><p>“Enough!” Ben burst, the anger slipping from his control. “You have a problem with me. I get it. And I deserve it. But don’t you dare say that Rey’s been twisted into feeling anything for me. Rey’s heart is her own. I’ll never understand why either, but she chose me. She loves <em> me. </em>”</p><p> </p><p>Finn stepped closer, anger marring his face. “And what happens if you go back to your old ways, Ren? What’s going to happen to Rey if you decide being good doesn’t suit you anymore?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben took a step closer to the man, drawn to his full height and glaring down at him with as much ire as he could muster.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s not going to happen.” He poked Finn in the chest, relishing in the scowl his action caused. </p><p> </p><p>“If you only believe one thing I say, then let it be this.” He took a measured step back, giving Finn space. “I will never betray Rey. I will <em> never </em> hurt her.  She brought me back from the Dark side and I will not fall again. I will always have darkness within, but with Rey, it will always be tempered with her light.”</p><p> </p><p>Finn stared back, saying nothing and Ben thought that maybe he’d really pissed the man off this time. </p><p> </p><p>But instead of throwing a punch like Ben half anticipated, Finn took a step back of his own and then nodded slowly in acceptance.</p><p> </p><p>Then he sighed heavily and Ben watched as some of the anger deflated. “As much as I hate to admit it, I believe you. I can sense that you’re telling me the truth.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s eyes narrowed, disbelieving. “Wait, you can sense it? You’re Force-sensitive?”</p><p> </p><p>He felt out and sure enough, though weaker than his own raw power or Rey’s, the ex-Stormtrooper emanated his own signature.</p><p> </p><p>Finn nodded again. “Rey’s helped me out with a few things, but she hasn’t been able to really start teaching me yet.”</p><p> </p><p>“I see,” was all Ben could think to reply. How had he missed that a soldier in his own company was Force-sensitive?</p><p> </p><p>“Look,” Finn said, some of the hardness creeping back, “I don’t like this thing between you and Rey. And it’s almost impossible for me to look past everything you did when you were with the First Order…”</p><p> </p><p>Finn ran an agitated hand through his hair, loosening some of the coils. “But I think that I’m finally starting to believe that you’ve actually changed. Rey loves you. And I love her. So, for Rey’s sake, I want us to at the very least tolerate each other. Or…I dunno, at least not be outwardly hostile toward each other?”</p><p> </p><p>He held out his hand and Ben eyed it hesitantly.</p><p> </p><p>It was all well and good to hear Finn say this to him, even relieving, but Ben distinctly remembered Finn telling him that he wanted Ben to leave without Rey.</p><p> </p><p>Coupled with the fact that Finn had openly admitted just now to loving Rey, Ben wasn’t so sure they could tolerate each other. </p><p> </p><p>Envy swirled inside his heart though he knew he had no reason for feeling jealous. Rey loved <em> him </em>, not the former Stormtrooper. No matter how close she’d been to Finn before, she’d chosen Ben.</p><p> </p><p>Would Finn’s wish for Rey to remain with her friends still apply now after their…heart to heart? Is that what you call it when you almost come to blows and then sorta, maybe call a truce?</p><p> </p><p>“What about you wanting me to leave Rey behind? Because I don’t think that’s something I can do. Especially if that’s not what Rey wants.”</p><p> </p><p>The muscle below Finn’s eye twitched as he tried to keep a scowl off his face.</p><p> </p><p>Not a good sign, Ben thought bitterly. Of course he would still want him to leave Rey behind. The truce probably only applied <em> if </em>he left Coruscant without Rey. </p><p> </p><p>After a beat too long, Finn finally answered the question. </p><p> </p><p>“I would prefer it. And I’ll fight for it. Because Rey really would be safer here with us. But…” he paused, releasing another reluctant sigh, “I can’t force her to do anything, as much as I would like to, if only to keep her safe. But I know she’s going to want to go with you.” he said that part bitterly, as though it pained him to admit that Rey was not his. “So, if that’s what she wants, if that’s what she <em> chooses </em>, then I’ll support it.”</p><p> </p><p>Then the glare returned along with a jabbing finger. “But I swear to the Maker, Solo, if you don’t keep her safe, I will hunt you down myself and will kill you.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben smirked, “I’ll personally hand you the weapon.”</p><p> </p><p>Finn blinked, as though surprised by Ben’s response. “Good. Yeah, okay.”</p><p> </p><p>They went silent. And then Ben realized something. “You just called me Solo.”</p><p> </p><p>Finn refused to meet his eyes and shrugged. “Yeah, well, if you’ve really changed, then I probably shouldn’t be rubbing your past into your face every time I address you.” Then he looked up with narrowed eyes. “I’m not calling you by your first name anytime soon though.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’d prefer that you didn’t, anyway. So I’m fine with that.”</p><p> </p><p>Chewie chose that moment to re-enter the room, which left the sonic available to Ben.</p><p> </p><p><em> “You two work your your issues?” </em> Chewie asked Finn as Ben moved past him.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, for the moment,” Finn replied as Ben shut the door and started to cleanse.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>About twenty minutes later, Ben and Finn stood behind Chewie as he sliced into the control panel to their left so that they could get out of the sewers and rendezvous with Poe just outside.</p><p> </p><p>They were level with one of the lower levels of the Uscru district, a seedy area of the Entertainment district of Coruscant. The sewer and its stench lay two flights of stairs below and Ben was beginning to feel like a free man.</p><p> </p><p>Of course, he still had to escape into the Coruscanti underground and then manage to get completely off the planet itself, but so far, so good.</p><p> </p><p>And he’d be seeing Rey soon.</p><p> </p><p>That thought sent a thrill of excitement through him.</p><p> </p><p>With a cheerful beep, the blastdoor that stood between them and a littered alleyway slid open, revealing none other than the half-lidded gaze of Poe Dameron.</p><p> </p><p>Chewie yowled, <em> “Stars above, did you soak yourself in alcohol before coming here? You reek.” </em></p><p> </p><p>Dameron smirked at the Wookiee, “Had to sell the act somehow.”</p><p> </p><p>Chewie shook his head and pushed past the Resistance turned New Republic general. He gestured to a small, nondescript freighter ahead, <em> “This the ship?” </em></p><p> </p><p>Poe nodded. “Yep. She’s scrubbed clean of everything too. Should be able to dump her if we have to. But Lando’s friend would prefer to see her returned. Something about it being more convenient than having to comb the depths of Hell to get it back.”</p><p> </p><p>He turned his attention to Finn and a real smile broke out, “Hey buddy! I see you made it through the dreaded sewers unscathed. Did ya see any hive rats while you were there?”</p><p> </p><p>Finn shook his head, passing Dameron while clapping him on the shoulder. “No, man. Not even so much as a granite slug.”</p><p> </p><p>Dameron looked disappointed. “Oh well…” Then he looked at Ben and almost busted out laughing.</p><p> </p><p>“Kriff, Solo, you look ridiculous.” </p><p> </p><p>Ben scowled even though Dameron couldn’t see it. Apparently his <em> disguise </em> was Lando’s old Hutt mask. One he’d heard about dozens of times growing up.</p><p> </p><p>He stopped and regarded the young general. Dameron was a mess. His starched suit was limp and damp, his hair un-styled and falling into his eyes.<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“I could say the same about you too, Dameron,” Ben retorted. </p><p> </p><p>Dameron sent a thousand watt grin his way. “Like I said before, had to sell the act to get out of that damn Gala on time.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben rolled his eyes and marched up the boarding ramp of the borrowed freighter. </p><p> </p><p>He made his way to the cockpit with Dameron close on his heels and sat in one of the passenger seats near the back while the pilot turned general sat down in the captain’s chair.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright, now we’re just waiting for Rey’s all clear. She should have left the gala a while ago. From there, we’ll go down a portal to one of the lower levels.” He looked back at Ben with a twinkle in his eye. “And then we get to witness a very special reunion. It’s going to be beautiful.”</p><p> </p><p>Dameron pretended to wipe away a tear and smirked back at Ben.</p><p> </p><p>Ben pursed his lips in annoyance and forced himself not to roll his eyes. “Wasn’t expecting your approval.”</p><p> </p><p>Poe shrugged, nonchalant. “Well I can’t say that I love the idea of you two together. Because I really don’t. I <em> really </em>don’t love it. And honestly, I might not ever. But Rey’s had it tough for a long time. And I just want to see that girl happy”</p><p> </p><p>Chewie growled in agreement. <em> “Sunshine deserves happiness. Even if it’s with you, Whelp.” </em></p><p> </p><p>Finn sat with his lips pressed thin in disapproval, but at least he wasn’t being vocal about his displeasure for now.</p><p> </p><p>It appeared that Poe was about to say more when the ship’s comms started going off. With a deft flip of the switch, he answered the call.</p><p> </p><p>“This is Dameron.”</p><p> </p><p>“Poe, thank goodness you answered!” sounded the most beautiful voice Ben had ever heard. </p><p> </p><p>Rey.</p><p> </p><p>She must be on her way now.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey!” Poe called into the comm, relief evident in his voice. “Where are you? I thought that you were supposed to comm a while ago.”</p><p> </p><p>Static crackled the other side before Rey answered. “I know. I’m sorry,” she replied tersely. “There was an issue on the way out. Maevus showed up at the door not long after I did because she saw the news of the breakout and suspected I had something to do with it. Bloody well nearly forced herself into Kay’s apartment just to make sure we weren’t harboring Ben. She left to get a warrant and I came as soon as I could.”</p><p> </p><p>“Good. Okay Rey, hurry. We need to relocate—“</p><p> </p><p>Dameron was cut off, a slur of colorful curses erupting from Rey’s side of the comm.</p><p> </p><p>“Kriff. Kriffing hell. Not good, not good.”</p><p> </p><p>“Rey? What’s going on?” Poe seemed more than a little alarmed by the intensity of Rey’s swearing. </p><p> </p><p>Ben leaned forward to hear better, nerves bubbling within his stomach. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m being followed.” </p><p> </p><p>“I’ve got at least two tails, possibly more. I wasn’t sure of it until I dropped down a few skylanes. And I thought that I lost them a few minutes ago But I see them again.” Rey seemed panicked. And that wasn’t like her.</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s heart dropped. </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I can shake them.” </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>When the Gala finally ended at midnight, Rey felt so excited that she could sing.</p><p> </p><p>It was almost impossible to keep the grin from her face, but she somehow managed. Instead, her expression was thoroughly morose and perhaps a little angry. She found that it kept most people away from her. Except of course, Sindian’s most fanatical followers, who harassed Rey all evening.</p><p> </p><p>And with them, she was short. Terse until they got the point and stalked away.</p><p> </p><p>After her confrontation with Sindian at the bar, the one where Poe had sat a few people away secretly recording the conversation, she just needed to be alone. It had taken a toll on her. A toll she hadn’t quite anticipated simply because if all went well, the conversation with the vile First Senator wouldn’t matter. But it did. She felt like a wounded animal, licking its wounds.</p><p> </p><p>She hoped that it had worked. It must have or else Poe wouldn’t have left so soon after. </p><p> </p><p>And Rey was going to find out very soon. Her heart leapt, a combination of excitement and nervousness making the sensation feel especially strange. </p><p> </p><p>Rey began walking to the coat check to grab her small handbag and coat, though she hardly felt like she needed it right now. </p><p> </p><p>The attendant droid scanned her chip and went to the secure lockers, pulling out a draped coat and a small hand bag. He gave it to her without a word and went to assist another guest who was on their way out.</p><p> </p><p>Rey pulled out her new datapad, a smaller device that Kaydel and Rose insisted on her having before she left with Ben so that they could keep in contact with her. She ordered an aircab to take her back to Kaydel’s place so that she could change into something, well, less ridiculous and then finally, <em> finally, </em> be with Ben again. The bond seemed to hum with anticipation, almost like it knew that she and Ben weren’t going to be apart anymore. </p><p> </p><p>“Ms. Skywalker,” an annoyed voice called out from a few meters away.</p><p> </p><p>Rey turned to see Kantarra Maevus, as always, stalking toward her. “The First Senator would like to see you.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey scoffed and looked away. “The Gala is over. And I’m tired. So, I’m afraid that I’m going to have to decline her request.”</p><p> </p><p>“It isn’t a request,” Maevus stated coldly.</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s eyes flashed up to Maevus. “I’m leaving,” she hissed at the woman dressed in the sparkling gold gown. “I submitted myself to <em> four hours </em> of humiliation and verbal assault because of an obligation I was forced into. There was no indication that I would be required to do anything further once the Gala ended.”</p><p> </p><p>She began walking away from Sindian’s assistant toward the arriving aircab she’d called just moments ago. </p><p> </p><p>“Sindian doesn’t own me. And you can tell her that I’m done here.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey spared only one quick glance back at Kantarra Maevus once the aircab took off. Maevus only watched her for a moment before spinning off with a huff to find her precious First Senator.</p><p> </p><p>Rey couldn’t help but stick her tongue out in an immature gesture of good riddance. </p><p> </p><p>For the first time all evening, Rey finally felt herself relaxing into the cab seat. The droid who controlled the vehicle did not try to engage her in conversation and for that, Rey was glad. She sighed and pulled out her datapad in the hopes that she would be able to keep her mind off of the fact that she would be seeing Ben in hopefully less than an hour.</p><p> </p><p>She pulled up the Holonet and did a quick search on the newsfeed. There was…nothing.</p><p> </p><p>No report of a failed or successful breakout yet. So either the Courts of Justice were keeping the news quiet or, if they were lucky and the plan worked out perfectly, they might not know yet.</p><p> </p><p>Rey suspected it was the former, because nothing ever went perfectly to plan. </p><p> </p><p>Oh well, the news would break sooner or later. No one had told her if they’d been successful yet or not, and Rey understood why they hadn’t, especially since her datapad had been off of her person all evening and who knows if anyone would have swiped it for data collection. But she desperately wanted to know. She didn’t dare risk reaching out to Rose, though, so she had to keep her mind occupied.</p><p> </p><p>She might not have found any news regarding Ben’s breakout, but at least she could watch the alibi feed that Rose and Kaydel aired earlier in the evening.</p><p> </p><p>It was cute. </p><p> </p><p>The two girls had a bowl full of folded up flimsi, filled with questions about their Resistance days and took turns answering them. At certain points, they would address Finn and have him answer the questions for them. Most of the time he was off camera, but they made sure to have him pop into the shot so that viewers would be able to confirm that he was there in the room. </p><p> </p><p>It seemed that the small rebellion force had become celebrities to the people of the New Republic. She glanced down at the views the feed had received and it was astronomical. There were billions of comments written in aurebesh as well.</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt a weight fall from her chest. Well at least one part of the plan seemed to have succeeded. </p><p> </p><p>With a few taps, she paused her friend’s feed and went back to refresh the news feed.</p><p> </p><p>Her heartbeat screeched to a halt as she read the top headlines blinking with urgency.</p><p> </p><p>BREAKING: FORMER WARLORD KYLO REN ESCAPES COURTS OF JUSTICE</p><p> </p><p>Her eyes jumped down to scan the first few lines of the article.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Breaking News: (Story developing) It has been established by the Coruscanti Police Force that Ren escaped his cell at some point this evening. Authorities will not give any more details than the fact that there was a breakout and that Ren has been confirmed to have escaped into the sewers. It is unknown, though highly suspected that Ren had accomplices, though there are no current suspects. Ren is currently at large. He is Force-sensitive and considered highly dangerous… </em>
</p><p> </p><p>They did it! </p><p> </p><p>A giddy smile took up every inch of her face and she didn’t even try to fight it off. </p><p> </p><p>Her friends, her crazy, wonderful <em> amazing </em> friends had done it! </p><p> </p><p>She looked out over the city and smiled widely.</p><p> </p><p>Ben was out there somewhere. And she was going to find him soon. Once she did, she was never letting him out of her sight again. They were finally getting their shot at a future together. <em> Finally! </em> </p><p> </p><p>It may not be the one she imagined when they were reunited all those weeks ago. It was going to be dangerous and difficult. But it didn’t matter to her one bit as long as they were together. She and Ben, they would be able to manage just fine on their own. They could do anything together. </p><p> </p><p>The aircab began descending toward the massive skyscraper that contained Kaydel’s home and Rey had to keep herself from leaping out to get inside faster.</p><p> </p><p>She jostled her knee in agitation and then basically jumped out once it was close enough to the landing platform. She called out a quick thanks and then sped to the entrance. A short turbolift ride up a few hundred floors and a sprint down the hallway led her to the blastdoor entrance. </p><p> </p><p>Rey burst in, excitement palpable. </p><p> </p><p>Rose and Kaydel, who had inexplicably wet hair and pink skin, sat at the island bar, eyes watching the news feed intently.</p><p> </p><p>They both looked up, stricken at the sound of the door opening and then relaxed when they realized that it was just Rey.</p><p> </p><p>“He’s out then?” Rey breathed, barely daring to believe it until she heard it from someone else.</p><p> </p><p>Kaydel spoke first, eyes shining with excitement. “He’s out, Rey. He’s making his way to Poe right now. They should hopefully be meeting up in the next half hour or so.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey released a choked sob she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. “I can’t believe it,” she smiled through the tears. “You did it. He’s free.” </p><p> </p><p>And promptly burst into relieved tears.</p><p> </p><p>Kaydel and Rose rushed over to her, hugging her and telling her it was all going to be okay. And at last, she was allowing herself to believe that it was going to be okay.</p><p> </p><p>She was in the middle of composing herself when the entrance chimed. </p><p> </p><p>The three of them froze.</p><p> </p><p>“Everyone, just act normal,” Kaydel murmured with fearful eyes. She released her hold on Rey and Rose and slowly approached the blastdoor.</p><p> </p><p>Rey hastily wiped at her face and stood up to her full height. It must be the authorities. News of Ben’s escape had broken and now she was under investigation even though she’d clearly been at the First Senator’s Gala at the time of his breakout.</p><p> </p><p>Kaydel hissed, looking at the holo that displayed who stood outside. “It’s Sindian’s assistant. I <em> hate </em> that woman.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey sped over to Kaydel, aghast. “Maevus? What the hell is she doing here?”</p><p> </p><p>Damnit. She was going to have to deal with Maevus’s unwelcome presence before she could leave the apartment. So Rey nodded to Kaydel, who then granted access and revealed a woman out for blood.</p><p> </p><p>Kantarra Maevus stormed in. “You think you’re so clever with your pathetic show at the Gala,” she spat at Rey. “But I think we both know better.”</p><p> </p><p>She looked around the room and then began tearing into the private rooms like a madwoman. “Where is he hiding, Skywalker? Where are you hiding your little monster?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey inhaled sharply. “He’s not here. I wasn’t aware of Ben breaking out until I was in my cab, nearly back from the Gala.”</p><p> </p><p>Maevus turned back on Rey, finger pointing fiercely. “Like I would ever believe that you wouldn’t do everything in your power to get your creature out of prison. You’re behind the breakout. And Carise knows it. She’ll be sending investigators here shortly.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey took a step forward, challenging Kantarra Maevus. The woman was made of strong stuff. She didn’t back down. Instead, she raised her chin in defiance. “Ren will be caught and so will you. Then we can have a double execution instead of one.”</p><p> </p><p>“I was not involved with his breakout, Maevus,” Rey growled softly. “But I wish that I had been. Whoever did this did not inform me. They clearly didn’t want me involved. Which leads me to believe that perhaps an unsavory group such as the First Order was behind it? Perhaps you should have your First Senator look into <em> that </em>.”</p><p> </p><p>Maevus’s golden eyes narrowed. She looked through the private rooms slowly now, as if she knew she wasn’t going to find anything. “You seem to think I am a fool, Ms. Skywalker,” she stated, becoming more composed by the second. “I am not. And that’s why I am so certain that you are involved.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well,” Rey smiled coolly, “Send your investigators and then we’ll see who is right.”</p><p> </p><p>Rose spoke up, voice shaking but eyes determined. “Excuse me, but I’m pretty sure what you’re doing right now would be classified as unlawful trespassing, Ms. Maevus.”</p><p> </p><p>Kantarra barely spared Rose a glance. “Oh? And?”</p><p> </p><p>Rose swallowed, eyes glinting. “Well I’m pretty sure that I can call the authorities and have you arrested. So I suggest that you go ahead and leave before I lose my patience with your accusations and call the cops.” She sent the woman a sweet smile and gestured for her to leave.</p><p> </p><p>Maevus’s face went tight. “Then I shall be back with the authorities in the morning.”</p><p> </p><p>She stalked toward the entrance as Rose called out, “Make sure you have warrants!” </p><p> </p><p>The door closed and Rey spun to face her friends. Both of them look shaken.</p><p> </p><p>“I am so sorry. I should have just gone straight to the rendezvous and—“</p><p> </p><p>Rose cut Rey off. “We knew that something like this would happen, Rey, and we planned accordingly. So don’t worry about us. They’re going to have a pretty difficult time with disproving our alibi.”</p><p> </p><p>Kaydel nodded, “We’ll be fine Rey, but I don’t know if you will.” She pointed to the door. “Now that the news of Ben’s escape is out there, authorities are going to expect you to try to find Ben. So if you want to do that without bringing all of Coruscant’s police down on you, you need to get out of here now.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey bit her lip. They were right. She might be able to escape suspicion of being involved with Ben’s escape, but now that he was out, she was going to be watched. Those who hunted Ben were going to expect Rey to try to find him and if they could tail her, she’d be able to lead them to Ben.</p><p> </p><p>She needed to leave now.</p><p> </p><p>They might already be watching her.</p><p> </p><p>Rey bit her lip and rushed to her room, searching for her bag. </p><p> </p><p>She looked down at her green gown. There was no time to get out of it now. She was just going to have to make due with it. With a quick swipe, Rey scooped her bag full of credits, ration bars and clothing into her arms and with another deft motion, summoned her lightsaber and clipped it to the gold belt around her waist. </p><p> </p><p>Rose and Kaydel stood outside her door.</p><p> </p><p>They threw their arms around Rey as soon as they saw her. </p><p> </p><p>“We’re going to miss you so much, Rey,” Kaydel said with a squeeze.</p><p> </p><p>Rose nodded against Rey’s shoulder, sniffling softly. “Be safe out there, okay? Don’t do anything stupid that’ll get you two caught.” Her voice was thick with tears as she spoke and it made Rey’s throat go tight with tears of her own.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you,” she whispered against their hair. “From the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for everything. For forgiving me, for helping Ben. For saving him. I’ll always be in your debt.”</p><p> </p><p>She pulled away, gripping Rose and Kaydel’s hands. </p><p> </p><p>“May the Force be with you,” Rose said with a tearful smile.</p><p> </p><p>Rey smiled back, “And may it always be with you.” She released their hands and turned away. Feeling heavy and lightened at the same time.</p><p> </p><p>She left their apartment and hurried out to a random landing platform. </p><p> </p><p>She wasn’t going to take Kaydel’s airspeeder, though she knew that Kaydel would be alright with it.</p><p> </p><p>Instead, she selected a sleek black speeder and quickly hotwired it with the cavalier thought that if she was going to become a criminal after tonight, she may as well add grand theft auto to the list.</p><p> </p><p>She sped away into the Coruscanti night with a smile on her face.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>It didn’t take long for Rey to realize that she was being followed. </p><p> </p><p>At first, Rey chalked it up to random chance, but then she moved up a couple of skylanes and noticed two airspeeders followed the movement.</p><p> </p><p>She’d spent the last five minutes trying to shake them.</p><p> </p><p>But the pilots following her were good. Rey had looped around, heading back to the Federal District and then maneuvered multiple times, trying to lose them. </p><p> </p><p>Poe’s voice sounded through the airspeeder’s comm system again. “Rey? What’s going on?”</p><p> </p><p>She decided to just be upfront with it. “I’m being followed.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve got at least two tails, possibly more. I wasn’t sure of it until I dropped down a few skylanes. And I thought that I lost them a few minutes ago But I see them again.” She checked over her shoulder and sure enough, the tails were still there. They were closer now, obviously realizing that Rey had pegged them and had given up on being discreet.</p><p> </p><p>She felt panic flutter in her stomach. </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I can shake them.” Her teeth were cutting into her lips as she tried to outmaneuver them again. She forced the speeder into a nosedive and then banked left hard. </p><p> </p><p>The two speeders remained hot on her tail.</p><p> </p><p>“Poe,” she said, fear running from the back of her skull to the base of her spine, coloring her tone. “I don’t know if I’m going to make it. Get Ben out of there. I’ll try to lead them on a chase and if I lose them, I’ll find you later.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s not going to happen,” a voice deeper and more resonant than Poe’s voice replied firmly over the comm. </p><p> </p><p>Ben.</p><p> </p><p>Rey choked on a sob. “Ben!”</p><p> </p><p>“Rey. You can do this, sweetheart. You are the most capable pilot I have ever met.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey overheard Poe’s indignation over the comm and laughed a little despite the fear she felt. “You’ve never seen me fly before, Solo, you don’t know that.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s chuckle vibrated through the speeder. “I watched you steal my TIE<em> Whisper </em> , a notoriously tricky prototype to fly by the way, with no problem. And you somehow managed to fly to <em> Exegol </em> in an old Rebellion relic.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey banked right and then flipped around to abruptly change direction, shooting up and into an entirely different skylane. She dove down and cut across the lane and changed directions again.</p><p> </p><p>She did that a couple of times, each movement to the previous one coming more quickly.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, well,” Rey grunted as she darted through a narrow space between two massive skyscrapers and nearly collided with oncoming traffic as she zipped out, “this is different. I’m in a speeder, not a ship.”</p><p> </p><p>“Same concept, Rey.”</p><p> </p><p>She snorted. “Is not! I’m dealing with gravity and air tension and millions of vehicles in my way out here! It’s nothing like dog fighting in space!”</p><p> </p><p>Rey could almost hear Ben rolling his eyes at her. “Rey. You can do this. Lose them and then come to me.”</p><p> </p><p>Her heart rate accelerated at his command. Come to him. She inhaled sharply and nodded, though he couldn’t see it. Cool determination seeped into her bones, focusing her mind on the task at hand. He was right. She could do this. And she would do it quickly.</p><p> </p><p> “Alright. I’m coming.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey spotted a tunnel quickly approaching and she took a chance on it. </p><p> </p><p>Turned out, all speeders inside were driving one way only and it was not the same direction she was going in. Her palms sweat into the steering mechanism as she bobbed up and down trying to avoid colliding with anyone. </p><p> </p><p>It was a miracle that she made it out completely unscathed.</p><p> </p><p>An explosion behind her told her that one of her tails wasn’t so lucky. Though she mourned the life lost, she also felt relief at only having one pursuant left. </p><p> </p><p>“I lost one,” she told those listening on the other line. “The speeder went down in a traffic tunnel. I’m going to try to lose the other and then cut back toward you. Just give me a little more time.”</p><p> </p><p>Poe answered. “Rey, we can’t stay here for much longer. The news broke and the man hunt is almost certainly underway now.”</p><p> </p><p>Kriff, he was right. They needed to get Ben into the undercity soon if they wanted to keep him safe. There would be inspections at the city portals soon if they weren’t doing them already. She swallowed, disappointed that there was going to be another obstacle in the way of her reunited with Ben.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not going anywhere without Rey,” she could hear Ben arguing back. </p><p> </p><p>“Ben,” she said, making up her mind. “I’ll find you. I promise. What matters most is that you stay safe.” </p><p> </p><p>Then she addressed Poe. “Alright, Poe. Go ahead and move to the next point. I’m going to shake this tail and ditch this speeder. Then I’ll meet you.”</p><p> </p><p>She could feel Ben opening his side of the bond, ready to argue with her but she spoke first. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I won’t risk you getting caught just because you’re trying to wait for me, Ben. I promise you, I will find you. Tell me where you are when you land and I’ll be there as soon as I can. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>She could feel his frustration, his anxiety as it rankled down their bond. <em> Alright, </em> he agreed <em> , be safe, alright Rey? Don’t do anything too risky. </em></p><p> </p><p>Rey scoffed. <em> As if you wouldn’t pull insane stunts to get to me. </em></p><p> </p><p>She could hear Ben’s quiet laugh and smiled a little. Then she withdrew and focused again on losing her pursuant.</p><p> </p><p>  With a massive tug on the steering mechanism, Rey flipped her speeder around and drove through the masses of oncoming traffic, catching the eye of the being who chased her. The young woman’s eyes went wide when she realized what Rey was doing. She cursed and immediately focused on pulling the same maneuver as Rey. She struggled to turn amidst the heavy traffic and that ended up giving Rey a significant lead. </p><p> </p><p>While she still had an edge, Rey swerved and cut into a higher skylane that was adjacent to the one she was currently fighting against. </p><p> </p><p>She started scanning for an inconspicuous spot where she could ditch the speeder she was in and steel a new one. That would hopefully throw her remaining tail off of her scent and then she could safely find a portal and descend down to the underbelly of the massive ecumenopolis. </p><p> </p><p>Rey checked over her shoulder. Still no sign of the speeder following her. However, that didn’t really put her at ease. There had been a few other times where she’d believed that she had lost them. </p><p> </p><p>But it did give her enough comfort to follow the flow of traffic so that she could attempt to blend in and disappear before finding a new ride.</p><p> </p><p>A few more moments passed with no sign of the tail. So Rey decided that she could ditch her speeder now and find something else. Preferably one with a roof and tinted transparisteel to keep her hidden from view.</p><p> </p><p>She scanned the landing platforms suspended in the sky and picked one that was shaded from the bright lights of the Coruscanti night by a massive skyscraper. Picking the darkest corner she could find, Rey landed the black speeder and hopped out in one quick motion. She ducked against it for a moment, watching the skyline for her pursuant.</p><p> </p><p>Heartbeats later, she decided that she’d <em> definitely </em> lost the tail now. Rey sagged against the side of the airspeeder and closed her eyes for a brief moment.</p><p> </p><p>She did it. Thank the stars, she did it.</p><p> </p><p>Rey stood up and examined the speeders at hand. Her eyes settled on a small one with a covered cab that looked like it might be able to fit two occupants and moved to take that one. Once her bag was secure, she wired the speeder and took off.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>This time, she was not followed.</p><p> </p><p>But that didn’t prevent the paranoia she was currently experiencing from sinking its icy claws into the back of her mind.</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt like she almost constantly had her head turned to watch over her shoulder as she flew toward the portal point Ben told her to head to. It was there that she would make her way to level 1313, a notoriously dangerous section of the Undercity.</p><p> </p><p>She sat against the seat of the speeder and began easing down the massive hole in the ground. It was going to take a while. She estimated that she had about four thousand levels to go. Her fingers drummed impatiently against her thigh. </p><p> </p><p>Rey was so tired of waiting. It seemed that all she had done since yesterday was wait. Wait for the trial. Wait for the verdict, for the sentencing. Wait for the prison break, wait for the Gala to end. And finally, waiting to descend into the bowels of Galactic City to finally, <em> finally </em> be reunited with her bondmate.</p><p> </p><p> It was well past 01:00 standard time and Rey knew that she should be exhausted. But she wasn’t. She honestly didn’t know if she would be able to sleep at all tonight.</p><p> </p><p>How could she possibly be expected to rest after everything that happened in the last six hours? How could she possibly want to rest after she was finally wrapped in Ben’s arms again? Right where she knew she was meant to be?</p><p> </p><p>Rey tried to continue her descent at a slow enough pace so as to not raise suspicion, but it was so kriffing hard. She just wanted to nose dive down as quickly as the speeder could manage because it meant that she could get to Ben faster. </p><p> </p><p>But she had to remain patient and matched the speed of the other airspeeders that surrounded her. It was a miracle that she hadn’t been stopped on the way down. Most of the other portals were not allowing anyone to enter or exit without submitting to thorough inspection in the hopes of finding Ben.</p><p> </p><p>Ben had been in the undercity for a while before his breakout was discovered. He was safely hidden in the lower levels of the Uscru district, which meant that he was currently in no danger of getting caught. </p><p> </p><p>However, Rey was rather certain that Sindian would be looking for her too seeing as it was fairly obvious she would go to find Ben.</p><p> </p><p>At last, Rey spotted the docks of level 1313 and smiled so wide that her face felt as though it would split in two. Her heart rate spiked considerably as she neared the dockmaster’s gate, knowing that she was now mere moments away from being reunited with Ben Solo. She paid an uninterested besalisk the toll to stow her speeder and hurried to find a spot.</p><p> </p><p>With shaking fingers, Rey eased into a space far away from the others and powered the speeder down. She gulped, feeling like a bundle of nerves and ecstasy all at once. </p><p> </p><p>She hopped out of the small speeder and bid it farewell. Hopefully she and Ben would be long gone before it was discovered. They didn’t plan to stay long before finding a new section of the Coruscanti undercity to hide away in.</p><p> </p><p>The lightweight fabric of the gown she hadn’t been able to shed after the Gala fluttered behind her as she strode quickly down the berth to the main thoroughfare. The rich green gown caught the eyes of several seedy beings, who watched her greedily as she passed. She rolled her shoulders and met their eyes, letting them know that she saw them and wasn’t someone to be intimidated by their leering. Most looked away but a few smirked, which set Rey on edge. </p><p> </p><p>Tonight was not the night to be followed by greasy men.</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s hand went unbidden to the black hilt of her lightsaber, hoping that she wouldn’t have to use it and giver her identity away immediately. As she gripped the hilt, she sent out a powerful urge through the Force to convince them to look away and forget her. </p><p> </p><p>It worked. They turned back to her business and let her be. Rey released the hilt and went on her way. </p><p> </p><p>She needed to find Ben. She inhaled deeply and felt for his Force signature. </p><p> </p><p>Almost immediately she was hit with his frenetic, churning energy not too far away. She couldn’t really estimate, but she suspected that he was less than a ten minute walk away from where she stood.</p><p> </p><p>Rey smiled giddily and began making her way to her bondmate.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Ben felt it the moment Rey reached out through the Force to find him. He stood abruptly, interrupting the conversation being held without him.</p><p> </p><p>He felt three sets of eyes on him but didn’t pay them any heed. </p><p> </p><p>She was close. She was so incredibly close that he felt as though he could pluck her out of thin air. </p><p> </p><p>Ben walked out of the cockpit to the sounds of Poe and Finn’s protesting and marched through the hold to the boarding ramp. The sounds of booted feet echoed down the hold and within seconds, Finn and Poe appeared with varying expressions of exasperation to near suspicion.</p><p> </p><p>“Solo,” Finn barked, “what are you doing? You’re supposed to be waiting in the cockpit.”</p><p> </p><p>Poe Dameron leaned against the wall of the rickety old freighter and crossed his arms. “Yeah, I gotta agree with Finn. You’re supposed to be in the cockpit. Or hell, even the hold. But you can’t go out there. Someone could recognize you.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben ground his teeth together. If he had to sit in the cockpit any longer listening to Rey’s friends prattling on about anything and everything, Rey might not have friends after the night ended. </p><p> </p><p>He turned away and started meddling with the control panel next to the ramp. “I can feel Rey. She’s close.”</p><p> </p><p>Dameron clapped his hands together once. “Great! Then I’ll make sure she comes straight to the cockpit when she finds the ship. Which is where you’ll be waiting. Patiently…” he stated pointedly to Ben.</p><p> </p><p>Ben shook his head, “I’ll just wait on the ramp. I won’t go any further. And as soon as Rey gets here, we’ll come straight in and you can relocate immediately if it makes you feel any better.”</p><p> </p><p>“Solo, that’s a really bad idea.” Finn said again, his arms also crossed. “If anyone recognizes you, it’s over for <em> all </em>of us. Not just you. Think about Rey. She’ll be imprisoned.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s jaw clenched and he felt the muscle flare. Kriff it all, the traitor—Finn, his mind reminded him—was right. If Ben was seen and recognized, Chewie and Rey would be captured. </p><p> </p><p>He wanted to slam his fist against the durasteel wall but fought the urge, instead choosing to turn around slowly to face away from the two men whilst breathing in deeply to calm himself.</p><p> </p><p>“Fine,” he gritted, “But I want the ramp lowered and I’m not waiting in that stupid cockpit. I’ll wait in the hold.”</p><p> </p><p>“We’ll make sure to stay out of the hold for a while then. Give you two some time to...re-acquaint yourselves with each other.” Dameron smirked, which was so incredibly irksome to Ben that he wanted nothing more than to punch that smug look off his face.</p><p> </p><p>Ben tried to stave the flush from his cheeks, but based on the way Dameron’s smirk widened, he’d failed. He glanced at Finn in order to look anywhere but at the stupid pilot and noticed that the ex-stormtrooper was glowering at the floor darkly.</p><p> </p><p>Jealousy wafted off of Finn’s form in waves, polluting the air and souring the already tense mood amongst the three men. Ben bit the inside of his cheek, trying to suppress the territorial possessiveness he felt over Rey now. </p><p> </p><p><em> Of course he was in love with Rey too </em>, he realized bitterly. Finn couldn’t have been more transparent about it when he visited Ben in his cell last night. And he knew that he shouldn’t care because Rey had chosen him, but it bothered him anyway. It bothered him that the former Stormtrooper carried feelings for his bondmate. And it especially bothered him to realize that Finn might want Ben out of the picture not only for Rey’s safety. No, Ben was starting to suspect that Finn also wanted Ben to leave so that he could have a chance with Rey. </p><p> </p><p><em> Good luck with that, </em> he wanted to snort.</p><p> </p><p>Rey wouldn’t give him a shot in damnation. Not after everything she’d been through with Ben.</p><p> </p><p>So Ben tried to dismiss the feelings of jealousy when it came to Finn. And it worked for the most part.</p><p> </p><p>“Just be ready to take off when she gets here,” he reiterated and then stalked off to the hold where he sat and tried to keep the nerves from bouncing his limbs too much.</p><p> </p><p>Dameron and Finn followed him through to their seats in the cockpit ahead.</p><p> </p><p>He could feel her. She was so close. All he had to do was step out of the ship for a moment or two and then she would be there and they would be together again.</p><p> </p><p>Ben stood and started to pace the cramped hold, unable to sit still any longer.</p><p> </p><p>He was itching to go watch for Rey. He glanced toward the cockpit and could hear Dameron and Finn talking loudly about something that had happened at the Gala and decided to go stand at the threshold of the boarding ramp. He could keep to the shadows while he waited for Rey.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben,” a soft, breathless voice called from behind and Ben whirled around. His heart pounded against his chest as the sound of his name resounded in his ears.</p><p> </p><p>Rey stood at the entrance of the hold, eyes wide with tears sparkling in them. She was radiant in a deep green gown that contrasted perfectly with her golden skin and bright, hazel eyes. She extended a shaking hand and took a small step forward, as though unsure that he was really there. That they were really together at last, after all they’d been through in the last week.</p><p> </p><p>Rey. She—she was here. With him. After days of physical distance and only Force bonds, seeing her just under two meters away stole his breath away. Her bright light washed over him, filling him with a peace that had been eluding him ever since they parted.</p><p> </p><p>Ben worked his mouth, unable to say anything now that Rey was physically with him. He finally managed to choke her name out through a tight throat and that seemed to break the spell.</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s face broke into a massive grin. With a little bounce, she bobbed on her feet and sprinted to close the distance between them. </p><p> </p><p>Ben followed in suit and they crashed together, two forces never meant to be separated reunited into the whole, singular being they were always meant to be.</p><p> </p><p>The breath was knocked from his chest as they collided but Ben didn’t care. He would gladly feel like this for the rest of his life if it meant that Rey was always with him.</p><p> </p><p>She pulled away, just slightly, so that she could peer up at Ben, her face open and inviting, her eyes glittering. </p><p> </p><p>Ben caressed her face in his hands, relishing in the feel of her skin against his and leant down, slanting his lips to meet hers.</p><p> </p><p>With a surge, Rey pushed herself up to meet his lips and they crashed together once more.</p><p> </p><p>And as they finally came together, two as one, Ben knew without a  doubt that he could never be parted from Rey again.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Oh my gosh I hope that there were at least a few people who had fun reading Kaydel's scene. I loved it. I love her. I wish she had been more developed, but I have a feeling she'd be super game for some trickery.</p><p>And I couldn't resist writing that garbage chute scene. Like, it definitely was never apart of any outline EVER but when I got to the part where he was supposed to get out, I HAD to make Ben get stuck. Like HAAAAAAAD to. </p><p>Ben finally got to see Chewie and speak with him! It was so emotional for me to write. I feel like Chewie would still be so incredibly angry with Ben, but at the end of it, he's still that little human boy who was hanging off his arms to our softie. So I would be pressed to believe that Chewie couldn't ever forgive Ben.</p><p>Finn and Ben have it out again but come to an understanding at least. </p><p>And finally, OUR BABIES ARE REUNITED AT LAST!!!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0031"><h2>31. Bittersweet Moments</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Phew, okay I'm back. </p><p>We moved into our new house just this past week and have been adjusting and nervously waiting for evacuation orders to stop proceeding. Luckily our area was never put under evacuation alert or anything like that, but it was still really close. </p><p>We've been stuck inside for over a week due to the crazy amounts of smoke in the air. So you'd think that I would have been on a huge writing kick and gotten a lot done, but unfortunately that has not been the case. </p><p>Everything outdoors is shut down and my poor husband, who drove across the country from Tennessee to Oregon rather than fly like our son and I, still hasn't seen anything here other than furniture stores, Target and Fred Meyer (for US readers, it's the same company that owns Fry's, Kroger, Smith's, Ralph's but like on major steroids. For those outside of the US, it is a massive grocery store). We're hoping the smoke will clear out enough this weekend for us to take him sight seeing.</p><p>Anyway, that's enough about my life haha. Wow, we only have two chapters left after this one. I'm currently working through 32. I'm about seven pages into it. Outline is complete, just need to fill the chapter. I'm hoping to update again in about two weeks. But please don't hold me to it!</p><p>Oh! And I've started a Tumblr page! Come find and follow me there! I'm stormblessed-skywalker with a hyphen instead. Ask me questions, help me promote this story! I'm hoping to share previews of WTHSITE and new works on the page. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>  <a href="https://www.tumblr.com/blog/stormblessed-skywalker">stormblessed-skywalker</a></p><p> </p><p> </p><p>If the link didn't work, copy and paste:<br/>https://www.tumblr.com/blog/stormblessed-skywalker</p><p> </p><p>Content warning: Things get a little bit steamy, but NOT EXPLICIT in the last section of the chapter. Things get heated and then I pretty much fade to black. I personally don't read smut and I know that there are some readers out there who don't read it either, so I tried to keep the smut out of my story. It just makes me feel uncomfortable and bleh.</p><p>But if you want to stay away from that entirely and have the complete fade to black experience, you can skip from: "Now Rey sat up fully, reaching out to lay a comforting hand on him." and rejoin the story several paragraphs down to here: "Rey drifted in and out after she and Ben exhausted themselves."</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE: Bittersweet Moments</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When Rey had finally found where the ship was, she didn’t know what to expect. Would her friends have Ben bound due to their distrust of him? Would he be among them, a new comrade after facing something dangerous together?</p><p> </p><p>Rey hoped for the second, but she knew that the first was more likely.</p><p> </p><p>It turned out that she was wrong on both counts.</p><p> </p><p>Ben was alone, pacing in the cramped hold. He looked agitated. Not something unusual for him, she thought with a smile. She meant to stride into the small room and claim him as hers, but then he hesitated and looked into the cockpit. Her curiosity struck and she stayed where she was, watching him quietly. </p><p> </p><p>She stood and watched as his face settled into a determined expression. She knew that look. She’d seen it many times over their experiences together. He was about to do something that most likely wasn’t the best of ideas. And she had a pretty good idea of what it might be. </p><p> </p><p>So Rey, heart suddenly pounding in her chest and nerves fluttering in her stomach decided to reveal herself to him.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben,” she called out to the tall man before her softly and stepped into the light of the hold.</p><p> </p><p>Ben whipped around, dark amber eyes as wide as dinner plates as he took her in. His mouth parted and he worked his jaw, as though he was trying to say something but couldn’t quite get it out. </p><p> </p><p>“Rey,” he breathed at last. His eyes shone brightly and he inhaled shakily, a tearful smile growing across his full lips.</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt her own mouth grin, happiness overcoming the nerves and she couldn’t help it anymore. She needed to feel him--needed to confirm that he was really there. So she ran to him and leapt into his welcoming arms.</p><p> </p><p>She clung to Ben’s neck for a moment, relishing in the warmth of his body and the silkiness of his hair tickling her cheek. Then, she looked up and met his whiskey eyes, blushing at the intensity of his gaze, so filled with love and longing that it made her shiver. </p><p> </p><p>Ben held her face softly with his calloused hands and Rey relished in the feel of the warmth that emanated from them. She bit her lip as he began leaning down toward her, anticipation charging within.</p><p> </p><p>Rey glanced down at his lips, perfect and plush and pushed herself up onto her toes, eager to meet him halfway. </p><p> </p><p>Their mouths collided and melded together perfectly, just as they always had. He tasted like sweat and something spiced and it only urged her to pull herself closer to him.</p><p> </p><p>Finally, after a horrible week apart, she and Ben were finally together again. The bond hummed in satisfaction as they came together over and over again. Rey crushed her chest against his while Ben grappled and wrapped his arms around her waist. </p><p> </p><p>All was right in the world again. She was where she was meant to be and she would never allow herself to be separated from her bondmate ever again.</p><p> </p><p>Ben had just begun deepening their kiss when someone coughed awkwardly behind them.</p><p> </p><p>Rey sprang back from Ben, heart beating so rapidly against her chest that she was sure it would break free from it’s cage.</p><p> </p><p>She panted, tearing her attention from Ben and his eyes to the person who so rudely interrupted her reunion with her bondmate.</p><p> </p><p>Poe was leaning against the frame of the blastdoor with a wide smirk. “Sorry to interrupt your, ah, moment,” he grinned, not looking sorry at all. “But we gotta get out of here.” </p><p> </p><p>The pilot turned and called over his shoulder, “So strap in. We’re gonna head to a different sector. Should only take us an hour or two to get there.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey cleared her throat, face flaming red at being caught with Ben’s tongue down her throat.</p><p> </p><p>“Be right there,” she called awkwardly after him.</p><p> </p><p>Rey turned back to Ben who looked more annoyed than embarrassed, though she noticed the pink tinge to his ears. Maker, he looked so good right now. She just wanted to jump him right then and there. But clearly Poe wasn’t going to allow that, so…</p><p> </p><p>She turned away from Ben and started making her way to the cockpit but was halted midstride. Ben had a hold on her hand and was tugging her back into him, eyes alight. “I’m not ready to let go of you just yet,” he murmured as she fell into him. “Dameron promised to give us some time.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey quirked a brow all the while feeling immensely pleased that he wanted more. “Clearly he thinks that he’s given us plenty of time.” She tugged against his hand lightly, pulling him toward her instead of the other way around. “Come on,” she said softly, “if we make it through this, we’re going to have all the time in the galaxy to be together.”</p><p> </p><p>“Just one more,” Ben pleaded with soft eyes. His massive hand went to her cheek, fingers threading through her hair. Rey’s eyes closed in spite of herself, forcing a shiver away. She nodded and almost immediately Ben’s lips were on hers again, moving with such perfection that Rey felt faint.</p><p> </p><p>The kiss broke, leaving Rey wanting so much more, but they had other things to do. Namely getting out of the sector of level 1313 they currently sat in and flying to another, safer location.</p><p> </p><p>Rey grabbed Ben’s hand and they both entered the cockpit feeling flushed and wound up. She tried to even out her breathing to appear calm, but a quick look at Poe and his amused eyes told her that their delay was noted and the reason behind it painfully obvious.</p><p> </p><p>She looked away in a huff and sat down next to Ben, who didn’t have the decency to look abashed or embarrassed. Instead, he looked mightily pleased with himself, a small smile lightening his demeanor. </p><p> </p><p>And for that, Rey couldn’t be mad. How long had it been since she’d seen such a light expression on his face? Their last physical Force connection hadn’t even produced such a sweet expression. She ran her thumb across the knuckle of his forefinger and leant into him.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright, let’s get going then,” Poe announced as he began flipping switches and engaging various devices. </p><p> </p><p>Chewie sat next to him, acting as co-pilot.</p><p> </p><p>Once they had taken off and were flying, the Wookiee turned his attention to Rey with a happy growl. </p><p> </p><p>“<em> Sunshine, I’m so glad you made it here safely! The whelp has been so anxious to reunite with you that I could almost smell the nauseating scent of it.” </em></p><p> </p><p>Rey giggled at Chewie’s nickname for Ben. “Whelp, Chewie? Is that something you’ve always called him?”</p><p> </p><p>Chewie stiffened a little and Ben answered for him. “It’s what he calls me when I’ve done something to upset him…” he trailed and Rey felt the smile slip from her face a bit. Oh. Right. The small matter of Ben having killed his father and Chewbacca’s best friend, Han Solo.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “In better days I called him Little Starfighter, like Lando. Or Little Solo.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“I see,” was all Rey could respond with, not wanting to pry further into the complicated relationship that Ben and Chewie shared.</p><p> </p><p><em> “How was your trip down?” </em> Chewie asked her again, staring over his shoulder at Rey. </p><p> </p><p>Rey collected herself and answered the massive Wookiee, welcoming the distraction. “For the most part, it was difficult. I was being followed by two speeders.”</p><p> </p><p>Chewie nodded as if he already knew that. “<em> Yes, we heard your comm with Poe.” </em></p><p> </p><p>She shrugged, “Well once I lost the tails, I found a new speeder and did my best to fly down the city portal without drawing any attention to myself. By that point, I was just impatient to get to all of you.” </p><p> </p><p>Ben squeezed her hand softly but kept his eyes staring ahead. She squeezed his hand back.</p><p> </p><p>“Where’s Finn?” Rey asked, realizing that her best friend was not in the cockpit as she’d expected. </p><p> </p><p>Poe coughed uncomfortably, “Oh, he’s in the ‘fresher. He should be back in a few minutes.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s brows drew together, “That’s funny, I don’t remember seeing him leave the cockpit before Rey showed up.” His eyes widened and his mouth popped open, “Oh…”</p><p> </p><p>Poe didn’t take his eyes off the skylane as he answered. “Why else would I come out to interrupt your happy reunion with Rey? Finn felt Rey as soon as she stepped into the hold and went to see her.” He shook his head, “Even though I told him not to--told him to wait and give you two a few minutes. He didn’t listen.” </p><p> </p><p>Poe shrugged, “Guess he didn’t like what he saw. Stalked off to the ‘fresher and he’s been there ever since.”</p><p> </p><p>Oh, that was excellent then, wasn’t it? Finn walked in on her with Ben and didn’t like what he saw. Now he was off in the refresher probably trying to process and cool off instead of spending a final few precious moments with her before she and Ben left for good.</p><p> </p><p>Still, she couldn’t help but feel slightly guilty about it, being ensconced in Ben’s arms for her best friend to see. She knew that Finn had lingering feelings for her so she should have tried to be sensitive to that uncomfortable fact. </p><p> </p><p>But clearly all she had on her mind in that moment was Ben.</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt very tempted to kick herself but refrained for the time being. “I’ll go talk to him.” She could make this right. That was all. Just talk to Finn and let him know—</p><p> </p><p>“Talk to who?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey turned to see Finn standing in the doorway of the cockpit and leapt to her feet. </p><p> </p><p>“Finn!” </p><p> </p><p>Finn smiled and held his arms out for Rey. “Hey, Rey.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you so much Finn. You truly have no idea how much your help means to me,” she said as she made her way over to him. </p><p> </p><p>“It’s so good to see you here, safe.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey wrapped her arms around his solid middle and hugged him tight, the way it had always been between them. And then she felt a distinct uptick of jealousy. Which was emanating from Ben. </p><p> </p><p>She turned and shot him a look, but he didn’t notice. He was busy glowering at Finn, who had the audacity to puff up his chest and smirk back at Ben. </p><p> </p><p>Seriously?</p><p> </p><p>They were doing this here? Now?</p><p> </p><p>Rey scowled and pushed herself off of Finn and batted at his shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey!” he yelped and broke off his stare-off with Ben to look down at Rey in surprise. “What was that for?”</p><p> </p><p>“Stop taunting Ben.”</p><p> </p><p>Finn flushed, “I wasn’t taunting anybody—”</p><p> </p><p>Rey cut him off, snorting, “You say that as if I didn’t just see the look you were giving Ben just now.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well I—” Finn sputtered.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay that’s enough,” Poe chimed. “We have more important things to discuss. Like the next steps. And you know what, we probably need to have a chat about Sindian before the lovebirds head out.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey extricated herself from Finn and then moved back to Ben, who was still glaring. At least he was glaring at the floor instead of Finn, Rey decided. Less dangerous that way. She sat down and placed her hand on his knee in hopes that it would calm him.</p><p> </p><p>Ben placed his hand on top of hers almost immediately and leaned into her. She could tell through the bond that he was still bothered over Finn but was feeling much better with Rey near him once more. </p><p> </p><p>She had to refrain from rolling her eyes. </p><p> </p><p>Men.</p><p> </p><p>“I thought that the next step was taking us far from the rendezvous point?” She was still a little hazy on this portion of the plan. Or...really hazy as no one had really told her beforehand, instead relying on informing her on a need to know basis.</p><p> </p><p>Poe nodded, “Yeah that’s part of it. The other part, a part that hasn’t been openly discussed yet, is what happens after we drop you off.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben sat up, “I thought Lando was going to smuggle me off-planet and then abandon me somewhere? Where I was supposed to strike out on my own?” He shot a dark look at Finn, who pointedly did not look over at the pair of them.</p><p> </p><p><em> “There’s been a change of plans,” </em> Chewie stated simply. “ <em> Did you really expect Lando and I to abandon you without any help? </em>” Chewie stared at Ben, annoyance plain as day dripping from his expression.</p><p> </p><p>Her bondmate shrugged uncomfortably, “Well, yeah. I thought that Rey and I were going to find our own way.”</p><p> </p><p>Chewie growled, a mixture of anger and hurt. <em> “Your parents would never forgive us for that.” </em></p><p> </p><p>Ben’s expression grew solemn at the mention of his parents and Rey could feel him withdrawing a bit into himself. She put her other hand on his forearm and squeezed a little.</p><p> </p><p>“Then how are you going to help us off of Coruscant?” she asked on Ben’s behalf.</p><p> </p><p>Chewie’s blue eyes shifted to her, <em> “Lando purchased a small ship for the two of you. It’s hidden somewhere on level 2500.” </em> He handed Rey the chip and a fob. <em> “Once you find it and get off planet, find somewhere remote to wait for a while. Then Lando said you’d both be welcome on Bespin.” </em></p><p> </p><p>Rey blinked, overcome by Lando’s generosity. She turned to look at Ben, who stared at Chewie with misted eyes. His bottom lip trembled as he tried to collect himself. “Thank you, Uncle Chewie.”</p><p> </p><p>The Wookiee looked away for a moment, abashed by Ben’s emotional sincerity. <em> “Thank Lando. He’s the one who arranged it all.” </em></p><p> </p><p>Ben gulped then nodded. He dropped his gaze to the floor and Chewie turned back to watch the viewport.</p><p> </p><p>There was something else that Poe had mentioned though, something that Rey was feeling especially motivated over after tonight.</p><p> </p><p>“What are we going to do about Sindian?” she asked firmly. That woman needed to be dealt with. And soon, if Rey could do anything about it.</p><p> </p><p>Poe sighed, “Honestly, I don’t know. I thought that maybe what you got out of her during the Gala would be implicating enough to allow us to bring charges to her, but Kaydel took a look and disagreed.”</p><p> </p><p>He sat staring out of the viewport, focused on steering the ship even as his fingers danced on the steering mechanism. “All I know is that what she’s done to the government in the month that she’s been in office has completely undermined Leia’s wish. She needs to be removed from any position of power before she does anything worse.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey thought hard, trying to come up with some solution that would remove Carise Sindian from power.</p><p> </p><p>She sat up straighter, and idea coming to mind. “I could create a holovid, detailing the injustices that Ben experienced while he was in custody here. Talk about how she tried to bribe me with Ben’s life to get me to work for her.”</p><p> </p><p>Poe shook his head while Ben turned to look at her, incredulous. </p><p> </p><p>“Won’t work,” Poe said, “Your reputation and your word aren’t worth much around the galaxy at the moment, unfortunately. Not after the trial. Sindian wouldn’t even have to acknowledge it and it would go away on it’s own after a time.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s mood darkened. Her reputation wasn’t worth much anymore? All because of her public support of Ben? After everything she’d done to save the galaxy from her wicked grandfather?</p><p> </p><p>The people of the galaxy were fickle indeed if that was all it took for their gratitude to turn cold.</p><p> </p><p>She grit her teeth, “That’s ridiculous.”</p><p> </p><p>Poe just shrugged again, “It is the unfortunate way the galaxy works, I’m afraid.”</p><p> </p><p><em> I’m sorry that I’ve cost you favor with the people of the galaxy, </em> Ben murmured into her mind. Rey jumped slightly, not expecting him to say anything and glanced at him from the side. </p><p> </p><p><em> I’m not, </em> she said. Ben quirked a disbelieving brow at her and she rolled her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I mean, I wish that it wasn’t so easy to lose their support, but I don’t regret standing up for you, Ben. I’ll never regret that, even if it means that I lose the support and favor of every single being in the galaxy. You’re too important to me for that to matter. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s amber eyes darkened as her stared at her, eyes soft and searching. Warmth spooled in her stomach as she stared back, willing him to believe her. She reached up and placed her hand against his cheek. It was cool to the touch and far more smooth than she thought it would be after a week in a prison cell. Some sort of beard suppressant, perhaps?</p><p> </p><p>Rey supposed that they stayed like that, staring into each other’s eyes for too long, because the next thing she knew, there was an uncomfortable cough coming from the other side of the cockpit and Ben pulled away.</p><p> </p><p>She tried not to feel sad over it.</p><p> </p><p>Ben cleared his throat and spoke up hesitantly, surprising everyone. “I think I have a solution,” he said with his deep, reverberating baritone.</p><p> </p><p>Finn swiveled his chair to look back at Ben disbelievingly. “You? A solution?” He scoffed, “I gotta hear this. Bet it’ll knock all of our socks off.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben clenched his jaw, tensing and Rey nudged him with her knee. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Don’t. He’s just trying to get a rise out of you. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>To his credit, Ben ignored the bait and addressed everyone. “I can deal with Sindian. If my hunch about her is correct, she’ll be more than removed from office. She’ll be imprisoned.”</p><p> </p><p>“And how exactly can you do that?” Finn asked.</p><p> </p><p>Ben looked to Finn. “I’ll reveal her for what she really is.”</p><p> </p><p>Poe spoke up, “What do you need?”</p><p> </p><p>“A datapad with Holonet access.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s all?” Poe spared a glance back to Ben and then returned his attention to piloting the freighter. </p><p> </p><p>Rey wondered what Ben could be planning. She skirted around his mind, asking for more information. Rather than getting an answer, Rey got the distinct impression that he wanted it to be a surprise. Rey squinted at him and sat back, content to let him keep his secret for the time being.</p><p> </p><p>“I could have it done by morning.” Ben replied with the smallest of smirks.</p><p> </p><p>Now Rey really wanted to know what Ben was conjuring, but if the bloody man wanted to keep it a secret til then, then she could find it within herself to wait a few more hours.</p><p> </p><p>Finn didn’t seem as convinced. “And how sure are you that your <em> plan </em> would work?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben met Finn’s eyes levelly. “It’s going to work.”</p><p> </p><p>Finn looked like he was going to argue back so Rey decided that it was a good time to intervene. “I have a datapad you can use, Ben.”</p><p> </p><p>Her bondmate’s eyes were back on her, warming instantly. “Thanks.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey smiled and then dug her hand around the skirts of her gown, trying to find the datapad she’d placed in the pocket. After a moment of searching, she found the pocket and touched the cool metal of the device. She pulled it out and handed it to Ben, who accepted it with a smile. </p><p> </p><p><em> “We should be landing in about twenty minutes, you two,” </em> Chewie called over his shoulder. </p><p> </p><p>Rey felt a deep sadness settle over her. In twenty minutes, her life would change forever. She would say goodbye to her closest friends. </p><p> </p><p>In twenty minutes, she would become a fugitive just like Ben. They would begin their life on the run, never able to settle anywhere permanently.</p><p> </p><p>A lump formed in her throat. She was excited to take this step with Ben, she really was. She knew that it was the right thing to do and she wanted it more than anything. But she was going to be leaving the people who became her family and she had no idea when she would see them again. She swallowed heavily around the tightness in her throat. </p><p> </p><p>Would she see them again?</p><p> </p><p>She felt Ben’s reassuring squeeze on her thigh and tried not to think about how she might not see Finn or Poe again. She tried to focus on the future she was about to embark on with Ben. A future she didn’t realize she was even able to have until that fateful day on Ahch-To. Rey closed her eyes and settled her head against Ben’s shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey?” </p><p> </p><p>Rey’s eyes sprang open and was startled to see Finn standing before her.</p><p> </p><p>She became aware of the tense set of Ben’s shoulders at the presence of Finn and fought the urge to swat him this time. </p><p> </p><p>He had absolutely no reason at all to be acting territorial.</p><p> </p><p>“What is it, Finn?” she asked kindly with a smile, hoping to offset the hostility she felt emanating from Ben’s Force signature. Surely that was something Finn could sense now.</p><p> </p><p>If he did, Finn gave no indication. Instead he fidgeted before meeting her eyes again. “I was wondering if we could talk?” He hurried to add, “Outside of the cockpit—alone.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben growled at this, not pleased with the idea of the two of them holding a private conversation that excluded him. Rey shot him a glare and then looked back to Finn. </p><p> </p><p>“Of course.”</p><p> </p><p>She stood and straightened her gown. She really needed to get out of the impractical thing and soon. It was lovely, but it was also an item of clothing that Rey really had no use for.</p><p> </p><p>Rey followed Finn out to the far end of the hold, out of earshot of anyone who might want to listen to their conversation. She drew her brows together, suspicious.</p><p> </p><p>Finn paced for a moment, working his jaw as he tried to figure out what to say. Her eyes followed him as he turned about his small path, trying to wait patiently for him to say something.</p><p> </p><p>Eventually, she decided she didn’t want to wait anymore.</p><p> </p><p>“What is it that you want—” Rey started to say as Finn opened his mouth, “I don’t want you to go with him.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt her mouth drop open in surprise while Finn stared at her, lips firming into a determined line.</p><p> </p><p>She shook her head, still not quite grasping what Finn said. “I’m sorry, what? You don’t want me to go with Ben?”</p><p> </p><p>Her best friend moved closer to her, grasping at her hands and holding them tightly, eyes imploring. “Rey, it isn’t safe. Solo is going to be on the run from here on out and I don’t want you to get hurt or—or killed. You’ll be in danger with him, <em> always </em>.” </p><p> </p><p>He gripped her hands again. “Don’t go with him. Please. Stay where you’ll be safe. Stay with us.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey bit her lip, trying to calm the storm she felt brewing within her. Finn, she tried to convince herself, did not know what he was asking. He was just concerned with her safety. He didn’t realize just how capable she was. Especially with Ben by her side. </p><p> </p><p>So instead of reacting the way she wanted, she blinked calmly and inhaled. </p><p> </p><p>“Finn, I appreciate your concern for my safety, but I promise I’m going to be fine.”</p><p> </p><p>Finn’s brows drew together, “You’re going to be fine?” he asked with a hint of frustration. “Rey, you’re going to be hunted every moment you spend with him. You’re not going to be fine. You’re going to get yourself killed!”</p><p> </p><p>She tugged her hands out of Finn’s grasp and lifted her chin. “No, I’m not. Ben and I will keep each other safe. You don’t have to worry about me.”</p><p> </p><p>This time her friend laughed humorlessly and then ran his hands through his hair. </p><p> </p><p>“I can’t believe this. You’re actually going to go with him? After I ask you to stay because you’d be safer that way?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s eyes widened and she felt blood rush to her face, visibly manifesting her anger. “Excuse me? What makes you think that I would stay because you asked?” </p><p> </p><p>She took a step back, forcing distance between them. “Finn, I appreciate that you’re worried about me, but I will be fine, truly. Ben and I can take care of ourselves.”</p><p> </p><p>His face scrunched up and he looked like he was going to argue more but Rey stopped him with a hand. Finn held his tongue but stared at the durasteel flooring beneath their feet, jaw working furiously once more.</p><p> </p><p>“Finn, you know how I was after Exegol. I tried and pretended to be okay, but you saw through it. I was slowly dying. And now you know it was because I lost my bondmate, half of my dyad…” she looked at him earnestly, willing him to look back to make him <em> understand </em>. </p><p> </p><p>Her lip quivered when he refused.</p><p> </p><p>“And somehow, he came back to me and I can’t, Finn, I <em> can’t </em> lose him again.” Rey inhaled shakily, pain lancing through her chest at the thought of another separation.</p><p> </p><p>“I won’t survive it.”</p><p> </p><p>Their corner in the hold was silent for a moment. When Finn looked up again, his eyes shone with unshed tears. His jaw trembled, “And what about us, Rey? You’re okay with losing us? Because that’s what’s going to happen, isn’t it?”</p><p> </p><p>Finn took a step forward and Rey fell back another step. “We’re your family and you’re just going to abandon us for a man who was constantly trying to kill you? All because he turned back to the right side at the right moment?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey was shaking now, “Don’t—”</p><p> </p><p>“No, Rey, it’s my turn.”</p><p> </p><p>Finn stared at her hard as a single tear rolled down his cheek. “You’re choosing to run away with a man you hardly know over your family<em> . </em> Your <em> family, </em> Rey.”</p><p> </p><p>“Will we even see each other again?” his voice broke and he hunched in on himself. “Because I honestly don’t know, Rey. If you choose to leave with him, I don’t know if we’ll see each other again.”</p><p> </p><p>“Finn, don’t say that. Of course we’ll see each other again. You <em> are </em> my family. You’re right, you’ve been family since the beginning. But it doesn’t change the fact that Ben is my family too. He’s my home and I will go wherever he goes.” </p><p> </p><p>This was hurting too much. Rey clutched at her middle as she fought back tears, sobs, everything. This wasn’t how she wanted to leave things with her closest friend. Her brother. </p><p> </p><p>But he had a point. When would they see each other again? Would it ever be safe enough for them to visit each other? </p><p> </p><p>Finn shook his head. “Please don’t go, Rey. Please.”</p><p> </p><p>“She’s made up her mind, Finn.” </p><p> </p><p>Rey’s eyes shot back to the cockpit door and saw Ben’s looming figure coming closer, his expression tight.</p><p> </p><p>Finn stood up straight, glaring at Ben. “Don’t forget about what we talked about back in your cell.” Then he strode away, back to the cockpit.</p><p> </p><p>Ben stood frozen, staring at the spot where Finn stood seconds before.</p><p> </p><p>“What did you talk about before? With Finn?” The way Finn had said it seemed ominous and it made Rey worry. She found herself dreading and needing the answer. Her stomach twisted, having a fairly clear idea of what Finn wanted him to do.</p><p> </p><p>Ben started and met Rey’s eyes. He shook his head once, “It doesn’t matter. I’m not doing what he said anyways.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey narrowed her eyes at the deflection but held out her hand to him. If he wasn’t going to do what Finn wanted anyway, perhaps she didn’t need to pry.</p><p> </p><p>But the old fears of abandonment were still strong and Rey had to know.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben. What did he want you to do?”</p><p> </p><p>Her bondmate came closer, shame coloring his expressive face. He refused to meet her eyes as he answered. “He wanted me to leave you behind.”</p><p> </p><p>Everything inside of her iced over. “Oh?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben nodded and met her eyes. “I’ll be honest with you, because you deserve it.” He stepped closer to her. “I almost agreed. Because as much as I hate it, Finn is right. But I know now that I could never do it. I’m too weak. I don’t want to live a life without you in it, Rey.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben took her hand and pulled her in close. His massive hands held her face steady as he wiped tears that she didn’t know she’d shed with his broad thumbs. He regarded her for a second, gauging to see if she was alright.</p><p> </p><p>She wasn’t. But it didn’t matter too much to her at the moment. He’d almost decided to leave her behind but he changed his mind. Rey felt rage at the possibility and relief that it wasn’t going to come to pass. </p><p> </p><p>He wouldn’t go anywhere without her.</p><p> </p><p>“We’re landing soon,” Ben said softly, chest rumbling against hers. She rested her head near his heart and listened to it’s strong beat. It reminded her of all they’d been through to get to this point and brought her much needed reassurance. </p><p> </p><p>Rey nodded and closed her eyes, focused on calming herself. She needed to keep it together so that she could say goodbye to everyone.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Not long after the confrontation in the hold, the small freighter settled in a sector some hundreds of kilometers away from the section of 1313 they’d started out in.</p><p> </p><p>There was a heaviness in the room as Poe powered down the ship.</p><p> </p><p>Finn remained on the far side of the cockpit, refusing to look at Rey and occasionally sending dark glares to Ben. Rey wished that her closest and oldest friend would see her side of things. The last thing she wanted was for them to part on bad terms. </p><p> </p><p>But Rey was quickly losing hope that Finn would come through for her.</p><p> </p><p>Chewie stood first and then Poe quickly followed, shooting Finn and Rey pointed looks as he left the room. </p><p> </p><p>Ben glanced down at Rey and rose a dark brow.</p><p> </p><p><em> I’ll be out in a moment, </em> she told him. <em> I need to make things right with Finn before we go. </em></p><p> </p><p>Ben pursed his lips but said nothing. Eventually he sighed and nodded while standing to leave. </p><p> </p><p><em> I’ll be outside, </em> he finally said and followed the others with their small bags and her datapad in tow.</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt nervous, though she was not the one who had lost their temper. She just wanted for her and Finn to resume the easy friendship they’d enjoyed before this whole Coruscant debacle went down. Or, if she was being truly honest with herself, since before the battle of Exegol…</p><p> </p><p>Gathering her courage, Rey rose and made her way to the spot where Finn still sat.</p><p> </p><p>His dark eyes met hers when she stood before him.</p><p> </p><p>“We will see each other again,” she said quietly, determined to make it so.</p><p> </p><p>Finn snorted and rolled his eyes. “You can’t say that. You don’t know if you can. Or if <em> he </em> would let you come to me.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey inhaled angrily and grit her teeth. “Don’t talk about Ben like that, like he’s some monster. You know he’s changed or else you never would have agreed to free him. Besides, Ben has no more say over me than I, him. Ben won’t ever stop me from seeing the people I love. And if he were to have a problem, <em> which he won’t </em>, I wouldn’t ever let it stop me.”</p><p> </p><p>That gave Finn pause. He stared up at her with an incomprehensible look in his eyes. “I just want you to be safe, Rey. That’s all I want.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey sat down next to him and took his warm hands into hers. “I know, Finn. And I truly appreciate that you care so much. But I need you to know that I will be safe with Ben. As long as we’re together, he and I will be safe.”</p><p> </p><p>Finn inhaled and then exhaled heavily in a sigh. “You can’t say that either, Rey. Because you’re going to be hunted every day for the rest of your life.”</p><p> </p><p>She nodded. He was right, she knew that her life was going to be one danger after another once she left with Ben. But it still didn’t change anything.</p><p> </p><p> “I know. But I'll be alright.”</p><p> </p><p>“What about the training school you wanted to set up? What about training me? You can’t do that if you go with him. I thought that was your dream… I thought you wanted to uphold Skywalker’s legacy.” Finn seemed determined to throw everything at Rey, hoping to find something that would make her stay.</p><p> </p><p>This particular one hurt Rey. She was abandoning people who needed her, people like her who longed to find their place in the galaxy with powers very few people understood anymore. And Finn was among the lost. </p><p> </p><p>Rey closed her eyes and tried to ignore the guilt that was building up. She felt like she was abandoning a sacred duty that was entrusted to her. After all, Luke and Leia had entrusted the task to her when they gave her their name. But at the same time, she knew that she needed to go with Ben. The Force urged her to go with him. Almost as strongly as it had urged her up the steps of Ahch-To a month ago.</p><p> </p><p>Besides, she had a feeling…</p><p> </p><p>“Perhaps things will change. I don’t know how to explain it, but I have a feeling that things won’t always be so dangerous for Ben and I.” She wrapped her arms around her waist. “Maybe one day I’ll be able to start that school and Ben will be able to help me.” She exhaled shakily, “Maybe one day I’ll be a proper teacher to you then, Finn.”</p><p> </p><p>Finn said nothing. The fight seemed to go out of him, as though he was finally accepting that Rey wouldn’t be changing her mind.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m really not going to change your mind, am I?” he asked her with a sadness that radiated through the Force and struck her straight in the heart.</p><p> </p><p>Rey smiled brokenly. “No. My mind has been made up.”</p><p> </p><p>Her friend’s eyes dropped down to the floor panels and he nodded. “Did I ever stand a chance?” His question was so soft that Rey wasn’t sure he meant for her to hear it.</p><p>She decided to answer anyway.</p><p> </p><p>“Finn…” she trailed, chewing her lip and trying not to let shame prevent her from being honest with him. He deserved her honesty if nothing else.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben and I...” she started, unsure of how to explain without hurting him further, “They way things are for us, I don’t think anyone else could have compared.” She cut off, cursing herself for her thoughtlessness when Finn drooped further. </p><p> </p><p>“What I mean is, as long as I can remember, there was always something inside me. It...was far. So far that it felt unreachable for nineteen years. But it was always there. And…” she swallowed and pressed on. “I didn’t realize until I’d met him, that that part was Ben and our bond. That part of me unlocked and blossomed when we broke into each other’s minds. And now I know that Ben will be the only person for me.”</p><p> </p><p>She shrugged, still not feeling like she was explaining it well enough. “Even if I wanted to be with someone else, even if he wanted to be with someone else, I don’t think we could. We’re so bound to each other that it would be impossible.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Rey finished lamely. How else could one go about letting their best friend who was in love with them down easily?</p><p> </p><p>Finn looked away, “I think I understand…” He said it with reluctant acceptance and then continued. “I kind of figured that I didn’t stand a chance when I realized why you’d been acting the way you were after Exegol. It was one of the reasons why I got so mad when you first got here.” </p><p> </p><p>Then he turned to her, eyes sad, lips upturned in a small smile. “I’m sorry too.”</p><p> </p><p>He held his hand out to Rey. “Friends?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey laughed at that, relieved that he was being so accepting. “We’ll always be friends, Finn. Always.”</p><p> </p><p>She took his hand and he shook it before pulling her into a hug.</p><p> </p><p>“Well…” Finn hesitated and then nodded to himself. “If you promise to keep yourself safe, I think I can be alright with you leaving us.”</p><p> </p><p>“I promise,” she said earnestly. </p><p> </p><p>Then Finn’s face broke out into one of his real smiles and he pulled her into an even tighter hug. “I’m gonna miss you, Peanut.”</p><p> </p><p>A sob broke free from Rey’s chest, one she didn’t know was waiting there. “I’m going to miss you too, Finn. We’ll stay in touch. I promise.”</p><p> </p><p>He released her and they made their way to the boarding ramp where the others waited. </p><p> </p><p>Poe stood closest to the ramp and gave Finn a short nod when he saw them. Chewie and Ben, with her bag and his black one by his side, were talking quietly. It looked like they were in the middle of saying goodbye. </p><p> </p><p>Rey didn’t want to interrupt the moment between uncle and nephew, so she went to Poe instead. </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know if I can ever thank you enough for this, Poe. You’ve done so much for me in the past week and I appreciate it—” she was cut off as Poe swooped in and yanked her into a hug.</p><p> </p><p>“You just stay safe, okay Sandstorm? That’s all I want.” He squeezed her tightly and then stepped back. “We’ll do what we can on our end to keep you guys safe out there.”</p><p> </p><p>More tears. “Thank you, Poe. You’re an amazing friend. Even if you are an ass sometimes.”</p><p> </p><p>Poe smirked one of his classics and shrugged, “I know. And I know I can count on you if we ever need you in the future.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey smiled, “Of course you can.” She pulled him in for one more hug. “I’ll miss you and your sarcasm, General Dameron.”</p><p> </p><p>Poe’s smirk widened and he bent forward into a little bow. “And I will miss you, Madam Jedi.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben moved in beside her and Rey grabbed his free hand. </p><p> </p><p>“What, no tracker, Dameron?” </p><p> </p><p>Poe rolled his eyes at Ben and shook his head. “No. No tracker today, Solo.” He gestured toward Rey. “I trust Rey to keep you in line.”</p><p> </p><p>He smiled, though not as warmly as he’d smiled at Rey. “Besides, if you go Dark again, I’m sure Rey will just kill you and be done with it.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben smiled tightly back. “She’ll keep me in line just fine.”</p><p> </p><p><em> She is right here, </em> she grumbled to herself. Ben’s brow quirked and sent his apologies through their bond. </p><p> </p><p>Poe and Ben held each other’s eyes, no longer enemies but not quite friends. “You better keep her safe, Solo.”</p><p> </p><p>“If you don’t, I’ll kill you myself,” Finn chimed in, stepping up to them and clapping a hand on Poe’s shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“Me too,” Poe agreed.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben regarded both men seriously. “If I fail, I’d welcome it.”</p><p> </p><p>He must have felt Rey’s outrage at his cavalier attitude towards her closest friend's death threats and added, “Though Rey is more than capable of taking care of herself.”</p><p> </p><p>He gestured to the place where the scar that bisected his cheek used to be, “She’s bested me more times than not, afterall.”</p><p> </p><p>The three of them shared a smile and then the conversation went quiet.</p><p> </p><p>“Right, well,” Poe clapped once, “You two had better be off.”</p><p> </p><p>“I agree,” Ben replied.</p><p> </p><p>Rey had one last person to say goodbye to though. She ran to Chewie who held his arms wide open for her. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m going to miss you, Chewie,” she whispered into his soft fur.</p><p> </p><p><em> “We’ll see one another again soon, Sunshine. </em>”</p><p> </p><p>Rey sniffed and pulled back. “Good,” she said. “I’ll hold you to it.”</p><p> </p><p>Chewie had one more thing to add. <em> “Take care of Ben for me, will you? He’s still fragile and will need you more than ever to find his bearings in the Light.” </em></p><p> </p><p>“Of course. I’ll take care of him.”</p><p> </p><p>Chewie smiled and patted her shoulder. He shared one last look with his nephew before nodding and heading back to the cockpit. </p><p> </p><p>Rey released a deep breath and gathered herself. She steadied her presence in the Force and then grabbed Ben’s free hand once more. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m ready,” she said, heart and mind full of determination. Saying goodbye to her friends was not easy by any means. But the fact that she would be with Ben made it far easier than she could have hoped. Still, it was a bittersweet moment.</p><p> </p><p>He raised her hand to his lips and kissed it softly. They ignored Poe’s sounds of disgust.</p><p> </p><p>“Let’s go.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> The exhaustion began seriously setting in about an hour after Rey and Ben left the small ship filled with her friends behind.</p><p> </p><p>She shouldn’t be surprised. It was well after 03:00 at this point. She couldn’t bear to look at the chrono on her wrist to confirm.</p><p> </p><p>But surprisingly, there were still many lifeforms crowding the streets of sector 0-1008 of level 1313. Perhaps that was why Poe had selected it.</p><p> </p><p>No one would find it suspicious that they were still out and about at this hour. </p><p> </p><p>Her nose picked up on a particularly wonderful scent and Rey began drifting off in the direction of the smell. Her stomach gave a wild rumble and she rolled her eyes. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t eaten anything earlier. In fact, she’d eaten so much she was sure that she would burst out of her gown. </p><p> </p><p>Thankfully that hadn’t happened. </p><p> </p><p>Rey spotted a busy food stall close by and as soon as she confirmed that’s where the scent was coming from, she altered course and made her way to the counter.</p><p> </p><p>She was hungry and she knew Ben was starving. His stomach growled multiple times though he’d refused to acknowledge it.</p><p> </p><p>“Let’s grab some food” she suggested, pulling him close behind her as she approached the line of beings clamoring to get a bowl of steaming something.</p><p> </p><p>“I have enough credits to cover our lodging tonight and supplies, but I think we can spare a few to get some food into you,” she explained as they waited their turn. “So please, don’t say you’re not hungry when I know for a fact that you are in order to save what we have.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s brows pulled together and he shook his head slightly.  “Rey, what are you talking about?”</p><p> </p><p>Now it was Rey’s turn to raise her brows in question. “What do you mean? I was just telling you about our current financial situation.”</p><p> </p><p>This time, Ben smiled, “You don’t need to worry about our financial shortcomings.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey thought that was an incredibly stupid thing to say and opened her mouth to protest it when Ben turned back to her and leaned in close.</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t need to worry about it because we’re going to have plenty.”</p><p> </p><p>Did he just imply that they were going to be stealing? Because Rey couldn’t see any other explanation.</p><p> </p><p>Ben must have noticed her thunderous expression because he leaned in again to quickly explain. “I’ve still got access to the First Order coffers.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s eyes went wide and she felt her mouth go slack.</p><p> </p><p>“What?” she hissed, “How?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben shrugged. “I have no clue. But it’s my intention to drain them and donate the money to several charities and Hosnian Displacement funds. And I’m going to keep a little for us until we can get access to my mother’s reserves.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ben…” Rey whispered, “That’s wonderful that you’re going to do that, but we don’t need any of the money. Not even your mother’s.”</p><p> </p><p>He took her hand in his and held it close to his heart. “I don’t want you to want for anything when you’re with me. Besides, the money is technically mine and what good would it do sitting around?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey pursed her lips, “You could donate it too.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben nodded, “True. But I don’t know how we’re going to make enough money to live on while we’re on the run. And if we were to have children someday—” he cut off and flushed.</p><p> </p><p>Rey flushed too. Children? Is that something he wanted? She thought for a moment. Was that something that she wanted? Would it even be safe with the life they were about to lead?</p><p> </p><p>“Rey,” Ben said hesitantly, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I shouldn’t have assumed that you wanted something like that.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey stepped into Ben’s embrace. “Don’t apologize. Ben, really it’s okay. I just haven’t given it much thought. But…” she looked up and forced him to meet her eyes, “I’m not saying no to children. Not yet, at least.” Her shoulders lifted into a shrug as she looked down, feeling a little awkward.</p><p> </p><p>“Perhaps one day we’ll feel safe enough to bring a little Solo into the world.” Rey lifted her eyes and smiled shyly. </p><p> </p><p>And strangely enough, imaging a little dark haired baby in her arms filled her with strange longing and excitement. Perhaps that was something she’d want in the future.</p><p> </p><p>Ben smiled back and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.</p><p> </p><p>They reached the front of the line, where a grisled human stood waiting for their order.</p><p> </p><p>Rey stepped forward and ordered two bowls of his specialty. Some sort of broth filled with long, thin noodles and topped with synth protein and vegetables. Ben stepped back and tried to find a shadowed spot nearby where they could eat.</p><p> </p><p>She took the bowls from the man with a short nod of thanks and made her way to where Ben stood hidden in the shadows. </p><p> </p><p>The food smelled delicious. Steam billowed off the top of the bowls and overwhelmed Rey’s senses. Her stomach gave a loud rumble and she quickened her pace. If she was this hungry then Ben must be completely ravenous.</p><p> </p><p>And sure enough, as soon as the bowl was in his hands, he began slurping noodles and broth with vigor. Rey giggled through her own slurps. </p><p> </p><p>Ben paused, “What?”</p><p> </p><p>She giggled again, “Nothing. I just thought the son of Leia Organa and a self-proclaimed<em> gentleman </em> would eat with a little more decorum than what you’re displaying now.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben scowled good-naturedly. “Please, you know which of us displays more <em> decorum </em> as you put it. And it’s definitely not you. Most meals you reminded me of a starved rancor.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey gasped and batted his shoulder, “Take that back!” </p><p> </p><p>Ben chuckled, “A very cute rancor, okay?” He plopped a slice of the synth meat into his mouth and smiled down at her, eyes twinkling.</p><p> </p><p>She rolled her eyes. “Still not much better. But I have an excuse. I grew up where none of that mattered and the faster you ate, the less likely it would be taken from you.” She nudged his hip and made him spill a little bit of the savory broth. “What’s your excuse?”</p><p> </p><p>The amusement faded from Ben’s expression, eyes taking on a haunted cast, “This is the first time I’ve eaten in over twenty-four standard hours.”</p><p> </p><p>Immediately the smile slipped from Rey’s face and familiar anger pooled in her gut. </p><p> </p><p>Those monsters. </p><p> </p><p>Not only had Ben been beaten by the guards charged to keep watch over him, but they’d denied him his meals? She clenched her free hand tightly into a fist. </p><p> </p><p>Darkness swirled within, begging to be released on those who’d caused Ben pain. Those creatures had better hope to never encounter Rey because she would make them pay. She would find them and make them feel every bit of pain that they caused Ben. She would—</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s warm hand slipped over the clenched fist and his touch relaxed it until their hands knitted together. His touch soothed her and gave her much needed control over the darkness.</p><p> </p><p>Their eyes met, his worried and hers horrified. </p><p> </p><p>She thought the darkness had been burned away when she had defeated her grandfather. But apparently she’d just done an exceptional job of locking it away. The horror faded into shame. The shock of how easily the darkness broke through consumed her. </p><p> </p><p>Of course it hadn’t gone away. She was the granddaughter of the most reviled Sith lord to have existed. His darkness was encoded in her DNA, attached firmly to every cell of her being. The darkness would always be there. It would always be lurking in the recesses of her mind, her soul. </p><p> </p><p>Light pierced through the darkness that had wrapped itself around her. Rey blinked the fog away to find Ben holding her close, their bowls discarded on the dirty ground next to them. </p><p> </p><p>“We’ll help each other through the darkness, Rey,” Ben murmured as he pressed a soft kiss to the crown of her head. “I won’t let you fall, just like I know you won’t let me.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey nodded into his shoulder, feeling the Light flood her senses and disperse the dark. “I know.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben pulled back and examined her intently. “Should we find a place to sleep?”</p><p> </p><p>He was trying to keep her distracted from the brief spell she’d allowed herself to fall into and she was grateful for it.</p><p> </p><p>Besides, she was absolutely exhausted. And from the looks of it, so was Ben. He had dark, bruise-like shadows under his eyes, giving him a half-haunted cast and his shoulders sagged slightly. </p><p> </p><p>Some sleep would do them some good.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” she agreed with a tired nod, “Let’s go find somewhere to hole up in for the night.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Not long after their late night meal, Rey had located a hotel that looked reputable enough, but not so reputable that they required identification. Rey made Ben wait in the alley adjacent to the lodging while she paid for the room and acquired the room chip for access. </p><p> </p><p>Ben didn’t like waiting away from her, but Rey couldn’t risk him being recognized and he knew that. So he begrudgingly accepted the terms and waited as patiently as a Solo could.</p><p> </p><p>Which was not incredibly patient, but Rey appreciated the effort anyway.</p><p> </p><p> When everything was finally squared away, she called for him through the bond and had him meet her at one of the back turbolifts. </p><p> </p><p>They rode the lift to one of the middle floors and luckily did not run into any of the hotel patrons on their way to their small suite. </p><p> </p><p>It was nearing four in the morning now. But with how crowded the streets of 1313 were at this hour, Rey wouldn’t have been surprised if the hallways of the hotel matched.</p><p> </p><p>She leaned into Ben’s steady presence, still not quite believing that he was actually there with her, and reached for the panel with the room chip in hand. The dinged up blastdoor chirped brightly and slid open, revealing a large bed with clean, if somewhat worn looking bedding, a small loveseat and a desk in the corner of the room. </p><p> </p><p>Her feet led her into the depths of the room, where she stopped at the foot of the bed. Rey leant down and lightly felt at the bedding. It was softer than she anticipated, reminding her of cool silk and running water.</p><p> </p><p>Rey slowly turned to face Ben, who stood tall and regarded her with a look of complete amazement, as though he still didn’t believe that they were together again. That they had made it out of the horrible ordeal of the last week. The look on his face reflected her sentiment perfectly. </p><p> </p><p>They were together again. And she knew that they would never willingly part. The dyad was reunited at last. </p><p> </p><p>Guilt would not separate them ever again. That was not to say that Ben’s afflictions were gone. No, they still lingered. Rey could sense Ben’s demons, but they were subdued now and she knew that Ben would not allow those feelings of regret and remorse propel him into such danger again. Instead, they would fuel his quest for redemption, adding to the fire of determination to correct his wrongs. </p><p> </p><p>And Rey would be by his side, helping him. </p><p> </p><p>Ben finally stepped forward deeper into the room. He watched her, never breaking eye contact, as he tossed their bags onto the little loveseat and made his way over to where she stood. </p><p> </p><p>The exhaustion evaporated instantly, replaced with something heady and electrified.</p><p> </p><p>The closer Ben got, the more Rey felt as though the oxygen was being sucked from the room, her chest rising and falling more and more rapidly to meet demand. Her mouth went dry as Ben stopped before her, leaning down to grab her hand. Her tongue flicked out to wet her lips and Ben’s eyes followed the motion, darkening as he lifted her hand to place a gentle kiss on it.</p><p> </p><p>Rey could hear her pulse thunder in her ears and she felt that deep, needful longing revive, having forgotten that feeling in the fears and worries of the past week. </p><p> </p><p>The need burned through her, leaving her feeling parched and wasted away. Only Ben could sate the need. Only Ben could slake her thirst. </p><p> </p><p>He kissed her hand again, this time more fervently and Rey trembled, feeling something stir inside. </p><p> </p><p>“Rey,” Ben whispered against the inside of her wrist, “We should get some rest.” He said this unconvincingly, as though he knew that rest would be the last thing they would be doing right now. </p><p> </p><p>The hunger within grew. “I’m not tired anymore,” she responded, her voice growing breathy as Ben continued. He travelled up to her exposed shoulder and pressed another kiss there. She shuddered in pleasure as he skimmed her collarbone and pressed another kiss to the soft skin of her neck.</p><p> </p><p>“Maker, you’re so beautiful.” He continued his attentions on her neck and jawline while his hands gently wrapped around her slim waist. Rey flushed at the compliment, eyes fluttering closed. </p><p> </p><p>Rey pulled Ben closer to her, feeling every inch of him pressed against her. She felt his hardened length press against her lower abdomen and shivered with want. One of Ben’s hands traveled down her back and around the curve of her rear, hitching her closer to him. She gasped, opening her eyes and meeting his darkened gaze. </p><p> </p><p>The passion in his eyes was still restrained, as though he was asking for her permission to go further. Rey bit at her lower lip and nodded slightly. “I want this,” she whispered. “I want <em> you.” </em></p><p> </p><p>Once again, that look of incredulous amazement crossed Ben’s face. The awe was quickly overshadowed by his need for her and he surged forward, capturing her lips with his heated ones.</p><p> </p><p>They crashed together, kissing feverishly as their hands roved, exploring places that they’d once been careful to avoid. The thrill of the kiss left Rey dizzy, their mutual need for each other reverberating through their bond. Never before had Ben been so direct, so unrestrained with his desire. Not even in the times when they’d come even remotely  near to uniting their flesh as one. His passion for her overwhelmed Rey, surprising and exciting her all at once. Rey responded in kind, her hands knotted through the thick dark masses of his hair even as his massive hands cupped her round buttocks. </p><p> </p><p>Ben pulled away, eyes black and pupils blown, his lips swollen and red from Rey’s ministrations. His hand found the clasp of her aurodium plated belt, “May I?” he asked her almost shyly. </p><p> </p><p>Rey would have laughed at his endearing behavior if she wasn’t already half out of her mind with need. She nodded fervently, “Please,” she nearly begged him, and grabbed his other hand to place it on the zipper of the deep green gown. </p><p> </p><p>There was too much fabric, too much material between them and it needed to be gone. </p><p> </p><p>She tried to remain still as the belt dropped to the ground and found it even more difficult to remain still as Ben slowly unzipped the back of the gown. The weight of the skirt helped to pull the bodice down with it and gooseflesh rose on her skin as it met with the cooler air of their room.</p><p> </p><p>Rey was suddenly very grateful to Rose and Kaydel, who’d forced her to order the silken undergarments she now wore.  </p><p> </p><p>The expression on Ben’s face alone was well worth the price of the flimsy things.</p><p> </p><p>She felt warmth spread across her chest and face and suddenly felt the urge to cover herself. She fought against it. It wasn’t as though Ben hadn’t already seen this much of her before. </p><p> </p><p>Rey remembered the days on the small sandy Ahch-To beach, where she’d worn her underthings in front of him while they swam, hoping that it might provoke this very reaction she was getting from him now.</p><p> </p><p>Ben seemed to be struggling with the same affliction she currently suffered from. His chest, still covered in a blasted shirt she noted with annoyance, was rising and falling rapidly. Rey stepped forward more boldly than she felt. </p><p> </p><p>Slowly, her fingers found the buttons of his shirt and began undoing each one. Ben’s eyes closed as her fingers gently traced the hard lines of muscles as she progressed to the final few buttons.</p><p> </p><p>When she finished, she stood tall and caressed his cheek. She pressed kisses along Ben’s jaw while he shrugged the black shirt off. The black piece of clothing fell to the floor like an inky pool and Rey stepped over it to get closer to Ben. Her hands spanned his broad shoulders and then came to rest on his smooth chest. She surged up on her toes and captured his lips once more, feeling a delicious heat begin to curl in her lower abdomen.</p><p> </p><p>As if she weighed nothing, Ben lifted Rey and placed her gently in the center of the bed and kneeled over her carefully, never breaking their kiss. Rey felt a thrill rise in her at their new position--especially with Ben’s knee placed between her parted thighs.</p><p> </p><p>Her underwear grew damp and she felt the coil wrap tighter in her center.</p><p> </p><p>He pulled back momentarily and stared down at her, his eyes still questioning. Rey nearly rolled her eyes and tried to pull him down to continue their explorations when she got the distinct impression he needed to ask her a question.</p><p> </p><p>Rey pushed up on her elbows and watched Ben curiously. His face was flushed pink, his ears a vivid red. He cleared his throat quietly. “Do you have an implant?” he asked softly with a voice that should not smolder so.</p><p> </p><p>She nodded. “I got one while I was with the Resistance, about a year ago. They were standard issue…” she trailed and looked at him with a cocked head. “Do you?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben gulped and shook his head. “No. The act that required the implant wasn’t exactly something I wanted to partake in while Snoke was in my head.”</p><p> </p><p>Her eyes grew wide at the implication. “Are—are you still a…” she cleared her throat, positive that her face was on fire now. “You mean to say you’ve never...<em> been </em> with anyone?”</p><p> </p><p>The dark haired behemoth clenched his jaw and dipped his head, as though embarrassed. “No. I haven’t” he replied tersely. Then he met her eyes sheepishly, “So you’ll have to be patient with me…”</p><p> </p><p>She couldn’t believe her ears. Did he actually think that <em> she </em> had slept with other people in the past? Did he not remember the first day on the beach where she all but explicitly said she was a virgin? </p><p> </p><p>Solo men and their thick skulls. </p><p> </p><p>Despite herself, she laughed, which prompted Ben to frown. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry,” she apologized while sobering up. “It’s just, you think I’ve actually been with other men. And I thought I had made it clear a while back that I haven’t.” </p><p> </p><p>She smiled at him then, eyes bright. “Ben, you’d be my first.”</p><p> </p><p>The awe in his expression returned and Ben leaned down to place a soft kiss on her lips. “And you, mine.” </p><p> </p><p>He pulled back again, still looking unsure.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey…” he started hesitantly, “I have no idea what to do.” He blanched and tried to explain. “I mean, I know how the mechanics of it work. That’s no problem. But I know that I’m supposed to do more...for you.” He looked down and Rey could sense his embarrassment twisting through the bond.</p><p> </p><p>Now Rey sat up fully, reaching out to lay a comforting hand on him. “Ben, it’s alright.” She guided him to look at her and she smiled softly again. “I don’t really know what to do either. But we’re going to figure it out. Together.” She raised her brows in earnest and it seemed to relax him a bit.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” he agreed, “together.”</p><p> </p><p>They stared into each other’s eyes for several heartbeats, the heated feelings reigniting as hazel mixed with amber. </p><p> </p><p>Ben leant toward Rey slowly and sealed his lips over hers, his tongue sliding slowly over her lips. She opened her mouth almost instinctively and their kiss deepened. </p><p> </p><p>Their coming together intensified until the need consumed her. All she could think of was how badly she needed him closer to her, how she needed him to fill every part of her. She wanted him—<em> needed </em> him so desperately that she felt she would go mad.</p><p> </p><p>Ben filled her senses but it wasn’t enough. Rey needed more.</p><p> </p><p>She slid his massive hand down from her shoulder to one of her breasts and smiled against his lips as he stilled for a moment before relaxing. Soon, his hand was gently kneading the tender mound. His thumb grazed over her nipple and she hissed at the feel of it through the thin material. </p><p> </p><p>“Take it off,” she demanded and Ben obliged.</p><p> </p><p>The brassiere was tossed off the side of the bed carelessly as Ben took in the sight of Rey lying beneath him, bare chested. The pleasure of witnessing Ben’s lust darkened eyes rake over her form was just enough to keep her from tearing the rest of his clothes off. She waited patiently for him to return to himself and was paid handsomely for it.</p><p> </p><p>He bent down and replaced his hand over the bare skin of her breast and she shivered at the warmth of his palm. His forefinger and thumb rolled her small, beaded nipple and she arched into him, a breathy moan escaping her. </p><p> </p><p>Almost instinctively, she ground down on Ben’s thigh and an explosion of sensation filled her. </p><p> </p><p>More. She needed more of him. </p><p> </p><p>Her fingers fumbled for his pants and he quickly undid them and pulled them off. </p><p> </p><p>She felt the wetness between her legs increase while a delicate throbbing accompanied the sensation. </p><p> </p><p>“Ben,” she breathed, almost overcome. “I need you.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey pressed her legs together to try to relieve the pressure building there. “Please,” she begged.</p><p> </p><p>Ben nodded hastily and moved to be over top of her once more. “Whatever you want, sweetheart.”</p><p> </p><p>He slid her underwear past the curve of her hips and down her thighs, his touch once again raising gooseflesh. </p><p> </p><p>Though it was only seconds, it felt like lifetimes before Ben was over her again. Their eyes held each other as Ben placed himself at her center, basking in the love they shared, marveling at the sense of completion their union brought. Time slowed and everything was Ben Solo. Every fiber of her being was filled with him. He was perfect. They were perfect. </p><p> </p><p>They came together then, united as one, moving together at first awkwardly but quickly developing a pleasing rhythm. Their bond hummed, growing stronger, as though Rey could pluck it out of the air and place it in her heart. </p><p> </p><p>The world could have burned around them and nothing could have stopped this.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Rey drifted in and out after she and Ben exhausted themselves. She was vaguely aware of the stickiness of sweat coating both their bare bodies, though it didn’t bother her enough to get out and step into the sonic shower their room provided. </p><p> </p><p>Instead, Rey buried herself further into Ben’s arms, relishing in his warm scent. He snored lightly and she smiled at the endearing sound. She traced the sharp planes of his jaw and then nose, feeling more at peace, more at home than she could ever remember. Her fingers dove into the black curls of his head and combed through gently, enjoying the feel of his soft waves. Ben stirred slightly and smiled in his sleep, sending Rey’s heart into an explosion of pure joy. </p><p> </p><p>How could it be that she’d found such perfection? And how was it that this perfection was all hers? And she knew it more surely than ever before that Ben was hers. Her partner. Her lover. Her bondmate.</p><p> </p><p>Rey laid back and relaxed in the steady warmth of his chest, content to fall asleep again.</p><p> </p><p>She adjusted slightly and winced at the soreness between her legs.</p><p> </p><p>Perhaps they had been too eager in their need to come together. But she wouldn’t have had it any other way. </p><p> </p><p>Besides, she thought with a hum, there would be plenty of time for them to master this new art. And she knew that they would.</p><p> </p><p>For now though, Rey settled back into the comfort that surrounded her and fell asleep, happy to let the day go by in Ben Solo’s arms.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>REY AND BEN ARE FINALLY TOGETHER!!! </p><p>REY AND BEN FINALLY DID IT!</p><p>Finn is still being a butt but he's coming around. Poe is just like, whatever makes you happy, girl and Chewie is being the gruff yet secretly soft uncle. I love it.</p><p>One last shameless plug. If you are on Tumblr, go find me! I just joined and plan to have my Tumblr page be an extension of my AO3 page. You can ask me questions, suggest prompts, give me feedback. Whatever you want!</p><p> <br/> <a href="https://www.tumblr.com/blog/stormblessed-skywalker">stormblessed-skywalker</a></p><p>If the link didn't work, copy and paste:<br/>https://www.tumblr.com/blog/stormblessed-skywalker</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0032"><h2>32. Undeniable Proof</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Okay guys, here we go. The last chapter. Ahhh!!! After this, all we have left is the epilogue and then that's all folks.</p><p>This has been a story I've been working on since December 26th, after the second time that I saw tRoS in theaters. It has been a labor of love. It's been my passion project and if I'm being honest, I'm super sad that I'm almost done and I kinda don't know what to do with myself when I'm finished.</p><p>Thank you to everyone who has read this story and especially to those of you who have commented and ESPECIALLY, especially those of you who commented on every chapter. You guys kept me going! You kept me motivated and excited to write. I hope to have the pleasure of your readership in future stories. </p><p>Thank you, thank you, thank you!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO: Undeniable Proof</p><p>
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</p><p>Ben woke up, completely overtaken by a bleary, sleep induced haze. He groaned softly as he stretched and tried to force himself awake. One quick check of the chrono on the desk told him it was just after 06:00 galactic standard time.</p><p> </p><p>He was exhausted. His muscles ached from the exertion of the previous night— from getting stuck in a garbage chute to racing through the dank sewers of the Coruscant underground and then lugging his and Rey’s pack kilometers through the undercity. Truth be told, he was more than a little embarrassed at the soreness he currently felt. He was a warrior after all. But what could he expect after being stuck in a cell for a week?</p><p> </p><p>The sleeping figure next to him nudged closer into his side, murmuring quietly in her sleep.</p><p> </p><p>Dark eyes drifted down to stare at the beautiful woman next to him. The one person he truly cared about in the galaxy now that his family was dead. The only person who could ever hold his heart. The only person that he was willing to live through the guilt for.</p><p> </p><p>Rey looked absolutely serene in the depths of sleep. </p><p> </p><p>She was perfect. Honestly, everything about her was perfect. From the way she smiled to the way she fought harder than anyone he knew for those she loved. He still couldn’t believe that he was one of those people. </p><p> </p><p>How? How could someone so brilliantly light and perfect love him? He still didn’t know. And in all likelihood, he never would. </p><p> </p><p>But he wouldn’t question it any longer. </p><p> </p><p>Because Ben Solo knew without a shadow of a doubt that Rey loved him. And he knew that she always would, just as he would always love her in return. </p><p> </p><p>It was impossible not to love her back. It had been futile to fight against it. A fight he knew that he’d lose the moment she shot at him in defiance during their first meeting on Takodana. He’d tried and failed and now he knew just how inevitable their coming together was. </p><p> </p><p>He didn’t know how futile it was to fight against his connection to her until it was almost too late. </p><p> </p><p>They were a dyad, two coming together to create a whole, perfect entity. Light and Dark, peace and chaos. </p><p> </p><p>His hand drifted over her bare shoulder and rested there for a moment before pulling the covers up to warm her. She shifted, seemingly content with the added warmth and Ben smiled, his heart seemingly fit to burst at such a simple expression. </p><p> </p><p>Stars above, how had he earned this woman’s love?</p><p> </p><p>Ben would have been content to watch Rey sleep for hours, but there was something very important he needed to do before they left Coruscant. </p><p> </p><p>With a resigned sigh and a sleepy protest from Rey, Ben rolled out of the bed and pulled his pants back on. The room was chilled—it seemed that the climate control didn’t work well here. It shouldn’t surprise him, seeing as they were staying in an ancient and run down, lower level hotel. It actually barely qualified as a hotel, he noted with distaste as he took in the shabby, threadbare blankets and sheets of their bed and the poorly repaired furniture that had clearly been broken several times in the past.</p><p> </p><p>Ben crept quietly to the cramped, unevenly tilted desk and eased himself into the creaking chair. He pulled Rey’s borrowed datapad from his pocket and set it before him. Staring at the black screen, he thought about what he should do.</p><p> </p><p>Or more accurately, <em> how </em> he should do it. Ben already knew exactly what to do. He was going to take Carise Sindian down.</p><p> </p><p>That woman was a cancer inserted by the First Order into an unsuspecting Republic. She needed to be removed from power before any more damage could be dealt to the fledgling government.</p><p> </p><p>Tapping against the screen harder than necessary, Ben gained access to the First Order networks and began sifting through the immeasurable data. He dove head first through old orders, reports and dossiers until he began finding hints of the truth he suspected the night that Carise Sindian had come to visit him in his cell nearly a week ago.</p><p> </p><p>He couldn’t help the small smile that stretched his lips after he compiled one document after another onto a datafile he planned to send out into the galaxy once his work was finished.</p><p> </p><p>Sindian would be behind bars before noon. </p><p> </p><p>All the injustice she purveyed, all the corruption she sowed in the hopes that she could reforge an Empire-esque sovereignty would be put to a stop the moment Ben’s dossier made its way into the hands of those who could do something about it.</p><p> </p><p>Dameron, for one, would be beyond thrilled.</p><p> </p><p>Once the news went public, nothing would be able to prevent Sindian getting the justice that she deserved.</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s eyes fell on a holovid link and he opened it, curious to see what it held.</p><p> </p><p>Blue-white images projected from the datapad and a slightly static voice emerged.</p><p> </p><p>Ben shuddered at the sound of a voice he thought that he would never have the misfortune of hearing again.</p><p> </p><p>The nasally, disdainful tone of Armitage Hux filled Ben’s ears.</p><p> </p><p>He watched the projection closely, taking note of Hux’s posture and Carise Sindian, who sat primly on the edge of a barely visible seat.</p><p> </p><p> “Lady Sindian,” Hux greeted shortly, “I trust that your mission went well?”</p><p> </p><p>Sindian inspected her nails. “Yes,” she replied offhandedly, “I believe the Supreme Leader will be satisfied with the result.” She set her hand on the synthwood desk in Hux’s old office and smirked at the general. “Organa has been neutralized, I saw to her fall from grace myself, General. She resigned from office less than twelve standard hours ago. And the Senate is in an uproar. I’d venture to say that I’ve started destabilizing the government far ahead of schedule.”</p><p> </p><p>Hux’s face twisted into a sneer, something that Ben guessed was the dead general’s best approximation of a smile, and he leaned forward. </p><p> </p><p>“The Supreme Leader will be mightily pleased.” </p><p> </p><p>He then promptly sat back and steepled his fingers on top of the desk. “Good. I expect a full report from you then. Return to Hosnian Prime to await further instruction. I will personally deliver the report to Supreme Leader Snoke and will be sure to have you notified if he has any new requests.”</p><p> </p><p>Hux stood and Sindian followed. “Thank you for your time, Lady Carise.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben stopped watching after that. It took him a moment to realize that he was shaking. </p><p> </p><p>So that was that, then. Full proof that Carise Sindian had imploded his mother’s senatorial career in the name of the First Order. Of course, she had all but confirmed her role in Leia Organa’s ruin, but now Ben knew with certainty. Ransolm Casterfo was not entirely to blame though he’d heard that Leia had forgiven him long ago for his role in her downfall. Sindian had pulled the strings from behind the scenes the whole time.</p><p> </p><p>The anger inside roared for him to serve Carise Sindian justice himself but he fought to control the impulse.  </p><p> </p><p>He saved the recording and added it to the files he meant to send out. </p><p> </p><p>As Ben dug deeper into the various files and documents regarding the current First Senator, the picture became more and more clear. </p><p> </p><p>Carise Sindian was a noble from Arkanis with ties to the Empire. Those ties led her to become an agent of the First Order, where she was assigned the duty of sowing unrest and distrust within the New Republic. </p><p> </p><p>One of her main tasks within that scheme was to destroy his mother’s credibility and career, if possible. Something she had definitely succeeded in. With a scowl, Ben realized that Sindian’s machinations had impacted him while he was still with his uncle on Yavin IV. </p><p> </p><p>Had she not exposed his mother’s parentage through Senator Ransolm Casterfo, would Ben have turned on his family only months later? How much might have been different? Anything? Nothing?</p><p> </p><p>He would never know. </p><p> </p><p>It was clear to him that the Sindian was able to stay away from suspicion from that point until Hosnian Prime, when the New Republic’s governmental seat was destroyed. Obviously, Sindian had been privy to the imminent attack and was off world when the Cataclysm occurred. She kept her distance from the First Order while still acting as an operative since she was one of the few surviving senators and began scheming to be in a high position when the First Order officially took its place as the governing power of the galaxy. When everything imploded just over two months ago, she wrote the First Order off and apparently began working to install herself as the First Senator of the newly reformed New Republic with no one aware of her ties to the war machine.</p><p> </p><p>Clearly she’d succeeded. Until now.  </p><p> </p><p>When Ben was satisfied he had enough evidence, he began compiling the files he found into one document and with a more than satisfied click, sent it out into the to Dameron, the head of the New Republic Security Force and a select number of reputable news outlets.</p><p> </p><p>Ben sat staring at the confirmation for a few moments, smiling smugly with the knowledge that Carise Sindian’s career was over. That she would be behind bars in just a few hours and that she would never be able to hurt anyone he cared about again.</p><p> </p><p>He wondered about what might happen to the New Republic with her out of office. </p><p> </p><p>The way it had been re-established was too reminiscent of it’s failed predecessors. Something had to change if the people of the galaxy wanted peace to last.</p><p> </p><p>He only hoped that his mother had instilled enough of her wisdom and idealism into Dameron and the other Resistance members who had proven themselves to her. </p><p> </p><p>It would be their responsibility now. </p><p> </p><p>His eyes burned. More than anything, Ben wanted to crawl back into bed and sleep with Rey tucked against his chest, but he had needed to get that document out before he and Rey left Coruscant for good. The temptation had struck him several times as he rapidly tapped away. He’d been close to dozing a few times.</p><p> </p><p>But now that he had finished, he was more than happy to crawl back into bed and fall asleep for a few hours. </p><p> </p><p>In fact, that was exactly what he was going to do. He’d more than earned a few more hours of sleep. They both had.</p><p> </p><p>A few more hours probably wouldn’t hurt their chances of getting off planet. And it was something he didn’t really want to think about right now, anyway.</p><p> </p><p>So with tired, leaden feet, he made his way back to bed. </p><p> </p><p>He paused a moment to appreciate the sight of his bondmate sleeping soundly before him. She looked completely at peace, slack face and smooth brow. </p><p> </p><p>Rey had curled in on herself, something she often did whenever Ben got up before she did. As soon as he slid back under the covers, he pulled her against his chest, taking in the sweet scent of her hair and relishing the dead weight of her head against his chest. She relaxed back into him before he succumbed to the pull of sleep and fell unconscious, smiling at the feel of his bondmate next to him..</p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>The warmth that surrounded Rey felt more complete than she could have ever imagined. </p><p> </p><p>She couldn’t remember feeling so perfectly wrapped in the realm of sleep before in her life. Not even during the weeks she and Ben had spent together on Ahch-To. </p><p> </p><p>Perhaps it was different now because they had finally united as one. Or perhaps it was the knowledge that they were going to find freedom at last. Or that she and Ben had finally reunited after a stressful and exhausting evening of escaping prison.</p><p> </p><p>Whatever the reason, Rey knew that she did not want to come out of the deep pocket of sleep any time soon. In fact, if she could stay there forever, she would be perfectly content.</p><p> </p><p>Unfortunately, it did not appear that she was going to get her way.</p><p> </p><p>It started out as a gentle caress across her bare shoulder and then grew to be a slight shake. She groaned and pulled away from whatever was rolling her shoulder around. </p><p> </p><p>The sensation followed and began dragging her through layers of exhaustion until finally she cracked open a sleep crusted eye to witness a sheepish looking Ben Solo pull back one of his massive hands with an apologetic smile.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry,” he whispered, “But it’s getting late and we really need to start making our way to that ship…”</p><p> </p><p>Rey only caught half of that with her mind feeling like it was stuffed full of cotton. </p><p> </p><p>“Wha’timeizit?” her words ran together as she stretched and tried to clear the sleep fog from her brain.</p><p> </p><p>Ben chuckled, his embarrassment at forcing her awake giving way to amusement. She liked the way his eyes crinkled when he was happy. And tired as she was, this time was no exception.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s a little after 10:00 standard,” he replied while reaching for her hand and helping her into a seated position. His thumb caressed her knuckles and she smiled at the gentle gesture Ben absently made. The trail of skin his fingers left tingled, hoping for more.</p><p> </p><p>“I know you’re still exhausted, but we really need to get going.” He sat down next to her and she scooted over to make more room for him. Her muscles protested, especially the muscles of her inner thighs. Rey suppressed a wince and tried to stretch. She yawned and nodded. Ben was right. They needed to hurry and get out of the hotel. The sooner they made it to the ship, the better. </p><p> </p><p>Honestly she was surprised that she got to sleep as late as she had. Rey had only expected to get around four hours of sleep before they were off again. Instead, she got nearly six. </p><p> </p><p>“S’alright,” she replied, the exhaustion still clearly evident through the rough quality of her voice. “Once we get off this blasted planet, I’ll try to get some more rest.” </p><p>Rey eyed Ben, taking in his own haggard appearance. His skin was clearly paler than usual and the dark circles under his eyes did not seem much better than they were before they slept last night. </p><p> </p><p>“Did <em> you </em> get any sleep, Ben?” Rey asked skeptically. He honestly looked like he slept maybe an hour or two. But that was impossible, because she would have woken if he’d been up, right? She typically had in the past.</p><p> </p><p>Ben nodded, “I did. Maybe an hour or two less than you, but I made sure to sleep for a time.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey eyed him but determined that he was being truthful, so instead she turned her attention to her state of undress. </p><p> </p><p>She was absolutely naked.</p><p> </p><p>After the night they shared, she shouldn’t feel so...so embarrassed to be bare before him. But as she moved to stand, she pulled the sheets with her, keeping her small chest covered along with the rest of her. Ben’s eyes flickered with something briefly before the expression disappeared and he turned his back, offering her the privacy she was not so subtly seeking.</p><p> </p><p>She huffed, unsure what to make of that reaction and annoyed at herself and that ridiculous sense of pointless modesty. So with no small amount of determination, she dropped the sheet, and hopped out of bed entirely nude. Rey chewed on the inside of her cheek in order to fight against the instinctive drive to keep herself covered and placed her hands on her hips as if to challenge Ben to turn and look. </p><p> </p><p>His shoulders tensed, so he definitely heard the sheets drop but hadn’t turned back to face her. </p><p> </p><p>She pursed her lips in annoyance. More at herself than anything for making the situation awkward. So with a quick inhale, she marched to Ben’s back and tapped him on the shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>He gave a slight jump and then peered hesitantly over the broad expanse of his shoulder down at her. The pinkness of his cheeks seemed darker in contrast to his pallid complexion. </p><p> </p><p>Rey quirked a brow. “Let’s be done with this awkwardness, Ben. We saw everything to be seen of each other last night. And,” she added with a hint of a smirk, “I hope to see it more often.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s expression turned rakish as he moved to face her. “As do I,” he replied with a smirk of his own.</p><p> </p><p>He leant down and placed a quick kiss on her lips, pulling away before Rey had the chance to deepen it. “But not right now.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey started protesting but was cut off by her bondmate. “As much as I would love to engage in those activities again <em> and right now </em>,” he spoke as if it pained him, “We’ve stayed here too long and we really need to get up to level 2500.”</p><p> </p><p>Her mouth snapped shut and Rey found herself nodding. Ben was right, of course. He was a wanted man and by extension, she was wanted too. They’d already overstayed and in doing so, increased the risk of being found.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll get dressed right away then,” she said as she marched toward her discarded bag. She reached it in record time and began pulling a navy blue tunic out.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey,” Ben called out in amusement, “You definitely have time to take a quick sonic if that’s what you want. I took one this morning before I got you up.”</p><p> </p><p>She paused in the middle of pulling on her navy leggings and stared up at him. “Promise you’re not just saying that because you know I want one? Because really, I’ll be fine to wait until we get to the ship--”</p><p> </p><p>Ben shook his head. “I promise that we have enough time for you to take a sonic shower before we leave.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey released her grip on the soft material that sat mid shin and sighed in relief. “Oh thank the Maker.”</p><p> </p><p>She stepped out of the pants and then started making her way to the small closet-like refresher. “You know, it’s funny. I spent nineteen years without regular showers and now I can’t stand it if I don’t wash every day.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben smiled sadly. He always grew solemn whenever Rey brought up her less than ideal circumstances. It was almost as though he wished that he could step into the past and remove her from the poverty she survived. “I promise that I will make sure that you have that opportunity every day for the rest of our lives.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey stopped short of the door and felt love for Ben Solo well up within. She looked back at him, feeling particularly tender towards him. “I know,” she replied softly with a sweet smile. </p><p> </p><p>“I love you, Ben Solo.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s amber eyes bore into hers and he closed the distance between them. He stopped so close that their chests almost touched. His massive hands cupped each side of her face and he leant down to place a soft kiss on her lips. </p><p> </p><p>“I love you too, Rey. More than you’ll ever know.” He swooped down and kissed her again, more deeply this time. She shivered at the feel of his hands on her shoulders and then shuddered with pleasure as they drifted down her bare back.</p><p> </p><p>Ben broke the kiss, hands wrapped around her waist and pulled away, eyes dark and desperate. “Now hurry and get in that shower before I really delay us.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s face broke out in a wide grin and she laughed before heading into the sonic.</p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>Just over an hour later, Ben and Rey were walking quickly through the crowds of Level 1313. </p><p> </p><p>They followed with the ebb and flow of the masses, sometimes drifting apart for a time and sometimes walking nearly hand in hand. They were making their way to the massive line of inter-level turbolifts that would be able to take them back up to Level 2500 where the ship waited for them in a docking bay.</p><p> </p><p>Ben estimated that it would take around four or so hours to walk there, though Rey wished they could take a speeder.</p><p> </p><p>She understood why they couldn’t. Speeders were almost always manned by droids with photoreceptors that would be recording everything and even if they were manned by an organic being, they would need to scan identity chips in order to transfer credits.</p><p> </p><p>So too many risks of Ben being identified and that was the absolute last thing she wanted.</p><p> </p><p>Which meant that they would be walking. For four hours.</p><p> </p><p>Rey knew that she was being ridiculous. She was used to activities lightyears more strenuous than merely walking.</p><p> </p><p>But being in the crowd and among the press of Coruscantis where at any moment, they could be discovered made her extremely uncomfortable. She tried to keep her posture relaxed, tried to match the downtrodden air those around her emanated but she wasn’t doing so well. In fact, Ben had needed to rest his hand against the crook of her elbow on several occasions over the past hour to help remind her to blend in.</p><p> </p><p>She nearly scoffed at that.</p><p> </p><p>As if Ben Solo had any right to do that at the moment. <em> He </em> currently was wearing a tusked mask that only highlighted his intimidating stature. He claimed that it was more important for him to keep his features covered than disguise his physicality and Rey supposed he had a point about that, though she was still annoyed at him for telling <em> her </em> to blend in more. At least there were several humanoid species that towered like he did, she thought with a quick glance around the street they worked through, though she couldn’t spot any that matched his brawn at the moment.</p><p> </p><p>Rey, while not quite so obvious, was wearing a hooded white vest over her navy tunic, a color that was notoriously <em> her </em> at the moment. Hopefully the fact that it was mixed with such a dark color would help offset the light tone. And she could only hope that the loose hair framing her face in combination with the vest’s hood would do enough to prevent anyone from recognizing her.</p><p> </p><p>Her gaze shifted from in front of her to her sides and then carefully behind to note if anyone was following them. When she didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary, Rey withheld a sigh of relief. </p><p> </p><p>Maybe they would make it out of here in one piece…</p><p> </p><p>A warm hand brushed hers and her fingers twitched to grab them. She restrained herself and settled for the brief warmth it brought her instead. </p><p> </p><p>Earlier, before they left their hotel room, she decided that it would be better for them to not appear as travelling companions in order to prevent the chance of either of them being identified. Ben didn’t like the idea but he was willing enough to go along with it.</p><p> </p><p>Her stomach clenched at the thought of separation and reminded herself firmly that this action was just a precaution. They were less likely to be recognized this way.</p><p> </p><p>Ahead, Rey could see the crowd thinning out into distinct lines and relief filled her. </p><p> </p><p>The interlevel turbolifts were ahead. Rey was more than eager to be away from level 1313. They had lingered there too long and she wasn’t sure if the feeling of being watched was paranoia or not.</p><p> </p><p>Most likely it was just the overbearing sense of wariness she’d honed on Jakku rising up. Still…</p><p> </p><p>She glanced over her shoulder and felt out in the Force for any sign or indication of them being followed.</p><p> </p><p>Still nothing.</p><p> </p><p>Rey worried her lip between her teeth. It appeared that she was just being paranoid.</p><p> </p><p>Reaching out through her and Ben’s bond, she touched on his mind lightly and found nothing that confirmed her worries.</p><p> </p><p>She sighed, feeling better and met Ben’s eyes over the heads of some weary looking Bith. He quirked a brow at her prodding and she shrugged. </p><p> </p><p><em> I thought we were maybe being followed but I couldn’t tell if I was being overly-suspicious or if it was real. So I skimmed over your emotions. </em>She flushed, feeling like she overstepped but Ben gave no indication that he agreed with the sentiment. Instead, he nodded and withdrew. His eyes grew focused and Rey felt Ben’s presence in the Force stretch out and search for any indication that they were being followed.</p><p> </p><p>A moment later, Rey felt him press softly on her mind and she opened herself up to him. </p><p> </p><p><em> I didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary, </em> he shrugged through their bond.</p><p> </p><p>Rey worried her lip yet again. <em> What if they’re concealing their presence from us? </em></p><p> </p><p>Her eyes slid to the left where she knew Ben walked and he looked back at her, full lips pursed. </p><p> </p><p>His baritone echoed within her mind softly. <em> Very few of us are ever trained anymore. Besides, </em> he added with a tinge of humor, <em> do you really think they’d be able to hide from us? </em></p><p> </p><p>Rey’s mouth downturned and she could hear Ben quietly laugh a few paces away. No, she supposed that very few if any Force-sensitives would be able to remain hidden from her and Ben. She rolled her eyes and didn’t answer.</p><p> </p><p>They both settled into separate lines to purchase their fare for the lifts, each carrying physical credits for the exchanges. While Rey waiting in her line, she couldn’t help but notice the excited tones of the conversations surrounding her. She tried to pay the words no mind, instead focusing on the emotions and feelings behind the various languages thrumming cacophonously in her ears.</p><p> </p><p>It was odd. The emotion she was detecting most obviously from the crowd around her was excitement accompanied with strong notes of scandalized surprise and smug satisfaction.</p><p> </p><p>What could be causing the general public to feel such emotions in tandem?</p><p> </p><p>Surely news of Ben’s escape would be causing unease rather than righteous pleasure?</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s eyes shifted around, observing the hundreds of beings in the vicinity. Some spoke animatedly together while others seemed completely enraptured by their datapads and holovids.</p><p> </p><p>She wasn’t close enough to see exactly what the devices were playing, but if she had to guess, she’d venture to say that they were all watching something that looked suspiciously like the same holonews clip.</p><p> </p><p>Unfortunately, Rey didn’t get to inspect any closer as it was her turn to purchase her ride up.</p><p> </p><p>“Destination?” a gruff looking Barabel demanded without looking at her.</p><p> </p><p>Rey licked her lips, feeling nervous. “Uh, I’d like passage to level 2500, please,” she replied.</p><p> </p><p>The Barabel hissed in annoyance. “That’z gonna cost you something pretty, human. It’z a long ride up from here.” The reptilian creature looked her up and down, as if to inspect her appearance to judge if she could afford the fare. “But it lookz like you can manage…” she trailed off with an appraising expression. </p><p> </p><p>Rey hid a grimace. Probably wasn’t often that a being who lived down this low could afford to dress the way she currently was. Nor was it likely many beings could afford to take a turbolift up over a thousand levels.</p><p> </p><p>Well...those engaged with the many crime syndicates surely could. But those types wouldn’t resort to taking an <em> undignified </em>turbolift up to the upper levels when they could take a transport through the portals.</p><p> </p><p>So clearly she was rousing the attendant’s suspicions.</p><p> </p><p>Rey pursed her lips, wondering how likely a little nudge through the Force was to be successful.</p><p> </p><p>She strained to remember if the Barabel species was particularly Force sensitive when the Barabel in questions hissed in annoyance, swiped her credits and then roughly shoved an access chip at her.</p><p> </p><p>Rey took it as her que to leave. So she did, not sparing a glance back.</p><p> </p><p>And then she realized, the stinking attendant took all the credit she had out in the open! </p><p> </p><p>Certainly passage did not cost three hundred credits! Rey huffed indignantly and set to march right back and get her money back when a familiar hand landed on her shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s brow was quirked in mild amusement. “What happened?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey huffed again. “That bloody thief stole my credits! Didn’t even bother to tell me how much the fare would cost. She just bloody took it!” </p><p> </p><p>She glared in the direction of the attendant and moved to march over but was halted again by Ben’s hand.</p><p> </p><p>And that caused her to turn her glare on Ben, who was trying to hide his smirk. </p><p> </p><p>“What?” she growled at him, annoyed that he was choosing to be amused rather than as indignant as she felt.</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s hand dropped from her shoulder and slowly down her arm before he laced his fingers between hers. The skin where his fingers trailed burned from the sensation of his touch and she stilled. </p><p> </p><p>He started guiding them toward one of the middling turbolifts and settled them behind a family of Twi’leks. “You’ve got every right to be frustrated, Rey,” he agreed quietly and then leaned in closer, the tusks of the mask nearly brushing her skin. “But causing a scene is the exact opposite of what we want right now. And if losing a few extra credits means that we stay under the radar, then it’s well worth it.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey rolled her eyes. He was right of course, but that bloody attendant lifted who knows how much extra off of her and got to pocket it. She pursed her lips. “And how much were you charged for the fare?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben pulled back, that insufferable brow cocked yet again. “About one hundred and fifty credits.”</p><p> </p><p>Her eyes widened and then she growled. That thief! She stole a hundred and fifty credits from Rey! She swiped double what the passage was worth. Rey couldn’t help but scowl back at the booth that contained the Barabel thief.</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s hand squeezed her again and she looked away. “Besides,” he spoke again, “we have credits to spare. I promise you, we aren’t going to miss what she took.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ugh, fine,” she groaned. “You’re right.”</p><p> </p><p>She pulled her hand from his, annoyed at how often he was right but temporarily reconsidered when she noticed the wounded look he gave her through the mask. </p><p> </p><p>“Shouldn’t we take different lifts up?” she settled on asking rather than continuing the conversation. She was still very uncomfortable with the fact that they, or more like, <em> Ben </em>, had so much money. Of course, they were going to donate almost all of the First Order’s funds to galactic charities in need. But he was planning on keeping some of it to take out the remnants of the First Order. </p><p> </p><p>And then there was the glaring fact that he had access to the Organa vaults...</p><p> </p><p>Ben turned his head to regard the line of lifts before them. “I think we’ve stayed apart from each other long enough today. Don’t you?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey could barely make out his eyes, but she saw enough to witness the twinkle in them. “Besides, there are a few things I’d like to do to you that I should have done the last time we were in a turbolift together.</p><p> </p><p>Her cheeks flushed hot and her mouth fell open. Was it just her or did the platform suddenly feel several degrees warmer?</p><p> </p><p>She shook herself and placed a hand on her breast. “Ben!” she hissed aghast, absolutely mortified. “There will be others with us!”</p><p> </p><p>He shrugged in a nonchalant way reminiscent of his father and bent down to whisper in her ear again. “We could make them forget.”</p><p> </p><p>She looked at him with such disapproval that it took her a moment to realize that he was joking. </p><p> </p><p>Ben’s shoulders bounced up and down and Rey had never felt more tempted than she did now to tear that stupid mask off his face and witness his mirth first hand. She was going to toss that mask out of the airlock when she got the chance. It robbed her the pleasure of experiencing such a rare moment.</p><p> </p><p>She couldn’t help but laugh in response. “You’re incorrigible. We couldn’t ever--”</p><p> </p><p>Ben took her hand in his, enveloping her chilled fingers in his warmth. “I know. I just wanted to see you flustered.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey batted at Ben’s shoulder with her freehand and laughed, rolling her eyes. “Well you certainly succeeded.” </p><p> </p><p>They moved forward then, finally stepping onto their turbolift. Ben kept her hand firmly within his grasp and ran his thumb up and down her knuckles. The simple gesture raised the flesh on her arms in such a pleasant way that she found she didn’t care that they weren’t sticking to the plan of remaining distant from each other. Instead, she allowed herself to enjoy the way Ben’s hand felt in hers, and the way their shoulders brushed against each other on occasion. </p><p> </p><p>They were so close to freedom. Her body itched with anticipation at the thought of the two of them disappearing into deep space together.</p><p> </p><p>She calmed herself, thinking of the obstacles they still faced. </p><p> </p><p>Getting to the berth was nothing. The real challenge was figuring out how to get out of atmo with the planet wide lockdown going on. Currently no ships were allowed to leave Coruscant’s atmosphere and if anyone tried to leave, the ship was thoroughly investigated and then heavily fined if not imprisoned for good measure. </p><p> </p><p>Rey closed her eyes tiredly and rested against Ben’s shoulder, paying no heed to the others that were cramped on the lift with them. </p><p> </p><p>They would figure something out. They had to.</p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>Some time after they got off the lift, Rey and Ben found themselves in a crowded square.</p><p> </p><p>It was curious to her because everyone down in the undercity seemed to be in a constant state of movement. Even the exchanges of goods within the thousands of stalls and shops didn’t slow the constant flux of movement. </p><p> </p><p>But here, hundreds of beings pressed against each other, seemingly watching something on the holo in the center of the square. </p><p> </p><p>Rey craned her neck to get a better look at what was showing.</p><p> </p><p>A cyan Mon Calamari, female by the looks of it, was speaking in the professionally clinical tones of what could only be a reporter. </p><p> </p><p>She stopped and pushed through the crowd, trying to get close enough to make out exactly what the reporter was saying. Rey felt a tug on her arm and looked back at Ben. His jaw was tense, posture matching the rigidity of his mouth. He clearly didn’t want to stop.</p><p> </p><p>But whatever was being said must be hugely important if the citizens of the undercity were stopping to listen.</p><p> </p><p>She lifted her brow at him and tugged her arm back. <em> What? </em> She intoned flippantly. <em> It could be something about you. And I don’t know about you, but I would like to know what exactly it is that they’re saying. What if they’re closing in on us? </em></p><p> </p><p>Ben’s brows descended and he rolled his eyes slightly. <em> I really doubt that’s it </em>, he replied drolly.</p><p> </p><p>Rey shook her head in dismissal and then towed him further into the press of the crowd. </p><p> </p><p>Several beings shot her dirty looks and some attempted to even shove back until they saw Ben hulking behind her. Eventually, they got close enough to hear what the reporter was saying and Rey felt her foundation flip out from beneath her as she listened. </p><p> </p><p>“...If you are just joining us now, Galactic News Incorporated has broken the news of the arrest of the New Republic’s First Senator, Former Lady Carise Sindian, nearly two standard hours ago.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey gasped and she clutched at Ben’s forearm, shaking it slightly for his attention.</p><p> </p><p>The excited energy she’d sensed at the turbolifts. They must have gotten wind of what happened to Sindian. Her eyes grew wide as she listened to the bare details the reporter had.</p><p> </p><p>She managed to tear her eyes away from the holo for a moment to take in Ben’s reaction. His odd expression kept her watching him for a moment longer. There was no trace of surprise on his angular face. Rather, through the slits in the mask, Rey could detect a certain hint of smugness. </p><p> </p><p>Her eyes narrowed in suspicion before she was drawn back into the report.</p><p> </p><p>The implications of what Rey was hearing completely shifted the gravity of her reality.</p><p> </p><p>Sindian had been removed from office? How? Why? What had Ben done that made this possible?</p><p> </p><p>Rey resisted the temptation to demand answers from her bondmate and instead held his hand tightly and listened.</p><p> </p><p>“This shocking development came after several datafiles were sent to key, high profile New Republic figures, such as head of New Republic Security Force Dif Scaur and New Republic’s General Poe Dameron.”</p><p> </p><p>Poe was in on it? No doubt he headed the arrest if Rey knew anything about her friend. She hid a smile of satisfaction as she imagined the mixture of smug enjoyment Poe must have gotten out of the task.</p><p> </p><p>“The datafiles contained several allegations against the Former First Senator, foremost and perhaps the most shocking of which reveals Sindian’s ties to the First Order, the now destroyed military junta that terrorized and destroyed Hosnian Prime just last year.”</p><p> </p><p>Murmurs broke through the crowd, who seemed to have come back to themselves at the proclamation.</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt her heart speed within her chest and nausea twisted her gut. Carise Sindian had been a part of the First Order? All this time she’d been a part of the First Order, probably awaiting her chance to step back into the political arena to reestablish the dead regime’s manifesto. How had she done it? </p><p> </p><p>She almost scoffed at the thought, the answer staring her in the face. Sindian had been able to sneak into a realm of influence because the people had been desperate. With so few politicians remaining after the Hosnian Cataclysm, Sindian only had to bide her time until opportunity arose.</p><p> </p><p>But thanks to Ben, she’d been stopped. Any plan she had to restore the First Order or establish something equally dangerous had been halted thanks to the man by her side. Rey’s pride hummed deeply into the bond. Ben had saved the galaxy again, this time from a would-be tyrant hidden in moof’s clothing.</p><p> </p><p>The Republic had come so close to falling again, right after it had been saved from the clutches of the First Order. </p><p> </p><p>But now Rey felt like she could breathe a little easier. </p><p> </p><p>Sindian had been deposed. The vile, corrupt woman had been stopped by the man she had condemned just days before.</p><p> </p><p>The galaxy was indebted to Ben yet again and no one would ever know. </p><p> </p><p>Rey wished that she could shout it from the tallest of skyscrapers that their society would have a new chance at developing a new, <em> legitimate </em> government thanks to the man that they so reviled. Their chance at being a part of something better was all thanks to Ben Solo, a man who had walked away from the First Order.</p><p> </p><p>But she knew that she couldn’t do such a thing.</p><p> </p><p>So instead, she raised Ben’s hand to her lips and pressed a firm kiss into the back of it, willing him to feel her joy and pride at what he’d accomplished for the people of the New Republic.</p><p> </p><p>Rey began to pull them away so that they could continue on with their journey when a familiar name echoed through the square, spoken by the Mon Calamari reporter. </p><p> </p><p>“After an emergency meeting held earlier today, the New Republic has officially been disbanded. General Poe Dameron was elected by a high profile council containing several key senators and high ranking military figures as the interim Chief of State of the newly formed Galactic Federation of Free Alliances, a coalition of systems of all parts of the galaxy. Dameron accepted the position on the terms that a fair election be held as soon as possible and has begun investigations into members of Sindian’s inner circle...”</p><p> </p><p>Ben whistled lowly. “Well that worked out better for Dameron than I expected…”</p><p> </p><p>Rey shot him a disbelieving look. “What in kriffing hell did you do, Ben?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben looked down at her and shrugged. “I didn’t do anything that would have made <em> that </em> possible. This so-called Galactic Federation is going to have a rough start with Dameron in charge.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey snorted and knocked Ben in the shoulder lightly. “Oh hush, Poe is an excellent leader. I think he was the right choice.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben shrugged, but Rey could see a flash of white teeth behind the faceplate. He agreed with her, she noted with a smile. He just didn’t want to admit it.</p><p> </p><p>Rey pulled his hand behind her and started pushing her way out of the crowd. “Come on,” she called behind her, “We need to get a move on and <em> you </em>need to tell me how you managed to take the First Senator down less than twelve hours after escaping prison.”</p><p> </p><p>She felt a thrum of amusement through the bond before she heard Ben’s low chuckle from behind. </p><p> </p><p>“I promise it’s less exciting than you think, but I’ll tell you all about it. Maybe in a crowded cantina? I’m starting to feel pretty hungry now.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey opened her mouth to agree, but her stomach seemed to beat her to it. Instead, she nodded. “Shall we find one near here or somewhere closer to the berth?”</p><p> </p><p>“The closer to the berth, the better, don’t you think? We could grab supplies at one of the shops in the area as well. I don’t know how well stocked we can expect the ship to be.”</p><p> </p><p>That sounded fine to Rey. Just as long as she got to eat. And as long as she had a hand in picking out their food supply. She absolutely did not want to end up with protein sticks. Those things were horrible and impossible to eat. She’d rather eat sawdust. Which, incidentally, was nearly the exact flavor profile of a protein stick minus the odd aftertaste.</p><p> </p><p>She gestured and allowed Ben to take the lead. He’d get them through the crowd faster with his intimidating stature and terrifying mask.</p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>Almost criminally later, Rey settled into a small booth of an equally small yet overflowing cantina near the shipyard their ship was settled in. </p><p> </p><p>Ben had nearly dragged them to take a look at their ship, but Rey’s stomach protested loudly at the idea and instead, he led them to the packed cantina a few blocks away. </p><p> </p><p>A rusted and banged up serving droid rolled up to them and handed each of them sticky and very outdated datapads. </p><p> </p><p>“Hurry up and pick something,” the droid instructed. “I’ll be back in five to take your order.” She rolled off to the next table without another word.</p><p> </p><p>“Huh. Well that was something,” Rey commented on their brusque greeting, still staring at the droid now taking the orders of another table. She turned her attention to the datapad before her, noticing that the screen was filled with dozens of cracks. <em> Hopefully that’ll still work. </em></p><p> </p><p>She took in the aurabesh, hoping to make sense of the food descriptions, but seeing as she’d spent twenty years living off of portions and then military rations, she still wasn’t entirely familiar with any sort of fare. And unfortunately for her, there were no pictures to assist.</p><p> </p><p>An agitated huff escaped her and she set the datapad on the also very sticky table. </p><p> </p><p>“Ben,” she called, “What’s good to eat at a place like this?”  </p><p> </p><p>Ben set his datapad down as well and shrugged. “I haven’t been to a place like this since I was ten.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt her mouth drop open. “Han took you to places like this when you were a child?” She looked around in horror, taking in all the seedy, dangerous looking folk who had settled in as though it were home.</p><p> </p><p>Her bondmate nodded slowly. “My father wasn’t exactly someone who concerned himself overly much with safety. Nor did he really think about whether or not such an establishment such as this would be appropriate for a ten year old.”</p><p> </p><p>She bit her lip, trying to imagine a young Ben Solo nervously looking around the cantina, clutching Han’s arm for comfort. “I’m sorry, Ben.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben shrugged. “I didn’t mind it too much.” Then he smiled slightly at her, his face unobscured by the mask’s faceplate for the moment. “My mother, on the other hand, did not care for it.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey smiled. “No, I can’t imagine Leia being pleased with her son being in such an undignified and dangerous place.”</p><p> </p><p>He smiled back, though it didn’t entirely meet his eyes. “So you need help ordering something edible?” </p><p> </p><p>Her grin grew and she nodded. “Yes, please. I’ll eat almost anything. But I’m having trouble figuring out exactly what some of these things are.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s smile dropped at the mention of Rey’s less than ideal upbringing and his eyes dropped to scan the menu. Rey could feel anger seep through his end of their bond, though it was not directed at her. Instead, it was aimed at Plutt and her parents.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not their fault,” she murmured quietly in her parent’s defense. Ben’s eyes shot up, surprised. He hadn’t realized that he was projecting. A rare occurrence from Ben Solo.</p><p> </p><p>His brow quirked while his mouth pulled down into a frown. “No? You don’t think they could have left you somewhere <em> slightly </em>more hospitable than Jakku?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey didn’t know the answer to that. “I don’t know. All I know is that they were just trying to keep me safe. Even if I still feel abandoned by them, even though I still blame them, I’m trying not to.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s jaw tightened but he said nothing. </p><p> </p><p>“You seemed to enjoy what we ate last night,” he finally said, changing the subject to something safer. “I see a few dishes that are similar to that.” He scanned the menu some more. “I also see some fried meats you might like. Or something called a bantha wrap. It’s a blend of spiced bantha and moof roasted on a vertical spit and then shaved off onto a flatbread. It’s topped with vegetables and a creamy garlic sauce.”</p><p> </p><p>He beckoned behind her and Rey twisted to see a cone of golden brown meat turning lazily around on a spit, the meat sizzling as it rotated past the heating elements. She felt her mouth fill immediately with saliva. </p><p> </p><p>She turned back to Ben with excitement lighting her eyes. “I want that.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s face split into a wide grin. “I thought you might like that.”</p><p> </p><p>The serving droid came by at the moment and Ben ordered two wraps and two orders of fried algae strips, which he noticed Rey eyeing as another droid rolled past with a tray full of them.</p><p> </p><p>She shot him a grateful look and the droid was off to the kitchens. It was going to be difficult to not count the minutes it took for their food to get to the cramped table. It wasn’t something she especially wanted to dwell on at the moment. It would only serve to make her hungrier. </p><p> </p><p>So she decided that she wanted her answers.</p><p> </p><p>“How did you know Sindian was a First Order spy?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben met her gaze with his warm whisky eyes and smiled slightly. “I thought I remembered Hux talking about an aristocratic spy in the senate. And with what happened to Sindian after my mother was outed as Vader’s daughter, it wasn’t too hard to piece it together.”</p><p> </p><p>“But I didn’t really believe it until she came to my cell to gloat that first night. Basically confirmed it herself, the stupid, egotistical woman.”</p><p> </p><p>His large hands settled on the table and Rey had to keep her attention away from them. </p><p> </p><p>“After that, I dug through the First Order databanks as soon as I had the chance and found the proof this morning while you were still asleep.”</p><p> </p><p>“Which was?” Rey prompted. </p><p> </p><p>“That Carise Sindian had been assigned the task of destabilizing the New Republic by creating in-fighting and she was also meant to slowly push the government that would work with the First Order when it started making its move on the galaxy.”</p><p> </p><p>His fingers drummed on the sticky table top and Rey grimaced at the tacky sound. </p><p> </p><p>“She failed her second task. The First Senator idea was scrapped after the ordeal. But she succeeded in the first.” He paused for a second. “She successfully caused the bipartisan rift between two new factions <em> and </em> she discredited and ruined the career of the New Republic’s most prominent and well liked Senator by manipulating one of her colleagues into revealing a dark secret.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey chewed her lip and nodded. “Your mother. The secret, it was about her parentage?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben gave a short nod and continued nonchalantly. </p><p> </p><p>“All I had to do was find the dossiers that linked her to the Order and I also managed to find a holorecording that undeniably incriminated her and then sent the files off to some news sources, the head of the NRSF and Dameron and the rest, as you can see, is history.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s chest bubbled with so much pride and admiration that it manifested as happy tears. She wiped one roughly away, beaming at the incredible man before her. “You are amazing, you realize that, right?” </p><p> </p><p>Ben flushed and shifted in his seat, uncomfortable. “I just exposed a corrupt politician. There are many more still out there. But still...” He lifted his eyes and met hers once more. “One who was trying to use and hurt you. It was… more than a little selfishly motivated.”</p><p> </p><p>“I really doubt that you did what you did just for me.”</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t say anything so Rey pushed further.</p><p> </p><p>Her lip trembled with unbridled emotion, the joy uncontained. “It’s going to help the entire Republic. It already has! You exposed Sindian for what she truly is and now she can’t hurt anyone anymore. You are a hero to the people. More than once now. Even if they don’t know it.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben shook his head, his dark hair covering his eyes. “It won’t change anything for us though. We’re still going to be fugitives.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey reached out and grasped his hands. “That doesn’t matter to me. You’re a hero, Ben. Even if no one else knows it but me. You did the right thing and by doing so, helped trillions of people.”</p><p> </p><p>“Rey…”</p><p> </p><p>She shook her head. “Don’t, Ben. You deserve to feel good about what you accomplished today. Don’t let the guilt of your past stop you.”</p><p> </p><p>He held her gaze for a moment and weakly smiled. “Alright. I’ll try.”</p><p> </p><p>Her heart warmed, though she still wished that Ben could accept the good he’d done for the galaxy. They sat in a comforting silence, taking in the sounds of the cantina around them.</p><p> </p><p>The serving droid returned with their food and Rey’s stomach growled loudly when the savory scents of their meal hit her nostrils.</p><p> </p><p>Her hand shot out and she picked the large wrap up, testing its heft. </p><p> </p><p>“I have a feeling I found my new favorite food,” she said idly as she examined the greasy meat dripping with a white sauce.</p><p> </p><p>Ben huffed as he gingerly picked up his own wrap and examined it with a critical eye. “We’ll see if you still think that once the heartburn and indigestion have set in…”</p><p> </p><p>Rey rolled her eyes. “Your upbringing is showing.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh please. I was ten when I got sent away to live with Luke, and I was still mostly eating bland children’s food at that point. <em> And </em> I’ll have you know, Jedi fare is quite plain.”</p><p> </p><p>Her lips tugged into a smirk, “And what about the food you ate with the First Order? That must have been terribly decadent.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben was unblinking as he replied. “I wouldn’t know. I lived on soldier’s rations by choice.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben lifted a single shoulder and then took a bite. His eyes widened as the flavors settled on his tongue and Rey knew immediately that they’d ordered something fantastic.</p><p> </p><p>She followed in suit and moaned as flavor exploded in her mouth. The savory and saltiness of the bantha meat sang in perfect harmony with the slightly sweet bread and the crispy vegetables. And the sauce? For something that looked so plain, it was deceptively flavorful. Pungent, salty juxtaposed with a mild sweetness and heat. Ben had said it was garlic? Well, Rey loved garlic now.</p><p> </p><p>Rey tore another bite off the wrap and moaned in pure delight once more. “Oh stars, Ben. This is undoubtedly my favorite food in the whole of the galaxy.”</p><p> </p><p>She opened her eyes and licked the grease from her lips to peer curiously at her bondmate when he didn’t answer.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben?”</p><p> </p><p>The man in question was flustered and bright red in the face. He sputtered and started coughing, pounding at his chest all the while.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben? Are you alright?” Rey asked, concern coloring her tone. </p><p> </p><p>He coughed once more and nodded. “I’m fine, completely fine.” He took a long pull of water and settled down. </p><p> </p><p>“What happened?”</p><p> </p><p>His face flushed again and held her eyes with his earnest ones. “If you continue to eat like that, we’re going to need to get to our bunk ASAP because I don’t think I can handle watching you like that.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt her cheeks warm. </p><p> </p><p>Oh. <em> Oh. </em> Ben was...turned on? By the way she was eating her dinner?</p><p> </p><p>She bit her lip. “I’ll try to contain myself then,” she smiled, feeling shy. “As much as I’d love to engage in such acts with you again, I am currently in love with my bantha wrap and cannot be torn away from it in such a manner at this time.”</p><p> </p><p>The dimples in Ben’s cheeks appeared as a massive grin overtook his face. “Well don’t take too long. You can’t tease me like that, sweetheart.”</p><p> </p><p>“If this is the only time I can eat this amazing food, I think I can take as much time as I’d like. Besides,” she intoned, “don’t we still have to stop for supplies before we reach the shipyard?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben sighed in feigned annoyance. “Yes. But I don’t plan on taking long.”</p><p> </p><p>Then he waved a serving droid over.</p><p> </p><p>“What do you want?” it asked in obvious annoyance.</p><p> </p><p>“We’ll take four more bantha wraps to go.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s jaw dropped and Ben’s brows lifted in challenge.</p><p> </p><p>She rolled her eyes and spoke around another bite. “Fine, if <em> three </em> of those can be mine, I’ll pick up the pace.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s expression turned indignant immediately. “Make that six, please.”</p><p>
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</p><p>When Rey was stuffed beyond measure, they paid and left the rowdy cantina and made their way to the nearest supplier.</p><p> </p><p>Ben had resumed wearing the intimidating mask but that didn’t stop the owner from swarming them and constantly trying to upsell them. </p><p> </p><p>After the Rodian’s third appearance from the aisle behind them, Ben politely, but firmly told him that they didn’t need any assistance.</p><p> </p><p>He backed off but still lingered nearby, watching them for any sign of needing him.</p><p> </p><p>After a few more moments of browsing with the owner not so subtly watching them from an adjacent aisle, Rey set the soft thermal blankets she was thinking about purchasing for their bunk back on the shelf and eyed Ben in annoyance. “I swear,” she muttered darkly and perhaps a touch too loudly, “If he comes by again, I will personally storm out of this place and go give his competitor our business.”</p><p> </p><p>She heard quick feet moving further away and Ben chuckled softly. “Well, it seems he got the message. Finally.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey flashed him a bright grin. “Good. Then he’s not an idiot.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben chuckled again. “Maybe. I don’t know if we can rule that out quite yet.” He hefted a giant tote filled with a comical amount of freeze dried food, toiletries and several medpacs.</p><p> </p><p>The six medpacs caught Rey’s eye and she chewed her lip thoughtfully. “Ben, I really don’t think we need six of those.”</p><p> </p><p>Her bondmate’s eyes dropped down to the packs in question. “Better safe than sorry,” came his simple reply.</p><p> </p><p>She shook her head. “I can just heal you—”</p><p> </p><p>“And would you let me heal you?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey paused. No, she wouldn’t. Even after that creature attacked her in the oceans of Ahch-To, she still wouldn’t allow Ben to heal her. And he knew that based on the look in her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>His eyes shone fiercely. “Then until you trust me enough to heal you, I’m getting six of these.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey scowled. “I’m not <em> that </em> accident prone. I don’t need six medpacks.” She added under her breath, “Doubt I’ll even need one…”</p><p> </p><p>But of course, Ben heard her and flashed her a shit eating smile. “We’ll see about that, sweetheart.”</p><p> </p><p>With a huff, Rey whirled away from Ben and grabbed the thermal knit blankets and stormed off to the aisle that contained tool kits necessary for ship maintenance. </p><p> </p><p>Her fingers skimmed along a collection of hydrospanners and plucked one out that looked like a good fit for her. Then she grabbed a servodriver for good measure and began making her way to the front of the store.</p><p> </p><p>Ben met her halfway and dropped a finely woven cardigan in her arms.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s made with the newest thermo-tech,” he explained in a way of apology. “I know you get cold easily and I…” he coughed, “I thought maybe you’d like it?”</p><p> </p><p>She adjusted the load in her arms so that she could feel the soft, dove gray material. It felt like butter. Rey looked up at him and sent him a soft smile to let him know all was well between them. </p><p> </p><p>“It’s lovely. But you don’t have to get it for me, Ben. I wasn’t really upset with you.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s deep eyes connected with hers. “But I want to get this for you. If you like it, that is…”</p><p> </p><p>Her heart could have burst within her chest at the sweet gesture but she managed to keep herself composed. Instead, she rose to her toes and planted a kiss on his smooth cheek. “I love it. Thank you.”</p><p> </p><p>His dark hair flopped over his eyes as he ducked his head. “I want to give you everything, Rey,” he murmured quietly without looking at her.</p><p> </p><p>She nudged her head into his shoulder. “You already have, Ben. Just the fact that you’re here with me means that you’ve given me everything I could ever want.”</p><p> </p><p>The heat of his plush lips seeped through her hair and warmed her head as Ben pushed a kiss there. “I love you.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey smiled against his shoulder. “I love you too.”</p><p> </p><p>Those annoying feet began tapping nearer to them, signaling that the Rodian was approaching them yet again. Ben and Rey hesitantly separated and continued their path to the front where they would make their purchases.</p><p> </p><p>“Ahh,” the Rodian buzzed with pleasure, “It seems you have found exactly what you needed for your travels.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey was tempted to drop it all and walk out, but Ben nudged her and they placed their loads on the counter and the shop owner happily scanned each item before accepting their credits with glee.</p><p> </p><p>They stepped out with loaded arms. Though Ben’s were significantly more weighed down, Rey was just happy to have been able to hold the bag that contained the six bantha wraps ordered before they left the cantina.</p><p> </p><p>From the supply shop, it was a straight shoot to the shipyard and then to their berth.</p><p> </p><p>When they finally reached their ship, Rey nearly cried with relief.</p><p> </p><p>It was a modest ship on the outside, nothing grand about it by any means, but it was perfect. </p><p> </p><p>The ship was roomier than it appeared from the outside and boasted a more than adequate weapons terminal if Ben’s pleasure was any means to go off of. </p><p> </p><p>Their quarters contained a double wide bunk and of course, as Lando had bought it, a decently sized closet to fit their clothing. On the other side of the hall, there was a comfortable looking fresher with a <em> real </em> water shower. Rey bit her lip to try to hide her excitement. </p><p> </p><p>Lando Calrissian had certainly been generous with them.</p><p> </p><p>Within the hold was a modest galley complete with a cooler, cooking station and a rehydrator. It was more than she could have asked for.</p><p> </p><p>Ben sat in the cockpit, taking in the specs and hidden features of the ship in wonder. </p><p> </p><p>He turned slightly when he felt her come in, guilt flooding his side of the bond. “This is too much. My uncle has been too generous with me.”</p><p> </p><p>She stepped in and placed a soothing hand on his shoulder. “He loves you, Ben. I think he just wanted to make sure you had everything that you needed to survive this.”</p><p> </p><p>With a smooth movement, Rey took her place beside him in the co-pilot’s chair. “Besides, we’ll have ample opportunity to thank him for this later, I think.” She shifted to get a better look at him. “Remember, Chewie told us to go to Bespin after things calmed down. General Calrissian will be expecting us.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben nodded shortly and then began flipping switches to power their ship up.</p><p> </p><p>Eventually, his demeanor changed, becoming more relaxed and he looked at her sidelong with the brightest smile she’d seen on him. Her heart rate spiked everything inside her felt fluttery.</p><p> </p><p>“Where to?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p><em> Lady </em> Carise Sindian stormed through her bedroom suite and snapped at the attendants rushing to pack her trove of clothing to move faster.</p><p> </p><p>She didn’t have much time.</p><p> </p><p>It took everything within her to stop herself from collapsing to the floor in a fit, screaming until she was hoarse. </p><p> </p><p>How could this have happened? How did she get here?</p><p> </p><p>First, the Former Supreme Leader escaped prison last night during the Gala. She didn’t know how it happened, but her gut told her that Rey Skywalker was somehow involved in it all. </p><p> </p><p>She’d thrown several priceless vases and heirlooms at her wretched servants, taking pleasure every time something struck one of them. </p><p> </p><p>It had helped her somewhat, calming her enough to start planning Ren’s recapture and execution on site. Hopefully that stupid Jedi girl would be with him and she could be rid of her as well. It was well within her right to order the immediate execution of a treasonous traitor.</p><p> </p><p>Carise went to bed surprisingly easy that night, playing out several different fantasies and scenarios that resulted in both of their deaths.</p><p> </p><p>Then she awoke to the worst possible news. News she hadn’t anticipated and now she was scrambling to escape her apartments before the authorities came to arrest her.</p><p> </p><p>She caught sight of her harried image in one of the massive gilded mirrors of her refresher and scowled at the mess. </p><p> </p><p>No makeup, dark circles under her equally dark eyes and her hair was in a frazzled state. She licked her pale lips and had to stop herself from hurling her datapad at the reflective transparisteel mirror.</p><p> </p><p>How had this happened? </p><p> </p><p>How had her ties to the First Order come out in the open? That was never supposed to happen. Her links to the regime had blinked out permanently when the Resistance beat the First and Final Orders on that horrid Sith planet in the Unknown Regions.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> It wasn’t supposed to happen! </em>
</p><p> </p><p>A blood curdling screech tore from her throat. She was supposed to be untouchable! </p><p> </p><p>But now? </p><p> </p><p>Carise felt sick to her stomach, her arms numb and her fingers icy. She would have retched had she been able to eat anything. </p><p> </p><p>She was ruined. Her career, her livelihood, all of her grand plans had been incinerated like flesh in plasma.</p><p> </p><p>Rushing out of her refresher, she shrieked at the attendants to grab the bags that they’d already packed and forget about the rest.</p><p> </p><p>Her ship was powered up and ready to take her far from the Core.</p><p> </p><p>Where could she go? </p><p> </p><p>Arkanis? </p><p> </p><p>No. Her home planet might have been loyal to the First Order, but they wouldn’t take her now that she was a fugitive.</p><p> </p><p>Perhaps an Outer Rim territory?</p><p> </p><p>She cringed at the idea of living out the rest of her days on a backwater dirtball. No, that wouldn’t do either. </p><p> </p><p>Her steps echoed as she raced to the door. Loyal Kantarra Maevus stood waiting for her, her dark face paled.</p><p> </p><p>“Hurry, my lady. The NRSF is on its way. We don’t have much time.”</p><p> </p><p>Carise swallowed and took the lead. </p><p> </p><p>She could only hope that they were fast enough.</p><p> </p><p>Her fingers danced across the access panel and commanded the blastdoor to open.</p><p> </p><p>Once it opened, her heart stopped and she felt her entire body go cold.</p><p> </p><p>That kriffing smug general stood on the threshold, apparently patiently awaiting her. Behind him was a small unit of heavily armed guards and the head of the NRSF.</p><p> </p><p>General Poe Dameron and the head of the NRSF exchanged looks and Dameron smiled widely at Carise. </p><p> </p><p>She fell back one step, then two and then she found herself behind Maevus.</p><p> </p><p>The dark haired general stepped inside, the wild grin still firmly attached to his lips.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, look what we have here,” Dameron called out, “Looks like our soon to be former First Senator was about to go on the run.” He stopped and surveyed the chaos.</p><p> </p><p>“It looks a little suspicious, don’t you think, Dif?”</p><p> </p><p>The head of the NRSF stepped in and stopped beside Dameron, beckoning for his force to come in.</p><p> </p><p>Dif Scaur whistled slowly. “It sure doesn’t look good, General, I’ll say that much.” Then a wide smile crossed his face and he looked to General Dameron.</p><p> </p><p>General Dameron motioned for two guards to come for Carise and she somehow held firm as they gripped an arm each.</p><p> </p><p>“The accusations are <em> false </em>,” she hissed, angry tears pricking within her eyes. She would deny it to her last breath.</p><p> </p><p>The dark haired man laughed humorlessly. “The accusations provide undeniable proof of your treachery, Sindian. Your term has ended.”</p><p> </p><p>With another gesture, the guards began fitting binders on her wrists as Dameron began reciting charges.</p><p> </p><p>“First Senator Carise Sindian, you are hereby charged with the following crimes. You have been accused and found guilty of the following based on irrefutable evidence released by an anonymous source. Those crimes are: conspiracy and action to commit acts of sabotage against the New Republic, acts of espionage, obstruction of justice, acts of bribery, attempted extortion, blackmail and treason.”</p><p> </p><p>He looked up from his datapad and smirked. “Due to the mountains of evidence that backs these claims, you are to be immediately removed from office in disgrace and imprisoned with the intention of facing a full trial. Those who are found to have co-conspired with you will also be removed from office and imprisoned.”</p><p> </p><p>General Dameron handed the datapad off. </p><p> </p><p>“Any last requests before you’re shipped off to prison?”</p><p> </p><p>Her mind was blank. </p><p> </p><p>Her life was over.</p><p> </p><p>With a trembling voice she spoke up. She <em>had</em> to know who had caused her ruin.</p><p> </p><p>“Who did this to me?”</p><p> </p><p>Poe Dameron smirked again, clearly taking pleasure in the worst moment of her life. </p><p> </p><p>“Ben Solo.”</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>(singing to the tune of Goodbye Earl) GOOOOOOOOODBYYYEEEEEEEE GIIIIIIIRLLLL!</p><p>But really. Bye, bye Sindian. You got exposed. You are cancelled.</p><p>I know that a lot of you were hoping that Rey would be the one to take her down, but honestly, she is so focused on getting Ben out of Coruscant that taking Sindian down was not even on her radar. And, Rey was never aware of Carise Sindian's shady First Order background. The only one who put two and two together was Ben, which means that Ben was the only one who had the knowledge and the access to the proof to take her out. </p><p>Also, I was totally craving gyros when I wrote that cantina scene, so yeah, they're eating the galactic equivalent of gyros. Definitely going to eat that for our weekly take out night this weekend. </p><p>Anyway, our babies are almost outta there. Next chapter we will wrap up and have an epilogue. If you have enjoyed this story, please let me know in the comments!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0033"><h2>33. Escape from Coruscant</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Here we go folks, the final chapter!</p><p>I'm not gonna lie, this is not my best work, but it took almost a month to get out and I'm just a little tired.</p><p>Anyway, thank you so much for reading this story! Thank you so much for commenting! You kept me going when I was so tired of writing. You guys kept me in love with this story. I appreciate the fact that you all read this and that so many of you enjoyed it!</p><p>With the end of this story comes a hiatus from me. I won't remove the story, but I don't think I'll be writing for a long time. I need to focus on other things in my life and I want to try my hand at writing an original story. Also, I am obsessed with Stormlight Archive, and the fourth book is being released in about three weeks. So my interest is going to shift to that universe instead. </p><p>I will always have hope that Ben Solo will return in canon and that he and Rey will be reunited as they rightfully deserve. I will always hope that Disney and Lucas Film will see the value in bringing Ben back. But if they don't, I'm so happy I was able to create a story where two of my favorite characters get their happy ending.</p><p>Again, thank you so much for reading!! You guys are the best.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE: Escape From Coruscant</span>
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  <span>Rey stared out of the view port, contemplating Ben’s question while he pulled up the navicomputer, fingers poised to type in a destination.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Where to, indeed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She didn’t know. There was so much of the galaxy that she had never seen before. So many systems and worlds she had no idea of. The idea that she had seen such a fractional percentage of the galaxy made the question all the more daunting. </span>
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  <span>With her lip firmly clamped between her teeth, Rey pulled his hand away and settled it between them. She met his dark, curious eyes and nodded at the viewport. </span>
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  <span>“I think we should focus on getting off of Coruscant alive before we decide where to go,” she said.</span>
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  <span>Ben’s focus turned to the viewport as well, taking in the massive vent that would allow them to leave the undercity for good. “Okay,” he replied slowly, disengaging the navicomputer hesitantly with his free hand. </span>
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  <span>Rey leaned forward and began running the pre-flight checks and diagnostics. Her heart began pounding against her rib cage as her thoughts turned to the challenge of escaping the Coruscanti atmosphere while the entire planet was on lockdown.</span>
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  <span>She nodded to herself, trying to will herself into believing that they would succeed. They could do this, right? Ben was an amazing pilot and she knew for a fact that she was pretty damn good too. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Perhaps the best strategy for us is to punch it as soon as we hit atmo?” she suggested with uncertainty.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ben shook his head. “We’d need a destination in mind in order to do that. And with how densely populated the Core is, it’s complete lunacy to enter hyperspace outside of an established hyperlane.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She worried her lip some more. Well, that solution was a bust. And unfortunately for them, it was the best idea she’d had.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well what else could we do? As soon as we fly above the skylanes, we’re going to have security ships all over us. We’ll be caught in an instant.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ben’s brows furrowed with worry as he tried to come up with his own solution. “I know. I’m working on it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey sat back in her seat with a frustrated huff. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Perhaps they could hop around the thousands of different levels for a while until the blockade was lifted? Maybe they would eventually have to believe that somehow Ben had already escaped? It was possible that he could have flown off world as soon as he’d broken out of his cell.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her stomach twisted with anxiety. What if Ben had missed his chance of escaping Coruscant because they’d been adamant at seeing each other as soon as he was free? What if their impatience was going to cost Ben his freedom? His life?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She could have allowed him to leave the planet and then taken the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Falcon </span>
  </em>
  <span>or something else when it was safe--safe enough for them to reunite and be together again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tears stung her eyes. She was so stupid. They were going to get caught and Ben would be executed on site. A bitter part of her hoped that they would do the same to her as well.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was hopeless, completely hopeless.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her thoughts continued to spiral out of control, imagining different scenarios of their capture and demise, each more gruesome than the last. She had killed them. In her eagerness, she had caused their--</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A warm hand clasped hers and Ben’s soothing voice cut through her dark thoughts. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Rey,” he called, ensnaring her attention with only her name. “It’s not hopeless.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was answering unspoken thoughts and she flushed. She’d been projecting again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey cleared her throat. “How, Ben? How are we supposed to make it out of here? It’s just now hitting me that we never came up with a plan to get off of Coruscant. I was so wrapped up in just getting to you that I hardly considered what our plan would be after getting to the ship. We can’t get past that blockade. We’ll be caught. And then you’ll--”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She cut off as she was jerked into Ben’s lap. “Shh,” he murmured against the crown of her head. Rey’s face pressed against Ben’s firm chest and she breathed in his unique scent. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ben’s chest rumbled as he spoke, trying to soothe her. “Rey, we’re going to get out of here. I know it sounds crazy, but I really think that we’ll get away just fine. We can’t do just about anything when we’re together, remember? We took out the Praetorian guards like it was nothing. We defied death to be together again.  A little blockade won’t stop us.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey inhaled and tried to absorb the certainty Ben was projecting through their bond but couldn’t completely grasp the level of confidence he had. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She stared at the control panel and tried to think of something to say back, but all that came to her was more fear, more negativity over their situation.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If we poke around a bit, we might be able to figure out how to rig the transponders to bounce around signals so that they can’t locate us while we leave atmo?” Ben kept talking but Rey let his voice fade into the background as she noticed a blinking light on the ship’s hypertransceiver.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ben…” Rey trailed as she pushed away from his chest, eyes still fixed on the expensive device. “There’s a hypertransceiver on the control panel. And it’s blinking...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her bondmate cut off and then leaned them both forward to play the message.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>General Lando Calrissian’s kind face appeared, dark eyes crinkled.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His friendly voice crackled over the line to relay his previously recorded message. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Little Starfighter,” Lando greeted, “I hope that this message finds you safely on the ship with your ladylove, ready for a new beginning.” The old man smirked knowingly. “Treat her well, Ben. She’s a very special lady and if you don’t tend to her, I might just swoop in and win her over myself!” He chuckled for a moment before growing serious. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Now, you and I have some serious issues that need discussing. A </span>
  <em>
    <span>lot</span>
  </em>
  <span> of discussing. But you are my best friend’s son and I love you like my own. So I am helping you out of this… difficult situation.” Lando gestured in front of him, as though he were there personally showing them the ship. “This is a VCX-100 freighter. You’ll find it has some similarities to the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Falcon.</span>
  </em>
  <span> That’s because it was made by the same manufacturing company on the same planet.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Anyway, I digress,” the old general continued, “She’s an old ship, but she’s had several key moderations added that should help you on your journeys. Such as a class one hyperdrive and a nice little weapons arsenal that will help you get out of the sticky situations I know that you’re bound to end up in with that Solo blood of yours. There is a newer navicomputer installed and as you’ll have noticed, this hypertranseiver. You’ll also find a fully functional galley in addition to a separate common room. And of course, I couldn’t get you a ship without a real shower, so you’re welcome. And I expect you both to fill that closet. A favorite feature of mine.” He grinned cheekily.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lando paused, his eyes serious. “Most importantly, as I know you’ll soon see, a cutting edge signal-augmented sensor jammer has been installed. It’s Carbanti’s latest release and I believe that it will help you to slip past Coruscant’s blockade and atmosphere quite easily.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Immense relief overtook Rey’s body and she fell against Ben, who had gasped quietly to himself, eyes wide as he listened to his uncle’s message.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They were going to make it out of Coruscant! Rey could have cried with relief but contained herself, instead gripping Ben’s right hand tightly as Lando had not finished relaying his message.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I asked Chewie to mention this to you, but in case he was unable to do so before you parted, I invite you to come join me on Bespin.” He nodded solemnly. “Yes, Ben. I would like to see you. As I mentioned, we need to talk. And I think you know that you owe both Chewie and I an explanation of everything that has transpired, especially about your father.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ben stiffened but otherwise gave no signal of his unease nor did he give any sign of the emotional turmoil he was almost definitely hiding from her. But Rey knew better. Those were not conversations that he was going to want to have. They would be difficult and extremely painful for all parties involved. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lando was right, though. They needed to have them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey wished that there was something that she could do to help Ben through what was clearly going to be an emotionally devastating experience, but she knew that this was going to be something that he would want to do on his own. He owed it to his father’s closest friends. He’d owed it to his mother as well, but...it was too late for that… And most of all, he owed it to himself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“When the dust settles and some time has passed, I want you to know that you and Rey will be welcomed with open arms. So please, don’t disappoint a tired old man, Ben. Come see me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The holo flickered out and the transmission ended.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Silence permeated the cockpit. It emmanted from Ben, who still stared at the hypertransceiver, unblinking. Rey allowed the silence to continue, understanding that perhaps her bondmate needed a few moments to himself, to process his uncle’s request.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Quietly, Rey stood to locate the sensor jammer. She found it to be already online and ready for use. Again, relief filled her, calming her nerves and filling her with much needed confidence. When she turned to return to her seat, she found that Ben was now bent over, elbows resting on his knees and head in his hands.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The dark waves of his hair fell over his eyes and hid his expression. Rey approached him and placed her hand on his broad upper back. It slid down to the curve of his spine as she knelt down and placed her other hand on his right forearm.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The silence persisted, but Ben placed his hand over hers after a few heartbeats, squeezing it gently.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey took it as a sign to speak. “What are you thinking?” she asked softly, wishing she could see his expressive eyes through the mass of black hair covering them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ben shrugged and huffed, half in amusement and half in uncertainty. “I’m thinking that this is going to be one of the hardest things I will ever have to do…” His voice broke as he continued, “I’m going to need to look my father’s best friends in the eye and explain to them why I killed him.” He sighed and shook his head. “I tried with Chewie, but I feel like it was nothing. Like I hardly scratched the surface. And </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> was already hard enough.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looked up and met Rey’s eyes. “But I know that I need to do it. I owe it to them. I’m just...scared. Scared that they’ll never forgive me…” His dark eyes dropped back down.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey chafed her hand up and down Ben’s back in a soothing pattern. “Ben, if they really couldn’t ever forgive you, do you honestly think that they would have done everything they could to save your life?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ben sniffed and dropped his head further, saying nothing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Patience,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Rey chided herself as she fought against this instinct to roll her eyes. She didn’t understand how Ben couldn’t see that Chewie and Lando clearly still loved him, regardless of what he had done. They were heartbroken and things would never be the same between them and their nephew, but there was still love there. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ben, they came here to help you, remember? First legally while you were on trial and then...less legally when things went bad. Lando helped keep the security guards at the Courts of Justice occupied with Kaydel </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> provided us with this ship.” She stared around the cockpit admiring how much newer it looked than the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Falcon</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Her chest panged. Rey was going to miss the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Millennium Falcon</span>
  </em>
  <span> fiercely.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And Chewie helped you escape the sewers!” She guided him to look at her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His eyes were filled with dark emotion again but Rey wouldn’t let those thoughts and feelings settle inside him this time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She looked at him emphatically, urging him to accept her words. “So I can tell you confidently that they </span>
  <em>
    <span>will</span>
  </em>
  <span> forgive you, Ben. They’ve done so much already to protect you, to save you from this. They wouldn’t have done all that otherwise.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ben’s eyes were glassy and wide and his lips trembled with suppressed emotion, but eventually he nodded. “Thank you, Rey.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey smiled and kissed his cheek and then pressed her forehead against his. “I’m not going to let you wallow anymore, Solo. You’ve done a lot to earn your redemption already and I know that you’ll work to earn it for the rest of your life.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She flopped down in the co-captains chair. “We’ve got some time before we can be expected there, anyway, so perhaps it's best not to worry about it too much for now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ben straightened and nodded slowly. “I </span>
  <em>
    <span>will </span>
  </em>
  <span>worry about it later, though.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey’s smirk flashed, “I know. I wouldn’t expect anything less” Then she began checking the status of the pre-flight checks. “It looks like we are ready to take off.” She turned her eyes toward him, suddenly filled with apprehension and excitement. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you ready?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ben grabbed her hand and held it, the same excitement and apprehension reflected back at her. “Let’s go.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She gulped and took care of the landing gear while Ben engaged the boosters and the thrusters. With a slight shudder, their new ship lifted off and began flying toward the massive portal that would lead them to their freedom. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her heart skipped a beat as they started their ascent up the massive portal. Rey’s mind turned to the thousands of possibilities that now represented their future, elation humming through every cell. This was it. They were going to start their life together at last. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No more First Order and Resistance standing between them. They would never stand on opposing sides again. It would be them against the known Universe and she knew, she </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew</span>
  </em>
  <span> that they would be able to face anything so long as they were together.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey glanced  sidelong at Ben, admiring the look of concentration that had crossed his face, his dark hair falling errantly over his forehead, his hands dancing across the control panel. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The awe over the fact that Ben was alive again and here, awe that hadn’t had the chance to settle in because of his guilt induced death mission finally began to take hold within her. She couldn’t believe that he was back. That he had somehow come back to her even though the Force had mortally separated them two months ago…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A lone tear slipped down her cheek. She would not waste this chance they had to be together. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Overcome with the need to feel him, Rey leaned against his shoulder and allowed him to take control of their ship, continuing it’s rise through the undercity portal to the city above. She sighed as Ben paused and rested his head on top of hers.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you alright, Rey?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey nearly didn’t notice the question but a nudge through their bond alerted her to his inquiry. She nodded into his arm. “More than alright.” Then she tilted her head to look up at her bondmate, meeting his effervescent eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She smiled at the youthfully happy expression that practically emanated from him. “It’s just, it’s finally hitting me that you’re actually here, even in spite of your best efforts,” she glared at him for a moment before smiling, though he’d had the good sense of looking guilty. “That you’re alive and with me and that we’re going to be together, finally. With no First Order or Resistance in our way.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He tensed slightly. “The new Galactic Federation-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey cut him off. “The Galactic Federation will be after us, yes, but they aren’t preventing us from being together.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ben sighed and nodded. “Well regardless, I’m glad you’re coming with me.” He shifted, forcing Rey to look at him, though he was looking at the control panel with discomfort. “I thought that I wanted to do this alone--thought that the best thing I could do for you was to leave you here, with your friends. But seeing you last night…” he went quiet for a moment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looked down at her suddenly fervent. “It made me realize that I was wrong. About it all. I don’t want to do this alone. And leaving you behind would have been a terrible mistake I’d regret forever.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They rose into Galactic city proper before Ben spoke again. “So thank you, Rey,” Ben said softly, voice matching the tender expression in his eyes. “Thank you for not giving up on me no matter what stupid thing I’ve done…” His brows rose and pinched together in earnest. “I couldn’t do this without you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t want you to, Ben.” she whispered back, eyes glinting with happy tears. “I love you, you moof milker.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ben flashed one of his true smiles, where his dimples took center stage and his slightly crooked teeth shone white. “I love you too, Scavenger.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Without looking, he calculated their trajectory and shot them up towards the stars. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Even though she no longer had cause to worry, Rey still held her breath, muscles tense while they rose higher and higher into the atmosphere. She knew that their signal was undetectable thanks to their new jammer, but she worried that they would be caught anyway. Wouldn’t someone spot them?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It turned out that Rey had nothing to worry about.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Their ship had a nice kick to it and blasted out of the atmo far faster than she anticipated. Moments later,  it slipped through the blockade without even a whisper or hint of danger.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ben collapsed into his chair once they had put decent distance between the blockade and their little freighter.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What the hell did Lando do to this thing?” he asked breathlessly, apparently also unable to believe that they’d gotten out so easily.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey shook her head, “I have no clue. Maybe the hull’s been masked with some sort of camouflaging plating?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ben chewed his lip, contemplating. “I think I would have noticed something like that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey would have noticed too. So it couldn’t have been that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Another possibility came to mind, one that filled her with pride though she felt apprehensive about it’s likelihood. “Do you…” she trailed off with uncertainty and tried again. “Do you think maybe Poe did something?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ben wasn’t quick to brush it off, which surprised Rey. She wasn’t expecting Ben to think highly of Poe. But, she supposed, he’d helped them a lot. And perhaps that helped to ease away some animosity between the two men. “It’s possible. I don’t know if he’d be willing to risk his new position like that, but maybe...maybe I can see him doing something.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey glanced back at the now distant ecumopolis, still amazed at the lack of green on such a populated planet. “I can see it.” she replied. “I think Poe would do almost anything for a friend.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She smiled at Ben and relaxed into her chair. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was time for them to decide where their next steps would take them. Rey stared out at the expanse of stars before them, wondering where they might go.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So now that we’ve made it off of Coruscant, I think it’s time that we finally decide where we’re heading,” she told Ben as she searched for the navicomputer. It was not on her side of the cockpit...</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her handsome bondmate slid off of the pilot chair and kneeled before her, taking her hands into his. His warmth encompassed her, filling every crevice, every free bit of her soul. She leaned forward, heart humming to be so close to him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We will,” he agreed, staring into her eyes, intense heat warming his own. Rey felt her stomach flip while something fluttered in her chest. Her cheeks heated and she felt a blush spread. Time seemed to slow down as she stared into his honey brown eyes, completely capturing her within their depths.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ben smirked slightly as he noticed the pink tint lighting her face. “But first, there is something I’ve been dying to do all day. And I think I’ve waited long enough.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He surged forward and captured her lips, passionate desire crashing into Rey like a wave breaking on a sandy shore. The feeling consumed her until there was nothing left. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Reason left her. Thoughts of their undetermined destination no longer mattered, though they had mattered most to her just seconds before. She responded just as fiercely, marking every piece of him as hers, and hers alone. Her heart raced inside her chest, pounding in time with his. Everything seemed to fall into place as their lips moved in sync,They had finally made it off of Coruscant, free and together again. If it was the last time Rey ever had to be on the massive city-planet, it would be too soon for her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The reality that she and Ben had escaped was slowly registering with her. So many things could have gone wrong. There were so many points in which they could have been captured. But they hadn’t. And now, as Rey’s lips met Ben’s in repeated passions, the tears began to fall.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She hadn’t meant to cry, every intention she had was to get Ben out of his clothes and back to the captain’s quarters, where she planned to show Ben just how much she needed him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But as the first tear trailed down and mingled with their lips, Ben pulled back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He caught the next one with his thumb and wiped it away, brows pulled together in concern.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Rey?” he murmured, “Are you okay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He held her face between his hands and surveyed her carefully, eyes bouncing back and forth between hers. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey nodded jerkily, throat too tight to speak just yet. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The tears continued to roll down her cheeks and Rey watched Ben with a teary smile. Stars, she still couldn’t believe that they were together now. She doubted that she would ever get used to it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Finally, when she knew she had control over her voice, she answered him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine, Ben. I promise.” Her hands came up and wrapped around hers, still bracketing her face. “I just can’t believe we made it out of there alive. I still can’t believe you’re back. And I’m just so happy that we get to have a life together now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ben’s expression softened and warmed. He smiled, his dimples making an appearance. He leaned forward and touched their foreheads together. “I’m sorry it took me so long to realize that this is what I wanted more than anything. I’m sorry that I jeopardized it by demanding I face justice instead of running off somewhere with you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His breath puffed out between them, mixing with Rey’s. “Can you forgive me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey pulled back and watched Ben’s remorseful expression, reminded of the fear, the anger and the frustration she’d been through because Ben had been so determined to face the New Republic and receive his due punishment. She had been so incredibly angry at him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Truth be told, she was still rather angry at him over the matter. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But she’d been more terrified that she would lose him again. And that fear doused the heat of her anger more than anything.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She pulled his hands from her cheeks and settled them on her lap, watching them carefully as she answered. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ben, what you did was one of the most infuriating things you have ever done to me. And that includes the many issues we had while you were with the First Order. I…” she trailed, unsure how to continue without making things worse.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was heartbroken. I was so angry with you. Especially since it was already a miracle that we had been given a second chance…I thought that we were going to take off into the stars and be together.” Rey bit her lip, considering. “But I think I might understand why you felt like you needed to do this.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ben’s eyes shot up as she looked from his hands to his face, surprised. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey smiled slightly, nodding to assure him. “I do. Especially during the trial. And all the other times your remorse and guilt peeked through your shields. It all helped me understand just how deep that pain was for you. I was just in such denial over it that I couldn’t comprehend why you felt the way you did.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She held up a hand, noticing that Ben was gearing up to say something. “And I’m not saying that I’m alright with your choice, because I always thought that there was a better way, but I just want you to know that I can…sympathize with it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her shoulders raised in a small shrug as she shook her head. “So I guess what I’m trying to say is that I understand. And I forgive you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ben’s eyes still held surprise, as though he hadn’t expected Rey’s easy forgiveness. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And in all honesty, she hadn’t expected to give it so easily either. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But what she told Ben was true. She’d been able to catch glimpses of his pain. The glimpses of his remorse and shame and guilt had helped her to develop a fragile yet strengthening understanding of why coming back to life after his years with the First Order might be so difficult for him—why he might want the release of death to take him away again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No matter what understanding she came to, she was immensely more relieved that Ben had come to the conclusion that he didn’t want to die. She would thank the Maker every day for the rest of her life that Ben had a change of heart and that her friends were willing to risk themselves to help her free Ben from his prison cell. She would thank the Maker every day that their escape plan had worked and that they had been able to make it off of Coruscant unscathed and unfollowed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ben’s eyes shone as he pulled her into his embrace and released a shuddering breath. “Thank you, Rey.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey closed her eyes as their embrace lengthened, letting peace wash over her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They stayed like that for a few moments, just enjoying the ebb and flow of the Force between them, calming them, assuring them that this was their reality now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A reality where they still needed to decide where they would begin their life together.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Reluctantly, Rey pulled away. “As much as I would love to stay like this with you forever, we really need to decide where we’re heading. I want to put as much space as we can between us and the Core.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ben pulled away as well, smiling softly. “You’re right.” He kissed Rey’s cheek softly and then moved back to his chair and initiated the navicomputer. “Well let’s start with the easiest part first.” The navicomputer’s holomap of the galaxy flickered to life at Ben’s prompting.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Immediately, the portion of the map that contained the Core and the Mid-Rim worlds faded away, leaving the Outer Rim, Hutt Space and the Unknown Regions still glowing brightly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her bondmate turned to her, “All the possible systems we can fly to. Thousands of planets and moons. All you have to do is tell me what kind of terrain you’re looking for. Tropical, oceanic, temperate?” A mischievous expression grew across his face, his brown eyes twinkling, “Desert?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey rolled her eyes. “I’m never going back to another desert planet again if I can help it.” But then she paused to truly think about it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Over the course of the past year, Rey had visited more biospheres than she could have ever imagined. From verdantly green Takodana to the steamy and overgrown vegetation of Ajan Kloss to the cool, island mountains of Ahch-To and finally to a planet that contained exactly one city--albeit a city that consumed the entire planet.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Something she had yet to experience, something she’d longed to feel was the cool, crisp air of the mountains. Where the snow speckled the ground and everything always seemed fresh. Or at least, that was what Leia had explained to her. Her homeplanet of Alderaan had been filled with mountains. The city she’d been raised in was built on an island in a glassy lake, surrounded by massive mountain ranges.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It might be nice for the two of them to live in an area that might remind them of Leia for a while. Might give them some time to process the loss…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey opened her connection to Ben and sent an image to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How about a planet with mountains?” She asked at last. With the thousands of options, Ben was sure to locate something that would work.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ben bit his lip, touched, and nodded, turning his attention back to the navicomputer without a word. He quietly filtered out the systems that didn’t contain what Rey was looking for. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ben cleared his throat after a few moments of quiet searching. “I’ve narrowed our choices down to just a select few places.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He pressed a button and all but five systems flickered out of sight. Rey inspected each, wondering what they were like.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her bondmate pointed to the first. “This one is Lothal. It has mountain ranges and is located in the Dominus sector. The downside to this particular location, however, is that it is significantly more populous than the others. But there the Force is strong, there’s a vergence there.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A high population center was perhaps not the best for them at the moment and Ben could tell by Rey’s tense posture that Lothal was not the right planet. He deleted it from the system without hesitation. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Next is Jelucan in the Kwymar sector. It’s cold and mountainous, but maybe colder than someone like you would prefer…” His smirk lit his face again and Rey rolled her eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright, what else then?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ben’s smirk widened. “Ibaar is mountainous as well and less populated, but it was hit with a famine a few years before the First Order began taking over systems. Things might be a little desperate there.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then he pointed to a planet near the spot Rey knew Dantooine was. It was far from any hyperlane and looked horribly isolated. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“In the Riaoballo sector, we have Lah’Mu. It isn’t exactly what you’re looking for--it’s less crisp and more damp, but there are several mountain ranges and it’s population is miniscule. Last I heard, there were barely four thousand beings total on the entire planet. It’s pristine, quiet and hard to reach. We could disappear there for a while and always find somewhere new if it’s too desolate.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey stared at the little planet, contemplating. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ben was right, it wasn’t exactly what she’d had in mind, but the fact that it was so isolated, so remote...well, it was perfect wasn’t it?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She found herself grow excited at the prospect of being isolated on a quiet planet with Ben.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think we should start there.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ben regarded her for a moment, trying to see if that was what she really wanted. Rey refrained from shooting him a look and settled into her co-pilot’s chair. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She could see Ben smile from the corner of her eye. “Alright then,” he agreed. “Lah’mu it is.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He punched in the coordinates and waited for the navicomputer to calculate a route for them. It would likely take days for them to arrive, especially with the lack of hyperlanes in the vicinity, but Rey knew that they would have plenty to keep themselves occupied with.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As they waited, Rey took Ben’s hand and held it within hers. She raised it to her lips and kissed it, willing him to know how much she loved him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The stars were in Ben’s eyes when he looked back at her and without a doubt, Rey knew that he could see the stars reflected back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Surprise! I've got a little epilogue up next :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0034"><h2>34. Epilogue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Enjoy this brief epilogue!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR: Epilogue</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The approach to Lah’Mu help both Rey and Ben captivated. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The lonely planet hung within a white silica ring, orbiting the fertile planet at an angle. Its surface shone blue and green and black, a testament to the planet’s volcanic history. White clouds shrouded much of the atmosphere, promising cool, damp air, the opposite of what Rey had grown up with.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As she and Ben drew closer to their temporary home, Rey’s heart palpitated within her chest in excitement. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was eager to make planetfall. The last several days with Ben had been wonderful, with more time spent undressed than not, but she was ready to feel the ground beneath her feet and experience true gravity again. As someone who’d spent nineteen years planetbound, space travel was something Rey was still getting used to. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ben, on the other hand, had spent years on giant Resurgent class destroyer, so she knew that he didn’t miss being planetside as much as her. Peeking at him through a curtain of hair, however, indicated that he was still anxious to land.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Their plan was to dock near the singular population center on the Eastern hemisphere of Lah’mu and resupply if they could. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey wasn’t hopeful that Lah’mu had much to offer them. But they would have something, even if it wasn’t much. The planet was so isolated that she doubted there were any space suppliers set up. There was no spaceport, afterall. But perhaps there was an establishment that could offer some fresh food? Her stomach grumbled in anticipation though she’d only filled it an hour ago.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She felt Ben’s rumbling chuckle from beside her. “I wouldn’t get your hopes up too much about finding good eateries there. This place is rural, lots of farmers who don’t have the credits to eat out.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey rolled her eyes goodnaturedly. “We’ll see. I think we might find something.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Might not be edible,” he laughed back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s never stopped me,” Rey grinned.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ben’s smile deepened, revealing his dimples. “Ah, yes. I remember you had an affinity for consuming those horribly salty dehydrated food packs back on Ahch-To.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey quirked a brow as they entered their final descent, “If </span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> remember correctly, you ate at least two every mealtime.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her bondmate shrugged. “It was that or eat those creepy fish the Lanai offered.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The coppergrin,” Rey shuddered as she remembered eating stew containing the eerie looking fish while there with Luke.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, that’s the one,” he replied as he extended the landing gear and settled their light freighter on a patch of green amidst black sand.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey proceeded to shut the engines down and then stood with a stretch when she was satisfied. “Well hopefully there isn’t anything quite so atrocious here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She extended her hand to Ben, who still stared at it with wonder before grasping it and helping himself up. He pulled her close and kissed her deeply, causing her insides to flip.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shall we get off this ship?” Ben asked, voice slightly breathless.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey nodded, grin consuming her entire face. “Let’s.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>--------</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A few hours later, Rey sat leaning against the hatch, legs dangling over the edge. She had a soft thermal blanket wrapped around her shoulders and held a new mug full of caf, filled to the brim with fresh cream. She inhaled the rich scent and smiled as she overlooked the misted green valley below. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>While they were in the village, Ben had found a farmer who sold moof milk among other dairy items and hadn’t thought twice about buying a few liters when he saw how big Rey’s eyes had gotten. And as soon as they’d found a spot to settle their ship, he immediately set to brewing caf and making her a cup just how she liked it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey smiled into her mug as she remembered how excited Ben looked when he presented her with the piping hot drink. Her heart beat a little faster as she recalled the way his eyes had sparkled.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At the moment, Ben was preparing some sort of meal with the fresh ingredients he’d easily found while they perused the market. The farmers had bragged about how the earth here could grow just about anything. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And based on the flabbergasted expression on Ben’s face as he looked around, the farmer hadn’t been exaggerating. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey had volunteered to help him, but Ben had insisted that she relax and enjoy the fresh air. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She could hear something bubbling merrily in the galley and smelled something fantastic baking away. Rey’s stomach really rumbled this time. She was excited to eat.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Instead of meandering into the galley where she knew she’d be shoo’ed away, Rey refocused on the outdoors. The black and green earth contrasted vividly with the deep blue ocean in the distance. Misting rain fell lightly, dampening Rey’s hair, but not soaking her through. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Though it was a wet world, it was decidedly refreshing. Rey hoped they would be able to spend a while here.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dinner is ready, sweetheart.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey twisted her head to see Ben approaching from the galley and her stomach flipped happily at the sight of him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His dark hair shone in the light of the ship and he looked lighter somehow, as though the burdens had lifted from his shoulders more over the past hours of their being planetside on Lah’mu.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ben looked...happy. And that brought more joy to Rey than she could ever comprehend. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She settled the empty mug down and stood to meet him, heart full. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I hope you know,” she said softly, “That I love you more than anything in this galaxy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ben’s eyes softened as he took her hands in his. “I know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He kissed her softly there, as a breeze entered through the hatch. “And I love you too.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>THE END</span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think in the comments below.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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